'I swear, if I see one more hilichurl camp, I'm going to-'
A roar from behind cut Lumine's complaints off.
'This is just great.' She groaned and got back into the fray, slashing monster after monster, until there was a pile of stained masks and blood on the ground. Lumine stared at it, and an ugly thought crept into her mind.
Blood. She'd spilt someone's blood. Sure, they were monsters and were threatening the safety of the common folk, but still… they had died, like a tiny flame snuffed out by the wind, gone before anyone noticed it, not even ashes remaining. They had died for the greater good, hadn't they? So that the people of Liyue wouldn't be at risk.
Was it alright to commit murder for that? Not just one, but hundreds and hundreds of murders, all for the safety of a single city? The hilichurls had been stabbed and sliced and burnt like vegetables, without a care for their sentience or life.
Xiangling would like that analogy, Lumine thought, trying to remain optimistic. It didn't work.
The thought of being a killer, who claimed to be fighting for the side of light, but really was a sadist with a sword and Elemental Vision, was too much. Lumine usually just focused on the present, running errands, meeting people, and… killing. She often thought about her brother, and her eternal quest to be with him until all the worlds ended. But this was a new concept. It made her insides feel empty and tense at the same time.
Tears spilled out of Lumine's eyes, first in slow trickles that left salt on the corners of her lips, and then in gushing streams that dampened her dress. Even the flower in her hair seemed to wilt.
'Is this… is this how Xiao feels?' She asked of no one in particular.
The wind answered her with a roar.
'You called for me?' a voice called from behind.
Lumine thought she might faint. She was still crying, and the sudden appearance of Xiao made her confused and dizzy.
'Lu...mine?' Xiao saw the tear tracks on her face, and in an instant he was right in front of her, his eyes boring into hers.
'What happened?' He took her hands in his own, and found himself surprised by how much smaller they were.
'Xiao—I'm a monster—I killed them—and—and-' Lumine struggled to form the words to describe how she felt, but Xiao understood. He let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug that said more than he ever could.
Lumine's eyes widened as Xiao wrapped his arms around her. The adeptus never showed any form of affection for anyone, let alone going so far as to hug them. Yes here she was, caught in his fierce embrace, sobbing into his shoulder. She forced the tears down enough for her to speak.
'Do you ever feel like you're not guilty enough? Like you ought to be repenting more, and the fact that you're not means that you don't care? Do you ever think like that?'
Xiao looked at the ground, and in that moment Lumine started to understand how much pain was hidden behind his eyes. Centuries, no, millennia of slaughter in the name of good. Years and years and years of guilt and there was no one who could begin to understand or even comprehend what was going through his mind.
'Every day…' he said at last. 'I think about it every damn day I'm still here.' His voice rose shakily, until it was nearly a shout.
'Every day, I look at Liyue from the top of the mountain and wonder why I'm the only adeptus left. Why I was the only one cursed with immortality. I watched them die, Lumine. I saw them wither away into the dust. I watched them come and go, and they all died except me. Why wasn't I allowed to die? Why couldn't I just go to sleep and never have to wake up again to fight through every day like it's - like it's a - like it's a war! And I'm the only person left on my side. And I have to go on and on and on until I'm allowed to die.'
Lumine noticed that Xiao was blinking very hard as he said all this.
'Why? Why do I have to do this? Why can't I pass on the ways of the adeptus to someone else? And be a mortal again? To live and love and laugh and die like everyone else. Why does it have to be me?' His voice shook with each syllable, until he sank to his knees, tears flowing out of his beautiful eyes.
Xiao's breathing was ragged and uncontrolled. He looked like he had just tried to stand up after being hit by a truck. Broken and hopelessly defiant. Lumine suddenly felt selfish. How dare she be so down after killing a few hilichurls, when there were people like Xiao, who were forced to suffer for eternity the karmic debt of many lifetimes worth of actions. How dare she?
'I want to be immortal.' Lumine blurted it out without thinking, but as she processed it, she realised it was true.
'I want to be immortal.' She said, bolder this time. 'I want to share your pain. I want to stay by your side, so you'll always have someone to hug.'
'No way in hell.' Xiao replied sharply. There's no way I'm letting you do that.'
Xiao's immediate rejection made Lumine more defiant. 'I'm doing it anyway. Now tell me how.'
He let out a dry, hollow laugh that terrified Lumine. 'And what makes you think I would let you suffer the same fate? Do you even understand what it means to be an adeptus? You have to watch people come and go like the wind, and kill everything that threatens our precious Liyue.' he stared straight at her. 'You'll watch your brother die, and you won't be able to join him. You'll be apart forever, and you won't have any cards left to put on the table. Fate likes to deal increasingly empty hands, and once the deck is out you shuffle and start again with no hope of escape. Now what in the seven regions makes you think I would agree to curse you with immortality?'
This made Lumine think. She dreaded the thought of having to live while her brother, her other half, was dead. But then, what about Xiao? What would he do when she was gone? He'd made it clear that he had gotten attached to her. The ageless, timeless Adeptus was as lonely as human life was short and hilichurls were stupid. He needed someone to be his Always and Forever.
'Well, if you won't do it for me, I'll find someone else to do it for me.' Lumine forced her tone to be light but firm. 'I can just ask Ganyu or Yanfei or Rex Lapis himself. I'm doing this for you because it's what you need and want. I would curse myself with anything for you, Xiao, never forget that. Immortality means I can spend every day with you in sickness and in health, through joy and through pain, until Fate decides that we've done enough and frees us from the Contract of Life. So give me the damn curse. I'm ready for anything.'
There was a beat.
'Thank you… Lumine. You - you don't have a clue what that means to me.'
Lumine smiled slightly, and all of a sudden, Xiao's breathing slowed down from its ragged, intense state.
'Lumine? Can I be selfish? Just this one time, can I ask for myself and for no one else?
'Will you stay with me until the end?'