I'm honestly a little ashamed that I didn't watch Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency sooner, considering how much I love Elijah Wood- I didn't even KNOW he was in the show until I started the first episode! I had to watch the whole thing in the span of three days, of course, and as soon as I did I knew I would be writing fanfiction for my fave ship- Sherlock and Dirk (Shirk, Dirklock, Hobbsly, take your pick).
I was also inspired by this Tumblr post that essentially featured the "This is my boyfriend X and his boyfriend Y" meme but for Dirk Gently to explore an OT3 with Farah, Todd, and Tina. I don't really care if either of those ships is popular in this fandom, I'm just excited to have a new fandom to write things for, even if this a really short fic.
Enjoy!
"I have something to tell you," Sheriff Sherlock Hobbs and Deputy Tina Tevetino said at the exact same first.
"You go first," Hobbs said instantly.
"No, no, you started talking first, you go ahead," Tina said.
"Absolutely not, you have something important to tell me, I want to hear it."
"Your thing is probably more important."
"Nothing is more important than whatever my best friend has to tell me. I'm all ears, Tina."
"Holy shit, Hobbs, just tell me what your big news is."
"I'm dating Dirk Gently," Hobbs said with a radiant smile.
Tina nearly dropped her coffee.
"No way."
"Way. He's my boyfriend. I'm dating a real holistic detective."
"Oh my gosh, Hobbs! That's great, that's amazing! We have to celebrate! We have to go out and- and not drink because I totally don't do that anymore… We have to go bowling or something. I'm a person who goes bowling instead of drinking now."
Hobbs laughed, "Yeah, yeah, it's exciting, and we'll definitely go celebrate later but first… What was your news? Unless your news was that you're sober because if that's it I'm very proud of you, Tina, and I'll always be here to support you and help keep you accountable, if that's what you want."
"It's- it's not that, though I am sober and I do appreciate it. My big news, drumroll please, is…" Tina paused to let Hobbs do a drumroll.
"While you're off dating Dirk Gently, Holistic Detective, I'm dating the rest of his agency."
"What does that mean?" Hobbs asked, a little bit puzzled.
"It means, old friend, that I now have a girlfriend and a boyfriend. I'm dating Farah and Todd. It's super hot, I mean, me, the most badass lady I've ever met, and one of my favorite alt musicians? I couldn't have written a more self-indulgent fanfic if I tried."
"Tina, that's fantastic, I'm so happy for the three of you! I just have one tiny question…"
"Okay, shoot."
"When did that happen?"
"Oh we, uh… It was when we went to that rave- music festival. The night you got turned into a zombie. Things got pretty heated pretty quickly after that. It only made sense to try to make something work… When did your thing happen?"
"Well, when we were saying goodbyes I told him that if he ever wanted to come back and solve another decades-old mystery he'd always have a place to stay in Bergsberg and that I didn't mean the county jail. And then he said he might call on me for my expertise next time he had a case, to which I asked, what expertise? And then suddenly we were kissing. With tongue."
"Hobbs, you dog!" Tina laughed, having a hard time picturing Sherlock tongue-kissing the detective.
"What? He's a good kisser."
"That's adorable. You two are adorable. We should all go on a date together sometime. Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency and the Bergsberg Division of Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency."
"We should absolutely all go on a date together. It'll be chaos."
"Well… We're part of the interconnectedness of the universe now, right?"
"Right."
"So I expect that there will be a lot more chaos in our life from now on."
"I hope so," Hobbs said quietly, "I think that's my favorite part about him. He tastes like cinnamon sugar and he brings adventure and intrigue wherever he goes."
Tina beamed at her friend, "We got really lucky, didn't we?"
"If we're part of the interconnectedness of the universe, then it wasn't so much luck as it was fate."
"Fate… I like that. I like this holistic thing."
Sherlock nodded, "Me too."