Chapter Eighteen: Dilemma
Barbara knows better than to ask but she longs to know what consequences would she face for her lapse in judgment. She could already picture her mother's stern frown of disappointment. Could hear her father's chiding lecture and exasperated sighs. The sisters at the church would surely keep their distance now and even her most ardent fans would abhor and shun her.
And she would deserve it all and much more for no amount of crocodile tears could spare or redeem her. Such was the magnitude of her crime.
And yet, as unpleasant as those things would surely be, she knows that they matter less than what the acting grand master would think of her once word of the affair becomes public. The thought alone cows her into silence for the duration of her very lengthy bath, compelling her to mutely endure Lisa's intense scrubbing without so much as a sigh or whimper.
The Mage scrubs at her skin as if determined to somehow wash away the very memory of the Harbinger's touch. She needn't have bothered herself for the Deaconess knows that it was truly a lost cause.
"Part your legs, sweetie," the Librarian instructs dryly as if reciting some ancient potion recipe. It is clear from the crease of her forehead that she is deep in thought.
Barbara begins to oblige but freezes as the memory of the Eleventh Harbinger's member returns, sending a shiver of pleasure through her. She flushes deeply as she quietly complies, bowing her head in abject shame. If Lisa notices, her green eyes do not say as they watch the Deaconess' thighs expectantly before abruptly shifting away.
Barbara flushes deeply as she feels the chill of Tartaglia's seed leaving her sex to trickle down her thighs. As Lisa reaches her sponge to scrub it away, the Deaconess squeals before shooting her an apologetic look.
"Almost done, sweetie," Lisa assures her kindly.
There is no judgment or disappointment in her eyes only deep guilt and sympathy. The songstress parts her lips to mumble an apology but her words catch in her throat as she feels more of him ooze out of her. Blushing furiously, she shuts her thighs with a horrified squeak, trapping the older woman's hand there.
"S-s-s-oorry!" She squeals, thoroughly dismayed.
"It's alright, sweetie," Lisa sighs kindly before adding. "Does it hurt?"
Too embarrassed to speak, Barbara shakes her head in response. The Librarian gently coaxes her slender thighs apart, pausing briefly to retrieve her fallen sponge before returning it to her charge's entrance. Tears of shame stream down the Deaconess' cheeks as the taller woman wipes and scrubs every fold and crease of her sex, pausing every now and then to rinse away the Harbinger's seed before resuming again.
"Hmm, no tearing. That's good," Lisa notes distractedly.
Once she is done, she quickly hands the Deaconess a towel and dressing robe to change into before hastily excusing herself. Barbara does not move from the tub until the Librarian returns with a change of clothes. At the sight of the taller woman watching her patiently, she tries to rise from the bathtub but feels her knees go weak instead. Her nostrils flare in disgust as Lisa calmly eases her out of the tub before coaxing her into her bathrobe.
I can manage. She means to say.
"Will you tell, J-J-Jean?" She blurts out instead.
A pregnant pause follows her query as the Librarian carefully considers her response. This was one of the rare moments where lying was somehow both impossibly cruel and humane. Lying would give her false hope at the cost of needlessly delaying the inevitable.
"Honestly, sweetie," Lisa sighs. "I don't know. It's not your fault and I don't want to punish you—"
"B-but I…I—it was wrong…and I..."
"Did he force himself on you?" The Mage asks turning to observe her. "You know you can tell me if he did."
"H-h-he didn't," the Deaconess sobs, sniffling slightly. "I-I k-knew it w-was w-w-rong b-but—"
"You couldn't stop it, could you?" Barbara nods her head in affirmation, prompting the taller woman to release a low sigh of frustration. "Barbara sweetie that's perfectly normal."
"B-but I-I'm supposed to be—my pu-purity—" the Deaconess chokes out. "I-it's g-gone. I-it was the one thing I swore to d-devote t-to L-lord Bar-Barbatos and I threw it awa—"
"Barbara," the Librarian's voice is low but firmer now as she forces the young maiden to meet her gaze. "What was Lord Barbatos' greatest gift to Mondstadt?"
"F-freedom?"
"Precisely," Lisa smiles, gently wiping the Deaconess' eyes. "Lord Barbatos will never begrudge anyone for following their heart. Besides, lots of sisters and fathers in the church go on to marry and have romantic relationships. I mean look at your father."
"B-but n-not with a Harbinger!" Barbara moans.
"About that," the Librarian says resting her hands at her hips. "Did you have any luck talking him out of that stupid organization?"
"N-no," Barbara replies quietly. As tempting as it is to reveal his offer to join, she decides that she has suffered enough shame for the day and is content to keep that to herself for the time being.
With Lisa's help, she quickly changes and returns to their shared hotel room where they both slide under the covers. Although every muscle in her body throbs with fatigue and overuse, Barbara does not feel the lull of sleep.
"You know, you look so much like your big sister," Lisa informs her with a loud yawn as she settles into a comfortable position.
"T-too b-bad I'm n-not s-strong l-like h-her."
"You think she would have resisted Master Diluc?" Lisa snorts.
"M-Ma-master D-D-Dil-luc w-w-would n-never!" Barbara gasps, shielding her face with her small fingers.
"Perhaps not in a restaurant," the Librarian concedes after some thought. "But I assure you those two can be quite the handful when the mood catches them. Why I even had to ban Diluc from the library after I caught them going at it in the restricted sec—"
"Pl-please! B-big s-s—I mean M-Master J-Jean w-would n-never!"
"Maybe not with your Ajax, but I assure you she would and has with her precious Diluc," the Mage chuckles.
When she notices Barbara pouting up at her, she throws her head back in laughter and pulls her into a choking hug, cackling as she tickles the petite songstress. They roll around on the bed for several minutes, Barbara wheezing and howling with laughter as she desperately tries to slap the Librarian's nimble fingers away. When Lisa finally retracts her hands to allow her some much-needed respite, the Deaconess flashes her a grateful smile before clearing her throat as she hugs her knees to her chest.
Her thoughts return to her older sister back home and her shame and concern grow as she imagines her huddled over her desk diligently finishing up her ever-growing mountain of paperwork.
The scandal of the affair alone would deeply upset her and ruin her already dazzling career, wrongfully detracting from all her many accomplishments. No amount of influence and prestige would absolve their family of the stench of treason. Barbara shudders as she remembers how deeply their countrymen despised and abhorred the once-vaunted house of Lawrence. Surely this would destroy the proud house of Gunnhildr tainting centuries of goodwill and sacrifice.
I'm a disgrace.
A deep sigh weighs her shoulders as she turns to watch the fading moonlight through the gap in her curtains. At that moment she knows that despite her breathless promises and earnest wishes, she could not join Tartaglia in the forest. Unlike the Snowmaiden, she was far too frightened of the searing sun's heat to abandon and desert the safety of her homeland.
No matter how noble his cause she was a Gunnhildr, and every fiber of her being compels her to force her very own desires aside for Mondstadt's. The lump in her throat tightens painfully as she hugs her knees closer, rocking back and forth now as she desperately blinks back tears of sorrow and frustration.
Oh, Ajax. Who will save you now? She heaves a deeply forlorn sigh as she recalls the delightful weight of his body pressed down against hers, his powerful hips thrusting into her with wanton need as all the world had fallen away leaving them alone to slake their own desires.
She knows what she has to do and yet a distressingly large part of her refuses to be parted from him so easily. No matter how strongly she resisted or denied it, she knew that she adored everything about him and was loath to give him up.
He must know it too. She concludes as she recalls his brazen confession and audacious ministrations.
"You're playing a dangerous game, Kroshka."
"I know," she grumbles to her knees as she shifts to study the Librarian's sleeping visage.
I wonder if he's sleeping too.
Somehow, she doubts it, and yet the Harbinger had proven himself to be full of so many surprises so it wouldn't shock her if he actually was fast asleep in his bed at that very moment. Closing her eyes, she listens to Lisa's light snores and wonders secretly if he snores too. Was he a restless sleeper like Jean? Or a deep sleeper like her flirty friend? Did he lie on his back like Lisa? Or did he prefer his stomach like Jean? Was he an early riser? Or a morning grump?
She flushes fondly as she recalls how easily her older sister drooled whenever she slept over and wonders briefly if the Eleventh Harbinger shared such proclivities. Was his mop of orange hair an even messier mass whenever he awoke? What did he wear to sleep?
She spends so much time trying to imagine Tartaglia's sleeping preferences that she does not notice the first rays of sunshine until Lisa begins to stir. Sliding beneath the covers, the Deaconess closes her eyes, eagerly willing herself to sleep.
But sleep continues to evade her until her thoughts of Childe are inevitably supplanted by the creeping dread of their affair's discovery.
"Good morning, sweetie," Lisa greets with a low yawn as she finally rises. "Did you get any sleep?"
"I'm so confused," the Deaconess confesses, sobbing profusely. "I don't know what to do."
"What's wrong, sweetie?" the Mage asks sitting up now, all traces of drowsiness vanishing in that instant.
"I…I think…I'm in love with him."
Saturdays were supposed to be the acting Grand Master's day off. And yet, every citizen of Mondstadt knew to find her cooped up in her sprawling office, humming pleasantly as she revises yet another pile of woefully deficient reconnaissance reports. Only moving to relieve herself or refill her cup with dandelion tea.
So, when Barbara and Lisa ride past the Mondstadt front gates, they make a beeline for the Knights of Favonius headquarters, pausing only to accommodate the stream of pedestrians. As they pass, several shoppers turn to greet and cheer for them as they recognize the blushing Deaconess. When word spreads of their idol's return, the crowd trailing them swells substantially, impeding the flow of traffic from both sides until Lisa finally stops to allow Barbara enough time to acknowledge her fans and well-wishers.
"Oh, dear," Barbara exclaims blushing furiously. "T-th-thank y-you so m-much for all your support."
"Lady Barbara, we heard you were simply sensational at Liyue Harbor!" Sansa the aspiring bard cries out, choking back tears of joy.
"More like magnificent!" Albert screams with an enthusiastic leap as he desperately tries to attract his idol's attention. "As expected of Mondstadt's brightest star! You're amazing, Lady Barbara!"
"Lady Barbara! Lady Barbara! Will you perform at the Windblume Festival?!"
"That's right! We hear you've written some new songs," Albert interjects pushing his way through to Barbara's horse now. "Please perform at the Windblume Festival!"
"Alright, everyone, settle down," Huffman calls out above the din of the crowd as he tries to nudge them apart to create a lane for their horses to pass through.
But the crowd stubbornly surges forward, jostling them around as they clamor to touch and embrace Barbara. The Deaconess lets out a frightened cry as their horse suddenly rears back, knocking them into the crowd.
She lands atop the crushing mass of bodies and cranes her neck to search for any sign of Lisa when she does not land beside her. Finding none, she begins to despair until the familiar crackle of electricity finally forces the crowd away.
As Huffman and Lisa disperse the crowd, Barbara heaves a sigh of relief but freezes when she feels a pair of eyes observing her.
"Are you alright?" Diluc Ragnvindr asks by way of greeting as his horse trots forward.
Remembering Lisa's words from before, Barbara can only manage a shy nod as she self-consciously averts her gaze.
"You shouldn't stay here," he states reaching down to offer his large, gloved hand.
The Deaconess blinks slowly up at it for several long moments before finally shifting to face him.
For all intents and purposes, this was the first time she had ever had occasion to hear his voice clearly and she was sure that they had never spoken directly before this. The aloof tycoon had always intrigued her. Despite her relative fame and his relationship with her older sister, this was the first time he had ever addressed her directly. For the most part, he was entirely unaffected by her fame and at times even seemed blissfully unaware of her entire existence. What little she knew of him she had gleaned from her older sister and the various rumors floating around town surrounding his father's death.
"Come. I'll get you home," he offers.
"A-alright," Barbara blurts without thinking, stepping forward to accept his hand.
He effortlessly pulls her up and settles her down unto the space before him, digging his heels into his horse's side to spur it forward. The force of its gallop sends her reeling back into his hard chest, forcing her to mutter a litany of profuse apologies as she desperately struggles to balance herself. When he notices her sitting side-saddle, he wordlessly adjusts his posture to steady and accommodate her, prompting her to flush deeply when she notices.
"T-thank y-you," she mumbles softly as they gallop past the market square fountain.
"Don't know what Huffman was thinking bringing you in through the main gate," the tycoon scoffs with a disgruntle sigh.
"P-please, i-it w-wasn't his f-fault," she stutters shifting to watch him. He lowers his gaze briefly to acknowledge her with an arched eyebrow. "W-we've b-been r-riding for th-the past t-two d-days now and were ju-just eager to get home."
"And how was your trip?" He asks coolly, his features hardening visibly. "To Liyue Harbor."
Something in his tone is ominous and menacing, betraying a sense that their encounter was not as fortuitous as the Deaconess had believed.
"F-Fi-fine," she stutters. She squeals as his red eyes latch unto hers, a stern line forming along his thin lips.
"I hear your performance at Liyue Harbor was quite," he pauses, returning his gaze to the road before them. "Enlightening."
"M-master D-Diluc," the Deaconess calls out trembling visibly now. "I th-think—"
"Of course, you should know that there is a particularly distressing rumor floating amongst the local Fatui diplomats."
"R-r-rumor?" Barbara squeaks, desperately trying to feign innocence. "W-what ru-rumor?"
"That you are the Eleventh Harbinger's lover."
"B-Barbara?" The Deaconess is so relieved at the sound of the acting Grand Master's voice that she almost falls off the horse. "Oh, Master Diluc, sir I—"
"Jean, please stop calling me sir," the Ragnvindr sighs. "You're the acting grand master and I'm no longer your superior."
"Yes, of course, sir," Jean Gunnhildr returns without thinking as she shifts to address her younger sister. "You're as pale as a ghost. You must be exhausted."
"I was escorting her back home," Diluc informs his former colleague. "She seems a little shaken up from before."
"Before? What happened before, sir?"
"Stop calling me sir and I'll tell you," the tycoon grumbles.
But the acting Grand Master had barely heard him as her attention is focused on the quivering Deaconess.
"Ah, there you are," Lisa calls out in relief as she and Huffman ride up to join them. "We went out of our minds with worry."
"Yeah, we thought Albert had kidnapped you during all the commotion," Huffman confesses.
"Ki-kidnapped?!" Jean exclaims thoroughly alarmed. "Are you alright, Barbara?"
"Don't tell me you were with them at Liyue Harbor," Diluc blurts, turning to address Lisa now as the acting grand master fusses over her little sister.
The Librarian turns to greet him with a bemused smile that promptly falls when she notices Barbara's deeply distressed form frozen on the horse before him.
"Oh dear, Barbara sweetie is everything alright?!"
Barbara opens her mouth to speak but can only manage a loud whimpering sob as the sting of unshed tears finally overwhelm her. Behind her she feels the grumpy vintner shifting awkwardly astride his horse, clearly perturbed by her sudden outburst.
Although she hears Lisa addressing them, she is far too distraught to make any sense of her words and can only sob into the sleeves of her frock. After what seems like an eternity, she catches whiff of her sister's familiar scent as the tycoon finally alights from his horse, allowing the acting Grand Master to mount it and settle in behind her instead.
"Barbara, what's wrong?" Jean coos softly embracing her petite shoulders.
Not daring to meet her gaze, the Deaconess merely shakes her head in response, burying her face deeper into her palms. She is so overwhelmed by her shame that she does not notice when the horse takes off at a steady trot until she hears the sentries at the front gate greeting them once more. Glancing between her fingers, she is relieved to note that they are riding out of the city now. Far away from the tycoon's disapproving scowl and her throng of adoring fans.
She flushes slightly as she notices the acting Grand Master's long, slender arms around her, gripping the reins firmly before them as she urges their horse forward. They do not stop until they reach the anemo archon's statue by Lady Vanessa's tree at Windrise. Jean alights from her saddle with a graceful leap, pausing to secure Diluc's horse by the tree before shifting to help the petite songstress down.
"T-thank you," Barbara mumbles meekly as her sister big sister carefully eases her unto the ground.
"You looked like you needed to get away," Jean informs her with a warm smile, a light blush tinting her cheeks. Catching herself, she shifts into a more professional stance as she clears her throat. "I hear your tri-trip to Liyue Harbor was quite successful. The Fatui diplomats at the Goth Grand Hotel have been raving about it for the past couple of days. I'm so proud of you, Barbara. You might truly be the key to easing the Knights' diplomatic relations with the Fatui."
"I'm glad everyone enjoyed it," the Deaconess manages with a soft smile that does not reach her eyes.
"Something's wrong Barbara," the Dandelion Knight states quietly touching her chest with a deeply concerned frown. "W-was someone unkind to you?"
"N-no. It's t-the opposite. Ev-everyone was so k-kind and in-inviting."
"Oh? That's great to hear," the acting Grand Master sighs in relief. "But you don't seem very happy, Barbara. What's wrong? Whatever it is I'm sure we can figure something out together."
"I'm in love, Jean," the songstress confesses turning to face her older sister with a somber frown. "I'm love with a Harbinger."
Author's Notes: Only two more chapters are left in this act. Writer's block willing, I'll try to get them done and posted back to back.