There was no intro from Chris, signalling that something was quite off from the usual.. A black screen with letters flying around on it, all while a guitar riff played. The letter "T" flew across the blank space, being followed with a clip from one of the previous episodes, this clip being from the very first episode, with Sebastian and Haley yelling at each other as they tried to get out of the submarine.
"'I may be an asshole, but at least I'm not a whiny baby!'"
"'Are you kidding me!? You are too a whiny baby, remember when you lost the color in your hair? You cried about it for days!'"
"'Better than crying about everything all the damn time!'"
"'You bastard, I do not!'"
"'You do too!'"
When the clip cut out, the letter "D" flew across the blank screen, again, being followed by a clip, this one being another that was from the first episode. This time, it was when Luna and March were coming off of the submarine, and Damien was grudgingly murmuring off to the side.
"'You bet!I just hope all the negativity from last season has cleared up...it was a little awkward.'"
"'Now, March, you must admit that you had a good hand in the negativity, don't you agree? I mean, you did-'"
"'Let's not talk about that! I think everyone did what they should've done afterwards, and it's time to let dead things be gone with the wind.'"
"'Of course you two feel that way. After all, you guys didn't get humiliated in front of millions.'"
The next letter to fly by was an "L," soon being followed by another clip. This one was from the third episode, where the group was lost in the mansion, and Luna and March we're arguing with each other.
"'Sure, go and blame me! You and I both know that I was just sitting there with my makeup running down my face, you're the one who kissed me! I didn't even do anything! And you know what? At least I apologized to Damien! What did you do? Avoided him for as long as you could? So, tell me again, how exactly it's my fault that you did that.'"
"'You…! You know that it was really hard for me to even think about talking to him, I told you that! And he and I really weren't even dating yet, so it really shouldn't be that much of an issue to begin with!'"
The letter "C" came flying around this time, and the clip that followed it came from the fourth episode, when Natt was trying to console March.
"'I know...I know she was right about that part, but it's just hard to...face him, after all of that. I want to apologize to him, I really do. And I know it was the dumbest thing that I've done, but...every time I find myself with an opportunity to do it, I just freeze up. Why do I freeze up? Why can't I just say what I want to say? Dammit!'"
Finally, the last letter flew by, this one being an "A." It was followed by another clip, this one from the fifth episode, right when March was trying to save Damien from the paparazzi.
"'Hey, paparazzi! You want a hot, juicy story? Well, get this! When I was in my relationship with Luna, I cheated on her with several other people!'"
The letters pieced themselves together to spell out "TDLC: A," and just like that, the guitar riff finished and the letters disappeared from everyone's sight.
The camera hovered over an ocean, quickly descending beneath the water and happening upon Atlantis, zooming in on the wreck of the Chris space station, where the host himself was on his knees, sad that there was an asteroid in his face, while Poseidon patted him on the shoulder and Amphitrite sighed in annoyance.
"Dear mom and dad, I'm doing fine," the camera quickly shifted over to the carnival zone in Atlantis, showing Natt and Anne on a large Ferris wheel, enjoying their time together until it suddenly fell out of place and rolled away.
"You guys are on my mind," down at the controls, Zachary and Amelia were revealed to be messing with them, laughing maniacally until Vicente came over and bonked both of them on the head with plastic baseball bats.
"You asked me what I wanted to be and I think the answer's plain to see," in one of the carnival tents, March and Luna watched Benjamin in awe as he rode a unicycle while bouncing on a trampoline, juggling bowling pins, and holding a torch with his teeth.
"I wanna be famous!" Tony tossed a frisbee at the wheel, causing Benjamin to fall on top of an unsuspecting Bonnie, and the torch to set his shirt on fire before the bowling pins landed on his head, which caused Liz to give him a thumbs up with an evil grin on her face.
"I wanna live close to the sun," out in the ocean, Alex was in his diving suit, trying to catch a sea monkey, but failing utterly, just like he had when it was a space monkey, while Dusty shook her head in disappointment, lassoing the creature back to them, but catching Jett instead.
"So pack your bags, cause I've already won," on the seafloor, Archie studied a squid closely until it shot ink all over his helmet's glass shield, which made Jianne giggle a little bit before wiping it off.
"Everything to prove, nothing in my way, I'll get there one day," not too far from where the two were, Damien and Gretchen ran away from a massive shark, which knocked them off to the side, showing that it was swimming away from Flint, who was throwing rocks at it while Alexis chased after him.
"I wanna be famous!" the camera switched gears to show a submarine, with arcade-esque machines in it that Taylor and Crustacean were fighting over.
"Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na," zooming into a "pod" of sorts near the arcade games, a virtual world that was full of immaculate fantasy aspects and monsters was shown.
"I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!" Nicolás, dressed as a knight, was running in fear as blasts of dark energy were tossed at the ground behind him, each blast destroying part of the ground.
"I wanna be, I wanna be, I wanna be famous!" the camera revealed Thomas, in dark mage garb, as the source of the blasts, floating in the sky and laughing maniacally until Maggie, dressed as a witch, flew over to him on her broom and tackled him to the ground, making out with him before he blasted the camera with one of the energy balls.
Afterwards, the whole group was seen on a nautically themed aftermath stage, which Sebastian and Haley were at the center of, glaring at each other while all of the contestants, accompanied by Maggie, who was hugging Thomas tightly, whistled.
As the intro came to a close, spotlights lit up a nautically themed aftermath stage. There was a couch on the right side of the stage, facing the audience. It had red cushions, and the backing of it seemed to be made out of coral, or at least designed like it. On the left side, not too far from where the couch was, there was a chair, this one seeming to be made with a seashell backing and blue cushions. Between the seating arrangements, there was a single table, this one looking like a large clam. Off to the far right of the stage, there was a set of risers, although they were completely empty at the moment.
Suddenly, from the far left of the stage, Haley came running. She was still sporting her new, ass-kicking outfit, and she had a massive smile on her face. She waved at the audience, soon realizing that they were all cheering for her, and blushed from nervousness. The martial artist shyly shuffled over to the couch, sitting down on the right side of it and glancing back over at the far left of the stage. She let out a sigh, her face soon fixing into a glare as she was growing impatient.
A moment went by, and there was still no sign of the second aftermath host. Haley stood from her seat, soon stomping off through the way she entered from, and wrestling around with something backstage. "Ow, ow! Quit crunching my steez, I'm trying to get ready for the show!" A familiar jerk's voice could be heard from where Haley had run off to. "If you don't let me get ready, how are we gonna be on time for the episode? Hm?"
"You nitwit, the episode is already starting! Now bring your sorry butt on out here before I kick it out here!" Haley's voice was fierce, quite the development from how meek she was in the previous season. The boy could be heard groaning loudly, and soon, there was some shuffling around.
Haley came running right back out, plopping down onto the same side of the couch as she was before. Then, soon following her, Sebastian came along, his hair soaking wet. He was entirely shirtless, and had just barely had the time to toss his pants on. The crowd booed him for the most part, and he turned to face them, sticking his tongue out at them. "Hate me all you want, nerds. I'm here grinding to the finish, getting this bread, and landing some sweet ladies in the process." They kept booing at him while he went to the left side of the couch, sitting down as far from Haley as he possibly could.
"You know, that's actually not true. Sebastian hasn't had a date since the two of us split up." Haley held her hand up to her mouth, giggling behind it as the crowd started to mockingly laugh at the boy as well.
"Oh, and you've had so much luck with romance, haven't you Haley?" Sebastian smirked at her, causing her to shoot a glare back at him. "I'm sure that it's a boy that you've been crying on the shoulder of at night, definitely not your pillow." The boy looked over to the audience, grinning as he heard a chorus of "oo"s erupting from them. He snickered for a bit, only for her to throw a tv remote at his face. "Okay, that was uncalled for." He rubbed his now red cheek, staring back at her with unmatchable irritation.
"Oops! Seems my fingers just so happened to slip!" Haley giggled, waving the incident off as if nothing had even happened. "But now that both of us hosts are here…" Haley stood from her seat, waving happily to the crowd. "Welcome, one and all, to the Total Drama: Lost City - Aftermath!" The crowd cheered loudly some more, only for Sebastian to roll his eyes at them. He stood from his seat as well, trying to shush the noise by waving his hands.
"Come on, folks! You're all cheering, but we haven't even started talking about me and how wonderful I am, yet!" Sebastian beamed, but the crowd wasn't having it. They started throwing things at him, ranging from empty soda cans to half-eaten buckets of popcorn. "You guys wouldn't know a badass if he walked up to you and knocked you flat for being the pansies that you are." He grumbled as he and his co-host sat down on the couch again.
"Now, we both know that a lot of people are probably wondering: what exactly was it that caused the two of you to break up? Well, as it turns out, a fan of the show rudely followed us the night of the break up and recorded it!" Haley gritted her teeth as she tried to maintain a smile. "They sent the video to us, begging us to show it to you guys! Now, as much as I wanted to toss it, Sebastian kept saying we should air it solely to spike up the ratings. I really hate to do this, but here we go." She sighed, sitting back down in her seat while Sebastian pressed a button on the remote she threw at him. This caused a screen to descend from the ceiling, and a video to start playing on it.
There was a camera view following the two of them as they were walking down the sidewalk. Sebastian was looking down at his phone, completely uninterested at whatever Haley might've been doing at the time. She sighed to herself as she trudged along behind him, looking around at some restaurants along the side of the road. Suddenly, she stopped at an Italian place, pointing up to it and smiling. "Hey, babe! Think we should maybe give this place a try tonight?" She looked over, only to find that he was already much further down the sidewalk. She made a pouting face, rushing on over to him and grabbing his arm. "Babe!"
"Oh my Gooooooooooooood, whaaaaaaaat do you want? Can't you see that I'm trying to focus on Pikiman Go?" Sebastian showed her his phone screen, revealing that he just found a shiny Pikiman, and was trying to catch it.
"Well, I figured that we could, oh, I don't know, maybe go somewhere nice for dinner? I've kinda been pointing out all these places we could try, and you've just been ignoring me this whole time...it's just a tad…" Haley looked off to the side, almost as if she didn't want to say what she was trying to say. "Well...nothing, sorry I even brought it up."
"Yeah, that's what I thought. Don't worry, we can just go to Burger Queen or something later," the boy refocused on his phone, swiping up with his finger and clenching his fist soon after. "Aw, sweet! I caught this one!"
"That's wonderful…" The two of them kept walking a bit, with Haley letting out an annoyed sigh. She kept following behind him, noticing that a car was coming from one direction. Sebastian noticed something and suddenly leapt out of the way. She looked back at the car, noticing that it was running through a mud puddle. The mud splashed all over her, and she gasped as it coated her clothes. "M-my clothes...my hair...I'm soaked!"
"Yeah, maybe you should've been paying a bit more attention to where you were walking if you didn't wanna get all splashed. Guess we're gonna have to cancel the date, can't go and get dinner with you looking like some sort of mud monster, can we?" Sebastian shrugged, turning back and walking back the way that they came from. Haley gritted her teeth at the boy, following back after him and grabbing him by the shoulder, only for him to shove her hand off. "Hey! Don't go touching my jacket with your mucky hands!"
"Oh, I'm sorry, does that bother you? Well, everything about you bothers me!" She crossed her mud-covered arms, fully fed up with Sebastian and his snarky attitude. "You've been focusing on your phone all night, you always pick our dates to be at some crappy fast food place, and you make me the butt of all of your jokes. I'm just so sick of it!"
"Meh, if you want someone more fun than me, go date a monkey." Sebastian shrugged, starting to walk away from her again. Haley kept growing more and more angry with him, eventually snapping.
"You know what? If this is how you're gonna treat me, we're through! God, I don't even know what I saw in you to begin with, you're a total dick!" Haley kept on shouting after him, though he didn't seem to care, as he kept walking away.
The video soon shut off, with the screen going black, though it didn't ascend to the ceiling just yet. Haley crossed her arms as she looked back at the crowd, while Sebastian was snickering to himself. "Man, Hales! You totally looked like a baby throwing a tantrum in there, all covered in mud and guck!"
Haley's brow twitched in anger as she stood from her seat, clearly unamused with the boy and his arrogance. She stood from her seat, cracking her knuckles. "Oh, well you know what I think, Sebastian?" The boy gulped as he noticed her coming towards him, and the video feed suddenly cut out, showing a screen that had the words, "We will return after this brief advertisement."
The feed switched over to a view of a woman in a phenomenally dirty kitchen. There were dirt stains everywhere, from the walls, to the floors, and even on top of all of the counters. She looked confident, though, as she held a small, pink rag in her left hand. She was about five feet tall, maybe a bit more than that, and her skin was lightly tanned. Her eyes were green, and they had a determined stare to them. Her wavy hair was brown, and it went down just past her shoulders. While she wasn't entirely thin, she wasn't phenomenally large, just a tad chubby. Her lips were curved into a devilish smile and coated with a daring red lipstick. Her clothes were simple, but they worked well for her: a pink sweater, a pair of tan, khaki pants, and black loafers. Her ears each had a pearl earring dangling from the lobe, and her left ear had a wireless mic hooked around it, the input of which was near her lips.
"Hello, one and all! I'm Renee James here for the newest addition to the Brysol family of products: the Reddy Rag Mini!" The spokeswoman held the rag up with a proud grin on her face. "This guy may seem on the small side, but I assure you, he packs quite the punch! Countertop grime making you gag every time you see it?" She jumped on over to one of the counters, swiping over it with the rag and clearing up the grime in no time. "It doesn't stand a chance against the Reddy Rag Mini!"
Renee moved over to the wall, cringing as she saw the mass of black mold that was on it. "Mold stains can always be tricky, but when you've got a Reddy Rag Mini on your side, this is hardly a war!" She ran the rag over the mold, clearing it off and revealing a shiny surface underneath. She smiled widely at the camera, revealing her sparkling, white teeth. She then went down to the floor, noticing a spill of some sort. She touched her finger to it, revealing that it was quite sticky. "Sticky spills from your son's juice box being the bane of your once clean socks? Well, the Reddy Rag Mini will make sure you never have to feel the disgust of sticky steps ever again!" She swiped over the sticky stain, clearing it up almost instantly.
Renee went back over to the center of the room, revealing that it was completely sparkling and clean now. "And look, it doesn't dirty up easy!" She held the rag up, showing that there was hardly an ounce of grime on it, even after all the cleaning it had been used for. "And when you do need to clean it, it's machine washable! So make sure you call in now to order your Reddy Rag Mini!" As she smiled and waved to the camera, some small scrolling text displayed on the bottom of the video.
"Please note, do not wash the Reddy Rag Mini in the same cycle as any other clothing item, it will cause them to disintegrate in the washer. Also, do not lick the Reddy Rag Mini, your taste buds will melt off and your ears will invert. Brysol is not liable for any of these things happening, you have been warned."
The advertisement finally cut out, showing the aftermath stage again. The crowd cheered as the camera zoomed to the stage, revealing that Sebastian now had a large bruise on his cheek. Haley grinned at the boy, who glared back at her. "Welcome back, everybody! Thanks to Brysol for sponsoring us in this episode, and thanks to Renee for being such an...interesting spokeswoman!"
"Yeah, she's totally interesting," Sebastian nodded in agreement. "And by interesting, I mean she's super friggin hot!" Haley glared at him, though he didn't seem to pay her any attention. "But anyways, how is a seventeen year old girl already doing that well? She really must've killed those auditions for the company to pick her as their spokesperson, eh?"
"Well, as it turns out, she actually is the daughter of the former spokesman, Philip James. When he got really ill recently, she took over the mantle for him. And the ads have been far better since she's been in them, if I do say so myself. What do you- are you sleeping right now!?" Haley slammed her fists down on the table as she saw Sebastian snoring next to her on the couch. He suddenly snapped up from the noise, looking around at his surroundings, albeit still drowsy.
"Huh? What happened? I had some dream that some boring lady was talking to me about a bunch of dumb stuff that I don't care about." He glanced over at Haley, only for her to slap him where the bruise on his face was. He recoiled in pain, hissing at her. "How could you do that!? It's still stinging and you just up and whack me there!?"
"Well, maybe if you would start taking this show seriously, I wouldn't have to deal with you like a disobedient child. But, moving on, I'm sure the audience was expecting to hear from some of the fallen contestants of Lost City, right guys?" Haley cupped her hand around her ear, leaning towards the audience as they loudly cheered. "Well, we've got a treat for you! ...Well...kind of!"
"Right, kind of." Sebastian rubbed his cheek, which was still in tremendous pain. "So, kind of a weird thing happened. After a contestant goes down the Water Slide of Shame, the Submarine of Losers is supposed to bring them our way. Well, we seem to have...misplaced some of the contestants. The first losers, Crustacean, for example. She just never showed up after her elimination...in fact, our sources say that she ended up going back home to Australia, and doesn't even remember being on the show! Kinda weird how that happens, isn't it?"
"Not only that, but we weren't able to locate Thomas, either." Haley shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "All the info we have on him is that he met up with Maggie after his elimination, and the only way we found that out is from Dana Starshine, I'm sure many of you have heard of her, right?" The crowd cheered again, bringing a smile back to Haley's face. "But, lucky for us, there is still one other contestant that we can interview."
"That's right, folks!" Sebastian stood up from his seat, pressing a button on the remote and flashing a picture of March on the screen. "This contestant went super far in the last season, and is known for cheating on her boyfriend with the dastardly little minx we know as Luna! She then spent most of her run on the show being depressed about the big break up between her and her now ex-girlfriend. Oh, and trying to apologize to Damien, although quite a bit late. Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for March Villanueva!"
From the far left of the stage, March came running. She waved to the crowd, half of which were cheering for her while the other half was booing her. She tried to keep a smile on her face the whole time, but the "boo"s kept getting to her, and she ended up sadly trudging over to the chair that was across from the couch. She sighed as she sat down, trying to perk up as she looked over at the two hosts, both of which were smiling back at her.
"Welcome to the Aftermath, March!" Haley greeted the girl, the smile still on her face. "What's it been like to actually have a chance to compete in the show instead of being forced to leave the show and do a side gig the entire time?" March opened her mouth to say something, but she was quickly interrupted by Sebastian.
"Yeah, we would love to know what it's like! You know, to not have your shot at the five million just torn from your hands, but to willingly give up on it for the sake of an extremely belated apology!" March could sense that there was a lot of hostility coming from the two of them, and she tried to shrink down in her seat.
"Because, well, if we were on the show, we would actually try to compete! Not everybody gets a shot at a big amount of money like that, surely you would actually try to get it instead of squandering it for nothing!" Haley's eye twitched, and March started feeling smaller and smaller as they berated her with their questions. "No, but seriously, how was your tiny tiny amount of time on the show?"
"Um, w-well," March piped up from her almost powerless position, her voice squeaking like a scared cat. "It was mostly...well, sad, to be honest. You know, with the whole break up and all...but, it got a lot better in the last episode I was there! I mean, being able to do what I did...I don't know, it was kind of relieving. B-but I'm sure you guys would've made it really far if you were competing!"
"Oh, are you so sure about that? I quite like to think that Sebastian would've been eliminated right away and there would be more time for me to shine on my own!" Haley beamed in her seat, only for Sebastian to shove her aside.
"Come on, now, we all know that I do so much better than you in a competitive environment! I mean, be honest with yourself, Hales! You would end up apologizing to everybody you voted for!" Sebastian nodded over at the crowd, much of which was mumbling in agreement to what he had said. "In fact, you've said sorry so many times, I'm getting the feeling that it's your favorite word? Don't you agree, March?"
"Well, I don't wanna cause more drama between you two...but you do kinda say sorry a lot, Haley." March chuckled nervously, but shut up immediately when Haley started glaring at her. "It's true, though! We were on the same team last season, we all got to hear you say it a good deal!"
"Don't make me start calling you a no-good, cheating whore, Villanueva!" The crowd gasped as Haley said her piece, and she immediately covered her mouth with her hands. "O-oh my goodness, March, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to-"
"See, you just said it again," March pointed out, causing Haley to grit her teeth while Sebastian let out a booming laugh. He wiped his tears from his eyes before holding his hand out for a high five from the guest, though she left him hanging there.
"Leaving a guy like me hanging? Pfft, whatever, I don't need a high five from you anyways, dweeb." Sebastian slouched back on the couch, looking off to the side as he pouted. March didn't entirely feel comfortable as the two hosts were both clearly upset with her, but at this point, there wasn't much that she could do about it.
"U-um, maybe we can move on with the interview? I don't wanna sound pushy or anything, but you guys are kind of...w-well…" The two of them both leaned towards March, each staring at her with malice in their eyes. She gulped nervously, shrinking down into her seat even more. "N-nevermind! We can do whatever you guys wanna do!"
"Oh, wonderful, wonderful!" Haley perked right up, snatching the remote from Sebastian's hand and clicking it to display the thumbnail of a video with March in it. "Luna decided to send us this video that she got from your laptop a while back, gotta say, I'm not sure you're the best dancer I've seen, but you sure are an interesting one!"
"Oh God…" March covered her face as the video started to play, revealing that she was in her bedroom at home. "O-oh, this is gonna be so embarrassing, but I really wanted to jump in on this trend. Um...let's see here...aha!" She leaned down to her laptop, pressing a button on it and starting a trendy song. She backed up from the laptop, doing a little spin and getting her foot caught on something, only to slip and fall on her head. Just then, Luna entered the room, looking down at her and laughing outrageously. "S-shut up, it isn't funny!" She scrambled back over to her laptop, turning off the camera.
The video stopped playing, and both the hosts and their crowd were laughing at the girl, who had her arms crossed and was blushing from the embarrassment of it all. "Look, I was just trying to jump in on some trend, you guys don't have to make fun of me for it, geez!"
"Oh, come on, March!" Haley patted her on the shoulder, a cheesy grin on her face. "We're just teasing you a little bit, is all! If we really wanted to make fun of you, we could do much worse than show everyone that video!"
"But for now-" Sebastian interrupted Haley, bringing a glare back to her face. "We've got an absolute buttload of questions for you from the show's viewers! Of course, you're our only guest this time around, so we made sure to try and get as many as we could! So, whaddya say, March? Are you ready for a bunch of questions?"
"I guess I'm ready as I'll ever be," March mumbled, fixing her posture in her seat. "I just hope that they don't get too weird or anything."
"Oh, don't you worry your little self about nothing!" Haley grabbed a card from her pocket, grinning as she read off of it. "From DaringDF1827, 'March, can I have a lock of your hair? Not in a weird way, though!'" The crowd started to laugh uproariously while March's jaw dropped.
"What!? No! And how can a question like that not be asked in a weird way, that is obviously a weird question to ask somebody!" March started looking angrier after the question got asked, and the crowd simply let out an "aw" in unison. Behind here, there was an unnamed intern with a pair of scissors, who looked defeated.
"Aw, sorry, Jim. Really thought you were gonna be able to cut some hair tonight but I guess not." Sebastian waved off the intern, who trudged off of the stage, leaving March along with her overly aggressive hosts once again. "Alright, let's move along to another question! This one comes from...well, a lot of people! 'March, who's more attractive: Luna or Damien?'"
March blushed, sinking in her chair again while the crowd cheered after Sebastian asked the question. It seemed she just couldn't catch a break with these questions. "W-well...I mean, in terms of personality, Damien is severely more attractive than Luna could ever hope to be."
"Oh, come on now, March. You and I all know that's not what they're asking!" Haley leaned in towards March with a perverted smile. "Come on, tell us which of them is hotter! Tell us, tell us!"
March looked around at the crowd as they all started shouting "tell us" over and over again. She shriveled up even more. "F-fine, Luna was just a bit hotter than him. D-don't get mad at me for saying that, she's a model, after all!"
"Right, right, no judging here, no judging at all!" Haley chuckled a bit before pulling out another card. "Well, now we've got a question for you from Phoenix Writer GPH! 'March, why did it take you so long to apologize?'"
"Oh, yes! I've so been waiting for this question!" Sebastian bounced up and down in his seat, hardly containing the mass amount of excitement he had. "I wanna know this one so bad!"
"Psh, you're not exactly the perfect person, so you better not be trying to judge her for her answer!"
"Please, I never cheated on you or anything! Besides, I'm just genuinely curious to see what she says! I mean, she's gotta have a great reason, right?" Sebastian shifted his glance back to March from Haley, leaning in with a smile. "Now, go ahead, tell us!"
"Well, you see…" March let out a sigh, this question still struck a nerve with her. "I really did want to apologize to the poor guy, but I'm not sure...I just had this issue where I would freeze up whenever I saw him. I get him not wanting to accept the apology, too...I definitely should've done it so much earlier. I can't imagine the effect I had on his self esteem, doing that and all."
"Bah, that was such a boring answer!" Sebastian slouched back in his seat, irritated with the answer she gave them. "I'm gonna pull another question, and you better give us something that's at least slightly more entertaining than that nonsense!" He pulled a card from his pants' pocket, clearing his throat before reading off of it. "This one here is from Mike Oyster! 'March, how would you feel if Damien were to get in another relationship?'"
March looked a bit taken aback by the question, she never expected to be asked anything like that. "W-well, that's honestly not something I can say I was expecting to be asked. I guess it would feel a bit...good. I want him to do whatever he can to live his best life!" There were some murmurs in the crowd after her answer, and some slight applause, though Sebastian still wasn't having it.
"Come on, March! Can't you at least try not to be a sweet little fairy for this whole interview? We gotta make this thing interesting for the viewers, and you being nice about everything isn't helping our ratings!" Sebastian pointed at March while glaring at her, though she rolled her eyes back at her.
"But let's move on to your next question, yeah?" Haley smacked the boy's hand aside, pulling out another card to read from. "This one is coming at you from Musical-Total Drama Fan! 'March, how do you feel knowing that Luna is about to be used by Amelia?'" The crowd let out a joint "oo," all of them really interested in this particular question.
March crossed her arms in her seat, an annoyed look growing on her face. "It'll be a good wake up call for her to stop being such an ass all the time, I'd say. Whatever happens to her happens, it's officially not my problem anymore." The crowd seemed to really love that answer, and they cheered loudly for the girl, including Sebastian. He jumped up on the table, cheering loudly for the girl.
"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about! See? We all get to see this cold side of March that we were all waiting for! Woop, woop!" Haley pulled Sebastian down from the table, dragging him right back to the couch. "Bah, Hales, you're such a buzzkill, you know that?"
"Look, I'm having as much fun with this as you are, but it's time for a commercial break!" Haley turned to face the crowd, a bright smile on her face. "We'll be back with more questions for March, and some for us, after the break!"
The feed cut to a dull video with a miserable looking girl on a grey couch. The room was quite dimly lit, the only real brightness coming from the girl herself. Her skin was quite fair, coming off like light in the dark room, and her eyes were a bright, sparkling blue. Her hair was a very light blue color, and really long, going down well past her shoulders, although it was a little unkempt. She was wearing a maroon colored dress that covered her arms and went all the way down to her ankles, covering almost every square inch of her body.
"Hello everybody...my name is Indigo Fleur De Lis. I know that many of you may remember from my career as an idol, though those days have long since passed." The girl looked utterly defeated about everything, the color in her face faded a bit as she recalled her previous career. "After my time on the reality show, Total Drama, I was able to flee a horrible arrangement that I was stuck in with my mother. Since then, I have opened up the Fleur De Lis Foundation for Victims of Bad Parenting. This foundation is a non-profit that has been built up solely for helping save children from horrible parents."
Indigo suddenly had a small smile crawl to her face. "We've helped a couple hundred children already, but we sincerely hope that number will grow soon. You can help with just a small donation, every penny goes into rescuing these children. I can't force you to donate, but I do hope that you'll consider it, for the betterment of these poor children. I'm Indigo Fleur De Lis, and I approve this message." The video showed the phone number and website link for the organization before stopping.
The stage could be seen again after the second advertisement was over, and Sebastian had finally put the rest of his clothes on. He was looking at himself in a handheld mirror while he brushed his hair, leaving March and Haley to stare at him as if he had been at it for hours. The martial artist nabbed the brush from the boy, causing him to gasp and reel back. "Hey, I wasn't done with that! Give it back!"
"We've got a show to get back to, dude. And you've been brushing your hair since we took the last commercial break! I'm sure you can give it a rest!" Haley groaned before tossing the brush over her shoulder and behind the couch. Sebastian grumbled to himself, leaving March feeling quite awkward once again. "But, welcome back, folks! We're still here with March, and we've got more questions for her from you guys!"
"Great, as if the last bunch of questions wasn't enough." March mumbled as Sebastian fumbled through his jacket pocket, pulling out a set of cards.
"Alright, alright, we've already done a few fun ones, but we've got more coming your way! But before we ask any questions from them, a viewer did send a supportive message for you." The boy leaned towards his guest with a smug look on his face. "Be grateful that we're sending you some positivity here. From Grape Escape, about your recent break-up. 'You know, a lot of people feel differently but I think you're leagues above Luna in every category.'"
Some of the crowd cheered while others booed, March could tell that this was still a topic a lot were fighting about. "Well, it's nice to get some appreciation in all of this, I suppose. Thanks for that!
"I agree, appreciation is always the best! You know, when someone is willing to give it to you!" Haley glared at Sebastian, who simply rolled his eyes back at her. "But let's get back to our questions here, eh? This one is from Lord Gemini. 'March, what are your plans for after the show?'"
"You know, I've been thinking that I'll still try to go to art school. Not winning last season and losing in this season so early on has kind of put a dent in my funds for schooling, but I'm sure I could get a part time job and get enough money to at least start paying for it." March seemed quite happy to answer the question. It reminded her of less dramatic and simpler times.
"Laaaaaame." Sebastian groaned loudly as he pulled up another card. "You could've said anything, like, I dunno, wrestling dinosaurs or something? Anyways, next question. From Zoryan El Muerto, 'How does it feel to go from fourth place last season to third out in this one?'"
"I mean, it's not the greatest feeling ever, I can admit that, but the circumstances which brought it about made the sting weaker. I didn't just lose for doing a bad job, I mean." The crowd mumbled, some in agreement, some in disagreement.
"Hey, at least you're not moping about that. Seeing you during your brief run on the show was quite sad, considering the bulk of your screen time was just you being upset." Haley grabbed another one of the cards from the pile that she had set down on the table. "Well, I hope you don't think we're done, cause we've got plenty more questions for you! From BadLuckAE, 'What were some of the things you used to do before you joined Total Drama?'"
"Well, I definitely drew a whole lot of things, that was my main way of passing the time." March blushed, shrinking down in her seat before glancing off to the side. "I would've loved to have gotten some scholarships for college, but I was never really the brightest girl at my school. My head was in the clouds all the time because I just kept thinking about all my art and stuff. Oh, that and spending time with my family."
The crowd let out an "aw," though Sebastian seemed to just get annoyed by that. "Alright, alright, you know, we do have a whole bunch more of these silly questions that we could be asking you...but we could do something way better!" He shoved a stack of cards over to March, who was a bit confused by the suddenness of it. "That pile has got nothing but questions for me and Haley, but more importantly me, of course. Why don't you ask us some stuff, eh?"
"Me ask you stuff? But...I'm the guest here and you guys are the hosts. Couldn't I just...well, I don't know, go off stage if you're all done with me?" March tried to set the cards down on the table, only for Sebastian to once again thrust them into her hands. Haley rolled her eyes at him, but leaned back on the couch, intrigued to see where these questions could be going. "Ugh...alright. Sebastian, this question is from Phoenix Writer GPH. 'Why are you so cool, and awesome, and cool?'"
Sebastian grinned widely, sitting up and running his hand through his hair in a cocky manner. Haley could only stare at him with disgust. "Well, the funny thing about that is that I was straight up just born this way. That's right, I'm as fly as can be, and ain't no one else on this show even close to the levels of awesome that I am!"
"Right, you're definitely cool and not a total jerk." Haley rolled her eyes as she waited for March to ask another question to one of them.
"Um...let me see here...this one is for Haley." March held up a card, but as she read it, a rather confused look came to her face. "Um...well, this is from Grape Escape. 'Why would you pass up on Seabass? The guy is literally out of your league.'"
"He most certainly is not out of my league, he's just a snotty brat is what he is! Who on Earth would think that he's got some moral or personality highground here? Have you seen the way he treats everybody?" Haley gestured over to Sebastian, who was yawning as she spoke, entirely uninterested in what she was saying. "People are like...dirt to him! He just wants to step all over everyone and get his way! That's why I passed up on him!"
"You can go on and on all night about how much you miss dating me, tutz, but we ain't getting back together anytime soon." Sebastian grinned a cheesy grin at the girl, who seemed as if she was ready to knock a few of his teeth out.
"I've got another one for Sebastian...and I'm beginning to wonder if he picked out these questions, because...well…" March looked at the card in her hands, the words on it confusing her once again. "This is from FreshmEn. 'What's your secret to looking so hot?'"
"Heheh, now that is a great question, my friend! I see you have quite the eye for good looking guys!" Sebastian kissed his own bicep while Haley was fuming over in her seat. "See, I always make sure that I use a different soap on each part of my body, you know, just to make sure I'm a whole lot of wow! I only use the finest of shampoos and conditioners on my hair, as well. That and, well, my style is just top notch. I know, I know, you guys all wish you could look like me."
"Oh, would you shove it, you narcissist?" Haley stood from her seat, ready to take the boy to pound town. She was so angry about the questions that were being asked that the veins in her forehead seemed like they were about to burst.
"H-hey, there's no need to beat him up, Haley! Um...I can find a good question for you, just give me one second here…" March started to flip through the cards, tossing a good deal of them away while she dug around for an unbiased question for the host. "Aha, I found one! This one is from a guy named Fridge...you know, that name sounds kind of familiar. Ah, anyway...'What is your favorite wrestling move?'"
"Well, I never watched much wrestling, and I never learned any of it when I was practicing the martial arts that I know, but I always just like the sight of a suplex. I mean, it's so satisfying to just see that in action, wouldn't you agree?" Haley's eyes lit up as she talked about combat, and she sat back down on the couch, having cleared up from her anger. "You know, maybe we should stop asking questions for now, considering that somebody only picked ones that were in his favor."
"To be fair, I did tell you that I didn't wanna be the one to have to pick out the questions. If you had just listened to me then and let me do whatever I wanted, well, then you would've been able to pick them and we wouldn't have these issues, would we?" Sebastian grinned at Haley, only for her to grab one of the pillows on the couch and whap it against his face. "Oh, now you wanna have a pillow fight? Be mature, Haley! We're trying to host a show here!"
"You are so intolerable sometimes, you know that?" Haley rubbed her brow, leaning back on the couch again. "Well, now that we are all done with those questions, I suppose we could probably cut to our last sponsor before we do our last segment of the show!"
"Another ad?" March was a bit confused again. "I thought that you just did an ad...why are we doing another one so soon?"
"Because I need some time to cool off after dealing with this guy." Haley gestured to Sebastian, who waved at March with that smug grin still on his face. "We'll be right back after one last ad, folks!" The crowd applauded while the camera zoomed out from the stage.
The view cut to another ad, though this one seemed a lot less...professional than the other two. There was a cave with a small minecart at the entrance, and standing next to the minecart was a towering giant of a boy. He was nearly seven feet tall, with lanky arms and legs to match his twig-like body. His skin was quite the pale white color, with every ounce of color on him contrasting it phenomenally. His eyes were a deep purple color, and his hair was jet black, being cut short on the sides with a neatly kept top that was gelled in place. He had a pointy mustache upon his upper lip, sitting below his rather pointed nose. He wore a light purple dress shirt, and he kept the top two buttons of it undone and the cuffs unbuttoned as well, a pair of sleek, black dress pants that were held up by a black belt, and a shiny pair of black shoes to complete the ensemble. He was, to say the least, quite the strange looking boy.
"Ho-ho-hello, everybody! I'm Wallace Porter and I'm here to say that the Porter Gold Mine is now accepting tourist visits! That's right, for the low price of one hundred dollars, you can take a ride through the mine on a minecart, just like how they would do back in the gold rush!" Wallace hopped into the minecart, putting a construction helmet on his head and grabbing a pickaxe from the cart, holding it tightly. It started to scoot into the mine, with the camera following after to show that the cart itself was on rails that somewhat resembled a roller coaster. "The thrills of having the cave air hit your face like wind are sure to make for an exciting experience that you won't soon forget. And remember, a ticket for the kiddos is only one hundred twenty five dollars! What a deal!"
The camera cut to show Wallace swinging the pickaxe against an ore vein, grabbing something shiny that very clearly wasn't gold and holding it up in amazement. "Ain't she a beaut? Everyone gets a few stops in the mine to swing their pickaxe at whatever they see fit. Make sure to grab as much gold as you can while you're in here!" He grinned widely at the camera as some text scrolled across the bottom of the screen, text which read, "All gold must be turned into Wallace Porter upon leaving the mine."
"Right now, we're doing a special deal if you call to order your tickets. That's right, we'll sell each ticket for a measly two hundred dollars if you give us a call before the commercial is over!" Wallace gave a huge thumbs up to the camera, matching his cheesy grin quite perfectly. "So, come on down to the Porter Gold Mine and discover treasures beyond your wildest beliefs!" He waved as the camera started to pan out, with some very poorly made jingle playing in the background. And then, the video cut out.
The feed cut back to the aftermath stage, where Haley, Sebastian, and March were all watching the screen with looks of pure confusion. Haley turned to face the crowd, scratching her chin in thought. "That was a bit...odd. That definitely wasn't what our third sponsor was supposed to be today...oh well! That guy sure was...an interesting fellow, wasn't he?" The crowd cheered at Haley's question, to which she smiled in response. "Well, we've just got one more fun thing for March to participate in before we cut the feed on the show!"
"You do? Were the questions not enough?" March groaned, rubbing her brow while the two hosts rallied up the crowd. "Fine...what is it?"
"Oh, you're gonna love this spin on a classic aftermath favorite!" Sebastian grinned, rubbing his hands together like the maniacal little devil that he was. "We've all seen a bunch of amazing 'Truth or's' in our days as the show's viewers, right? Well, we wanted to do truth or piranha pit, but we've been advised that that would be just a little too dangerous." The crowd started to boo, to which the boy nodded his head. "I know, I know, it's such a shame that we've got regulations in place to keep us from doing that."
"U-um, I don't know, I think I'm kinda glad we've got those in place. I mean, piranhas? Seriously?" March voiced her concern, only for it to be met by another mass booing. She stood from her seat, angrily pointing out at the crowd. "You guys think it would be funny, but if you were up here you would feel totally different!"
"March, it's alright, you can relax." Haley gestured back to the chair to get March seated once more, and she did so, although she still seemed quite tense. "Since we couldn't end up doing the piranhas, we're instead doing Truth or...Electric Eels!" March's eyes widened as she looked over her shoulder to see the same intern from before with a bucket of electric eels.
"Oh no, no way am I letting you guys zap me with a bunch of eels!" March jumped up from her seat, running and hiding behind the couch that Sebastian and Haley were on, but they grabbed her and tossed her right back in the chair, tossing a funky hat with a red and a green light on it. "W-what is this thing?"
"Oh, it's a fancy little device that'll let us know if you're telling the truth or if you're lying to us, of course!" Sebastian rolled his eyes at her as if it was supposed to be obvious to her. "Besides, you've got nothing to worry about here...you know, supposing you don't try to lie to us about any of your answers."
"That's right, as long as you tell us the truth, you won't have to deal with the eels!" Haley smiled as the crowd cheered. "Now, we're going to ask you three questions, just three. Our intern behind you will wait for a ding or a buzz. If it's a ding, eh, you're free from the punishment. But, if it's a buzz, you know what that means! You get the zap zap!"
"Great...I'm so glad they put you two maniacs in charge of this show." March let out a sigh, sitting up tall in her seat and crossing her arms. "Fine, I just won't lie. Hit me with your best questions!"
"Oh, I'm so glad that you're enthusiastic about this now!" Sebastian clapped his hands together loudly, the crowd soon joining in with him. "Well, March, let's get started with it then. Our first question of the night is gonna be a super easy one for you. Damien and Archie both had crushes on you at the same time back in Space Station. Did you have feelings for both of them somewhere deep down, or did you just see them both as friends until Damien asked you out?"
"Er...I don't know off the top of my head, that was so long ago now." March raised her finger to her lip as she thought hard on the question, sweat dripping from her forehead as she wanted to avoid the eel's shock. "I think I just thought of both of them as friends, but Damien asking me out wasn't unwelcome, though. They're both great in their own ways, I just wasn't initially thinking about a relationship."
Haley and Sebastian watched March's hat closely, waiting for one of the lights to go off. The green one eventually did, letting out a ding noise. The two of them groaned sadly while March let out a sigh of relief. "Alright, alright, that was an easy one." Haley cracked her knuckles and leaned forth with a determined look on her face. "Let's whip out the big guns now! Liz and Luna have been known for hating each other avidly, this can be seen from...well, anytime they are on screen together. Now that you and Luna are broken up, which one of them do you think is cuter? I'm sure your answer will anger either of them!"
The crowd let out a joint "oo" while they waited for March to give her answer. She scratched at her chin, trying to think on it hard. "I mean, I guess Liz does have her own unique charm, especially with the multi-colored eyes and what not, but at the end of the day I'm still gonna have to say Luna. I mean, she's cute, even if she is a major jerk." March grumbled and crossed her arms, the green light flashing on her hat once more with another ding.
Sebastian groaned at the second truth she spoke, though the crowd did find at least a little bit of joy from the answer. Haley opened her mouth to ask another question, but he quickly put his hand over her mouth, a huge grin on his face. "Alright, alright, time for the last question! March, don't you think it would be super hot if Luna and Liz were bikini wrestling in a mud puddle?"
"What kind of question is that!?" March threw her arms up angrily at the boy, blushing profusely. "That's so...just filthy! Why would I find that hot? No, that's not hot!" The red light lit up on the hat, being followed by a buzz, and the intern behind the girl grabbed an eel from the bucket with a pair of tweezers, touching it to her cheek and causing it to shock her. Her hair poofed up into an afro and her eyes widened as they spun around like crazy before the eel was pulled back. "I...urk...ugh…"
March flopped forward onto the table, completely out cold after the shock, and the crowd cheered wildly. Haley rolled her eyes at Sebastian, who was all too giddy that his plan with the question worked. "You know, normally, I would be pretty pissed about you doing some dumb stuff like this, but with the reactions from the crowd, how could I be mad?" Haley smiled back to the crowd, all of which was cheering even louder than before.
"I know, I know, I'm quite the genius. I'm glad you're finally realizing it, Hales." Sebastian yawned as he checked his nails. "But, as much as I would love to ride this love train out some more, I think the time that we don't like is coming up."
"That's right," Haley rolled her eyes at the boy after his last comment, trying her best to ignore it. "Unfortunately, the show has to come to a close here!" The crowd let out a loud "aw" at the announcement. "I know, it really is sad, but hey, we'll be back soon enough!"
"You bet we will!" Sebastian and Haley both stood from their seats. "Every seventh episode will be full of me, me, and, you guessed it, me! Oh, and I guess Haley, too."
"Right," Haley rolled her eyes at him again. "A very special thank you to March for being...well, our only guest so far! I'm sure she had a whole bunch of fun while she was here, didn't you March?" She looked over at the girl, seeing that she was still unconscious on the table. "See, she did great! Thank you everyone for watching, and we'll catch you next time on Total Drama: Lost City - Aftermath!"
The crowd cheered loudly as the two hosts bowed and the intern dragged March off of the stage, letting the curtain come to a close.
Author's Notes:
*The aftermaths are going to be every seven episodes, as I did have our lovely hosts mention just before the episode ended. While it was an interesting experience to have just one guest for them, I think it worked out just fine in the end. Apologies for forgetting to ask for questions in the notes of the last episode, I totally forgot!
*Oh yeah, I did upload a lot in the past few days. When I am not working, I try my best to work on the episodes. I'm getting back into the groove of it, and having fun, so I hope you guys enjoy!
*Placements: 22nd - Crustacean; 21st - Thomas; 20th - March