Chapter 18: Crossing T's and Dotting I's

"Is he dead? Colton?"

"No... but he's in custody being interviewed. And you know we all have a lot of questions about his connection to you and how this all ended up happening."

JJ ignored Emily's comment and went straight for the pesky thing bothering her since seeing Emily before.

"Em, earlier, when you came to see me- there was something with the way you asked how I was doing." JJ paused to see if Emily would understand what she was referring to, but the brunette's brows furrowed. "Maybe I'm making this up, but it seemed like you were guilty or something?"

This got a reaction. JJ could kind of figure the team would find ways to blame themselves for this situation, and she wanted to make sure none of them did because it just wasn't true.

"No, no," Emily started, but JJ cut her off.

"You can be honest with me."

"JJ, I'm the one that's supposed to be in here comforting you, not the other way around."

"I just want to make sure you know I don't blame any of you for any of this. If anything, it was my fault."

Emily scoffed. "Okay, first of all, this is not your fault. And second of all, that's not what it was."

"Then what was it?"

Emily sighed and rubbed her hand under one of her eyes and across her cheek. "When we were looking for you, and we found your car and then the cabin both empty- I had this sinking feeling. That you were… dead."

JJ shook her head. "If it were you, I probably would have thought the same thing. That doesn't make you a bad person."

"Well, it wasn't just that," Emily uttered a deep breath. "I had prepared myself before that, that you were already dead. So when everyone else found out, I could hold it together and try to help them."

JJ couldn't believe how much guilt Emily's face held.

"Emily."

But Emily struggled to make steady eye contact.

"Emily, all that shows me is that you're human. I know you didn't want to find me dead."

"Are you sure? Because I really, really didn't want to," Emily's voice broke as the emotion threatened to take over, something that rarely happened.

"Of course, I'm sure. Emily, I'm so sorry you've been carrying that around."

Emily shook her head and wiped away a stray tear.

"Really, I'm okay, and this shouldn't be about me. I'm just really glad you're feeling better and really glad you're alive."

"We should probably talk about… you know." JJ offered.

"I think I love you." Morgan blurted and took the seat next to her he had lived in since arriving at the hospital.

"Woah, what?"

"While you were gone- I don't want to waste any more time dancing around it. There's been something here for a long time, and I know you feel it too."

"Yeah, Derek-"

"You don't have to say anything right now; just focus on getting better and know that I'll be here, okay?"

JJ nodded her head, a minuscule beam to her bruised face. Morgan changed the subject and somehow managed to keep the same cool he always did like he didn't just profess his love for his coworker and best friend.

"Colton is being booked. Rossi is waiting at the jail to interview him."

JJ's face went white.

"Beckham." She mumbled.

"Wait, what?"

"Beckham," She said louder, this time with racing anxiety as her eyes met Morgan's chocolate orbs.

"Who's Beckham?"

"I went to high school with him, but Colton kept telling me about how Beckham was somehow involved in this too. You've got to get him."

Morgan stood up instantly.

"JJ, are you still in danger?"

JJ shrugged and opened her mouth as if to ask a question for a moment before she could finally speak. "I don't think so, but I don't know. I don't know what Colton orchestrated behind the scenes. I never saw Beckham at the, at the cabin."

A pause.

"But Colton told me Beckham was the one to shoot Spencer. Please call Spence. The drugs must have made my brain all fuzzy. I can't believe I didn't remember this sooner."

"Hey, this is not your fault. All you needed to do was survive, and you did that. We will do the rest. Do you have a last name for Beckham?"

"We've got an accomplice, Beckham Hardy," Morgan said to Hotch and Emily just outside JJ's closed hospital door. "Makes sense why he gave me the look he did when I was going to get JJ from his van." Morgan clenched his jaw.

"What look did he give you?" Hotch asked.

"He seemed proud, not like he got caught. But we profiled him to be very ritualistic in his killings. He would need to kill JJ to have a demeanor like that."

"Is it possible he thought JJ was dead already when he looked at you?" Hotch followed up.

"I doubt it. He's a sadist, gets off on the pain. He would have wanted to see the life drain from her eyes," Morgan rebutted, hating the words coming from his mouth.

"And obviously JJ was immensely hurt, but she wasn't terribly close to death by the time we got there, maybe with a few extra hours or so…" Emily trailed off.

"Also, JJ said Colton told her this accomplice was the one to shoot Reid, which explains the change in MO."

"We need to get Garcia to find this accomplice now," Hotch said as he pulled out his phone.

"I sent it to her as soon as JJ said something to me," Morgan interjected.

Emily turned to Hotch. "Is Reid with Garcia?"

"I think so. I'll call Garcia and check. Do you think Reid or JJ could be in danger?" Hotch asked.

Morgan put his hands on his hips and answered Hotch's question. "Until this accomplice is in custody too, I don't want to rule anything out."

"Garcia, Is Reid with you?"

"Yes, why…?" Garcia replied to Hotch through the speakerphone in her cave. She glanced up at Reid, who wore confusion all over his face.

"Hardy was the one that shot Reid; he needs to stay at the BAU until we find this guy. Tell him that's an order."

"He's right here; he heard you."

"Good. Have you found anything on Hardy?"

"Nothing yet, but I'm still checking flights and credit card info. Reid is checking into his background." Garcia answered. "I just need a few more minutes to confirm if his ID or Passport has been used. The other things will take a little more time."

The few minutes trickled by like dripping water from a sink.

"Oh, oh! He used his passport to take a plane to Guatemala. I guess he saw his partner go down, and he didn't want to go down with him." Garcia answered with glee.

"Okay, we can worry about him another day," Hotch ordered. "Can you send a security detail to be kept at JJ's door 24/7?"

"Already done."

Emily smiled, but nothing regarding this situation warranted a smile. She only wanted to make JJ as comfortable as she could when she made her friend rehash the worst days of her life. "I'm really sorry to have to do this, Jayje, but I gotta get all the info I can. Are you up to this?"

JJ nodded, a disposition of hesitance washing through her body. It would be so much easier to internalize the discomfort like she usually did.

"What can you tell me about Colton? How'd you know him?"

"Colton was a few years younger than me. I never had any interactions with him when I was young because while I was in high school, he was in middle school, and by the time I graduated and moved, he was just entering high school. Well, supposed to be entering high school." JJ shrugged.

"What do you mean?"

"He was shipped off to foster homes all over the state. He gave me a detailed account of each foster home and the horrible things that happened to him, and then the horrible things he did in return. He blamed me for outing his dad, and so all of this was my fault," JJ's face conveyed apparent disbelief.

"It may not make sense, but it only has to make sense to him." Emily reminded JJ while struggling to find the right words. "Anything he said or did at the…cabin that would be of importance?"

JJ forced herself not to react to the words, even though inside, the memories hurt like a stab wound to the gut. "Well, he acted like it was a slip up when he mentioned Beckham being a part of this, but everything he's done has heavily involved Beckham. I don't even know why Beckham would be a part of this." JJ glanced at her fingers twiddling in her lap. "What could I have done to him?" JJ whispered the last part under her breath.

Emily's heart broke at JJ's ooze of guilt, and Emily could only imagine how deep that guilt buried itself below what JJ was willing to share. Because somewhere in JJ, she held the heaviness of believing this could have been avoided somehow.

Untrue. But Emily wasn't sure anything she said could make JJ believe otherwise.

"How'd you know Beckham?"

"We went to the same high school, but we didn't just know each other. We were friends."

"Okay, can you think of anything you might have done to set him off? Big or small? Maybe you rejected him?"

"I mean, I think he might have had a crush on me, but he never did anything about it, and I always wanted to just be friends. I can't imagine that would lead to being an accomplice to kidnapping and attempted murder."

Emily's made unsteady eye contact, but she kept going. "I'm sorry to do this- but I need you to tell me more about what happened in the cabin."

JJ nodded and pretended like she was telling someone else's story. Nothing but a tale, it wouldn't have long-term effects or permanent damage inflicted, no this was a story.

It didn't totally work, but she tried, and maybe she could trick herself into thinking it made a difference.

"His rage was unpredictable. Sometimes I would say something little, and it would set him off. Other times I would say something that should have set him off, and he would be fine."

"That's good." Emily encouraged, a swell of momentum rose in her, and she wanted to keep JJ talking. "Keep going."

"A lot of his aggression and abuse was because of his blame for me; he kept repeating that, but honestly, I think he just hated himself and his dad for what he did, so he needed to find someone to take those feelings out on. I guess wrong place, wrong time, for me."

Emily's muscles tightened. "I'm so sorry, Jayje."

"It's okay, I mean, it's not okay, but it's okay. Not your fault."

Emily shifted in her seat, but only barely. This line of questioning continued to create growing contempt through Emily's core, though she couldn't be sure JJ saw the discomfort and agony. She'd done interviews like this countless times, but it changed extraordinarily when it came to her own friend's horrific trauma.

Even so, hiding emotions was kind of Emily's superpower.

"What about your wrists… and your neck?"

The metaphorical knife in JJ's gut twisted.

Emily waited patiently and tried to confer an encouraging exterior. JJ was undeniably skilled at comforting the people around her; she made everyone feel special and cared for. Emily admired that quality in JJ, but she saw herself completely different. She was the friend six feet away, holding a broom to her friend's shoulder, her best endeavor to "comfort".

"My wrists, I know it looks bad. Like I- but it's not like that. I didn't; I wouldn't."

Her words appeared forced. But of course, Emily believed her; she just couldn't help the shadow of a doubt intruding and looming around her.

"While he was doing it, he kept making jabs at how this was just like Ros. Ros took the easy way out, and now I would die the same way. But he would also tell me he would make it look like I did it- like Ros." JJ stopped and swallowed. "He wanted to kill me, but he couldn't kill me until he 'saw fear'. He tried to break me, but he didn't… I don't think. And I wouldn't have done that- not even to.."

"I know JJ, I know. You did good. We didn't think… we just needed to be sure." Emily reached forward and gave JJ's hand a tight squeeze. But now JJ's demeanor had changed, it was something akin to melancholy and shame, but they weren't done yet.

"And your neck?"

JJ couldn't help a deep breath as the situation continued to overwhelm her senses one by one.

"One day, he was furious; I don't know why. He came in and started choking me- I thought he was going to kill me like I did every day, but I only passed out. Not sure for how long, but I woke up to water drenching my face. But he didn't… he didn't keep me awake for long. He did this again, and again, I don't know how many times. Sometimes I woke up to water, other times I woke up to him sticking me in the side with something, one time I woke up to him tazing me. My body really struggled after that one, so that was the last time he did it. I know that much."

Emily kept her cool, but something in her face must have given her away.

"I really don't want pity."

"Of course," Emily nodded, but she could see the tears burning at JJ's red-rimmed eyes.

"Did you need anything else?"

Short.

Curt.

It had been enough.

"No, you did really well, JJ." Emily smiled, but JJ didn't return the gesture. "Security is placed at your door 24/7, and one of us will be here at all times, okay? We'll find Hardy, and Alderman is going to prison for life."

Penelope Garcia worked, whether it was 12 PM or 12 AM. Now it was 12 AM, and she was starting to panic because she had given the team incorrect information. The information she thought was correct at the time now shattered with a simple ping. The anxiety reminded her JJ and Reid might not be as safe as she assumed.

She held the phone to her ear, her hand shaking just enough to result in a stuttering of words.

"Boss man, I had checked, and it was accurate he was supposed to be on a plane, but now-"

"What is it, Garcia?" Hotch asked calmly, but Garcia could still hear the nerves in his voice, which was daunting in and of itself.

"I thought Beckham had gotten on a plane. His passport was used and everything. But I've seen video footage while I was crossing my 'T's' and dotting my 'I's', but it's not him. I'm running everything again, but he could be anywhere."

"Find him, Garcia," Hotch instructed.

"Yes, sir."

It was easy.

Almost too easy.

Even as he slipped into the nurse scrubs and presented false identification to get into her room.

It was easy.

"Just checking vitals."

And the officer nodded then said nothing else.

Incompetent fools.

But it worked out in his favor.

Now he could finally please Colton and complete the plan they had all along. Finally, this would be done, and he could actually get on a plane out of this horrible country along with the million dollars Colton had promised him for his cooperation.

He moved to her side. Sleeping peacefully.

So sweet.

He reached for her IV and put in the one thing he came for.

He left the note on the side table as Colton had instructed, and as quickly as he was in, he was out.

A/N: Reviews would cure my mental illnesses. For sure.