Suffering and sorrow is addicting. An ache in one's chest is often the only reminder we can feel, and it's pain, though very intense, makes the suffering less lonely. He never knew sulking in his own loneliness could be the most comforting feeling and the best coping mechanism for a broken heart. The world was dark, and bland and dreary. Life was monochromatic, though maybe he preferred that right now to seeing the world in lively color. He liked the sadness of rainy days, relishing the melancholic feeling. Absolutely loathed sunny days, knowing they were her favorite and she was most likely smiling without him.
It was his fault, utterly and completely 100 percent his fault. Her words had cut deeper than any wound and he knew by the last words she said to him, that there was no future of her's where he would be in it.
Living had fallen into a dreary routine.
Wake up. Remember she left. Feel the ache sheltered in his ribcage. Go to work. Avoid speaking. Go home. Replay their last conversation. Go to bed with damp eyes. Sleep with dreams of her. Wake up and repeat.
He didn't care how he looked, he didn't care that he was worrying his friends or mother or even his fellow colleagues at work that had just started warming up to him. He was in agony and all because of her.
"Dance with me." She requested, standing up from the sofa with a pop so her curls bounced around her shoulders to match her excitement.
"I don't know this song." He smartly responded with a grin which earned him a roll of her eyes. Putting his book aside, she reached for his hands and pulled him to his feet.
"It's a love song Draco, just sway with me and keep me close." She said, nuzzling her messy curls right under his chin. She intertwined their hands, holding them against their chests then moved her free hand around his back. Draco took his and draped it behind her shoulders, fingers moving in circles to massage her clothed skin. He faintly smiled, kissing the top of her head and listening to her hum the melody.
"I can do that." He whispered. Her head tilted up, brown eyes glittering with adoration. His eyes moved downwards and he bent his neck to capture the purest taste of her lips.
"Mate!" Theo shouted at him while nudging him square in the ribs.
"Ow, fuck." He groaned then glared at Theo. "What?" He snapped.
Theo looked at him incredulously, glancing up at the people standing at the end of their table. He then flashed his eyes back to Draco, shooting his own sneer.
"Move the fuck over so Daphne and Astoria can sit." Theo barked and Draco finally looked at the new guests at their table.
He grumpily scooted his chair over as Blaise and Pansy brought over two more chairs for them. His glass of fire whiskey almost finished, even though he bought his second glass just thirty minutes ago. Putting it back, the burn considerably helped him manage this forced social outing organized by Theo.
Draco would have happily drank at home, alone and in his bed as he listened to the songs that reminded him of her. Not happily, but it would have been preferred. There was no desire to sit and pretend to be better in front of his friends.
"How have you been Draco?" Astoria asked, breaking his concentration of the lyrics he'd replay through his head almost every day. He barely glanced beside him, but still saw her eager interest.
"Fine. Busy. I'm getting another, anyone need anything?" He stood, taking orders then disappearing to the bar.
It was an abnormally slow night, his friends being the biggest group in the pub. Service wasn't slow, and only he and three others ordered more drinks, so he didn't understand why Astoria popped beside him offering her assistance.
"Need some help?"
Draco didn't regard her as he pulled out money.
"Not exactly." He replied, waiting for the barmaid to fill the order.
Astoria's face pinched as she looked at him. They weren't exactly close, but close enough to expect not to be treated so coldly. Undeterred, she looked around, trying to find something safe to engage him in.
"Is the food good here? I've never had it." She questioned him, just as the barmaid returned with the table's drinks. Draco levitated them in the air, holding his own then turned away from her.
"Don't know, ask the barmaid." He suggested then left her standing alone.
Theo frowned as Draco put down the drinks.
"Where's Astoria?"
Draco sighed as he sat back in his chair.
"Bar." He gruffly responded, missing the way Theo rolled his eyes because he caught someone walking in the corner of his eyes. His head whipped to the window, eyes widening when he saw a dark haired woman with loose curls in red robes walk past their window. His stomach fell when he realized it wasn't her.
"You are so annoying!" He laughed.
"Am not!" She defended with a pitched voice, meeting his stare in the mirror.
"Yes you are! You are the epitome of an annoying little Gryffindor." He said with a smile as he kissed her neck. She slapped his arm and turned in his hold. She gave him her sad eyed look, one that could get him to do anything for her.
"Do you not like what I'm wearing?" She pouted, her arms circling around his neck. He smiled then bent to kiss her nose.
"You look ravishing." He whispered, eyes stuck on her wide brown ones so she knew he was being honest. "But you've been wearing red a lot recently and even if you are a former Gryffindor, you don't need to remind everyone else of your horrible past."
Hermione snorted and rolled her eyes again, focusing on his tie. She was a bit sad that they would be out in public, unable to act like they were together but supposed it was still too early to tell anyone. Forcing the thought out of her mind, she looked up at him with a gentle smile.
"Red is my favorite color." She explained and he looked at her like it was obvious. "Even if I wasn't a Gryffindor it would still be my favorite color. But, I don't know. I suppose I like to wear the color when I'm happy. And I've been very happy lately."
She finished her words with a nervous smile. Like he would reject her feelings even if they had been secretly seeing each other for the last two months.
Draco grew a goofy and boyish smile, slightly shaking his head before leaning down and kissing her. His hands went down her back, roughly palming her arse before she pulled away and chastised him.
"Draco!" She said giggling, turning around to grab a wipe and take off the smudged lipstick on his lips.
"What? You can't say something incredibly adorable then expect me to not kiss you with everything in me." He responded, watching her as she focused on removing the makeup. She held his chin and rubbed while smirking.
The towel was disposed of and Hermione turned around to reapply her lipstick. Draco stood behind her, holding onto her waist while he looked in the mirror with her.
"You make me so happy." He said, rubbing his nose along the skin where she applied perfume. Smiling, Hermione placed her makeup on the counter and leaned back into his hold, eyes softly shutting as he embraced her.
"Draco love," His mother said one morning, noticing the very deep purple circles under his eyes. He made no move to acknowledge her and continued to poke at his fruit, brain still replaying the dream over in his head. Heartbroken and hungover may be the worst combination. "Would you like to join me this weekend in Italy? I'm having dinner with old friends."
"No Mother." He monotonously replied. Near automatic as she should have known better to ask a question like that. Narcissa pursed her lips and quietly tutted.
"What are your plans this weekend then, dear?"
Draco barely shook his head and blinked, staring at the plate of food half eaten.
"Don't know. Work a bit." He dryly responded.
"I think you should come with me. Take a break from work, get out by the ocean. It'll be good for you." She pushed, sounding as cautious as possible.
"No thank you Mother." He said politely, then stood. "I'm late for work, I'll see you tonight."
"Draco." She called and stood from her chair when he paused in the archway. She fiddled with her hands, taking a stab in the dark. "You can talk to me, you know, about your break up. I won't judge and…I just want to see you smile again."
His posture stiffened, Narcissa saw his hands tremble as he balled them into fists. It wasn't something he was expecting her to say, especially because she never let on that she knew he was formerly seeing someone. The ache was stronger than it had been in a week, and largely due to the fact that his mother was the first to directly acknowledge what was going on and express her concern. A lump grew in his throat and he hoarsely called back to her.
"Have a good day mother."
Draco kept his head down at the Ministry, not wanting to catch someone's eye or accidentally run into her. He couldn't stomach seeing her, not yet. But as fate would have it, when he entered the lifts with his gaze on the pairs of feet shuffling around, he heard the familiar tone of her call to hold the doors.
His face flushed with warmth and he lifted his head to see her jogging to the cramped area that had room for just one more person. Her hair was lazily thrown into a low pony, some curls falling loose to frame her tired looking face. Dark circles also plagued her eyes and Draco selfishly felt better knowing she looked as bad as he felt.
Their eyes caught for a moment, not longer than a second, but just enough time to see her flinch at him and quickly face the front of the lift. He stared at the back of her head as they traveled through different floors. Her stop was next and before Draco understood what he was doing, he followed her off the lift, trailing behind her as quietly as he could.
There was no plan, nothing to say came to mind. Only driven by pure instinct and the painful desire to hear her speak and look at him carried his legs forward. People were staring, since he worked in an entirely different department that never required him to be involved with the Deputy Director of Magical Law Enforcement, it was probably a very abnormal sight.
She rounded the corner saying 'good morning' to her scheduler who greeted her with a smile then watched as Malfoy rounded the corner. The scheduler greeted him with a confused expression, and Hermione stopped halfway through the door.
Draco stared at her, wishing to convey his desperation with a single look. She didn't budge, in fact, it seemed to make her look positively furious.
"Sir," her scheduler cleared her throat. "Do you have a meeting with Ms. Granger? Or are you looking to schedule one?"
Draco opened his mouth but her voice cut him off.
"No Lottie." She said to her scheduler then turned to send him a cold and biting stare. "Mr. Malfoy doesn't need anything. He's just lost."
She slipped into her office without another word, shutting the door a little too loudly for the morning. Malfoy felt his throat swell, and he embarrassingly walked back to the lifts, the finality in her tone ringing in his ears until the end of the day.
"Merlin's balls. Come on!" He shouted, slamming his fist onto the glass, longingly looking at the bag of cheesy crisps secured in the metal coil. Pressing the buttons again, he waited for something, any type of movement to show his snack was coming.
Wait until he tells Theo the machine doesn't work. Or maybe Theo was fucking with him, wanting to see him go absolutely ballistic over the new muggle machine they put in the basement of the Ministry that he couldn't figure out. Composing himself, knowing this is exactly what Theo wanted, he pushed the numbers on the pad one more time, waited, then yelled when nothing happened.
"Fuck! Fuck you, fucking dickhead!" He yelled and kicked the machine. A laugh from beside him made him compose himself quickly, cheeks stinging with pink that someone caught his freak out. To make matters worse, it was Granger, wearing an abhorrently maroon colored button up.
Huffing at her laughter, he angrily began turning away to leave but she stopped him.
"Do you need help? Is something stuck?" She asked, walking over to the machine and assessing it's contents.
"It's broken." He gruffly said. "I tried about thirty times and it's not giving me my cheesy crisps."
Hermione almost laughed again at the childish pout but saw there was nothing stuck.
"It didn't give you your money back?" She questioned while looking at him. His eyebrows creased and he folded his arms, remaining silent. He had no idea what she was talking about and he refused to be showed up by her. Muggle machine or not, he should have been able to figure out Theo's contraption on his own.
Raising a brow at him, Hermione fought off her smirk as she approached the machine and fed it it's required money. Draco observed her actions, watching that after she gave it money, the machine roared to life and she punched in the numbers for a chocolate bar. He was shocked to see the candy uncoil from the bars then fall to the base.
"Vending machines require money. It seems whoever put this one in the Ministry modified it to accept magical money." She explained, adding more sickles and then typing in more numbers. They watched silently as his bag of crisps finally fell out of place.
Hermione pushed down the hatch, bending to collect their food. She handed him the bag with a soft smile, Draco took it without a word.
"I need to write whoever installed this a thank you note. I always need some afternoon chocolate for a pick me up." She said, ripping the wrapper open and biting into the bar. She turned on her heel, leaving him alone. "See you later Malfoy!"
He stared at the numbers on the pad, quickly pressing the code and watching as the chocolate bar descended into the platform. He quickly grabbed it, tore the wrapper off and chewed on the dessert.
Pansy had visited Draco for lunch. It was surprising and he immediately knew she was not there for business or pleasure.
"What do you want?" He asked instead of greeting her.
"I wanted to see how you were doing. Merlin, why so paranoid?" She said, sitting down at his office and perusing the financial reports for the auror and maintenance department. He snatched them away, and gave her a look.
"Because I know you. What do you want?" He questioned, sighing heavily and checking the time. Granger would be walking down to the vending machine now, it was usually between two and three in the afternoon that she would need a sugar rush to get through her painfully long days.
Pansy observed her friend's apathetic attitude, debating if she should call him out and pester him until he explained what was going on, or just give him space. He did appear somewhat better. His cheeks were less defined which told her he was eating again, his eyes looked more lively, albeit with anger, but anything was better than the plaguing sadness.
"Let's get dinner this week. Friday at seven? At Premiere Chaise?"
Draco scowled with squinted eyes.
"Awfully fancy Pans." He noted and she shrugged.
"I haven't been since I got home from New York and I'm dying to have their lamb shank." She said casually and Draco opened his mouth to protest. "Please?" She begged. "We haven't hung out just the two of us in awhile and I want to see how you're doing."
Her words seemed honest and if there was anyone he wanted to confide in about Granger it was Pansy. Having been friends for so long and being there for each other when the world was falling apart, he was certain she'd know what to do.
"Yeah. That's fine."
Draco arrived at the restaurant when Pansy said to, giving the maintrendee her name since she made the reservations and was escorted to their table. He was shocked to find Astoria sitting alone, one chair empty across from her that he assumed was supposed to be his. Deeply frowning and feeling the anger rise in him, he did his best to politely look at the witch.
"Draco? What are you doing here?" She questioned and he almost rolled his eyes. She had to be in on this.
"I was supposed to have dinner with Pansy." He replied and she blinked in surprise.
"Oh. I didn't know you were joining us." She said with true sincerity. Draco sighed, smoothing one eyebrow down with his index finger.
"I'm not but I understand now that she set us up for a blind date." He explained and watched Astoria blush with embarrassment and possibly sadness.
"Ah." She looked towards the waiter that led Draco over. "I'll take the cheque for my wine please."
Draco closed his eyes for a full two seconds before stopping the waiter.
"No, that's not necessary. Can we have our menus please? And I'll have a glass of pinot noir, thank you." Draco requested as he took the seat across from Astoria. She looked surprised, then a soft smile grew as he gave her an awkward half smile.
He could get through one night, especially so Astoria wouldn't look like a wounded puppy. She was good enough company, extremely pretty, kind, and kept good conversation. Draco didn't realize the evening had helped keep his mind occupied, that is until Astoria and him walked out of the restaurant and she made a comment on the night.
"I had a lovely time. I hope to see you again soon, Draco." She said hopefully, bright eyes looking up at him.
It could have been the fact that her green eyes looked brown for a second or maybe the fact that he found himself lighter due to the wine, but Draco reluctantly said, "Sure. Why not?"
Nervously knocking on the door, Draco checked over his shoulder once and glanced down at the white and purple corcus flowers, wondering why he didn't just go for the classic roses. But he thought she'd appreciate something outside of the cliche and prayed he was right. It was a first date after all, he wanted to show her this was different, that he was different.
The door swung open, revealing Granger in a dark red dress that hugged all her curves. It looked like a long turtleneck morphed into a dress. Whatever the style, he thought it was the most attractive thing he'd seen on a witch.
"Hi." She said, pulling on her coat, tugging her curls free from the material.
"Hi." He weakly replied, eyes still looking at her in awe. A blush formed on both their cheeks, almost matching the color of her dress as he extended the flowers to her. Accepting them with a shy smile, she lifted the arrangement to her nose and took a deep inhale. He paid closer attention to her reaction than he did at work.
"These are so beautiful Draco, thank you." She said and an enormous weight vanished from his chest. "Can I go run these in some water quickly before we go?"
"Of course, go ahead."
She smiled, turning to go back inside but sharply turned to him.
"Oh, you can come in."
Taking a small step forward, he entered her home as she quickly disappeared. Taking in some photos of her on the hallway wall, he saw a collage of assorted pictures of her and her parents from when she was two to eleven. He couldn't believe he used to make fun of her, she was an incredibly cute child with chubby cheeks and a thousand curls. He smiled at one in particular, must've been on halloween and she went as a ladybug.
"Draco?" She called.
"I'm here." He called back, hearing her shoes tap against the ground. He turned just as she reappeared, smiling at the woman before him.
"Alright?" She asked as they walked out of her house, her own nerves showing as she bit the corner of her lip. He wondered if she'd let him kiss her.
"Yeah." He held out his hand, wordlessly explaining he'd apparate them. When she accepted it and laced their fingers together with a grin he couldn't help but pull her closer and cup her jaw with his shaky hand. The small grin she wore was enough to propel him forward and bring their lips together for the first time. It was short, sweet and everything a first kiss with Hermione Granger would feel like. Pulling away with a cheesy smile, he delicately held her face to peer into her eyes. "Everything's perfect."
He angrily floo'd to Pansy's the next day, unannounced. She was lounging on her sofa, glass of wine in hand and a magazine in her lap. She didn't even look surprised to see him, she just smirked.
"You set me up." He accused.
"And?" She snorted while ignoring his irritation.
"Why the fuck would you do that? I don't want to date Astoria." He spat and Pansy sighed while rolling her eyes.
"Draco you've been sulking and needed a night to remind yourself there are other witches eager to love you. Astoria is sweet and you two get along great. Was last night truly horrible?" Pansy said, turning her feet onto the ground and throwing her magazine off to the side.
"Well…no." He paused.
"Then go on another date, and actually allow yourself to have fun. There's no crime in that." She said flippantly and Draco frowned.
"I don't want to." He childishly said.
"You're never going to know you're ready to date again until you put yourself out there. I think you and Astoria could be really good together.
Draco scowled at his best friend. It was impossible to disclose his former relationship with Pansy when she would so obviously be biased towards him moving on. The words lingered in his head though. Astoria was decent company, but she just wasn't her. He didn't think he could date someone while still thinking of his ex, but then again, he could just need one more date.
He nervously assessed her face for any negative reactions. He was laying his pride on the line and giving her the ability to crush his spirits totally. It made his stomach turn.
"So…" He said slowly, watching her look at the cookie and chew slowly. "What do you think?"
Hermione took another bite, looking at the cookie like it was a foreign object. She didn't spit it out, so that was a positive.
"They're…good." She said in a tone that made him feel like she was lying.
"You hate them." He deadpanned and she chuckled, bits of cookie crumbs on her lips. Brining her hand to cover her mouth and chew, her eyes showed she was at least smiling.
"No I don't! They're edible, soft and chewy just the way I like but…" She said, finishing her swallow.
He was prepared for her words, ready to be a failure and sulk for the rest of the night while setting a fire to the cookies he tried to bake on his own for her.
"But…" He continued.
"But they're not really…sweet? I mean they are but not sweet enough? I don't know, maybe it's me and my incessant sweet tooth." She said while taking another bite. Draco gave her a weird look then picked up his own cookie. She was right. It was soft, warm, tasted like a cookie but just wasn't sweet enough. What the bloody hell?
"Hmph." He said while chewing.
"It's still good! And you literally exceeded expectations. I thought you were going to burn them." She replied while kissing his cheek and grabbing one more.
"Hey." Draco jokingly pouted.
As they sat in silence appreciating the craft of his baking, Draco paused, eyes widening when he finally remembered.
"Oh gods." He said.
"What? What is it?" She asked, wiping the crumbs from her mouth.
"I didn't put any sugar in the cookies. Just brown sugar." He explained, staring at the cookie like it betrayed him.
Hermione looked at his concerned face, rolling her lips into her mouth to hide her chuckle but as soon as his eyes flashed to hers, she lost it. A loud booming laugh escaped her lips as watched his eyes go irritated to amused. He soon joined in laughing with her.
"Draco! That's one of the first ingredients!" She said with a calming giggle.
"I know, I know. I don't know why I—" He searched his brain for the cause of his mistake then slowly looked at her.
"It was you!" He accused.
"Me? What in Godric's Hollow—"
"You came into the kitchen wearing my briefs and my quidditch jersey! You distracted me from making perfect cookies." He explained, grasping the shirt and waving it up and down. Hermione slapped his hand away and grabbed a third cookie from beside him, placing it in his mouth and forcing him to take a bite. He smirked while holding her eye contact.
"Well, the next time you make cookies I'll be sure to wear my ugliest clothes so you pay me no attention and can't fault me for your mistake." She said and Draco beamed while leaning down to kiss her with both their mouths full of cookies.
"Apology accepted." He said, enjoying her laughter.
"—so decadent and rich. Our house elves don't even make a dessert like this. Do you think I could ask the chef for the recipe?" Astoria questioned, bringing him out of his daydream.
"Recipe for what?" He asked, but instead of being annoyed, she just grinned.
"This delicious cookie concoction. You're in la la land, aren't you?" She asked and Draco tightly smiled.
"Yeah, sorry." He said then watched her eat the gooey cookie and ice cream off her plate. He looked at his plate and didn't think he could stomach it down. He promised himself this would be the last time he thought of Hermione.
Astoria was an eager lover, looking to please, wanting the most out of him. She always kissed him quickly and hard, trying to show him she was ready whenever he was. He couldn't help but be aroused. Astoria was beautiful and knew exactly how to get him going.
When he peeled off her clothes and found her black lacy undergarments, his mind unwillingly thought she didn't compare.
"I—oh—more please." Hermione quietly pleased as he sucked on her neck. Meeting her demand, Draco lifted her shirt as her hands worked to remove his own. His eyes rounded like the moon at the sight of her breast clad in a see through lace bra. His throat went dry.
"Fuck." He groaned. "I love this color on you." He mumbled as his lips and teeth attached to the swell of her breast.
"I thought you didn't like the color red." She said through breathy pants, unbuttoning her jeans and pushing them down her hips.
Draco laughed then found her mouth, using his tongue to elicit her sweet sounding moans.
"I only like it on you." He admitted, which was entirely true. She responded by fisting his erection under his briefs. Draco's head fell to her shoulder as he watched her smaller hand work him. A breathy whimper escaped his mouth. "Baby, please."
Hermione sighed then quickly let go of him to step out of her jeans, revealing her red thong to match. Stepping away with a mischievous smile, she back tracked into his room.
"Show me how much you love this color on me then." She requested, pulling his hand to bring him with her. Draco felt a dark and conniving smile come over his features as she shamelessly looked at his now free erection. She licked her lips then turned to sprint into the other room, Draco hot on her trails.
"Yes, oh gods Draco!" Astoria's whine focused his mind.
His mind was still elsewhere, and the color of red paired with dark chocolate hair brought him to his climax.
Stepping out from the fireplace, Draco dusted off his coat and waited for Astroia's house elf to pop up. Instead, she walked into the receiving room smiling up at him, ready to kiss his cheek but Draco stepped back, appalled.
"What are you wearing?"
Her dress was a deep, dark red, mimicking the color of an apple. Astoria worriedly looked down at her conservative dress, face scrunching with insecurity.
"What's wrong with it?" She questioned, flatting down the sides that hugged her waist.
Draco tried to soften his gaze, but the color was so reminiscent of her, it physically pained him to see another witch wear it. The color was solely hers, she looked the best in it. Anyone else who wore it made it look offensive.
"Nothing I just—" he paused, looking down at the dress then back up to Astoria's concerned face. "You look stunning. I-I've—never been a fan of the color red." He admitted, trying to hide his emotions with a hand smirk that felt like a grimace.
"Gryffindor red too much for you?" She joked and took a step back, twirling her wand to change the color of the dress to solid black. Draco watched, forcing himself to huff a laugh at the joke, but his stomach lurched regardless.
"You have no idea." He mumbled, then escorted them through the floo and into the Parkinson Manor.
The party was in full swing, Pansy always going over the top for a networking event. They were greeted by friends, Astoria never letting go of his arm. The gesture annoyed him and his friends couldn't help but make the situation worse.
"So are you two a thing now?" Blaise asked with a knowing brow. Astoria blushed and tightened her grip on his arm.
"Suppose so. It's been, what, five dates, Draco?" She asked and he silently nodded.
"Well you both look great. Happy for you mate." Theo clapped his hand on his back, Draco half arse smiled.
"Don't you think it's time?" She questioned with a sad expression, pulling on her work trousers.
"No I don't. We haven't been with each other long enough." He argued while running a frustrated hand through his hair. His eyes snapped up to hers while she gave out a dark and sarcastic laugh.
"Are you barking? Draco, our first date was almost three months ago." She stated and Draco's mouth parted. Had it really been so long ago? It felt like It was maybe two weeks ago. Time had moved so fast. Shaking his head and buttoning the remaining of his shirt he turned away from her to grab his tie.
"My friends know." She said and he froze. His shoulders tensed and he viciously turned to her.
"What?"
Rolling her eyes at his attitude she crossed her arms.
"They don't know it's you per se but they know I'm seeing someone."
Fixing his tie while keeping his cold gaze on her, he explained for what felt like the twentieth time his point of view.
"I can't just have you flat out meet my friends or family. I have to know this is worthwhile and will last. I'm not going to bring it up to anyone just because you already told your friends. That was poor planning on your part." He sat down on the bed, placing his shoes on. "Furthermore I don't care to be bothered about this moot point. I'm not ready and it's too early. Why can't it just be left at that?"
Hermione slowly got up from her bed, shuffling her through her closest to decide what she wanted to wear today. She had to put her back to him, she didn't want him to see the tears in her eyes and have him claim she was overreacting.
"I'll see you tonight for dinner, but I have to go now." He said, kissing the back of her head then promptly left her house for work.
Draco saw her in the lifts later in the afternoon. She wore a navy blue blouse that was almost black and ignored his stare. Ten minutes later, he received a memo stating that she was having dinner at Harry's and their dinner would have to be rescheduled.
Draco saw her in Diagon Alley. His heart stopped, feet unresponsive as he took in the longer looking curls around her face. She was smiling, gods when was the last time he saw her smiling? But it was whom she was smiling at that caused him to feel faint.
There she was, giggling with a man he didn't recognize who appeared to look at her like he was in love. She made it easy to fall in love with her, he couldn't blame the man.
Immediately he felt rage then was taken over by a weight of sadness.
It was the fact she was wearing a red winter jacket, her favorite to wear especially during the Christmas season. She suddenly laughed as she and the mystery man stopped at a cart to buy hot chocolate. Draco could feel his chest cave in and the air leave his lungs.
"Draco love?" Astoria called a few paces in front of him. "We have to hurry and pick up Daphne's present before tea with your mother."
Swallowing the knot in his throat, he wordlessly returned to Astoria's side.
"You don't feel the same way as I do!" She cried.
"Of course I do—" He barked back.
"No, because if you did you'd already know that this relationship is going to last. You'd feel it in your bones that there's no one else that compares and that this is something special. But you don't!"
"Hermione, don't put words into my mouth." He warned.
"I want someone to openly love me and be proud that they're with me. I want to meet your friends and be reintroduced to your family. How could you still be so embarrassed of me?" She sobbed.
"I'm not. Why can't you understand it's going to be hard. For fuck's sake, we've only been dating for five months." He threw his hands up, chucking his book off to the side and getting up to leave. She followed his steps, absolutely yelling at him through her tears.
"Only? Only!? Draco I love you! Why isn't that enough for you to see I'm here for as long as you want me?"
"You don't get it Hermione! Our relationship is difficult and when I think about having to tell people and how much shit it'll cause, it makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want to have to deal with all that." He angrily yelled, hand reaching for the floo powder.
"It just sounds like this isn't worth it to you." She calmly replied. Draco blinked, the bitterness in her words made him defensive but his stomach churned.
"That's not what I said." He spat, but she slowly shook her head once before bravely meeting his eyes.
"You didn't have to."
"So have you told her you loved her yet?" Pansy snooped, and Blaise and Theo all patiently waited for his answer. He sneered at all of them.
"It's only been three or four months." He grunted, taking a sip of his drink. The whole table scoffed at his noncommittal answer.
"Merlin, your walls are thicker than your head." Theo laughed.
"Fuck off." Draco said.
"I don't know how you haven't. Astoria absolutely adores you and I know how much your mother and father approve." Pansy said with a shrug.
"I knew I loved Luna two months after we started dating." Blaise mentioned, and everyone at the table groaned. The wizard could not shut up about his relationship. He was head over heels and Draco loathed him for it out of pure jealousy. "What? I did. I get it when people say 'if you know you just know.'"
Draco stared at his hands, listening to his friends go back and forth.
"You told me you didn't say you loved her until last month." Pansy said.
"Yeah, but I wanted to say it long ago. It almost rolled off my tongue plenty times but I handled myself." Blaise explained proudly while flagging down their waiter for another drink. "It's hard though, restraining yourself from telling someone you love them. You can look at them doing nothing and just feel an overwhelming sense of joy that you're the one that gets to love them and they love you back."
Draco flinched at the words, Theo noticed.
"Mate? Is that how you feel about Astoria?"
Inhaling a breath, he tried his hardest to believe his next words, but he knew they were meaningless.
"Not yet, but I know I'll feel like that soon."
Carefully and gently moving a curl back off her forehead, Draco leaned down to kiss the warm flesh. He smiled at her sleeping face, always so peaceful and relaxed. Her leg was thrown over his middle, her head on his chest and curls luckily pulled into a pony so he could twirl them between his fingers while he tried to focus on his own sleep.
"Tomorrow morning, after you make your cup of coffee, eat your toast with that disgusting marmalade jam and get ready for work, I'm going to grab you, kiss you deeply and tell you that I love you." He whispered lowly, smiling in the dark room as he told it his secret.
"I'll tell you that I love you and say it like I've said it a thousand times already, because I've thought about it a thousand times." He grinned, almost laughing at himself. Bending his neck, he kissed the top of her head and rested his cheek on her. "I love you, Hermione."
She shifted, tightening her hold against him. Draco thought she was shifting in her sleep, so he was quite surprised when she lifted up from his chest and kissed him deeply. He felt her smile, mesmerized by the feeling of it against his lips. When she pulled away, he could still feel it.
"I love you too, Draco. I can't wait to hear it again in the morning." She cheekily said in her sleepy voice. Draco's heart flew, soaring high above the clouds and most likely the stars. He couldn't stop grinning and wasn't able to sleep for the next hour because he was so happy.
"Good morning handsome. Are you all set to go? Daphne doesn't want us to be late." Astoria asked excitedly, walking over to kiss him, but he stepped back, holding her at arm's length.
"What are you doing?" He asked, agitated already. How many times did he have to say it?
"Greeting you?" She replied with a tilt of her head.
"You're wearing red." He stated.
Astoria looked down, her blazer and plaid skirt was very 'in' right now and she thought she looked pretty.
"It's more Burgundy in my opinion. Does it matter?" She asked, smiling a bit, trying to understand his reason for such a disgusted reaction.
"I told you I don't like the color." He deadpanned and she couldn't believe it was that serious of an issue. She stepped away, crossing her arms over her chest and blinking rapidly.
"I didn't think your disdain for the color went as far as to disallow me to wear it. Is it truly that bothersome to you?" Astoria laughed, but he didn't. Draco automatically responded.
"Yes. Don't wear it." He whipped out his wand, casting a spell to change the color to a gray. Astoria stared in disbelief, finding his behavior entirely childish.
"Well I like the way the color looks on me and was hoping you'd at least throw me a compliment." Astoria twirled her wand, changing her outfit back into it's original Burgundy.
Draco's eye twitched and he turned it back into gray.
"You look fine, but the color isn't flattering on you." Draco much preferred her in grays, or black, or any neutral, boring color. Anything but red.
Astoria gasped briefly. If he didn't like a color or had suggestions for outfits, she could handle that, but she was not going to tolerate his unsolicited and unprecedented rudeness. She turned the color back into Burgundy.
"No, I think it suits me quite well actually, thank you. I believe the problem at hand seems to be your eyes, or your attitude, or maybe both." She bit back.
"Wear the gray, why is that so hard for you to do?" Draco was throwing a fit, but after the morning he had, he never wanted to see the color again.
"I'm not changing the color of my outfit because you have some weird issue with the color red. You're going to have to deal with it, now let's go." She said, ending the discussion with a chipped tone.
He watched her walk to the fireplace, her straight and long blonde hair perfectly placed over her shoulders. Her high pitched voice that made him flinch when she laughed, her kindness was always present and she seemed to live to make him like her. She wasn't deep and didn't know how to converse with him about emotional issues, which maybe wasn't the worst thing, but it wasn't for him.
He needed someone to challenge him, someone that made him question his own beliefs and help make them stronger in the same breath. He wanted to smile and tell his witch he loved her like he would never see her again. He wanted to come home and fight with her until they both ended up laughing because of something ridiculous. He wanted red dresses, curly hair and coffee colored eyes. He wanted Hermione.
Draco shook his head and took a few staggering steps back. The weight of what his actual issue hit him so hard in the stomach that he had to place a hand to steady himself.
"I—I can't go." He said, looking at her regretfully. Astoria gaped, thinking the man before her had something wrong going on in his brain to make him act so foolishly.
"It's a color Draco, get over it—"
"No. It's—it's not just that." He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face. "I can't do this with you anymore."
Three heartbeats passed before Astoria spoke.
"What…what do you mean Draco?" She questioned softly. He shook his head, eyes at the ground.
"I can't do this anymore. I—I thought I was ready to be in a relationship and I thought I could be happy enough with you, but I'm just…not."
Draco looked up, finding her green eyes magnified with tears. His heart clenched but he did not move to console her.
"I don't understand what I did wrong." She sniffled.
"You didn't do anything. It's," His voice shook, hands clenched shut. "It's her. I can't forget her."
"I'm tired of having this conversation." Draco growled, leaving her bedroom.
"We never get to actually have this conversation. You always leave." Hermione shouted following after him, but he stopped and turned around to seethe at her.
"Because there's no point. You don't get it. You never. Fucking. Get it."
Her eyes hardened and he turned away as she opened her mouth. He couldn't take it anymore. She was relentless with her nagging to tell their loved ones about them. It never ended. Every day it was a comment about wanting him to come to the Burrow or asking if she could accompany him and his friends the next time they went to the pub. She couldn't take a bloody fucking hint.
"I have begged and begged for you to make the next move to solidify our relationship. But you don't want to."
"That's not—"
"Yes! Yes it is!" She shrieked, her face pink with anger. "It's what couples do, Draco, they meet their friends and family, typically before they've been dating for six months, typically before they say I love you to one another."
Draco scoffed at her self proclaimed knowledge and it further ignited her fury.
"Just say you don't care about the future of our relationship so I can move on!" She screamed and he turned around seeing white.
"Stop saying that! Throwing our fucking relationship in my face! If you're so unhappy with me then leave, Hermione, no one's stopping you!"
"Is that what you want?" She pushed and he threw his hands up.
"I can't take being with someone who constantly pushes me to do something I don't want to do!"
"Something necessary to progress our—"
"Fucking hell! Do you even realize what I could possibly lose if we come out with our relationship? My family wouldn't speak to me, I'd lose every galleon to my name and have nothing to pass on to my child. My friends would probably put me in the mental hospital. Just for one second think how much this weighs on me!" Draco stormed to get away again but of course she was on his heels.
"Why should I? You won't even try to see my perspective."
"Because what you want will not happen. Not for a long time. Get that through your head Hermione and leave me the fuck alone!" His voice echoed as he made it into the kitchen and he heard her tiny foot falls stop.
Silence. Finally. She was quiet. But Draco knew that any silence of hers that lasted past three seconds was dangerous and he counted to ten before she spoke again. He conjured a glass of water, angrily gulping it down with his back to her.
WIth her shaking fists and trembling lips, Hermione tried her hardest to fight back the crack in her voice.
"I'm so proud to be with you. The thought of walking down Diagon Alley holding your hand makes my stomach flutter with butterflies and picturing you meeting my family is something I dream about, but I can't keep giving when I get nothing." She said with a small huff.
His nostrils were flaring and he still had the urge to cut her off and correct her but he waited.
"I have been understanding and patient. I only asked you for these things because I truly thought you felt the same way about me. I thought you saw us together for a long time, I thought you hated the moments I was away and I thought you loved me more than your pride." She said, raggedly sniffling and began to move away.
He wasn't going to change, at least it's what she told herself. He was still too scared and it overpowered his feelings for her. It was always going to be like this and she had to end the cycle now.
"If those are things you can't let go of…and make you happier than I do, then this won't work Draco." She said, her breath hiccuping as she said his name.
Panic seized his chest and he spun around, watching her cheeks stain with tears as she tried to hold in her heart wrenching sobs. He took a single step, his anger dissolving and hurt replacing when she stepped backwards. Something inside Draco's chest cracked and his hand moved into the air as if he'd reach her from across the room.
"Herm—"
"I'd do anything for you, and I thought you were someone I could love forever but… I don't believe that's true anymore. I-I can't be with you when you treat me like this and clearly don't love me enough to make this work. I'm sorry."
She gasped while pulling out her wand and Draco's eyes widened. She was leaving. No, no. She was leaving him.
"Don't. Please, Hermione, sto—"
He tried to dash around his furniture to get to her, but the crack of her apparation was there and gone before he finished speaking. The magic in the air felt suffocating and he gripped his chest to stop the gaping hole ripping through his body.
"Oi! Looky over there." Theo nudged Draco, making Pansy and Blaise follow his thumb jamming in the opposite direction. "Golden girl gots herself a new boyfriend."
Draco's head slowly turned, in that moment, he was a pure masochist. He couldn't look away from her and the same man she was with two weeks ago. The pain was addicting. With eyes glued to the people blissfully walking through the bar, he could barely hear his friends.
"Who's the bloke?" Blaise asked uninterested.
"Don't know." Theo replied.
"Leave it to Granger to get the fittest fucking man I've ever laid eyes on." Pansy said.
Draco couldn't breathe. She smiled up at the man when he helped remove her coat then pushed in her chair.
"Looks happy." Blaise commented.
As soon as the man sat down next to her, he kissed her hand and her cheeks bloomed to match the Scarlet jumper she wore.
Draco swallowed, harshly blinking his eyes shut as he cleared his throat.
"Yeah…she does."
A/N: oH MY GOSH. I'm sorry! *hides* i had this in my drafts forever and wanted to share I'm so sorry for the pain.
Fun fact: My absolute favorite band has been the Beatles since i was like 5 lol so this work is actually inspired by one of my favorite songs called "Yes It Is." You should def listen to it. It's such a heartbreak song and John's vocals just ugh. Heart string puller.
Thank you for reading and supporting. Please let me know what you think! :)