AN: I'm back, and here to give some love and focus to our favorite pink clown and gem-human hybrid. This fic has already started on AO3 and updates have been regular so far. Please note the rating. The sequel has more romantic elements than Making Amends did, and characters WILL talk openly about sex, and eventually consensually participate in sexual scenarios. You've been warned.
Here's a summary of Making Amends for those who are new and don't want to read a 95k word fic. (You can skip this if you've already read it):
Spinel reaches out after Steven's monster incident to apologize and let him know how much she appreciated all he had done for her. They start to get to know each other and begin to hang out weekly. Spinel quickly realizes she is developing romantic feelings for Steven. Spinel is still rather unstable and panics/dissociates when reminded of the garden or her abandonment, which she routinely hides from Steven so as not to hurt her chances of remaining his friend. Steven talks with Spinel and his therapist about the shame he feels for people he hurt. When Steven tells Spinel he's leaving for his road trip, Spinel dissociates and freaks out, assuming Steven is leaving her. Broken-hearted, she poofs. She wakes up reformed, and is encouraged by the diamonds to check the phone Steven gave her to verify that there was a misunderstanding and he that he did want to stay in touch during his trip. Spinel realizes Steven did want her in his life. Steven and Spinel meet up to apologize and lay everything out on the table. Spinel admits she's not as adjusted as she seems and does need help still. Spinel reluctantly confesses that she is in love with Steven, but would gladly not talk or pressure him to return her feelings if it risks their friendship. Steven assures her he loves her very much as a person, but he is in a committed relationship with Connie, who will inevitably stay a big part of his life. Spinel is resigned to accept this if it means continuing to be a part of Steven's life. Connie and Spinel are on friendly terms and Connie is sympathetic to Spinel having good friends like Steven after so long of isolation, even knowing that Spinel has feelings for him.
That's all, folks! Please enjoy this nice, long first chapter
Making Up for Lost Time
Chapter 1: What is This?
Steven Universe was miserable.
At 21-years young, surrounded by friends and family and working part-time running music groups at a trauma resource center the next town over and volunteering at the hospital, Steven shouldn't have a lot to complain about. He lived comfortably in a small house outside Little Homeworld within a short warp or driving distance to most, if not all his loved ones. His therapy sessions had tapered off to every other week now that he hadn't glowed in almost two years, and he felt at peace with his past. The world was safe, and gems and humans had been living peacefully together for over five years.
And yet today, he felt truly, deeply miserable.
"Your body is bigger. Are you doing that 'growing' thing again?" His friend Spinel was laying upside down on Steven's couch with her head hanging off the ledge, waving Nintendo Switch controllers around with her pigtails brushing the floor. She had invited herself over for the day, and they had unanimously opted to spend the day indoors to escape the sweltering summer heat.
Steven and Spinel still routinely hung out at least every week – a tradition they had kept for over 4 years of close friendship. Aside from Connie and his family, Spinel was now one of Steven's closest friends. They may have initially bonded over unfortunate circumstances, poor self-esteem, and an overabundance of trauma, but they had grown tremendously together since then. Spinel was calmer and more confident in herself; and Steven had a better sense of purpose after years on the road. Strange and unlikely though their friendship was, Steven couldn't be more grateful to have her in his life.
Steven turned to look at the gem, his answer momentarily caught on his tongue as he watched Mario expertly maneuver through the on-screen obstacle course.
"No, I probably just gained some weight. It happens when I eat more than I should."
"Really? How come you're doin' that? You needin' extra fuel for somethin'?" Spinel had inevitably picked up a lot of Earth culture and human knowledge, hanging out with Steven so often. There was, however, a lot she was still learning – Connie being the only other human she had ever spent time with.
"No. Uh…I've just been…going through some stuff, and I stress eat. It's no big deal." On screen, Mario abruptly lost his balance and fell off a cliff.
"You okay? You haven't been glowing pink again, have you?"
"No, it's not that. It's just…other stuff." Spinel paused the game.
"'Stuff'?"she echoed, "Are you finally going to tell me why you haven't been lookin' too swell lately?" Steven scratched the side of his face. There was stubble there that he hadn't bothered to shave off, and a dryness to his skin that he wasn't used to feeling. He was still in his pajamas, as he had been for the last three days.
"Y-yeah. Uh. I didn't know how to talk about it." There was no point trying to make excuses now – Spinel knew something was wrong, and had known for some time already. His friend sat up and spun in her seat, giving Steven her full attention.
"Captain, we are ready to listen!"she said with a mock salute. Steven sighed in defeat. Too much time had passed already. All his family and close friends knew, except Spinel. He couldn't put this off any longer.
"…Connie and I broke up last month." For a moment, Spinel's only response was to widen her eyes in surprise. Then her brow furrowed.
"Last month?"she echoed disbelievingly. Steven looked away, ashamed.
"I know, I'm sorry. I didn't know when to bring it up."
"Maybe the last bazillion times I asked you why you're looking out of sorts lately?"Spinel asked, her voice rising, "Why didn't you say something? We promised each other we would always talk to each other if we needed help." Steven shook his head.
"I know, I know. It's just weird talking about it. Everyone loves Connie. We left on pretty good terms, but when I told my family and the Crystal Gems we weren't together anymore, they were really upset about it. I know you and Connie were friends, too. It's been a really uncomfortable topic all around, and I didn't want to risk it being another thing, or for you to feel awkward, too." Spinel's expression softened, stretching herself over to where Steven was sitting.
"Hey,"she said, leaning in close and squishing Steven's cheeks together, "No awkward things. I don't care about any of that stuff. Just don't be sad anymore, kay? I'm staging an intervention right now, mister. A month is way too long for my best friend to be down in the dumps. You're not leaving this couch until you feel better. No butts, no cuts, no coconuts." She released his face with a firm nod, as if that was the final word of it. Steven laughed softly at his friend's seriousness.
"You're not mad I didn't tell you right away?" Was Spinel mad? A little. But she considered the dark bags under Steven's eyes and the pallor look of his skin. She folded her legs more comfortably over Steven's lap, bringing a hand up to gently brush his unkempt hair with her fingers.
"I can't that be mad when my favorite person in the whole world is down and out,"she answered honestly, then looked at him with a more serious expression, "But no more secrets, you hear? You know I hate those."
"I know, I'm sorry,"he sighed, feeling suddenly self-conscious as Spinel soothingly raked her fingers across his unwashed scalp. He had never been more aware of how badly he needed to shower.
"Sooooo. What happened? You guys get in a tiff or something?"
"Nothing happened. We just…realized we were better as best friends than we ever were as a couple."
"How do ya figure?" Steven bit the inside of his cheek, unsure how to bring this up sensitively. It was awkward even at the best of times to talk about his relationship with Connie with Spinel around, with Spinel's own romantic feelings for him like a constant elephant in the room. Spinel had never spoken ill of Connie, but Steven also didn't want to constantly bring up the fact that he was with someone else in front of her. Talking about the reason they had broken up – particularly this reason - was arguably even more awkward.
"We don't need to get into details,"Steven said evasively, "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable." Spinel crossed her arms over her chest.
"Excuse you, but I'll have you know I am the epitome of comfortable,"she said, sagging theatrically into the chair and crossing her legs over Steven's lap as if to prove her point, "See? This is prime listening real estate right here. I'd take a nap if I was any more comfy. But I won't, because I'm gonna listen to my friend until he feels better." Steven smiled warmly.
"Thank you, Spinel, but I'm fine, really. I talked it out with some other people already and got what I needed. I just wanted you to know why I haven't been myself lately, since you've been so worried about me,"he explained. In truth, Steven wanted to vent to his friend. Spinel had a unique way of spinning heavy feelings and finding a way to make them feel lighter. Steven craved that right now. But he knew how sensitive she was, and how she liked to hide her feelings for his sake. He couldn't be selfish and drag Spinel into his relationship problems when he knew she had feelings for him.
Spinel was having a wholly different reaction to Steven's avoidance. Unnoticed by Steven, insecurity and fear flickered in her eyes, like a sputtering spark struggling to get started. Steven didn't want to open up to her. Steven had seen Spinel as useless in helping him with his problem, and had looked to other friends for help instead. Spinel sat back up, unable to even pretend that she was comfortable now when all she could think about was it's happening again he's getting bored of you he doesn't need you.
"Steveeeeeen,"Spinel whined, grabbing his arm and shaking him insistently, "What game are you playing? One minute you're sorry you didn't tell me sooner, and now you don't want to talk about it? Come on, I can't stand seeing you so sad like this. You've been out of it for months, and I couldn't do squat. Let me help, pretty please?"
"You're a good friend, Spinel,"Steven said sincerely, offering her a smile that made Spinel's limbs feel weak, "It's not something that can be helped, though."
"Well not with that attitude!"she challenged, stretching her head upside down and nudging their heads together with a playful bonk," Pleeeeeeease?" Steven sighed. If he didn't tell her at this point, Spinel would take it as a rejection. His friend was infinitely better at managing her emotions than she was when they first met, but Steven knew Spinel well enough by now to know that another 'no' would surpass her limit.
"Okay, just…promise you'll let me know if anything is TMI,"he hesitantly conceded.
"You mean Too Much Interjection? Yes, I promise already!"Spinel countered, her expression becoming serious as she touched his arm and said more softly, "Tell me what happened."
"…I don't know,"Steven sighed, "Nothing really 'happened.' We just started realizing some things, and…we both had to figure some stuff out."
"Liiiiiike?" Steven's face flushed.
"Uh. Well. Like how we were never very…passionate about each other,"Steven finally started, his cheeks burning to think of what he was about to say, "…Physically, anyway. Even when we were first dating, neither of us ever had that feeling that we really wanted to kiss or touch a lot. Looking back, I feel like I was just doing what I thought couples were supposed to do, because I liked living out that romantic fantasy with someone and I didn't know any better. I don't really know how much I felt it, though. We always talked, and did friend stuff. We'd hang out and we'd call them dates, but we'd always want to do the same stuff we did when we were friends. It was nice, and comfortable, but it always felt…off, somehow."
"Hmm-mm, do tell,"Spinel said, suddenly protruding glasses and a clipboard from her gem to mimic Steven's therapist. Steven raised an eyebrow.
"Spinel, are you even listening?"
"Course I am. Lack of passion, check, comfortable, check, doing friend stuff, check,"she recited, making a show of crossing off items off her clipboard. Steven rolled his eyes with a small smile.
"I can't take you seriously with that getup." Spinel nodded, putting her props away.
"Got it. Serious Spinel is in now. Please, continue, sir,"she said, folding her legs and holding her hands solidly in her lap. Steven sighed.
"I don't even know how to talk about the next part."
"You open your mouth, think of what you want to say, and then say it!"
"Spinel…"
"Right, sorry. Serious Spinel," Spinel corrected herself. Steven looked embarrassedly away.
"Um. Remember when you were asking about…those movie scenes where the couples kiss and start taking off each other's clothes?"
"That human mating ritual?"
"Yeah, that. Do you remember what I told you about it?" Spinel paused to think.
"You said that it's when a human male puts his"-
-"not that part,"Steven interrupted with a blush, "I meant about why it was important to the movie."
"Oh! You said that it's something that humans that have strong physical attraction like to do together for fun, or if they're trying to make more humans. And you said it's usually a really big deal for people who do it because it's a really vulnerable act and usually means they really like each other." Spinel remembered that explanation vividly, feeling confused and somewhat sad afterward. She hated thinking about the person she loved connecting deeply with someone else in a way that Spinel didn't know or understand. It made Spinel feel distant from Steven, who, despite being half-gem, was less involved with his gem friend's everyday lives, had moved out of his gem family's house to pursue a boring human job, and was spending more and more time engaging in human life than Spinel really understood.
"Okay, so you remember,"Steven interrupted her thoughts, "Well…We…never really got over the initial awkwardness of…trying to have sex." He glanced up to see if Spinel found this conversation as awkward as he thought it was, but Spinel only blinked at him.
"How come?"she asked instead, appearing completely unperturbed. Steven relaxed.
"Well, we figured it was only natural at first to be nervous, and that maybe it would take a bit for both of us to get going and feel comfortable with it. And we did start to get less nervous around each other, but it was never really…natural." Spinel frowned, trying to understand.
"Why wouldn't it be? You said it's something you only do with someone you really care about, right? Connie's your best friend. You guys care about each other so much."
"I know! It didn't make sense to us, either. That's when we really started wondering. The more we looked back on the last few years of our relationship, the more we realized that we were never really…attracted to each other. I mean in the way where you really, really want your partner. We were best friends, and we started dating because it just seemed natural that we would always be together – and we will! But neither of us ever really wanted to do anything past holding hands and occasional kissing. We never just…touched each other for the sake of touching, or had any desire to have sex beyond feeling like we should after years of dating. We did a ton of research together and tried really hard to make it work, but…neither of us ever got to a point where we actually wanted to do it with each other. So we had to start thinking about what we anticipated for the future of our relationship. We tried to just go back to the way things were before, but then it was all we could think or talk about. Then we thought maybe we just needed a break, but we both knew we had already tried everything there was to try. So we agreed we would see other people and get some other experience before we reevaluate. We promised each other we would always be best friends, no matter what, but…we haven't talked since the day we broke up, over a month ago,"Steven finished, looking down at his lap sadly, "…Now I'm just here, missing my best friend, and freaking out because I probably ruined one of the most important relationships I've ever had." Spinel listened intently, holding her breath as her head spun with everything Steven was saying.
"Was she mad when you last talked?"
"No, not at all. We hugged and promised we'd reach out when we were ready."
"Well, there ya have it. She's just not ready to talk. Otherwise she would have contacted you, right?"
"I guess. It just feel so long, and now I'm overthinking everything. I mean did we really try everything? What if it's just me? What if being half-human messed me up somehow, or I just had really unreasonable expectations from books and movies about what I'm supposed to feel? What if I ruined everything I ever had with my best friend, and this is it and now we're never going to talk ever again because I was a horrible boyfriend?"
"I know I'm biased, but I don't think 'you' and 'horrible' belong in the same sentence. And come on. 'Never going to talk again?'Are you kidding? You're Steven Universe, master of talking things through. Ain't nothing you can't do!"
"Except be sexually attracted to my own girlfriend, apparently."
"Well, I'm no expert about that. But hey, if you figure it's something you both really tried to work out and it still wasn't working - Universe charm and all - then maybe there's just no helping it. I mean if the guy with healing powers can't fix it, that sounds like a problem that maybe just can't be fixed."
"Even if it couldn't be completely fixed, I should have been able to figure out some way to at least make it better,"he argued, shaking his head
"Well, maybe breaking things off was your way of making it better,"Spinel pointed out, "It sounds like you tried everything you could think of. Sometimes when you concentrate too hard on juggling all your balls, you end up overthinking and dropping all of them. Better to pause and correct once you have a better idea of what went wrong than to try to keep going when you know you're off-balance." Steven frowned, chewing on Spinel's point for a moment.
"I guess,"he conceded." Spinel tapped her chin in thought.
"Oh gee, I hope this doesn't mean I have to pick sides,"Spinel said worriedly, more to herself, "She acted totally normal when I last texted her…I wonder if I should say something…"
"She wouldn't just dump all the friends she made through me just because we're going through an awkward spell. Besides, Connie likes you."
"I like Connie, too! But just because I bat for Team Steven doesn't mean I don't appreciate every nice friend I have. You can't take those for granted, you know." She paused, looking up at Steven. "Aah, sorry, I didn't mean to make this into the Spinel-show! This is Steven-time." Steven shook his head.
"No, it's okay. I'm glad to hear she's still texting you. That's important, too."
"Now we just need to get you guys talking again,"Spinel said, tapping her chin in thought, "What could we do to get that going? Hmm…You're the one good at making people feel better. What would Steven do?" She appeared to be talking to herself now, staring up at the ceiling in thought as if the overhead light could bestow her answers. Steven sighed.
"Probably force us to talk it out,"he sighed, "I can't make her reach out, though. I should probably just keep giving her space until she's ready."
"Hmm. Not a big fan of space, personally. Don't you miss your friend? I don't think I've ever seen or heard you go a few days without talking to Connie."
"Of course, I miss her like crazy. She's my best friend…she's still my best friend. I'm not even as sad about breaking up as much as I am about how much I miss talking with her every day. She was such a big part of my daily life, and it kills me that she's just…not anymore." Spinel was quiet as Steven wiped his suddenly teary eyes with his sleeve. She was numb to the uneasiness in her chest that had settled since this conversation started. No, all she saw was the person she loved crying, and she couldn't take it. Her hand instinctually reached for Steven's, her other arm roping around his shoulders.
"Hey, don't be sad. We'll fix this,"she shushed him.
"How? How do you be in an intimate relationship with someone for years and then just…go back to how things were, like it didn't even happen?!"he asked, looking at Spinel with tear-filled eyes. Spinel's heart broke to see Steven cry. She longed to kiss his tears away, burying that urge aside with practiced control and lightly hugging his head to her instead.
"I dunno, but I know about missing your best friend with everything you've got,"Spinel said, unable to stop the almost automatic impulse to wipe his tears, "There's no way Connie's not missing you, too. You're too wonderful not to miss." Spinel tried to imagine not talking to Steven for a month. She could understand why Steven was so distraught.
"I just…hate that I can't talk to her."
Spinel cheeks flushed a little as she slowly released him, chewing thoughtfully on her next words. "Um. I don't really know how to say this sensitively,"she started, looking somewhat uncertainly to the side, "…You know you do have a phone, Steven." The young man blinked slowly, not comprehending.
"Yeah?" Spinel shifted, looking askance.
"Sooooo. Not to compare, but…I would have raised hell to have a way to connect with the person I was missing and get to tell her one more time how much I loved her and missed her. You do have a way to talk to Connie if you really want to. Literally in your pocket." Steven stared at the gem, her words processing at half speed until they abruptly hit him all at once.
"I," he started, and then stopped, realizing what any rebuttal would sound like to the gem who had sat through the breakup of her most significant person for 6,000 years alone without anyone to comfort her. He had the gems, and his dad, and all his friends. Spinel hadn't had anyone. He deflated with a sigh, sagging on the couch.
"Yeah,"he conceded, "You're right. I just…wouldn't know what to say."
"Well, what would you want to say?" Steven leaned his head back against the arm rest, thinking. What would he want to say to Connie? He rested his hand over his chest, as if to somehow touch the aching void that her absence had created. The room fell silent for a minute as Steven seriously considered the question.
"I'd say…I miss you more than I know how to say, and…I know things are weird right now, but I keep thinking about you every time I get up to make coffee, because of how we'd always race to get up in the morning first to make it for each other. I miss the way your face scrunches up when you're reading something really important, and how you always have an answer to any question. I miss practicing guitar in your dorm room, and not caring if I mess up, because it's just you and me there. I miss grabbing lunch with you on breaks and the combo plate we'd share at the place on the corner, and hearing about your day and all the smart things that you're learning. I miss looking at my schedule for the day and looking for any free time I can swing by campus to come see you. Almost every picture in my photo library has you in it somewhere, and I think about how much it means to me that you were there in every stage of my life, always there for me when I needed you. I'd say… You were always a part of my life, and I still want you to be. And I guess I'd just ask her to please talk to me. I miss my jam bud."
"How do you spell 'schedule'?"
"S-C-H, wait, what?"
"Never mind, spell check fixed it. Aaaaand send!" Steven whipped his head around and stared in horror at Spinel, typing rapidly on her phone while he was talking.
"SPINEL?! What did you do?!"
"Tried your plan, since those always seem to work. Hopefully now you guys can talk, and you won't be sad anymore, right?"
"Spinel, you can't just"-
-"oh look, she's calling me!"
"Shit, wait! Don't answer it!"
"Why?"Spinel asked, genuinely confused.
"Because…because I'm not ready!" Spinel stared at her friend for a hard moment while the phone buzzed ominously in her lap, the only sound filling the otherwise tense silence between them. Then she reached out and placed her hands firmly on Steven's shoulders, staring intently into his eyes.
"Steven, for real. Take it from someone who knows. If you really love someone, and you have an opportunity to say it, and to be with them, you should say it. Even if it's awkward. Don't waste any more time feeling sad and alone. You can do this." Steven stared at his friend looking emphatically at him, her eyes shining with conviction. The phone continued to buzz.
"…Okay. Okay, yeah. You're right." Spinel nodded, never breaking eye contact as she wordlessly handed him the phone. Steven took it with shaking hands, glancing up at his friend one more time before tentatively tapping the answer button.
"Hey Spinel? Is Steven with you?"Connie's voice filled the space between them. Steven's heart lurched to hear Connie's voice for the first time in so long. Tears unexpectedly prickled his eyes as mixed waves of confused relief and fear flooded him. Pink eyes bore into his, firm and grounding, reminding him that he could do this. Steven slowly lifted the phone to his ear.
"Hi. It's me."
"…Hi. Spinel just texted me what you said,"Connie said, "…I missed you, too." A lone tear slipped down Steven's cheeks as he looked up at Spinel, who met his relieved eyes with an encouraging smile. Steven quickly wiped his face, steadying himself with a bracing breath.
"Do you have a second, or were you guys in the middle of something?"Connie asked, her voice distant and muted from Spinel's place on the couch but nonetheless audible in the silence.
"N-no, I can talk. Just…hang on a sec." He took the phone away from his ear to look at Spinel. "I'm going to take this outside, if that's okay. Are you going to alright here for a little bit?" Spinel nodded and gave him a wordless thumb's up. Reaching into his pocket, Steven handed Spinel his own phone, which she accepted with a smile. Steven still made sure she had something to do when he had to leave the room, even though her tolerance for being alone had tremendously improved over the years.
"I love you. Go get your bestie back,"Spinel whispered, gently touching his face without thinking, "And come back smiling, please." Affectionate warmth flooded Steven's chest as he looked at his friend. He wasn't sure what compelled him to do it. But he suddenly found himself leaning forward to quickly press a kiss against Spinel's cheek. Her eyes widened in surprise, too stunned to respond. Steven himself was surprised at the impulsive decision. He didn't wait for the reality of what he had done to hit. He cast Spinel one last appreciative smile before he put the phone back to his ear and walked out the back door.
Spinel watched him go with a weight in her chest that didn't match the warmth that sat there with it. She touched the place his lips had been, feeling the ghost of him linger there. In five years of knowing him, Steven had never once kissed her there. He had always been so guarded with showing physical affection with her. Being in a committed relationship with someone meant that physical affection was going to be mostly for that person, Steven had explained once. Spinel hated it, but there was little she could do about Steven and Connie being together except ask for what she wanted and accept what little he would give her. So to receive something as intimate as a kiss - completely unprompted – made her whole body feel warm and gooey. She laid her head on her knees, unable to help the dreamy smile on her face, trying to think of the kiss and not of the quiet in the house.
She turned on some old swing jazz when the beginnings of anxiety began to creep in and the initial euphoria faded away as the minutes passed. She could tolerate being alone better than she could in the past, but her thoughts right now couldn't help but buzz in her head. What if Steven came back and Spinel's plan had made things worse? Would Steven hate her? What else could she have done? Let Steven continue talking about how badly he wanted a more physical relationship with his partner, when that was everything Spinel had ever dreamed of for herself? Spinel was a pathetic, lovesick fool who would do anything for Steven's smile - even if it meant bringing Steven together with the person who was directly in Spinel's way. She hugged her knees close to her chest, praying that the push she had given him had been enough. It didn't matter how much she loved him. It didn't matter how much not being allowed to show it killed her a little on the inside.
Please be happy, Steven, she silently prayed.
She immediately looked up when Steven returned half an hour later. A beat passed as the two met each other's eyes, the soft music from Steven's phone the only sound filling the empty space. Then, as promised, Steven smiled.
"We're going to get coffee this weekend,"he said, "We both agreed that it was never not going to be weird at first until we both put in some effort to work through it. We talked about how much we've realized more than ever from being apart that we still need to be part of each other's lives." He paused, looking down at his shoes for a moment before raising his eyes back up to the waiting gem. "It was really nice, hearing her voice again. I really, really needed that."
"My methods weren't too cruel and unusual then?" Steven laughed, shaking his head.
"No, it was just the push I needed. We still have a lot to work through, but at least we're talking again. I couldn't have done that without you. Thank you, Spinel." Spinel beamed, then held her arms out, flashing a cheeky smile.
"Pleeeaaaase?" It was a game they played – one that was ongoing and four-years tired. It was the only way Spinel could hope for any tokens of much-desired affection from Steven, his already established relationship and unrequited feelings not withstanding. She would tease him with an exaggerated 'please?' and he would either grant the request or have to come up with some light-hearted way to tell her no. Sometimes she did it with things were outlandishly a no, just to tease him and get him riled up. She was always fond of the memory of chasing him around the house making exaggerated kissy noises, just to hear the musical sound of his laughter and let him know that there was no ill intent behind the requests. She was naturally affectionate, even without the deeper pull for intimacy. And as long as Steven thought it was just a game, he wouldn't resent her for asking all the time.
To her delight, Steven granted her wish this time.
"Yes, of course,"he answered her request with a sincere smile. He leaned down and Spinel met him halfway, stretching to eagerly loop her arms twice around his back. He squeezed her gently, and Spinel was surprised when he didn't move away even after their usual customary couple seconds.
"Thank you,"he said again, softer this time.
"Of course. I love you too much to let you stay sad. Nobody should have to sit around wondering if the person they love still loves them back. Least of all you,"Spinel said softly against his shoulder, "Not that I would know, of course." Steven managed a soft chuckle at her sarcasm. Steven's arms tightened around her, pulling her closer into the warmth of his chest. Spinel held back the instinct to melt a little, consciously keeping her limbs in tact. Being held in Steven's arms for any length of time was a dream.
"This whole time I was worried that you wouldn't want to hear about what was going on if it involved me and Connie trying to be closer, but you always continue to surprise me." Spinel didn't say anything, feeling her metaphorical heart twist uncomfortably inside her, silent and unseen. Instead she pressed her nose hard against his shoulder.
"You really are the best, Spinel. What can I do to thank you?"
"You're doing it right now, silly,"she replied, indulging herself by nuzzling her head underneath Steven's chin, "Warm hugs from Steven are the best thanks." Steven's hand came up to touch the back of her head, the other around her back. It wasn't exactly the most typical of positions for two 'friends' to be in for an extended period of time, but Steven knew this meant more to Spinel than just an opportunity to flirt. His friend had been scared, alone, and without love for most of her life. She was touch-starved, and desperate for connection after so long of isolation. For better or for worse, Steven had become her hope, and a new reason to love. Steven understood how sacred and special any time was where she could be held, comforted, touched, and enveloped in safety and warmth. So he held her, wordlessly thanking his friend for restoring love in his life by giving her back some of the love that she had lost.
"Can I have a few more seconds like this with you?"she asked quietly, uncharacteristically serious, "Please?" She wouldn't say it. She never talked about how scared she felt – all the time, no matter how many years had passed – that he would leave her, get bored of her, be irreconcilably angry with her, or realize her friendship wasn't worth the effort. But being close like this helped. And the sense of peace she felt right now outweighed the worry she had felt moments ago.
"You can have all the seconds you want this time,"Steven whispered back, surprised to realize that he meant it. He was usually at least a little self-conscious when his friend would show her affection, but he felt strangely at peace right now. Was it because he was no longer in a relationship, that he didn't need to worry about being complicit in sharing himself with another? He didn't know, but for some reason he sincerely wanted to keep holding her. There was no worry in the back of his mind now, no discomfort or fear that he was being unfaithful if he let Spinel be affectionate. His friend felt warm and nice in his arms, and for once he was able to simply allow himself to appreciate the feeling of her long arms stretched around him, her light weight pressed against him, the smell of flowers that she perpetually carried with her.
Spinel laughed, her breath ghosting against his neck. "That would be all the seconds, forever and ever. I don't think you high-maintenance organics could handle my needs."
"Hey, who are you calling high-maintenance?" They laughed, the sound soft and comfortable and familiar. Spinel's hands shifted more comfortably around his lower back, her cheek resting serenely against his chest. She had enjoyed the soothing rhythm of Steven's heartbeat before, but never had she heard it beat so loudly, or so fast.
"Hey, you got your friend back,"Spinel said soothingly, attributing his faster heartbeat to leftover nerves, "Everything's okay now." Steven himself was noticing the physical change in his body as he continued to hold her. His face felt warm, and his hands felt distinctly sweaty. He could feel his heart pounding wildly in his chest, and he knew Spinel must hear it, too. He swallowed uncomfortably, looking down at his friend and suddenly feeling his mouth go dry and the words get stuck in his mouth.
What is this?
"Y-yeah. Yeah, everything's alright now,"he managed.