His Mother's Eyes

by gleechild

AU - 5 years ago, Ryan Clarke spent one perfect night with the woman of his dreams only to have her disappear come morning. Never knowing why she left, he's about to learn the truth and have his world completely turned upside down. Alternate Universe, Futuristic, No Supernatural, Established Handon, Holarke Endgame. Loosely based on Heart's "All I Want To Do Is Make Love To You."

6. Chapter 6

I own nothing but my own words.

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Chapter 6

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This chapter is dedicated to two awesome friends!

Happy Birthday, Daria! (ig: klausoriginials) All the love and best wishes!

For Reece (ig: hopanscurse), the birthday gift that keeps giving! I hope the last three chapters have been one of your greatest gifts ever! *giggle*

---

"Mommy, Daddy?" a gentle voice said from the doorway.

Hope and Ryan let go and turned as one, both a little shocked.

"Charlie, honey," Hope said, walking forward and squatting down in front of her. "What did you just say?"

Charlie looked between the two of them with wide eyes.

"Open box?" she said, pointing behind her at one of the toys that was still in the box and she wanted help with.

"Who do you want to open the box?" Hope asked, breath caught.

"You or Daddy?" Charlie said.

For the first time, Hope didn't know what to do. On the one hand, if everything worked out between her and Ryan as she hoped it would, she knew Ryan would be a father to Charlie as well as James. On the other, if it didn't work out, then Charlie really shouldn't be calling Ryan that.

"Honey, you know—" she started but Ryan interrupted.

"Yeah, I'll open the box," he said, walking forward and bending to reach for Charlie.

She lifted her arms and he picked her up and pulled her close.

"Which box is it?" he said as he carried her into the suite.

Hope stared after them with her heart in her throat and stars in her eyes.

Please, she thought. Please let this all work out.

---

Hope was going to correct Charlie.

He knew it, and maybe he should have let her.

But he didn't.

Instead, he swooped in and grabbed Charlie to go open the box she wanted.

Hearing Charlie call him "Daddy" made him suddenly want to be that for her.

He had long since fallen for this little girl, and if she wanted him to be her father, he would do it.

Honestly, he wasn't sure if she understood what it meant. She hadn't grown up with a father. Plus, he couldn't remember the last time Charlie called him Ryan. Hope had introduced him that way, and Hope always called him by his name, but James always called him "Daddy." It was possible Charlie just picked it up because James did it.

But he didn't mind.

Throughout the rest of the day, he could tell Hope was still hesitant about it. She was also hesitant about his words from that morning. He knew when he told her he would try, she hoped for more.

He wanted to give her more but something held him back. He couldn't explain it. When he kissed her, he was almost certain he was one hundred percent all in with her. But he couldn't speak the words. Maybe he needed time to get used to it in his head first.

Whatever it was, it only allowed him to say he was willing to try.

That was all he could give her for now.

They spent most of Christmas playing with the kids and their toys.

To get some exercise, they went for a walk before lunch, taking in the little ski village they hadn't paid much attention to since their arrival. Hope loved the craft jewelry and quilts, so she picked up a few while they were shopping around.

Ryan was almost amused to note that nothing really changed between him and Hope as the day progressed. They talked like they always did; they took care of the kids and enjoyed spending time with them and each other, again, like they always did.

That was when he realized they had basically been living their lives as if they were together already.

The only thing missing was intimacy.

And that was how Ryan knew Hope was still uncertain of him and his words. She had never been awkward with him before, but sometimes she couldn't decide if she should touch him—even just to press his shoulder in passing, or to hold his hand while they were walking side-by-side.

Confidence was one thing Hope always had in abundance but not that day.

He knew they needed to talk. There were still so many things up in the air between them and chasing after two kids all day didn't leave much time for privacy. They couldn't even talk at nap time because the kids weren't nearly as worn out as usual. James just wanted to play. Charlie tried to sleep but couldn't settle down with the excitement of Christmas.

"We should have done this before lunch," Hope said out the side of her mouth as they skated side-by-side later.

The ski resort also hosted an ice skating rink and it was open on Christmas day. They discovered it during their walk, and the kids were excited to try.

Rather, Charlie was excited to try. James already knew how.

Ryan, though, did not. He wasn't as excited as Charlie. Hope promised to show him how after she helped Charlie.

Hearing her, James insisted on helping Charlie himself.

Hope helped Charlie get booted up and started on the ice, but then James took Charlie's hand and they were off. Charlie picked it up super fast for a beginner and, after Hope followed behind them for one loop of the floor, she felt confident enough to let them continue on their own while she went back for Ryan.

That was how he found himself holding her hand, while simultaneously holding onto the wall, to skate.

"They would've been zonked," Hope continued, glancing at the kids.

"At least they won't have trouble sleeping toniiiight—" he dragged out the word when his foot slipped and he nearly fell over but the wall and Hope kept him upright.

"Ryan," Hope said with amusement, "you're used to skiing, just think of the skate as a ski and go with it instead of trying to stop the movement."

"Easy for you to say," he mumbled, gripping her hand tighter. "You're practically a pro at this."

"Hardly," she laughed. "Just let go of the wall and relax. I've got you."

"You're gonna keep me from falling?" he asked incredulously. "You're half my size. If I fall, I'm taking you with me."

"I could think of worst ways to go," she smirked.

"Skiing is still flat, like a shoe, on the ground," he argued. "This is balancing on a thin blade. It's not the same at all and you know it."

"Come on," she said, skating around to face him directly. She held onto his left hand and reached for his right that was gripping the wall tightly. "Take my hands and I'll lead you."

He looked from her hand to the wall uncertainly.

"Trust me," she insisted.

He flinched.

"Ryan?" she asked, taking his flinch to mean he was too scared to let go. "If you fall, we'll just get back up again. Lean forward a little so if it happens, you're not falling on your ass."

"Hope…" he shook his head.

"If Charlie can do it, you can," she said.

"Charlie's butt is two inches away from the ice," Ryan pointed out. "She has a shorter distance to fall than I do."

"She's a little bit taller than that," she said, amused. "And if you lean forward, you won't fall on your ass, like I said."

"No, I'll just be falling on you," he said. "Then you'll be falling on your ass."

"The first time you make me fall, we'll stop and just let the kids skate, deal?" she said.

"Fine," he said, letting out a deep sigh. "But the first time you fall—"

"We'll stop," she nodded. "Now, give me your hand."

He reluctantly let go of the wall and took her hand. Then he did his best to focus on her instructions so he wouldn't fall.

He also needed to focus so he wouldn't keep thinking about his knee-jerk reaction when she told him to trust her.

That was when he realized with startling clarity why he couldn't give her more than a promise to try.

He didn't trust her.

He would try to get past that.

He just wasn't sure he ever would.

---

By the time the kids were bathed that night and curled up between Ryan and Hope in the girls' room, everyone was plenty worn out.

Ryan had fallen twice before he felt any kind of confidence on the ice; but, since Hope didn't fall too, he kept going. The deal was only if she fell because of him.

Hope was certain the kids would fall asleep before the movie was over—just like she was certain she would fall asleep right along with them—but she set up the new movie to play anyway. They would probably get at least halfway through.

Propping pillows up behind everyone, they all burrowed under the giant comforter to watch. As the Frozen played, Hope ended up turning on her side towards the kids. She was trying to watch the screen but keeping her eyes open became harder and harder.

She felt a warm hand find hers at one point, and her eyes opened with a start.

Looking over, she saw Ryan lying in much the same position as her, clearly fighting sleep too, but he reached across the pillows above the kids' heads—which were sinking further and further down the pillows as they too started nodding off—to take her hand.

It was exactly what she needed. Some kind of interaction from him. Some kind of reassurance.

They hadn't found time to talk any further after their kiss that morning, and she knew they really needed to. As time went on, she realized she wasn't sure what trying entailed. What was okay? Could she hold his hand in public and not just to guide him while skating? Could she kiss him? Did she even want to do any of that in front of the kids if he just wanted to try? She didn't want to give either child the wrong idea, especially not James who was used to seeing her and Landon as a loving couple in front of him. Could she show her love for Ryan when she wasn't sure if he loved her?

And she still wasn't sure if Charlie should call him anything other than 'Ryan'.

She was sure the counselor would have plenty to say to her about that at Charlie's next session.

His reaching to hold her hand though, it calmed her in ways she didn't know she needed.

They were both too exhausted to talk after the kids fell asleep, but it was his way of telling her he was still with her, that he knew they needed to talk and they would when they got the chance. Until then though, he was holding her hand…

He was trying.

For tonight, that was all she needed.

---

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" the cries in her ear were anything but soft even though Charlie's voice indicated she was attempting to wake Hope with a loud whisper.

"Hmm," Hope managed to make some kind of noise to let Charlie know she was awake without opening her eyes or raising her head yet.

"Do you wanna build a snowman?!" Charlie asked.

Hope groaned.

"It's starting," Ryan grumbled from his side of the bed.

Hope wasn't ready to get up. The activities she scheduled to keep two children constantly occupied all week were catching up with her. She was ready to spend a lazy day in bed.

Maybe she could negotiate another hour…

"Why don't we finish the movie first?" she said without opening her eyes. "Since we all fell asleep."

"Nu uh," Charlie said. "I watched the whole movie! Elsa saved Anna!"

Huh.

"But me and Mommy didn't finish it," Ryan managed to say. "So we should watch it first."

Good man. Smart man.

"Oh…" Charlie said softly. "Okay… can we see 'Wanna Build A Snowman' again?!"

"Isn't that at the beginning of the movie?" Ryan mumbled as he struggled to find the remote.

Even better.

Wait…

"Where's James?" Hope said, finally raising her head and opening her eyes because she hadn't heard him since this conversation began.

"He had to potty," Charlie explained.

Speaking of potty…

---

While Hope did not get her wish for a lazy day in bed, she did get an extra hour to relax.

After breakfast, they bundled the kids up and took them out to find a random patch of virgin snow left behind by the white Christmas from the previous morning.

The kids had a blast making snow angels with them, being extra careful when they stood up so they didn't mess up the perfect imprint.

Charlie then sang out, "I wanna build a snowman!"

"We should build Olaf!" James agreed. "Because he was Elsa and Anna's friend and a snowman."

"Alright," Ryan said. "Just know it might not look exactly like Olaf, but we'll do our best."

James looked at Hope, confused.

Hope shook her head and winked.

"Charlie," she said. "We need two piles of snow on the ground next to each other. Not too big because it's gonna be his feet."

"Okay!" Charlie cried out happily then got to work, selecting a place on the ground to start pushing the snow together with her waterproof mittens.

"James," Hope continued. "Start working on two piles of snow: one for his bottom half that's gonna be a big ball that's wider and taller than his feet, and one for his upper body that'll be smaller, okay?"

"Okay!" James grinned and went to work.

"Ryan?" Hope looked his way with an amused glance.

"What job do you have for me?" he asked with a laugh.

"Sticks," she said.

"Sticks?"

"And stones," she nodded. "Make sure two of the sticks are long and skinny with only twigs branching out at the ends. The third stick can have a bunch of tiny branches sticking out anywhere. And we need three stones, but they can't be too heavy. Oh, and two more stones but tinier for his eyes."

"I'll see what I can find…" he said, eyeing her curiously.

"Hopefully you find them all," she teased. "If not, you'll be responsible for it not looking exactly like Olaf."

"Let me guess," he rolled his eyes. "You don't just paint, you sculpt too."

"You should see me work with clay," she winked.

"I don't have time," he said. "I've gotta go find perfect sticks and stones apparently."

"Good luck," she grinned up at him before spontaneously lifting up to her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

"Thanks," he murmured, not unaffected by the action. Part of him wanted to grab her close and plant a real kiss on her, but he decided now wasn't the time.

Not when the perfect snowman needed to be built.

By the time he returned from his hunt, Hope was putting the finishing touches on the snowman. She must have been taking turns with each kid, because as he watched, she held James' gloved hand to the back of Olaf's head to help guide him in shaping the mound. Then she took Charlie's gloved hand to smooth along the front of the neck. She must have covertly snagged a carrot from the restaurant at breakfast because Olaf miraculously, somehow, had a nose too.

She really was an amazing mother. The patience she had with them even as she encouraged them to try new things was astounding. She made parenting look easy when it wasn't. She helped him be a better parent too, and he appreciated that more than he could ever convey. She didn't shoot down his worries either. Sometimes he found himself thinking back to James' epic tantrum when he wanted Landon. She never once dismissed his fears. She accepted them and found a helpful solution, even if she herself wasn't sure a psychologist was warranted.

Memories like those helped solidify his resolve.

He may not trust Hope yet the way he should; but, since she came back into his life, she gave him no reason not to.

"Did you find them?" Hope asked, glancing at Ryan.

"Five stones," he said holding out his left hand. "Three bigger, two smaller. And here are the sticks." He held out his right hand filled with those.

"Perfect," Hope said with a wink.

"Sticks!" Charlie reached out to demand the items with more sass than he ever saw from her before.

"Yeah, give her the sticks, Ryan," Hope smirked.

He handed them over with a raised eyebrow. Charlie was learning how to be sassy from Hope. God help him.

"Stones for me, please," James said, holding out his hands.

"Here you go," Ryan said, handing them over.

He glanced at Hope as the kids ran to continue working on the snowman.

"Please," Ryan repeated. "Now that's the way you ask for something."

"Oh, Ryan," Hope said saucily. "You know you love it."

"I think Miss Manners would have something to say about that," he teased.

"Just let it go, Ryan," she teased back.

"Let it go!" Charlie sang out.

Ryan winced.

"You did that on purpose," he accused.

"Maybe…" she giggled then glided over to help Charlie affix the twig arms as the little girl launched into an awkward rendition of Frozen's most well known song.

"Let it go, let it gooooo…"

As he stooped to form the perfect snowball to throw at Hope, he consoled himself with the knowledge that The Incredibles was not a musical and thankfully they would be watching that tonight.

He hid the ball behind his back and walked closer to the gang, noticing the snowman really was nearly an exact replica of Olaf.

"It looks exactly like him," he said.

"Like magic," Hope winked.

"You two did a great job," he told the kids.

Charlie stopped singing to grin at him, and James gifted him with one of his adorable smiles letting him know he was proud of the work too.

"Mom helped a little," James said.

Ryan barely restrained himself from laughing, especially when he saw Hope's face.

Hope poked him.

"Oh, what's that?" Ryan pretended to be listening to Hope. "You barely helped at all? That's what I thought."

Hope rolled her eyes at him.

"I'm sure you tried your best," he said with false reassurance as he reached around to pat her on the back with the hand holding the snowball.

He slammed the snowball instead of a simple pat and had to laugh when pieces of snow flew up and splattered her cheek.

"Hey!" she cried out in shock then glared at him. "Oh, you are so going to get it."

"Awwww," James said. "Daddy's gonna get punished!"

If it weren't for Ryan's thoughts drifting to Hope's innuendo earlier that week, he would have been slightly offended by the delight in James' voice. As it was, his thoughts were far, very far away, from offended.

"Punished, hmm?" he asked Hope.

Seeing the devilish gleam in his eye, she refrained from commenting on that in front of the kids.

"He definitely needs a time out later," she said, as she did her best to brush off the snow.

"Promises, promises," he murmured.

"So," Hope spoke loudly, pretending to ignore him. "What does everyone want to do today?"

"You mean you don't have anything already planned?" Ryan asked in shock.

"Well," she smiled at the kids. "There's Santa Village in the square. I saw it yesterday, with games and an obstacle course inside a fort that I think was made of snow. Does that sound like fun?"

"Yes!" James exclaimed.

Charlie nodded, agreeing because James was excited.

"That just leaves now," Hope said. "What do you want to do before lunch?"

"The zoo!" James volunteered excitedly.

"Zoo?" Hope asked, confused.

"Uh huh," James nodded. "Santa gave us tickets!"

"Ohh, that's right," Hope said with a sideways look at Ryan. "Santa did. Unfortunately, the zoo is all the way back home. We'd have to spend all day driving there and it'll be closed by the time we get there. Plus, Santa's Village would be closed too before we got back."

"Oh," James said, making a face.

"How about we save the zoo tickets for when we're back home, but today we'll do something we can only do here," she suggested. "Like ski, or a snowshoe trek, or rent a snowmobile, or snow tubing, or—"

"Tubing!" James exclaimed.

"I wanna build a snowman!" Charlie exclaimed at the same time.

"Another one?" Ryan asked Charlie.

Charlie nodded.

"Mommy showed me how to make things," she said, waving her hands. "I wanna make things!"

Ryan glanced at Hope who seemed in deep thought.

"What are you thinking?" Ryan asked.

Hope bit her lip and squatted down close to her daughter.

"Charlie, there's a children's pottery class tomorrow afternoon in the ski village," Hope said.

She saw the sign advertising it yesterday but wasn't sure either of the kids would be interested. She also wasn't sure if Charlie could handle it and she didn't want to push her.

"Pottery means you use something called clay instead of snow to build things. It lasts a lot longer than snow too. You can make something small like a mug or a vase or a plate, or anything you want."

Charlie nodded in excitement.

"I want to do that!" she said.

"I do too!" James agreed.

"Okay," Hope said, still watching Charlie. "I can sign you both up, but Charlie, there will be other children there who want to learn too."

Charlie stopped bouncing.

"Oh."

"I'll be with you the whole time," James said.

Charlie looked uncertainly at him.

"Ryan and I will be there to help if you need us too," Hope said, figuring they would get to stand on the side while the kids did their craft. "But you may have to sit at a table with other kids. Do you think you can do that?"

The little girl thought really hard about her answer, her tiny nose was scrunched.

Finally, "James will be with me?"

"Yes," Hope said with a smile at James who grinned back at her toothily.

"Okay…" Charlie said softly. "I wanna build things."

"I'll go sign you up," Hope pulled out her phone and glanced at the time. "I'll do it right now while you two tell Ryan what you want to do before lunch."

"Snow tubing!" she heard as she walked away to make the call.

Sighing with relief, she decided snow tubing was the perfect thing. There was nothing quite like letting the automatic magic carpet do the walking for her, then she just had to lie on a tube and let gravity take her sledding down the hill. The kids would run on ahead when they wanted, but she could go as slow as she wanted.

She was feeling more exhausted than expected, but she wasn't really surprised. Since their arrival at the resort, she pretty much kept the kids as busy as possible helping them learn new things, experience new things, and creating memories to last a lifetime. But after nearly a week of constant activity, she was ready for her favorite part of any vacation. Relaxing. Somehow, the lazy river at the waterpark didn't quite do it for her.

Come lunch time, she picked up food to bring back to the suite. She could barely stay awake while eating and it didn't go unnoticed.

"I'll put the kids down for their nap," Ryan said, taking mercy on her.

"Thanks," she murmured, moving to the couch. She didn't want to go to sleep yet, especially since her and Ryan still needed to talk, so she shook her head trying to stay awake until Ryan returned from her room.

She woke later, confused to find herself in a dark room on a comfortable bed.

Looking around, she realized she fell asleep on the couch. Ryan must have carried her to his room. She was covered in blankets and feeling much more relaxed.

Apparently the kids weren't the only ones who needed a nap. She wanted to be disappointed she still hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Ryan but decided it was actually a good thing. She would have more energy to get through the rest of the day, and she would have no problem staying up longer that night to talk.

Heading out to the living room, the sight she walked in on made her smile.

Ryan and James were playing 'My Little Pony' with Charlie. Her new unicorns were practicing flying, and Charlie was instructing both boys on what they were supposed to do.

Charlie was slowly but surely coming out of her shell.

Hope couldn't be prouder.

With every new thing Charlie learned, her confidence grew. She didn't cling quite as much during a simple walk through the village yesterday even though there were people all around. Crowds still bothered her, and that was okay, but she was getting used to being around more people.

When Charlie agreed to go to the pottery class, it was all Hope could do to choke back happy tears.

Charlie still needed time, so Hope knew keeping her from preschool was still a good idea, but she was sure by the time kindergarten started Charlie would be more than ready.

"Can I play too?" Hope asked.

"Mommy!" Charlie called out with a grin.

"Mommy's awake!" James said, jumping. "Can we go to Santa's Village now?"

Ryan laughed.

"Can we, can we, can we?" James asked.

"I guess," Hope said. "If you're done playing."

"We are!" Charlie called out.

"Then pick up your toys so we can get ready," Ryan said, setting his unicorn down where the toys were supposed to be stored and rising to join Hope.

The kids scrambled to put the rest of the toys away.

"Sleep well?" he asked.

"Very," she murmured. "Thank you."

"Looked like you needed it," he smiled remembering her struggling through lunch and then finding her wiped out on the couch. He couldn't resist lifting her in his arms. The bed would be much more comfortable for her, plus carrying her reminded him of their first meeting long ago.

"I did," she nodded. "At least now I know I'll stay awake so we can talk tonight."

"Can't wait," he smirked.

"What?" she asked innocently.

"After your visit to my hot tub, of course, right?" he said.

"Of course," she laughed.

---

Deciding to go to Santa's Village that afternoon turned out to be Hope's greatest decision ever.

The completely unexpected happened.

Charlie made a friend.

Santa's Village included a mini snow fort which was basically an open building covered in snow with hidden tunnels and slides.

As always, Charlie needed a few minutes to stand to the side and get the lay of the land before trying it out.

There were other kids playing on the fort too. Charlie's experience at the waterpark helped her realize that just because there were other kids, that didn't mean they would interact with her. The other kids just wanted to play and have fun.

Most of them waited their turn as they were supposed to. At the waterpark, the parents were usually right there with the children so they behaved. Here, the kids would play by themselves though Hope and Ryan would be close by keeping an eye out.

James was used to playing around other kids, ones he knew and ones he didn't. He was ready to run inside the fort and play the instant they arrived. He waited—hopping from foot to foot—for Charlie to be ready.

"Are you ready yet, Charlie?" he asked for the third time.

Charlie shook her head.

Hope glanced at Ryan and saw he was fighting a smile as badly as she was.

"It looks like there must be some way to get all the way to the top of the fort," Hope said, pointing. "See the kids up there?"

Charlie nodded.

"Yeah!" James exclaimed. "I see them! We can get up there too!"

"I bet you can," Hope said. "Just wait a few more minutes."

James nodded, glanced at Charlie, and tried to stay still to wait.

Less than a minute later, he started hopping again.

"Ready, Charlie?" he asked eagerly.

Charlie shook her head again.

"This one's a bit different, James," Ryan explained. "We can't go inside with you."

"But I'll be there!" James piped up with his new go-to phrase.

Obviously he made the connection that any time he reminded Charlie he would be with her, she agreed to do something.

"It's big," Charlie said softly, still looking around.

"We can't go inside with you," Hope repeated. "But we'll be right outside and watching you two the whole time."

Charlie nodded, understanding.

"Why don't you try it out for two minutes?" Ryan suggested. "Walk with James inside and go down one slide. If you don't like it, you can come back out."

Hope loved that idea and was kicking herself for not thinking of it first.

Charlie slowly nodded again.

"Okay, James," she said. "I'm ready."

James bounced and grabbed her hand.

"Let's go!"

The kids ran inside and before they knew it, five minutes had passed and Charlie was showing no signs of wanting to leave any time soon.

"She's getting better at that, isn't she?" Ryan asked, watching first James, then Charlie go down another slide, one after the other. Both kids wore big grins.

"Being around other people?" Hope asked. "She is."

"When was the last time you saw her with the thumb?" he asked. "I can't remember."

"The night of the magic show," Hope thought back and was pretty sure that was the last

"Good," he said. "This week has been good for her."

"It's been good for us all," she said with a wink before leaning into his side.

"That it has," Ryan said, smiling down at her and wrapping an arm around her, holding her easily against him.

It felt really nice.

They fell silent as they watched the kids enjoy themselves.

Hope knew many people would set the kids loose and find a place to sit and relax until they returned. She was never one of those people. She was glad Ryan wasn't either. He seemed just as content as she did to watch the kids.

Kids came and went from the fort, and Hope didn't really pay attention to them until one family approached with a little girl.

"It'll be alright, Simone," the obviously pregnant woman said sweetly, struggling to crouch in front of the girl and adjust her coat and scarf. "We'll be right here."

Simone shook her head, her braids swishing back and forth to enunciate her denial.

"Don't want to," she said sadly.

"Honey, I know you do," the mother said. "You were excited when you saw the pictures. Now that you're here, I know it seems big and scary. But once you go down that first slide, you'll forget all about how big it looks and only remember how fun it is."

Simone gripped hold of one of her braids and put the end of it in her mouth, worrying over the decision.

"Now, now, none of that," the woman said with a gentle smile as she pulled the hair out of her mouth. "You'll eat all your hair worrying like that."

The little girl pouted but let her mother push the braids back over her shoulders.

"Just try, okay?" the woman asked. "We don't have to stay if you don't want to, but it'll be a shame to be this close to all that fun and walk away before giving it a chance."

"I'll try," the girl said with a huge dramatic sigh.

Hope hid a grin at the exasperation and that word.

'Try'.

So far, Ryan's 'trying' wasn't so bad, she mused as she burrowed deeper into his warm side.

Returning her attention to her children, she only vaguely noticed the other little girl had gone inside and was making her way around the inside fort walls.

In fact, she quite frankly forgot all about the other girl until ten minutes later when her two ended up at the top of a slide with the other girl. The slide they were getting on was a bit more swirly than the other ones.

Simone was at the top before James and Charlie arrived, too scared to go down it. She motioned for the other two to go in front of her. James, of course, eagerly went first. Charlie had been following him throughout the entire fort for a while now, so he assumed she would be right behind him.

Instead, as Hope watched, Charlie hesitated. She couldn't make out what was happening at first, but Ryan did.

"Is she… talking to her?" Ryan asked.

"I… think she is," Hope said, shocked.

As they watched, Simone nodded at whatever Charlie said and slowly turned to get in position to go down the slide. Then she slid down and Charlie immediately took her turn right behind her.

And so it went.

It was no longer just James and Charlie running around, conquering the fort and all its hidden depths together. Simone was right there with them.

Hope could scarcely believe it. Charlie was talking to someone else—on her own. And, if she wasn't mistaken, Charlie helped Simone overcome her fear of the swirly slide.

Simone followed them everywhere, and Hope even noticed all three kids giggling together at one point. What she wouldn't give to know what they were talking about.

Glancing at Simone's mother who was watching the fort with a pleased look on her face, Hope made a snap decision.

"I'll be right back," she murmured to Ryan, pulling away and wandering over to the other woman.

"Hi…" Hope said, approaching with a friendly smile.

"Hello," the woman said politely, if a bit uncertain.

"My name is Hope," Hope said. "I think that's your little girl playing with my two?"

"Oh!" the woman said, nodding.

"Sorry, I just couldn't resist talking to you," Hope said. "Charlie, my daughter, is usually painfully shy. I've never seen her talk to anyone on her own. She's only out there now because her older brother, James, is with her."

"I know how that is," the woman nodded. "Simone's gotten better at overcoming the shyness. It's trying new things that scare her most now."

"But she went in to play by herself anyway," Hope pointed out this accomplishment, impressed.

"She did. And it looks like she made some new friends too," the woman smiled. "She started preschool this year. She loves to learn, but she doesn't do that well with other kids."

"Please tell me you live somewhere near Richmond?" Hope asked in hopeful amusement. If this kid lived close enough, Hope would plan daily play dates between Simone and Charlie if need be. Her daughter needed all the friends she could get.

"About twenty minutes from the metropolitan area?" the woman said.

Everything was falling into place and Hope couldn't help but think meeting this woman and her daughter was meant to be.

Hope grinned.

"Tell me, how does Simone feel about pottery…"

---

Candace.

Simone's mother was named Candace, her father, David.

When Simone's answer was a resounding, "Yes!" once Candace asked Simone if she wanted to attend the pottery class the next day with James and Charlie, Hope couldn't help but be pleased with herself.

The excitement on Charlie's face told Hope she was looking forward to spending more time with Simone too.

If all went well after the class, Hope fully intended on getting their phone number to setup a play date very soon.

For now, she was ready to relax after a long but successful day.

She managed to sneak away before the end of 'The Incredibles' for a desperately needed visit to the jacuzzi in the boys' room.

Jets pounding the heated water around her was her favorite way to unwind every evening that week after a day full of activities. She didn't get to indulge Christmas evening, but tonight she wasn't moving until every tense muscle was a puddle of goo.

By the time the water began to cool, she was loathe to move to get out of the tub, but a soft bed was calling her name so she forced herself to dry off and pull on the fluffy white hotel robe.

Exiting the bathroom, she was caught off guard.

"You look relaxed," Ryan said, startling her.

Sitting and resting against pillows on the side of the bed furthest away from her wearing his own fluffy white robe, he was obviously waiting for her.

"I am," she murmured, smiling softly.

"The kids are asleep," he said, then patted the bedspread next to him. "Thought you might want to talk."

She needed no further encouragement, joining him immediately, grateful they finally had time for it.

"So," she started. "What exactly does trying entail?"

"Hmm," he said thoughtfully. "Getting to know each other better?"

"We've seen each other practically every day for four months," she laughed. "If you don't know me by now..."

"I know you as a mom," he said. "And that you have a portfolio, a trust fund, and do volunteer work."

"You know me a bit better than that too," she teased.

He smirked in agreement.

"I don't know your past though," he clarified. "Where you grew up, your family, your parents. I know about your father and his work, but..."

"So, you want the full autobiography of Hope Andrea Mikaelson," she said.

"See, I didn't know that was your middle name," he said.

"What's yours?" she asked.

"I don't have one," he shrugged.

"Like James," she said fondly. She figured with a long last name, James didn't need a middle one too. She loved her son's name. His last name was hers and Landon's, and his first name was the only part of his biological father she could give him at the time. The three people who loved James most made up his name. She wouldn't have it any other way.

"So, Andrea, as in your father's portrait?" he asked, remembering the portraits unveiled the night he met her. Those portraits were already part of art history books, their popularity abounding in the six years since they were shared with the world.

"As in my mother, yes," Hope nodded. "That was her name."

She cleared her throat.

"I suppose getting to know each other is basic date night stuff," she said.

"Is this a date?" he asked ruefully, looking around.

"For us?" she laughed. "Yeah."

"We do tend to do everything out of order," he noted.

"That we do," she grinned. "So… more about me and my past. Well, my parents had me young. They never married. They weren't in love. I was... unexpected. Dad might have asked if he thought she wanted it, but Mom would never. No one gets married because they have to anymore, she would say. She didn't want either of them to resent the other. She just wanted to focus on raising and loving me. So they did."

"She sounds stubborn and headstrong... like someone else I know," he smirked.

"Oh, so you do know me then," she teased. "Maybe I should stop talking."

He laughed, conceding defeat.

"Where did you grow up?" he asked.

"New Orleans," she said. "My dad was a Mikaelson, practically Crescent City royalty to hear him talk."

"And your Mom?" he asked.

"She was a Labonair," she said. "More of… bayou royalty."

"So that makes you a princess twice over then," he said.

"Not really," she laughed. "I just got to be a part of both worlds."

"Did you like growing up like that?" he asked.

"Would I have loved for my parents to be together and live together?" she said. "Yes, absolutely. But I wanted them to be happy even more. They both found their happiness eventually. Mom, in one of Dad's brothers. Dad, in a woman he met in Virginia while visiting one of the various Mikaelson properties."

"Let me guess, Caroline?" he said.

"Has anyone ever told you how smart you are?" she teased.

"Yes, yes they have," he smiled.

"Ha," she said. "Yes. Caroline."

"I know a brief history of your father, so I know how he died," he said. "You must've been young."

"Fifteen," she said.

"From the way you talk of your mother in the past tense, is she gone too?" he asked, knowing he had to be correct. He remembered meeting her family at Landon's funeral. He couldn't remember the names, but he only ever heard them referred to as aunt or uncle. He didn't think her mother would miss her husband's funeral.

Hope nodded.

"They died together," she said, feeling the usual sadness that came with the topic. "So did my Uncle Elijah."

"That had to be hard," he said.

"So hard," she agreed. "I sometimes wonder, if they had lived, would I have any siblings now?"

"Did you want siblings?" he asked.

"So much!" she laughed. "My mom was an only child, but my dad was one of seven."

"Seven?" he said in disbelief.

"Yep," she said, smiling again at his reaction. "And most of them were so close. I wanted that. And even though I couldn't have it for myself, I always dreamed of it one day. Having a big family."

She got a far away look in her eye, one that told him she was lost in her dreams.

"So you're not stopping with Charlie," he said after a moment.

She shook her head.

"I can't give up on my dreams," she said firmly.

"I know," he said. "I taught you that."

She smiled, loving that he remembered, loving that he ever said it to her in the first place. He barely knew her when he said it, but it was exactly what she needed to hear.

Was it any wonder she slept with him that first night?

"So... do you know enough for now?" she asked.

Her mind was suddenly on something quite different.

"Maybe..." he said. "Why?"

"Because I really want to kiss you," she said.

"Hope Andrea Mikaelson," he said with mock indignation. "Are you suggesting we make out on the first date?"

"What can I say?" she said. "We do do everything out of order."

"I guess that's enough. For now…" he said, leaning closer. It was nearly impossible to resist her, especially since he gave himself permission to be with her.

There would be time for more dates. Even with the way they did things unconventionally, just sitting and talking with her that night felt nice. He was on the right track by suggesting they date. That's what normal couples did to establish their relationship. That's what they needed.

And impromptu make out sessions were also very popular during dating too.

When their lips met, all thoughts of dating flew away. All thoughts of anything except the feel, smell, and taste of her drifted from his mind

Kissing him felt like heaven, and Hope loved it so much more than Christmas morning. The passion they recognized when they were together sparked anew. His lips, his mouth, his tongue—every part of him that he shared intoxicated her.

Making out with Ryan was her new favorite thing.

His hands didn't go any further than her face…at first, anyway. She lost track of time and had no idea how long they spent kissing. It felt like mere moments, but she knew it was much longer than that.

Eventually, as it always did, the mood shifted and suddenly he couldn't keep his hands off her.

He began on top of the robe, the material in his way, but he could still feel the heat of her. His mouth continued to plunder hers as he smoothed his hand over the material, stroking over her covered breasts and continuing down.

Once he found the bottom edge of the robe, he slid his hand up the skin of her thigh and found her hip. As he once suspected, she didn't wear anything under the robe after her bath. When his palm met with her bare hip, he clutched it gently and tugged her against him.

She moaned into his mouth and pressed against him, responding to his slight aggression.

He needed to keep touching her; he wanted more. Instead of seeking out her warm center though, he continued caressing her skin, gliding his hand below her hip to smooth along her thigh, then back up to her side and stomach.

She became restless as he caressed her.

She wanted to touch him too.

Continuing to eagerly give him her mouth, she reached to touch him as best she could, but it was all only on top of his robe as she couldn't get to the skin underneath with the way he was positioned to touch her. She wasn't even sure if he was completely naked under the robe like she was and not knowing was driving her wild.

Eventually she pushed at him, returning his aggression, encouraging him to roll on his back.

Overjoyed when he moved, she quickly leaned over him to resume their kisses while her hand finally found its way inside of his robe.

He wasn't wearing anything underneath either.

Returning his caresses, taking the time to explore his skin as he did hers, it soothed the wildness inside of her—for the moment.

When her arm brushed against his arousal, which was rapidly becoming hard to ignore, she pulled her hand away. The feel of that part of him excited her, but trepidation also sprang to the forefront.

She knew how great they were together, and she knew it would be so easy to climb on top of him.

What she didn't know is if she should climb on top of him…

She only asked to make out with him. Was sex included in 'trying'? Should she let it be included? She didn't want to freak him out again.

"Ryan..." she whispered, pulling her mouth away from his. "Maybe I should go." She would see if there was room with the kids, or sleep on the couch…

"Stay," he said softly, his eyes beseeching her as his mouth gave her the word.

"Are you sure?" she asked. She needed more than that. She needed some kind of reassurance tonight too. "If we do this, you aren't going to take off and ask me to pretend it never happened again, right?"

"Where would I go?" he asked.

That wasn't exactly an answer to her question… but he wasn't acting the way he did last time either. He was in control of himself. His asking her to stay was his way of saying he wanted this. He wanted her.

She bit her lip and glanced at the door.

"Is it locked?" she asked. She would rather not scar either of her children for life.

He nodded.

"Then I guess I'll stay…" she said, staring into his eyes and suddenly wanting him more than anything. She swung her leg over him and pushed to straddle his thighs, very eager to explore him anew. She wasn't able to last time since she let him drive the entire show; his out of control passion hadn't left room for more than enjoying all the things he did to her.

Straddling him meant the bottom part of her robe spread further apart, which she barely acknowledged as she reached for the tie at the front of his robe, releasing it. Parting the material, she could finally take in the hard lithe body that had fueled her fantasies for quite some time.

He was perfection, and he was hers.

She rested her hands on his stomach, then slid her palms up to caress his chest, finally feeling all that smooth warm skin without any hindrance.

His gaze flooded with desire. His hands found her shoulders and he attempted to pull her robe apart as far as it would go before he gave up and stroked down her arms over the material. He wanted to untie it, and he would, just as soon as he could reach the offending binding. With her leaning over him, he couldn't reach it yet.

Finally, she slid her hands down his chest, drawing back enough that he could grab the tie. He had it undone and pushed apart revealing her body in an instant. Seeing her made him groan, eager to feel and touch every part of her once again.

She had other plans in mind for him though, or at least she had plans for a certain part of his anatomy.

Taking him in hand, she got to work, stroking and massaging, loving every moan he released. Loving the way he bucked into her hand.

She desperately wanted to take him inside of her, but she didn't have protection with her. That was something else she probably should have mentioned before they started. She did pack some… just in case, but it was in her bag back in her room. She wasn't leaving this spot for anything though.

Since they couldn't actually have intercourse, she would give him the next best thing.

She gripped him more firmly.

"Here," he gasped out and struggled to find the pocket of his robe.

When he pulled a foil packet out of nowhere to hold up for her, her relief far outweighed her amusement.

"You planned this," she said with a smirk as she plucked it from his hand.

"Maybe," he returned with his own devilish smirk.

Knowing he made the decision before she even got into bed with him drove away all of her remaining doubts. He wasn't overcome by passion when he made the decision. He wanted this and he wasn't going to walk away afterwards like before.

With renewed desire, she opened the pack and rolled the condom on, staring mesmerized by him even as she clutched him at the base to stroke the parts the condom didn't reach.

"Hope," he moaned out. "Please!"

She wasn't sure how much longer he would last with the way she had been stimulating him, so she wouldn't make him beg any further.

Holding him in place, she raised herself up and slid down on him slowly, moaning as he pressed up into her waiting heat. She was ready for him and he slid easily inside, filling her completely.

His harsh breathing and the intense pleasure on his face told her how much he was struggling to hold himself in check and let her keep control. She closed her eyes and focused on the feel of him inside her, stretching her. She never wanted it to end. She always wanted to feel this close to him.

She clenched her inner walls, gripping him as tight as she could, and was rewarded with him groaning again and a jerk of his hips.

"Hope!" he practically hissed.

She leaned forward to plant her hands on his chest, grinning as he groaned once more at the change in angle.

"Just getting started," she whispered.

Then she moved. Flexing and gyrating her hips as she rode him. Gripping him inside even as she slid her hips up and down, wanting to give as much pleasure as she took.

The only problem came when the pleasure overwhelmed her and she couldn't keep quiet. She didn't realize she was getting loud until she felt a hand on her lips.

Opening her eyes, she saw he had raised himself up enough to cover her mouth.

"Shhh," he managed to say between his own groans that he was keeping at a much more reasonable volume than her.

Nodding, she gripped his hand more firmly against her mouth. Leaning even further forward set up a perfect angle for her clit to rub against him as she moved and, in doing so, proceeded to cry out her pleasure into his hand.

Her muffled sounds of pleasure vibrating against his skin fueled him further as he fought to hold back until she was satisfied.

When she impossibly increased her rhythm, a loud moan escaped before he clamped his mouth shut. He wasn't sure he could last much longer.

Then her silenced cries turned to her biting his palm when she found her orgasm.

He shot off a split second later, exploding in one hell of a release that left him seeing stars.

When she fell forward onto him, exhausted in her own bliss but still capable of moving her hips around restlessly and seductively, he reached to grab her ass and pulled her even closer to him, moving his hips with hers.

He knew he needed to remove the condom, but he desperately wanted to stay inside her as long as possible. Their time back in November was nothing like this and everything like the night they conceived James. It reminded him why he fell so hard for her back then, why he knew back then that she was the one.

When he finally managed to pull himself away from her to clean up, throw on a pair of boxer briefs, and unlock the door, he felt the tension in the air.

She was still worried he was going to leave, even though he… well, actually he hadn't told her he wasn't going anywhere.

He quickly slid back into bed next to her, this time under the covers, and felt the tension disappear immediately when she joined him under the sheets and cuddled next to him.

She didn't ask for the words, so he didn't think he needed to say them. Actions spoke louder than words, didn't they? He wasn't going to leave this time. He told her he would try to do this. He wanted to do this. He fully believed they could do this.

And then he could be truly happy.

Finally.

---

"Where's Mommy?"

Hope wondered out of the peaceful depths of sleep, roused by a muffled little voice.

"She's still sleeping," she heard Ryan's voice from the other room. "Let's wake James and get dressed before she gets up. We'll surprise her, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy," Charlie agreed immediately.

Hope sighed deeply.

Daddy.

Something else they still needed to talk about.

After the night they spent together, she was feeling more hopeful about their future than ever. She woke a few times, once for the bathroom, the other times were her getting used to sleeping next to someone again.

Every time she woke, he was right there with her sleeping soundly. Their limbs tangled up in each other.

She already knew she could spend the rest of her life sleeping with him. Just as she knew she could spend every single waking moment of her life with him as well.

As impossible as it sounded, she began falling in love with him the night they met. She spent five years hiding from that truth because it wouldn't change anything. He was still the guy she thought didn't want children. And she was still married to someone else. She did everything she could to fix her marriage and live happily ever after with the man she promised to love, honor, and cherish until death. There was no room in that promise for the complex feelings she refused to admit existed—even if a constant reminder was right in front of her every day.

She had known for a few months now that she was truly in love with Ryan. She just couldn't acknowledge it to herself until Rafael forced it to the forefront by asking. Part of her was still a little ashamed she could move on so quickly after Landon's death, even though she knew she had already moved on long before. Rafael's easy acceptance helped her stop fighting herself so she could finally give in to those feelings.

Admitting she loved Ryan was the easy part.

Wondering if he would ever love her, that was the hard part.

They needed to take things slowly though, emotionally at least.

They had no problem physically, as they proved to one another the night before.

She smirked as the new memories bombarded her.

When he told her he was willing to try on Christmas morning, she had promised herself to do everything she could to make him see how good it could be between them.

She was very optimist and hopeful, though without the promise of more, and with so many things still uncertain…

Charlie really shouldn't be calling him Daddy.

Family? Yes. He would always be family to Charlie and to Hope, no matter what happened between them in the future.

But, until Ryan committed completely, she shouldn't let Charlie call him that.

Before rising to get ready for the day, she resolved to talk to Ryan about it.

Then she needed to find a good time to gently correct Charlie.

---

She meant to broach the subject with Ryan during the kids' naptime, but the topic completely slipped her mind after an eventful morning.

Since it was their last day of vacation, the kids decided to spend Saturday morning skiing before snow tubing, same as they did at the beginning of the week.

Skiing down a super easy beginner slope with the kids, all four of them were having a blast until Hope heard a warning shout behind her.

Craning her neck to look, she saw a kid was careening haphazardly down the slope. The slope wasn't steep so a collision wouldn't be horrendous, but since the kid couldn't gain control, impact with Hope was imminent.

The shout was from a frantic parent trying to catch up.

"Pizza! Triangle!" Hope shouted. "Point your tips at each other!"

She made a shape of a triangle in air with her arms, but the kid either couldn't do it or was too scared and had frozen up.

In a last ditch effort, she made a sweeping gesture to get the kid to move the skis even a little bit to the other side.

When that didn't work, since Hope was guiding Charlie at the time, she grabbed her under the arms, yanked her to her chest, and fell sideways into the snow out of the way.

She tried to pull her skis out of the path, but the kid slid into the backs of them before she could. Her boot bindings released her boots from the skis, preventing added pressure on her ankles.

At least hitting her skis finally stopped the kid.

"Bryce!" the mother cried out, catching up to them and taking hold of his arm. "You've got to stay with me until you learn to stop!"

"Are you okay?" Ryan called out as he trekked sideways across the snow, trying to get to Hope and Charlie while pulling James next to him. The two were further down from the rest.

"Yes!" the woman cried out, turning belatedly. "Are you okay? I am so sorry! I tried to get to him."

"Yeah," Hope said, sitting up and looking Charlie over. "I am at least. Are you okay, sweetie?"

She couldn't see Charlie's face with the helmet and visor, but Charlie nodded.

"Does anything hurt at all?" Hope asked, wanting to be sure before she helped her stand.

Charlie shook her head.

"Use your words," Hope said. "Does anything hurt?"

"No," Charlie said.

"Okay, I'm going to help you up," Hope explained. "If anything starts to hurt, tell me immediately, okay?"

Charlie nodded.

"Use your words," Hope said again. "If it hurts, tell me immediately, okay?"

"Okay," Charlie said.

Hope shifted to her knees then picked Charlie up and set her gently on her skis.

Charlie didn't say anything as Hope got her into position.

"Doing okay?" Hope asked again.

"Yes," Charlie said, remembering to speak.

"Good," Hope said. "Ski down to Ryan. Stay with him and James until I join you, okay?"

"I will," Charlie said.

"Ryan!" Hope called out. "She's coming to you."

Ryan nodded and held onto James with one hand while reaching toward Charlie with the other.

"Slowly, Charlie," he encouraged.

Charlie easily made her way to Ryan.

Hope looked around at her own situation.

"Can I help?" the woman asked, still hovering anxiously. "Here!"

She reached down to pick up the skis and handed them to Hope.

"Thanks," Hope said, taking one than the other from her, laying them sideways across the slope.

Now she just needed to get up and attach her boots to the skis again.

Rising from her kneeling position to put one boot in the snow at a time, she was relieved when she didn't feel any pain.

"So far so good," she muttered.

The woman helped by offering a steady arm to hold onto as she got the skis latched onto her feet again.

"Okay," Hope said when they were in place. "All set. I think."

"Thank goodness," the woman said. "Again, I am so sorry."

"Maybe have him practice a little more on the training hill?" Hope suggested.

The woman nodded immediately.

"Oh, yes, yes, definitely," she agreed.

Hope bit her lip from reminding her that he should've known how to stop prior to ever trying the bigger hill. The rules of skiing were in place and needed to be respected for a reason—to prevent accidents.

She sensed that her suggestion in the guise of a reprimand was already enough of a warning though.

"Be careful," Hope said to the boy instead before she glided toward her family.

"Okay?" Ryan asked, the worry sounding loud and clear even through his face covering.

"Yeah," she said, releasing a breath and relaxing her shoulders. She turned her neck to stretch it out and winced when she felt a slight kink.

"What?" he asked, seeing her stop abruptly.

"Just a twinge," she said, rotating her shoulders and neck again. "I'm fine. Let's finish this run and get some hot chocolate."

"With lots of mini marshmallows!" James called out.

"Yes," Hope said with a smile in her voice. "Of course there will be lots of mini marshmallows!"

The rest of the morning was fun and not nearly as eventful; but, by lunch, every time she turned her neck a certain way, there was a small painful feeling indicating she strained a muscle when she craned her neck to look behind her earlier.

"Still hurts?" Ryan asked, noticing her grimace when she returned to the main room. He was getting a head start on packing while she put the kids down for their nap.

He was still angered by the accident. Beginner slopes were for people to learn because accidents were more likely to happen but that kid hadn't even tried to stop. If Hope hadn't been keeping Charlie between her legs to guide her, if that had been Charlie by herself, that kid could have seriously injured her.

Trying to get back up the slope to them with James while keeping an eye out for other skiers coming behind them had frustrated him too. It was nearly impossible without removing both their skis. Fortunately, Hope and Charlie were already moving before he tried to take them off.

"It's just a strain," she sighed, attempting to tilt her head to the side and stretch the muscle.

"Why don't you go lay down?" he suggested. "I'll take them to the class."

"Not without me, you won't," she declared. "And what am I gonna do? Lie around like a lump? It's not that big a deal. It'll be gone in a few days."

"Every time I think about it," he grimaced. "What if—"

"Nope!" she interrupted, holding her hand up to his face. "No what ifs! Don't think about what could have happened. Be grateful no one was hurt, okay?"

He took the hand in his face and used it to pull her against him.

"Let me worry about you a little longer," he said, wrapping his arms around her.

He did that, didn't he? Hope thought. He worried about her. Just like when Maya was injured and he asked her to stop volunteering. It wasn't because he was trying to control her or tell her what to do. He was worried something would happen to her.

Ryan may not love her yet, but worrying and caring went hand in hand with love.

"What if I agreed to sit down and watch you pack?" she asked impishly, though inside she was doing back flips at the possibility of him loving her.

He laughed; his chest rumbling against her.

"I see what you did there," he said.

"As you said," she pulled back and fluttered her eye lashes at him, "I should rest after my fall. Just for a little while."

"You're still going to the class though?"

"Are you kidding?" she said. "This is Charlie's first friend. That I know of anyway. I have to be there."

"She does seem pretty excited," he remarked, thinking of Charlie's uncharacteristic babbling during lunch. She couldn't wait to build things in the class, and she couldn't wait to see Simone again.

James was the type of kid that made friends easily, so he wasn't more excited than he would normally be. Tell him he was spending the afternoon with his best friend, Timmy Cho, then yes, James would be running around like that would make the time pass faster.

"She is!" Hope grinned and pulled away to sit on the couch and watch him work. "And I promise we'll take it easy the rest of the day. We'll just stroll through the village after class, do a little shopping, eat dinner at that cute little pizza shop we passed, come back, and finish packing while the kids play before bed."

"You've always got it all figured out, don't you?" he asked.

"Always," she said. "And then we can turn in early so we can leave as early as you want tomorrow. It will be a long drive back."

"… not too early," he corrected.

"Are you suggesting another date tonight?" she teased.

"Not sure how our third could possibly top our first or second," he said as he started stuffing unicorns into a suitcase. "But I'll figure something out."

"Wait… when was our second?" she asked.

"What do you think this is right now?" he said, spreading his arms out.

"Spending an hour packing while the kids sleep?" she answered truthfully.

"No," he said. "It's you watching me while I work. I've been told manual labor can be attractive."

She snickered.

"I'll just liken it to us getting a cup of coffee, I suppose," she said thoughtfully.

"Don't forget to appreciate my deadweight lift of each toy car," he said.

"Oh, I would never," she said. "I'll also be sure to appreciate every time you bend over to pick one up."

"Best second date ever," he smirked.

She laughed and shook her head.

Caring, considerate, wicked smart, sexy, and arrogant plus compassionate and an incredible sense of humor? If this really was a second date, she would already know she would be going on many more dates with this person.

"Think we'll ever have a real date?" she asked. "One that doesn't involve waiting for the kids to sleep?"

"Oh yeah," he said, quirking his lips in amusement. "You might miss the giant slinky though."

He held up the springy toy that had fascinated James from the moment he opened it.

She giggled.

"Maybe put that in a bag by itself so nothing gets tangled in it," she offered.

"At least you're not telling me where to put everything," he said, going to find a bag.

"I'm not that much of a control freak," she said.

"Only in the best ways," he said, stuffing the slinky in the bag and putting it into the suitcase.

"What does that mean?" she asked.

"When you get all controlling in the bedroom," he replied. "That's pretty hot."

"You hold your own too," she was quick to point out.

"Oh, I know," his eyes flashed. "I think it's my turn to show you exactly how controlling I can be."

She shivered at the look in his eyes.

Suddenly she wanted it to be later that night right now.

"Looking forward to it," she said breathlessly.

How soon was bedtime?

---

"Mommy, help?"

Hope's heart always melted just a little every time James looked for her and asked for help. Her little boy was growing up so fast. He was learning to become independent and wanted to do it all by himself. She missed the days when he turned to her for everything.

She knew as he grew older he would come to her asking for guidance with a million different things, but the simple ones—like how to stop the clay pot walls from sinking in—were the ones she already knew the answer to.

"The walls are a little too thin," she explained. "Make them a little shorter and thicker. That should fix it."

"Okay!" James exclaimed, getting back to work.

She glanced at the girls but resisted hovering over them.

Charlie and Simone had gotten their supplies, sat together, listened to the instructions, talked quietly to themselves, and then got to work.

Hope kept waiting for Charlie to ask her for help but she never did. So, she reluctantly rejoined her group at the side of the room.

"At least one of them still needs me," she joked good naturedly.

"They grow up so fast," Ryan teased her.

"Not that fast," she poked him. "I'm proud of her."

"I am too," he replied.

"Anyone figure out what the girls are making yet?" David asked.

"It's definitely not a cup," Ryan said, noting the balls and thin lines of clay the girls had rolled out.

"I could ask?" Candace suggested.

"I'd rather keep guessing," David said.

Hope was going to remind Ryan that Charlie wanted to build another snowman, but at David's words she decided not to.

She leaned against Ryan, pleased. The kids were happy, Charlie and her new friend were getting along well, and Ryan and David seemed to hit it off as well as she had with Candace.

She was definitely getting that phone number before they left.

"Everything still needs to go into a kiln, right?" Candace asked. "Do we have to wait for that?"

"No," Hope shook her head. "It's air dry clay. If they used the other stuff, it would take days to dry before firing up the kiln. No, we'll take what they make home. I think they're putting them on wax paper in a box. Once they dry at home, the kids can paint them."

"Do we need special paint for that?" Candace asked.

"I have plenty that'll work," Hope reassured her. "Maybe the girls could get together to paint them once we get back?"

Candace's eyes widened slightly as she thought it over.

"You know… I think Simone would love that."

Hope grinned.

---

"Am I sleeping in there with Charlie again?" James asked.

Ryan nodded as he finished tugging James' night shirt over his head. Normally James dressed himself, but Ryan was a bit eager to put the kids to bed.

Hope gave Charlie her bath in their room while he took care of James.

"But, why?" James asked as he squeezed toothpaste onto his brush. "Are we watching another movie?"

Ryan knew it was nearly their bedtime. Packing had taken longer than anticipated that evening, especially since Hope purchased a few too many souvenirs for herself and the kids.

"No, we're going to read you both a story, and it'll be easier if you're in the same bed," he explained.

"But I slept with you before," James said around a mouthful of paste. "Can't I sleep with you tonight, Daddy?"

Inwardly he groaned.

How could he possibly say no to that?

"You need to learn how to say no to them."

Hope's words flittered through his mind and he gritted his teeth. He knew she was right, and he was really looking forward to spending tonight with her. He needed to say no.

"Mommy and I are gonna stay up after you go to sleep," he finally said. "We don't want to wake you. Its best you stay with Charlie."

"Are you gonna sleep with Mommy again?" James asked innocently.

Ryan struggled to keep a straight face at the question.

"Since there's only one other bed, yes," he said. "When it's time to sleep, she'll sleep there and so will I."

He hoped he was explaining everything the way he should.

James rinsed off the toothbrush, handed it to Ryan to put away until morning, and took the hotel provided disposable cup filled with water from the sink ledge.

Swishing and spitting happily, he made quick work of finishing the chore and handing the cup to his father when he was done.

"Do we really gotta go home tomorrow?" James asked, switching topics.

"Yes," Ryan said. "We'll be leaving early."

"Like, super early?" James asked.

"Yes," Ryan said. "It's a long drive. You'll probably be asleep by the time we get home."

"But I don't wanna leave," James complained.

"All vacations have to end some time," Ryan explained. "We can come back again though."

"Really!?"

"Yep," Ryan nodded. "Did you like spending Christmas here?"

"Yeah!" James said, nodding.

"Maybe we can do it again next year," he said even though he wasn't sure if he should. They could at least come to the resort again even if it wasn't during Christmas.

"Okay!" James said. "I still wish we could stay longer."

"Well, I happen to know there are a few people who can't wait for you to come back home," he said.

He actually wanted to stay longer too since he didn't have to return to work until after the New Year. Hope agreed to a week but didn't want to make her in-laws wait that far after Christmas to see the kids.

He acknowledged it was probably a good idea when he saw how exhausted she was. She needed a vacation from her vacation. When he asked her about it, she only said "'Maya and Me Time' will cure all." Whatever that meant.

"Who!?" James asked.

"Your grandma, grandpa—"

"And Uncle Raf!" James finished, bouncing.

"Right," he said. "Apparently they have some gifts for you."

James nodded.

"I have a present for them too!" he said.

"I'm sure they'll love it," Ryan said.

He wasn't looking forward to seeing the Waithes again. He knew it was necessary though. He hadn't been forced to spend the holiday with them at least, but he needed to be there for family gatherings with his son. All family gatherings.

"Let's get you to bed," Ryan said, standing and collecting James' dirty laundry to put in the designated bag in the main room. "The sooner you sleep, the sooner you'll get to see them."

"I get to pick the book!" James said, running from the room.

"Ask Charlie to help," Ryan called out, following him.

"Okay!" James called back over his shoulder.

Ryan grinned.

Spending time one-on-one with James always filled him with the most satisfying warmth.

He loved that kid more than he ever thought possible.

---

Hope was feeling pretty great.

She got the Matthews' number before they went their separate ways after class. She sent Candace a text immediately so she would have her number as well. They agreed to wait until after the New Year to get the girls together since there was still so much to do with vacation and family.

Everything was pretty much packed except for a few odds and ends she would put away in the morning.

The kids fell asleep during the story, falling back into their usual pattern easily.

She was a bit worried the break from a story to watch a movie would make them ask for movies instead from now on. She wasn't going to put televisions in their rooms at home, not for a very long time anyway. She would much rather the kids spend their time playing. Plus, she was pretty sure Charlie had watched enough TV in her young life already.

Now that the kids were in bed, Ryan suggested she enjoy the hot tub while he took some of the bags out to start loading the car. She reminded him the porter could do that tomorrow, but he figured the less they had to do in the morning, the better. She took that to mean he wanted to sleep a little later than the five o'clock alarm she intended to set.

Sitting on the big bed, she reached for her phone and changed the alarm to six. She knew the drive tomorrow would take forever and if he wanted a little more rest, all he had to do was say so. Sometimes he was a little too considerate.

Or, maybe she really was just that much of a control freak.

Speaking of control… she wondered into the large bathroom and glanced around.

It really would be a shame to go the entire week using the hot tub all alone every night…

With a devilish quirk to her lips, she changed out of her clothes and pulled on the fluffy hotel provided robe. Then she went back to sit on the bed and wait for his return.

He wanted to be in control tonight but surely he wouldn't mind joining her in the jacuzzi if she made the suggestion.

"Hey," he said, coming into the room some time later. "Done already?"

"Haven't started yet," she said, noticing he was quick to lock the door behind him. "I was waiting for you."

He settled on the bed next to her, glancing at her neck.

"You don't want to soak it?" he asked.

"Oh, I do," she said. "Just figured you could join me."

His grin told her exactly how much he liked that idea.

"Let me loosen it for you first," he suggested.

She wasn't going to turn that down.

"If you insist," she turned her back to him. "Do you know what you're doing?"

His warm hands touching the skin at her neck instantly relaxed her.

"I've done some research on the topic," he said, smoothing the skin. "Where's it hurt most?"

"The left side," she said, moving her head to the right to give him access.

He started moving his fingers in a small circular motion around the area.

The tension in her muscles eased and she let out an involuntary moan.

"I'm really good at research," he murmured.

She made a sound of agreement.

"Date number three is kicking off well," he said.

"Mmhmm," she sounded. "Aren't we supposed to talk on these dates? Get to know each other better?"

"Right," he said, continuing to move his fingers, spreading to other areas to release any and all tension he felt in her. "So… why Richmond? Your father's girlfriend?"

"Fiancé," she said, rolling her head when he started working on the other side of her neck. "And no. My Dad's parents originally met and settled in Mystic Falls. It's a little town west of Richmond, not that far. That's where Dad met Caroline. My grandfather's family home base was in New Orleans though, so they moved to the family manor when he inherited it. That was before my Uncle Elijah was born. So, my family does have history nearby, but I really came to Richmond for school. I was a spider."

"University of Richmond," he said, continuing his movements and nodding, recognizing the name of the school's mascot. "Why that one if you grew up in New Orleans?"

"Because it has a top notch business program," she said. "It may not be Ivy but its close enough."

"With the way you talk about family, it seems far," he said. It was a bit perplexing. If family meant so much to her, why was she so far away from home?

She shook her head then regretted it when she felt the muscle strain twinge.

He moved back over to the affected area and she sighed gratefully.

"My parents were gone, remember?" she said. "Home had too many memories… When Uncle Finn suggested it, I thought it would be a good change. Plus, there would still be family close by."

"Finn…" he raised an eyebrow in thought. "That's right, Finn Mikaelson. He was governor of Virginia when you were in college?"

"Yep," she said. "He was the second oldest of the Mikaelson brood. He always missed Virginia so he came back when he was old enough. Worked his way up to run and won. Believe me, the official government dinners were a total snooze fest though."

She remembered that time fondly. She never spent a lot of time with her father's oldest brother until she moved for school since he had long since left for Virginia before she was born.

"So, no networking done at all back then?" he asked.

"I didn't say that," she laughed.

"Is that… when you met Landon?" He wasn't sure he should ask, or if he really wanted to know, but he was part of her past and if he wanted to know everything…

"No, I didn't meet him until after I graduated," she said. "I interned with my uncle for a bit, working with some of his favorite charities. Those business dinner connections led to some of my best investments actually. But, no, I met Landon at a party. One filled with everybody who was anybody, from bigwig CEOs to the most successful music artists of the time. He tagged along with an artist he was working with."

"And you stayed in Richmond ever since," he concluded.

"I love the area and it has mostly good memories here," she said. "I go back home when I can. I talk to family on the group chat, and there's a Mikaelson email chain too. But Richmond is where I settled down and started my own family."

She trailed off then continued.

"Its home for James and I'm happy where I'm at," she said.

She turned slightly before thinking better of it.

"What about you?" she asked. "We always seem to talk more about me. Why are you in Richmond?"

Ryan grew silent as his hands drifted further across her shoulders, rubbing circles, being deliberate with his thumbs.

"Ryan?"

"…Six years ago I received a job offer," he began finally. "I came to town for an interview and let them shower me in gifts, trying to convince me to stay."

Drawing in a deep breath, memories bombarded her.

She knew this.

"I wasn't sure if I would, but then…" his voice trailed off before he started again. "I met someone."

"Ryan…"

"I decided to take the job the night I met her," he said. "There was no way I could leave when she lived there. Even after she left without a word… I couldn't stand the thought of not being around if she ever changed her mind."

"You stayed for me?" she asked, her throat growing tight.

He cleared his throat.

"One city was as good as the other," he said, shrugging it off. "There was nothing keeping me at my other job, so why not take the new one? The benefits were better anyway."

"You moved from Roanoke, didn't you?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said. "How did you know?"

"That's where Landon was born too," she said. "Before he was adopted."

"Mom never moved," he said. "Since it was paid off, I kept the house while I was in college, then came back home to work. But there was nothing there, not really. So selling the house and moving to Richmond was the next logical step."

Except none of it was logical. He sold his childhood home and moved to Richmond because of her. And she left him. He went through with it anyway because he was holding on to that night.

He was hoping she would come back.

And she never did.

"Ryan," she pulled away and turned toward him fully. "I—"

"Shhh," he silenced her with a finger to her lips. "It was my choice. You don't have anything to apologize for."

"Besides leaving without a word?" she said, swallowing around the lump in her throat.

He didn't answer and she took that as an answer in and of itself. She already apologized months ago. Still, she felt like she needed to again.

"Start the water while I change," he said before she could say anything else.

She struggled to hold in the apology he didn't want and nodded.

"Starting the demands already," she forced the joke.

"Just getting started," he smirked, parroting her promise from the night before.

Hope rose to do his bidding, her thoughts jumbled because of his revelation. She knew she hurt him by never searching for him to tell him about James. She knew it was a crappy thing to do too, leaving him like he was a forgettable one night stand despite her note.

She never realized how profoundly she affected his life even before he learned about James.

Turning the faucet to a deliciously hot temperature, she stared at the water, trying to make sense of everything.

"Stop," he mumbled into her ear from behind. "Whatever you're thinking about, it's not what you should be thinking."

"So now you're controlling my thoughts too?" she murmured, shivering at how close his lips were.

"If you're not anticipating getting in that tub and letting me slide in behind you, then I'm not doing a good job, am I?" he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Getting better every second," she said, resting her arms on his and tilting her head to the left, presenting him with the side of her neck that wasn't strained but was still humming from his skilled massage. "What else could you do to inspire anticipation?"

"I could do this…" he murmured, trailing his lips over her proffered neck in a whisper of a kiss.

She closed her eyes and marveled at his ability to switch her libido from zero to three hundred with just the ghost of a touch.

"Or…" he continued, shifting his hands to find the tie on her robe. "I could remind you you're the only one wearing one of these."

She gasped and sank further against him.

How had she not realized he was already naked? He did say he was going to change. Why did she think he meant a robe? They were getting into the water together—sans robes, of course.

"Then I guess you should rectify that," she managed to gasp out. They had barely touched and she was already on edge, ready to explode. Where had the sexual intensity come from? Had it ever been like this with him before? Or was it, as he said, her anticipating his every move? Relinquishing control to him was turning her on to nth degree.

His hands slowly undoing the tie on her robe then gently parting the material was way more seductive than it had any right to be.

Pulling the robe open to either side, the material slid down her arms and pooled at her feet.

With the robe's departure, Hope sank against him again, loving the feel of his warm body pressed against her bare skin.

His arms slipped around her waist once more but only long enough for him to lean in to murmur in her ear.

"It's full enough."

Remembering they were waiting for the tub to fill, she reluctantly pulled herself away and climbed in. The heat from the tub surrounding her already steaming body made her throb, her anticipation growing to a blazing ball of need.

She felt, rather than saw him climb into the tub behind her. She remembered his words that he wanted to slide in behind her, so she gave him enough space.

Once in place, the water lapping around them, he turned the faucet off, pressed the button to turn on the jets, and then pulled her back against him.

From that moment on, she was completely at his mercy.

Pressed behind her, she could feel his hardness. His hands roamed from her waist below the gushing water, up to brush against the edge of her breasts, down her arms, and back up to her shoulders and neck where he paused to administer another massage. The circular motion coupled with the heated water had her moaning in ecstasy

He slid his hands down the front of her neck, stroking along the collar bone, then pulled back to reach around beneath her arms, making it easier to reach her front and trail his hands around the sides of her breasts again. Caressing up beneath the heavy weight of them, they rested in his palms. Pressing more firmly, he stroked back and forth around the outer edges only.

She sighed in pleasure, leaning her head against him, and closing her eyes to the sensations.

When his hands left her bosom, she was disappointed only long enough to realize the next area his hands decided to roam, which was down her stomach until he reached the apex of her thighs.

Reaching for the edges of the tub, she gripped the marble and eagerly spread her legs further apart as his fingers caressed her. He spread her open, flooding her with the hot water, and probed her most sensitive places.

Thrashing in the water, she brought her left arm up, grasping at his head behind hers, clutching the dampening curls, twisting to look at him as she desperately needed to kiss him.

"Ryan, please," she moaned.

Angling his head just right, he was able to kiss her without making her strain too much, all while he continued to explore her submerged depths. Using two fingers of one hand to clench her sensitive pebble, he tugged and stroked and twisted while simultaneously pushing one long finger of his other hand inside of her. He crooked his finger and explored her walls.

She panted into his mouth, the kiss lost as the pleasure compounded.

If granting him complete control led to this, she might have to give it up every time.

With his left hand still on her clit, he brought the other up to take her free hand against the wall. Dragging her hand down between her thighs, she jerked when he whispered.

"Touch yourself."

She took over for him, stroking her own clit while the hand that brought hers down moved to resume probing her depths.

His free left hand found her breast once more, this time moving back and forth between gentle caresses and rough squeezes, pinching her nipple before soothing it. The gentle movements ignited her, prolonging her desire when mixed with his rough play.

She felt the pleasure and pain shoot straight to her center and in the next moment she was gasping and pressing against his hand, her fingers dropping away as her orgasm washed over her.

Collapsing against him, her arms and legs limp, she hummed in contentment while he continued stroking her gently between her thighs.

Every muscle in her body relaxed. She would be perfectly happy lying against him like that for the rest of the night. If only the water would stay as hot the entire time.

As if hearing and disagreeing with her thoughts, he reached to turn the jets off.

Silence rained around save for her soft breathing as she recovered. Turning the jets off was probably a good idea, she realized. With the outer door locked, they might not hear the kids over the sound and already a lot of time had passed with the jets on.

She attempted to shift and rest against him sideways in the water, but he had other plans.

"Not done yet," he shook his head.

"Put your hands on that edge," he continued, taking her arms in his hands and indicating the other side of the tub furthest from where they were.

She leaned up, confused. In order to reach that, she needed to stand or…

"On your knees," he finished.

Oh God.

She easily moved through the water, standing on her knees in the tub and bracing herself against the other ledge. She was rewarded when his hands found her ass and he explored what she knew was his favorite part of her anatomy. Stroking and massaging her flesh, she even felt when his mouth joined his fingers. The water level was low enough that he could thoroughly enjoy himself without being waterlogged. Licking, sucking at her skin, biting with gentle nips: she had never been played with like that before and knew it was due to his small fetish. She wasn't complaining.

In fact, she was already turned on again.

This man.

Feeling him nudge her legs further apart, he shifted behind her causing the water to slap around her abruptly. She glanced back to see him standing on his knees with his proud cock jutting toward her. She didn't have to wonder for long what would come next because in the next instant he edged closer to her and guided his cock up and down the crease of her butt.

She breathed out, trepid with an edge of excitement. She wasn't sure she was ready for that, wondered what she would say if he asked.

He didn't even try.

Instead, on the last down stroke, he slid his cock head between her thighs. His flesh moved smoothly against her pulsing lips. He never entered her, only glided along her sensitive slit from behind, making her catch her breath in anticipation.

He gripped her hips and began the most tantalizing teasing movement of her existence as he thrust his hips back and forth. Not penetrating her but leaving her trembling as every inch of him rubbed against every inch of her.

Gasping, she clutched hold of the tub edge tighter.

Once he set the angle and position just right, he started sliding faster and she cried out her pleasure.

"Ryan! Yes! Oh my God! So good! So good!"

Releasing one of her hips, he used that hand to grab one of the firm round globes begging for his attention. Clenching and releasing and kneading her perfect flesh as he continued his fast paced movement.

Unbelievably, before she realized it was coming, she exploded again! Arching her back and pressing her ass against him, she wheezed as her orgasm swept through her.

His movements stilled with her release. She could feel him still pressed behind her, unmoving and extremely hard. She wanted to turn around and give him the best orgasm of his life after what she experienced at his hands. If he didn't say anything soon, she might do just that because she desperately wanted to get her hands on him not the tub.

He leaned over her back and whispered in her ear.

"Get on the bed. Like this."

When he moved away from her, she didn't know whether to be disappointed or excited. She really wanted permission to pleasure him.

Then excitement took over and she managed to crawl out of the tub and made her way to the bed, crawling onto her hands and knees in the center just like he requested. She shivered slightly, remembering she hadn't bothered with a towel in her rush.

Knowing him, he would be warming her up any second anyway.

Anticipation grew as she waited, not looking back until she heard the telltale sign of a wrapper being opened.

"Like this?" she whispered, eyes taking in the vision of him rolling the protection on. He wasn't dripping wet from the tub like her, signifying he made her wait as he dried off. Something she neglected to do in her rush.

"Like this," he confirmed a second before the bed dipped behind her when he joined her.

"I want to touch you too," she couldn't resist saying.

"Next time."

He was on his knees behind her, so close.

She faced forward again, dying for him to enter her. How could she be aching for him yet again so quickly?

His hands found her ass for a second time, moving slowly and gently until, without warning, he smacked her. The mixture of gentle and rough again sent warmth gushing between her thighs with every smack after the first.

When she thought she might be on the verge of coming again, that time without being touched at her core at all, he quickly shifted position so he was flush against her behind once more.

Guiding himself forward, he found her opening from behind and pressed inside of her with one hard, powerful plunge, and she screamed out her pleasure.

"Shhh!" he hissed into her ear, a quick reminder not to be too loud.

Then he gripped her hips and she wasn't sure if she managed to keep her mouth closed because he began pounding deep inside her. Every single push curled her toes, nearly driving her delirious with how perfect he felt.

Each thrust brought him slamming against her hard and fast, the pressure too much for her until she inexplicably came apart with a jagged cry.

He didn't give her any time to recover, keeping up his pace. Her body didn't even need it by then because she was ready to accept anything he gave her.

And he gave her everything.

The sound of their skin smacking and the soft thud of the bed rocking, combined with his heavy panting flooded her ears as she bit her lip to stop from loudly screaming out her pleasure.

She thought he would keep his furious pace until he was done, and he did, but he also switched up and released one of her hips like before. He resumed his earlier slap taps on her ass while he thrust into her mindlessly.

The pain and pleasure warred together inside of her and then she widened her eyes in shock when the desire snuck up on her again and there was no quieting herself as she came in a rush of the most insanely delicious pleasure she had ever felt.

Moments later, his rhythm became erratic. He gripped both hips again and crashed inside her, pressing forward as he found his release, shifting and arching before groaning into her ear as he finally finished.

Collapsing onto her back in utter exhaustion, he wasn't sure he could move again if he tried.

She couldn't hold him up for long and soon fell to the side with him spooned against her.

For long moments she was incapable of movement, unable to believe how incredible the past hour or so of her life had been. Sex with Ryan had always been the best sex of her life, but what he just did?

"Wow," she breathed out, forcing herself to turn over and face him. She loved every single thing he did to her but she missed seeing his face. She wanted to see his every expression while he made love to her.

"Yeah," he managed to agree. He wasn't sure where all of that had come from. Hope invoked this want… need… desire in him. He felt like he could play out any and all fantasies with her and she wouldn't mind one bit. Case in point.

He knew he had to clean them up, but he wasn't sure moving would ever be possible again.

Before he could make an attempt, she pulled away and took care of it herself, rising to go to the bathroom, flush it, clean up, and dry off. She was the one to unlock the door this time after wrapping herself in her robe.

He pushed back the covers to maneuver himself underneath then reached out for her when she returned. She settled in with her front pressed against him. He sighed in contentment as he rested his forehead against hers.

"I can't believe vacation is already over," she said softly.

Neither could he. Returning home wasn't something he looked forward to at all.

"What else do we gotta do in the morning?" he asked.

"Toiletries, pajamas, the rest of the bags."

"So we don't actually have to get up at five?" he asked hopefully. Currently, his mind and body only wanted to stay in bed with her.

"Already changed the alarm to six," she said, amused.

"Six it is then," he murmured thankfully.

Then he pressed against her and kissed her softly. His lips lingered on hers, gently enjoying her until they both fell into a deep sleep.

Some worries tried to enter his mind about returning to Richmond. Hope and sleep chased those worries away before he could give them life.

---

Sunday.

Hope woke feeling sore in all the right places and completely on cloud nine.

Since the alarm hadn't gone off yet, she snuggled closer to a sleeping Ryan and thought about all the possibilities for their next 'date'. Did she want the official dinner date? Maybe next Friday? She could ask Maya or Rafael to watch the kids. Or they could keep doing their little impromptu 'dates' that were turning out to be some of the best moments.

She laughed to herself, feeling giddy.

For the first time, she felt confident in the possibility of a future with Ryan. She allowed herself to dream about that future. She could see it all so clearly. Waking together every morning, raising James and Charlie together, spending every evening as a family before the kids went to bed and it was just them spending time together. Loving each other. Having or adopting other children along the way to become a part of their family. The way he told her that he did want kids, and the way he accepted Charlie so readily, more than told her he was on the same page as her there.

That was all she ever wanted. To be happily married to a man who loved her and whom she loved, and raise a whole bunch of kids together.

Ryan was definitely not there yet, but he must have worked through the worst of his issues since he decided to try.

She burrowed her face into his chest, seeking out his warmth, feeling completely at home in his arms.

She loved him.

Hopefully he would fall in love with her too.

Sooner rather than later.

---

Loading the car with luggage and kids took a little longer than anticipated, giving them an even later start, but Ryan didn't mind the delay.

An ominous feeling had begun rising in him any time someone mentioned returning home. Putting that feeling off and refusing to acknowledge it helped him get through the entire journey back to Hope's house.

The feeling came back with a vengeance as he drove down the main street to her home much later that evening and hit him solidly when he parked in her driveway.

Her house. Her home.

The place she once lived with Landon. The brother he barely thought about during vacation. The brother he promised himself he would remain loyal to even after his death.

He tried to shake it off, tried to remind himself he agreed to try. He just couldn't remember why he agreed to it, especially when faced with one of his reasons not to try.

Remembering one made the other reasons tumble through his mind like a domino effect.

Shaking his head to clear it, he focused on the task at hand.

The kids were asleep. They arrived past their bedtime.

"I'll get the kids," Hope said, glancing at the backseat with a soft smile. "Want to start bringing everything in? I'll help you after I get them settled."

He nodded and cleared his suddenly dry throat.

"Sure," he answered. "You're okay with James?"

"He's not too big yet," she said. "I got him."

While she went to carry Charlie to her room, he unlocked the front door for her. Then he began bringing their luggage in. He wasn't sure where she wanted it all, but he lugged the ones he assumed were clothing—since he hadn't packed toys in them—down to the first floor laundry room.

She passed him in between loads, going back for James, and then joined him for the final load which consisted of bags of toys that they took to the family room.

He plopped the bags down off to the side, taking in the rather large artificial tree they decorated weeks ago. The tree was completely surrounded. Large wrapped boxes, and there were even larger things covered by drape cloths. He wondered what she had hidden beneath those.

"You weren't kidding about not taking everything up the mountain," he said.

She dropped the last of the bags and laughed.

"I may have gone a little overboard," she shrugged. "But its Charlie's first Christmas with us and she needed a few more things than usual."

Part of him wanted to keep talking, but the part of him that was glad they managed to unload the car without words knew it was time for him to go.

"Pretty sure that's the last of your stuff," he said, shoving his hands awkwardly into his pockets, wrapping his fingers around the truck keys. "I'll… see you tomorrow morning."

She swiveled her head to look at him in surprise.

"You can stay," she said. "Not like you really need an invitation, but… you have one."

"I've been gone all week," he made up on the fly. "I need to check on my place. Unpack. Get started on my laundry. Grab my mail."

"Yeah, b-but…" she stumbled over her words. "You can do laundry here? And don't you want to be here when the kids wake up… for this?" She gestured to the gifts.

"I do, and I will," he said quickly. "But I also have my own gifts, the ones that aren't card size. I'll bring them over early to mix them in. Before they wake up."

"I…" she drifted off. "Okay… I guess I'll see you in the morning then."

She walked over to him, and he didn't know how to resist kissing her even if he wanted to. Her lips met his easily in a sweet goodbye kiss and he relaxed into it, holding her close.

When he pulled away, his world was nearly back in focus.

He didn't want to leave her. He wanted to stay, but he couldn't go to that room. Not the one she once shared with Landon. He needed to go home. He needed to get his head on straight. He didn't want to hurt her. He wanted her.

But he couldn't stay.

The evening would be spent figuring out, in the privacy of his own home, what to do.

He made her a promise—a promise that broke the one he made to himself—and he wasn't sure if he could keep it.

---

There was a wall.

Was there a wall?

Hope worried her bottom lip as she watched him pull out of the driveway.

He hadn't closed off from her like he did when they had sex before Thanksgiving, but his leaving felt like something was wrong.

She didn't know what to do.

Was he putting up a wall? Was he really going to do that to her again?

Or, maybe she was reading too much into it. Maybe all of what he said was the truth. It did make sense.

Maybe he would stay the next night. They could talk and he could reassure her he wasn't trying to change things on her once more.

Shooting off a quick text message, knowing he wouldn't read it until he got home, she went back inside to begin unpacking. There was a lot to do after all. He probably just wanted to get his own over with and she couldn't fault him for that.

Don't forget an overnight bag tomorrow ;)

---

He kissed her in greeting.

A quick peck on the lips.

He didn't arrive with a bag though.

Sure, he had gift bags she helped him carry inside. The only bag he was lacking was one filled with his own clothes.

He didn't intend to stay that night either.

Tears stung at her eyes with the realization and she wanted to ask him about it. She couldn't ask him yet because the kids chose that moment to come down the stairs.

"Hey, you two," Hope said, pushing her emotions back. "Remember I said someone would make a stop here too?"

"Santa!" James exclaimed, all the sleepiness falling away as excitement took over.

Charlie squeaked in joy.

"Do you want breakfast or presents first?" she asked.

"Presents!" they both shouted before running for the family room.

"Why am I not surprised?" Ryan said bemused, watching them.

"Is everything okay?" she decided to ask. She couldn't help it. She was feeling that wall even though he hadn't said a word.

"Yeah," he nodded with a smile, one that might have made her relax if she didn't know better. "Let's go join them."

"Okay…" she murmured.

---

In retrospect, she really wished she remembered to find the time to talk to Ryan about Charlie calling him Daddy. Or, at the very least, she should have spoken to Charlie. Ryan could have been told afterwards.

If she had spoken with Charlie, perhaps the events of later that day could have been prevented.

Or, maybe it would have happened either way.

During gift time, she could almost pretend Sunday evening didn't happen. She sat with Ryan to watch the kids open everything and it was like nothing changed. He easily accepted her cuddling into his side, even wrapping an arm around her and leaving it there until they had to get up for the big reveals.

The big reveals being, first, the kids got a big play kitchen to share, as well as a miniature play house. The kitchen was for them to play with inside, the house to play with outside near the playground equipment. The kids were ecstatic and immediately wanted to play with them. She figured it was time to get Charlie something larger than just a toy. She decided it would be better to gift it to both of them though, especially the kitchen. Males loved to cook just as much as females after all.

They each still had one more big gift after that.

Hope had Ryan pull the cloth off of James' gift as she drew the cloth off of Charlie's.

James' shriek at seeing the kid size red jeep was ear wincing.

Charlie was uncertain when she saw her own kid size jeep in blue.

"This is so cool!" James screamed, running to climb into the driver's side. "Can I drive it!? Can I? Can I!?"

"Let your dad take it outside," Hope said, squatting next to Charlie. "You can have free rein to drive in the yard."

She was very happy she remembered to have Bridget charge the cars. Hope put them together a couple weeks ago and stored them in Landon's old studio. Neither of the kids ever went down that hallway but she kept the door locked anyway.

James stopped himself from climbing in even though he desperately wanted to.

"Daddy!" he demanded. "Outside! Outside! Please?"

"What about breakfast?" Ryan asked.

"Later, Daddy!" James said, jumping from foot to foot. "Please?"

"Its fine, Ryan," Hope said, smiling. "They can drive around to get a feel for them before breakfast. Oh, and there's a remote for you on the passenger seat." Which was how Bridget was easily able to bring them down the hall to put beneath the tree.

"A remote?" Ryan asked, looking around and picking it up. "What for?"

"A parental override in case he gets out of control. So, mister," she said to James. "Make sure you stay on the flat areas and no aiming for walls or your father will put on the brakes."

"Okay!" James exclaimed. "Come on, Daddy!"

"Okay, okay," Ryan said, tucking the remote into his back pocket and easily lifting the car. "Get the back door for me."

"Okay!" James went running.

"Do you need help with Charlie's?" Ryan asked Hope.

"No, we're good," she reassured him with a smile. "Just need to introduce Charlie to how it works, right, honey?"

Charlie nodded solemnly.

As the other two left, Hope patiently guided Charlie through the jeep's features. Charlie refused to get into it until she knew what everything was for. Then she still refused until they went out back to see James drive his.

That was her daughter. She learned by watching, not doing. She didn't jump right in like James. Charlie wanted to know everything before she did it. She was her own person, with her own unique traits, and Hope couldn't adore her more.

It wasn't long before both kids were successfully driving their jeeps around and having the time of their lives.

Standing next to Ryan, both of them keeping the remote controls at the ready, she found herself relaxing like nothing had ever been off between them. He grinned at her whenever the kids did something extra adorable. Even leaning into her side at one point and wrapping an arm around her just as they had been doing since they watched the kids at the snow fort.

She knew better than to let her guard down, and she reminded herself of that fact moments after she allowed herself to relax. She knew better. She knew him. She had tried to convince herself all was well, but it wasn't.

They needed to talk.

Speaking to him at the kids' naptime turned out to be impossible unfortunately.

"They're down," she said, returning to the family room where he had already begun cleaning up and stowing toys away. "Can we—"

"I gotta go," he interrupted her, looking at the time on his phone. "I still have to return the rental."

Rental? Oh. Right. He rented the vehicle for the trip.

"Oh," she said softly, disappointed. "Don't you need a ride for that?"

Not that she could be his ride, but maybe she could convince him to do it later when they could all go with him. She wished he had mentioned it before now. They could've already had it done before the kids' nap. Then she could talk to him. Not that he knew she wanted to talk.

Or, did he?

"The rental place is near my condo," he said. "They'll give me a ride home."

"Oh," she said again, feeling silly for repeating herself. Why was she all of a sudden feeling awkward with him again? Shouldn't all the awkwardness between them be gone, especially after everything they did on vacation?

"Will you be back by four?" she asked.

"I should be," he said. "Why?"

"My in-laws are coming over," she said.

"Oh," it was his turn to say.

The strained look on his face was not missed by her.

"They want to see the kids, exchange gifts, have dinner," she said. "If you'd rather skip it, you could come back later? After dinner?"

She understood if he wanted to miss it, but she really didn't think there would be any more problems like Thanksgiving.

She should have known better.

He let out a deep sigh and shook his head.

"No, I should be here," he said. "I'll be back. What time are you starting dinner? I can keep the kids out of the kitchen."

"I'm not," she replied. "Raf's picking up from this fancy Italian place we all love. I hope that's okay with you?"

She probably should have asked him before now. Ryan had never gone there with them, but it was the restaurant she and the Waithes had most of their celebratory dinners at. Rafael was picking up a couple trays of chicken parmesan and shrimp alfredo, along with salad, garlic bread, and cheesecake.

"It's fine," he returned. "I'll see you later."

"See you…"

She watched him leave, feeling bereft again.

He didn't kiss her goodbye.

Maybe he was just really not looking forward to seeing the Waithes.

Or, maybe she needed to stop searching for excuses and find out the truth.

---

"Grandma! Grandpa!"

Even Ryan's wary vibes couldn't prevent Hope from grinning when the kids saw their grandparents and ran to them.

Lucia crouched to accept James' hug as Walt bent to sweep Charlie up into his arms.

"We've missed you two," Lucia said with a big smile.

James looked up with a beaming smile of his own.

"I missed you too, Grandma," James said. "You have got to see what Santa brought us!"

"Can I get a hug first?" Walt asked, smiling at James while Charlie sat on his hip and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Yes!" James hugged his legs. "I got a jeep!"

"You did?" Walt asked. "I didn't know you had your license yet."

"What's that?" James asked curiously.

"You need a license to drive a car," Walt explained patiently.

"Oh," James said. "It's not a car like for Mommy. It's a car for me!"

"And me," Charlie volunteered. "I got a jeep too."

"You did?" Lucia said, smiling at her granddaughter, coming over to pat her back and kiss her forehead in greeting.

Charlie nodded.

"It's blue," she said.

"Mine's red!" James exclaimed, taking Lucia's hand and pulling on it. "They're charging now but you can still see them!"

"Guess we're following that one," Walt said with amusement as he followed behind James tugging his wife out of the room.

"And I guess I'm putting these in the kitchen?" Rafael said, holding up a big box with tin foil trays stacked. There were bags hanging from both arms as well.

"Yes!" Hope exclaimed, reaching for the box. "I'll take that."

"Nah, I'm good," Rafael said, turning. "It's not that heavy."

Hope followed to help him anyway.

Ryan was left standing in the foyer, wondering what he should do with himself.

Maybe being here along with the Waithes really was a bad idea. But, no, these were his son's grandparents he reminded himself for the millionth time. He needed to be around them regularly.

He ran a hand down his face, sighing.

Last night he barely got any sleep. He did everything he told Hope he was going to do and then he tossed and turned all night. He wished she was in bed next to him. Things really had been going well between them.

The truth was he could see them together, just like he always imagined before he found out about Landon and James. He could see them sleeping together every night; see them raising the kids and more. He could see them being the family of his dreams. It was all so clear and within his grasp if he just…

Forgot about all the rest.

He wanted to. He wanted to so badly. He was trying to convince himself he could do it. He could push aside all his hang-ups and just be with her.

Falling into old habits that morning was easy enough. Watching the kids open toys with her by his side, watching the kids play with her pressed up against him—it transported him back to last week and the best vacation of his life.

But he still struggled.

And she knew it.

He could see it all over her face: last night, this morning, when he left to return the rental. She sensed his internal struggle. She hadn't asked yet, or maybe he hadn't given her the chance to, but he knew it was coming.

Knowing what to say when she asked, that was the problem.

The truth wasn't pretty.

---

Hope smiled knowingly when Charlie was presented with a beautiful potted plant of her very own from her grandparents.

"Mine?" Charlie asked with wide eyes, staring at the dark soil that a tiny bud was poking out from.

"Yours," Walt nodded. "And we got you your very own watering can too."

He nodded at Lucia who pulled out a pretty blue floral container.

Charlie was absolutely astonished, as if she couldn't believe she had been given something so precious all for herself.

"We could put it in the sunroom," Hope suggested. "Make sure it gets lots of light so it can grow big and strong."

That was the thing about Walt and Lucia. They very rarely got gifts that were a toy. They knew the kids came from money and could get any toy their heart desired. Instead, they gave gifts from the heart. Ones with true meaning. This was a perfect example of that.

Charlie nodded.

"And be sure to water it every day," Lucia reminded her.

Charlie nodded again, taking the watering pot in her little hands then resumed staring at the plant.

"Don't forget to talk to it either," Walt said. "Just like we do with my plants every time you come over."

"Right!" Charlie nodded again.

"You can tell your plant anything and everything," Walt said. "Tell it about your day."

Charlie perked up.

"Just like Daddy always asks at dinner!" she exclaimed. "I can do that."

Hope inwardly groaned. She forgot to correct Charlie. Charlie rarely called out for him by name or for her for that matter, so it slipped her mind in the chaos that was returning from vacation and worrying over Ryan's behavior.

Walt didn't look up at her, staying focused on the little girl, but she felt a vibe from him all the same.

Lucia, on the other hand, looked straight at her with a raised eyebrow.

Well, it looked like she was going to have to explain that later.

"Now I'm glad I went first," Rafael said with amusement. "You two always show me up every year."

"I'm sure she loves what you got her," Walt said.

"The Disney Store has been good for making me the greatest uncle," Rafael said with a smirk.

"The Disney Store also takes up a fair chunk of your paycheck," Lucia shook her head. "I'd reprimand you for spending so much on them except I'm pretty sure most of what you buy is for yourself."

"Also, I'm a grown man who can spend my money on whatever I want," Rafael returned. "Hey, Landon bought all those comics. I was more into figures."

Lucia glanced heavenward in exasperation, "Boys."

"Are the best," Rafael said. "Right, James?"

James peered at him as if he was trying to trick him.

"Mommy and Charlie aren't boys," James said.

"Neither is Grandma," Lucia interjected.

"Fine, fine," Rafael shook his head but smiled because he loved how precious his nephew was. "Boys, girls, everyone are all pretty awesome. Happy now?"

"Yes," Lucia nodded. "But only because my grandson is clearly brighter than my son."

Rafael clutched his chest.

"I'm wounded."

"Grandma?" James asked, leaning closer to speak in a loud whisper. "Do you have a present for me too?"

"Of course, baby boy," Lucia said, her loving gaze resting on him. "I'd never forget my favorite grandson."

"I'm your only grandson," James reminded her.

"That you are," she said with a wink, reaching for a large flat square gift covered in wrapping paper. They hadn't bothered with paper for Charlie's gift because they had to be careful moving it. For James', it was better if it came wrapped.

"This is for you, from both Grandpa and me," she said.

"Thank you!" he said, grasping it with a big grin.

He turned to the coffee table to open it on.

"Daddy!" James squealed, seeing the picture on the front of the book. He immediately picked it up and hugged it to him. "It's Daddy!"

He grinned up at Lucia.

"Go ahead and look through it, honey," Lucia said.

Hope wasn't surprised really, in fact she probably should have thought of it herself. There was a framed photo of Landon on James' nightstand now. A picture book full of photographs of Landon through the years was perfect for James. She knew how worried Lucia was that James would forget him. She fully intended to make sure that never happened, but she appreciated that the Waithes were reinforcing it.

Glancing at Ryan, she wondered if any of this bothered him, but he seemed fine and maybe even a little curious to look at the book himself.

She noticed his silence immediately once she returned from the kitchen. The Waithes did not ignore him at all this time, greeting him like family along with a quick hug, but he still never really joined in with the conversation. She wasn't sure if he was just letting the kids enjoy time spent with their grandparents, or being quiet because he still felt awkward.

Yet another thing to find out whenever she got the chance to speak to him.

"That's a great idea," Hope said, smiling at her mother-in-law. "He's going to cherish it forever."

"I will too," Lucia said with a fond smile, looking over the photos as James turned the pages. "I had one made for me too."

Hope continued to talk to Lucia and ask her about the company she used to create the book. Ryan focused on their conversation while Rafael excused himself to head to the kitchen to warm things up for dinner. Walt went with him to help set the table.

No one was paying attention to the conversation between James and Charlie.

"That's not Daddy," Charlie said softly, standing next to James and looking at the pages.

"Is too," James said with a frown at Charlie.

"That's Daddy," Charlie said, pointing at Ryan.

"This is my Daddy," James said, pointing at the book then pointing at Ryan. "And that's my Daddy."

Charlie frowned, shaking her head.

"Nu uh," she disagreed.

"I have two," James explained. "They're mine though. You don't have a Daddy."

"Uh huh!" she nodded. "That's Daddy!"

Her voice came out in a shout, drawing the attention of all the adults who had no idea what was happening.

"Mommy told me she wanted to be your Mommy," James said matter-of-factly. "Daddy never said he wanted to be your Daddy."

Charlie's eyes filled with tears and her face crumbled instantly.

"James!" Hope said sharply, aghast, jumping up.

"Now, Charlie, listen," Lucia immediately tried to reach for the girl to soothe her.

James looked at his mother in confusion.

"What?" he asked.

The dam broke and Charlie burst into loud sobs.

Belatedly, due to the shock, Ryan sprang up to get her, but Hope beat him to it.

"Come here, honey," Hope said, picking Charlie up swiftly and holding her close.

Charlie sobbed into her neck.

"I'll take her," Ryan said, reaching. "I'll talk to her."

"I got it," Hope said, pulling away from his hands.

"Let me—" he tried again.

"I said, I got it," Hope said once more with a slight edge to her voice before she left the room quickly, the crying girl burrowed against her.

Frustrated, Ryan was about to go after them anyway when James' little voice had him changing directions.

"Is Mommy mad at me?" James asked with big confused scared eyes.

"No, honey," Lucia was quick to assure him.

James still stared at Ryan though, wondering if he had done something wrong, needing his father to reassure him.

Ryan knew James hadn't meant to hurt Charlie's feelings. James didn't have a mean bone in his body. Ryan was there the day Hope explained to James that she wanted to be Charlie's Mom too. James simply told Charlie the truth. Hope had said that, and Ryan had never taken the time to sit down and explain his feelings to James about Charlie.

"No," he said, forcing himself to sit on the couch near James. "Your mom isn't mad at you."

"Did I do something wrong?" James asked, crawling into Ryan's lap. "Why did Charlie cry?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," Ryan said. "I should've told you—"

"Careful what you say…" Lucia said softly, her eyes giving a slight warning.

Ryan glanced at her.

"Last time, you didn't deserve any of that, but Ryan…" she kept her voice soft. "She's newly widowed. She needs time to grieve, process, heal… she's at her most vulnerable right now. You can be James' father without… trying to start things with Hope."

He schooled his expression before he gave anything away.

He wasn't an idiot. He knew since Thanksgiving it would be damn near impossible to get the Waithe's blessing to be with Hope. It was one of the reasons he decided not to pursue anything with her in the first place. And here, he hadn't given anything away to make them think something was happening between them.

… Except her daughter was calling him Daddy.

At least he realized where Lucia's words were coming from. He just wasn't expecting her to practically accuse him of taking advantage of Hope at her 'most vulnerable'.

If Hope was vulnerable, he was an extrovert.

Which, he wasn't.

However, telling Lucia that ship already sailed was not going to do him any favors.

"What exactly am I supposed to be careful about?" he asked, carefully controlling his voice so James didn't pick up on his anger.

"Whatever you're going to say about Charlie," she said.

"What I'm going to say is the truth," he said.

"Not if it's not what's best for her," she said gently.

"And you know what's best for her? More than me?" He was tensing up. He knew James would be able to feel it. He needed to calm down.

"Ryan… Don't make promises when you can't keep them," she said.

He counted to ten slowly before he said anything he regretted.

Being cut off by Hope before he could reassure Charlie that he wanted to be her father had stung, and now Lucia was trying to reinforce Hope's actions by stopping him from claiming Charlie in front of James.

Promises? That was one promise he knew he could make and keep.

"Daddy, what's wrong?" James asked, still confused.

Wrapping his arms tighter around his son, he pulled him close as he suddenly needed the comfort.

"Everything is okay," he reassured him, all the while staring hard at Lucia.

"Is Charlie okay?" James asked.

"She'll be okay too," Ryan said. "Just give her some time."

He could see Lucia nod at him. She was relieved he hadn't said more. He refused to argue with her in front of James. He was going to talk to James and Charlie eventually. She just didn't need to be around for it.

"Can we go see Daddy today?" James asked.

"Yeah," Ryan said. "We can go see Landon. After everyone leaves. Which I'm sure will be soon."

He finished the last with a pointed look at Lucia.

Lucia sighed and nodded, knowing she had stirred up more trouble. She needed to look out for Hope, James and Charlie. Hope didn't need a man, and even if she did it didn't have to be Ryan just because he happened to be there. The only person who should ever be able to claim Charlie as their daughter was whoever Hope remarried. Years from now. If she ever remarried.

"Dinner's ready!" Rafael called out from the dining room down the hall.

"Great," Ryan said in a tone that let Lucia know he was hoping dinner would be quick so she could leave. "I'm starving."

---

She messed up.

Hope held Charlie, clutching her as close as possible as she continued to cry. She had brought her to her room and sat with her on the big bed as her mind raced.

She should have said something before now. She should have put a stop to it immediately. Now Charlie was devastated and she didn't know what to say.

The worst part was she couldn't reassure her.

She never spoke to Ryan about it and now that she was feeling a physical withdrawal from him, she knew something was wrong. She couldn't make any promises to Charlie when it came to Ryan because he wasn't her father.

Charlie's sobs eventually subsided to sniffles and hiccups, and Hope rubbed her back to soothe her.

"Charlie… what do you know about what a Dad is?" she decided to start there. She knew Charlie never had a father. She probably started calling Ryan that because of James, but it was obvious she knew a bit more or else her reaction to James' words would not have made her cry.

"P-people on TV have a Mommy and a Daddy," Charlie said softly.

So, she did understand more than Hope thought.

"Not everyone does have a Mom and a Dad," Hope explained as gently as possible. "Some have two dads or two moms. And some only have a mom or a dad. It does take a man and a woman to make a baby, but sometimes other people end up being Mom and Dad to that baby. Like you."

Charlie nodded against her shoulder.

"You're Mommy, and that's Daddy," Charlie said, pointing over her shoulder, her voice filling with tears again on the tail end of saying 'Daddy'.

"Charlie," Hope struggled to find the right words. "When your mother passed away, the nice people who took care of you found me. They asked me if I wanted to be your mom and I said yes. I'm working with those people now; and, in a few months, you will officially legally be mine. Always and forever."

"I want to be yours," Charlie said, turning her head to peek up at Hope.

"That's good, because I will always want you," Hope said, smiling lovingly at her.

"Always and forever?" Charlie asked.

"Yes," Hope told her, kissing her forehead gently. "I love you, Charlie."

"I love you too, Mommy," Charlie said.

Hugging Charlie tightly seemed like the only thing Hope could do to prevent her own tears from falling. Happy tears, but also emotional tears brought on by the complexity of what Charlie had to be feeling.

"Now," Hope cleared her throat when she felt she could talk again. "I lost my husband a little while ago. He passed away like your mother."

"Oh," Charlie said sadly.

"That's who is in the picture book Grandma and Grandpa gave James," Hope explained. "His name was Landon and he was James' Dad. And Ryan is also James' Dad. Ryan is the man who made James with me. Do you understand?"

Charlie nodded.

"Landon became James' Dad because he was my husband," Hope continued once she felt that Charlie really did understand. "That means, if I ever marry again, if it's a man, that man will be your Dad."

"But what about Daddy?" Charlie asked, eyes becoming glassy again.

"Charlie, Ryan cares about you very much," Hope made sure to emphasize. "But he's not my husband. And he's not the man who made you."

"Oh," Charlie said, looking down.

"Ryan may not be your Dad, but he will always be a part of our family," Hope also made sure to emphasize that.

"Why can't Daddy be your husband?" Charlie asked.

Hope soothed her hand over Charlie's hair, relieved that Charlie really did understand. There was just one more thing to go over.

"Ryan, baby. Call him Ryan," Hope corrected her gently. "And it's going to be a while before I'm ready for another husband. I loved Landon very much and I still miss him."

As much as she wanted a future with Ryan, there was no way she would disrespect Landon's memory by marrying someone else so soon after his death. It wasn't as if things were going that smoothly with Ryan anyway. She could foresee dating for a while and then hopefully a long engagement.

"I miss Mommy too," Charlie said softly.

Hope's heart turned over. Her little girl barely ever mentioned her birth mother. She usually only mentioned her briefly with the counselor.

"She will always be a part of you," Hope said. "She'll be right there with you whenever you need to talk to her."

Charlie listened attentively.

"You know…" Hope said thoughtfully. "I have some pictures of her for you."

"You do?" Charlie said, looking up.

"Yes," Hope said.

She suddenly remembered a little non-Christmas gift she made for Ryan she meant to give him before they left for vacation. She would give it to him before he left that night.

But first…

"And I think there might be some more," she said, remembering the USB drive and cell phone she never looked over. "Why don't we spend tomorrow looking through them? We could make a book for you like James'? One with pictures of your mother. Would you like that?"

"Uh huh," Charlie nodded.

Hope hugged her again feeling very relieved. Somehow she figured out the right thing to say. Charlie was going to be okay. Crisis averted.

A light tap on the door made her look up.

Charlie tensed against her.

"It's okay, honey," Hope said, standing with her. "Go on and lie down in my bed. I'll tell whoever it is to go away and then I'll lay down with you."

"Okay," Charlie said softly.

Settling Charlie in quickly, she walked briskly for the door and opened it a crack.

Ryan.

"Dinner's ready," he said by way of greeting.

"Thanks," she said. "We'll be down in a few minutes. You can start without us."

"Can I talk to her?" he asked.

"It's okay," she said. "She understands."

"She understands what?" he asked with a raised eyebrow

"That you're not her father," she said.

"But—"

"Give us a few minutes," she repeated, interrupting.

He didn't look happy, but she couldn't afford to continue to play with Charlie's emotions.

She closed the door before he could say anything else.

"Mommy?" a little voice said from the bed.

"That was Ryan letting us know dinner is ready," Hope explained.

"Oh," Charlie said.

"Ready to eat with Grandma and Grandpa?" Hope asked. "And Uncle Raf?"

She sat next to Charlie on the bed and saw the emotions cross her face. On the one hand, Charlie wanted to stay in bed, on the other she really loved her grandparents and wanted to see them.

"How about we stay up here a few more minutes then go down?" Hope suggested.

"Okay," Charlie was quick to say.

Hope crawled under the covers next to her and snuggled close.

Charlie snuggled right back.

Sometimes you just needed a good cuddle pile.

---

Dinner was a strange affair.

Hope kept thinking she was missing something.

Walt and Rafael were as gregarious as ever, talking mostly with the kids about their vacation. Ryan was his usual quiet self, but Lucia's silence was unusual.

When Hope and Charlie originally joined them, James immediately jumped up to run to apologize to Charlie.

"I'm sorry, Charlie," James said morosely. "I didn't mean to make you cry."

"S'okay, James," Charlie said softly with a tiny smile.

Ryan leaned in to whisper to Hope, his eyes on Charlie the entire time.

"James thought you were mad at him," he said. "I told him you weren't but…"

But she should tell him too, which she agreed with wholeheartedly. She wished she hadn't snapped at him like that. It wasn't his fault. She was just so astonished, she reacted without thinking.

"James, come here, love," she said, motioning for him.

He walked over slowly, a complete turn around from his usual breakneck pace.

"I'm not mad at you," she said, running her hand through his curls. "I shouldn't have snapped like that. I'm so sorry, baby."

James grinned and threw himself at her.

She hugged him back fiercely.

"Uh," Rafael looked around confused. "I think we missed something."

"Nothing to concern yourself about," Lucia spoke for the first time since Hope returned to the area.

The rest of dinner passed quickly enough after that, Walt and Rafael leading most of the conversation with James and Charlie.

The only movement she saw from Ryan besides him oddly eating his food quickly was the wince on his face every time Charlie talked about vacation and called him Ryan.

Ryan didn't speak again at all until dessert was served.

"James wants to go see Landon," Ryan told Hope. "I told him we'd go after dinner."

"Mommy?" Charlie spoke up. "Can we do photos today?"

Hope knew what Charlie was asking. She wanted to look through the photographs of her mother. Honestly, it was probably a good idea because she wasn't sure if Charlie had ever been to a graveyard. She would rather not bring Charlie to one until she had to.

"Can you take James and I'll stay here and work with Charlie on a special project?" Hope asked Ryan.

"Yes," Ryan said though he frowned.

"You're going to the cemetery?" Rafael said with interest in his voice. "Maybe we should all—"

"We've got to get home after dinner," Lucia interrupted. "Walt forgot to water the kids in the bedroom."

Walt opened his mouth but quickly shut it when Lucia glanced at him.

"But don't you want to—" Rafael started.

"We spent time with Landon on Christmas day," Lucia told him. "Seeing James with his book makes me want to look at Landon in my own book."

Rafael nodded, accepting her words.

Hope wasn't sure what she missed, but she was pretty sure she would find out all about it the next time she spoke with Lucia.

Or maybe Ryan would tell her tonight. He definitely knew something.

The nod she saw him give Lucia was proof enough of that.

---

By the time Ryan returned to the house with James, Charlie was already in bed.

"What?" Ryan asked, furiously running his fingers through his hair and pulling his leather jacket off. "I told you I wanted to talk to her."

"We should talk about that," she insisted. "Before you talk to her."

"Why do we need to talk about it?" he asked, setting his jacket across the back of a kitchen chair.

"Because I need to know what you intend to say," she said. "If it's not what I told her, I'd rather you not."

Well, at least he was finally sharing his emotions with her, if the look on his face was any indication. But now wasn't the time, not when James was tired and needed his bath before bed.

"You told her I didn't want to be her father," he said in a harsh tone.

"No," she shook her head. "I explained that you're not her father. We should put James to bed before we talk about this."

"I'll put him to bed," he said, deciding he needed to keep himself busy until their 'talk' or he would explode. If he had to be near her while helping James, he would probably explode a lot sooner. In front of James. Which would be horrible. She was right about that.

"Here," she said quickly, handing him a small shiny red box. "Before I forget to give it to you again. It's not a present. Just something you wanted."

He barely looked at it as he stuffed it into the pocket of his leather jacket. He was in too much of a rush to put James to bed so he could confront her about Charlie.

She watched his retreating back, noting his shoulders were tense.

Whatever the night would bring, she felt like she might finally get some answers.

"He's asleep," Ryan said some time later, sitting abruptly in the comfy chair across from her. "So now do you mind telling me what you told her? Not only is she calling me Ryan now, but she barely looked at me at dinner."

"Because you weren't talking to her," she said. "You barely spoke to anyone all night, especially at dinner."

"I was supposed to talk at dinner? Right after your mother-in-law grilled me about taking advantage of you?" he asked sarcastically.

"She didn't…" Hope winced.

"She did," he said firmly. "Right in front of James, I might add, but I don't think he understood since he was too busy being worried he made you mad and Charlie cry."

"I'm sorry she did that," she said. "I'll talk to her."

"What's there to talk about?" he asked. "I'll never get their blessing to be with you. Just let her keep thinking I was only trying to move in on you by getting your daughter to call me Dad. She has no way of knowing you're the one who's been pushing for this from the start."

He shook his head at himself.

"This entire thing was a bad idea," he finished.

Wait.

"No, no its not," Hope said, leaning forward. "They don't have any say in what I do and who I'm with."

"They're James' grandparents! I have to get along with them," he argued.

"No, you don't," she said. "They have to get along with you. You're James' father."

"And James loves them," he said. "What's he going to think if his dad can't get along with them?"

"That you're doing your best," she answered. "You don't have to get along with everyone just because your son likes them. I'm not the biggest fan of Timmy Cho's parents, but I put up with them for James' sake."

"That is not the same," he said. "You know it."

"Ryan, being with me doesn't mean getting along with my in-laws," she said. "It has nothing to do with them. I'll handle them. They'll have to accept us. They don't really have any other option."

He rested his head in his palm, sighing. Maybe she had a point. It wasn't like he had to see them regularly. He just… really wanted them to accept him. They were Landon's parents.

"And Charlie?" he asked.

"She understands that you're James' father because you made him," she explained. "And she also understands the only man she should call Dad is my future husband if I ever remarry."

"I don't mind being her father," he insisted, shifting uncomfortably at the idea of marrying her in the future. That used to be the future he wanted. Did he still want it? "I want to be her father."

"Just be her family, Ryan," she said. "Be the male figure in her life. Like Rafael. That's what she needs now."

Being compared to Rafael as far as Charlie was concerned roused his anger again.

"Uncle Ryan, huh?" he said, shaking his head. "That'll go over really well next Thanksgiving."

Hope was done with arguing that point. They could go back and forth about it all night.

"Just Ryan. No uncle," she said. "And now that we've talked about your concern, I want to talk about mine."

"Which is?" he asked.

"What happened between vacation and the time we got home?" she asked. "You closed off on me. You left last night and didn't stay."

He shifted uncomfortably again.

"I told you, I had things to do at home," he said.

"Don't lie to me," she said. "I know something's wrong. If you don't want to talk about it, just say so. But don't lie about it."

"Then… I don't want to talk about it," he said, standing. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Then he beelined for the front door like the hounds of Hades were upon him, grabbing his jacket from the kitchen on the way.

"Wait, what?" she said in disbelief, going after him. "Ryan, don't just leave."

"We'll talk tomorrow," he said as he walked. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Hope caught up with him outside the front door, grasping his arm. "Just tell me what's wrong so we can figure it out. Together."

"You don't want to know," he said, stopping finally. "Just give me time."

She released him when he stopped.

"I've given you time," she said. "A crap load of time. And you finally worked your way back to me Christmas morning. We're together, Ryan. That means whatever problems come between us, we work them out together."

"I don't know how to do this," he said "How to do us."

"That's what we figure out," she said, reaching out again and pressing a hand to his chest. "But you've got to tell me what's wrong."

"Can we go back to the way we were?" he asked, hating that he was asking but accepting that he really was nowhere near ready emotionally to take the next step with her. Why had he even tried?

She flinched.

"Please don't be asking me that right now," she said in disbelief.

"I don't think I can keep doing this…" he said, taking her hand from his chest. He held it for a moment before he let it go.

"And I can't do this," she exclaimed, balling her hand into a fist at her side. "I can't go back! I can't pretend this didn't happen. I can't do it again. Not this time, Ryan."

"We did it before," he insisted. "We can go back."

"I asked if you were sure!" she reminded him.

"And I said I was willing to try!"

"Yes, try! TRY, Ryan!" she was getting loud and she didn't care. She was so angry. "Three days isn't trying! Three days is just… it's a weekend getaway to use me since you couldn't leave and spend the night with someone else!"

"That's not—I wasn't using you," he denied.

"How else am I supposed to feel?" she burst out, feeling hysterical. "All this getting to know each other, I don't even know if you've been seeing anyone or a bunch of someones! For all I know, you have a list of booty calls in your phone."

"I haven't been with anyone else since before Landon found me," he said.

"Great! Perfect! That's... that's..." she covered her face with her hands before sighing as she got a hold of herself. At least he didn't sleep around. She actually really loved that about him. "That isn't the point. I know you weren't using me. I just can't understand. You said you would try. What about the date? You know, the one where we get someone to watch the kids and actually go out together on a real date? Where you can ask me anything and I can ask you anything? Where we-we-we revert to teenagers in the backseat. We do everything out of order, right? Surely that one should be tossed in the messed up order of things."

"Hope…" he choked at the image. It sounded perfect to him. He just… couldn't.

"What happened?" she asked desperately. "I thought everything was good. It was perfect. We were perfect. There are things we still needed to talk about, but we have time for that. I definitely didn't think you were going to walk away and try to convince me to pretend it never happened again.

"Please, just tell me what happened!" she begged, reaching out for his arm without thinking. She needed him to tell her. She needed to know.

"We got back here," he admitted quietly. "To the home you shared with Landon. With you asking me to join you in the bedroom you shared with Landon."

She breathed out deeply, wincing, dropping her hand. Returning home triggered something in him. That was why he did a complete reverse on her so suddenly. She should have known getting a new bed would do nothing to desensitize him to her room.

"I could move," she offered. "Do you want me to move? Because I can do that. I will do that. We can even move together if you want."

"It reminded me of the one thing I can't get past," he said.

"Landon?" she asked. "I know it's… I know there's some guilt. I struggled with it too. And the Waithes aren't helping at all. But it's okay. We can work through it together. Just let me in, Ryan. Don't end this."

"That's not…" he sighed. "It's not entirely about Landon."

"If it's not the Waithes, and not Landon, then what's the problem?" she asked.

"It's you!" he felt the word rip from his throat unwillingly. He didn't want to lay his true fears on her.

"I don't understand," she said, swallowing at the lump rising in her throat.

"I… wouldn't have any of this at all if he hadn't gotten sick," he said. "If I hadn't been related to him. I'd still be living my same old life never knowing I had a son. Even now, I could've just returned from the ski lodge by myself. James would keep getting older and I would've missed everything. Because of you."

"But-but that didn't happen," she said, caught off guard by his revelation. She felt like they had moved full circle back to the beginning. Back when he couldn't forgive her. Had he ever truly forgiven her? She thought he had…

"It could have," he said.

"I can't change it," she said finally. "I can't go back and change anything. I wish I had stayed. I wanted to stay."

"But you didn't!" he said forcefully. "You left. You spent the past five years with your perfect little family and didn't think about me at all."

"I did," she insisted.

"Really?" he said with a softer almost scary voice. "Did you think about me every time you made love to your husband? Because that's what you did to me. You got into my mind so much I couldn't stop thinking about you. Every time I was with someone else, I couldn't shake you. And then, one day, the truth smacked me in the face. And no, Hope. I still can't forget it or everything you did to me by walking away and taking part of me with you. I tried. I was trying. I wanted to get past it. But it's not as easy as it sounds."

"I thought you had forgiven me," she said, pressing her lips together harshly as the emotions crashed through her.

"I want to," he said. "But… that's not the only thing I'm struggling with."

"Well, might as well get it all out now," she said shakily. "Don't hold anything back."

"Sometimes when I think about a future with you, I see everything I ever wanted," he said. "And I want that, more than this conversation probably says."

"Ha," she laughed dryly.

"James is perfect," he said. "He's this perfect little miracle that's half mine. He's the most important thing in the world to me."

"We got lucky," she said.

"But don't you get it?" he asked. "That wasn't supposed to happen. It was pretty much a fluke. A miracle that won't ever happen again."

She understood what he meant, that he didn't think he could conceive a child in the first place and, after James, he didn't think he would ever get that lucky again.

"Okay…" she said. "That's alright. Perfection on the first try means not having to try again."

"How can it be alright when you just told me you've always dreamed of having a big family?" he asked.

"That is my dream," she said slowly, still not understanding what that had to do with anything. First he couldn't forgive her, now he was talking about a future with her but worried about having other kids? "But there are other ways of having a family. Look at Charlie."

"Yeah, but how soon will adoption not be enough?" he asked.

"I don't understand."

"How soon before you find someone else at some other fundraiser to give you the one thing I can't?" he asked.

"I would never do that," she denied immediately, feeling unsteady. She told him that before, right? That she hadn't slept with him to get pregnant. He accused her of that on the first night and she thought she shut it down.

"Why not?" he asked. "Because you've never done it before?"

She felt like he just slapped her.

"No, because I love you," she said.

He looked away.

She confessed her true feelings and he looked away. How much was he really trying if that was the case?

"I told you why I slept with you," she said.

"Right," he nodded, as if he was trying to shake it into his head and get it to stick. "You told me."

She opened her mouth to defend herself, to explain that Landon wouldn't accept any other option. That if Landon had only agreed to an adoption, she would have never questioned his love for her. That she never would have removed her ring and decided to end things with Landon when he returned. That she never would have looked twice at another person if that decision hadn't already been made. That once she made the decision, she allowed herself to notice.

That she never would have slept with Ryan if she didn't feel a strong instant connection with him. She had never had a one night stand before him. It took her a while before taking that step in all of her previous relationships, even when she first met Landon.

She wanted to explain she had never felt for any person—not even her husband—the way she felt for him.

She knew he was it for her.

She knew he was 'the one'.

Catching herself before she spewed all the words, she realized none of it mattered. She had already said half of it to him before. As he said, she told him.

He didn't believe her.

That's what he was truly saying. That's what this was all about.

Keeping his distance, using Landon and the Waithes as an excuse, even his struggle to forgive her, it all masked the true reason.

He didn't trust her.

Without trust, there was no way a relationship between them would ever work.

She could tell him everything that happened back then until she was blue in the face, but if he didn't trust her, who was to say he would ever believe any of it?

She had to accept the reality of the situation.

She never truly faced the consequences of her actions. She didn't lose Landon or the Waithes when the truth was revealed; but, now she was facing the consequences head on.

Her past mistake was going to cost her a future with the man she had grown to love more and more every day.

Ryan couldn't forgive her for walking away from him, and he didn't trust her not to do it again.

It was over.

"You don't trust me," she said the words out loud—the words he couldn't seem to tell her without using all the other words. She wasn't sure which words hurt more.

"I'm trying," he said. "That's why I wanted to put this conversation off. To figure it out on my own. So you wouldn't have to know."

"No… no," she said, waving her hand. "I-I needed to know."

"So you agree we should take a step back again?" he asked. "The way we were."

She nodded in deep thought before she shook her head.

"No," she said. "I don't agree."

"Then…?"

She hated her next words with every fiber of her being, but she had to say them. She couldn't keep going on like this. She was strong but even she had her limits.

"We need a new arrangement for James."

Silence pulsed between them for a long minute.

"W-What do you mean?" he asked.

"You can't come here every night anymore," she said. "I can't spend every day with you when… I need to get over you."

"No, Hope, that's not what I want," he shook his head, stepping closer to her.

She stepped back.

"You can't keep doing this to me," she said. "I'm not here when you decide you want me then turn your back on me because you change your mind. It doesn't work that way."

"I want you," he insisted. "I just need space, time."

"You're right. Wanting me is not your problem. We have no problem wanting each other," she said, stomach aching as she thought about all the ways they had already expressed they wanted each other. "You can have your space. Take all the time you need. But I want my space too."

"W-we're still family," he tried, feeling desperate. She promised he wouldn't be alone anymore. She promised him he would always have them. Have her. "You said that."

"Right," she nodded. "And I don't see family everyday. If you need something… I'm here. But while you work through your issues with me, I can't live like that. I won't live like that. I won't keep hoping for something more. I won't keep waiting. I screwed up six years ago. I hurt you and I don't want to hurt you ever again. I know doing this will hurt, but… I can't let you keep hurting me, Ryan."

He swallowed tightly. This was not what he wanted. He knew admitting what was really going on in his mind wasn't something she would want to know. He just hadn't expected this.

"So, we need a new arrangement with James," she said. "Just… have your lawyer contact mine like before with what you want. My lawyer will let yours know if I agree."

For the first time Ryan was cursing the existence of lawyers. He didn't want any of that. He wanted to talk to her. He wanted to convince her that their current arrangement was fine. That he wouldn't keep hurting her.

Except his presence alone seemed to be hurting her.

"And Charlie?" he finally forced himself to ask, his words a reluctant acceptance of hers.

"Charlie is mine, Ryan," she said.

"I've been there from the beginning," he argued.

"Because I let you," she said. "She's not your daughter."

"So, what, I can't ever see her again because you don't want to see me?" he asked incredulously.

"No," she shook her head. "You're still part of her family. I told her that, same as you."

"Then when can I see her?" he asked. "If we're making new arrangements for James, we need to make them for her too."

"I'll let you know," she said, suddenly feeling cold as death on the inside. She knew breaking things off with Ryan was going to hurt. She didn't know it would feel like her world was ending.

Clamping his lips together, he pressed back the urge to argue or beg for an official date when he could see Charlie again. They needed a breather. She looked pale and worn out, like he had put her through the ringer and she came out barely holding it together.

He pretty much felt the same way. The entire conversation had left him completely exhausted.

He was sure with a little time she would see that Charlie needed to see him, and soon.. Charlie would ask for him. Of that, he had no doubt. And he would keep asking for her.

"I'll have my lawyer contact yours," was all he finally said.

---

Hope ached.

Everything hurt.

Eventually crying herself to sleep was the only way she found any peace.

She second guessed herself a million times. Maybe she shouldn't have ended things with Ryan. It was her who insisted they talk it out and work it out together. But that was before she understood what was really wrong.

She couldn't make him forgive her. She couldn't make him trust her.

She nearly convinced herself to change her mind despite all the pain it would bring, but then her lawyer contacted her by ten a.m. that Tuesday, the day after their breakup, with the new documents from Ryan's lawyer.

Ryan wasted no time.

She wasn't surprised. The sooner arrangements were made the sooner he would get to see James. Per their original agreement, the following weekend was hers. He wouldn't get to see James for nearly two weeks unless he pushed things through. Given that Thursday was New Year's Day, if he didn't get it done immediately he could be stuck waiting.

The arrangements he proposed left her reeling.

Every Wednesday and Thursday.

Every other weekend, from Friday through Sunday.

Every other major holiday, switching each year so they each had him the entire day. She knew that was due to his preference to spend Christmas away. He wasn't proposing a shared half day for the major holidays since he wouldn't be in town to split the day. Also, because the first major holiday was on a Thursday—in two days to be exact—he proposed he would get the first one.

Every Father's Day was his. Every Mother's Day was hers.

Every March 28th was his. Every May 2nd was hers. That he knew her birthday when she didn't know his until now would have been sweet if the situation wasn't so serious.

Shared birthday. She knew it would be horrible for James if he didn't get to see both of his parents on his own birthday. Ryan knew it too.

Every other week in the summer months out of school. Probably to make it easier to plan vacations.

This wasn't just a new arrangement. This was joint custody.

And she was going to sign it.

She wanted to deny it all. She wished the electronic documents were printed so she could tear them into tiny pieces and stuff them down the garbage disposal.

James had been the center of her universe for five years and now she had to share him. Share him in a way that left her not seeing him for long blocks of time.

Forget every week when she didn't get to see him on Wednesday and Thursday, every other week she wouldn't see him from Wednesday through Sunday—which really meant Monday afternoon since Ryan would be taking him to school Monday morning like they usually planned for every other weekend.

How was she going to get through this?

Ryan always said he never wanted to be an every other weekend dad. She should have realized things were going to change catastrophically. She knew a new arrangement with him and James would hurt even before she said it.

In reality, he was being quite fair. It worked out to him having James three days one week, four days the next, with her having four days one week and three the next, splitting his time between them equally.

What could she possibly say to change it? Asking for more wouldn't be fair, especially to a man who didn't get to spend the first five years with his son. She was lucky he wasn't asking for more. She was lucky he wasn't suing for custody at all. Not that she thought a judge would take James away from her, but it would still be an unfortunate thing for them to deal with. Being able to handle the situation without stepping foot in a courtroom was a solid plus.

She would have to find a way to get through it, just like she would have to find a way to get over Ryan.

She would sign the new arrangement, with one small stipulation added.

And then she would cry herself asleep again.

---

Daily FaceTime for each parent when James was with the other.

That was the only thing she wanted to change.

Ryan read over the notes from his lawyer and wasn't sure how he felt.

He hadn't slept, staying up all night figuring out the new arrangement she asked for.

The entire time, he kept hoping none of it would matter. She would call him in the morning and tell him she didn't mean it. She would say she wanted to go back to the way they were until he was ready.

She never called.

Contacting his lawyer as soon as the office opened, he paid a pretty penny to get things processed as swiftly as possible. It also didn't hurt that his lawyer was an old friend from college.

He honestly didn't expect her to accept his proposal. He knew he was being as fair as possible, but that didn't change the fact he was asking for an equal half in James' life. He also hoped she would see the proposal and call, again to say that she wanted to change her mind.

Instead, her only reply was to add one stipulation that he didn't think needed to be included in the agreement because he assumed that would already be the case as they already did that in their previous agreement.

She really was going through with it.

Which meant, he had a lot of other arrangements to make for himself.

The following week presented lots of new challenges for him as a father.

Arranging for after school care since he couldn't leave work early every Wednesday and Thursday was the first thing. Fortunately, the school had a program for that. He would have made arrangements with Hope but she made it more than clear she wasn't interested in seeing him. His days with James were his responsibility.

Explaining to James he would get to spend more time with him at the condo didn't go badly until he also explained he wouldn't be joining them for dinner at Hope's house anymore. James was sad and didn't understand. Ryan didn't know what Hope told him, so he had to explain it on his own. How did he delicately say Hope didn't want to see him anymore because he broke her heart?

"Your mother and I… need a break, I guess you could say?" he winced inwardly as he said it. He was trying to make it sound like it was both their decision so he didn't make Hope look badly.

"Why?" James asked.

"We want to spend time with you and… not so much… each other?" Ryan shook his head. That wasn't the complete truth, but it was true of Hope. So it was a partial truth. He didn't want to lie to James, but, again, he couldn't put it all on Hope especially since he instigated it.

"You should apologize," James said matter-of-factly.

Sometimes he said the darndest things.

"What makes you say that?" Ryan asked.

"That's what Timmy says," James explained. "Whenever his dad and mom need to be put in a time out, it's because his dad has to apologize."

Or, translated to grownup terms, whenever Kyle and Alyssa Cho had a fight, it was Kyle's fault.

"It's a bit different than that," Ryan said. "But no matter what, we both love you. You'll just be coming over here more than before. Which means you might want to pick out some things to bring over. What do you think?"

"Yeah!" James agreed immediately.

Arranging to pick up some of James' toys from one house to keep at his condo was another challenge. He knew he would need to buy some duplicates of things, like the dinosaurs. He also knew he might have to see Hope to do it. Not that he minded.

Once he messaged her though, she found a way around it. Bridget would have everything ready for him. He was given a specific time to pick everything up when Bridget would be there to let him in. Hope's vehicle wasn't in the driveway, so he assumed she took the kids out to dinner or some other activity.

One that he wasn't invited to.

That was his new reality.

Not seeing his son every day hurt.

Not seeing Charlie at all was killing him.

Not seeing Hope felt like half of his soul was missing.

He sent her daily text messages, asking to see Charlie. She always replied with that infernal, "I'll let you know."

Keeping himself from showing up at her house randomly and demanding to see Charlie started to become a daily measure of his impulse control.

The truth was, only a week had passed and he and Hope were both adjusting. She said she wouldn't keep Charlie from him, and he knew she meant it. He just needed to give her the space she asked for.

Though he wouldn't stop the daily messages.

He wanted to see Charlie, and he wouldn't stop asking.

When the message finally came through that Friday, after nearly two weeks without seeing her, he didn't expect it, but he responded immediately.

Charlie can spend the day with you tomorrow.

I'll pick her up at 9am.

Ok.

---

Hope wasn't deliberately trying to keep Charlie from Ryan. She really wasn't.

She just didn't know what to do.

With James being gone half the week and Ryan not coming around, Charlie reverted to sucking her thumb a lot of the time again.

Hope fought with herself, trying to decide what the right thing to do was.

Would seeing Ryan once help Charlie at all? Or would it just make her even worse when she couldn't stay with him like James did?

She couldn't let Charlie stay with Ryan even if she wanted to. Charlie was still technically her foster child until May. Allowing her to spend the night at another person's house, and a male at that, could reflect poorly on Hope and make her lose Charlie and her chance at any future children.

Charlie missed Ryan though, just like Ryan missed her. He sent Hope a daily reminder of how much he missed Charlie by asking when he could see her.

At first, she knew her reasons were horrible.

She couldn't face seeing Ryan for the exchange. She needed a few days to come to terms with everything and, unfortunately, Charlie got stuck in the mess. By the time she felt she could see him for the few minutes it would take, she was more concerned for what seeing him would do to Charlie in the long run.

She promised they were all still family and would see each other, but maybe it would be better to wait until Charlie adjusted to the change and stopped sucking the thumb so much before allowing her to see Ryan again.

At least Charlie stopped sucking her thumb long enough to have fun when she went to visit her new friend.

Hope made arrangements to visit the Matthews' the Wednesday a week after New Year's. It was the first day of five of James staying with Ryan. She wouldn't need to get back in time to pick James up from school.

"Thanks for bringing the paint," Candace said, as she led the way to a playroom which held a table and chairs that were perfect for the girls to sit and paint their air dry clay pieces.

"Thanks for hosting," Hope replied with a small smile. She hadn't felt much like smiling all week.

The girls were excited to see each other and eagerly sat at the table, taking out their clay blobs that were supposed to be snowmen. They looked more like spiders with three big circles stacked together and extra long rolled limbs coming out of the bottom two circles. The "snowmen" could sit down with their "legs" sticking out, so at least their figures wouldn't fall over as they painted.

"What colors do you each want?" Hope asked, setting out two plates and beginning to remove the paints from her bag. She would squirt a little of each color on the plate for them to use.

"White!" Simone exclaimed. "And, um, brown. And orange."

"Charlie?" Hope asked as she squeezed a dab out of each color for Simone.

Charlie pointed at a soft porcelain, dark brown, gray, blue, and black.

"You're sure?" Hope asked, surprised there wasn't any white. Wasn't it supposed to be a snowman?

Charlie nodded.

"Okay," Hope said.

The girls painted together, whispering back and forth.

Leaving the girls to their fun, Hope joined Candace in the kitchen for coffee—decaf, of course, due to Candace's pregnancy. They returned a little while later to the girls putting their finishing touches on their masterpieces.

"Those look beautiful girls!" Candace said.

"The best snowmen I've ever seen," Hope added with a genuine smile.

Charlie shook her head.

"It's not a snowman, Ms. Hope," Simone said.

"It's not?" Candace said, looking closely at Simone's artwork.

"Mine is Mommy," Simone said. "Charlie's isn't."

"Oh, well, Charlie, what's yours?" Candace asked.

"It's Da—" Charlie cut off suddenly. "It's R-Ryan."

Hope felt her heart sink.

"Ohh," Candace said, glancing from the figure to Hope.

"James' Daddy," Charlie murmured, putting her paintbrush down and quietly staring at her clay figure.

Hope wanted to cry. Charlie almost called him Daddy again. She knew Charlie understood. She wouldn't have corrected herself otherwise. She still thought of him as her Dad. It made Hope even more worried about letting Charlie see Ryan.

She painted her "snowman" to look like Ryan giving him pale skin instead of white as snow. His outfit was a blue shirt, gray pants, and black shoes. The top of the head was a dark brown color.

She wasn't an expert, but she was pretty sure this was Charlie's way of seeing Ryan, of painting him into her life.

What should she do?!

It wasn't until Friday afternoon that the answer came with a resounding slap.

Given the two weeks off from the holidays, appointments with their usual counselor were a bit different and instead of seeing her earlier in the week, they had a last minute appointment scheduled for Friday.

Ms. Parson asked about their ski vacation, gently coaxing Charlie to remove her thumb to speak. Charlie talked slowly at first before warming to the conversation. She told the counselor all about skiing, snowtubing, and Santa.

"That sounds like a lot of fun," Ms. Parson said. "I've never been skiing before."

"Me neither," Charlie said.

"Were you scared?" Ms. Parson asked.

"Uh huh," Charlie nodded her head. "But James helped."

"Is he a good brother?"

"Uh huh," Charlie nodded her head again. "He stays with me when I'm scared."

"What else makes you scared, Charlie?"

"All the people," Charlie said softly. "And Mommy go away."

"Want to talk about your Mommy?"

Charlie looked at Hope. "Mommy loves me."

"You're scared Mommy will go away?" Ms. Parson asked, pointing at Hope.

Charlie nodded.

"Is it because your other Mom died?"

Charlie shook her head.

"Daddy's gone," she said with big glassy eyes. "James said he didn't want me."

Hope covered her mouth.

No.

How could she be so stupid? She took the time to make sure Charlie understood that Ryan wasn't her father, but she never made sure Charlie understood that Ryan did want her. She thought she told her. She couldn't remember now. Either way, Charlie didn't know it.

Hope knew not to speak. The counselor had been adamant since the first session that Hope was to remain silent until asked a question. If Hope spoke before she was supposed to, she could ruin any progress made.

The counselor wrote something in her notes with a sideways glance at Hope.

It was enough for Hope to know she definitely wanted to speak with her privately once the session was over. She wasn't surprised.

"Tell me more about Daddy," Ms. Parson said.

Charlie's eyes widened suddenly as if just realizing her error.

"He's James' Dad," she said. "I'm 'posed to call him Ryan."

"I see," Ms. Parson said. "You said he's gone?"

Charlie nodded.

"James goes to see him," she said.

"But not you?"

Charlie shook her head.

The counselor made more notes before changing the subject.

"Tell me about this week and last," she said. "When you got home from your ski vacation, what did you do?"

"Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle Raf came," Charlie said. "My plant!"

"You got a plant?"

Charlie nodded.

"And saw Simone!" Charlie remembered suddenly.

"Who is Simone?"

"My friend," Charlie said.

"You made a friend?" Ms. Parson said with surprised delight.

Charlie nodded.

"We painted and played teacups," Charlie said.

"I'm proud of you, Charlie," Ms. Parson said. "Do you want to know why?"

Charlie nodded solemnly.

"Because you told me you were scared of all the people, but you still made a friend," Ms. Parson said. "You didn't let your fear hold you back."

Charlie grinned.

"Thank you for talking with me, Charlie," Ms. Parson said.

Charlie nodded.

"Would you like to play with the toys in the waiting area while I talk to your Mom?" Ms. Parson asked.

Charlie nodded.

The counselor rose and Charlie followed her to the door.

Opening it, she called out.

"Chelsea, Miss Charlie here is going to play while I speak with Ms. Mikaelson."

Hope heard a muffled response, knowing the receptionist would keep an eye on Charlie. At the end of each session, Hope stayed to hear the recommendations for Charlie's continued improvement so it was nothing new for Charlie.

Firm disapproval from the counselor, however, was something very new for Hope.

"Ms. Mikaelson, can you please tell me about the man Charlie was referring to and the situation happening in your home?"

Well, that might be a bit difficult to summarize, but she would try.

"My… ex had been coming to the house every day after work to spend time with James," Hope began. She figured 'ex' was good as any to describe Ryan. "He usually stayed until the kids were in bed, then he went to his own home. We… recently tried to date again. It didn't work out. As of last week, he's stopped coming over daily… or at all. James spends more time at his home now."

"And why would Charlie refer to him as her dad?"

"She randomly started calling him that on Christmas day," Hope said, grimacing. "I spoke to her, explained that he was family, not her father. I let it go on a few days too long. James said something to her that… basically, he told her that I had told him I wanted to be Charlie's Mom, but Ryan had never told him he wanted to be Charlie's Dad."

"I see," the counselor said, absorbing the words and nodding her head in thought.

Hope twitched, suddenly worried and wondering if any of that was enough to get Charlie taken away from her. Charlie was physically okay though, and it was a misunderstanding. Surely it would be okay.

"Does he want to see her?" Ms. Parson finally asked, her eyes softening.

"Yes," Hope said.

"Then I suggest you let him."

"What if she gets worse if she does?" Hope asked, biting her lip.

"Gets worse than what?" Ms. Parson asked. "Thinking someone who cares about her doesn't want her in his life?"

Hope nodded, closing her mouth firmly. She had been wrong. So wrong.

"Did you know how Charlie felt?"

"No," Hope shook her head. "I thought she understood…"

She worked to compose herself before she started crying all over this woman's desk. She just wanted to be with Ryan and live happily ever after with her children. Instead, she didn't have Ryan and she was making choices that made her child miserable. Some mother she was turning out to be.

"I'll arrange for her to see him," Hope cleared her throat. "And I'll talk to her again."

"Good, and Ms. Mikaelson?"

"Hmm?" Hope said, unsure if words would work at the moment.

"Tomorrow is Saturday, right? A day off from work?" Ms. Parson said. "I heard the weather will be good too. Perfect weather for a man to spend time with a child he sees as a daughter."

Hope got the message loud and clear.

Make sure Charlie got to see Ryan soon.

Very soon.

---

"Really?!"

The happiness that spread across Charlie's face when she was told she was spending Saturday with Ryan and James made Hope hate herself even more for keeping her from him.

"Yes," Hope nodded. "Ryan wants to see you very much."

"He does?!" Charlie said, eyes wide.

"Yes," Hope choked out. "He's been asking to see you. I should have said yes before now."

"He wants me?" Charlie asked hopefully.

Hope's tears fell.

"Yes, he wants you. He will always want you. And I am so sorry I ever made you doubt that."

Her mantra recently, it seemed, was apologizing to her kids. She wasn't perfect, but still, four years old was a little too soon for a child to realize that about their mother.

Charlie was too excited to care about the apology. She probably wasn't even aware of it.

Following the session with the counselor, Hope messaged Ryan immediately. She wondered briefly that it was strange for Ms. Parson to encourage her to let Charlie spend the day with someone else. Then she realized the woman may have meant she should bite the bullet and spend an hour with Ryan for Charlie's sake no matter how much it may hurt her personally. After careful thought, she decided Ms. Parson had never said either way if Hope should be there. It was perfectly within Hope's ability as a foster mother to have someone she trusted take care of her child for a few hours. She trusted Ryan.

He didn't trust her.

Not that she could blame him.

Feeling extra horrible, she wanted to do anything she could to make it right.

"Do you want to call him now?" she asked.

"Yes!" Charlie exclaimed.

Wiping the tears from her face, she sat Charlie on the couch, got her phone out, made the call, handed it to Charlie, and waited for it to connect before distancing herself.

"Hope?"

Charlie beamed into the screen.

"Charlie!"

"Hi!" Charlie said with a happy giggle.

She could hear the relief and joy in Ryan's voice from across the room. She had to turn and leave because the tears were starting again.

Had they ever really stopped?

---

As excited as Charlie was to see Ryan, she was still late getting ready. She couldn't decide what to wear.

Hope finally picked three outfits for Charlie to choose from. She told her she had to pick one from the three. That was better than watching Charlie go through another ten different outfits like some kind of diva. She had no idea were Charlie got that from.

It would've been cute except the longer it took Charlie to get ready, the more Hope knew that instead of sending Charlie out the front door as soon as Ryan parked, Ryan would come to knock. Having James in tow meant they would all probably come inside to visit for a few minutes. She hadn't seen her son in three days, so that part she wouldn't mind. Seeing Ryan, on the other hand, she wasn't looking forward to.

As she finished knotting Charlie's shoes, the doorbell rang right on cue.

Sucking in a deep fortifying breath, she followed Charlie down and arrived just as she opened the door.

He was there, and he looked like heaven.

Charlie grinned at Ryan and held up her arms.

Ryan snagged her immediately, lifting her in the air for a hug and holding her tight.

"I missed you," he said, his face pressed against the side of hers.

"Missed you too," Charlie said back. She gave him a smacking kiss on the cheek.

Hope steeled herself from the tears threatening to clog her throat yet again and grabbed the bag she put together for Charlie, complete with anything he might need for the day.

"Here are some of her things," she murmured, holding the bag up for whenever he was ready to take it.

He nodded.

"Mommy!" James grinned at her ruefully next to Ryan in the doorway.

"Hi, baby," Hope said softly, crouching down in time to catch an armful of boy. She hugged him fiercely, moreso than she usually did because she needed it. She hadn't seen him since Wednesday morning when she dropped him off. This quick little moment would have to last her until she picked him up Monday after school.

"Can we play jeeps?" James asked.

Hope held her breath. That wasn't the plan. If they stayed here for that, then…

"Today's not a day for jeeps," Ryan said, rescuing her. "Today's a day for the zoo."

"Yeah!" James exclaimed.

"Zoo?" Charlie asked sweetly.

"With all the animals," Ryan said.

"Did you want the tickets?" Hope asked, remembering that was one of his gifts.

"Oh," Ryan said as if he forgot himself. "Well, yeah, I guess that would make sense."

"I'll get them," Hope said, turning away abruptly.

Ryan watched her leave, aching to go after her. He missed her too, as much as he missed the bundle of joy in his arms.

"You'll have to tell me everything," he told Charlie. "Everything I've missed."

"Saw Simone," Charlie volunteered.

"Did you paint your snowman?" he asked, wishing he had been there to see the finished product. She was so proud of making it.

"I show you," Charlie said, squirming to get down.

"Maybe later?" Ryan asked, not sure if he should go further inside. Hope hadn't actually invited him. He put Charlie down though since she wanted him to.

"No," she grabbed his hand and pulled. "Come see!"

"I wanna see too," James said, bouncing from foot to foot impatiently.

"Okay," Ryan said, allowing Charlie to pull him. "But real quick so we can get on the road." They still had to wait for Hope to find the tickets, so a few minutes couldn't hurt that much.

Following Charlie to her room, Ryan glanced around to see if there were any changes on the way. There weren't. He didn't see Hope on his way either. She probably heard the pounding of little feet on the stairs though.

"Here!" Charlie said, carefully picking up her masterpiece.

"It looks great!" he said, looking it over. It looked absolutely nothing like a snowman, but he wasn't going to tell her that.

"It's you," she said.

Without missing a beat, he grinned at her.

"Wow, really?" he said. "You made me?"

She nodded then plucked it from his hands to put it back on her shelf.

If he wasn't mistaken, that spot on the shelf was where she used to keep her Tiana doll. She practically worshipped that doll. For her to replace it with a sculpture of him made him feel ten feet tall, even if she probably put it there because she was proud of making something with her hands.

James followed her to get a better look.

"It's an amazing likeness," Hope said from behind him.

He smirked.

"It is, isn't it?" he said.

"Here," she said, holding the tickets out for him.

"You know," he said, plucking them from her fingers. "There are four tickets here. You could come along?"

She shook her head.

When she didn't even try to offer an excuse, his hope fell a little flat.

"Thanks for letting her come with me," he said.

"She can see you once a week," she said, wrapping her arms around herself and watching the kids.

"Okay," Ryan nodded, elation filling him.

"She can't stay the night though," Hope said.

"Okay," he nodded immediately. He could live with that as long as he got to see her. He wouldn't have to fight to see her anymore. He couldn't be happier.

Well.

That wasn't true.

"What time do I need to have her back today?" he asked.

"Before bedtime," she replied.

He nodded, glad he would have her all day. Hope seemed to finally be relaxing, letting him see Charlie and not rushing to get him out of the house. Maybe she would be open to just a little more?

He wouldn't know unless he tried.

"Would you consider letting me come by for dinner once a week too?" he asked.

"Have you forgiven me?" she asked. "Have you changed your mind about going back to the way we were?"

"Well, no," he answered truthfully. "But I did find a few other things I had to forgive you for recently."

It was an offhanded comment about her keeping him from Charlie that he probably should have kept to himself but maybe it was necessary to show that he possessedthe capacity to forgive.

"Believe me," she said, sighing. "I'm still working on forgiving myself for that one."

"I've forgiven you for that at least, if it helps?"

"Right," she nodded. "…Thanks."

"How about instead of me coming here, we can meet somewhere once a week?" he tried again. "Just the two of us?"

"So you do want to date?"

"Not a date, just… how am I supposed to forgive you or learn to trust you if I don't see you at all?" he asked.

"Seeing me daily for four months didn't seem to do the trick," she said. "Clearly seeing me won't help."

He couldn't really argue with that. Didn't mean he wouldn't try.

He opened his mouth to do just that when he was interrupted.

"Daddy, can we go now?" James asked.

Both kids were done fiddling with the toys on Charlie's shelf and staring up at him, waiting.

"Yeah," Ryan said, sighing inwardly. He would just have to keep trying to get through to her whenever he got the chance.

Though, he figured those chances would be few and far between.

---

"Girl, this is exactly what I needed," Maya moaned.

"Me too," Hope sighed deeply as her pedicurist rubbed down her lower legs and feet.

Meeting Maya at the spa seemed the best thing to keep herself occupied instead of sitting around her big empty house.

"So," Maya said, relaxing in her chair. "You're letting him see her once a week?"

"Yeah," Hope sighed. "She missed him."

"She's not the only one," Maya said pointedly.

"Of course I miss him," Hope said. "But it doesn't matter. I'll never get over him if I see him all the time."

"Tell me again why you need to get over him?" Maya asked.

"Because a relationship without trust isn't a relationship at all," Hope said. "And he doesn't want to be together, just pop in daily to wreak havoc on my emotions before leaving again."

"So instead of trying to help him learn to trust you, you'd rather never see him?" Maya asked.

Hope didn't respond.

"You'd rather miss seeing your son half the week?" Maya pressed on.

"The custody arrangement was very fair," Hope said instead of answering the question.

"Girl, you got the divorce and you were never even married," Maya said.

Hope laughed dryly.

"Well, we do do everything out of order," she scoffed.

"Well, now that you've gotten that step out of the way, how about you try the next one?" Maya asked. "What else is there to do?"

"Move on?" Hope offered.

"You love that man," Maya said. "There's no moving on from that. Not anytime soon."

"Know anyone you can fix me up with anyway?" Hope asked half-heartedly. The last thing she wanted to do was date anyone.

Unless it was Ryan.

It took every ounce of willpower she possessed to turn him down that morning. But if she hadn't, nothing would have changed. It would all end with the same result.

It was better to cut ties as best she could to save her even more heartbreak in the long run.

"Trust me, H," Maya said. "A blind date isn't the answer."

Hope sighed.

"I'd really like to know what is."

---

"My favorite were the tigers!" James exclaimed, walking next to Ryan holding his hand on the way back to the car. He held up his free hand which boasted his brand new stuffed tiger and growled. "Grr!"

"Those were really cool," Ryan agreed.

He figured once they got to the car, he would relax for a few minutes before driving back to his condo. The kids had worn him out walking around the park most of the day. They insisted they were fine without naps. He knew he was taking a chance, but Charlie had such a pleasant disposition all day because she was so happy, and he knew James slept in a little later than usual that morning. He was pretty sure he was safe from a tantrum, though those could really happen at any given time even without a cranky sleepy child.

"The coolest!" James agreed.

Ryan still smiled whenever James used that word. He was fairly certain he learned it from his best friend at the start of kindergarten. He always used it like it was the "coolest" word.

Kids. Gotta love them.

"Charlie?" Ryan asked, looking down to his right where she was clenching his other hand while holding a stuffed white wolf in her free one. "The wolves were your favorite, huh?"

"Wolves and blue frog!" she said happily.

"The poison dart frogs, you mean?" he asked, remembering how fascinated she was by them. Blue was her favorite color after all.

"They are pretty!" she nodded.

"The skin was really bright," he agreed.

"It's cool!" she piped up.

"Yeah, cool!" James grinned at her.

Ryan couldn't help but laugh.

"We go home now?" Charlie's little voice asked.

He looked down to explain they were going to the condo to relax and order dinner before he took her home.

The sad look in her eyes and the pout on her face gave him pause.

"No, Charlie," he said gently. "Not yet. Your Mom said you could stay with me until bedtime."

"Don't wanna go to bed," Charlie shook her head.

"Luckily we have a few more hours, sweetheart," he said. "I'm taking you to my place. We'll order dinner and watch a movie. How's that sound?"

"Okay…" Charlie said softly, thinking it over.

"But after that, I do have to take you home," he made sure to say.

Charlie frowned.

"Guess what?" he said, trying to get her to smile again.

"What?" Charlie and James both said.

He glanced at James to include him too.

"Charlie, you'll get to come see me once a week from now on," he said with a smile. "And I'll get to see you too."

"Mommy said you want me," Charlie nodded like his words confirmed what she already knew.

His heart panged.

"I do," he said. "Very much."

"But, Daddy," James spoke up. "You never said so."

He stopped, let go of their hands and turned around to kneel on the pavement in front of them. He put a hand on each of their shoulders.

"I'm saying it now, okay, guys?" he looked back and forth between them. "I love you both, and I will always want both of you in my life. Don't ever forget that. Can you promise you won't forget?"

"I promise," James said, nodding.

Charlie nodded too.

"James, you are my son and I will always be your father," he said, looking at his incredible, smart, brave, caring, and fearless boy.

"I know, Daddy," James grinned at him.

"Charlie…" he looked to her next. "I may not be your dad, but its okay if you think of me like a father. I see you like my daughter. I want to be your dad. I will always want you."

"Daddy?" Charlie asked softly.

Ryan pressed his lips together before he forced himself to speak words he didn't agree with but knew it wasn't his decision.

"It's okay to think of me as your dad," he said. "But call me Ryan, okay?"

"Okay," Charlie said sadly.

"Come here," he said then wrapped his arms around both of them. He pulled them as close to him as possible, needing to hold them extra tight.

He wanted to tell Charlie that hopefully one day she could rightfully call him Daddy, but he didn't want to give her false hope. He had no idea what the future would hold. If it were up to him… well. It was up to him.

If he could just accept Hope for everything she had done and be willing to get past his fear of what a future with her would hold, he could have it all, including this amazing, shy, smart, considerate little girl as his daughter for real.

After returning to the car and getting the kids buckled into their booster seats, he patted down the pockets on his jacket, searching for his phone to check the messages before he got in the front seat. He used it during the day to take some photos of the kids. He was also commanded to take videos of certain animals by both kids so they could watch them again later.

He felt something in his left pocket. It wasn't cell phone size, but he also didn't remember putting anything in there.

Pulling it out, he recognized it instantly.

Hope gave him a tiny red box that wasn't supposed to be a Christmas present right before everything fell apart.

Opening the box, he saw a USB drive nestled in the padding.

Huh.

He put the lid back on. He would look at it later once he put James to bed.

Patting his pants pockets next, he found the missing phone, checked the messages, and then got in the car to head home.

Hours later, after dinner and couch cuddles, and taking Charlie home before putting James to bed, he loaded the USB drive.

Then he spent the next few hours with tears trickling down his cheeks.

Photo after photo, video after video.

Hope must have compiled every single video and photograph anyone had ever taken of James from the day of his birth until now. There were small captions with the photos so he knew James' age in each and the event.

She even included photographs of her pregnancy, from the tiniest of bumps until she was ready to pop, with the number of months she was at in each.

When she told him she would give him copies of the photos in the Christmas ornaments, he hadn't expected all of… this.

So many things he missed combined in one tiny gift.

It wasn't everything.

It wasn't possible to give him that.

But it was enough.

---

She found the invitation two days later.

With everything happening, Hope hadn't gone through the mail she missed during Christmas vacation. It was never a huge priority for her as anything really important was either sent to her electronically or special handling.

When she pulled the thick stock paper from the envelope, she knew immediately it was an invitation. When she looked at the front cover, she instantly recognized the emblem.

The Richmond Museum of Art.

Saturday, January 31, 2043.

7:00pm.

Black Tie Optional.

They were holding their annual fundraiser.

The very fundraiser she met Ryan at six years ago.

She skipped it every year since. Her family had no plans to put any more of her father's work on display yet. Plus, Landon asked her not to go again.

She still visited the museum on occasion to see the fresh exhibits and make sure her father's works were being well cared for but she never attended that fundraiser again, only sending an ample donation in her stead.

Placing the card to the side, she decided she would make another donation. There wasn't really any point in going.

It would only be a trip down memory lane she didn't need.

Or did she?

---

Less than three weeks later she found herself making arrangements to attend the fundraiser.

Things hadn't really gotten easier for her. She just got used to the new routine.

Some things were better, but she still walked around with a constant ache inside.

Lucia apologized for interfering again the first time Hope dropped Charlie off before heading to her volunteer work. Her mother-in-law was a bit distraught, thinking her words had inspired Ryan to demand joint custody and was why Hope didn't get to see her son half of each week. Hope let her know it had been her choice to make a new arrangement for James. She did, however, ask Lucia not to interfere in any of her relationships again. That coming to her with her concerns instead was the fastest way to avoid any further unpleasantness.

Charlie stopped sucking her thumb so much and looked forward to her time spent with Ryan every week. Hope hadn't heard her call him Ryan once, but she hadn't her call him Daddy again either. She hoped he was respecting her wishes whenever Charlie visited him. Charlie also continued to see Simone once a week. Her little play dates were a breath of fresh air for Hope. It was good to see her daughter socialize, and a nice friendship was blossoming between her and Candace.

James got into his first fight at school and she had gone into the principal's office scared that he was acting out because of all the changes forced on him. It turned out he was standing up for a friend against a little bully named Greg. At five years old, the 'fight' consisted more of pushing each other back and forth, which Greg instigated. The friend was a tiny shy little girl named Olivia. She was being made fun of because she still sucked her thumb sometimes.

The principal was proud of James for standing up for Olivia but explained that any kind of physical fighting should be avoided at all costs. The kids were too young to be more than reprimanded; but, the parents were brought in to show the seriousness of the situation. Hope knew James saw his sister in the little girl and was proud of him. She agreed with the principal, though she had no intention of disciplining him otherwise.

She informed Ryan of the incident and thought maybe the next time James invited Timmy over he could invite Olivia too.

Surprisingly, the next time Timmy came over James asked for Olivia and Greg to join them. Some time in the few days between their fight and the weekend, all of the kids had made up.

"You want Greg to come over too?" she had asked. "Do you think Olivia would be okay with that?"

James nodded.

"We're friends now," he said.

"That's great!" she said surprised, but then they were kids. Grudges didn't last that long.

"Daddy asked why Greg made fun of Olivia instead of playing with the toys with all the other kids," he said. The fight had occurred during free time.

"What did you tell him?"

"Greg never plays with the other kids," James said. "Daddy said maybe it was because none of the other kids asked him to play. He could be lonely."

"So you asked him?" she asked, feeling the love she had for Ryan soaring. He had more than proven he was destined to be a great father already, and this was one more reason to add to the list.

"Uh huh," James said. "But I told him he had to be nice to all the kids."

"And now you're all friends," she said with a smile.

"Uh huh," James nodded.

That was two weeks ago, and Hope still remembered how chaotic that day was once all the kids arrived. Timmy, Olivia, Greg, and Simone came to play with James and Charlie. She had her hands full. Thank God Candace decided to stay and help. Candace was nearly seven months along by then, but she was healthy as a horse and figured it was good practice for when she would eventually have two kids of her own running around the house.

At the end of the day, the kids were all happy and Charlie and Simone made three new friends.

James was thriving and learning to be an incredible human being.

Charlie was making friends and learning to come out of her shell.

Her kids were doing great.

Hope… well. She didn't know what to do with herself.

Ryan still tried to ask to spend time with her at least once a week—completely platonically, of course.

She wanted to, more than she hoped she would feel after an entire month of barely seeing him. Moving on wasn't going as well as she hoped.

The decision to go to the fundraiser came when she decided going would be a good way to lay everything with Ryan to bed completely. She would go, take that walk down memory lane for the very last time, then close the door on being with him forever. She would find the strength to do it. She needed to find the strength to do it. He was never going to forgive her. Never trust her.

Never love her.

---

It was her weekend with the kids, so she asked Rafael to watch them while she attended the fundraiser. He readily agreed.

She dressed carefully for the event, choosing not to wear black this time. Instead, she wore a lacy dark maroon long-sleeve dress. She loved the way the sleeves gripped at her wrists. There was nothing overtly sexy about the dress though it emphasized all her best attributes without putting them on display. She still wore black with her accessories, finishing off the outfit with dangling earrings and her Manolos.

She would go, see the unveiling, listen to the boring speeches, write a check, admire the art, wonder around to the portraits area… then pick up the kids, go home, and try to figure out the next step in her life.

Rafael was waiting when they arrived.

"Uncle Raf!" the kids squealed as they ran to him.

"Hey, guys," Raf said with a smile, returning their hugs. "Ready to build a fort and eat all the bad stuff?"

"Yeah!" they said.

"Go on in. I'll be there in a minute," he told them.

The kids ran into the house not needing to be told twice. They were excited to spend the evening with their favorite uncle.

"Not too many bad things, I hope," Hope said, bringing up the rear and handing him a bag with a change of clothes for each just in case, and some extra things he might need.

"Just a few marshmallows or two," he replied with a shrug, setting the bag inside his doorway. "It's the first time I've had them both at once. Any pointers?"

Her plan was to pick them up late after the fundraiser. She knew they would be asleep by then. Normally, she would let them spend the night, but she was still wary of letting Charlie stay overnight anywhere. Rafael being her uncle, it was different from Ryan, but she would still rather not take the chance.

"Good luck," she said with a grin.

"Gee, thanks," he teased. His eyes took her in. "You look great."

"Thanks," she said.

"And who is this ensemble being wasted on?" he asked.

"Well, I tried," she said, "but I couldn't find a date."

She hadn't tried. At all.

"Give me a sec," he said, aiming his thumb back over his shoulder. "I'll be ready in ten minutes flat."

She laughed softly, appreciating the joke.

"Thanks, but you know we don't date."

"And we both know who you wanted for your date," he said.

Hope hadn't really told him much about the situation with Ryan. He knew she was in love with him. He knew they didn't spend much time together anymore. He didn't know how devastated she was because of that. Though, he could probably figure it out.

"It doesn't matter," she said. "He can't forgive me."

"Now, that's a darn shame," he said, shaking his head.

"I get it though," she said. "I understand. I wish there was something I could do, but I can't. He may want me, but he will never trust me. And no relationship is possible without trust. I-I just need to accept that. It's also something I probably shouldn't be talking about with you."

"Hey, it's ok," Rafael said with a reassuring smile. "Landon asked me to look out for you—not that I wouldn't have done it anyway. Talk to me about anything."

"Then what do you think?" she asked.

"I think he's being an idiot," he said bluntly.

"But—"

"You made a mistake," he said. "But you are more than that mistake. You accepted the blame, and you've grown past it. In spite of that mistake, you are still one hell of a woman. If he never comes around, that's on him."

"I keep trying, but I don't know how to get over him," she said, flushing at his words. Rafael definitely did wonders for her self esteem.

"Just do what you've always done," he said. "Make peace with the things you can't change. Adopt all the babies you want, save all the women you can, keep trying to be the hero that saves the world behind the scenes. Find someone else to fall in love with who sees past the mistakes and loves who you are at the core. And just be happy, Hope. That's all Landon ever wanted for you. That's all I want for you."

She brushed at the corner of her eye.

"Hey, now, none of that, you'll ruin your makeup," he said with a gentle smile.

"Its water proof," she laughed.

"Well, stop crying anyway," he said. "And come give me a hug before you go off and wow all the fuddy-duddies."

"Did you just say fuddy-duddies?" she said.

"Would you prefer old rich stick-in-the-muds?" he said.

"That's my people you're talking about," she laughed but gladly accepted his hug. She couldn't remember the last time she hugged someone who wasn't under three feet tall. It was desperately needed.

"Well, your people are my people, so I guess I'll go play in the mud," he said, patting her back and pulling away.

"If Charlie and James join you, be sure to give them baths afterwards," she laughed.

"Will do," he laughed too.

---

Ryan hated the five days in a row every other week when he didn't have James.

He had been contemplating for the past couple weeks whether to ask for Charlie on a day he didn't have James, especially during the five day stretch, just so he didn't feel so alone.

Because that's how he felt.

Lonely.

So much for that dream.

A month had passed and he felt as if his life had hit a complete standstill, looking forward only to the time he spent with the kids. Everything else was just work, sleep, eat, repeat. He still had his usual hobbies and interests mixed in, which kept him sane during his five days of solitude, and he was always reading some new parenting article, but it didn't hold as much satisfaction as it used to.

He missed his family.

He missed her.

Trying to wear her down wasn't working. He didn't even need anything big once a week. Just five minutes sitting on a park bench to talk. To be in her presence.

Fighting with himself constantly had also become a pastime of his.

Yelling at himself to tell her he forgave her sometime between the first photo on that USB drive and the last.

Yelling back that forgiving her didn't fix the problem because he still didn't trust her.

Yelling again to get over his asinine fear; she said she loved him and would never hurt him again.

And yet, she loved Landon and she still did it to him.

Landon survived her betrayal, even forgave her for it.

Ryan already survived her walking out on him. He survived the anguish that came with knowing he missed the beginning of his son's life.

If she ever betrayed him, he didn't think he could survive it.

The internal yelling would resume then, saying that he knew her. He had spent four months with her. He would've sworn she wasn't the type to ever betray someone like that. What he knew of her now, it would be so easy to trust that. It was everything he knew of her from before that was holding him back.

He was at an impasse. He had been for a month. He knew he didn't want to go on the way things were but didn't know what to do change it.

The sound of his cell phone jingle interrupted his thoughts, startling him.

He didn't recognize the number, but his number was private and only someone important would be calling.

"Hello?"

"You're an idiot."

"Excuse me?" Ryan said, not recognizing the voice and not appreciating the message.

"It's Raf," Rafael said. "And you're an idiot."

"Well, I'd say it's nice to talk to you, but…" Ryan replied. "How'd you get this number?"

"I'm watching the kids," Rafael said. "James told me."

One of James' kindergarten homework assignments was to learn his parents' cell phone numbers by heart. It was part of a unit on safety, and Ryan and Hope had both worked with him to memorize his number. James already knew Hope's. She drilled her number into James' head from the moment he could comprehend what numbers were.

"I guess you aren't calling because there's an emergency," Ryan said. "So, did you just want to call me names or is there a point?"

"I talked to Hope."

"Well, that explains everything," Ryan said sarcastically.

"It should," Raf said. "Because you're being an idiot."

"You can stop saying that anytime now," Ryan said.

"Do you love her?" Raf asked.

Ryan fell silent.

"Do you love her, man?" Rafael stressed every word of his question. "Because if you know the answer to that, the rest comes easy. All the shit that came before, the stuff you can't forgive her for, just let it go."

"I—I forgive her," Ryan finally said. "I just… don't know if I can trust her."

"Because of the past? Come on, man," Rafael said. "Stop holding onto that. Just try again now that you're both older and wiser. If you don't love her, then okay, that's it. Just keep on living like you are, passing your kid back and forth. But if you do love her, if the thought of never seeing her again hurts your soul, if you can't bear the thought of her marrying someone else and having someone else's kids, then maybe you should do something now before it's too late."

"What about your parents and Landon?" Ryan said. He could feel his walls crumbling as Rafael made one direct hit after another.

"Bro, now you're just hiding behind excuses," Rafael said. "You let me deal with my parents. What goes on between you and Hope ain't their business anyhow. As for Landon, did he tell you not to? Did he ask you not to get together with Hope after he died?"

"No," Ryan said.

"Did he say anything at all to you about Hope before he died?"

"He said he… just wanted her to be happy," Ryan said.

"And what do you think would make her happy right now?"

---

"Fancy meeting you here."

Ryan greeted her with a devilish smile when Hope turned his way in shock.

"These two are easily my favorites on display," he said, nodding at the portraits she was standing before.

Andrea and Caroline by Niklaus Mikaelson.

Talk about coming full circle.

He got his invitation in the mail after Christmas and, for the first time in six years, he didn't plan on going.

Even though he found it a fruitless endeavor, he still showed up at the annual museum fundraiser every year just in case she showed again.

She never did, of course.

He smirked at the irony that this year was the one she chose to finally to make an appearance.

Rafael was all too forthcoming with the details of Hope's plans for the evening.

So, Ryan showered and dressed quickly in a black suit over a black dress shirt and left for the event as quickly as possible.

"What are you doing here?" she asked breathlessly.

Staring at her father's portraits, she was thinking about Ryan's interpretation of Andrea being Dad's past and Caroline being Dad's future, and how each of them brought him hope. Both literally, as Mom had given him Hope, and figuratively, as he held so much hope for what the future could bring with Caroline.

She needed a little bit of hope at the moment herself.

Seeing Ryan at the event was the very last thing she expected. How was she ever going to make peace and move on now?

But, wow, he looked incredible tonight.

"Got a call," he said with a shrug. "Apparently I'm an idiot."

"Raf," Hope said, shaking her head. Her brother-in-law was a lot of things. Was he trying to play matchmaker here? Not that it mattered. Ryan wasn't there for anything other than to 'go back to the way they were before'.

She wouldn't bother getting her hopes up

"So he shared his opinion of me with you too, huh?" he said with a devastating grin.

"What do you want, Ryan?" she asked.

The sooner she could get away from him and that smile, the better. She hoped time away would help, but now she could only hungrily take in his face as if she had been starving for it.

"I want to apologize," he said, figuring that was the best place to start.

After all, James had told him he should apologize.

"For what?" she sputtered. "You have nothing to apologize for. This is on me. It's not your fault that you can't forgive me."

"But I can," he said. "I did."

"What?" she asked, eyes boring into his as if searching for some hidden truth. "When? How?"

"A few weeks back I found your gift," he said. "The photos, the videos. Thank you for all of that by the way."

"I should've given it to you sooner," she said, softening.

"It was more than I ever hoped for…" he said. "I missed so much, but… it helped. A lot."

She nodded, accepting his thanks though he really didn't need to give it. It was only what he deserved.

"Okay, so…look. Landon told me you did want to find me before James was born. Back then, I couldn't figure out why you lied," he said. "Why did you say you never tried to find me when it was Landon who shut it down? It may have been easier for me to forgive you from the start if you told the truth. But you didn't. And lying, well, when I was trying to learn to trust you, it didn't help the situation."

"You wanted to build a relationship with Landon," she said, remembering that little white lie clearly. "That was more important than what you thought of me. I didn't want to say anything to jeopardize that."

Though, at the time she didn't realize how much it would jeopardize her future. Given the chance though, she wouldn't have done anything differently.

"I know now," he said. "I didn't at first, but then you gave me the photos and the videos. You gave me everything you possibly could. You went overboard in trying to make things right, just like you went overboard in taking the blame to make things right between me and Landon."

She swallowed.

"I am to blame," she said. There was no refuting that.

"Either way, realizing that helped me finally forgive you," he said.

Knowing that she cared enough about giving him time with his brother that she would let herself look badly? It was incredibly selfless. He wouldn't have put any of the blame on Landon even if she had told him the truth, but he still appreciated what she did. It spoke volumes for her character, the character he kept questioning because she cheated on her husband in the first place.

"Then why didn't you tell me when you first realized?" she asked. "Why am I just finding out now?"

"Because I'm an idiot?" he offered half-heartedly.

She rolled her eyes.

"Because that wasn't our only issue," he said honestly.

"You still didn't trust me," she said softly.

He nodded.

She needed to say all the words. All the words she held back during their breakup, the words that he deserved to hear even if he didn't believe her because he couldn't trust her.

If not for him, then for herself, so that she knew she had done absolutely everything she could to fight for a future with him. Maybe that was why the past month had been so hard for her. She gave up instead of fighting. She did it because she didn't feel like she had any real ground to stand on. What she did to him was terrible. She had only gotten what she deserved.

But she couldn't keep giving up. Not when it was slowly killing her.

"I want to tell you a story," she said.

"I've got nothing but time," he said.

She looked at the portraits to collect her thoughts. Gazing at him was distracting. She needed to look away to formulate her words clearly.

"My grandmother cheated on my grandfather," she said.

Not what he expected to hear.

"He was away a lot, for long periods of time and she had an affair with a neighbor," she said. "She never told him. She never told Dad either. Dad was in his early twenties when he discovered he wasn't a Mikaelson by blood."

She sighed, remembering how the scandal had rocked their family even though she was only in first grade at the time. Her grandfather had always treated her father as if he were inferior to the others because he was a man who enjoyed painting, culture, and the beauty found in the world around him. Dad got the last word when he became successful and world renowned all on his own, loving that people came to know the name 'Mikaelson' because of his success as an artist instead of business, government, or military means. When Dad found out the Mikaelson patriarch wasn't really his father, he loved his last name even more. He still shared it with his siblings, whom he loved and who loved him unconditionally. He also saw it as a giant middle finger to the father who raised him but could never seem to love him before knowing he wasn't actually his.

She, too, was a Mikaelson by name and not blood, but she carried the name with as much pride as her father did. The name was more than her grandfather by then. The name was five men and two women—her father, uncles, and aunts—and that was a legacy she always wanted to be a part of. That she wanted her children to be a part of.

… And maybe she also didn't mind giving a giant middle finger to her grandfather either especially since he regarded her as inferior as well, considering her father and her origins.

But that was a story to tell Ryan another day, if he ever wanted to hear it.

"I could never understand how my grandmother could do that," she said. "Of course, I wouldn't exist, be the person I am, if it hadn't happened. But still. And then… the night I met you, I was certain my marriage was over. We were trying to have a baby. The doctors said he couldn't, and I didn't care. I was just as perfectly happy adopting as I would be with a biological child. Was I disappointed? A little, but I was okay with it."

She looked him straight in the eye.

"Landon wasn't."

He understood what she was telling him. The full story. The story he never once asked for instead choosing to judge her for her actions based on the knowledge that she was married at the time of James' conception.

"The night you and I met was the third month in a row he deliberately made sure he was out of town when it was our best chance," she said. "After cutting off my dream of a big family at every turn, not even considering the other possibilities even though he had been adopted, even though he was on board with a big family before we married? It was the last straw. I was miserable. My dreams weren't important to him and I felt that meant he didn't really love me. I removed my ring and fully intended to end our marriage when he came home."

She absentmindedly stroked the finger that once held her wedding band. She resolved not to be one of those widows who held on too tightly once her husband was gone, especially since her feelings had changed so much for him before he died. She gave herself until the last time she cried uncontrollably at his loss, and then she tucked the ring away. She would always keep it; always treasure it as a part of her life. It was a chapter of her life mixed with joy and pain that eventually came to an end. The chapter ended, but the book still went on. There was plenty of story yet to be told.

"When he did get home," she continued, "He explained it was his frustration with not being able to give me what I wanted that made him stay away. That he was in denial; and, as long as he stayed away, he could go on pretending there was a possibility he could."

Ryan finally understood how she could do what she did. She should have ended the marriage first before moving on though, but Landon wasn't in town to do that. He could understand how she could question Landon's love for her. He had seen her with the kids. They meant everything to her. To deny her of ever having that was cruel. Landon probably never meant to make her feel that way; he was just struggling with his own inadequacies. Inadequacies Ryan was all too familiar with, but then he had much longer to adjust to the idea than Landon had.

"When I found out I was pregnant, I knew there was no way I could keep the truth from Landon," she said. "I couldn't let history repeat itself with me. I thought we would be over for real when I told him, but we weren't. He didn't want me to leave. So, I stayed. When I gave birth, he treated James like he was his own, from the very first day. Landon was not my grandfather. I would've told James eventually though, when he was old enough to understand. And… you were right. If Landon hadn't gotten sick, maybe it would've been even more years before you knew about James. A what if… And, honestly? That's the only thing I would've regretted. A what if."

'What ifs' had been chasing Ryan around his head for a while now, but that was all they were. A paranoid possibility of what could have been when it never happened in the first place. Why did he keep wasting so much time on the what ifs, when he should have been focusing on the 'what is'?

He really had a lot to thank Rafael for. Maybe he should send him a fruit basket.

Or, some Marvel figures. Was there one he didn't already have?

"The rest?" she said. "I don't regret it anymore. If I hadn't slept with you, I wouldn't have James. If I hadn't left you, Landon would've gone through all of that without me. Without ever knowing James. Without James ever knowing him. Any number of things could've changed our fate at any given moment, but what if this was meant to happen? I hear all the time that everything happens for a reason. What if that was the reason? And if so, I don't regret any of it. I refuse to live my life with regrets any longer."

It sounded like she was pretty much on the same page as him. He should really interrupt her to let her know she didn't have to keep on talking, that everything was already going to be okay.

She was just so gorgeous while she was being fierce and stubborn and fighting for him, he wanted to bask in it just a little while longer.

"This is my life, and I want you to be a part of it," she said. "As more than just my son's father, as more than Charlie's father. I want you to be mine. I want the four of us to be a real family. I know you don't trust me, and maybe you won't believe me this time either, but I needed to say it. I needed to remind you that doing what I most want sometimes turns out to be the exact right thing."

Another throwback to that first night.

"Somehow Landon forgave me for everything," she said. "Somehow he learned to trust me again. I still don't know how, I certainly didn't deserve it. I understand if you can't ever trust me. But I needed you to hear the full truth before you make that decision."

Ryan stared into her eyes as he reached out to take her hand in his. He already made the decision before her story. Rafael helped him see he really was an idiot. But he was glad he knew the full truth now. Any lingering doubts floating around were squashed by the truth.

And he trusted that it was the truth.

She grasped hold of his hand tightly, threading her fingers through his, gazing at him with her heart in her throat.

"Landon forgave you because he loved you," Ryan said, speaking for the first time after letting her tell her entire story. "When you love someone, you can forgive them anything."

Hope's eyes glistened, shining hopefully at him.

He said he forgave her. Did that mean…

"Have I mentioned that blue is my favorite color?" he asked softly, her blue eyes entrancing him.

"Why have one favorite color when you can enjoy them all?" she asked with bated breath, returning his long ago words.

"Because sometimes a color isn't just a color, it's an experience," he said. "A flash of blue. The color of the eyes of a woman who turned my world upside down. A blue that takes me back to the greatest night of my life. So, when I say blue is my favorite color, what I mean is..."

His eyes drifted down to her mouth.

"I'm your favorite experience," she whispered, her eyes drifting down as well.

His lips met hers.

Kissing Hope was a whole other experience in and of itself. The softness of her lips pressed against his invoked intense emotions within him. Holding back the burning need to devour her lips and explore the inside of her mouth, he coaxed himself instead to savor her tantalizingly slowly, nipping at her bottom lip, using his fingers to tilt her chin as he placed gentle kisses to different areas of her lips. He wanted more, so much more than could be given in the middle of the event they found themselves at. Instead, he offered her a silent promise of things to come.

Drifting away, he took in her upturned face, her eyes closed in sheer bliss, her lips still offered up to him.

Then they parted as she whispered one question.

"Do you love me?" she asked. Her voice was small and vulnerable.

"I think a part of me has loved you from the moment I met you," he whispered back.

"Oh, thank God," she breathed out as her eyes finally opened.

She was so relieved, she swayed.

He was right there to steady her and pull her into his arms, breathing in the scent of her and welcoming the familiar warmth of her curves against him.

"The decision to trust you had already been made," he said. "It's why I showed up tonight."

"You mean I didn't have to say all that?" she asked, content to rest her head against his chest. She missed him so much.

"Not really," he murmured. "But I'm glad you did. Not to prove I could trust you, but so I can know everything and anything there is to know about you."

"I think we have a lot of things to talk about," she said, pulling back to look up at him, her hands still pressed against his chest. "And a lot more to learn about each other, because we clearly don't know everything even if we think we do."

"What do you mean?" he said, feigning bewilderment. "I do know you. I've known you since before the night we met."

"So, that's why you recognized me immediately," she teased.

"Yes, your body falling into my arms and a face full of your hair," he teased back. "Instantly recognizable."

She laughed.

"Then, I think we should keep remembering," she said. "Maybe we could go somewhere to talk about it?"

"Where you lead, I'll follow," he said with a smirk.

She didn't want to go back to her house. It still held the ghost of Landon, and she wanted to give Ryan a place to talk on neutral ground… ground that had nothing to do with anyone else except for her and him.

"We could get a room at The Jefferson?" she suggested.

He glanced at the portrait of Andrea.

"Shh, not in front of your mother," he teased even as his eyes blazed with heat. "Though that suggestion brings back the most vivid of memories."

"But the kids," she worried. "I told Raf I would pick them up late. I can't let Charlie stay the night there. If she mentions it to the counselor…"

"Let him know you will pick them up late," he said. "Just… later. It'll mean he'll have to get up in the middle of the night, but he did call me an idiot, so payback's a bitch."

"Something tells me he hoped for this outcome anyway," she said with a knowing smile. "A two a.m. wake up call shouldn't bother him too much."

"Let's make it three," he suggested.

"Sounds good to me," she grinned, taking his hand again as they turned to leave.

"By the way," he asked, looking down. "You aren't wearing Prada are you?"

"No, why?" she asked, looking at her heels.

"It would make a terrible name."

---

Epilogue

---

Five Years Later. 2048.

It was a beautiful spring day.

The sky was clear, the birds were singing, and there was a gentle breeze that made the day even more enjoyable.

The birds were singing?

Rafael shook his head.

"Did you notice the birds are singing?" he asked out loud. "I can't be the only one."

Landon didn't answer, of course.

Sitting on the bench across from Landon's tombstone, he didn't really expect anyone to answer.

If someone did, well, at least he parked close enough to make a fast getaway.

Unless it was Landon.

Of course, Landon hadn't answered in the nearly six years Rafael had been visiting his grave. Something told him, he wasn't going to start now.

"Status update?" Raf said. "Everyone's alive and well. Unless you count Dad's eucalyptus tree. It didn't survive the winter. Dad's been trying to hide it from Charlie. She loved that tree."

But then, she loved all of the plants. Rafael loved that Charlie somehow "inherited" Dad's green thumb. Combing her love of plants, with her love of building things, his niece had created her own little garden with stones and planters that was really quite incredible for a ten year old.

"Mary is still as obstinate as ever," Rafael said with a hearty laugh, thinking of the last time he spoke with Hope.

A year ago, Ryan and Hope adopted another girl who was seven years old and had a temper on her that rivaled the worst tantrums James or Charlie had ever thrown. They had their hands full with her. Mary came from a bad background. She was very distrustful of most people. It wasn't easy for her to let anyone in. After constant love, mixed with firm discipline, she eventually started mellowing towards her new parents.

Mary argued constantly with her new siblings—well, as much as she could argue with a sister who still didn't like to talk much. Charlie wasn't as terribly shy as she used to be, but she wasn't one to speak without thinking her words through first. She was an introvert like her father.

Ryan and Charlie had always had a special bond, even before he officially adopted her after he married Hope in the summer of '44. Hope waited nearly two years after Landon's death to marry Ryan, but they were engaged for most of that time. Fortunately, as soon as Ryan proposed, Hope agreed it was okay for Charlie to call him Daddy.

Rafael was pretty sure that was Charlie's favorite word.

Even though Mary argued with her siblings, she still followed them around like any younger sister would. She watched Charlie with her garden and asked if she could pull weeds sometimes. With James, she liked to tag along behind him and his best friend Timmy, constantly wanting to do whatever they were doing even if it happened to be playing video games. She got very frustrated when they wouldn't let her play because there were only two controllers. She also wasn't very good at it yet, but that point was moot.

"She threw a book at a boy who was annoying her in class last week," he said. "The teacher asked him for the answer to a question since he was too busy bothering Mary to pay attention. When he said he didn't get it, Mary threw the textbook and told the teacher, 'Maybe he gets it now?'"

Rafael laughed.

"If that woman kept a straight face, I don't know how," he said.

Hope told him that once she broke through Mary's walls, the best way to discipline Mary wasn't a time-out. That only made her more rebellious. No, instead she told her newest daughter she was disappointed in her. Just that word and the look on Hope's face was enough to bring Mary to tears and promise not to do it ever again. The girl would even go to her room voluntarily, dishing out her own punishment.

Hope was working with Mary on her anger issues.

Rafael remembered when he first found out Mary was a less than perfect child, he asked Hope if she really wanted to keep her. Hope answered with a resounding yes. Mary didn't need someone to give up on her. She needed a constant unconditional love. He couldn't disagree.

Much to his disappointment, Mary didn't like The Disney Store. Mary didn't care about girly Disney characters or burly Marvel heroes. She did love music and learning new instruments though, so Landon's old equipment was getting a work out.

"I found one of your old piano books in one of those boxes in the garage Mom was always raggin us about clearing out," Rafael said. "Think it was the first time Mary was happy to see me when I gave it to her. Mom and Dad are still working on her."

That was an understatement.

His parents eventually came around with Ryan. It wasn't that bad with Dad, but Mom resisted tooth and nail. She didn't want to dislike Ryan; she just struggled with seeing him take Landon's place no matter how many times Rafael told her that wasn't the case.

It was James who finally fixed the situation. His nephew was very astute. It took a year, but he picked up on the way his grandmother was around his father. At six years old, going on thirty, he told his grandmother she was being "mean to Daddy" and he didn't like it.

That was it. Mom realized everyone in that house—the new one Hope and Ryan moved into together a few months after the night Rafael played matchmaker—loved and respected Landon's memory. James called her out and she realized she needed to stop being petty and accept that it was okay for Ryan to make Hope and James happy. She was ashamed she let her grief turn into bitterness and caused a rift in their family.

Ryan was much happier to visit Mom and Dad nowadays, and Rafael was relieved he didn't have to argue with his mother anymore about it.

The joy of gaining another granddaughter, though, was stifled when Mary promptly dismissed her new grandparents. She didn't like new people, after all. She suffered through dinners and activities, but mostly her personality clashed with Mom's. Rafael figured if he could find a way to reach the girl, they would too. Someday.

"James though," Rafael said with a beaming smile, "I wish you could see him, Land. He just keeps growing. I didn't know ten year olds could get that tall. He's been running circles around me on the court too. We always figured he'd run track in high school, but the kid may have an NBA career if he wants one."

Not that he would. James loved sports, but he also loved learning. He took after Ryan in that way. Ryan loved history and passed that love onto James. Apparently Ryan's mom was a history professor, so it must run in the family. Every time Rafael checked in with James, he told him about some new museum or memorial battleground Ryan took him to. The kid was a fount of information, not that Rafael was surprised. He still remembered a time when James could recite detail after detail about practically every dinosaur that ever existed.

Hope mentioned Ryan planned to take Mary to a concert at a music conservatory. She was hoping music would be a good outlet for Mary, help her control all that anger, and use it in her music. Much the same way Hope channeled her own emotions into her art.

Checking in with Hope weekly, it did his heart good to see her happy. He made a promise to Landon to look out for her and make sure she found happiness. He succeeded in keeping that promise.

"Hope told me some good news," Rafael said, smiling as he remembered the excitement in her voice. "There's gonna be another little Mikaelson-Clarke running around soon. She's three months along."

The family Hope had always wanted just kept getting bigger and bigger. Rafael was laying bets she wouldn't stop until she had at least seven, just like her dad's family, but who really knew? It wasn't like Hope didn't have the time, money, or love to go around.

"She said if it was another boy, they were thinking about the name Christian," he said. "Not sure where that came from, but then I didn't know where James came from either."

When he congratulated Ryan and asked about the name, Ryan shrugged and said something about her Louboutins hurting her feet.

Whatever that meant.

"She's happy, Land," Rafael said. "Just like you always wanted."

Just like Rafael always wanted.

There was no denying years ago he was a little bit in love with her. Even Landon knew it. Rafael wasn't sure anyone ever really walked away from meeting Hope Mikaelson without falling for her in some way.

When he realized she had fallen hard for Ryan, he didn't even blink. If he and Hope were ever meant to be, they would've met long before Landon met Hope. He knew Hope was not the woman for him.

He always hoped he would find a woman just as amazing as Hope but even better because she would be the perfect fit for him.

The one.

"So…" Rafael said, grinning as he listened to the cheerful singing of the birds again. It felt like Landon's spirit was joining in with his happiness. No wonder he noticed the birds today.

"I met someone."

---

Finished.

---

Author's Note

---

Three year later, twins Marc and Jacob were born.

I'm kidding!

Shout out to Marc Jacobs, Christian Louboutin, Prada, and—of course—Jimmy Choo!

I honestly know nothing about designer shoes besides the brand names.

All jokes aside, this year has been a bit rough for me in that I lost my last grandparent, my mom's mom, Grandma Ruth, as well as my Aunt Beatty, one of my father's sisters. Writing about Landon's decline and death, as well as showing the way each character processed that death, was very therapeutic for me.

There are a few important people I need to mention.

Extra special thanks to my bestie, Vicky, who put up with me as I constantly talked about this story and showed her pieces of the story for months. Thank you for always encouraging me, offering thoughts and advice when needed, and helping me find solutions whenever I got stuck to help make this story as real and epic as possible.

Special thanks to Rissy for being my awesome beta because this old laptop sometimes screws up words (as does this broad who clearly writes half asleep at times), and thank you for offering advice when needed.

Thank you to the talented Dasha and, again, Vicky for making gorgeous covers for each chapter of this story. To view those covers, visit my Instagram at gleechild_fic or search the #hismotherseyes tag there.

Thanks to you, the fabulous readers, who have gone with me on this emotional journey! All of the love, comments, and tears (I'm looking at you, Jazmin and Lynnaea) you've showered on me have made this one of my favorite stories to share with you.

And to think, this entire story evolved from one song: Heart's "All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You". Give it a listen when you get the chance.

Take care, and thank you for all of your kind words!

Love,

Sharon
ig: gleechild_fic
tw: the1nonlyglee

PS: I promise to never limit the number of chapters on a story again unless the story is finished before I begin posting. No more 100 page chapters ever again. LOL! ;)

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The Soundtrack

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As usual, I've compiled a list of songs on Spotify that I drew inspiration from while writing this story. Thank you to Lynnaea for suggesting songs to add to the list!

For AO3, follow the link for my Spotify Playlist here.

For FFN and Wattpad, search Spotify for "His Mother's Eyes" or "Holarke Legacies".

Also, for Wattpad, the link will be on my Conversations page, though it may be buried by now depending on how long ago I posted this.

A few honorable song mentions…

"All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You" – Heart

"Power Over Me" – Dermot Kennedy

"Here With Me" – Dido

"The Night We Met" – Lord Huron

"I'll Wait" – Taylor Dayne

"Look After You" – The Fray

"The Heart Wants What It Wants" – Selena Gomez

If there are any other songs that remind you of "His Mother's Eyes," please share them with me in the comments so I can listen and add them to the playlist for others to enjoy!