Author's Notes:

Welcome to THE MORTAL DAWN! I'd love it if you would consider leaving a review after you've read through it.

Chapter 1

Silosalm, Washington

Olympic Peninsula

Sam

· · · · · · · ·

Middle to Late February

"Josh, I just have this really sick feeling in my gut about going back there…" Sam said, chewing on her thumbnail and sighing. "It just feels so wrong, you know?"

The more she looked up at him, the harder it was to listen to the voice in her head, now barely above a faint whisper. He looked...broken? It was hard to tell behind the laid-back mask he wore around the others. Why was he acting like that with her? This boy had always been more aloof with her than anything. It was natural for him to crack tamer jokes at her expense, a trait he and Hannah shared to a degree. Hannah took it farther, but that didn't excuse Josh either. But beyond all of his bullshit that kept everyone at arm's length, he'd shown her some of the more intimate parts of who he was over the last year. And Sam had wanted to know more of him. There had to be so much more he kept hidden away.

Even from her.

The signature light in his eyes dimmed the longer she went without indulging him. His easy smirk slowly sank into a barely-there frown as his brows flattened. The lost boy stepped closer toward her, reaching for her elbow and shaking his head as he forced a chuckle out of his throat. "S-Sam, out of everyone, I need you there. You know how important this is to me…"

"Josh…"

"Sam, it's about finally getting some closure...To them, it's just a fucking chance to bang and bicker with each other silly. None of that honestly matters to me...Let them have their fun...as long as they don't make it entirely about their drama, I genuinely don't give a shit. But for us? Neither of us are the same person that we went up there as last year. You don't smile anymore without them, and all I can think about is what did and didn't happen. We still don't know anything. My sisters weren't ever found, so there's no fucking clue to this grand mystery. If I can't know, Sam...I have to get some closure, to let them rest in peace…to...move on? If that's even possible at this point."

"Fine. I'll be there…" she said. "Want to go there together? We could start the party early on the private jet."

"That's you...Sam the party animal," Josh joked. Shaking his head, something in his eyes shifted, like he was stringing together an excuse or about to tell a lie. "Nah, I'm gonna head up there by myself a little early to make sure we have everything we need for a good weekend. Thanks, though. You know how much I appreciate you. Right, Sam?"

"Yep, and right back at ya, Josh," Sam said, awkwardly snapping her finger into the shape of a gun. "You know nothing will ever change that...Right?"

Josh paused, just staring at her like she'd said something weird. She couldn't ever read him like she could the others. She wondered what all he planned for the trip, but she opted not to say anything. This was just how Josh was. He kept you on your toes. Eventually, he replied, "Good to know, Sammy. I'll, uh...I'll keep that in mind."

Josh turned around to walk out of her house, but Sam caught him by his shoulder. "Is there anything you wanna talk to me about? You know you can tell me anything, right?"

"I know that. Thanks, but no. Nothing's up. Just getting excited for...you know," he answered, stepping closer to her before looking her up and down. Those expressive eyes said so much and somehow told her nothing at the same time. His easy, signature smirk lifted at each corner of his mouth. Clicking his tongue, he flicked her nose and laughed when she glared up at him, groaning while rubbing the tingling skin. "...all the closure ."

"Got it."

Josh lingered close by for a little while longer, but he didn't really do anything while he capitalized on her personal space. Without any preamble, he held up both of his fists by his head and quietly celebrated. "Party!"

Sam poorly mimicked his pose and wiggled her body while rolling her eyes, unenthusiastically groaning, "Party…"

Branches broke as Sam raced between the trees, hitting various parts of her body as she breathlessly rushed forward, never looking back. Leaves and twigs snapped underneath her feet. She was already out of breath, but Sam couldn't stop running. It was like how she'd been able to survive that night: even with all of the impossible scenarios like running around the freezing basement in only a fucking towel or wading through chest-high water in the middle of winter in only her thin athletic outfit. Adrenaline charged her body like a battery.

Tears warmed her cool face. If only she'd been better. Done more.

That was the problem with feelings. They swayed you against your better judgment...all for the sake of not wanting to fucking hurt the people you loved. In her own way, Sam loved Josh. But everyone misunderstood the context of those feelings. It wasn't like she and the boy were like Chris and Ash, two study partners admiring each other over time, or even Mike and Emily, two people who shared a complex, toxic, yet passionate bond. They'd just...found...each other after tragic circumstances. Of course, Sam had always harbored stupid, pesky thoughts for the guy. But that'd been where it had stopped.

Hannah had repeatedly asked her not to even look at her brother. For whatever reason, her best friend had hated the possibility of them together, so Sam had happily acquiesced. Besides, there would only have been an end between her and a tumultuous guy like Josh anyway. While he was capable of being serious, it wasn't in his nature to stay that way for too long. It was always meant to be an intimate friendship...one that seemingly everyone misunderstood. Love probably wasn't something the quiet girl constantly orbiting the others' strange world would ever experience anyway.

At least…No, Sam thought. Best not to entertain anything with anyone.

The sound of a distant creek caught Sam's attention. A nearby tree caught the full weight of her body as she sagged against it, catching her breath for a bit. Wiping a little sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, Sam sighed, clutching her side while glancing around the forest. Replace the snow for a lot of humid, dense air and even more rain, and it wasn't very hard to confuse the Blackwood forest with this one. Stumbling toward a rock, the girl bent down and sat on it. The thick jacket still in her hand felt too heavy in her grasp, so she set it on the ground next to her while she fumbled with her pocket just long enough to grab the lighter from it. Its steel build weighed down her palms as she brushed her fingers over the intricate designs engraved across it. Jerking it to the side made the lighter's cap flick open. Repeating the action over and over again until she lost count, Sam swallowed and bit her lip when her eyes settled on her inner thighs.

Tossing the closed lighter onto Josh's jacket, she maneuvered her body until she had enough room to pull her pants up toward her bent knees. The cold, wet stone underneath her ass pinched her skin, but all she remained focused on were the faded cuts, burns, and a single word carved there. Letting her opposite leg slacken, Sam traced a few of the scars on her left thigh for a moment, her fingers suddenly numb and jittery.

"Hannah? You promised me you'd come over for the benefit dinner tonight. You know how much I hate my parents. I need you there," Sam fought as her best friend inspected herself in the mirror, the girl distracted while she held up two different pairs of earrings.

Hannah rolled her eyes and shoved her glasses back up her nose. "What are you not hearing, Sam? I'm invited to Emily's party! Like she personally asked for me to be there tonight. It's not like a pity invite because of my sister and brother. Can you believe it?"

"You're over her house all the time…"

"But Emily and Mike finally broke up! I think it'll stick this time, too. And you expect me to have dinner with your 'rents? Look, Sam. I'm sorry. Raincheck, kay?"

'Rents? When had she started talking like them? Sam fought the tears starting to prickle her eyes and blot her vision, saying nothing as the other girl rushed over to her closet. What happened to the girl who'd always had her back? Sure, Sam didn't exactly go around sharing why she hated her parents...why she could, under any circumstances, not be left alone with them. But even just a year ago, Hannah had been a different person. Kind...though she still could be when it suited her these days.

"No raincheck! You promised me...Look, we're sophomores. The year's only just starting. There'll be other parties. And if they get back together, you know they'll just break up again...eventually. That's their thing! But I need you to have my back tonight, Han."

"I'm not coming over, Sam. Just ditch them. Come with me to the party! You can help me get Mike's attention."

"Can't...I have to be there tonight."

Hannah froze in place and looked down at Sam over her shoulder, her eyes a little lethal. "Well, I don't. Okay? Get out if you're not going to help me pick something epic to wear."

Sam took a step back and drew her head back. "None of this is you! You've changed so much for these people who will NEVER give a damn about you."

"Sam, you're pathetic. Jealous that they invited ME and not you? It doesn't always have to be about you. I mean, how dare you say they don't give a shit about me! They're making an effort to let bygones be bygones."

"I'm jealous? Them inviting you to some stupid fucking party doesn't even begin to atone all of the harassment and bullying they've all subjected you to over the years. This obsession you have with Mike? It's changing you, and I'm worried about you. He's a jerk! Just some random asshole who sees women as notches in his bedpost. The only change he's capable of is manipulating unsuspecting girls."

"The notch is my way in, Sam. All I have to do in order for him to see me as someone different to all of those whores that follow him around is show him that I AM different."

"That's your big strategy? Let him fuck you, rock his world enough for him to wake up the next morning and realize it was you all along? That you came out of nowhere? That literally makes no sense! I mean think about how many girls he fucks on a regular basis...a lot of time when he's still with Emily! He's a fucking tool who will move on from Silosalm, Washington after college for an Ivy League law school on the east coast. He'll find his dream trophy wife and work his way up to the Oval Office. They'll have 2.5 kids, a white-picket fence somewhere in Virginia. He'll get everything he thinks he's ever wanted, and that will NEVER be you. Then he'll just die, be another hollow notch for the history books. That's his life, Han. You deserve SO much better than Michael Munroe..."

Someone had to say all of this. Before it was too late. Sam's stomach churned as bile rushed up her chest. It felt wrong to be so cruel, but if it was necessary to protect this girl...then so be it.

"I'm obsessed, huh? YOU'RE the one constantly talking about how he's so far out of my league, how I'll never have a chance with him. You either like him and want him for yourself, or you like, what? Are you in love with me or something?"

"When have I EVER said that you are out of his league? I literally just said the opposite! And in love with you? Have you actually gone insane, Hannah? You're my best friend. I'm just looking out for you."

"More like I'm your only friend. And you can't handle me having my own life. Because you have a miserable one."

The first of her private collection of the few scars etched on her thigh happened that night. Sam didn't even remember when she did it or even the pain. Over the last few years, it had been the only thing to center her whenever she felt lost, uncontrollable. As soon as her tears dropped from her eyes, she wiped them away. Sniffling once, she spelled out her best friend's name with her index finger, her pace slow.

Some nearby twigs snapped as something stepped closer toward her. Rushing back to her feet, Sam gasped and pulled her pants up, seeing the same man who'd broken her best friend...a man, she'd discovered, she'd really known nothing about this whole fucking time.

"Mike!" Sam hissed, reaching for the archaic lighter and Josh's jacket. "Why the fuck are you out here? How did you find me?"

"I came after you to ask you the same thing! Jesus, Sam. You bolted in here from your car like one of 'em was after you again...Chris said that you were back, and I had to see you. I was on my way to your house when I saw your car off the side of the road. I-I didn't expect…" Mike retorted, waving his hand at the lighter in her palm before adding, "...any of this." Shoving both hands in his trimmed, black hair, his anger visibly settled. He anchored his eyes on her inner left thigh as thick tears started to form there. Covering his mouth with the hand not holding her old lighter, Mike stepped toward her and finally met her hazel gaze. Lowering his hand, he pointed down where her scars were. Sam glanced off to the side, never feeling more exposed in her entire life. "Wait...Your leg said Hannah, Sam. How long have you...When did you even…?" he whispered.

Sam rolled her eyes, stealing her emotional gaze from him when it got too hard to look at him. No one knew she did this...had done this in the past. Not even the Washingtons. It wasn't like there were a lot of cuts and burns down there...only a few. All of them were pretty easy to hide. Doing all of that had been the only way to numb the loneliness, only amplified by Hannah's rather selfish, hyper-focused nature. Being her best friend had been more complicated than anyone had ever known, but most of their time together had been mostly good. At least for Sam. Just two weeks or so ago, Hannah had been right there in front of her face, reunited again. That monster had spared Josh's life. That creature had probably kept its distance from Mike. The man staring down at her like she was something to pity had thrown himself into the middle of most of the danger, so there'd been ample opportunity to hurt him.

But Sam?

Staring into the eyes of that thing had proven that it was out to kill...the only person left alive who'd only cared about her, wanted to protect her from the others. Sam Giddings had never meant shit to Hannah Washington. At least not really at the end. Before she'd transformed into the horror Sam had personally killed, the signs had always been there. Especially in moments like right now when everything in her life felt more like a memory than reality. A lifetime of one-foot-in, one-foot-out parents mixed with a handful of friends who sometimes gave a shit about her had forged her into someone who was strong.

For the most part. Sam wasn't perfect.

Feeling all of this had always been a little heavy for her toned yet small shoulders to bear. Like a wave of cold water drowning her, it sobered her a bit, the wayward thoughts finally sharpening. "Yeah...well, there's a lot of shit y'all don't know about me," she eventually said, her voice cracking there at the last syllable.

"Those aren't fresh scars, Sam."

"All that misery all of you put Hannah through? It didn't just hurt her. She hurt me, and I hurt myself. Surprised?"

"No...no, that's...that's not fucking fair, Sam," Mike said, stepping closer to her and reaching for her face. "I-I didn't know. I….I was someone else, a stranger in my own body."

Despite her better judgment and all of her defensive instincts, she let his gentle touch ease against her cheek. The heat of his palm resonated all over her body until her toes unconsciously curled in her shoes. Sam swallowed as she stared up at him in silence, licking her bottom lip for no reason and wincing as an unrelenting shiver tickled up and down her spine. He helped her carry her misery. For just a fucking second. The air she breathed in felt lighter as it caressed her heart filling her tight lungs. Tears spilled. They were as uncontrollable as every goddamn thing she felt for him...feelings her body struggled to contain. This wasn't forbidden. It was so much more...foreign. Unnatural for her.

"Not fair?" she whispered. Mike wiped her tears away as she breathed with her mouth hanging while she tried to focus long enough to string a coherent sentence together from her jumbled thoughts. Eventually, she shook her head and searched his dark gaze. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do," she confessed, her voice strained and weak. Pathetic. "Hannah wasn't the perfect friend, but she's all I had. You know? It wasn't the same with anyone else. Not with Beth or...Josh. We were outcasts, together growing up. We were in all of the same dance classes up until she quit them all except ballet. She's the only person I willingly let most of the way in, Mike. But not you. No, you just fucking bulldozed your way right in under my skin, and I don't know how to rip you out. I chose to make some room for her, and she chose you anyway. And now she's just gone..."

"Sam, I'm not going anywhere. I will always be here for you," he promised. Thick tears glossed over his dark gaze right as he swallowed hard, the sound disrupting their shared silence. When Sam parted her mouth, he pressed his index finger to her lips and shook his head. "Please don't say anything. We don't have to talk about any of it. Words will only take you away from me. I just want to feel with you, Sam."

"But I don't want to feel, Mike. Not anything."

"Sam, for once in your life, stop talking. Please…You are the single thing that makes sense. Everything else is scattered, unstable, and jumbled now. Everything apart from you."

"Maybe not in the end, but Hannah and I needed each other," Sam said, her voice scratchy.

"Please, Sam?" Mike quietly begged, readjusting his hold on her to bring her closer to him. "Please don't say anything else."

"I never thought she loved you. I've never personally had that great of an example, but I imagine that love is supposed to be easy. Healthy, maybe? It's not this obsessive, chaotic thing she felt for you. But I know she believed she loved you."

Mike's wary expression broke. His jaw trembled before it clenched. He flattened his brows and pressed his lips into a thin line until they paled. All of a sudden, he was shaking: his head, his chest, his legs. Every part of him that she could feel against her. As more tears welled in his eyes, he strained, flinching like the breath he took felt like daggers poking at his chest. Touching his wild lips with his thumbpad, he lowered it, pressing it along her mouth. The slow movement electrified her, stilling when he brushed his lips at the tip of her nose, peppering her closed eyes and forehead with a few more quick kisses. "You're here...For almost two weeks, I called the police station in Canada every single fucking day just to hear your voice...to know you're alive, but they wouldn't let me talk to you. I didn't know if you were okay, if you were safe. I had to know, and you're finally fucking here in my arms." Finally, he stilled himself by leaning his forehead against hers. Their height differences evened out a little when he reached his strong arm around her body and slipped his toes under her shoes. "Sam, you came out of nowhere..."

Those words tore her heart in two. "And nowhere is where I stay, Mike. At least for right now. If this has a shot at working out, I have to stand on my own. Figure me out before I can even think about...about anyone else."

"Please don't ask me to let you go."

"I'm not sure I have the strength to ask you to do that, but I can, at least, walk away from you."

Mike tightened his arm around her, swallowing as he said, "No." This was the same guy who'd never dropped the infamous and insufferable party bro front around her. At least not until Blackwood. This was the man who'd saved her life that night, the man who'd spoken to her soul without words when they hatched their escape plan. He sounded desperate to keep her close, like she was the source of the very air he breathed in. "We can figure this out if we're together. We fit…" he said, breathless as he choked on another quiet sob. His palm cradled the back of her neck, and he nipped at her throat before brushing his lips there...coaxing a soft, stubborn, and uncontrollable moan from her. Mike held onto her like she would turn to dust if he didn't hold on tight enough.

Sam wanted his mouth on hers more than she'd ever wanted anything. The way his hard body crashed into hers with each and every manic, deep breath he took sent her nerves spiraling out of their tidy orbit. Everything about him frightened her more than Wendigo Hannah had. The threat of dying somehow seemed safer than being in his arms. Before she could give in the way he wanted her to, she closed her eyes and kissed his temple. "Mike, the ending's still open. But I save myself in this chapter," she said, pulling back far enough to look at him again.

He dropped his gaze from hers, still trembling against her. "No, we figure it out. Together."

"I don't know if I can, yet. Mike, everything that happened before Blackwood matters to me. I just...I haven't processed anything...not a single ounce of it. I...I killed Hannah...just days ago. I don't know what's real anymore."

"WE killed her, Sam. Together. Okay? T-That wasn't Hannah. We had to save ourselves. And I will always save you. I will always choose you, Sam. I wouldn't do anything differently if I had the chance to change anything." Dipping his head and resting his chin on her shoulder, he buried his face in her hair, taking her ear between his teeth and sobbing, whispering, "This is real, Sam. It might be ugly. I may never be the guy you deserve, but fuck all of that. We're alive. I know this happened for a reason, Sam. It came from nowhere, but we just fit. That might scare you...I know I'm fucking terrified. It will be hard to accept all of that...and maybe even me, but I've never felt this. Not for anyone…I feel like I've waited for you forever without knowing it. You have changed my whole world...way more than seeing a dozen fucking Wendigos on that mountain ever could."

Sam had to pull herself out of his spell. If anyone was going to control or help steer her, it would be her. It had to be. "What about Jessica?" she said, clearing her throat and darting her eyes up at the treetops. "Aren't y'all together?"

There wasn't any spite or venom in her words. Despite what either of them may want, they weren't together. He really owed her nothing. But the fact was that his life was a bit crowded. Maybe it always would be. Years and years of being alone had culminated in showing her what she wanted from her future partner: to be the most important thing to him. A priority above himself. Was that a selfish thing to want? Sure, maybe it was. But the reality was that that was what she'd give him in return. Take away Blackwood, and this was a man on the path to presidency. He had ambition. Charming. The perfect type of person for the Capital. That wasn't her. It hadn't ever been: not when her own father had tried, and failed, to parade her around the campaign trail when she was a more endearing, dutiful child. Once their shared trauma faded into a distant memory in time, what sort of future could they have? Her parents' tumultuous, distant, and crude excuse of a marriage?

Not ever happening on her watch.

The way he tensed told her everything she needed to know in order to untangle from his grasp. His arms slumped down at his sides as he watched the cogs turn in her head. The smallest shake of his head broke Sam's heart as she met his blank stare. "We're over in everything but name. We haven't really had the time to talk about that shit when she should be focusing on recovering, but Sam...i-it's over."

"I get it...I do. But, I can take care of myself, okay? Jessica...the others? They need you more than I do right now. Fuck, I think you just need to return to normalcy more than you want to admit. You don't have to wait for me or anything. Do...whatever you have to do to get yourself back...if that's even possible. Chris and Ashley both have my number. Call me if anything happens, but I don't have the headspace to deal with anyone or anything else but myself. My parents? They're pretty much all I can handle given everything that's happened the last year. I've lost everything, Mike. Now, I don't even feel like I have myself anymore. I'm not saying it is...but if this is real, I only want to give it a shot when I'm me again. You know?"

Mike reluctantly nodded. Both of his arms dropped limp from her body, and he didn't move or say anything as she stepped away from him. He only watched her as she shoved a bit of her hair behind her ear. She swallowed and tilted her head back toward the road. Sam couldn't gauge his expression. The world felt cold around him now. He followed behind her a few paces back. Time somehow twisted, slowing and speeding up all at once.

By the time they reached the road, neither of them had said two more words to each other. Chris and Ashley were there, each saying something that Sam wasn't able to hear above the high-pitched ringing in her ears. Every sound muted as the ringing almost overpowered her mind. They rushed toward Mike and Sam. Ashley glared at the man as he ignored her. Mike anchored his eyes on his car across the winding road, pulling away from Chris' attempt to stop him. Sam ignored Ashley, instead watching Mike's retreating form slam his car door shut and speeding off down the road. Chris and Ashley bickered a bit, only settling down once Chris grabbed a gas can. Sam felt Ashley's hand grab hers, and the world shrunk back around her.

Finally, she felt contained. In control. They invited her back to Chris' house, but Sam declined. There was somewhere else she wanted to go before trekking back to her large, empty mansion.

"Sam?" Jessica weakly said, gripping her abdomen as she slid up the bed to sit up a little more. All the bruises, cuts, and scrapes on her face, throat, and upper chest were mostly gone, but she still looked like hell.

Sam looked over her shoulder at the girl just as she gently cracked the door, leaving enough space for her to slip out of. "Hey, Jessica…" she awkwardly said, curling some of her hair over the curve of her ear and looking around the hospital room. "I heard you were transferred here, so I wanted to come check up on you. Just got back in town"

"Yeah, I heard from Mike and Ashley that you were finally back home a few hours ago. Have you even gone home yet? You're still in those tragic Blackwood sweats…"

Biting her bottom lip and shoving them to one side, Sam sighed, approaching the bed and laying the colorful bouquet on a table near the foot of it. "I went home...stayed for a little bit. I guess I'm just used to these by now."

"Thank you. They're...beautiful," Jessica replied, her features twitching as she tried—and failed—to hide the lie behind a tense smile. Both sides of her nose crinkled as she regarded the bouquet for a few more seconds.

Sam chuckled, the sound quiet. Certainly not as alive as usual. "They suck," she admitted. "The gift shop's delivery truck doesn't get back around these parts till Thursday."

"Is that what they told you when you bought the ugliest bouquet in history?" the girl in the hospital bed said, her voice louder now that she laughed.

The sound had always grated on Sam's nerves, but after Blackwood Mountain, any small reminder of the life before somehow comforted her right now. But there was something else just beneath the image of this cheerful, confident girl. Something sad, scared. A same sort of tragic tension so many people would never see because they just don't pay close enough attention. The insides of Sam's thighs itched and pinched as a phantom heat prickled the skin there. Scratching the back of her head, she shook it a little and answered. "I spent a lot of time volunteering here junior and senior year."

"Ugh," Jessica groaned with a wayward eye roll. "You've always been such a goody-good."

"Sorry?"

"No," Jessica paused, brushing her hand over her thick side braid and sighing. "It's nice, you know? Knowing that some things never change."

Good? Yeah, Sam was a real hero. She'd abandoned a boy she cared a lot about and killed her best friend. No matter how much fucked up tension or shit had been between them, there just wasn't any chance of coming back from that. But somehow her worst offense was the strange yet strong feelings for the girl in front of her's boyfriend: the guy who broke Hannah's heart for a straight four years until he sent her to an early grave. He was the guy who'd always looked at her like she was beneath him. The only difference between her and Hannah was that Sam hadn't ever entertained his poor attempts at getting under her skin. She'd learned from the best over the years how to ignore others. It took her a second to realize she still hadn't responded.

Fuck.

Jessica squinted, anchoring her undivided attention on the smaller blonde rounding her bed and sitting by the end of it, just out of her reach. Whatever she thought remained unspoken. A forced grin brightened up her features a little. "Well, I'm glad you're here. And finally! We were beginning to wonder what the fuck was up…But I've gotta say, all this attention I'm getting? It's really nice...you know, after everything that happened? I guess almost dying a thousand times in a dark mine makes it easier to appreciate the smaller things in life..."

"I, um...I'm actually not here to catch up, Jessica."

Scrunching her features, Jess drew her head back and parted her lips. "Then why are you here?"

"Originally, I just wanted to see you for myself. I'm happy you're getting better. You look good, all things considered."

"Thank you. You know, all things considered," Jessica replied. She flattened her brows and rolled in her lips before letting them roll back out. Guiding some of her hair behind her ear opposite of her braid, the girl narrowed her eyes as she adjusted in the bed. "Wait, originally? What happened?"

"...I saw Mike. He...He found my car off the side of the road and chased me down in the woods. I-I really just needed some time alone, you know?"

"Weren't you alone for, like, two weeks?"

"Yeah...Anyway, he wouldn't leave and…"

"...And?" Jessica asked, an impatient twitch at the corner of her mouth giving away her inner irritation.

Something about the way Jessica's eyes brightened made Sam's gut jolt to her toes, which curled as she glanced around the room as she swallowed. "I didn't...We...Nothing happened, but I wanted to tell you before you heard it from someone else...I really don't have the energy or mental bandwidth to get caught up in y'all's weird love loop or drama, so I'm just gonna be straight with you. The fact is that I...I wanted something to happen there."

Jessica clamped her hands to her mouth. "Holy fuck! I'm so happy for you."

Sam stood up. "What?"

"Shit, right. Sorry. We're over, officially," Jessica said...a bit too enthusiastically. The girl reached for her phone and fidgeted with it until she brought up her text history with Mike. Turning the phone toward Sam, the other girl's features lit up like a goddamn Christmas Tree in Times Square.

That big smirk plastered across Jessica's pale, warm expression made Sam's hands twitch. Smiles, jokes, and laughter? None of that was a part of this new Post-Blackwood world, a world where monsters born from the depths of her nightmares walked the woods and shrieked just inches away from her fucking face. Honestly? The Post-Hannah world hadn't had much of any of that, either. Sam, this trip is going to change my life! I can just feel it, you know? Mark my words… Hannah's vibrant, vulnerable voice echoed in the hollow cavity of her chest where her tired, aching heart crumbled all over again. The words tickled her body as goosebumps broke out across her tight skin, so clear and loud that Sam actually glanced toward the window, where the nonexistent voice still resonated. That creature's shrills drowned out the quiet echoes of a memory forever lost in the reality that had carried her in its unforgiving current.

"Sam?"

Ripping her attention from the window with an audible gasp, Sam rubbed the back of her neck and rubbed her other palm down her pants with a quick swallow. "Sorry…" she said, raising her hand to take the phone from Jessica, but the girl held onto it with a surprisingly firm grip. Sam bit her lip and furrowed her brows, but she chose not to say anything.

Sam's finally home. But I screwed it all up. It's fucking over, and it never even started. Shit, fuck, shit! Never deserving her aside, fuckity Jesus shits am I a real tool...Jess, tell me you know we're over? Mike's message read. He'd sent it just over forty minutes ago. Jessica scrolled up a little on the phone, showing off more of their conversation.

Jessica's reply read, I mean yeah. We haven't really said as much, but I kinda thought you'd get the hint the second I started yammering about Matt...like over a week ago? Look, you know we'll always be friends. Good friends, but I've got my eye on HIM now...Like I know it's a little soon to start swooning given all these badass bruises and injuries, but seriously? He's a really good guy, and he's the only reason why I'm still breathing. Not discounting everything YOU did, but you know what I'm saying. Right? God...Too bad he's still hung up on That Bitch...And he totally believes I only like him because he saved my life. Like, really? I'm beginning to think my sexual preference is Emily's exes. Yikes. Is there something wrong with me?

I don't mean to be a fucking jackass here, but I really don't have time for all THAT. I seriously need some help here. What the fuck do I do? I think I said too much...come on too strong too soon, Mike texted back.

Surprised? You're the last one to cash out that reality check. Mike, you ARE an ass. That's just your second nature. Better get used to it...and hell if I know? If you want solid life advice, text the Twin Dweebs. I'm sure Chris and Ash have enough time between each round of their sexcapades (which by the way, they pretend AREN'T happening...do they think we're all stupid?) to talk to you about all of that boring shit. But you texted me, so...

The conversation went on, but Jessica pulled the phone away before either of them could scroll up any further. Life had always existed in black and white terms. Unlike her feelings for the boy who'd been the center of her best friend's existence, there was no gray area...and certainly no color. Maybe holding onto the fact that Mike hadn't officially broken up with Jessica was only a way to compartmentalize what was left of who she was and the girl from before. Before Blackwood, those black and white terms had always kept her on the right side, the area where she could hold her head up high and live her lonely life as proudly as possible. Happiness hadn't really ever been her end goal. Pre-Blackwood Sam didn't do bold, colorful, and kaleidoscopic. Complicated, dysfunctional relationships never worked. And when they did, they only dragged unwilling bystanders down to their hell. Exhibit A: her parents...and even Mike and Emily. That had probably been the main reason she'd never allowed herself to feel anything more significant for Josh over the last year.

"None of that matters."

"Of course it does! Like don't get me wrong. Mike's a total babe and all. If I was, like, blackout drunk, I could maybe still tap that, but I'm emotionally unavailable. It's totally his loss if you ask me. I'm a prize he'd have no hope in winning even if he was still interested."

"Right, well...I just wanted to let you know what happened. Wanted you to hear it from me. I wouldn't dream about you keeping any of this to yourself. I know how all of this works with y'all," Sam quietly said while reaching into her pants pocket for her earbuds and phone.

"You think you're not with us? That nothing's changed? Sam, what we all survived keeps us connected. Like, for life. We're a family, you know that. Right? A fucking dysfunctional one, sure, but…we have to stick together."

A loud alarm blared from another hospital room down the hall. Sam's heart somehow froze and melted at the same time, wrangling inside of her tight rib cage until it felt like the bones there pierced through her lungs. Jumping as every hair on her body shot straight up, Sam clutched the thick fabric at her collar just as her back slammed against the closed bathroom door.

" Jesus! "

It was only for a second, a quick and silent flash back in time. But the sterile, bright hospital room drowned in the darkness of the Lodge. The Wendigo's wails ripped through her, but she closed her eyes and cupped the sides of her face, pulling her out of the flashback.

"Sam, it's just a hospital alarm. You're safe here…" Jessica's voice sounded a little distant, but its soft, soothing pitch lulled Sam back down a little.

Squirming, Sam just stared at her shoes. She was fine. Everything was. Sniffling quietly, she managed to ease a painful breath from her dry throat. Shaking her head, Sam guided a bit of her hair behind her ear and looked at Jessica again. "I'm fine, Jessica. Just came outta nowhere is all…"

"No one expects you to be invincible, Sam."

"I said I'm fine."

"Don't do that. Not you, too."

"I'm not doing anything, Jessica."

"Oh, yeah? Ashley's going out of her way to pretend that nothing really happened. It's driving the rest of us crazy!"

"Jessica…"

"For the love of God, call me Jess already. Jesus...You say my name exactly like my fucking mother, and I'm sick of it! Everything on that god-forsaken mountain happened, Sam. And it happened to all of us. That Bitch Emily made her bed. I'm letting her lie in it, but I'm not about to move on like you aren't my friend, Sam! Because that's what you are! Our friend. Emily, Ashley, Chris, and...Mike? They'd be dead if it weren't for you."

A bitter chuckle the taste of bile warmed up her throat. "Oh, I am not the hero in all of this."

"Sam, this is real for him! Please don't go dark on him. Don't run away when you need us the most." The surface-level, sing-song voice faded, replaced with a broken tone far more vulnerable than Sam had ever heard Jessica speak.

Shoving a headphone in one of her ears, Sam sighed, shaking her head and glancing up at the ceiling. "It's not just him, Jessica. It's all of you. I have to be okay, but I'm not sure I can be around any of you for a while."

Jessica drew her head back, slouching back into the bed as she visibly deflated. "But you said you wanted something to happen with Mike. Josh spent all of his time pushing us away after what happened with the twins, and look what happened to him?"

Tears blurred Sam's vision, easily spilling before she had a chance to fight back and control them. Her whole body shook when she lowered her eyes back on the other girl. "Don't...Don't say his name. He, uh…" Sam whispered, wiping her eyes and sniffling. All those files in the basement...his phone? It all hit her again. He'd suffered for so long in silence. And no one had seen it. Exhaling, she continued. "...There was a lot going on with him...Things he never told even me about. I could have saved him had I known. I would have."

"Sam, what happened to him...fuck even with Hannah? That shit wasn't your fault."

"No, it was...I trusted Mike...and the others...to handle him when I shouldn't have. He fucking chased me down while I wore only a fucking towel through the Lodge and into the basement. I let my emotions control me for once in my life, and I abandoned him when he needed me, Jess. If I hadn't done that, he'd be here with us, and I'd have the chance to get angry, to yell at him, or ask him why. But that'll never happen now. It's on me, though. All of it is. You being hurt, Hannah...All of it happened because I never did enough. I could have done something, you know? And now? Now I'm left behind, alone, in a huge fucking mansion with parents who hate me enough to keep me hidden away in the same place that my whole fucking world ended so the press had the chance to quiet down. No, this is where I leave all of you. At least until I get myself back under control again."

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this chapter/story! Posting a review is the best way to let me know you're interested in this story. While I write for myself, it's more fun to feel like there are more of you enjoying this with me, too!

Chapter 3 will come tomorrow with chapter 4 to shortly follow. :)