iv. Lucy
There are some more revelations, realizations and heartaches.
..
Once Erza is done talking to Master and explaining, details by excruciating details, how her mission has gone, she makes her way straight to the bar where Mira has a tea already prepared. She gratefully accepts it as she sits.
"I'm glad to see you back, Erza. How's your magic?" There's a hint of concern on Mira's voice when she talks to her, the gentle eye smile she displays getting a bit restrained with how obviously fretful she has become.
"Thank you, Mira, and don't worry about it. I'm fine," she says, trying to wave the concern off. She recalls the moment she has entered the guild and the few members who have been present in this early morning have welcomed her with an abundant amount of relief, expressing how worried they have become. She feels guilty even now. "I appear to have cause all of you unnecessary worry. Allow me to apologize for that."
"There's no need to apologize. We're just glad that you came back safe."
Yes, she's back, safe and unharmed. But from time of time, bouts of chills will creep up to her body and make her shiver ever so slightly. The thick sweater blouse that she has slipped on isn't really enough to keep her completely warm. And the magic that she's proud to have an immense control of currently is throwing her off balance with its lack of stability.
Yet these are only minor things that she's determined to conceal.
As she takes pleasure at the meager heat her hot tea provides, Erza notices that Mira's gaze have lingered somewhere behind her. Her eyes are full of regard and her lips are formed into a tiny smile. Intrigued, Erza allows herself to follow her gaze.
Right there in the threshold, with an expression Erza assumes is disbelief, Natsu stands.
"Natsu," she mumbles involuntarily, a flicker of pang manifesting itself in her chest.
Natsu has been in her mind the whole time she's been away. She has kept on getting plagued with thoughts of her feelings for him, how they have altered and bloomed and turned consequential in only a short amount of time. It is quite overwhelming, in actuality, for her to get so caught up in these heavy emotions that she almost wants to find oppressive. But she longs to have a full understanding of them.
And on that beach, on that lair, she's been able to grasp the graveness, the earnestness, the solemnity of her feelings for him. Consequently, the realization of the matter also entails some serious pains.
Truth to be told, she has been dreading the time when she has to meet with Natsu. She's admittedly in affright mulling over how he'll react. It is to be expected that he'll be displeased, angry even, and Erza is ready to accede to his reprimands. After all, she has hurt him.
"Erza," she hears him speak and the softness of his voice is sending an alarm on her mind. He sounds so uncharacteristically fragile that even those who are watching on the side lines are getting anxious. Eventually, he lowers his gaze, heaves a sigh, and says, "Welcome back."
Without waiting for a response, however, he takes off as quickly as he has appeared, and Erza doesn't know how to interpret it.
She stares at the empty space for a few seconds before Mira claims her attention back. "He's been really worried about you, I kind of understand why he reacted like that. The relief is probably so great for him."
It is also probably because he feels angry with her, but Mira isn't aware of that so Erza keeps it to herself. "I should talk to him and apologize."
She receives a supportive smile from Mira and chances another glance at the direction where Natsu has gone. And that's when he spots Happy.
Happy is staring at her with wide eyes, too, much like how Natsu has done, but he's quiet and very still, as if waiting for Erza to acknowledge him. Begrudgingly, she remembers the last time the two of them have conversed. It has been the very same reason why she has needed to get away, careless and premature as it may have been, and put her back on the twinging pain Happy's words have brought her.
She smiles at him sadly, regretfully, and averts her gaze away from him.
But then she hears her name being called by the crying cat.
"Erzaaa!" In a matter of seconds, Happy is clinging to her as tightly as his paws can manage while streams of tears are rolling down his cheeks. "Erza, I'm so sorry. It's my fault, I'm so sorry. I won't do it again, I'm so sorry. Erza, please don't make sad faces again. I'm really very sorry!"
His words are slightly getting muffled, and his sobs are getting uncontrollable, but Erza is still able to get the gist of what he's saying. She holds his little body in her arms and embraces him.
It is an unarguably confusing scene for the rest, all of them wondering why Happy is so desperately saying sorry, Mira even conveys her surprise with a soft gasp. But Erza leaves them to speculate on their own as she's fully aware of why Happy is suddenly like this. And to say that it has touched her heart is an understatement. She feels not only consolation but a great quantity of affection and fondness flooding her.
"Happy, calm down. It's okay." She attempts to soothe him. His tears are dampening her blouse, but she doesn't care as she lets him snuggle closer into her. "Let's go after Natsu, okay?"
"A-aye," he responds in his weak voice, then proceeds to have another round of crying.
Erza positions Happy in a comfortable hold as she stands and bids Mira goodbye, the barmaid only smiling at her in return. She walks carefully, minding the fact that Happy is still weeping in her arms, and makes her way toward Natsu and Happy's house. Hopefully, Natsu will be there.
She finds it very rare to see Happy like this, his usual cheerfulness and bright attitude being replaced by heavy tears and angst, but she acquiesces in him crying his heart out as it seems to flush all his distress away.
After a while, all she hears are tiny sniffs and puffs of breaths. She takes a gander and sees that his cheeks are tear-stained but he's not sobbing anymore. "Have you calmed down?"
Happy wipes his face with his paws and leans back to Erza's embrace afterwards. "Aye," he replies. Then, when Erza thinks he's going to be all quiet again, he speaks. "Erza?"
Erza hums inquiringly.
"You know, when I said I thought Natsu likes Lucy and I was waiting for Lucy..." He sniffs again. Erza feels a sting on her chest, but she wordlessly waits for him to continue. "I didn't mean to say I like her more than you."
"Really?" A hope lights up on her.
"Lucy is fun to be with because she is funny to tease, but sometimes she's mean to me. But Erza is kind, even though you're strict, you always take care of us and never ever forget me. And Erza is prettier than Lucy, even Lucy knows that. And Erza is also sexier than Lucy. And Erza is way stronger than Lucy, if you and Lucy have a duel, I will bet all my money to you. I like Erza a lot more, so please don't be sad anymore. I like you a lot for Natsu, too, because you make him really happy. No one can make Natsu as happy as you can make him. He liiiiiikes you a lot, too."
Erza lets out a chuckle. "Thank you for telling me, Happy. I'm glad to know that's how you feel, and I also like you a lot."
"Are you not mad at me anymore?"
"I was never mad at you. Were you worrying about that all this time?"
She feels Happy leaning his head on her collarbone before he replies, again, in a very soft manner. "Aye."
"I'm sorry. It was wrong of me to run away like that, my rash actions have brought worries for my comrades, I even made you get worked up over it. For the meantime, will you hit me?"
Happy responds with a giggle, the sound of it lightening the atmosphere around them. "I'm so glad that you're back, Erza."
With her mind pacified, she smiles. Now there's only Natsu to get peace with.
The walk to their home is originally not far, and with the time she and Happy have spent talking and clarifying things, it has gotten even shorter. There's a scant amount of nervousness bubbling in her chest from facing Natsu, but her talk with Happy has given her some courage. She'll make Natsu listen to her explanation, and then he can decide what to do after that.
With Happy, who seems to have exhausted himself with all those crying and has fallen asleep, in her arms, she nears their home and readies herself to knock. But even before she can, the door has sprung open and Natsu comes into view. He's standing in the doorway as if waiting for their arrival. Erza thinks maybe he really is.
He takes a step and Erza instantaneously stops him. "Wait. Let me put Happy to bed first."
Still without a word, Natsu lets her in, closing the door behind him in the process, and Erza can feel her pulse beat going rapid. She puts Happy into the hammock and tucks him in. Then she faces Natsu.
His face is unreadable, but his eyes are focused on her. She talks. "Natsu, I'm sorry."
In the blink of an eye, Natsu has captured her in a tight embrace.
Erza lets out a surprise whimper, not entirely sure how to react. But the heat that Natsu's body is sending her has an instant effect. It envelopes her and hushes all the chills down and lulls her into comfort. And although Natsu's arms are firm on her back, she feels tranquilized.
"You're not mad at me?" she asks and hears a growl.
"I'm mad. I'm so mad, but it doesn't compare to how relieved I am. I'm so glad you're okay, Erza."
She smiles, asks him to let go, something Natsu isn't very eager to do, and prompts them to sit at the sofa. She needs to talk and let him know what's on her mind.
"I'm sorry for leaving like that." She means to search for some anger in his eyes, or perhaps something that can hint what his emotions are, but she hasn't been able to get a proper look at him as she's getting pulled again in another fervid hug with Natsu's face closing in on her neck and his arms tightly wrapped around her shoulders.
Their position at the sofa is preventing them to diminish all the distance between them, but Natsu's hold on her is literally squeezing her upper body. She allows him to do as he pleases.
"Happy told me," he murmurs, his breath fanning the skin on her neck. "I'm sorry about it, he's sorry about it, too."
"It isn't anyone's fault. But I guess I got jealous with the thought of you and Lucy, which is why I ran away."
Natsu chuckles and it causes some goose-fleshes to form into her skin. "I never thought you would admit that so easily."
She feels a heat in her cheeks with that, then clears her throat to recover from the sudden embarrassment from her own confession. "Anyway, I just want to apologize for not telling you anything and then worrying you."
She hears a hum, feels the vibration on her skin, too. "Yeah, I was really worried."
"Do you want to know what happened?"
"Yeah, I want to know."
"You'll make me talk like this?"
"Yeah, what's the problem with this?"
She sighs. He seems serious about not letting her go, so she just wiggles a little bit on her side and makes herself comfortable. She rests her head on his shoulder and places her arms loosely on the small of his back.
"In the mission I went to, there used to be a beautiful beach with resorts and establishments that attracted many tourists. However, half a year ago, a series of gigantic tidal waves, earthquakes and submarine landslide have hit it consistently. They said that there's a guardian beneath the ocean, who used to be so kind to them, and he's stirring up calamity after calamity because he's angry at the town people for stealing something precious to him. But the people in there have never taken anything from him.
"My investigation lasted for weeks, but it isn't futile. With the help of the town people, the mystery was solved." Erza pauses. She thinks about including the fact that she's been reflecting on her feelings for him, but then opts to leave it out. "But the accident happened. Another big wave had hit the beach and according to the town people, it was the biggest so far. It swallowed the whole beach, every establishment, all the people, everything including me."
Natsu's arms on her tighten a bit more, but she's quick to soothe his worries away.
"I used my magic, all the power that I have, to save those innocent people and keep them from dying. I thought of you and how you will do anything to keep everyone safe, and it drove me to do exactly that. I managed to do it somehow, everyone was saved and out of danger, but because of my exhaustion, I didn't notice that along with my energy, my magic is getting continually depleted. And then I passed out.
"When I came to, I was in the lair of the guardian of that ocean. He kept me in there and I spent my time accompanying him and listening to his whims. Fortunately, I was able to convince him to let me send a message to our guild and in exchange, he would keep me for a bit longer."
"Why would you do that? Why would you want to stay there longer?" Natsu asks, his voice getting a bit agitated.
"Because I need to. You remember the part where people stole something precious to him?" She's given a hum. "It turned out to be just a misunderstanding. One year ago, there was a boy who spent so much of his time in the beach that he gradually became friends with the guardian. But the boy was very sick and after six months, he died from his incurable illness. The guardian was so sad, so depressed that he altered his own memories into thinking that the town people, particularly the boy's family, had stolen something from him. That was the start of the calamities.
"But in truth, the guardian has a big heart. He is generous and benevolent. The reason he has kept me in his lair is so that I can regain my energy while he gathered and collected my magic that have been scattered all over his ocean."
Natsu suddenly lets go of her and faces her, the movement so quick Erza has a hard time reacting. His eyes were blinking in shock but his face is painted with fascination. He's still grasping on her shoulders, though.
"I have an inkling that his initial reason for keeping me is because he was lonely and he wanted a friend. And then I told him about his false memories and asked him to stop terrorizing the people because they were not his enemy. This guardian and the town people should work hand in hand to keep their town in prosperity, which was what they have been doing before. With his memories back to normal, naturally, the answer was yes.
"After one week, I was able to recover my magic with his help. I had some minor setbacks but they're only temporary and in due time, it will all be back to normal."
"What kind of setbacks?" When Erza looks at him, there are creases forming in his forehead and his eyes are shining with worry.
"My magic is currently unstable, I haven't used it properly since then."
"What?! How is that okay? Did you tell jii-chan this?" Again, Natsu's voice is becoming agitated.
"Relax, Natsu. It's fine, and Master knows. Believe me when I say that it will come back to normal."
"How do you know that?"
"I just know."
"Erza!"
Erza is the one pulling Natsu into a hug this time. She doesn't want to see his face full of worry, she doesn't want to see it when she knows that the cause is her. She has already given him so much trouble, concern and pain. "There's one more thing, Natsu. I feel cold, I get chills every now and then."
Natsu exhales. "Okay, I get it." He sounds reluctant to drop the subject, as if still wanting to give her a scolding, but he snakes his arms around her once again and the warmth he's giving her is so delightful and enchanting that it is starting to feel addicting. "Just stay right here and never leave my side again, I will give you all the warm that you need."
She sighs in content. "Okay."
..
Lucy's entrance to the guild is as chirpy as ever. Erza being back and safe has put her in a good mood. She's told Lucy and the rest of Team Natsu about the current condition of her magical powers, and although she feels bad about it, she can't help but be moved by the sentiment that Erza is sharing her secret with them. She has clearly stated that the need to tell them besets to the fact that they are her closest friends.
(Little does she know, however, that her good mood will plummet and her smile will fade by the end of the day.)
She makes her way to the bar, side-eyeing the request board and reminding herself to check it later, and sees Mira holding something in her hand. Her mind seems occupied with it, too.
"Hi, Mira-san, good morning! What are you looking at?"
Mira's attention shifts to her as Lucy sits in front of her. "Oh, good morning to you, too, Lucy. It's a photo painting I asked Reedus to make." She smiles and passes the said painting for her to see.
The size is only compact but the picture in it is comprehensible. Upon inspection, Lucy sees a replica of the scene years ago in Tenroujima, back when they have gathered after the defeat of Hades. Erza is wearing a nurse outfit and in front of her, most of the guys that are present have fallen in line wanting to be healed by her.
"What do you need this for, Mira-san?" Lucy asks curiously and watches as Mira's smile changes to something akin to scheming.
"For various reasons," she says and Lucy chuckles nervously.
She examines it again, getting surprised with how Gray is actually the first in line. He's followed by Gajeel, which is also just as shocking, but what intrigues Lucy even more is the third.
"Gray and Gajeel aside, Natsu is actually so eager to get in the line," she mutters. "He usually acts so indifferent in this matter, I just assume that he doesn't have any interest but now I see that even he isn't immune to Erza's charms."
Erza in here is oozing with allure and she can discern why the guys have been enraptured by her, but somehow, the thought that Natsu is just as affected is leaving a bitter taste in her mouth.
"I think saying that he isn't immune is putting it lightly," Mira comments. Her eyes are glinting the slightest bit in the corner and Lucy pretends not to notice.
"What do you mean?"
"While it's correct that Natsu is usually uninterested and probably also dense, I discovered that he reacts differently when it comes to Erza."
Out of nowhere, Mira is presenting her another photo with a similar size and quality. Lucy sees Erza, who has been turned into a stone, lying on the floor with Natsu, Master, and Gajeel looming over her, Happy is there, too. Natsu's flaming hands are hovering above her chest and the mischievous grin he has promises trouble.
At the back of Lucy's mind, she wonders why Mira seems to be collecting these stuffs.
"Is he trying to feel her?"
Mira giggles. "No, he's only trying to revive her and rouse her from being stoned. Look at his expression though, and the heavy blush on his face."
Lucy obliges and regrets it instantly as she sees it.
"Now, when have you ever seen Natsu react like that?" Mira asks and points to the other photo. "Or like this?"
She recalls the time when Natsu has scrutinized her in a maid outfit and commented that she doesn't have enough sexiness, and the time Natsu's hands are practically on her chest yet he was nowhere near afflicted, and also those times he has seen her naked body and has shown, very blatantly, his lack of interest in it.
She also brings to mind that time when Erza has accidentally let out a girly shriek and Natsu has been as shocked as he was charmed. And when Erza has suggested they take a bath together, Natsu has reacted so flustered and shy even though it has been far from the first that he sees her naked, very contrary to how he reacts to Lucy.
Suddenly, she feels her heart getting restricted by an invisible grip.
"Does that mean he's attracted to Erza?"
Mira hums. "It's hard to notice, isn't it? Especially because Natsu seems to prefer less to non-revealing clothes than those sexy outfits that came with Erza's armors."
"Is that why he doesn't react to me at all?" She only means to mumble it to herself, but because of the unfamiliar pain in her chest, she blurts it out and unintentionally lets Mira hear.
"I wouldn't say it like that. I said that Natsu prefers less to non-revealing clothes, but it doesn't mean he will get attracted to anyone with that characteristics."
Lucy frowns. "Then that means he likes it because it's Erza, and implies that he simply likes Erza."
Even to her own ears, she sounds awfully close to tearing up and it makes her feel so miserable. Why is she affected this much? Does she really like Natsu?
She admits that she harbors feelings of affection towards him and that despite her constant annoyance with his antics, she's, in fact, very fond of him. But it has never occurred to her that her feelings may actually run so deep.
Lucy has always labeled Natsu as someone who doesn't care about the matters of the heart, or even girls in that light, which is probably why her heart is so at ease. But now that there's a theory of him liking Erza, with a couple of evidences to back it up and a keen observer to affirm it, her mind is finally acknowledging the striking probability that she may be in love with Natsu.
And that it is almost certain to be an unrequited love.
And that it hurts so so much.
"Lucy?" She hears Mira call her. She looks up at her and the face she's making is probably giving away all the pain that she's experiencing inside. "Oh Lucy, I'm sorry. I didn't realize."
She gets it. She understands what Mira is pertaining to, she's the same.
"I didn't realize it, too, Mira-san, until now."
Mira holds her hand, her expression regretful and she can't even be bothered to tell her she's fine.
Oh, she's so screwed. How is she going to face Natsu now?
..
Happy is listening to the story Charle and Wendy are narrating with intense concentration.
But, his interest is all fake.
He has caught bits and pieces of what Lucy and Mira are talking about earlier and he can't help but be sorry for Lucy.
'Lucy...' He takes another glimpse at her. She looks heartbroken. 'I'm sorry.'
..
It turns out that facing Natsu, after that heart-shattering realization, is just as agonizing as Lucy has anticipated.
She has given herself a bit of time to be alone, to think and sort out her feelings, to evaluate and contemplate and make sure that her heart isn't deceiving her. She has spent days of mulling over Natsu. And in all honesty, she doesn't really need those times. The mere mention of Natsu's name is enough to test whether she really loves him.
And just as expected, she really truthfully does.
So now that she's facing him, her heart feels like it is going to explode with all the emotions raging inside of her.
Especially because Natsu has brought Erza with him.
He says he's helping her regain full control of her magic, says he's keeping an eye on her, says he's also punishing her for worrying everyone. Erza has looked very displeased, but her guilt is severe enough to allow Natsu to fuss to over her.
Lucy doesn't exactly disfavor the thought of fussing over Erza. She, herself, wishes to show her care, too. But it still hurts to see how Natsu's focus and attention are completely on her even though they are at Lucy's apartment, even though Lucy has voluntarily called for him and told him to come, even though Lucy is just right in front of him, ready to pour her feelings out.
Yes, she has called him out and asked him to come for she has something to tell him.
She plans not to confess, but to simply tell him and let him know. And this is because she can't take it anymore. It suffocates her and she wants to let it all out. She knows that they won't be reciprocated anyway, so she may as well tell him sooner rather than later.
And maybe, just maybe, she'll feel a little bit better.
"I'm going," Erza says, preparing to leave the apartment as she gives Lucy a once over. It makes her wonder if Erza has read her thoughts and detects the uneasiness she feels at the moment.
"Eh, why? Aren't we here to hang out with Lucy?" Natsu, on the other hand, is still lying on her carpeted floor as he behaves too at home.
"No, Natsu, you're here because you and Lucy have something important to talk about. Which is why I'm leaving." She faces Lucy again and Lucy tries her best to smile at her. "Thanks for the tea, Lucy. I'll see you at the guild. Happy, let's go."
Without waiting for a reply, she walks out with Happy flying beside her. Lucy watches as Natsu's gaze follows her until there's nothing to see anymore. Then he brings his attention back to her. Finally.
"Yo, Lucy! What's that important thing you wanna say?" he asks, letting a full minute to pass before getting bored and deciding to rummage Lucy's snack box instead of waiting for her to talk.
"Hey, Natsu, do you have someone you like?"
His reaction is just as she expects, indifferent.
"What? That's the important thing?"
But just because she has expected it, it doesn't make it okay.
"Natsu, will you take me seriously for once? It's an important thing."
"Yeah right, you know I'm always serious. Oh, this looks tasty."
The air around her is getting dangerously dreadful, but Natsu still doesn't seem to notice or care. She feels like cursing, but she also feels like crying. She needs his full attention in this, she needs him to get just as serious as she is. Otherwise, she won't be satisfied.
"Natsu! Please." Her voice cracks, her head drops and her gaze lowers. But she senses Natsu finally regarding her.
"Lucy?" he seeks, his voice unsure. "Why are you even asking that, anyway?"
There's a significant pause afterwards and Lucy breathes heavily.
"I need to know."
Natsu sighs. He goes to sit across her bed, where Lucy has situated herself, crosses his legs under him, crosses his arms against his chest, and ultimately focuses on her.
"I do. I have someone I love."
She has expected this, perhaps even waiting to hear it, but the pain is still excessive. It doesn't help that the seriousness of his tone is so rare it adds impact to the words.
'And he uses love instead of mere like.'
"What kind of person are they?"
"She's strong and fierce. And she loves Fairy Tail as much as I do."
Lucy chuckles to herself. That has just confirmed it, hasn't it? It is Erza.
"I honestly didn't think you even know what love is."
"Wha- Don't take me for an idiot. Of course I know what it is!"
With that, the atmosphere, forthwithly, veers light and Lucy finds herself laughing. This is what they always do, they banter and tease each other like children and the familiarity of it is like a blanket of comfort that relaxes her.
"Seriously though..." Her voice is back to normal, her mood also lightens considerably, and she notes with a smile that Natsu brightens because of it. "I thought it's never on your mind."
"I wouldn't really say never, but probably not all the time. You see, I'm not very hungry for her attention and her constant company." He grins, unconsciously making Lucy's heart leap from her chest. "As long as she's safe and happy, I can go on with my life."
She looks at him, awed and captivated, and sees the love in his eyes, and before she can even reconsider, she exclaims, "I like you, Natsu."
Natsu's grin slowly diminishes and is replaced with a look of confusion, then just as slowly, it becomes shock. She has said it, she has told him, and what a relief that she doesn't regret it. It isn't how she has planned to tell him, but it just feels great that she has let that out of her system, as if a huge load has been lifted off of her shoulders even though this whole love situation she's currently having still pains her.
It is the first time that she falls in love, and it turns out to be her first heartbreak, too.
"Come on, don't make that face. I'm not asking you to return my feelings." She laughs, yet Natsu still looks uneasy and apologetic. It unsettles her. "I just wanted you to know so that I can move on properly. This is the important thing that I wanted to talk about."
It is Natsu's turn to casts his eyes down as his head drops in a shade. "I'm sorry, Lucy."
He's so honest, so sincere, so direct, as his face gets painted with a gentle expression that is so so different from the Natsu that Lucy knows so well. This is all so unfamiliar and unprecedented, but she soon learns that this Natsu is also a Natsu that she adores.
Despite her heartbreak, she smiles affectionately.
"Is it Erza?"
Without beating around the bush, he answers, "Yes."
"Does she know?"
"I'm pursuing her."
Well, that's a surprise. She's already well aware that she's late, but she hasn't thought that it is this late. Even before she has realized her feelings for him, Natsu has already professed his own to the other person and is already on his way to building something with her. In a flash, she starts seeing him in a different light. His position has switched into a dogeza and although it is unintentional, it appears like he's surrendering to her. But that doesn't sully his manliness at all. He's brave and he's valiant.
"Alright! I'm done, you can go now." She makes an effort to sound normal and although she knows that Natsu can sense the falseness behind her voice, she hopes he'll play along. "Go help Erza with her magic so we can go to missions soon. I still have rent to pay, you know."
For a while, Natsu doesn't move. Lucy thinks he's going to just linger in there, probably insist on staying with her, and possibly watch her cry. But then he rises, without saying anything, and swiftly but delicately pulls Lucy's head on his chest. He caresses her hair with a hand and hugs her shoulder with the other.
"I care for you a lot, Lucy. You know I will always protect you and save you from any harm and make sure that you're happy and at peace, and if you ask me, I will stay with you. You are important to me. But I'm sorry that I have only Erza in my heart." Lucy closes her eyes, the prickle of tears hurts her, but it is nothing compared to the pangs in her heart. "Thank you for telling me anyway, you're so brave and I admire you for that."
He heaves a sigh and Lucy represses a sob.
"Alright, Luce. We'll go to the mission soon and we'll make sure you have money for the rent."
He lets her go.
Lucy tries not to miss his warmth.
(She fails.)
..
Even when Natsu has hinted Erza with what he and Lucy has talked about yesterday, she honestly doesn't expect that it will be this crucial.
"I told Natsu I like him."
They are inside the guild, just a bit in the corner, a space that's not hidden but still decently private. She's sitting with Lucy and the two of them are nursing a mug of beer. Lucy's overall disposition is so obviously down and with it, Erza feels the blues.
"He told me he loves you."
Erza doesn't know what to say.
She cares for Lucy a lot, she's one of her closest friends and she enjoys spending time with her. They've been through countless ups and downs together over the years and she truly treasures her. It pains her to see this state she's in and she, without a doubt, wants to comfort her.
But does apologizing mean anything to her if it comes from Erza?
"Hey, Erza, if I..." She trails. Erza waits patiently. "If I ask you to give Natsu to me, will you?"
Erza takes a gander at her face. All she sees is sorrow.
While she knows that she has a lot of self-sacrificial bones in her, Erza is not completely unfamiliar with being selfish. And if there's one thing, just one thing, that she'll choose to be selfish with, it is in this matter. This is the first time she has experienced this, to actually desire something and fight for it until the end. She wants this, she yearns for this, and no matter what it takes, she'll make sure that she'll have it.
She can live with the guilt of hurting a friend, but she can't live with the thought of losing the person she loves.
'The person I love.'
It feels great to finally admit it.
She decides to be honest, Lucy deserves that much.
She smiles to her. "I trust that you're not the kind of person who will do that, but if there's a chance of it happening, I'm sorry, Lucy. I love you from the bottom of my heart, but I won't give Natsu to you, or to anyone else."
Lucy laughs, the sound so pleasant to her ears. "If you have said yes, I would really hate you, but as expected, you are so perfect in your own way. I wish you happiness, Erza, I really do."
Erza blushes. "Thank you, Lucy."
Lucy gives her a soft smile. It is a pretty smile and it almost looks like a happy smile.
Almost.
..
Lucy sighs for the nth time as she toys with her pen.
Why? Why can't she write anything?
What has happened to her is a great reference for a love story. Plus, it is an established fact that most authors are writing fictions based on their personal experiences. This is her chance to have an attempt for that. And yet, why can't she ever form even just a single paragraph.
Is it because her feelings are still so fresh and raw that just one mention can still bring her despair?
"Lucyyyy!"
Lucy starts when she hears that familiar voice. She takes a peek at the window and confirms that she's been visited by Happy. It is already nearing dusk but she can still clearly see the sad look on his face.
"Happy! What are you doing here? What happened?"
Suddenly, Happy is flying toward her. "Lucy, it's okay, Lucy, you can cry." His paws' grip on her is tight and secure, and he snuggles to her with warmth and comfort. Lucy gets taken aback.
"W-what do you mean I can cry? What are you talking about, Happy?"
She hears in her voice that she's stammering and she bites her lip to stop a sob.
"Erza sent me here. She asked me to stay with you, she said she will do it, herself, but you probably won't feel better. You probably don't want to see her."
Again, why?
Why is Erza so thoughtful and kindhearted?
As if that thought is the cue, Lucy's meager fortress finally crumbles and she lets the tears to roll. She holds onto Happy, who does his best to support her, and allows all of the pain to flow through. She cries and cries and cries some more until there's no more tears to cry.
"Lucy..."
She hears Happy say her name, catches the the concern and sympathy from his voice, feels the comfort that his presence has brought. He has said Erza sends him here and feels the care from that.
Before being a rival, Erza is her friend first, and she loves her as much as she is loved by her. She'll never let Lucy be alone and suffer by herself, she'll never let Lucy be lonely. Somehow, with that thought, she knows that she's going to be just fine.
..
-k-