Hello! It is the 28th and I am back with a new chapter. It is a shame that this is such a serious one on the birthday of one of Ash's children - Rey - but it is what it is :D Funnily enough, although this one takes place before she was born, it is a bit of a glimpse in a way of what life happened to be like at the time of her birth. This story describes Ash's first bought of "darkness" which is due to him repressing emotions and his aura ability. It takes place about a year before Rey comes along. And as you can tell, he is so regretful of how he has treated others and even himself. I hope you enjoy :)

Disclaimer: I own the story and the OCs mentioned!

Dear Darlings,

I'm sorry.

When you find out that you are going to be a parent, these are the last words that you think that you will one day be writing to your children. Especially in this context. But here we are.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I don't know what is wrong with me. Well, I should say, I don't know what was wrong with me. Because things seem to be different now. I don't know what happened, but I know that that dark cloud and all of that confusion has lifted and I feel a lot more like me now.

I know that I never did anything towards any of you. I have asked over many, many times and even begged – and when I was begged, I was told, I never did anything towards any of you. But that doesn't change things, does it? My behaviour was still around you. And at times I hurt the people that the four of you loved the most.

I don't think that I can ever really be forgiven. But I am still hoping that I can be.

The past months are so blurry, my darlings, so very blurry. When I close my eyes at night or even sometimes in the middle of battle to steady myself, I see fire. I see intense fire and I know that it is a glimpse of what rushed over me in the moments before I became entirely not myself.

Yet some moments, when I close my eyes and I take an important breath to myself, I feel ice washing over me. I remember that in the last few months, I have been less myself than I have ever been in my entire life. And I feel like I did a disservice to you.

How troubling it must have been for you, to wake up and wonder who I snapped at next. Maybe you feared that it would be you next. That breaks my heart. It could never be any of you. But I understand why you might have thought that. Even though I am hoping that you never did.

Or perhaps, even more heart-shatteringly, you never even really noticed a thing. The chaos all around you was merely a whisper in the wind – and like the slightest graze on your skin – scarcely making a mark but noticeable enough to make you stop and wonder.

Wonder if there is something more to life that is going on. Wonder if there is more to your parents than you once knew. Certainly more to your father. Maybe you never thought any of these things at all. Maybe you are far too young and thank goodness for that.

I don't know what was wrong with me. All I know is that I would feel nothing and then I would feel everything for just a single, scorching, split second. But then I would feel nothing again. But this time, truly nothing. Hollow, deep, bone aching nothingness. Blurriness. No memory. No sense. Nothing. The skeleton of who I once was as a person.

I'm sure that the nothingness was to protect me from what I did. The way I yelled. The way I stomped. The way I shoved. Shoved with my words. But eventually, against the chests of others.

Gary. Professor Oak. James. My dad. I would say that I was glad that I did it to people who could handle it but they couldn't really, could they? Just because they are men, does it mean that they should have to tolerate behaviour from me? No. Never. They got their own back on me and I deserved it.

It breaks my heart that they never raised their voices or their fists to me back. Well, maybe Gary did once or twice! But for the most of the time, they fought fire with calmness. And at the time, that agitated my soul all the more. But now, it soothes me.

I am soothed to know that no matter how far I push people, they will not tolerate but they will not treat me poorly in return. They will make sure I know what I have done. And then they would walk away.

I can't imagine how life would have been for me if I had people in my life who stirred the fire – or people who walked away from me when I needed them the most. Even though it was me who pushed them away. I am grateful that they stayed. And I hope that they are glad now that they can see the real me is back. And it won't happen again.

My darlings - let this be a lesson to you. Never end up the way that I did. Never overwork yourself so much and overwhelm yourself so much that the only vice you know is taking it out on others for the unrest you feel inside. Approach life with softness, not the opposite. There is always a pause button. It might be tricky to discover and it might take some rooting. But you can always find solace.

It's necessary. Not only does it stop you exploding on others, but it stops you from exploding on yourself and becoming a person you don't even recognise.

Again, I'm sorry. But I will stop saying it with words. And I will start showing it with actions instead. Your Daddy is back and he is back better than ever! And I promise you; nothing of the sort will ever happen ever again.

You have my word. And my heart too. Always.

With all my love and sincerest regret,

Your Daddy.

P.S: Let's do something fun this weekend, shall we?!

There you go! Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed :) It's such a shame that here Ash promises that his behaviour won't happen again but of course, it does and even more intensely that time. But that is why it comes back. Becuase he doesn't properly deal with it here and because other people react wrongly towards it as well. Ash needs to learn not to bottle things up. But that is easier said than done, isn't it? Thanks again for reading and I will be back on Wednesday to update Pikachu Tales! In November I will be following prompts from PokeShipping Week on Tumblr. But for me it's PokeShipping Month! See you then :)

Amy signing out!