Play 20: Cry, The Beloved Feelings

It was kind of funny how the entire fight lasted for only two hours—it had felt like forever.

The Shinsengumi had managed to kill seven ronin and injured the other four. With the help of the Aizu Domain and the Kyoto Judiciary Commissioner, they arrested a total of twenty-three people. The owner of Ikeda Inn had also been arrested for trying to help the Choshu escape.

Although the Shinsengumi had won, fighting against superior numbers in an enemy territory, they did pay dearly for it. Other than Souji who had been wounded severely in the chest, Heisuke had been cut in the forehead, the bleeding refusing to stop. Because of that, I had been trying to apologise to him—perhaps if I rushed to him first before going to Souji, he wouldn't end up like that. Heisuke didn't want to listen to me though—he pointed out that even if I was there, he would still be injured because of his carelessness.

Nagakura had hurt his left hand, and one of the Shinsengumi's soldiers had lost his life. Two others were wounded badly, and it seemed like they couldn't be saved. However, because of their sacrifices, the Shinsengumi had finally made a name for themselves.

I felt really bad for the injured men, but I didn't get it. Why did they risk their lives for the sake of every battle? I knew that at least one would get hurt or even die during a big fight, but why did they have to fight then? I really didn't understand the ways of a samurai. Back in the present, all people think was about surviving in their own hectic lives and society, not really bothering about others' well and being unless it involved their family or themselves.

It was now August, but I hadn't really get over the fact that my competition had ended. It was stupid how I angrily brooded over it, so I tried not to think about it. When Harada asked me if I wanted to follow along to one of their patrols, I accepted right away.

Hijikata had allowed me to go out too, which was a surprise to me if you thought about his demonic personality. But I guessed that he had trusted me more after I helped with Souji's situation (though I thought I did nothing much except but to wait for help to arrive while Souji was unconscious), so he let me out of the 'cage' more often than before.

"Hey, Harada-san?" I looked up to the tall man beside me. "The Shinsengumi always patrol day and night, right? What do you look out for?"

Harada smiled warmly. "Well, I guess everything. We usually arrest people who decided they want to test out their sword on the townsfolk, and we go after people who steal or don't pay for their food. Sometimes we break up fights too..." He chuckled. "We basically take care of all law-breaking criminals seen in the streets."

I shuddered. "That's pretty boring. No wonder all of you were so excited about the Ikeda Inn battle..." I trailed off, smelling the scent of delicious takoyaki. I jogged to the stall and bought six takoyaki before stuffing them down my throat hungrily.

"Nagakura-san!" I managed to choke out from my full mouth as soon as I noticed the man from afar. He was supposed to be patrolling on different spots, but somehow we bumped into him.

Nagakura turned at the call of his name and grinned. "Hey there, Jun! You find anything out about your dad?"

My good mood suddenly dampened, I swallowed the remaining takoyaki in my mouth and sighed, shaking my head in disappointment. The larger man laughed, patting my back a little harder than I would have liked.

"Aw, c'mon, cheer up! There's always tomorrow, right?" Nagakura's optimism was getting to me, so I smiled back, grateful for it.

"Well, Shinpachi? You find anything exciting?" Harada asked, his hand brushing his sword.

Nagakura's face turned serious and he shook his head. "No, nothing in particular, but..." He paused to look at the people around us. "All of the people on the street are acting...busy, you know?"

I hadn't actually noticed before, since I was engrossed in talking to Harada, but now that I had taken a rough survey of the surroundings, Nagakura was right. Everyone seemed nervous as if they were afraid that something would suddenly happen.

"Is it because they're afraid of a war?" I pointed out, and Harada nodded.

"Maybe."

"Well, it's no surprise. Those Choshu bastards are showing up around Kyoto again. That's why we've got extra watches these days." Nagakura folded his arms, looking genuinely annoyed.

Harada glanced at him. "We did give 'em at bit of a bloody nose at Ikeda. I can't imagine they'll just stand around with some of their guys in the ground."

"You mean...they'll want revenge?" I gulped, suddenly afraid. If they wanted to destroy the Shinsengumi...I shook my head slightly to clear my selfish thoughts.

Even though the Shinsengumi had saved the city from letting the Choshu set it on fire, everyone still looked at them with fear and mostly distrust. I was thinking that they might had sided with the Choshu, and believed that the Choshu was innocent.

I glared at one of the citizens in anger, and he quickly scampered off in the opposite direction. I was still staring at every person who dared to look at me when Harada spoke to me.

"You wanna join us?"

I jerked my head and frowned. What were they talking about again? Harada was probably trying to invite me to another raid or something like that. I thought of what happened at the Ikeda Inn—how I reacted when Souji was kicked (cried), and how I tried to pull him away from that strange ronin (failed).

"No thank you." I smiled as politely as I could. Although Kondou had comforted me, saying that I did help them in some way at the inn, I still had my doubts. Perhaps if I went, all I could do was to stand and watch like an audience.

Up to now, I was still wondering—why did I barge in to the inn? What had possessed me? I knew it was almost an instinct, but I was seriously confused. Was that how being treated as one of them feel like? I looked up at the sky worriedly. When the time came and I had to leave, would I miss them? Would I regret my decision forever then?