His Mother's Eyes

by gleechild

AU - 5 years ago, Ryan Clarke spent one perfect night with the woman of his dreams only to have her disappear come morning. Never knowing why she left, he's about to learn the truth and have his world completely turned upside down. Alternate Universe, Futuristic, No Supernatural, Established Handon, Holarke Endgame. Loosely based on Heart's "All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You."

4. Chapter 4

I own nothing but my own words.

---

Chapter Four

---

This chapter is dedicated to hopanscurse on Instagram in honor of their Birthday, July 16th! I'm so glad I met this incredibly talented and sweet person! Here is part one of your gift! Love you!

---

"Are you ready to begin your adventure into Pangea?"

Ryan looked down at James, sitting in his lap, who was staring around in apt wonder as he listened.

A week had passed since the funeral and kindergarten would start the following week.

Hope wanted to take James to something fun before school started to help take his mind off things. They did some research and Ryan found the perfect thing.

A Dinosaur Safari Park.

A new one opened recently near their location. The dinosaurs, of course, weren't real, but they were nearly life size. The park gave them 'survival' packs and scavenger hunt items to look for as they drove slowly—at about five miles per hour—through a safari of dinosaurs. They would play an audio tour using the car's Bluetooth connection to the app on Hope's phone. There would be places to stop at each safari check point so they could be sure to see everything and even 'help' a dinosaur family along the way. Since the rear mirrors wouldn't open all the way, they decided James would sit up front with Ryan when they arrived. Hope would drive.

They hadn't told James where they were going until they got there. The second his eyes fell on one of the dinosaurs at the park entrance, his face lit up and his excitement proved contagious.

As they listened to the audio of the 'park ranger' introducing them to the park while waiting for their turn, Ryan's eyes met Hope's. She was smiling too. It was the first time in a week that he had seen a real smile on her face.

She was trying, but he could tell she wasn't doing well.

After she broke down the night of the funeral, she stuck that brave face on again and tried to get on with life. But she was just going through the motions, moving as woodenly as she had the day of the funeral.

He was worried about her.

Seeing her smile was like a breath of fresh air. He didn't know how long it would last, maybe only the duration of the safari tour, but he was glad to see some kind of breakthrough.

James' excitement notched up to a solid twenty out of ten when they could finally enter the park. They came to the first checkpoint and James started pointing and bouncing. His exclamation over each dinosaur made it hard for them to hear the audio, but they just started it over again since none of the audio clips were too long. A lot of the history of dinosaurs and their movement over time before the earth broke into continents were recited, information that Ryan had gleaned long ago from things James told him. James, once he settled down enough to listen, absorbed every word like he was hearing it for the first time.

Hope manned the scavenger hunt list, helping to mark off each item once James spotted it—whether it was a specific kind of dinosaur, bird, or plant indigenous to those times.

Ryan, of course, manned James so he didn't try to climb out the window in his excitement.

Then they arrived at the triceratops check point where one of the staff was holding what 'appeared' to be a baby triceratops wrapped in a blanket. The staff member brought it up to the car window for James to touch.

James was so excited he actually went quiet because he was so overwhelmed. He petted it in amazement. His mouth and eyes open wide.

"How does it feel?" Hope asked.

"Like a couch," James said, still moving his hand.

Ryan was grateful at the patience of the staff member who didn't immediately move on but continued to let James explore.

"You mean like leather?" Hope said with a grin. "Like the white couches at home?"

"Uh huh," James nodded. "It's cool! Daddy, feel it!"

Ryan froze.

James reached for his hand, clasping to hold it and drag it up so Ryan could pet the dinosaur too.

Ryan moved his hand slowly, his mind shutting down as he had no idea what that meant.

James called him "Daddy".

Had he made a mistake like the time in first grade Ryan had accidentally called his teacher "Mom" by mistake? Was he remembering and missing Landon? Ryan just didn't know.

He glanced at Hope.

She heard it too. Her eyes looked glassy.

"It's cool," Ryan finally forced the words out.

The staff member moved on to the next car but Hope didn't drive forward yet. He knew she needed a second.

"James," Ryan smoothed down his hair gently. "You know my name."

James nodded. "But you're my Daddy. Daddy said so."

"When did he say that?" Ryan asked softly, forgetting to breathe.

"He said when I can't see him no more, you're Daddy," James said. "I just forgot. Ryan, are you my Daddy?"

They hadn't discussed how to tell him. They knew it would have to happen eventually, but Ryan wanted to wait until some time passed before springing it on him.

But it didn't matter because Landon had already handled it. He handled it in a way that James would understand, and in a way that let them know he approved of Ryan and trusted him to always do right by James.

It was a miracle James managed to retain the information at all, but he would be turning five in a few weeks and had already proven to be quite intelligent for his age.

"Yes," Ryan said firmly, meeting the eyes that were so much like his mother's, and so much like his own. "I'm your Dad."

James grinned ruefully before growing thoughtful.

"But where did Daddy go?" he asked

Hope had already answered that question for James a few times, but he sometimes needed to hear the answer again.

"Remember when everyone was at the house?" Ryan decided to answer this time. "That was us saying goodbye to him."

"But why can't he come back? Doesn't he want to?"

He knew Landon answered that, but, once again, James needed to hear it more than once.

"He would be here in an instant if he could," Ryan replied. "Sometimes things happen that we can't stop. He's at peace now. One day, after you've lived a long life and gotten really old, you'll get to see him again."

"How will he know it's me if I'm big?" James asked.

"Oh, he'll know. He's really smart."

"He is!" James grinned. "He knows the names of all the dinosaurs like me!"

"Really?" Ryan said, "Tell me their names. What's that one?"

He pointed out the window knowing darn well it was a velociraptor but he needed to get James back on track.

He also needed Hope to calm down. She was staring down at the steering wheel, the curtain of her long hair blocking her face, but her shoulders were shaking. She had moved to the next stopping point, but she hadn't played the next audio.

"Velociraptor!" James exclaimed, pointing. "Look! It's almost as tall as you!"

"It's actually taller," Ryan said, reading one of the signs. "Most are around six foot eight. I'm only six foot one."

"Will I be that tall one day?" James asked.

"Maybe."

"Cool! I could be tall as a velociraptor!"

Cool, Ryan thought with a smirk. Looks like we found James' favorite word of the week.

Sending up a silent word of thanks to his brother, missing him even more, he held James a little tighter as they continued through the park. He kept glancing at Hope but even she had managed to get back on track, at least for the remainder of the safari.

When it was over, he offered to drive them home as he buckled James in the back in his booster seat once again.

She said no.

He figured focusing on the road kept her from getting lost in her grief.

He was right.

---

Hope made it through the drive home, and she made it through dinner. She also made it through James bouncing around the house with his dinosaurs, repeating everything he remembered from that day despite knowing she and Ryan had been with him the entire time.

Listening to James' chatter as he gushed about everything he remembered was one of her favorite things.

She loved how well he was developing and knew he was going to excel once kindergarten started.

Remembering something Landon told him like that, it made her wonder if Landon had told him more than once. It also made her wonder how James managed not to say anything before now.

But mostly it made her think about Landon and how amazing he was to her when she didn't deserve it.

Guilt.

Guilt trekked through her emotions something fierce lately.

Ryan took James up for a bath and bed as she picked up a few things around the house since the housekeeper didn't work on weekends.

He was such a godsend.

Ryan Clarke.

She honestly wasn't sure how she would have made it through without him. The funeral was hard. Holding James close had helped, but that was only during the ceremony. Once they returned home, she threw herself into her hostess duties. She made sure the canapés were filled at all times. She passed out drinks. She spoke with as many guests as she could. Everyone came to offer condolences. She thanked them graciously, but she couldn't wait for it to be over.

Everyone left, and she thought Ryan had too, but no. Instead, he followed her upstairs and held her. He let her cry on him.

He was there for her when no one else was. She hadn't asked for anyone's help, maybe she didn't feel like she should have help, but she needed it.

He was there every day since too. Going home, he would arrive at some point during the day. With the summer coming to an end, and the reason for his leave of absence gone, he returned to work. Life went on after all, but he always checked in with her during the day and he always came to the house in the evening to spend time with James.

Today, on the weekend, Ryan wanted to take James to a dinosaur safari.

It turned out to be the best thing for all of them, but she still couldn't stop the waves of guilt.

The ones that made her sit shakily on the couch and bow her head in her hands as the tears started for what seemed like the hundredth time. Usually she could wait until she was alone but not that night.

"Hope."

Her name, said so simply. He could say a million things to her just by saying her name or looking into her eyes.

The connection between them, the one that had always been there, it was stronger than ever.

Not that it mattered anymore.

She looked up at him but that only made the tears worse so she looked down again.

"Tell me," he said gently.

"He's gone," she started. Her throat sounded clogged but at least she could speak. The silent tears trailing down her face was another story. "He's gone. And I knew it was coming. I told myself to prepare. To say and do what I had to do so it wouldn't hurt as much, but it was all a lie. It hurts. Not just the pain but all the guilt too."

"Guilt?"

"All those things I said to you about staying with you, it's what I really felt, and then this time with the kiss, with you needing to be the one to make it all stop. How horrible am I that while taking care of him, while he was dealing with dying, I was also dealing with my feelings for you? Worse yet, he knew. He knew, but he never held it against me. Especially at the end. He still loved me. How?"

"When you love someone, you can forgive them for anything," Ryan said softly.

"I didn't deserve that, not after what I did," she said.

"It's not about why he could forgive you," he said. "It's about whether you can forgive yourself. If you can do that, the guilt won't hurt as much."

"I don't know if I can do that," she said, realizing he was right.

"Try," he said simply. "Remind yourself every day that he forgave you. That he didn't hold it against you. That he loved you and would only ever want you to be happy. He told me that, you know? That he just wanted you to be happy."

Hope smiled through her tears.

"Only Landon Clarke could speak from beyond the grave," she said. "My happiness and yours…"

She trailed off remembering the moment James told them what Landon said.

"I wasn't expecting it," Ryan said. "I hope it'll make things easier for James. Only time will tell."

"It was still nice," she said, "hearing him say it."

"Yeah," he said with a little smirk. "It was."

"Thank you," she said. "Thanks for all that you've done for us. I'm not saying I'll get past this any time soon…but talking it out, it helped a lot."

She didn't think it was possible for him to be even more perfect, but he was.

Funny how admitting that didn't make her feel guilty at all.

---

When James started kindergarten, Ryan was a nervous wreck.

He figured Hope already went through it last year when James started pre-school which was why she was so calm. Fortunately, Hope sat back and let Ryan run the show. She had been to the school enough to know James was in the safest hands. Ryan just needed to see that for himself too.

Ryan needed to know everything. He wanted to know the teacher, the principal. He wanted to know how to contact them, make sure they knew how to contact him. He wanted to see the classroom, the bathrooms. Where would James eat? What would he nap on? How clean was everything? How did they make sure no one else could pick him up?

He didn't care that it was an expensive prep school that was supposed to be the best. He wasn't taking anything for granted. He practically spent the entire summer with James right next to him. If they were going to drop James off somewhere to spend six hours of his day without either of them, he wanted to know everything.

They went to the school two days before kindergarten started for a sit down with the teacher. Miss Lana answered everything patiently and showed Ryan anything he wanted to see. James was with them so he could take in his new classroom and meet his new teacher. He hung onto every word Ryan said, taking in every detail of their conversation.

On James' first official day, Ryan went with Hope to drop him off. He arranged to go into work late.

To Hope's surprise, James clung to Ryan. James had never been a very clingy child, not unless he was sick or something was bothering him.

Ryan picked James up when he wrapped his arms around his leg and refused to go into the classroom.

"What's wrong?" he asked as Hope stepped forward to feel James' forehead.

"You don't feel warm," Hope said, glancing at Ryan.

"You're gonna come back?" James asked, holding onto Ryan.

Hope's breath caught, realizing what was bothering James. He knew he was going to be left at school without them. He knew she would always come back for him, but since Landon had 'left' him, he was worried Ryan would too.

"Yes," Ryan said, gripping him closer. "I'll be right here to pick you up after school."

Hope glanced at him. He was already going into work late. She knew he couldn't just get away that easily. The plan was for her to pick James up from school.

Ryan nodded at her over James' shoulder. He would make it happen. It meant pushing a meeting later, which meant it would probably be a late night for him, but if James wanted him to pick him up from school, he would.

He hated working late. Most days he went straight to Hope's after work. Three months later, and he was just as obsessed with his son as he knew he would always be. He wanted to see him every day. Whenever he had to work late, he didn't get a chance to see James before he went to bed. He always called on those nights so he could talk to him and tell him he loved him.

At least he got to drop him off to school and pick him up on his first day.

After that, Hope dropped him off every morning. Ryan picked him up sometimes, but once James adjusted to his new schedule he relaxed enough that Ryan didn't have to make his personal assistant pull his hair out with consistent last minute schedule changes. James got used to Ryan coming over most evenings.

They all settled into a routine. Ryan knew eventually something would have to give. He wasn't with Hope romantically and had already decided nothing further would happen between them—he respected his brother's memory too much for that—so going to her home every day after work probably wasn't the best idea. But how else could he see James every day?

Ignoring everything that told him he shouldn't, he found himself spending every evening with both her and James, including having dinner together. Sometimes she cooked, sometimes he ordered in, and sometimes the housekeeper cooked before she left. It depended on Hope's schedule.

He continued to learn more about Hope than he ever had before.

"What did you do today?" Hope asked James once they settled down to dinner one night.

"The letter D!" James said loudly. "Miss Lana said I did good. Dog begins with D!"

"What else begins with a D?" Hope asked. "Just think of words with the 'd' sound."

"Dinosaur!" James said with a grin.

"Very good," Hope said, grinning back at him while taking a bite of her salad.

"I know my favorite word that begins with D," Ryan said.

"Daddy!" James giggled.

"That would be the one," Ryan smiled with a gentle side smirk.

"What did you do today, Mommy?" James asked.

This had quickly become one of Ryan's favorite times. Not only did he get to hear about James' day, he also got to hear about Hope's.

"I had a very important meeting," she said.

"With the Ustees?" James asked.

"The Board of Trustees, yes," she said. "We'll work on that when you learn the letter T."

"How many letters are there?" James asked.

"Twenty-six," Hope replied.

James started counting that high on his fingers but once he got up to twenty—the highest he knew to count to—his eyes went wide.

"That's a lot," he said.

"Not too many," she said with a wink.

"What kind of board?" Ryan asked, curious.

"Yes, Mommy, what kind of Ustees?" James repeated.

He was doing that a lot lately. Holding onto Ryan's every word, and sometimes repeating it. It made Hope smile at the way James soaked up everything about Ryan, down to his words and mannerisms.

"For the hospital," Hope explained. "We voted to expand the pediatric unit. Now we just have to find the money for it."

"Fundraise?" Ryan asked. "You do a lot of that, don't you?"

"Yes," she said, "Which is why I'm glad I have a shareholders meeting tomorrow. There's a big vote this year, so I'll see some old friends, make some new ones. Then send invitations to every single one when the event is held."

"Shareholder?" Ryan asked, surprised. Trust fund, yes, he knew about that. Charities and committees, he knew that too. But he didn't know she was so hands on with investments.

"You sound surprised," she noticed.

"You're a shareholder," he said.

"In a lot of very profitable companies actually," she said. "I'm not going to expand the trust fund doing nothing but volunteer work, am I?"

No. No, she was not.

She was out there saving the world, but she actually knew how to support herself to do it. At least he didn't have to worry about them financially ever, but… thinking about it made him realize he had seriously neglected one very important thing.

Child support.

Just like he still needed to discuss custody.

He made a mental note to speak with his lawyer. He wanted a ball park figure on child support. Everything he should have already provided, and what he should provide going forward.

"Daddy?" James asked. "What you do?"

"Well… a subsidiary of the conglomerate I work for is being sued," he said.

"What's sued?" James asked, his face twisting in concentration as he asked about the easiest word he could repeat. The other ones were too big for him.

"They think someone did something wrong so they are asking for money to make it right," Ryan explained as simply as possible.

"Happens all the time," he continued, more for Hope's benefit. He didn't think James really understood most of what he was saying. "I'll be searching for something to prove them wrong, or get them to settle. Sometimes it's easier to just settle."

"I bet," Hope laughed, knowing it sometimes took more money to drag court cases out than to just offer a flat sum and be done with it.

"Can we watch the movie now?" James asked as he pushed the last of his green beans around on his plate.

"What do you want to watch?" Ryan asked.

"I'll go look!" James said, taking that as the excuse he needed to stop working on the vegetables to run into the den.

"What do you think?" Ryan asked her.

"About the movie? All this law talk, suddenly I'm in the mood to watch Legally Blonde," she laughed.

"Haven't seen it," he shrugged.

"What self respecting Ivy League lawyer hasn't seen Legally Blonde?" she fake gasped.

"I didn't know it was a requirement," he laughed. "Also, I'm an attorney."

"Oh, well in that case…" she teased.

"We could watch it," he said.

"It's not really something James should see," she said. "I was teasing. But now I'm very curious to know your thoughts on the bend and snap."

"Bend and snap, huh?" he said.

"Maybe I'll show you one day," she said with a smirk as she rose to clear the table.

Was she flirting with him?

He hoped not.

---

Ryan thought the play group was a bit high energy, but that was nothing compared to a birthday party for a five year old.

Hope planned the entire thing so Ryan didn't have to do anything but show up and bring presents.

Ryan arrived early, before most guests arrived, but Hope put him to work getting James ready. One excited birthday boy was difficult to get dressed in the outfit his mother wanted him to wear. Ryan finally agreed to give him one of his gifts early but only if he stopped wiggling around so he could put his shoes and socks on.

By the time Ryan made it to the back patio, most of the guests had arrived. Every child from James' kindergarten class was invited and most came with both parents, as well as a sibling or two.

James made a beeline for the main attraction—the giant bounce house in the middle of the yard.

Ryan looked around in amazement. Hope had really gone over the top.

Balloons, streamers, blow up dinosaurs, blow up Marvel figures. Did he just see a clown? With an involuntary shudder, he looked back at James.

Hope's friend, Maya, was at the entrance to the bounce house making sure each child knew the rules before they entered, and also making sure they took off their shoes.

Ryan shook his head as he watched James take off the shoes he just got him to put on.

Keeping an eye on the bounce house the entire time, he went to find Hope.

"No pony rides?" he joked when she finished greeting someone and took the gift from them.

"Not this year," she shook her head and smirked. "Maybe next."

"I was joking," he said. "But you weren't kidding when you said you didn't need my help. This is great."

"I'm glad you like it," she said, grinning as she added the gifts to the designated table.

"Should I keep an eye on him at the bounce house?" he asked.

"It's up to you," she said. "But Maya is there now, Lucia and some other parents are going to take a turn too."

"I gotta ask," he said. "Marvel?"

"It's time!" a male voice behind him said.

Turning around, he came face-to-face with Rafael for the first time since their brother's funeral.

"Okay, okay," Hope nodded like she was giving in. "As you can see, Raf, I fully support a Marvel phase."

"Does he even know what that is?" Ryan asked, curious.

Rafeal shrugged with a smile, "He will."

"So you say," Hope teased. "I think the dinosaurs will live on a bit longer."

"Why can't he love both?" Raf said.

"I didn't say he can't," Hope replied. "I just won't hold my breath."

"Daddy! Daddy!" James called out as he ran to Ryan, excitement flushing his little cheeks.

"Whoa," Ryan said, reaching out when he knocked into him. "Not so fast."

"You gotta come bounce!" James demanded, gripping his hand. "It's so cool!"

Ryan allowed himself to be dragged off, wondering if the bounce house was sturdy enough for a grown man.

"Cool is apparently his favorite word," Hope said to Raf as she watched them go.

She glanced at Rafael and saw the ashen look on his face as he stared at Ryan walking away with James.

Wincing, she reached for him.

"I don't know what Landon told you…" she started.

Raf shook his head.

"It's a party," he said. "We can talk about that some other time."

She figured if Rafael knew nothing, he would have demanded an explanation for James calling Ryan 'Daddy'. Since he didn't want to talk about it that probably meant he knew something of the true story.

She just didn't know what he knew.

---

Hours later, Hope said goodbye to the last guest then went searching for the chocolate and pizza covered love of her life.

She found him in the bounce house with Ryan.

"When was the last time you ate?" she asked James when she peeked her head inside.

"Cake!" James exclaimed before bouncing, twisting around, and landing on his side with a giggle.

"That was it?" she asked, knowing that was over an hour ago.

"Yes!" James squealed as Ryan picked him up and started swinging him around.

"Thank goodness," she mumbled to herself as she watched the two of them play. She was very adamant that no child was allowed to bounce for at least thirty minutes after they ate. That was one mess she did not need that day.

Rafael hadn't brought up the subject again, and she was grateful. She would wait until he came to her about it, knowing he would when he was ready.

As far as she knew, Lucia and Walt didn't hear James say it. They seemed like their usual selves: doting on James, entertaining guests, and thoroughly supporting her through it all.

She wasn't sure how to tell Landon's parents the truth.

Telling Landon five years ago had been hard enough, but telling his parents that the five year old they had loved for years wasn't biologically Landon's? She didn't know how to do it.

"Mommy, bounce!" James called out.

Hope debated for half a second before kicking her boots off and climbing onto the swaying floor.

Nothing like playing with her son to help her escape from her problems a little longer.

Ryan jumped with James in his arms and deliberately fell on his back, James sprawling across his chest.

James squealed with laughter.

"Again!" he called out.

"It's my turn!" Hope said, reaching to pick James up off Ryan.

She stepped back and tried to spin around with him, but she lost her balance almost immediately. She landed on her butt right next to Ryan with James giggling.

Ryan was struggling to sit up, grinning like an idiot himself. He hadn't been in a bounce house since he was probably seven, and he never spent that much time in them. Earlier, all the kids had crawled all over him or begged to be tossed onto the floor of the house. Once again, he was the only parent playing with the kids, but James wanted him there, so he didn't care. There might be time later to schmooze with the other guests, and he probably should be interested in getting to know the parents of his son's friends, but why bother with that when it was his son's birthday?

The first birthday celebration he got to share with him.

James crawled off Hope onto Ryan.

"Mommy fell!" James giggled.

"Not for long," Hope said, laughing as she struggled back to her feet, grabbing onto Ryan's shoulder to stand.

"Let's see how long she can last this time," Ryan said to James with a smirk.

"Bounce, Mommy!" James called.

Hope jumped from one side of the house, across to the other. When she landed, she started to fall again but jumped once more and the next time she landed she tried to stay up by keeping her feet spread further apart.

"The trick is to never stop," Ryan said, as he climbed back to his own feet, swaying.

"So now you're an expert?" she said before she squeaked when she started to slide.

"Bounce!" James called out as he started to bounce in his spot.

All three of them bounced. Hope didn't even bother trying to stop again. She kept going, laughing with James and Ryan as they tried to see who could stay up the longest.

They were all quickly becoming out of breath. James' squeals and giggles were the loudest as he tried to bounce into his parents to get them to fall.

Hope tried to bounce away from James so she didn't fall over him and ended up colliding with Ryan.

Ryan tried his best to stay upright, but between her momentum and his lack of balance, he lost the fight and fell on his side with her landing across his legs.

James bounced over and landed on top of both of them.

"I win!" James giggled.

"Oh, he's a little trickster," she said to Ryan, pinned on top of him by their son.

"Someone's gotta teach him a lesson," he said breathlessly.

She looked over her shoulder to make sure she wouldn't hurt James when she moved, then she rolled, making James fall off onto the bouncy floor.

"Tickle attack!" she called out, before she started tickling his tummy.

He squealed and tried to roll away but she wouldn't let him.

"No, you don't!" she said as she switched to tickling his sides.

"No tickles, Mommy!" James said.

She stopped.

"You're right, it's your birthday after all," she grinned mischievously as she glanced knowingly at Ryan. "No tickles, just… kisses!"

She then smothered him in kisses, loving the way he giggled.

"Daddy! Help!" James squealed, trying to squirm away.

That was one request Ryan could never ignore.

He sat up, reached out to grab hold of Hope's sides, and tried to pull her back.

"Traitor!" she huffed, trying to wiggle away, making them all bob around with the wobbly floor. She pushed at his hands and switched from kisses to blowing raspberries on James' stomach.

James laughed at the feeling as he tried to get away.

"Daddy!"

Ryan shifted gears and started tickling her.

That got the instant reaction he wanted.

She immediately pulled away from James and flinched as she squealed just like James had.

"No!" she breathed out, jerking as she tried to get away.

James rolled away once he was free.

"Mommy's ticklish!" he said with a familiar smirk.

"He's free!" she cried out between her laughter and pants. "He's free!"

"Should I stop?" Ryan asked James, returning the smirk.

"No!" James jumped up and down as he encouraged his father.

"Yes!" Hope huffed before she used the bounce house momentum to push at Ryan and turned the tables on him.

She managed to flip him to his back and landed fully on top of him. She grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the floor.

Both breathless, they stared at each other, slowly realizing their position.

Ryan forgot about everything but her.

Why did it still feel so natural to have her pressed against him? There shouldn't be anything remotely sexy about this situation, especially not when their son was right there. His reaction wasn't even completely sexual. It just… felt natural, like she was supposed to be in his arms. This was the closest they had been in five years, excluding the night of the funeral, and it shouldn't still be like this.

She shouldn't still have this power over him.

Hope watched the emotions cross his face, knowing a million things ran through his mind. This was the first time he had given away that he might not be completely over her.

Was there still something there?

"Get off," he said softly so James wouldn't over hear.

But his face said everything his voice didn't.

Annoyance. Anger. Disgust.

Whether it was at her or at himself, it didn't matter.

He spelled it out for her.

No.

There was nothing there.

---

She couldn't allow herself to get mixed up in her emotions when it came to Ryan.

Ryan was only in her life because of James.

She knew that.

He told her that.

Plus, she just lost her husband.

She couldn't confuse Ryan comforting her through her grief with anything else. He was just an amazing human being who was helping his brother's widow adjust to life without said brother.

And it was way too soon to even contemplate anything else. She knew grief. She was very much familiar with it. She understood the need to reach out. She didn't want to make an even bigger mess with Ryan, not when she was still too mixed up in her grief and pain to make wise choices.

Not that there was anything to make a decision about.

Ryan had already made the decision.

Just like he had made some other decisions in the week following the birthday party.

"What's this?" she asked, looking down at the check in her hand, eyes wide at the amount.

"I spoke with my lawyer," Ryan said, sitting back in his seat, relaxing knowing James was down for the night.

He finally had time to meet with his lawyer the previous day.

It was time.

"He said that figure should be fair for any back child support," he said.

"Ryan, you didn't know," she said, her fingers shaking slightly.

Lawyer.

Things had been going well for a while now, but she knew this would happen eventually. She tried to prepare, but she wasn't ready. Would she ever be ready?

"And we're fine," she said, pushing the check across the table at him. "We don't need this."

"He's my son," he said. "Whether I knew about him before or not, he's still my responsibility. Put it away for him. Do whatever you want with it. Now that I know about him, I will be providing for him."

"Let me guess," she said, not meeting his eyes. "He had a figure for that too."

"Just let me know where you want me to send it," he said.

She nodded stiffly.

"I will," she managed. "Anything else?"

Like she didn't already know.

"Yes," he said.

"Is this the part where you tell me you're suing for custody?" she said, finally meeting his eyes while digging her nails into the table.

"Nothing like that," he said, frowning in confusion. Why would she think he would do that? "I don't want to sue for anything. I would rather we make an agreement between us."

"What do you want?" she asked, bracing herself.

"I know what I don't want," he said. "I don't want to be an every other weekend dad. I see him nearly every day, and I love that. I don't want to lose that."

She nodded. She understood that. The idea of not seeing James every day broke her heart too.

"I usually come over every night for dinner with him, to spend time with him, put him to bed, and unless you have a problem with that, I don't want to stop," he said. "But I do want him with me in my own space."

"What do you propose?" she asked.

"That I pick him up after school every other Friday and have him the entire weekend," he said. "I'll drop him off to school on Monday morning."

He wanted alone time with James. Time without her.

Not much of a surprise.

"So…" Hope said. "He stays with just me every other weekend and you don't come over at all?"

"I…" Ryan trailed off. That would mean three days every other week he wouldn't be able to see James. "I guess."

She could read the reluctance in his face. He didn't want to give that up, but he was going to compromise.

She would compromise too.

"How about he stays with you every other weekend, but it's okay for either of us to come by?" she suggested. "Just call first in case we have plans?"

He thought it over. It wasn't the greatest plan in the history of plans, but at least he would have James with him. He could live with it.

"Is that something I should get in writing or…" he asked. He knew he was going to have to, he was just pretending it was her decision to make. They may be on good terms now but anything could change in an instant.

"We can have our lawyers draw something up for us to sign?" she said. "I'm not going to stop you from seeing James, and I agree to your arrangement."

"I'll see to it," he said.

"It'd probably be easier if you just stayed with us," she suggested with a hollow laugh knowing it was a stupid idea but why not offer? They had plenty of room.

"I'm not moving in with you, Hope," he refused.

"Not me, with James," she clarified.

"This isn't my home," he said.

Hope realized there were only two main differences between his place and hers.

First, that she wasn't there, which she already knew.

Second, he couldn't really invite certain people over.

Her stomach dropped suddenly.

The idea of him seeing someone, of him being with someone, tortured her more than she wanted to admit.

She struggled to swallow past the lump in her throat then rose from her seat.

"I'll have my lawyer contact yours," she said. "Leave his name and number on your way out."

She left the room without saying 'good night'.

Ryan watched her leave, thinking that went better—and worse—than he thought it would.

She agreed to everything he wanted.

But their relationship had changed.

It was good though.

It was what he wanted.

Right?

---

A month passed with their new arrangement.

Ryan turned his second bedroom into a room for James.

It had mostly been used as an office where he took his work home with him, something he didn't do all that often any longer. Not since his life gained a new purpose in the form of a rapidly growing little boy.

The first weekend on their own, he picked him up from school and they went shopping to decorate his room.

James wanted dinosaurs, but he also kept eyeing the Marvel stuff.

When Ryan noticed, he had to laugh. Rafael must've gotten to him. He wondered what Hope thought about that.

Pushing away that thought, he decided to get both bed sets. It wouldn't hurt to have a second set on hand in case of an accident. Being a parent made him realize he had to be prepared for anything.

James was okay the first night. Spending the night at someone's house wasn't new to him. He visited his grandparents and his uncle often enough that it didn't bother him. The second night was where the problem came in. James got restless and wanted to go home.

Ryan quickly learned that the best way to go about his time with James was to wear him out. If James had a day bustling with activity, he was more likely to fall asleep without any issue. Of course, that meant Ryan was worn out too, but sleeping in his own bed knowing his son was just down the hall helped him sleep easily.

There were a few bumps in the road, but James adjusted to spending every other weekend with Ryan pretty well.

For Hope, that first weekend she managed to stay away except to FaceTime James each day. She missed him fiercely, but she didn't want to smother Ryan. The arrangement could be changed if it wasn't working for either of them.

With free time on her hands since James wasn't home, she wasn't sure what to do with herself at first. She ended up contacting family, making some long overdue phone calls, then got her nails done and hair trimmed and touched up since she hadn't been in way too long. All of that took up half a day.

Then inspiration struck. She realized what she needed to do.

Landon's illness had knocked some of their plans off track.

Now, though, she could carry on herself.

She just had to make a phone call.

---

"Mommy!" James cried out as he ran from the kindergarten line toward her one Friday afternoon.

"Slow down!" Hope reminded him.

It didn't stop him from colliding with her legs though.

"Mrs. Mikaelson," Miss Lana said, walking to greet her as the kindergarten aide stayed with the other children.

"How'd he do today?" Hope asked, resting her hands on his shoulders.

"Great with his lessons," the teacher said. "He didn't get much of a nap though, so fair warning."

Hope nodded, sighing inwardly. Since he didn't get his usual nap, he would want to go to bed soon then wake in the middle of the night ready to run and play. Except it was Ryan's weekend. She was only picking him up from school because Ryan got stuck at work late. Ryan would get him from her house later.

She would do her best to keep him awake but she was sure that meant the afternoon wouldn't go well for her.

She was right.

James managed to spill juice from his after school snack all over his outfit.

It wasn't a big deal, except he was tired and cranky which led to a full fledge tantrum at being wet which got even worse when she tried taking the clothing off of him.

Hope patiently tried all the usual parenting techniques.

"Do you want to take your shirt off, or do you want me to do it?"

Giving him options sometimes helped.

"Noooo!" he flailed as he screamed.

"No, you don't want to do it?" she asked. "Or no, you don't want me to do it?"

He shook his head and stomped his feet, flailing his body around next.

She sat on her knees across from him and waited while he flailed.

Sometimes all he needed was a few moments to get it out.

When he started pulling at his shirt with little success, she tried to help.

Instead, he tugged away from her, shrieking because she dared to help him.

"If you want the shirt off, you're going to have to do it if you won't let me help you," she said, knowing by now logic wasn't going to work.

"Don't want you!" he shrieked. "I want Daddy! I want Daddy! I want Daddy!"

"Daddy isn't here yet," she said calmly, knowing he wasn't trying to be mean. Her baby was just tired. "He'll be here soon."

"Daddy's coming?" he asked through his sobs.

"Yes," she nodded. "So why don't we get you cleaned up for Daddy?"

"Okay," he said with a small hiccup.

Breathing an internal sigh of relief, she got him changed as quickly as possible.

The relief was only short lived.

No sooner had she gotten him dressed—with shoes and socks back in place too—then Ryan arrived. Long since given a key, he let himself in knowing they were waiting for him.

"Hey, thanks," Ryan said to Hope.

She nodded, rising to her feet.

"Ready to go?" he asked James, noticing the traces of tears and splotches belatedly.

"Noooo!" James started shrieking and flailing again.

This time he threw himself against the side of the couch and flailed his hands against the seat before kicking with his feet.

Ryan looked at her. It wasn't the first time James had a tantrum, but it didn't happen often.

"He didn't get his nap today," she said, going to sit on the other side of the couch.

James started kicking his shoes off.

"James—" she winced when one of the shoes finally released and went flying. "Daddy's here. You said you wanted Daddy."

"Not that Daddy!" James shrieked. "I want Daddy!"

She flinched and glanced at Ryan. His lips were pressed together. She hoped he was okay.

"I want Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" James cried again and again, still flailing until he ended up flinging himself on the floor.

"He's gonna need a few minutes," she told Ryan.

She could see it in his face. He was getting emotional. It was the first time she saw him lose him composure since Landon's death.

He nodded silently and headed toward the kitchen.

Usually he stepped right in, doing anything necessary to take care of whatever was happening with James. That he walked away told her something was very wrong.

Two problems, but she could only take care of one at a time.

James was tired, and he needed to cry it out. Eventually he would wear himself down and fall asleep.

She shifted forward and sat next to James on the floor. She attempted to rub his back, but he shrugged her away with a wail.

So, she sat quietly while he cried.

The only thing she could do was be there for him.

When he finally fell asleep, she picked him up. Instead of his room, she laid him on the couch and covered him with a throw blanket. She paused to stroke his head softly.

She loved him so much. Sometimes she couldn't believe how blessed she was to have him. She never knew she could love something as much as she loved him.

Taking another deep breath, she went to find Ryan.

Ryan was sitting silently at the dining room table with head in hands much like he had once found her.

"He knows you're his dad now," she said, approaching him and hesitating before she touched his shoulder. "He just… forgot for a moment."

Ryan shook his head and dropped his hands, looking up at her with red-rimmed eyes.

"How much did losing Landon traumatize him?" he asked tightly. "I'm not upset he wanted Landon. I just don't know how to help him."

One more thing she could add to the list of things that made Ryan Clarke amazing. His son was screaming for a father that wasn't his own; and, not only did he understand, he was worried that James was acting out because of grief. He was upset because he thought James needed help and he didn't know what to do.

"Do you think we should take him to see someone?" Hope asked. "A child psychologist maybe?"

"Do you think that?" he asked.

"I think he didn't get a nap today and he threw a tantrum," Hope said. "I think he misses Landon, but he's been doing great otherwise. But since you are worried, we can talk with someone. Find out if they think he needs to talk to someone. Or maybe just get advice on what to do differently?"

"I do," he said. "I want to."

"Then we will."

---

"I don't think James needs to talk to anyone except for the two of you," Doctor Greene said.

The woman had an opening the following week in the evening, so Hope scheduled it for both of them. They spent the first ten minutes explaining their circumstances.

She asked Rafael to watch James.

"Keep the line of communication about Landon open for him," the doctor continued. "Encourage James to talk about Landon. Whatever questions James has, answer them truthfully. He already knows Landon isn't coming back but always reinforce that Landon didn't leave him because he wanted to. Don't be afraid to take James to the gravesite. Show him where Landon is laid to rest. Let James know its okay to ask to visit Landon. While Landon isn't really there, it will help James to have somewhere to go when he wants to feel closer to him"

While Hope listened, she kept her eyes on Ryan.

He absorbed every single word.

She felt something shift inside of her and knew it was her falling for him even further than she already had.

The love he had for James, the worry and care written across his face, the fact that they were sitting in that office—he was trying to be the best father he could be. She didn't think he already knew he was the best father. She needed to tell him.

"Also," Doctor Green continued. "Don't be afraid to let him see you grieve. You all lost Landon. It won't hurt him to see you sad too. It'll help him know he's not alone."

That part got to Ryan. She saw it in the way he shifted.

It was uncanny the way she could still read him.

The only time she couldn't was when he deliberately closed off from her.

This wasn't one of those times.

In the car after the appointment—they traveled together—Hope started the car but didn't take off immediately.

"James is going to be okay," she said. "We already do half of what she said. The other half we can do easily."

"Can you?" he asked, remembering how much she mourned Landon's death. Could she actually talk about him? Could she visit his grave? Could she do what the doctor said to do? He had seen her hide her grief countless times.

"Can you?" she returned the question.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean…" she met his eyes. "You were there for me the entire time. You helped me through the worst of it. Yes, I hid it from James, and despite what she said I think that was best then. Now, I think I can do it without breaking down. But I haven't seen you mourn at all. And it's okay. You don't have to show it to me. I know we're not like that. But I have to ask. Have you mourned?"

He wasn't sure he ever really had. Even the day of the funeral, he had a single minded focus on her. She was right. For all that she hid her grief from James he had pretty much hid his grief from everyone, including himself.

"You all knew him much longer than I did…" he finally said.

"He was your brother," she said. "You're allowed to grieve. You should grieve for all the wasted time when you didn't know about each other and for the time you could've had. Time that was stolen from you … you're not alone anymore, Ryan. We're here when you need us. I'm here when you need me."

Her words hit him square in the chest.

He hadn't had anyone since his mother died, not really.

But now she was telling him that not only did he have James but he had her.

He had a family.

It was completely unconventional, but it was his.

He had given her every indication he didn't want anything more from her than their co-parenting relationship so he knew her words weren't coming from a place of misplaced romantic feelings. This was her telling him she would be there for him despite everything else.

"You should know," she continued. "Everything we just did? Everything you've done since you walked into his life? You're a good father, Ryan. Never doubt that."

He swallowed thickly.

How did she know the exact right words he needed to hear?

Since James' tantrum, he worried he was doing a million things wrong. He realized he didn't know what he was doing. Hearing her words, it was nice. It was reassuring. He wondered if all parents had someone to tell them that.

"You're a good mother too," he said finally.

She smiled at him and he acted before he thought, reaching out to take her hand.

Feeling his hand against her palm was unexpected but she went with it, slowly threading her fingers through his, the warmth of his touch flooding through her.

"Thank you," he said softly.

He should let go, but he couldn't resist holding on a bit longer.

"You're not alone anymore, Ryan."

Gripping her hand tightly, he remembered the moment, over five years ago, when he opened himself up completely to her, revealing his deepest most vulnerable self by sharing his greatest dream.

To not be alone.

Whether she remembered or not, she had made his dream come true.

He wasn't alone.

---

Picking up James from Rafael's went smoothly.

Ryan climbed out just as James came running through the front door with Rafael right behind him.

"Don't run!" Rafael called after him as he rushed down the stairs, shaking his head in amusement.

"Daddy, look!" James said, holding up a familiar tall figure.

"Iron Man," Ryan said with an amused smile.

It looked like Uncle Rafael had taken James to the toy store some time after they dropped him off.

"Thanks," Ryan said, meeting Rafael's eyes.

Raf nodded.

Ryan noted that Rafael's smile didn't dim quite as much as it usually did whenever he was forced to speak to Ryan.

Should he consider that progress?

Either way, it would get dark soon so they had to go.

Buckling James into his booster seat, he cleared his throat.

"We're going to a special place," Ryan said, glancing toward Hope up front who nodded.

"Where?" James asked.

"Your other dad," Ryan said. "You know he went away and can't come back."

"Uh huh," James nodded. "He didn't want to go."

"Even though we can't see him," Ryan said, pausing as he forced the emotions back long enough to get the words out. "There's a place we can go when we want to visit him."

James sat up straighter.

"I wanna go," he said.

"So do I," Ryan said. "So let's go visit Landon."

"Just remember," Hope said from her seat as Ryan closed James' door and climbed back into his front seat. "We can't see him, okay? You understand, right, honey?"

"Yes, Mommy," James said solemnly.

Hope glanced at Ryan before she put the vehicle into drive.

They were both worried this would go horribly wrong.

Miraculously, it didn't.

They led James to the grave. They read the words on the tombstone out loud for him. They explained that all of the stones were places where other people's families and friends had been laid to rest. None of those people wanted to leave either, but death was a part of life that everyone had to accept.

Death.

For the first time, they used that word with James.

The psychologist said to be honest with him.

Hiding from the word was as bad as hiding their sadness.

Neither of them had a problem showing James their grief.

Hope did better than she thought she would. She treated it like a learning experience for James at first. The emotion came once she finished speaking.

For Ryan, the emotions hit the moment he saw the tombstone.

Landon, his brother, was gone, and he only had three short months with him. During that time, he learned that his brother was a good man, husband, and father. He was a good brother. He accepted Ryan despite terrible circumstances. He trusted him. He forgave him.

Ryan felt the dam break inside.

"Daddy?" James asked, reaching out to touch his cheek, or rather, the path that a tear had made when it slipped out.

Realizing he was still squatting next to James as they stared at the tombstone, he decided to rest a knee on the ground. He wasn't going to pull away. James needed to see this, and it was long past time for Ryan to grieve.

"Sad?" James asked.

Ryan nodded.

"I miss him," Ryan told him.

"Me too," James said.

"It's okay to miss him," Ryan said. "When you miss him, let me or Mommy know. We'll bring you for a visit. All you have to do is ask."

"Okay," James said.

They stayed a little longer.

Ryan suspected it was for his benefit. Hope kept sending worried glances his way. She knew he needed this and didn't want to cut their time short.

The dwindling daylight eventually encouraged them to move on.

---

After that, life, as always, continued.

They incorporated the things the psychologist said, and James was doing well. He still had his moments, but what child didn't? He never demanded Landon again during a tantrum, but he did ask to visit the grave a couple times a week at first after school. Both of them were more than willing to take him.

For Halloween, James decided he wanted to be Spider-Man.

"It's starting," Hope said when James made the announcement.

"It's been happening for a while," Ryan laughed. "I'm pretty sure Rafael shows him a different movie every time he sees him."

"Some of those might be too much for a five-year-old to understand," Hope said, frowning.

"Relax," Ryan said. "Anything he doesn't understand, he'll just ignore and move on."

"Why Spider-Man anyway?" she asked. "Everyone knows Captain America is the best."

"Which one?" he asked.

"Any of them," she said.

"James," he decided to ask. "Why Spider-Man?"

"Webslingers!" James called out, excited.

"Now you know," Ryan told her.

"And are you going to be the one to tell him his costume probably won't let him sling actual webs at people or swing from one rooftop to another?" she asked.

"I was thinking we could save that one for Rafael," he replied.

She laughed.

"I like the way you think."

---

Ryan returned to her house with James the Saturday following Halloween. It was her weekend, but she had something to do during the day so she asked if James could spend the day with him. He, of course, agreed in a heartbeat, and since she didn't mention James spending the night, he brought him home later.

James ran to play with his toys while Ryan paused in the kitchen doorway.

Hope already returned from her errand and Rafael was with her. She hadn't mentioned that the other man would be accompanying her. Not that she needed to, it wasn't any of his business. He was curious, but she would tell him later if she wanted to.

Ever since they met with the psychologist, their relationship had changed again.

They were about as close to friends as two people could get after once being lovers and sharing a child together. She was literally the person he spent the most time with aside from James. They had grown even more comfortable around each other. Sometimes he forgot that they weren't actually together. When he first met her, he felt like he had known her all his life. After getting to know her even further, that feeling had quadrupled. That's what happened when you spent every evening with the same person.

He was sure whatever plan she had that day, he would hear about it sooner or later.

Or maybe not.

The instant Hope and Rafael noticed him he felt like he walked in on something they didn't want to share with him.

"Ryan!" Hope said brightly. "How'd it go?"

"… Good," he said, his eyes moving back and forth between them. He was suddenly in no mood to talk about their trip to the playground.

"Great," Rafael said, standing up. "I gotta jet."

"I'll see you out," Hope said, standing too and shuffling some papers into a folder.

He noticed she carried the folder away with her.

What was going on?

It wasn't his business, but that didn't stop him from wanting to know.

"I always thought he was a little bit in love with her."

Landon told him that before he died. It hadn't mattered to Ryan. They were only words. The words that followed had always been more important.

"But she only ever saw me… until you."

Though, they shouldn't have mattered.

This was ridiculous.

Nothing was going on with Hope and Rafael. Hope had something important to do that day and she needed Rafael to do it with. And the papers? Even further proof of nothing. Something important was happening with Hope, something she had shared with Rafael and not him, but that was all it was.

"Thanks for taking him," she said from behind him.

He turned around.

"Sounded important," he said with a shrug, knowing he was fishing for details.

"It is," she nodded then went to her bag at the counter to slip the folder away. "Are you staying for dinner?"

"So…" his face relaxed into its natural smirk. Months ago he wouldn't have asked, but things were different now. They were different now. "Not going to tell me what that was about?"

"Not yet," she said, turning from the counter and heading for the fridge. "I think Bridget left a casserole for tonight."

"But you will," he said.

"Ryan," she huffed and looked at him.

"Hope," he said with a mocking huff to impersonate her.

"Fine," she said, though it appeared she was holding back a smile. "You want to know what today was about?"

She glanced around, noted James playing quietly in the den, so she marched back over to her bag and pulled out a pamphlet from inside the folder.

"Here," she handed it to him. The smile she was holding back burst forth.

He had never seen her so happy and excited before.

He looked down and read the title.

"This is an adoption agency," he said, shocked.

"Yes," she said and plucked it out of his hand, looking it over again with the excitement still showing in her face. She was practically bouncing.

"You're adopting a baby?" he asked.

"That was the plan," she said. "Back before Landon got sick. We both went through the program. We were licensed to foster since any potential child would have to be fostered before the adoption went through." She remembered how relieved she was when Landon immediately said yes when she broached the subject of another child, this time through adoption.

"So now you're doing it anyway?" he asked, his mind racing as he tried to understand the magnitude of what she was undertaking. How would it affect all of their lives? How would it affect James' life? "What about James?"

"Yes," she nodded, tucking the pamphlet away again. "I don't need to be married. As for James, it would be the same if I were to remarry and have another child. He gets a sibling. I've always dreamed of a big family. It's the one thing I want most in the world. Landon knew that."

The idea of her remarrying wasn't one he liked to think about. Nor, was her having another child… with someone else.

"I didn't," he said. "You never once mentioned it. Not five years ago and not recently." He was stung by the knowledge that he told her what mattered most to him but she never returned the favor even though he thought she had.

"I didn't know I had to tell you," she raised an eyebrow in amusement. "Ryan, this is my life. This has nothing to do with you."

And there it was.

The heart of the matter.

"Besides, you're the one who once told me my greatest dreams were possible," she quoted. "And only I can make them happen."

"It is possible," he agreed with that at least. "But now? Is now really the best time?"

"Why not now?" she asked. "The plan was for a baby which could've taken years. But since I'm doing it alone, I'd rather a child closer to James' age. That was what today was about."

"You needed Rafael for that?" he asked.

"Rafael knew mine and Landon's plans," she said. "Any child of mine will always be family to him. He came along for support."

Of course Rafael knew everything. There was so much Ryan still didn't know, even though he thought he did.

"I'm here all the time," he said finally.

"Ryan, I told you, this isn't about you," she reminded him.

That wasn't what he was saying. What he was trying to say was…

"It's my family too."

Her smile grew softer.

"That doesn't mean you get a say in what I do," she said almost apologetically.

That wasn't what he meant either.

"I know that," he said. "Why didn't you tell me? That's what I don't understand. It's not my decision, but it does affect me. And you didn't even tell me what you were thinking." He thought they were friends at least. Didn't people talk to their friends about these things?

"I'm telling you now," she said.

"Because I insisted," he said. "You were both keeping it a secret when I walked in. Why?"

"It wasn't a secret," she said. "I was planning on telling you after James went to bed if you stayed for dinner. Tonight."

Oh.

It didn't make him feel any better.

Just when he had fallen into a routine, one he was comfortable with, she turned the tables on him again.

He understood why she was doing it. He maybe even admired her for it. But he felt…

Left out.

Which was a shitty way to feel given their circumstances. She was right. She didn't have to tell him what she was thinking before the decision was made. She could do whatever she wanted. They weren't married. They weren't even together. They didn't make those decisions together.

The only decisions they made together concerned James.

This other child would be hers alone.

She wanted to make her dreams come true and she was doing it by herself.

He couldn't fault her for that.

"Are you staying for dinner?" she asked again while pulling plates out of the cupboard.

"I'll stay," he said, forcing the words out.

"Good," she said, grabbing a third plate. Then she hesitated. "Though, I guess I should ask now. Did you want to take him for the rest of the weekend? Swap?"

When the weekend was already half over?

"Why?"

"Rafael wants to take us camping next weekend," she explained. "He hasn't had a chance before now, and James hasn't gotten to go this year. He wants James to have fun memories of camping like he and Landon did growing up."

"Isn't it too cold for that?" he asked, frowning for a number of reasons.

First, it was the beginning of November. It was definitely too cold in Virginia for anyone to go camping, especially a five-year-old.

Second…as much as he hated having the thought… he didn't like the way Hope spending time with Rafael made him feel. He went with her to the adoption agency, and now they were going to camp alone in the woods with a five-year-old for company? One whose bedtime was eight o'clock every night?

Third, how was he supposed to make a decision about this when he was still reeling from her previous news?

"We're going to use the camper, stay on a campground," she explained. "So, not in the middle of the woods. We'll build a bonfire. Plus there's a generator, with lots of fuel. The camper will stay warm at night, and we'll have plenty of blankets. It's only for one night."

Knowing he was going to regret it, he couldn't stop the words if he tried.

"It's my weekend, so I guess I'll be going with you," he said. He didn't want James to miss out. He could swap weekends, but he didn't want to… just in case.

He knew he was being paranoid.

He was also wary of the whole camping thing.

Bears hibernate for the winter… right?

---

While camping in November wasn't anything at all like Ryan envisioned, it still wasn't his favorite thing.

The camper meant they weren't sleeping outside on the hard ground at least.

The morning started pretty well, if a bit awkwardly.

Rafael picked them up from Hope's bright and early.

The camper was a pull behind trailer, and he had a pickup truck that he used to haul it. The truck had two rows, so Ryan sat in the second row with James in his booster seat. Rafael drove with Hope up front.

They spent most of the travel time playing the "Alphabet Game" for James. They started with "A" and looked around for anything they saw that started with the letter "A". It could be in the truck or outside as they drove by. They went through the rest of the alphabet after that. The game kept James engaged and it broke the ice for Ryan, at least.

Ryan had never spent any real amount of time in Rafael's company. The other male didn't act like he minded having Ryan along, so he took that as a good sign.

They all had fun with the game, especially when they were searching for "Q" and "X". Rafael even looking around, asking, "Where's a quail when you need one?"

Hope randomly pointed at the sky, "Quail!"

"No, really?" Ryan glanced up to try to see.

"I'm not saying it was a quail," she laughed. "I'm not saying it wasn't one either."

"What's a quail?" James asked.

"A type of bird," Ryan supplied.

Pulling into the campground, Ryan was actually happy to see some signs of civilization. The place had a main lodge that sported indoor bathrooms, a game area, and a small shop. As they drove further and further away from the main lodge though, Ryan got antsy.

Rafael finally pulled into a spot that felt more isolated than Ryan was hoping for. It turned out they were parking closer to where the hiking trails began.

Thus began Ryan's first adventure into camping.

Ryan, being extra paranoid, dragged out a hefty backpack to carry.

"You're bringing all of that?" Hope asked, seeing him shrug it onto his shoulders. "Didn't you get my list?"

He asked her for a list of things he should bring along since he never went before. He may have added a bit more than she suggested.

"Just a few extra things just in case," he said.

"What's that?" she asked, noticing a canister that was pushed into a netted outside pocket of his pack.

"Bear spray," he said.

She laughed before she could stop herself.

"Ryan, you do know the only bears in Virginia are black bears, right?" she said.

"And if they come near us, I have the spray," he said.

"They'll be hibernating pretty soon anyway," Rafael interjected as he helped James zip up his heavy coat.

"The spray works on cougars or anything else too," Ryan defended.

Hope smiled but let it be. There was no use in telling him cougars went extinct in Virginia over a hundred years ago. The only wild cats found nowadays were bobcats, and that was only in the mountain areas. They definitely wouldn't be climbing any mountains that day.

"Ready to go?" Rafael asked, rising and taking James' hand.

"Yes!" James exclaimed, jumping, excited to get started.

Hiking wasn't that bad, but Ryan knew his only saving grace was they took easier trails since James was with them. They kept to mostly flat areas, but what they saw was beautiful. Hope stopped at certain points along the way to take photographs of particularly spectacular views.

They walked and talked a lot, especially Hope and Rafael who took the time to point things out to James and to Ryan. Ryan was especially glad to be shown any poison ivy to avoid, not that anyone had any exposed skin.

James took great delight in repeating, "Leaves of three, let it be!"

Just when Ryan was beginning to wonder how much longer they would be walking, they veered off the main path to a secondary trail that led to the side of a gentle flowing river.

"This is a good spot," Rafael declared after scouting the river bank.

"A good spot for what?" Ryan asked, glancing at Hope. It was November so he knew they weren't swimming.

"You got the collapsible fishing rod I put on the list, right?" she asked, removing her own much lighter pack to unzip and pull out hers.

Oh.

"Right," he nodded.

A return to fishing actually felt nice. He hadn't gone since that last time with Landon, but it reminded him of that time. Maybe he should go one weekend morning by himself.

Fishing from a river bank was very different from a boat or pier.

For one, the line had to be cast out upstream since it would make its way downstream and need to be retrieved to do it again if nothing was caught. For another, they all couldn't do it at once in case the lines or baits got tangled with each other

Rafael avoided that altogether by getting the three of them setup, and then walking further up the bank to cast his line.

Ryan wasn't sure why they were bothering to fish in the middle of a hiking trip, but he figured it out soon enough when he actually caught a fish.

Rainbow trout were the only fish that would be close enough to the surface in Northern Virginia in November to catch, so he wasn't surprised when he reeled one in though it was bigger than he expected. It had to be at least four pounds.

As he went to unhook it and prepared to release it as him and Landon had always done, he was startled when Hope reached out from where she was helping James and grabbed his shoulder suddenly to stop him.

"If you want to eat, don't let it go!" she exclaimed, grinning.

"What?" he asked, confused. "Me and Landon always caught and released them."

"Because that was for fun," she said. "Out here, we eat what we catch."

He stepped back and looked at the fish flopping from where he gripped the mouth.

"Then what do I do with it?" he asked.

"Give it to Raf," she laughed.

He went to do just that.

"Good one," Rafael said with a smile when he took it from him.

"Thanks," Ryan replied, glad to be rid of it, but also relaxing a little further because of Rafael.

He hadn't detected one iota of hostility from him all day, and Ryan was honestly a little shocked. After their first meeting, he would have staked odds Rafael would never like him. As James' uncle, he knew Rafael would always be a part of James' life thus always making him a part of Ryan's life. Knowing that Rafael wasn't going to make that association difficult, at least not so far, was reassuring.

Not that he and Rafael would probably ever be more than polite acquaintances for the sake of James, but it was nice to know they could do a family activity together without Ryan feeling like an intruder in Rafael's eyes.

That was how they ended up hiking back down the trail a little while later—after they caught another two smaller trout and rested a bit—with Ryan eyeing the row of fish strung up on Rafael's pack.

The beady fish eyes were slightly disconcerting.

But at least he wasn't the one carrying them back.

Ryan and James ended up watching, one a bit disgusted the other completely fascinated, as Rafael cleaned and prepared the fish while Hope set up the cook top at their camp site.

After lunch, Ryan had a bit more fun.

Rafael led them to a playground in another area with a horseshoe pit close by. James quickly grew bored with the horseshoes and ran off to play with other kids while the adults continued.

"So, is camping what you thought it would be?" Hope asked Ryan as Rafael threw a shoe. She kept an eye on James as she asked her question.

"Sort of," he shrugged, keeping an eye on James too. "Less bugs. So far anyway."

Rafael laughed as he turned to move out of the way for Hope to take her turn.

"Just wait for summer," Rafael said. "All the bugs you want."

"Can't wait," Ryan said with forced cheer.

"Sorry we couldn't find a bear for you to scare away," Hope laughed after she took her turn.

"I'm good with that," Ryan reassured them.

They all laughed as Ryan stepped up to take his turn.

Ryan managed to get the closest to the pole, winning the round.

"Not bad, Clarke," Rafael said.

Ryan smirked as he walked over to pick up the shoes.

That was the second time that day Rafael complimented him. Ryan relaxed even further at that point.

Hope was momentarily distracted, watching Ryan bend over to pick up the metal rings. Shaking her head, she looked back quickly at the playground.

"What's after this?" Ryan asked. "I mean, hiking, fishing, now back here. Are we going hiking again?"

"Maybe tomorrow morning," Hope said thoughtfully, staring at James in the distance as he slid down a slide. "There's a place I'd love to show you."

"On a trail?" he asked.

"Yeah, but it's a little too much for James," she said. "That's why we came back after only a few hours. We stuck to flatter trails too."

"You two can go," Rafael said as Ryan handed off one of the shoes to each of them. "Leave early and you'll probably be back a little while after James wakes."

"Are you sure?" Hope asked Raf.

"Yeah," Rafael shrugged as he tossed his next shoe.

If Ryan held any further suspicion that something might be going on between Hope and Rafael, those thoughts fled when Rafael suggested they spend time alone together.

"You know the place she's talking about?" Ryan asked.

"Yeah," Rafael said with a glance at Hope. "I know."

"You'll like it," Hope told Ryan.

"Maybe not the hiking part," Rafael teased him.

"But it's worth it!" Hope said as she pushed Rafael.

"Yeah, it's worth it," Rafael confirmed to Ryan.

"And you don't want to go instead?" Ryan asked, wondering if he was up for real 'adult' hiking.

"Nah, man," Rafael laughed as Hope tossed her next shoe. "I'm good."

There actually was more planned for later. The campground had a large outdoor amphitheater that they usually used for a nature guide to talk to the kids and anyone who wanted to learn more. Since it was too cold to sit on the stone seat ledges, and there were so few people, they held the nature talks inside the lodge.

Which meant another 'hike' to the main lodge, but they took their time.

"So we parked so far away for the trails, but you wanted him to come to the lodge all along?" Ryan asked. "Why not park in between?"

"Because there's more activity and things might get a little rowdier closer to the lodge," Rafael said.

"Rowdier?" Ryan asked.

"Most people camping out here didn't bring kids," Hope said. "They came to get away."

"Have a couple beers," Rafael explained further. "No one's allowed to get too crazy, ground rules. But I'd rather keep James away from that."

Ryan completely agreed and for the first time wasn't as annoyed about being further away.

The nature guide gathered the children in an open area at the lodge to talk about the woods and trails, and all the things that could be found out there: birds, trees, plants, creatures.

James listened attentively to the little educational show along with the other children.

Hope shared a smile with Rafael when they saw Ryan listening just as much as the kids were. She had learned a lot about Ryan in the past few months, especially how paranoid he could be. He sought out the facts to be prepared for anything and drew conclusions from that. No wonder he made such an amazing lawyer—sorry, attorney.

James had always been a lot like that too. Now she knew where he got it from.

She stared at Ryan as she got lost in her thoughts so she noticed belatedly Rafael was looking at her from Ryan's other side. He caught her staring.

Flushing slightly, she turned back to pretend to listen to the nature guide.

Rafael had never brought up Ryan to her, not even to talk about James calling him 'Daddy' at his birthday party. She figured it was up to him to broach the subject since he was the one to put it off. She wondered if that conversation would be coming soon.

It actually came sooner than she thought it would.

Later, as they roasted hot dogs for dinner followed by s'mores—yes, she lied to Ryan about fishing to eat, they had other food in case they didn't catch anything—Ryan was digging some marshmallows out of a bag to put on a stick for him and James when he noticed a raccoon near by.

Without thinking, Ryan threw the bag of marshmallows at it to scare it away.

"Really?" Hope said as she watched Ryan pick up James and beeline for the camper door. The raccoon was busy tearing into the bag to grab at the marshmallows before running away itself.

Rafael burst out laughing.

"It went away!" Hope called out as she tried to hold back her laughter too. Ryan was worried, but there really wasn't anything to worry about. "You can come out now!"

"Daddy, I want to make s'mores!" James said as Ryan looked out the window to make sure it really had gone away.

"There was a raccoon," Ryan explained. "Just give it a minute."

"It's really okay!" Hope called again as she went to pick up what the raccoon left behind. She threw a marshmallow at Rafael as he kept laughing. "Stop."

Ryan finally opened the door and James slipped through before he could stop him.

"Can we roast marshmallows now?" James asked, picking up one of the sticks.

"Actually, no, honey," Hope said, wincing as she chucked the rest of the marshmallows in the trash. "We only had one bag and the raccoon got into it."

"But, but—" James looked up at Ryan. "I want to make s'mores!"

"The store at the lodge probably has some," Rafael volunteered the information.

Ryan sighed, knowing it was his fault and he should walk to get more.

"I'll go," he said. Then he looked around suspiciously.

"Take the bear spray," Rafael tried to say with a straight face. "It works better than marshmallows."

"Hush," Hope said to Rafael.

To Ryan, she said, "They just scavenge for food. The sound of human voices will probably scare them away so they won't bother you especially the closer to the lodge you get."

"Yeah," Rafael nodded. "Sorry for laughing. I've just never seen someone throw marshmallows at a raccoon before."

"I've never actually seen a raccoon before, so guess I'll check that one off," Ryan said, wondering if there was enough time to walk to the lodge and back before it was pitch black. It was dusk now.

"I can get marshmallows with you!" James declared, putting the stick down.

"Are you going to protect him from the raccoons?" Hope asked with a smile.

"Uh huh," James nodded solemnly as he went to take Ryan's hand. "Let's go, Daddy!"

Hope watched them walk away, smiling at the way Ryan kept looking around.

"I'm surprised he agreed to go," Hope laughed before settling back into her seat by the fire.

"Same," Rafael said, settling back too.

"Today's been fun though," she said. "I'm glad you found the time. And thanks for letting him come along."

Rafael shrugged, "He's technically family now, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is," she agreed.

"How'd he take the adoption news?" he asked.

"Okay, I guess?" she said. "Shocked. Worried about James. Couldn't understand why I wanted to do it now. Wasn't too happy I hadn't mentioned it to him sooner. But he's good now. He doesn't have any other choice anyway."

"It's not his decision," Rafael agreed.

"Nope," she shook her head.

"This kid won't be his," Rafael pointed out.

Hope looked at him.

"You never did get around to asking me about what James said at the party," she said, raising her eyebrows.

"I figured some things out since then," he shrugged.

"You weren't pumping a five-year-old for information, were you?" she asked.

"Maybe," he laughed.

"Landon told him to call Ryan that," she said anyway, just to clarify.

"Yeah…" he trailed off before asking suddenly, "You're in love with Ryan, aren't you?"

Hope looked at him, eyes wide, with denial at the back of her throat.

Where had that come from?

"I know," Rafael finally said.

"What do you know?" she managed to ask.

"Everything," he said. "I'm not just one of Landon's brothers. I was his best friend. I've known the truth since before James was born."

"You never said anything or…"

"Treated you differently?" Rafael asked. "He asked me not to."

"And your parents?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"He didn't want to lie to them, but he didn't want to tell them the full truth either," he said. "He told them you guys were pregnant but saw a specialist at a fertility clinic since he couldn't have kids. So they knew part of the truth at least."

She absorbed that. Landon never talked to her about those little details. He only said he never wanted it mentioned again that the baby wasn't his. From the minute he declared James was his, there was no other discussion about it. Was he so embarrassed by what she had done he felt he had to lie to his parents? The guilt struck her deep again.

"He needed me to know, though, because he needed someone to talk to," he said. "Before he died, on that damn in-home hospital bed, he told them, 'Surprise!' Turned out the donor at the clinic was Ryan, his actual brother, what are the chances?"

Hope involuntarily scoffed.

"Yeah," Rafael agreed. "I'm pretty sure they didn't believe any of that. It sounded way too fishy. But they went along with it because he wanted them to, because he was dying and they were devastated and just wanted to reassure him. I was there when he told them though. They realized the same thing I did. Whatever the actual truth, he was trying to protect you."

She breathed out shakily.

Hearing her, his face softened.

"They love James and he will always be their grandchild, but he didn't want them to turn on you when they learned the truth," he said. "They figured out that much at least. I wasn't the only one who heard James call Ryan that at the birthday party. They didn't ask, though they may still—you know they can't always keep their mouths shut, especially Mom—but they won't shut you out. They're always going to be a part of both of your lives. James will always be their grandchild."

"Good, because they're the only grandparents he has left," she said, feeling her eyes sting. She never doubted their love for James. She was glad she wouldn't have to reveal the truth to them though. Landon had really thought of everything, hadn't he? He did what he could to make things easier for all of them. He thought of her until the very end.

"And just like the child you're looking to adopt will be calling me Uncle?" he said. "Him or her will be their grandbaby too. Don't worry about that."

"How can you be so forgiving?" she asked softly, feeling a tear escape. "You and Landon."

"No one's perfect," he said. "And we wouldn't have James, and… everything happens for a reason, right? You're family, Hope. Even when you screw up, you're still my family. So, I could forgive you. I forgave you. Period."

Hearing his words of forgiveness helped her more than anything with her guilt. Knowing everything Landon had done to show her how much he forgave her and tried to protect her, it helped more than she could say.

Rafael smiled softly at the look of gratitude on her face.

"You're question before…" she whispered, referring to him asking if she was in love with Ryan. "I… think maybe I might be."

She cleared her throat

"It doesn't matter though," she was quick to say. "It's way too soon after… and he doesn't feel the same. He deals with me because of James, but he could never forgive me."

"And he's here because he can't get enough of camping is what you're going to say next, right?" Rafael asked, amused.

She had to smile.

"Hope," he began. "Landon loved you more than anything, except maybe James. But he also knew you. You don't enter into anything lightly. You've never been impulsive. So what happened five years ago? Deep down he knew what you weren't saying. He knew you loved him, but he also knew Ryan was more important to you than you let on. I'm not exactly jumping up and down about the idea, but when you're ready, when he's ready? Just be happy. That's all Landon ever wanted for you."

She felt a weight lifting knowing that Rafael supported whatever she wanted to do. Ultimately, it didn't matter because she and Ryan would probably never be on the same page again, but at least she didn't have to feel as if she were doing something wrong by having feelings for Ryan.

Because feelings? She did have them for him. And they kept drawing her eyes to him even after he returned with James and the coveted bag of marshmallows.

Those feelings made her heart melt just like that marshmallow as she watched him patiently help James roast it then messily build a s'more with chocolate and graham crackers.

Later, as Rafael told a story around the campfire about bears, Ryan held James on his lap. James was resting back against his father's chest as Ryan rested his chin gently on his son's head.

Hope couldn't help herself. She pulled out her camera and photographed the perfect scene. That one would make her heart smile for many years to come.

---

Ryan was having problems sleeping.

Sleeping in a camper was not fun unless you had dibs on the actual bed.

Hope and James were given that.

For him and Rafael, they hunkered down in built-in bunk beds. Ryan was on the bottom. It was an extremely thin mattress and, with nothing but darkness hovering above and around him, he was feeling too closed in. He couldn't even turn over without crawling out of the bunk, turning over, and scooting back in to the small space. He definitely couldn't stretch his six foot one frame out fully either.

He gave it a good thirty minutes, hearing the sounds of everyone else falling asleep around him. James always slept quietly. He couldn't hear anything from Hope either. Rafael, while he didn't snore loudly, definitely could be heard slightly. He was the only one still awake.

And he couldn't take the darkness anymore.

Slipping a bit ungracefully out of his spot, he dragged the thin mattress out too and found a good enough place on the floor to set up 'camp'.

Feeling much better, he stretched out, staring at the ceiling which he could make out slightly because of a tiny light toward the bed area designed to keep them from tripping if they had to use the restroom in the middle of the night.

As he struggled to settle down, he questioned why he insisted on coming along and putting himself through this.

But he knew.

He was jealous.

He was also an idiot.

He needed to stop. Hope wasn't his. She had never been his and he needed to accept that she never would be. That meant someone could eventually step in at any time—someone who would get to hold her and love her…and experience the pleasure to be had in her arms. Pleasure he was all too intimately familiar with.

He mentally kicked himself. He shouldn't still be thinking about that night. Familiar wasn't five, nearly six years ago. He wasn't familiar with her intimately at all anymore.

He shouldn't still want her.

But he did.

He knew how she felt about him. She made no secret of it since they first reunited. If falling into his arms didn't say it loud enough, her actually saying it the following day made it quite clear.

Even when she was still mourning and struggling weeks after the funeral, she confessed that her feelings for him made her feel guilty. She never once spoke in the past tense. He knew if he changed his mind and told her he wanted to be with her, she would be his.

But he couldn't do that.

Not when he felt as guilty as she did.

Not when he wanted to respect Landon's memory.

Not when he couldn't forgive her.

So, he would push away any jealousy. There was no room for that in their relationship. They were friends who shared a child. Changing anything could make that, make his family, fall apart. And then where would he be?

Morning dawned far too soon, glaring harshly into his eyes when he felt a nudge and tried to open them.

When had he fallen asleep?

"Rise and shine," Hope whispered. "We can start the trail before the sun comes completely out."

"Too early," he groaned.

"C'mon, sleepy head," she said with a soft smile. "And be quiet. Don't wake James."

He finally got himself together, dressed quickly, and left the camper as quietly as possible.

"About time," she said outside as he shrugged his pack on.

He frowned when he realized it felt lighter.

"I took out what you don't need," she said as she handed him a breakfast bar. "No use carrying all of that up hill."

"Up hill?" he repeated.

Up hill, indeed.

Ryan wasn't out of shape. He worked out regularly at the gym in his office building, and sometimes at the one in his condo. But that was different from hiking up hill trying to keep up with Hope, who was definitely in much better shape than him.

Speaking of shape, staring at her behind while he followed her up the trail probably wouldn't help his internal resolve from last night.

"Only a little further," Hope said at one point when they paused to take a break.

"Right," he said, glad to stop, shrugging his backpack off to set on the ground so he could really rest. He leaned against a small tree and relaxed for the moment.

"Wait, is that…" she squinted at something behind him. "Ryan, don't move!"

He froze in place.

"What is it?" he moved his eyes to look at his backpack on the ground.

How fast could he grab the bear spray? Fast enough so whatever it was—please don't be a bear—wouldn't grab him before he could spray it?

"Shh, just stay really still," Hope whispered as she walked closer to him, reaching up slowly toward his shoulder.

Was it that close to him? Or maybe it was just that small.

His mind flooded with images of snakes and spiders and ferrets and all matter of smaller creatures that could possibly be readying to attack him.

Her fingers brushed his shoulder and his breath caught as he waited to see what horror awaited him.

Face lighting up, Hope drew her hand back slowly, and right there, perched delicately on one finger was a butterfly with shimmering golden wings.

"A butterfly?" he asked incredulously.

"Shh," she quieted him as she stared at it, holding it steady hovering between their bodies. "You rarely see them this close to winter. It's probably looking for a place to burrow. Isn't it beautiful?"

"Yeah," he said, staring more at her face than the actual butterfly. "Beautiful."

She slowly reached up to the camera at her neck with her free hand. Twisting the cap off, she raised the camera, attempted to focus, and then pressed the button several times.

He humored her and stayed still until the butterfly finally flew away. He mused that it must have realized it couldn't burrow in her hand no matter how warm it was.

Warm.

She watched it flutter away then her eyes met his, catching him staring at her.

"Perfect," she murmured before breaking the moment to glance at the picture on her camera screen. "Yes, perfect."

"Okay, break's over," she continued. "Let's go!"

As he followed, they were soon surrounded by more gold. And burnt amber. And warm chestnut.

The leaves of the trees were strewn across the path, creating a blanket of autumn colors for them to walk through. The trees, with lingering leaves still attached, towered over them like a fluttering canopy.

Hope exclaimed and started taking more photographs.

"Is this what you wanted to show me?" he asked. He had to admit, the effect of the leaves falling on the trail was an incredible view.

"No," she said, "But I'm glad we came up this late in the year and could see this!"

Once Hope controlled her enthusiasm, she continued her walk.

"Weren't we almost there back at the butterfly?" he asked, feeling winded.

"If you're trying to ask, 'Are we there yet?' No," she laughed. "No, James, we're not."

"Ha ha," he mock laughed at her teasing.

When they finally arrived, he had to admit the view was definitely worth the hike.

He heard the roar of the rushing water before he saw it.

From their vantage point, they could see the waterfall from the side. The water rushed over the top and plummeted into the river below, continuing to flow even further downhill.

He realized what he was looking at was the river they fished along the day before. They were just much further down then where the water current was gentler.

Never being close to a waterfall before, he marveled at the forceful sight as the falling water hit, forming what almost looked like steam where it landed. Experiencing it was a far greater work of art than any landscape could ever convey.

The more he watched, the more he saw: the rocks at the bottom that the water gushed off of, the rock wall behind the fall that was worn slick and smooth over time.

He wasn't sure why the view took away his breath. It was only water and rock… but there was something magical about the beauty and power of nature, something he had never fully appreciated before.

"What do you think?" Hope asked, stepping closer to him and speaking loud enough for him to hear.

His eyes connected with hers and he felt that mystifying spark that had drawn him to her all those years ago. The magic of the place and that moment completely flooded his senses and he didn't speak as he lost himself in her eyes.

"Ryan?" she said, staring right back, recognizing his look, recalling how he once regarded her as if she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

His eyes slowly dropped from her eyes to her lips, remembering how warm and intoxicating the taste of her was, wanting to have that again. To taste her again. To know her intimately once more.

By some sheer force of will, he pulled himself away before he gave in to temptation and kissed her.

"It's nice," he forced the words out as he looked away and stepped back.

"Nice?" she asked, feeling disappointed, knowing he was feeling something, maybe even the same magic she was feeling, but had closed himself off once again.

"Yeah," he said, shifting his backpack. "Were you going to take photos before we go back?"

Yeah. Yeah, she was.

---

Torturing himself all week by going over the moment by the falls again and again but changing the ending each time was not a good idea.

And yet, each evening after he played with James or helped him with homework and ate dinner with him and Hope, he would return to his condo and go to bed with those very thoughts clouding his mind.

Fantasizing of giving in and kissing Hope left him tossing and turning. His mind melded the made up images together with the real ones and left him uncomfortable and unsatisfied as he fell into restless sleep.

He was driving himself a little insane, which was his only excuse for finding himself at Hope's house the following Saturday without calling ahead as usual.

It was her weekend since he insisted on accompanying them camping instead of swapping, but his desire to see James—and her—had him making the familiar drive to her house on auto-pilot.

Letting himself in was also second nature, he was too used to it.

Walking around the first floor and calling out for them but not finding either, he headed upstairs to see if James was playing in his room.

Hearing sounds from the room across from James', he walked to the doorway and found Hope surrounded by boxes and tools. One of the boxes had already been opened and large pieces of wood and screws were spread out as Hope read over an instruction sheet.

"Hey," he said from the doorway.

Hope jumped, startled.

"Oh," she said, holding her hand to her chest. "You scared me. What are you doing here?"

"James," he said. "Where is he? What are you doing?"

"Did you call?" she asked, looking around for her phone which was on a table in the hallway.

Ryan picked it up and held it out to her.

"I forgot to call," he said.

"Ah, well, he's not here," she said, stretching to take it from him then settling back into her kneeling position.

He forced himself to ignore the way her shirt crept up to show a glimpse of her stomach when she stretched.

"He wanted to go over Raf's for, what I was told, 'A men's night, Mama,'" she said. "And, for your other question, I'm making sure the room is ready."

He looked at the boxes again, noting the brands and pictures of furniture. He realized she was turning it into a child's room.

"The agency found one for you already?" he asked, catching his breath at the speed. Would their lives really be changing that soon?

"Not yet," she said with a smile. "I still have the home visit next week, but I wanted to be prepared. I'll just do neutral colors for now. Let her pick what she wants."

"Her?" he asked.

"Or him," she said, shrugging. "I'm okay with any gender."

"So… you're going to put this all together yourself?" he asked.

"Why? You don't think I can?" she raised an eyebrow.

"I think you can do anything you put your mind to," he remarked, knowing it was the truth. She didn't shy away from anything. It was one of the things he liked about her. "But since my weekend suddenly opened up courtesy Rafael, did you want some help?"

She grinned.

"That would be great, thanks!"

Which was how he found himself rolling up his sleeves and joining her.

They worked together rather well, each looking over the instructions before diving in.

"So, what's a home visit?" he asked while they worked.

"An interview," she explained. "Before a child can be placed in a home, a government appointed social worker needs to visit the home. See the house, talk to me, and anyone who lives here or visits regularly. Which reminds me, would you be willing to answer some questions for whoever they send?"

"Sure," he agreed. He was curious about the process. Before he knew he was capable of fathering a child, he always figured if he were to marry he would be going through something similar eventually.

"What do you know about the agency?" he asked. "How did you find it?"

"I've worked with them before," she said.

"You have?" he raised an eyebrow as he held a board in place and she drilled a nail.

"Only in an official capacity," she explained. "I volunteer at a women's shelter, remember?"

"Yes…" he wasn't sure why that had anything to do with an adoption agency.

"It's happened a few times, different stories. One woman—a teenager actually—was a runaway," she said. "She had a bad family life and came of age on the streets. She ended up pregnant, didn't know who the father was. We helped her make arrangements with the state for room and board. But she wasn't good at taking care of herself and decided she had no business taking care of someone else until she figured that out. She decided it would be best to give it up. We helped her make those arrangements too."

"And… you didn't want to offer to take that child in?" he asked, curious.

"It doesn't work like that, Ryan," she said, standing with him to lift the set of drawers up and maneuver it across the floor to its place against the wall. "It was years ago, for one, but an investigation has to be done."

"Into what?"

"Whether a blood relative exists who would want to take the child first," she said. "If I tried to adopt a child who had a relative that disagreed, the adoption would never go through."

"How do you know that won't happen with the child they find for you?" he asked, knowing if she took a child in she would get attached to it and be devastated if she was forced to give it up.

"Because they know I'm fostering with the intent to adopt," she said as she dragged the last box across the floor to lay out for them. "They won't put someone in my care with any known family."

"But there's still a chance?" he asked.

"I guess there always is," she said, biting her lip. "But once I get the call, I'll go over everything to make sure that won't happen before proceeding."

She flipped the box over to open it.

"Last one," she said, grinning as she started pulling the pieces out to build the small bed frame.

He looked over the new instructions before handing them off to her to read.

"Still wondering why you didn't just order everything preassembled," he said. He, himself, had ordered James' things that way. He didn't have much time to put it together and figured the time saved was worth the expense.

"Why do that when I could do it myself?" she asked. "Plus, I wouldn't get to see you in action."

"It's a good thing I showed up," he said as he handed her the correct screws and took the wrong ones away. Once again trying to ignore how he felt when his hand touched hers. "You aren't that great at the details."

"Hey, I read the instructions, I just…" she shrugged sheepishly.

"Didn't pay attention to the details?"

"Definitely a good thing you showed up," she winked.

That smile of hers, and the teasing light in her eyes, it transfixed him.

She reached across him to pick up the drill and froze in place when she caught his gaze.

He was doing it again, staring at her like he wanted nothing more than to kiss her.

She wanted him to do it more than anything, but it had to be him. She refused to throw herself at him again, not if he didn't really want it.

When he looked away, picked up the drill she was reaching for, and handed it to her, she turned away and tried to pretend it hadn't happened.

Focusing on the drill bit, she continued working, using the sound of the drill to drown out the sudden change in the temperature of the room.

They mostly fell into silence after that, both lost in their thoughts as they finished constructing the bed frame.

He removed the big empty boxes to the hall and started putting away the tools as she un-wrapped the small mattress and laid it down in the frame.

Plopping down on one side, she grinned.

"It holds!" she said. "We did it!"

He looked around the room, taking in the dresser, end table, bookcase, cubes for toys, and the bed. Bedding, decorations, toys, books, and other accents were still to come, but any kid would be happy in this room once it was finished.

"Looks good," he said, smiling at all they accomplished together in one afternoon.

Closing the lid on the tool kit, he went to put the drill in its case.

"You forgot one," she said, standing as she spotted a small screwdriver on the floor. She started bending to pick it up when inspiration struck.

"Wait," she said, holding a hand up and turning sideways. "I did promise to show you this."

"Show me what?" he asked, rising to his feet from his crouch next to the drill case.

"The bend and snap," she explained.

He thought back quickly. Didn't she say that about some movie?

"Bend," she said as she bent over to pick up the tool.

She was positioned in a way that he could only see her profile as she bent, but it was enough. Her perfect ass hugged flawlessly by the material of her jeans, combined with her loose shirt falling forward revealing more of the stomach he admired earlier, plus catching a glimpse of the under curve of her breasts covered by the pink material of her bra all had his feet moving before his actions caught up with his brain.

"And snap," she said, standing back up to finish the infamous move that Reese Witherspoon perfected in Legally Blonde.

He reached to grasp her shoulder and turned her toward him.

She barely had time to recover from the blood rush before his mouth found hers.

Relief crashed through her as she returned his kiss enthusiastically, reaching up to pull him down closer to her.

His actions were frantic as his mouth plundered hers. He moved quickly, his hands grasped at her, moving, pulling. He was mindlessly lost to the passion coursing through him. He wanted her. He needed her. He didn't want it to ever end.

His hands slid down and he grabbed her butt, trying to lift her closer to him. He ended up backing her into the wall near the door, pressing her against it to help lift her.

She had no problem swinging one leg then the other to wrap around his waist, moaning into his mouth as he pressed against her intimately.

He groaned and reached for the button on her jeans.

She grabbed at the back of his shirt, yanking to pull it off over his head the second he started removing her clothing. They were definitely on the same page about where they wanted this to go and she was more than ready for it.

He paused long enough to let her finish removing the shirt before his hands returned to unzipping her jeans and trying to push them down.

She was going to drop her legs from his waist to help but then he got them far enough down that his hand could easily slip past her panties.

Feeling his fingers brush against her had her bucking against his palm.

His tongue slid into her mouth at the same time he slid a finger inside. Heat flooded through her and she grasped more desperately at his head. Their mouths had scarcely separated since he first began and she couldn't get enough of him.

He continued to move his finger and added another one as he pressed his thumb against her most sensitive nub. Her hips moved against him, pleasure coursing through her even as she wondered when he would remove his own pants and take her as he obviously wanted to given the bulge she felt moments ago.

Thoughts soon fled as his rhythm picked up, as did the pace of his tongue, and she clutched at him as her orgasm shot through her, gasping into his mouth and thrusting her hips hard against his hand, desperately wanting to feel him go deeper. But there was only one thing that could go that deep and fill the void inside of her completely.

Her head fell back as her orgasm made her limp and his mouth found her neck, kissing her as he pulled his hand away and pressed himself against her again.

Feeling his desire rubbing against her reassured her that more was to come, which prompted her to reach between them and grasp the prominent bulge.

"Take me, Ryan," she whispered, glancing up at him through her eyelashes.

He had every intention of doing that, just not where they currently were. He glanced around before his hands found her ass again, pulled her firmly against him, and tried to carry her out into the hall to find another room while kissing her again.

Her legs dropped somewhere along the way and he pressed her against another wall in the hall to lift her again.

Foregoing another kiss so he could get her to a real bed in a real bedroom before her legs dropped again, he finally found one of the guest rooms and fumbled to get the door open.

She noticed he deliberately avoided her actual bedroom. She didn't need to wonder why.

When he put her on the bed—or, more accurately, dropped her—and started unbuckling his belt and undoing his own jeans, she rushed to finish wiggling out of her jeans and underwear.

He was done by the time she sat up and reached to pull her shirt over her head, so he climbed on the bed to help her.

His eyes darkened as he took in her breasts, aching to be released from their confines. He bent to devour her, mouthing at the skin spilling out above the pink material. He slid his hands around to find the hook at her back, working to undo it as he continued to pleasure her breasts. Successfully removing the material finally, he tossed it away and resumed probing his reward.

She laid back and he followed, hovering above her as his mouth worked its magic. She ran her hands through his hair, clutching and releasing as he explored.

"Ryan, please," she begged as the heat threatened to engulf her. She already needed him again. She wasn't surprised. This wasn't the first time he had that effect on her.

He shifted above her again, moving his legs between her thighs, and she spread herself open for him eagerly.

Pulling himself away from her chest finally, he rose further up her body.

She shivered in anticipation when she felt him brush against her down below.

His eyes found hers before he glanced around suddenly.

He pulled back and she worried as she saw him reaching off the bed for something.

The mystery was solved when he picked up his jeans and found his wallet in his back pocket.

Seeing him remove the foil packet, she understood instantly and waited as he very deliberately rolled it on—the protection she had never once asked him for. It did nothing to decrease her need, but she knew he was wordlessly saying he wasn't taking any chances this time.

Not that she was in any position to be taking chances either.

He returned to his place between her legs and entered her, thus driving every other thought from her mind except the exquisite feeling of being filled by him once again.

The years hadn't allowed her to forget how perfectly he fit inside of her; and, having that again, it made her revel in the pleasure as he found the perfect rhythm.

"Ryan!" she moaned out.

He set a fast frantic passionate pace, one that mirrored the frenzy inside of her, and she could do nothing but scream his name over and over as she held on and let him take the lead while he carried her off into an explosion that left her seeing stars.

Clenching his eyes tightly when he found the perfect release he knew from experience could only be found in her arms, he surrendered to it, just as he surrendered to his ardor for her that started them on this path to begin with.

With the last of his energy, he disposed of the thin barrier of protection before collapsing against her again, utterly exhausted.

She lay quietly, basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking, stroking his shoulders with a smile stretched across her face.

She couldn't believe it. For the first time, she actually had hope for them, that they really could have a future together. A future filled with James and any other children they made or adopted along the way. A future where he came home to her every night instead of leaving to return to his own place. A future where she loved him, and he loved her. She knew there were some things they still needed to work through, but they could do it.

Didn't he just say she could do anything she set her mind to?

Ryan's thoughts couldn't be further from hers.

Lying next to her, absorbing the enormity of what he had done, he tried to find a way to fix it.

But there was no way to fix it. He had sex with the one person he swore he would never sleep with again. That voice inside that always stopped him from doing stupid things had been easily silenced in the heat of the moment. Once he started, there was no way he could've stopped himself either. He wanted her too much.

Wanting her wasn't the problem though.

"I could find Legally Blonde if you want to watch it," she said, the affection and amusement evident in her voice. "Or we could stay here. I wouldn't mind a repeat performance."

Cringing inside as he heard her voice, knowing instinctively she was reading everything into the situation that he wished she wasn't, he forced himself to pull away and sit up.

"Ryan?" she said.

Hearing her chant his name in the throws of passion had served to turn him on even more. Not making sure she knew his name their first time had been a mistake in more ways than one.

Just like today had been a mistake.

"I don't have any more condoms," he said, trying to stave off the impending words a little longer.

"Postmates during the movie?" she suggested. Her eyes grew teasing. Seductive even. "Or pull out."

"I can't," he said, looking away and sliding to the edge of the bed to search for his clothes.

"Can't what?" she asked, sitting up as she watched him grab his boxer-briefs and jeans to tug on.

Pulling the jeans up his legs, he stood to zip and button them before replying.

"I can't do this," he said, finally meeting her eyes.

"Can't do what?" she asked, her eyes narrowing slightly as she caught on. "What we just did? Because you seemed perfectly capable of doing it. You did do it."

"And I shouldn't have," he said, glancing around the floor in search of his shirt.

"So, what now?" she asked, reaching for a pillow to hold against her chest, suddenly feeling more naked in his presence than she wanted to feel at the moment. "We just forget about it? Pretend it never happened?"

He walked to the other side of the bed, still searching for his shirt, picking up her clothes and tossing them on the bed for her as he looked.

"It's the only way," he said.

"Ryan…" she clutched the pillow tighter, trying to understand but also feeling hollow. And more than a little devastated.

"Please, Hope," he said, his eyes showing his guilt as he pleaded with her. "Just give me this. Let it go."

She didn't want to. She wanted to cry. She would cry after he left. She couldn't believe she thought she was on the verge of him being hers forever only for him to close off again.

But she did it. She let it go.

Not because she gave up, but because she understood.

Her guilt had held her back until Rafael helped her find her way past it.

Ryan was still struggling with it and until he could work through it, nothing she said would convince him otherwise.

"Okay," she whispered.

His expression softened at her word, seeing how much she struggled to hold herself back and give him what he asked for.

"It's in the other room," she said hoarsely, willing the tears to stay back until he left.

He glanced at the doorway, wondering what she was referring to.

"Your shirt," she said. "Get it. Then get out."

"Hope…" he didn't like the way that sounded.

"I'll see you Monday night!" she said sharply, turning away. "Just get out now, Ryan. You can at least do that for me."

At least he didn't have to worry about their arrangement with James changing…yet.

He took his leave before he could say anything else to make things worse.

Cursing himself a million times a fool, he wondered how much their relationship was about to change again.

He dreaded it.

---

By Monday night, it was as if Saturday never happened.

He was relieved but also on edge as she greeted him like she always did when he arrived after work. Even after they put James to bed, she didn't mention it. He convinced himself she was only pretending until she got through her home visit on Tuesday evening. She didn't want to rock the boat while the social worker visited her home, wary of stirring up any negativity beforehand.

He was surprised the visit was scheduled so close to the holiday, but he supposed the holiday only really took up one day as he would work up until his office closed on Thursday for Thanksgiving as well. The office would be closed Friday too.

The interview process was fairly straightforward, and it was clear the woman could find no fault in Hope's home or character. By the end of the visit, Hope was even more confident and hopeful.

Surprisingly, once it was over she still treated him as if nothing happened between them.

In fact, she asked his plans for Thanksgiving.

"I should have asked sooner," she said after the woman left. "I've had a lot on my mind. We usually go to my in-laws. They have it around four, but it's not a huge gathering like the 4th. Just them, us, and Rafael."

"No plans," he replied. He didn't usually do much for Thanksgiving. Unless he was seeing someone, he rarely celebrated though a friend invited him over once in a while.

"Then come with us?" she offered.

"It sounds like immediate family only," he said, wondering if he had any business going to a Waithe family Thanksgiving dinner especially in Hope's company—though spending Thanksgiving with his son for the first time appealed to him. Maybe he could take James to a big pancake breakfast in the morning?

"I'll check with Lucia," she said, "But I'm sure they'll agree you are immediate family. You're Landon's brother after all."

Unspoken was the rest of that, the part where he was their grandson's biological father as well—something he was pretty sure they weren't aware of.

Or maybe they were.

That was the first thought that entered his mind the second Lucia Waithe opened her front door to welcome them and her eyes settled on him with a strange knowing look after she greeted Hope and James.

For the second time in less than a month, he asked himself how he got himself into a situation.

The first time was jealousy. The second time though?

It was clearly his desire to keep pretending, like Hope, that nothing had changed in their relationship. That he was perfectly capable of spending a holiday with all of Landon's family without issue.

The vibes coming off of Landon's parents were completely different from any other time he saw them. Admittedly, that hadn't been often, but the last time he saw them was at James' birthday party. Had they regarded him differently then too? Thinking back, he couldn't remember actually talking to them that day. He spent most of his time with James.

Helping out where he could, carrying dishes to the table, he tried to stay out of the way otherwise. He never felt so out of place in his life.

Walt coached Rafael on carving the turkey and Ryan remembered when the man took him under his wing to show him how to grill. That day, which seemed so long ago, was a million times better than today.

The Waithes definitely knew more than they had before, and every time James called him "Daddy" just drove that point home more and more.

The guilt he struggled with since giving into his desire for Hope came back with a vengeance as he realized it appeared to an outsider as if he were trying to replace Landon now that he was gone. No wonder they were acting so standoffish, no wonder they were regarding him as if they couldn't fathom why he was there.

He never should have come.

He was glad when they finally settled around the table to eat because it meant they were one step closer to being done and leaving.

No sooner had he loaded up his plate with a little bit of everything—no use accidentally offending his hosts further by not trying each dish—than Lucia turned up the heat.

"So, Ryan," Lucia addressed him for the first time that day. "How did you first meet Hope?"

Rafael looked up sharply and eyed his mother.

"Mom."

Ryan glanced at Hope who was suddenly looking as uncomfortable as Ryan was feeling.

"What?" Lucia asked her son.

"Not now," he said, glancing from Ryan to Hope, and then to James.

"James," Walt said, eyeing his wife. "What do you think of the mashed potatoes?"

"Good!" he exclaimed as he scooped another bite into his mouth gleefully.

"Grandma made them from scratch because she knows how much you like them," Walt continued.

"Thanks, Grandma," James said after he swallowed. "S'good!"

Lucia's slightly hard exterior melted for the moment as she gazed at her grandson with love.

"The stuffing is great too, Walt," Hope interjected, following their lead, grateful to her father-in-law for helping to smooth things over.

Ryan kept his mouth shut except to eat, trying not to consume the food too fast.

Hope kept a polite exterior but inside her emotions battled. Between her studious resolve to give Ryan what he wanted by pretending nothing had happened between them and her hope that he would eventually be able to move to a place where he could be okay with them together, she couldn't take much more.

Especially not witnessing her in-laws treat Ryan like he didn't belong.

He belonged. He should've been there all along. Not for her, but for Landon.

Rafael told her they knew most of the truth. He said Landon made sure his parents would never turn their backs on her.

But Landon never made sure they would accept Ryan.

He probably thought they already had. And with the explanation he gave about James' paternity, they shouldn't have any reason to hold anything against him.

Landon should've known his parents were smarter than that.

She should've known his parents were smarter than that. Rafael did say Lucia would probably ask. She just didn't expect her to bring it up to Ryan—and especially not in front of James.

Fortunately, Rafael shut down that line of questioning before James picked up on anything.

Unfortunately, Hope could pick up on everything Ryan was emitting. Not only did he want to leave, he was feeling guilty again. She silently cursed. He would never get past the guilt if it was shoved in his face at what was supposed to be a family dinner—where he was supposed to be family.

"I heard you got to go camping," Lucia finally said, her eyes on Ryan again.

At least this time the question was innocent, though Hope glanced at Rafael wondering if she should worry.

"Yeah!" James piped up around a bite of corn. "We walked and fished, and Daddy threw marshmallows at a raccoon!"

Lucia's eyes appeared strained even as she gave a small smile.

"That sounds like a lot of fun," she managed to say.

Hope reeled her emotions back stronger than ever. Lucia was mourning her son. Hope needed to keep it together. Of course Lucia would have questions. She resolved to answer anything she asked as truthfully as possible—when James wasn't anywhere near the vicinity.

"What did the raccoon do?" Walt asked.

"Ate them!" James said before popping a piece of turkey soaked in gravy in his mouth.

Everyone laughed, including Ryan as he felt some of the earlier tension ease.

"The trout were really biting too," Rafael interjected. "Ryan caught the biggest one."

"Uncle Raf cleaned and gutted them!" James exclaimed with enthusiasm.

"Didn't want to get your hands dirty?" Walt asked Ryan.

"It was…a learning experience," Ryan answered. One he would rather never gain hands-on experience of.

"I learned about bugs and trees and river banks and leaves of three, let it beeee!" James sing-song'd as he stirred his mashed potatoes, gravy, and corn together.

"Were there many campers?" Walt asked. "Not used to going this late in the year."

"Some," Rafael shrugged. "Even a few kids for James to play with."

"Did you like hiking?" Lucia asked James.

"Uh huh," James nodded. "Next time I wanna go up the big hill with Mommy and Daddy though!"

"Big hill?" Walt asked.

"I watched James so Hope could show Ryan the trail up to the falls," Rafael explained. "We decided it would be too much for James this time."

Lucia's eyes swept back and forth between Hope and Ryan, assessing them as she listened.

Hope always felt like her mother-in-law missed nothing. She chalked it up to her military training.

"Romantic, isn't it," Lucia said with a small edge to her voice.

Rafael put his fork down.

Hope felt, rather than saw, Ryan stiffen next to her.

"Yes, Mom," Rafael said with a matching edge to his own voice. "The falls are romantic. They're also a breathtaking view and shouldn't be missed no matter who you visit them with."

"What's romantic?" James asked as he picked up his cup, lid firmly in place, and took a sip of his juice through the straw.

"Something you shouldn't worry about until you're older," Walt said.

"This many?" James asked, putting the cup down and showing six fingers.

"Maybe a few more than that," Walt replied with a smile.

"I've got toes too," James replied very seriously.

Once again, the tension broke as everyone laughed.

"Yeah," Walt said, wiping his mouth with a cloth. "That many."

"I'm done!" James said, pushing his plate away even though he only ate half of everything on it. "Can I have pie?!"

"Wait for everyone else to finish too, honey," Hope said.

"But Uncle Raf already got more," he said, his eyes wide. "What if he gets even more? I'll never get pie!"

"Way to call me out, little man," Rafael grinned.

"Thanksgiving is one day you can eat as much as you want," Walt said, eyes twinkling at his grandson.

"I can eat all the pie?" James suggested.

"He's got a point," Rafael said, reaching to pat his nephew's head. "Why eat all the turkey and sides when you can eat all the desserts?"

"Uncle Raf agrees!" James said, looking at his mother with pleading eyes.

"He is also going to wait until everyone finishes before he eats dessert too," Hope said pointedly to her brother-in-law.

"She got me," Raf said, leaning in to talk to James as if he were telling a secret. "Let's wait a little longer for dessert. Just to make sure it tastes extra good once we get to it."

"Okay!" James exclaimed, wiggling in his chair.

Hope, knowing he would only wait so long before he wanted to get up from the table to play with the toys Lucia and Walt kept at their house for him, hastened to finish her meal. Normally she would wipe him off and send him to play until it was time for dessert, but given Lucia's line of questioning, she would rather keep James around to keep the mood light.

Naturally, as soon as she thought it, James asked it.

"Can I leave the table until time for pie?" James asked.

Knowing making him sit wouldn't be fair, she agreed.

"Yes, but come here so I can wipe you off," she said.

"I got him," Rafael said, taking a clean napkin to his face and hands since he was sitting next to him.

"Thanks," she said, watching James get cleaned up then running to play.

"How is he?" Lucia asked, watching her grandson as he played far enough away that he didn't pay any attention to the conversation.

"He's doing okay," Hope said. "We were worried so we saw a child psychologist. She gave us some tips."

"Like what?" she asked.

"Encourage him to talk about Landon," Hope said. "Take him to visit his grave when he asks. Things like that."

"And you do," Lucia asked. "Take him?"

"Yes," Hope nodded. "We explained that Thanksgiving was a holiday spent with family, so he asked to visit today before we came here."

"He still remembers him?" Lucia asked, voice breaking slightly.

"Mom…" Rafael said, reaching for her hand. "Landon's his dad. He definitely remembers a lot more than you would think, and he definitely wouldn't forget him."

"Of course," Hope reached for her hand too. "We would never let James forget Landon."

"When you say 'we'…" Lucia's eyes traveled to Ryan.

"Ryan too," Hope insisted.

"He calls him Daddy," Lucia said, almost as an accusation.

"Because Landon told him to," Rafael explained, wondering why his mother hadn't asked him more before that day. It was as if she was bottling it all up so she could unleash on Ryan the next time she saw him.

"I'm not trying to replace Landon," Ryan finally said quietly. "I could never do that."

Walt clasped Ryan's shoulder, reassuring him that he said the right thing.

Lucia's eyes again moved from Ryan back to Hope.

"Mom," Rafael said to draw her attention. "It's going to be okay, okay?"

Lucia finally nodded.

"Now, how about Hope and I clear the leftovers and you get the desserts ready?" Rafael said. "Your grandson will be back for pie very soon."

"Don't forget the Reddi whip," Walt inserted gruffly as only an older gentleman could do while keeping his emotions in check.

"Well, alright," Lucia said, letting out a deep breath.

"But you and me, missy," she continued, waving a hand at Hope. "We're going to have a talk real soon so I understand what in the sam-heck is going on."

"And I'll tell you everything," Hope said, looking to Rafael and finding the support in his gaze. "I promise."

Crisis adverted—the remainder of dinner wasn't nearly as awkward.

But Hope knew Ryan had long since closed off. He was probably on edge, waiting for another shoe to drop.

Returning to her home later, Ryan helped carry in the leftovers. Lucia and Walt made sure to give away as much as possible to both her and Rafael. They liked to cook, but they hated eating the same thing for days afterwards.

"I'm sorry about all that," she said as she put the containers away in the fridge.

"It's okay," he said, speaking for the first time in what felt like hours. "I get it."

He did. They missed their son. Their grandson was calling someone else Dad, Hope and Ryan were spending a lot of time together, and they didn't fully understand any of it.

When Hope and Lucia disappeared after dessert, he figured Hope was finally telling Lucia the real truth. He worried the entire time they were away, wondering if he would have to live through another awkward confrontation.

Whatever Hope said though, it made Lucia do a complete turn around.

She came back into the main room and immediately hugged him.

He stood awkwardly the entire time, his earlier reception not allowing him to relax around her.

"I'm sorry," she had said, apologizing for her behavior that evening.

He forced a smile to reassure her, but he wasn't feeling family time anymore at all.

"With time, it'll get better," Hope said, knowing it really would but only if Ryan gave it a chance.

Lucia wasn't upset with Ryan any longer at all. She was quite a bit upset with Hope though. The truth hurt, and Lucia said she would need some time to work through everything. She understood that Landon forgave her. She needed time to do the same. As for Ryan, Lucia was immediately contrite when she realized Ryan was a complete innocent in everything. She was irked with her for letting her think terrible things about Ryan.

Hope didn't bother telling her she didn't know what Lucia thought until she told her. The point was moot anyway.

"For James' sake," Ryan said softly. "I hope so."

James deserved more than to see his family torn apart by needless drama. Ryan wanted to be there for everything that happened in James' life, but he couldn't control the way people treated him in James' presence.

Rafael defending him most of the evening let him know he, at least, would stand by him.

Lucia and Walt, he thought they were thawing toward him by the time he left.

But who knew how all of that would change if anything ever happened between him and Hope again.

Sometimes, late at night, he allowed himself to fantasize just as he had through the years that he and Hope really were possible.

Deep down he knew it really wasn't.

Being with her would ruin everything.

James deserved better than that.

---

To be continued…