Hermione didn't hear the door to her apartment open, though she did hear the words that followed from a very familiar redhead.
"Blimey, 'Mione. I told you that you needed to take better care of yourself. You alright in there?" Ron's voice carried from the main room to her bedroom easily. Hermione heard what sounded like the tap turning on, the clinking of dishes, and the soft rustle of what she imagined was the dishwashing brush from underneath her sink.
Her bedroom door opened, and in stepped the redhead. His face held a crestfallen look when he saw the disaster that her room was in, and his wand lifted as he cast the levitation spell that they had learned so long ago. When the clothes had been piled in a corner and the various bits and pieces of trash had gone into the wastebasket, Ron called the small stepstool she kept in her kitchen into the room and sat on it.
"'Mione. Bloody hell. If I'd known it was this bad- I'd have come by sooner. You can't be keeping yourself up like this. It in't healthy, and I can only imagine what's going on in that head of yours." Ron had a wan smile on his face, the concern palpable in his voice. His eyebrows had furrowed and his eyes were searching Hermione's own for what was wrong.
Hermione sat up from her bed. She hadn't slept last night. She was sure she looked terrible, she hadn't slept all night and she had yet to change out of the formal attire she had worn to Azkaban. She shooed Ron away, calling a pair of pants and a loose-fitting jacket from the pile of clothes Ron had assembled from the mess on her floor. She thought, for a moment, how long it had been since she laundered her clothing. The last time that came to mind was the trials of the Death Eaters. Two years. It might as well have been forever ago, for how long her days dragged since the day Bellatrix had been incarcerated.
"Let me change, Ronald." Her voice was quiet, even to her own ears. She wasn't sure he had heard him until he stood and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him. She heard movement in the other room, shuffling and clinking.
When she left her room, she was quietly amazed at the state her small common room was in. The dining table was cleaned, and she imagined Ron had cast some sort of spell to clean out the various stains that had settled into the fabric on the tablecloth. The scrolls and books she had piled atop the table, the coffee table, and all around the common room had all been placed neatly on the bookshelf on the north wall, and the windows had all been spotlessly cleaned. The floor had been swept and mopped, and the cobwebs that littered the corners of the roof had been dusted away. The pile of dishes that she had never gotten the energy to bother cleaning were sitting on the drying rack that had sat empty since she had gotten in it in the vain hope that it would bring her to clean the years-pile-up of dishes.
"Thought I ought to clean the place up a bit, 'Mione. Harry said he wanted to come over sometime, see how you were doing and all. We were thinking some time tomorrow, but if you aren't up for it we can always wait. Just know I'm always here to talk, yeah?" Ron was sitting at her dining room table, hands idly turning his wand over.
Hermione didn't cry. She felt as if she would, she felt the burning in her eyes and the choking in her throat and the quiet pain in her heart that all told her that she would cry, but tears didn't come. She couldn't remember the last time she had cried, either. She couldn't accept this quiet show of kindness. She didn't know what to do, she didn't have any response that would give justice to what her friend had done for her. So, she stayed quiet, instead sitting across from Ron and staring down at the tablecloth, examining the fine weave of the fabric to distract her from the burning in her eyes.
She saw Ron lean forward, that same damnable expression of sympathy on his face. "I saw you don't really have much in the way of food so I was thinking of hopping down to Luna's to go and get something for you. Oh, and about that. Luna opened up a little shop. It's got her own curios and such, but she sells some of the best produce in London. I know you never put much stock in her, but she's gotten some traction on her magical creatures. I imagine you two would get along quite well. She's even wrote a paper, got it published in some fancy magazine." Ron's rambling almost made her smile. It never came. She did feel a bit happier, though, as if the weights on her shoulders were lifted a bit and the ache in her heart had lessened.
When she didn't respond, Ron stood up, stepping beside her and laying a hand on her shoulder. "C'mon, 'Mione. Getting out will do you good, and seeing your old friends definitely will do you good. Let's go meet up with Luna, Neville, and Harry, for good times' sake."
Every time he spoke, Hermione almost felt like breaking. It hurt. The loneliness and the isolation and the lack of anything resembling happiness came rushing in and overwhelmed her. She didn't know what to do. Her mind went so many places to get away from the pain of remembering how empty her life had been after the war, trying to find a way to escape this feeling. She didn't want to feel this hurt, feel this loneliness, and she resented Ron for reminding her.
It took a rational thought, a momentary flash of clarity, to break through to her that it wasn't Ron who had caused this loneliness. It was her. She knew. She hated herself even more for it, but right now, while she was still being rational, she decided to take him up on his offer. "Yes. Yes we should." She wasn't surprised at the hoarseness in her voice. The tightness at the edges that came from tears unshed.
She allowed Ron to guide her to a standing position. She hooked an arm around his, a position she hadn't been in since she had ended their relationship not long after the war. The sucking, whirling sensation of apparation took her.
"Ron, you know better than anyone, dyou honestly think that a Kelpie could leap out of water and snatch someone out of a ship? Not a boat, mind, an actual ship." Harry, Ron, and Neville were involved in a discussion of some form about magical creatures. She felt a warmth in her chest at her friends truly being friends, a fondness for the dynamic and a fondness for the people who she had fought a war with.
Hermione hadn't said much since she had arrived, just a thanks and a few words of appreciation for what they were doing. She knew that she should speak more, even thought of something to say when one of them had brought up a silly topic about warding spells, but she simply said nothing. Too many thoughts and too few thoughts ran through her head at the same time, memories and lost hopes all tangled up together into a ball that she couldn't work through even if she wanted to.
"Hermione." Luna's soft voice interrupted her thoughts, and she met the mysterious witches gaze. "You seem to be lost in something. When was the last time you read a book?"
The question was unexpected, and Hermione had no clue how it was relevant. "I- I read one last summer." Her mind didn't let the question go after she answered it.
Luna leaned forward, rested a hand on her wrist- Her left wrist, she didn't use her right hand for anything beyond using her wand anymore, it made her too uncomfortable. "Hermione. When was the last time you read a book because you wanted to?" The normally whimsical eyes of the blond were locked on her own in an inquisitive gaze, and the steady inspection from Luna made her uncomfortable.
The last time that Hermione had read a book for pleasure was- She couldn't remember. She could remember school, reading a few of the books from the library just because she wanted to know, the burning need was so great, but she couldn't remember anything beyond. Her heart fell at the realization.
Hermione felt the lithe hand squeeze her wrist, then move away. "I thought as much. I brought you a book I thought you might enjoy." Luna pulled her small clutch onto her lap, and with a wave of her wand and the pull of her wrist she lifted a book out that had no business being in such a small purse.
*A Thorough Examination of Assorted Magical Creatures* by Rory McKinnon. The tome looked ratty, the seams on the bindings coming apart and the leather worn on the edges of the covers. For all it's wear, Hermione could only appreciate the gesture. She couldn't remember any time recently where she'd simply read a book to read it. Everything was about the curse, and the war before that. She smiled a wan smile at Luna, the first in far too long, and leaned forward to bring the slim lady into an embrace. "Thank you." Her words were choked with emotion, and she could feel tears burning at her eyes.
Slender arms wrapped around Hermione as Luna returned her embrace, and Hermione could feel the young woman nod. "It's okay, Hermione. You are not alone." Luna's voice was firm, and it was a reminder that Hermione hadn't known she had needed. Her tears fell freely at the overwhelming emotion coursing through her, and she could only cling to the waifish girl as she sobbed out her pain over the last five years.
When they separated, Hermione still brushing at her nose where it ran, Hermione noticed the other three in the group. She hadn't been paying attention to them when she'd been crying her heart out, but now the concern that all three were showing was evident. Ron stood up, taking a step to stand beside her, and placed his hand on her shoulder. "We've got you, Hermione. We've been through everything together. We're not gonna let you alone any more than you would let us alone."
It took all of Hermione's will to not break out into tears again, her eyes tracking to each person among her friends. Her words, when she finally spoke them, were half sobs. "Thank you, everyone. Thank you so much."
(A/N: As someone who's dealt with chronic depression, I understand very well how hard it can hit you and how much it can make everything seem futile. But- Seriously. Spend time with people who care about you and who want you happy. I promise, it will be worth it, and I promise that you will feel better, as long as you keep pushing yourself to stay with the people you love. I know it can be hard, and I know that some days you may just want to stay private so that nobody can hurt you, and so that you don't have to expend what little energy you do have, but I promise, the people who love you are worth it.)