Play 10: The Great Depression
Hijikata had specially and personally warned me not to step out of my room during his trip to Osaka unless because of emergency reasons, or I would get it from him. I was pouting like a sulky kid as I nodded solemnly, and Kondou laughed.
"Anyone who witnessed this scene would think them as father and daughter!" He had commented harmlessly, but somehow it hurted me. It was not the thought of Hijikata as my father that wounded me--it was the fact that I had never felt the love of a father before.
Now, here I was, sitting in the middle of my private room, spacing out.
I snapped out of it and got up from my seat. Opening the window, I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm myself. The air smelled fresh, compared to the present day Japan, pollutants almost everywhere because of human activities.
"It's so quiet." I smiled to myself as I stared at the blue sky. A cool breeze blew by, and I shivered a little.
Although I had caused them so much trouble, they still tried their best to give me what they could, so I couldn't complain that much. Sighing, I thought of Yamada, my butler back in the house. I had always complained to him--how the maids treated me, how the cooks' food tasted like nothing, and stuff like that. Now, feelings of guilt weighed down my heart, and I longed to return home to apologise for my immature actions.
My hands went to touch the short sword at my waist, and I suddenly felt impatient. Slamming the window close, I unsheathed the sword and studied it.
"Yukimura Chizuru," I said under my breath. "Where the hell did you go? And what is your father up to?" I placed the sword back, and walked to the door. Popping my head out, I looked around for people who might be passing by the corridor. When there was no one, I opened the door wider and stood there pondering.
Hijikata had already warned me not to even step out of my room unless it was mealtime, but I really wanted to go out and find clues to my 'father's' whereabouts. If he found out I didn't listen to him, I would again be lectured on the importance of following orders.
"Goddammit!" I said aloud, and stepped out of my room. Closing the door behind me, I stomped towards the direction of the inner courtyard, my mind spinning. I didn't want to be judged by passing soldiers that I was some sort of angry lunatic, so I thought of the lines in The Comedy of Errors. Before I knew it, I was hissing to myself aloud.
"Proceed, Solinus, to procure my fall. And by the doom of death end woes and all." I stepped into the inner courtyard and growled. "Merchant of Syracuse, plead no more; I am not partial to infringe our laws: The enmity and discord which of late, sprung from--"
I stopped abruptly as soon as a familiar feeling caused hairs to stand on my back. I glanced around to see who was staring at me, and almost fell when I saw Saito and Souji looking at me. An awkward silence filled the air, and I laughed softly to cover it up.
"Morning, Jun. Thinking hard on something, are we?" Souji was the first one to speak up.
"I-I guess so." I stared hard at the grass near my feet. "I-I was just wondering if...I can go look for Yuki-my father soon." I glanced at Saito and Souji.
"That's not possible. We don't have enough men to spare to keep an eye on you." Saito narrowed his eyes, and I cowered.
"B-but..." Impatience was bubbling up in my stomach. "I really want to look for him! Or at least get some clues!" I looked into his eyes in determination. "It doesn't have to be very far away, just around the area!"
"Hmm. Well, I supposed we might be able to let you tag along when we go on our rounds..." Souji looked at me considering, and I was surprised.
"Err...I see." I didn't expect that he would try and help me.
"This isn't just a stroll. If you're out with us, your life is in danger. If we make mistakes, our men die." I found myself looking up to meet Souji's glimpse. His smile was on the contrary of his serious eyes, and I gulped nervously. "If you don't want to get cut open by some angry ronin with too much drink and too little coin, you need to be ready to put up a fight."
"In that case, allow me to test you. Let me see if that blade of yours is merely for show." Saito's eyes flickered to my waist, and I tightened my grip on it.
For a moment, there was silence, but soon Souji started laughing.
"Oh man, this is too funny..."
I glared at his rudeness and turned my attention to Saito instead.
"Do I have to do this...?"
"Prove you can use your sword, and we may consider taking you with us on our rounds." Souji's smirk didn't disappear, and I sighed, resigned. I put the sword and its scabbard out from my hip and took a deep breath, positioning myself. Turning my sword around so that when I unsheathed the back would meet him instead, I met Saito's cold eyes unwaveringly and he tilted his head to a side. Smiling, he made a noise that sounded like a laugh to me.
"You..." I looked at his unsheathed sword, narrowing my eyes. I immediately understood what he was going to do, but I couldn't do anything--I wasn't sure how to counter or defend. I gritted my teeth, and said, "Here I go!" Almost swiftly, I unsheathed my sword, and then made a horizontal slash at him.
Just as I blinked, Saito was already in front of me, his blade only inches from me. I broke into cold sweat as I met his dark blue eyes.
"Your master should be proud. Your blade was not clouded." He was so close I could feel his breath on my cheek. "You can see into the heart of one's swordsmanship. You were blessed with a good teacher." He turned away, keeping his sword as I stared at his back in awe.
"I thought I saw it coming..." I said dazed, my heart pounding against my chest loudly. I almost died under his blade. "Iaido, isn't it?"
"You all right? Gave you a bit of start, didn't he? Not surprisingly--Saito's a real Iai master." What Souji said proved my point, and he tossed my sword over. I barely caught it without cutting myself or dropping it.
"Yeah, yeah, I guess so. Thanks for picking it up..." I didn't even realised that the sword was knocked out of my hands.
"That blade's nice, though it looks old." He commented, grinning, and I raised my eyebrow at that. "A kodachi, is it?"
I nodded blindly, frowning. This short sword is old? I absolutely can't tell.
Saito thought that I was disappointed, and smiled slightly. "Don't berate yourself. Your technique may not be impressive, but it is enough that we might take you along."
I immediately looked up from the blade. "Really? Can I really?" I sheathed the sword, and stared at him excitedly. "When can we go?"
Beside him, Souji started to clap. "Well look at that! Hajime-kun himself gave you a pass! That's pretty amazing, you know. However..." He smiled at me. "If the man who told you to stay here gives you his approval, then yeah, we can take you out any time."
My shoulders drooped. "Oh yeah. That demon of a lecturer..." I dug my fingernails into my palms. I was so close to getting out to find that Yukimura Koudou, but...
"You're just going to have to wait 'til Hijikata gets back from Osaka. Sorry." Saito sounded a little apologetic, and I felt like I had to say something.
"Ah, I don't have a choice, and you're not the one who issued this stupid rule, so you don't have to apologise..." I sighed, feeling depressed.
Seeing my expression, Saito continued, "We'll ask the commander for permission to take you on patrol."
"So you think you can wait just a little bit longer? If you want, we'll keep you company." Souji's smile seemed warm for the first time.
"Ah." I felt flustered. "Actually, there's no need for that. You have your own things to do..." For some reason, the one-sided fight earlier made me recall the events when I first met the Shinsengumi. I cleared my throat awkwardly. "By the way, Saito-san, I have to tell you something." When he turned his attention to me, I continued, shifting my foot nervously. "I know it's kind of late to say this, but...thank you for, well, saving me when we first met. I know that it's probably nothing to you, but really, thank you so much." When I finished, I glared at Souji. "And thank you for the...spider incident." I blushed a little, but managed to hide it from them.
When they didn't say anything, I peered into their faces--both were masks of shock and surprise. Then finally Souji broke the silence by laughing, like always.
"Don't laugh, you idiot!" I hissed, trying to defend myself. "I know this is weird considering you people wanted to kill me in the first place, but I'm not the type who doesn't have any basic manners!" I pouted angrily.
Souji stopped, and smirked at me. "Well, you're innocent alright." He patted my head, and I would have normally brushed it off harshly or at least glared at him. I didn't--I smiled instead, a weigh off my shoulders and heart. Perhaps it was because I had spoke about my true feelings that I felt so relieved.
The hand on my head froze, and I looked up to meet Souji and Saito's astonished eyes. I gave them a questioningly glance, and Souji chuckled.
"It's the first time you smiled around us, isn't it?" His smile seemed to be mocking me, and I pushed his hand off my head.
"I could have smile more, if I didn't need to see your face," I mumbled, my cheeks flushed. Suddenly, as if my mind wanted to remind me about the present, I recalled my play that would be due in a few months' time, and I felt depressed. "I think I should return to my room now..." I turned away, trying to bury away my sadness and frustration. The wind howled and I felt as if this cold loneliness could never be warmed as long as I stayed in this past.