Chapter 22: In The End

6 months later.

"So how are you feeling?"

JJ shrugged. "I feel pretty good, ribs are healed, the bruises and cuts are gone. I've been working out and I'm starting to feel like myself again. Physically."

Her bureau-appointed therapist, Cindy, smiled slightly. "And mentally?"

JJ pressed her lips into a hard line and shook her head. "Good enough to return to work."

Cindy chuckled. "Put that into perspective for me. How are the nightmares?"

"Under control."

"And the panic attacks?"

"Under control."

Cindy sighed. "Hmm. Can I take your picture?"

JJ's mouth dropped. "What?"

"Well you're my first client to be completely healed after a few mandated sessions of not really saying anything, so I was wondering if I could take your picture and put it up on my wall as a beacon of hope for my other clients."

JJ paused as a smile slowly crossed her face.

"Come on JJ, be honest with me."

JJ's smile faded. "But… I just need you to sign my papers."

"And you think once I sign those papers you will be out of here for good, and if you're going to be out of here why would you want to be vulnerable with me?"

JJ looked at her hands.

"I am not a hoop to jump through or someone to convince that you are fine. I just want the truth."

The tears welled in her eyes but she kept her stare fixated on her hands despite the way they were getting more and more blurry.

"I can see the inner conflict. I can see how scared you must be... JJ, feelings buried alive never die."

Finally, JJ looked up with misty eyes. "I still have dreams," she whispered. A wave of emotion broke through her lips as the thoughts began to race and she started to spill her thoughts one after another. "I can still hear his boots walking towards me, or how they felt in between my ribs. I don't feel like myself again and I don't know that I ever will. I had a panic attack on my way in here!" JJ sputtered but didn't stop. "Nothing is under control. Nothing. And I know you're not going to sign my papers if I say that, but I really need my job because if I spend any more time alone at home I'm going to ki-"

JJ caught herself and abruptly finished while trying to gauge how her therapist would react and how JJ could diffuse the situation.

"Are you still having thoughts of suicide?"

"No… well not like I was, not anymore."

"What does that mean?"

"It means you don't need to worry."

"Like how you told Agent Morgan he didn't need to worry? JJ-"

"Stop." JJ held up her hand and squeezed her eyes shut. "I don't feel like that anymore, I wasn't in my right mind when all of that happened."

"Jennifer, you tried to kill yourself."

"But I'm still here, right?" JJ snapped back.

The office fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"Look, that didn't come out right. I know you're just trying to do your job, you're assessing my safety. I am safe. I want to go back to work, I'm trying. I have the safety plan in place, which I promised to use, I have a support system… therapy. I'll be okay."

JJ sighed as the tears started to flow again.

"I promised myself I would do whatever it took to get back to work, to get those papers signed. I am so tired of feeling like this."

"Feeling like what?"

"Like I can't hold it together or like everyone is walking on eggshells around me. It's like I can't do anything without crying or lashing out or having a panic attack." JJ paused. "Like someone that is irrevocably broken."

Her therapist reached over and grabbed JJ's file, the same file that held the papers JJ had brought with her to be signed as a final clearance to return to work. JJ held her breath and Cindy grabbed a pen then started writing towards the bottom of the page. She closed the file and looked back at JJ with a deep smile.

"I'm not looking for perfection, I'm not looking for what you deem to be the 'right JJ'. I'm looking for progress and I'm looking for effort. Both of which you have shown me."

"But, but with everything I said-"

"Everything you said was true," she interjected. "I never said I wanted perfect answers. You've come a long way and as long as you are reaching out to your support system, talking about things, and being human then there is no reason you can't return to work. Of course, this is contingent on weekly meetings with me and monthly psych evals with your psychiatrist."

"Really?"

"Really." She held her hand out with the file and gave it to JJ. "Don't give up. I'll see you next week."

JJ nodded and wiped the lingering tears.

"Now go save some lives."

JJ stood up straight as Hotch walked around his desk with her badge in one hand and her gun in his other. He had a smile, a real smile, taped across his lips before he paused in front of JJ for just a moment then finally handed over her items.

"Good to have you back, agent."

"Good to be back, sir." JJ returned the smile and as she holstered her gun, she looked down at her badge with an old picture from so long ago. Her smile was bright and determined, she had no idea what would happen but that JJ was ready for the task.

And that was the JJ she hoped to find again.

Garcia poked her head in Hotch's door.

"Sorry to interrupt my crime fighters, but we have a case."

Hotch and JJ shared a look while JJ gave a reassuring nod and followed the eccentric blonde to the round table where everyone was waiting. She saw their faces light up as she walked in the door and she couldn't help it as her face flushed.

"Welcome back, JJ." Emily greeted kindly.

JJ nodded her head and silently urged Garcia to get started.

15 minutes later the full BAU team was standing up to head to San Francisco, California. Morgan had grabbed JJ's forearm to hold her back as the rest of the team filed out of the room. JJ turned back to see his brown eyes staring back at her full of nothing but love and admiration.

"I am so proud of you."

"Oh don't get all mushy on me now." JJ teased back with a playful hit to his shoulder.

"And I'm glad you're here. I don't know what I'd do without you."

JJ forced a smile, the memories were never pleasant and she hated knowing what she had put everyone through, especially considering how much better she was doing now in retrospect.

"I am too. And I love you very much, Agent Morgan."

"I love you more," Morgan replied as a simple nod to a little phrase that had started as a joke that had turned into something far more fulfilling.

a/n: hello my beautiful friends, i apologize for the long wait, i have been very sick. i hope you enjoyed this story and i am so thankful for each review and alert. may you all be well. :)