"Bridger!" One of the many assistant coaches hollers at me as soon as I cross the threshold to the practice fields. "Bradley wants you, now."
Oh boy.
I give the assistant a nod, then start over to where the head man, Coach Bradley is off to the side talking to someone I don't recognize. Their conversation stops just before I arrive, and the other man departs just as I get within earshot.
"You asked to see me, sir?"
"Yeah, I did." He confirms, glancing at his practice plan before finally looking at me. "I'm altering your duties slightly this week."
"Okay." I nod and wait for him to continue.
"I want you to stick close to your boy this week, make sure he doesn't screw up his ankle any more. I told the training staff to wrap it so he can't sprain it any further, but I know my guys and Matt'll say he isn't in any pain even if he is. Saturday was an example of that. I want you next to him like white on rice and you stop him from continuing if he so much tweaks it anymore. You understand me?"
"Yes sir. May I ask a question?"
Matt's not going to want to listen—
"No." He returns to his practice plan. "You're dismissed, go warm him up."
Okay.
I respectfully nod to him and say "Yes sir." Before beginning to walk away—
"Bridger!"
Spinning on my heels, I turn back to him before he gestures for me to come closer.
—
Closer.
I take another couple of steps so that his next few words can't be overheard. "Use those people skills the Jedi are surely teaching you to keep an eye on Tate. You're on social media, I'm sure you're seen his bullshit this weekend."
"No, I haven't sir."
Bradley instantly rolls his eyes and looks back to his plan. "Whatever. Just keep an eye on him. Let one of the QC's know if he's acting shifty after practice. And do it discreetly."
"Yes sir." I nod, then walk away again.
This time I make it all the way out to where the three quarterbacks are all flinging footballs back and forth to each other, warming up their arms.
No Matt.
"Catch!" I hear Tate yell at me, just before I get a football whizzed at me.
Catching it with ease, I take a step and return the throw, not nearly as hard but a way better spiral than his, and exactly where I want it to go.
Right above his numbers.
"Good toss." Micah, another one of the quarterbacks compliments me.
"Thanks." I smile.
"What was that all about?" Tanner, another one asks me.
"Bradley just wants me to keep an eye on Matt's ankle." I answer honestly.
"Ahh." Micah nods before I get another throw whipped at me.
If I didn't have Jedi reflexes, he might actually hurt me.
The three of them fall into a casual discussion which devolves into general complaining about last week and the offense.
I know they lost, but I don't think that was the problem.
Catching some highlights, it looked like a simple problem: USC's big guys got tossed around by some school named Clemson's big guys.
To the point that one of them got pushed into stepping on Matt's ankle, causing him to limp around the rest of the game.
That's probably what Tate's pissy about. They were already losing, but after Matt got stepped on he got the crap kicked out of him.
Probably mad he didn't get to play.
"Here he comes…" Tate declares haughtily, just loud enough to hear but not loud enough for Matt to catch before I glance back and—
HEADS UP!
I stick my right hand up and catch the football that Tate threw just as Matt winces and just before whistles ring out.
Yeah yeah…
I toss the football to Matt underhanded as he continues his walk over, left ankle wrapped pretty good. Matt returns fire with a missile directly over my head that the Force doesn't even warn me about before Matt says "He threw that at your head."
"He's pissy he didn't play. I'm an easy target. How's the ankle?"
"Fine." Matt evens up with me, face unreadable to me behind his smoked-out visor and helmet. "Don't worry about it."
"Bradley has me with you today. It's my job to worry about it. Heads up."
Matt catches the throw and sends it back. "Really? How thoughtful—of him. Hi, by the way."
"Hi." I laugh.
Didn't have time to say hello this morning in Bio. Paulisson is continuing his crusade to kill us.
"You starting to notice the numbers—thin out in Bio?"
"Last semester that happened after Fall Break." I point out.
"That class is insanity. Thank you again for the notes and the help by the way."
I smile as Matt keeps warming up and everybody starts getting spaced out enough that I can't quite catch everyone else's conversations.
"Sorry you lost this weekend."
Matt hisses out a breath. "It's fine. I don't like losing, but it's better than getting called soft."
They are getting called soft.
"I don't know how you're handling all the shit you're taking so—damn well." Matt puts a little extra mustard on that throw before turning to me.
"Helps that a lot of it's true."
The ball audibly hits Matt's hands before he tosses it to me, signaling that it's my time to catch now, something he only has done a few times. "Bro."
He had me do it two weeks ago, at the actual game when he was warming up. That was how he stole me to start with.
"What?"
"Accepting criticism and becoming a supplicant to it are two different things."
I quip "Nice word." Before I catch Tate's throw and flip it to Matt.
"I'm serious."
"I am too." I counter. "In…my former life, if you spoke against me or my word, bad things happened. That can't be how I operate anymore."
Matt eyes me for a half-second before he reloads and launches a throw back to Tate. "All you do is take criticism. From the media, you take shit from Sabine, the Jedi, Sabine's parents—"
"You don't know all of that." I cut him off.
"Sabine also says hi by the way. I think she wants to talk to you. Did you make it to Calc on time today?"
I nod as another throw comes in. "The scooter idea was a good one."
"Don't mention it. As long as your park the thing and don't just abandon it anywhere. Hopefully the Jedi don't mind you spending a little extra so that you're not late to class."
"Dooku literally couldn't have cared less. He switched topics without mentioning it."
"Is that how you know him?"
"No." I shake my head. "He was the first Jedi Master to think of me as a potential asset."
"What about your buddy?"
"Cayle's not a Jedi Master."
The Force rings with a tiny bit of irritation from Matt. "I don't know the Jedi hierarchy. Nobody does, just that Jedi are Jedi. And all Jedi are powerful."
"Some more than others." I fill him in. "There's multiple levels to it."
"Are you allowed to say?"
Yeah, I guess I am.
"In general, there's five ranks. There's younglings, initiates, Padawans, Knights, and Masters."
"Sabine's used the word younglings before. Those are the kids you teach." Matt glances at me.
I catch the ball and nod, then flip it to him. "Then what's your buddy?"
"Technically, he's a Padawan. He's still learning under his old Master, who you met."
"Ahsoka." Matt nods.
"Cayle's done enough to be recognized as a Knight, but you have to pass a series of trials to be granted the rank of Master."
"Granted the rank of Master…is that what he's off doing now?"
"Off the record?" I ask, only for Matt's silence to be all the answer I need. "Yes."
"Hell yeah. That's awesome. Tell him I'm rooting for him."
"I would, but rules say I can't contact him. The energy is appreciated though." I smile as the Force does indeed lighten a bit around us.
"Why can't you contact him? Is it because you're—you?"
"Because it could be viewed as me interfering. And no, it's not just me. The trials are meant to push you to your absolute limits. You, and you alone."
Matt and I take a few more turns tossing the ball back and forth before Matt motions to Tate that he's warm before going right for his ankle. "They're not going to like that."
"It feels like my foot is encased in concrete. It's too tight. I feel fine. Go ask Gonzo if he can cut some of it off." Matt asks me just before a whistle blows.
Time for me to go grab waters and see Gonzo anyway.
Everyone goes their separate ways as I walk back to the athletic training area and—
"How is he?" One of the members of the press that's liked enough to stick around asks me.
"Good as ever." I respond casually while keeping it moving all the way to the coolers and Gonzales, the head athletic trainer. "Hey Gonzo."
"Hey Ezra, how are you bro?"
"Good, good—you didn't have to do that." I tell him as he's extended four already filled bottles to me.
That's literally my job.
Gonzo waves me down. "Don't mention it. How's Matt?"
"He says he feels fine. Wanted me to ask if you could loosen his tape a bit. Says his feet feels like it's encased in concrete."
Irritation flows to me through the Force. "I told them not to wrap him so tight. It's not that bad a sprain. Yeah, I can, give me a second."
"Thanks Gonzo." I smile, then turn back to the assembled team as their huddle calls it in, then breaks. Once the quarterbacks are singled out enough, I drift that way.
"Thanks. We're over by soccer again. Routes on air, the usual." Matt informs me, taking his designated bottle.
Before I can respond, somebody yells at Tate to get the equipment, only for a short shouting match to break out between him and some of his receivers.
He is in a bad mood.
Once things start to deescalate a bit, I turn to Trey. "I'll get it."
"Nah, Twitter fingers should get it." Trey dismisses me completely.
Gos comes in over the top. "Freshman carry the equipment anyway. And—"
"HE'S A FUCKING FRESHMAN! HE WASN'T HERE LAST YEAR EITHER!"
Okayy…Tate.
I grab the bag of footballs as Tate leads the way, stomping his way through the gate, past everyone assembled as the silence gets a little awkward.
"Is it a bad time to mention Bradley told me to keep an eye on him?" I joke, which works and gets everyone to laugh.
"He's having you spy on us now EB?" One of the upperclassmen receivers comment.
"Sounds about like Bradley."
Trey pipes up. "He can burn himself out. Everybody knows he's mad he didn't play last week."
"Yeah, well let's not make it too obvious." Matt counters. "Are you guys fully warm?"
"Mostly." One of the other receivers says.
Matt instructs them to get warm before everyone breaks off into their normal groups of conversation, leaving me alone with Matt again.
"Appreciate you boss."
"All good." I smile. "Nice handling of Tater Tot."
"Lions don't concern themselves with the opinion of sheep." Matt declares before I just turn and eye him.
I'm gonna use that.
"What?"
"That's a really good way of putting why I'm putting up with everything I'm hearing out there." I explain as we cross the road and start to get within eyesight of soccer.
This hill can give us a decent vantage point of their practices. It's how I knew Sabine wouldn't be starting the opener.
The little of Matt's face I can see makes a face before he responds. "You don't see yourself as a lion."
"Yeah, I do." I reveal to him. "I just don't let you see it."
Matt's head turns my way. "Oh yeah? How so?"
How can I explain this…?
"You remember last Christmas and that dueling tournament?"
"Yeah." Matt confirms as we reach a suitable spot and come to a stop.
"All but one or two of those duels I was messing around really. Toying with them, they were a waste of my time."
I had them won the moment they were finalized.
Matt chuckles to himself before looking at me, visor glinting in the sun. "Really?"
Yeah.
"How good are you—seriously?"
"Honestly…I'm every bit as talented as the TV says I am."
Matt returns fire "JJ's said that there have always been quotes on background that claim you're one of the most naturally gifted people they have. He thinks it's half of why they're protecting you."
"It's less than half." I shrug.
I hope it becomes less and less by the day. I don't want to be purely a weapon anymore.
"Why the tone change?" Matt changes it up on me, pulling my attention right back to him.
"I left my father for a lot of reasons, but one of them being that I was just a weapon to him. I was seeing that even before I turned to the light. I don't just want to be a weapon anymore."
I want to be more.
Matt doesn't immediately reply, instead unbuckling his chinstrap and pulling his helmet up to reveal that he's soaked in sweat before I see him beam at me before he takes the water bottle from me and takes a huge gulp from it.
"Jeez it's hot out here. You sure you don't want any?"
(Three Hours Later)
Rounding the corner, the placid glass doors that lead to A's lab part for me before I even come close enough to activate them myself but still walk right through.
Within a few steps, the Force lightly jangles my nerves, causing me to glance around and find the source of the tension—
Oh. It's Mira.
She's playing underneath somebody's desk.
"There you are, Master Bridger." Alexandre's voice reaches my ears a few feet away. Turning, I smile while giving him a look before he comes correct. "Ezra."
"How are you?"
"Good, good. Just saw you printed out some more work from your biology course. I imagined you'd be coming down here."
Yup.
"Thought I'd gather up all the notes my friend missed last week. What's Mira doing underneath the desk?"
I hope she's not bothering his people while they work. I know he's said in the past that she's not but…
A laughs lightly, catching the eye of the technician, whose desk is currently Mira's playhouse. "Oh don't be concerned about her. She's playing with an invention one of the mechanics came up with. It's a word processor, but for small children."
"Word processor?" I repeat the words while peering over to Mira.
All of her focus is on…whatever it is.
"I'm sure she and her brother have taken you down a jaunt or two down the toy aisle?"
"Yeah." I laugh.
"It's similar to one of those toys, with a keyboard and speaker that helps infants comprehend more words. It was just an idea he had, and Mira's taken to it. I'm attempting to not get my hopes up but he may have stumbled into something."
"Maybe. Or maybe she just like that it talks."
She's barely one.
"Perhaps, but we know so little about the infant thought process, and Mira took right to it once we showed it to her one day, so…"
He's getting his hopes up.
"I'm sure you didn't just come down here for a social call and to pick up some notes Ma—Ezra." A catches himself this time. "Did you come to see about Insight's progress in Liuzhou?"
No.
"I saw that they're taking some…liberties in applying the technology."
A's disgust is clear on his face before he speaks again and his tone confirms it. "Rounding up criminals and dissidents is normally something I'd abstain my opinion over. But this was not the intended use, although they claim it to be a side effect."
"I'd love to disagree with you, but seeing as they haven't found him yet…"
"Leads you to believe the worst." A concludes my thought. "You really are sure he's there."
He is.
"Yes." I state plainly, moving to look at him more fully.
A's face flushes a shade before he backtracks. "I've read the intelligence reports from all parties, including your friend Aubrey. He could be commuting in from one of the smaller towns or villages to stay further off the beaten path, only coming in for supplies."
"Or when necessary."
Mira calls out my name, pulling my attention away and causing me to glance in her direction and see that she's looking at me, still sitting under the desk.
"Hi." I call out to her before waving for her to stay where she is. "Sit…keep playin."
Mira replies to me in a string of syllables that don't make sense before waving…and returning to her toy.
"I'm not trying to be difficult." A hastily says to me as I turn back to him. "I've just been giving the situation some thought. What I would do, that sort of thing."
"I appreciate the thought." I reply sincerely. "We've just got to be patient…at least that's what the Council says."
A raptly nods. "I have full confidence that the facial progression technology we used on the pictures of your brother is accurate. We'll find him."
I agree.
The tech he used was…interesting.
The Council had him, or some of his people take Elias' genetic code which we got from Kamino, and combined it with the best age progression technology the world's got, and came out with a photo of Elias that I wasn't expecting.
I don't think Dad did the same genetic work on him, at least in the face as me. Elias, if the picture's right, has a different face.
He has Mom's cheeks, a small dimple in his chin and his ears protrude from his head a bit. His general face is sort of the same as I remember it, but that makes sense.
If you go back and look at pictures of me when I was younger, you can see me now, back then.
—
Whoa.
The lights flicker for an instant, but only that just before the glass doors that usually lie open, on the interior of the lab, not the automatic doors, slide closed and make a secure, locking sound.
The Force immediately rings with the confusion of everyone around me as I instinctively pull my lightsaber off my belt and into my outstretched hand.
"What's going on?" A asks me.
"I don't know." I reply, then stride to the doors and tug on them.
They didn't budge at all.
"Those doors close during the defensive lockdown drills we do." A technician whose name I don't know informs me.
I nod to show I understand. "Makes sense. We're locked down?"
A responds by turning to a bank of people at their stations. "Find out why we're locked down. As quickly as you can."
"Thank you." I add before I twirl my lightsaber in my hand and reach out into the Force.
…
I don't feel anything out of place. Or any impending danger, or—
Mira saying something is followed up by A responding to her words.
He's got her, keep digging Bridger…
Closing my eyes, I exhale fully and do my best to enmesh myself into the Force and reach out, trying to detect anything wrong.
The biggest concern here is Mira's rapidly rising anxiety and fear. She's scared.
Blocking out all of the eyes on me, I open my eyes and turn to A and see that he's holding Mira and talking to her as Mira's face is showing her distress.
"—it's okay, it'll be alright. Look, here's Ezra. See?"
"Hey." I perk up for Mira just before A hands her off so enthusiastically he almost tosses her to me. "It's okay. You're fine."
She's not dumb. She can read people, at least her parents and Jacen.
Mira grasps onto me with one hand and elaborates her fears with a raised pitch in her voice before waving her other arm around. "It's okay…nothing's wrong right now. We're going to figure out what's up, then it'll be okay. Promise." I reassure Mira, then kiss the top of her head.
Mira's reply, almost a moan of despair is followed by A asking his people. "Well?"
"I don't think it's here sir. I've run a preliminary diagnostic on the perimeter alarms. Nothing has tripped."
"No breaches." A follows up. "No forced entry, has anything been reported?"
"No sir." Another tech answers him.
"Then keep working to find out what the bloody hell it is."
I bite my tongue as not to laugh at A's tone of frustration, which is noted by Mira before I smile at her. "—standard Jedi protocol is to lock down every Temple in the event of an assault or attack on another Temple."
I know that, anywhere around—
…
Oh shit.
"Have them check Turkey." I tell A.
Please let me be wrong. Please please please…
"Turkey?" One of the technicians openly follows up.
"Why?" Another asks.
"I don't care why, he has as much authority here as I do. Just do it!" A barks out the order to his people.
"No, I don't…" I correct A. "It's just a hunch I've got."
Please please please, let it be a protestor in New York, or Florida, or London or Dubai or Beijing—
Anywhere!
JUST NOT TURKEY!
"An educated guess or a hunch? There's a major difference." A looks to me.
"I know that. It's…just hope I'm wrong."
"So an educated guess. From who?" A returns fire.
"I can't say."
A's expression turns angry. "Ez—Master Bridger." He says insistently.
"I've been ordered by the Council that I can't say anything. Just please check, and when I'm wrong we can move on to other possibilities."
"No need to sir." A technician grabs my attention. "Found it. Multiple alarms have tripped at the Turkish Temple near Izmir sir. Looks like, if I had to guess by the number of alarms offline, looks like a bomb."
"Shit."
I can't do anything in Turkey!
Mira enunciates a single syllable, causing me to look down and see that she's looking up at me. "Don't use that word. I never said that." I tell her firmly.
Mira disobeys my command, enunciating the same syllable again before her tongue protrudes from her lips, looking exceptionally cute.
"—do everything you can to confirm that those aren't false positives." A barks out instructions for his people. "Get on the phone with the nearest police station, try to confirm that something's happened—"
(Sabine Wren POV - Four Hours Later – 9:51 PM)
"Every page has a film like that?" JJ asks innocently.
STOP.
"Yeah." I respond while not looking up from my sketch pad. "It has to in order to keep the charcoal in place."
The not even half-finished drawing I'm working on of flowers in a vase, sitting on a desk stares back at me before I peer up and see that Matt and JJ's game is in the lobby, waiting to join another game.
C'mon…
If I'm here all night, I will kill Ezra.
"But you can put it back."
"Yup." I give him a slight smile then turn back to my sketch. "The charcoal I'm using has to have something to adhere to, otherwise it'd just slide off the page."
Unless you use so much of it you burn through like three charcoal pencils that cost like 9 bucks at the art supply store.
Nope, haven't done that…in years.
That edge needs more shading.
Making the adjustment I need, the edge of the vase becomes a bit more defined as behind me, a plate clanks up against the others while being put into the dishwasher.
What time is…
9:54.
HURRY IT UP BRIDGER.
I've got shit to do. I had plans for tonight.
One of which was planting myself in your apartment, getting more done of this sketch than I have, and talking to you.
And somehow…
I shouldn't be mad.
He's just trying to protect me. And he did make an effort to communicate with me this time, calling me just before news broke about that attack on a Jedi Temple in Turkey.
He couldn't talk long, I could hear Mira nearby, clamoring for Ezra's attention. And behind that, I could still hear a commotion in the background as he explained—
One of the dishwasher racks gets pulled on, and the contents echo back to us before the Tv makes a clicking sound, meaning that JJ and Matt have found another game. Letting out a quiet sigh, I shift in the little nook I've created here on the couch and eye my sketch again.
I could work on the table next. But then I'd have to go back to normal pencil because all that table is right now is a rough idea.
Yeah. I'll do that.
My flowers can't fall if I give them a solid base.
Reaching to my left, I grab the resealable baggie with packing material in it to protect my pencils and set my charcoal on the inside before tucking it into the top segment of my backpack and picking out my box of regular, graphite pencils.
"—thank you so much for—"
EZRA!
Without a thought, I leap up from my seat and dart into the kitchen, where Ezra and Jaicey are enmeshed in a hug. "—don't mention it. Is everything okay?"
"For now, yeah." Ezra says, weight in his voice before his eyes pop up and find me before he lets go of Jaicey a bit. "Hey."
"Hey. You made it."
"Sorry it took me so long. Security at work didn't exactly want me leaving." Ezra gives me an apologetic look.
"Why?" Jaicey asks, releasing him only to peer up at him. "You're just help, you're not a Jedi."
"An attack on any Temple gets all of them shut down. And we never know if it's just one or more, due to—ya know—"
"History." Jaicey interjects. "JJ's told me about that Vietnam disaster. Order sixty…oh it's not sixty-nine…"
Ezra cringes as I can't hold back a laugh before he looks back at me. "I'm sure you're ready to go. I can take you home whenever you're ready."
GREAT!
"Yeah, let me grab my backpack. Just a sec." I quickly reply, then dart back through the curtain.
Chaos and gunfire are everywhere on the TV screen as I quickly gather my stuff together. "Where are you going?" JJ asks cynically as zip open the largest compartment of my backpack.
"Ezra's here, so I'm going home. Thanks again for dinner."
"You're welcome, it was just pizza so—hey!" JJ calls back to me as I dash back through the curtain.
Ezra turns right to me and asks "You ready?"
I nod silently before Ezra turns to Jaicey. "Thank you again, so much. I'll pay for the pizza, later if that's okay."
"You don't have to do that—" Jaicey counters, looking a little upset before Ezra cuts her off.
"You guys weren't expecting guests. It's the least I can do." He says as I slip past them both and Ezra takes a half step towards me and the front door.
Jaicey's face morphs a couple times before she settles on "You gonna be there tomorrow?"
"For your game? Yeah, of course." Ezra nods. "I kind of have to, I heard somebody took her spot back."
I did.
Smiling, I look back to Jaicey in time to see a small smile crawl onto her face. "Yeah, well…the offense was impotent with Alena at the helm. Just Sabine's passing helps things not be so sticky."
"It was noticeable last Sunday when she came in." Ezra reveals.
"You take the stick out of the wheels and what do you know." Jaicey shrugs before waving us both towards the door. "Go, go if you're so determined on leaving. Now I've just gotta get the other one out of here."
Ezra smiles before turning back to me. "Bye!" I call out to her while turning for the front door.
"Bye! Drive safe!" Jaicey commands us before Ezra walks me to the door and—
I got it.
Ezra's long-ass arm reaches over my head, grabbing the door just as I move to pull on it, causing me to stutter step before toeing open the screen door. Proceeding down the steps, we're both silent as we walk towards Ezra's car, which is sitting in the driveway behind JJ's car.
Piling into the passenger's side, we're both buckled up and Ezra's pulling back out of the driveway before he decides to speak. "Thank you for staying here. I really appreciate it."
"You're welcome. I didn't do it for you though." I point out.
Dad texted me, double-checking where I was. And he asked me to listen to your dumbass and your request…
A normal silence turns awkward before Ezra's grip shifts on the wheel as he begins navigating his way out of the neighborhood. "I thought you'd be mad at me."
"I'm not mad at you Ezra." I turn and frown at him. "I—you can't just call like that and tell me what to do."
Ezra's face twitches before he responds. "I tried to soften the blow. I'm sorry. There was a lot going on, and it's my job to make sure you're safe—"
"That's not your job!" I talk over him.
"—with Jaicey and JJ at their house. I thought that'd be the easiest place for you to be. I imagined you didn't want to be alone at my apartment. I tried. I…" Ezra lets out a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry."
"I'm not your responsibility Ezra. I can take care of myself perfectly fine, and besides. This attack wasn't even here!" I point out.
"We didn't know that for sure for a couple of hours." Ezra makes his counterargument. "And you're not going to like this, but right now, it's my job to protect you. The Jedi gave me that order until we get your beskar back. Because you could still be in danger."
"That has nothing to do with this!" I snap off at him. "Just because some looney tune decided to attack a Jedi Temple doesn't mean you get to come be glorious protector of me!"
You're not wearing white! You're not in shining armor!
"I'm…" Ezra hotly begins, then stops himself. "I don't think I'm some glorious protector."
"Good!" I celebrate. "You're not! You're not a Jedi, you're not a superhero, you're just a guy Ezra! A guy with way, way too much on his plate!"
"I'm fine Sab—"
"NO, YOU'RE NOT!" I shout at him. "You literally never have any time for anyone! For me! We have two classes together but after each one you have to race off, one to your next Calc class which might as well be in freaking Santa Barbara, and the other, to stupid work!"
…
…
"We're almost a month into school Ezra! And you're so busy I've been trying to talk to you, just as a friend, and now about important life shit that I keep having to put off because of you!" I shout at him, then come to myself and realize that we're stopped at a light.
I bet I sound like a lunatic.
"I'm sorry for yelling, I—"
"No." Ezra cuts me off. "You're right. I tried…" He stops, before his voice quivers and he stops himself.
Oh no.
I turn and reach out to him only to stop about halfway through when he starts up again. "I was planning on taking a class this summer, like I told you about, to help ease some of this load on me. You're right. I'm too busy."
"I never heard anything about that after Maul's attack." I admit, trying to keep my tone low.
Stop yelling at him, Sabine.
"My fault." Ezra falls on the sword. "I had to drop it, by the time everything had stopped and I was up and back in a shape to concentrate on school…Hera and Kanan had decided to drop me from the class. Things were already due, and I missed them and…"
Oh.
Turning back to Ezra, I see him exhale heavily before he flips on his turn signal and—
What the…we're not here yet.
We're…
"Where are we going?"
Ezra doesn't immediately reply as the light turns, and he turns right, into an empty parking lot of a shopping center with a chain dining restaurant, and electronics store before coming to a gentle stop and putting the car into park. "You, uhm…you said you were putting some life shit off? What is it Sabine? I don't want you negatively impacting your life for me."
I—
No.
"I don't think tonight's the night Ezra. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just, I had plans tonight and—"
"I ruined them." He flatly interrupts me.
I don't like that tone.
"I'm sorry Sabine. You said that I have to make time, well it's not glamourous but…" Ezra gestures around us. "What is it Sabine? I'm all ears."
Tonight is not the night.
This is such a bad time for him.
Sabine you IDIOT!
"I—" I start before my voice shakes a bit and I stop to stop it from shaking. "Ryan keeps asking me out."
Please please please stay with me, just listen—
Ezra doesn't flinch and continues waiting patiently for me before I make myself continue. "I—I keep telling him no, not right now because I want to talk to you about it. Because you're my best friend here Ezra and you're really important to me and…I don't want to screw this up."
And I absolutely have.
"You haven't." Ezra replies before swallowing a lump in his throat. "I, uhm, appreciate you wanting to talk to me about it. I'm sorry I've forced you to wait. Let me guess, he's getting tired of waiting."
Yeah.
His texts are getting shorter and shorter.
I know he's mad at me.
"Well…" Ezra pipes up before I can speak again. "Do you like him?"
"Yeah." I laugh. "I like him a lot."
We have the same taste in music and tv shows. He's funny, he's smart, he's cute, he can be thoughtful but also can have a little bit of an edge to him…
"Then you should go out with him." Ezra says simply, voice even. "Try it out, take it for a test drive. See how it goes."
"It's not that simple Ezra, I mean we've…"
We've done a lot of things together…
We've done everything together.
You're…maybe the most important person in my life. You helped me get over Brett and helped me get through last year and—
"We moved too fast." Ezra says simply. "And—that's my fault. I, that's my fault, Sabine. I find it hard sometimes to tell you no. That's on me."
"Ezra—" I start, then change my thought mid-stream. "That's my fault too. I—"
"I know you're frustrated with me." Ezra cuts me off, his eyes dropping down to the steering wheel. "And I'm sorry about that. I…you're not entirely right. I have a lot of responsibilities, some of which are for you. What happened at that party doesn't happen if I don't lose this summer and get your beskar stolen from me. They found where it came from and traced it back. And they tried using that to hurt me. Through you."
I—
"I know you wish I could be more honest with you. And I probably shouldn't have even said that, what I just said." He rambles on. "But that doesn't change the fact that you're right. About everything you've said so far tonight."
Ezra—
"I take responsibility for that. That's my fault." He takes his hands off the wheel and taps his chest.
"I don't like your tone right now." I counter.
He sounds…defeated.
Ezra exhales through his nose and glances at the mirror on his door. "I…I think you should go out with Ryan. At least try it. Because like it or not, I don't have time for anything like that right now. And it's not like we're in a great place right now anyway—"
"Ezra!"
"Can you stop interrupting me and let me finish my thought? Okay?! Please?" Ezra snaps at me, in a tone I've never heard before—
Ezra closes his eyes and lays his head on the steering wheel. "Sorry…I shouldn't yell. You, you're just trying to talk to me."
"It's okay."
You can yell at me.
I deserve it sometimes.
More times than you.
"We haven't been in a great place for months." Ezra begins again. "Ever since work made me go silent on everyone. And I fought to stay in touch with you, I did…" Ezra's voice suddenly shakes before he silences himself.
I can't stop myself from reaching out and touching his shoulder before he jerkily pulls away from me.
Ez…ra?
I have to fix this.
This is a disaster.
"But my work, which put you in danger, made me follow the rules. And I did. And Ryan doesn't have those rules on him like I have rules on me. He's got more freedom than I do, which is great. But…I don't know where I'm going with that."
"Hang on now." I jump in. "For just a second Ezra. This isn't how I wanted this to go, at all—"
"It's fine Sabine. This conversation was never going to be easy."
The air seems to vanish from my lungs before Ezra continues on. "I—I had a feeling this was coming you know, since the summer when you posted about Lollapalooza. I—"
"Ezra—" I try jumping in.
No! This didn't start this summer!
I MESSED UP THIS SUMMER!
"—and that's one of the reasons I've…been avoiding you. Which yeah, I guess I should admit that too. I don't have much time, but the time I do have I have been trying to stay away from you." Ezra…confesses, before licking his lips and continuing. "I shouldn't have done that. I…didn't know how to handle it, and that's my fault. I'm sorry."
…
…
…
I knew it.
"Ezra…"
Ezra lets out a sniffle, then wipes his nose and blinks a couple of times before turning away from me. "Anyway…yeah. I think you should go out with Ryan. Try it out. You two seem to really like each other. And that's great."
"…Great." I reply blankly.
I'm not doing this right at all.
"Ezra—"
"I don't deserve to keep you occupied any longer tonight, you've basically been my willing hostage at Jaicey's for hours on end now. And I bet you want to go home, get a shower and get some rest. Maybe even talk to Ryan." Ezra lays out my perfect plan for tonight out before turning to me. "So…where should I be taking you?"
(A/N: This is a Sabezra story. Keep the faith.)