When I Was Little

by awakemysoul27

"Little blonde curls. Big blue eyes. Sand squishing between toes. Every time he saw her, she was different." Lucifer wasn't the only Archangel to have a kid. Eva learns what it means to be special. Sam/OC

40. Chapter Thirty Nine

Sorry for the delay! I know this will sound incredibly whiny but I didn't get one single review on the last two chapters I posted so I had to take a little time to feel sorry for myself. But I recovered and here we are. Just a side note: I am writing the character of Chuck/God as just that - a character. I hope this doesn't come across as preachy in any way. It's not meant to have religious undertones but what can I say - It's Supernatural. So I hope that everyone who reads takes it as it is - a work of fiction. Thank you for reading!

Chapter Thirty-Nine

When I found him in the common area of the bunker, I nearly dropped my pancake in shock. He'd only been gone for eight hours but he looked like he'd just returned from a week away in Miami. His skin was tan - except for where his eyes had been behind a pair of sunglasses - and he was wearing something that reminded me of my dad: A Hawaiian shirt, a pair of khaki cargo shorts, and some flip-flops. Last but not least, his arms were full of oranges. It took one of those oranges to fall from his arms and land on the floor with a thud for me to snap out of it.

"Where have you been?" I hadn't meant to sound so naggy. There was probably a special lightning bolt for people who nagged God but I couldn't help it. Here we were, trying to save the world, and he was on vacation. Sure, there had been a couple of hands of poker but that was because our main player had disappeared and there wasn't much else to do. "You said you were just going for oranges."

God shrugged and another orange became dislodged from his arms and fell onto the floor, rolling under the table. "Well, I got them. And they're freshly picked too." He said this cheerfully as if it would explain it all.

I huffed as he wandered to the kitchen, dropping oranges along the way. I skedaddled after him, picking up the strays so they wouldn't roll under anything and then create a stench weeks later. When he got to the counter, he let what remained in his arms fall into the sink, and then he started going through cabinets. "Where's Sam and Dean?"

I narrowed my eyes. "As if you don't know."

The innocent facade slowly faded and was replaced with annoyance. "Metatron needs to just stay out of it." Then he pointed a finger at me. "And you are not popping inside of my head to find my sister."

"Is that why you were at the beach all day, avoiding things? Because you didn't like our plan? And is there anything you can't see or hear?"

He smiled patronizingly, looking at me as if that were the most ridiculous question he'd ever heard; which I couldn't see how it could be, since I was positive that he'd heard quite a few stupid questions in his million years of existence. "No. There's not. Sometimes, your father can create a bit of a fog when he would pop into your head when you were a kid. Probably because he was afraid I'd sick Raphael on you which I would have, by the way, if I was still being the 'helicopter Dad' from thousands of years ago. But no...there's not much I can't see or hear. Only Amara."

"Well, that's inconvenient." When his eyebrows popped up, I elaborated, "That you can't see your sister. Not that you can see and hear everything."

As he started pulling things out of cabinets, I crossed my arms over my chest. "You know, you could have just told us no about the whole…" I pointed at my head, "Mind reading thing. You didn't have to stay gone."

"The ocean helps me think," he explained.

I smiled a little, suddenly remembering that this man...this powerful being, was in fact, my family. "Me too. I love the ocean."

He looked at me, an odd smile on his face. "It must run in the family because your father appreciates a good wave too." Apparently, the familial resemblance was also in his mind. "Speaking of the trickster, how come he's not here, helping to save the world? If I remember right, he was a big fan of good ol' humanity. Especially, the fairer sex. And music. He always did like a good guitar riff."

"Well, if you can see and hear everything, I'm sure you knew he was taken by Asmodeus and tortured." God looked away, probably so I wouldn't see the guilt on his face. "If you knew, how could you just...stand back and watch? Why didn't you help him? Technically, he's your child."

"You're...they're all my children, Eva." The thick powers surrounding him changed a little and I stepped back, afraid that I'd pissed him off. But I didn't care. I'd seen so much suffering in my short life that I couldn't understand how he could just allow it to happen. The knife he was holding sliced through an orange with a little more force than necessary. "As I told Dean before you came yesterday that I'd chosen to step back centuries ago. My methods of parenting weren't working so I decided to just let people learn their own lessons. It seemed to be working. And if you think your father was completely innocent in how he found himself in that particular predicament, you're fooling yourself."

"No, but people make mistakes. That doesn't mean they deserve to be tortured for it."

"Gabriel is not 'people'. Gabriel is an archangel who knows damn well that there are consequences for his actions," he growled. "That was the whole point of me stepping back to let people learn...to see if they can figure things out for themselves. Kindness and evil are not inherited traits. They are developed. They are choices. And nothing I was doing all those years ago was helping pure goodness develop in my creation. People, my children, were finding me and loving me out of fear. Not because they were thankful." For several moments, I just watched him...well, more than watching him, I was feeling his powers out for signs that I'd need to defend myself. They were reacting exactly how my dad did when we'd get into serious arguments. But I knew Gabriel wouldn't hurt me whereas I suspected God wouldn't really be bothered if I were to puff out in a cloud of fire and smoke. After all, I was dangerous as he'd previously mentioned. After he'd mutilated a few more oranges, he continued, "All those people that you saved...all the sick kids and people who were suffering? You have to understand - I didn't force that on them. I didn't point my finger and infect a child with cancer. I simply stood back and let nature take its course."

Now it was my magic's turn to flare as I pictured their innocent little faces, pale and weak, in my mind. When I thought of everything that had happened to Asha and her family. "Let nature take its course? When you could just...just step in, snap your fingers, and heal them all? Snap your fingers and feed every hungry person in the world for years?"

Chuck smiled at me again as if I were some ignorant child but it wasn't unkind. I imagined he smiled at most people like that when they asked these deep, dark questions. "If you have kids, you'll understand. Saving them, pulling them out of the darkness, isn't always what's best for them. I didn't invent cancer. Or hunger. Or hate. And I also can't take credit for the millions of people who try to help; all the people who buy food for the homeless or volunteer at hospitals just to make a dying person smile. Those are all choices and unfortunately without the pain, without the suffering, those choices would be taken away. If you remember, I'm all about the whole free will thing."

I frowned, a little petulant since I didn't like the fact that he was making a little bit of sense. "But when I tried to make a difference, I was threatened by reapers."

God shrugged. "You can feed the hungry, Eva, but interfering with things in that particular way will only screw up fate."

"So, we all have a stamped death date on our foreheads? What's the point of all this if we could just die tomorrow?" I asked. "What's the point of Sam and Dean dedicating their lives to saving people when those people could just drop dead the day after they leave from a heart attack?"

"The ultimate gamble. Getting on the subway. Walking through a sketchy neighborhood. Having that last drink and getting behind the wheel. Every day is a risk. I believe that's the choice your father is having to make. Should he or shouldn't he? One thing about Gabriel - he loves humanity but he's pretty darn selfish when it comes down to it. A constant struggle. Which makes me surprised that you're so selfless."

I waved off the compliment but was secretly delighted. "I wouldn't say I'm selfless."

"You spend your free time curing people of chronic illness instead of having a threesome in Cabo with a couple of busty blondes. I'd say that your dad and you are pretty opposite in that aspect."

Frowning, I put my hands on my hips. "So...yesterday, I was dangerous but today, I'm selfless?"

"You can be both," he pointed out. "But I still won't let you inside my head."

I sighed, "But it could work. And we could rescue Lucifer."

Chuck's face changed, all emotion void in his eyes. "Lucifer is less help and more hindrance."

"But-"

A glass of freshly-squeezed orange juice was pushed into my hands. "Did I see poker cards on the table?"

"Is it possible to beat God in poker?" I inquired, knowing that pushing anymore Saving-Lucifer propaganda would be pointless.

The smile on his face grew mischievous. "You wanna find out?"

Over the next couple of hours, I found out that poker with someone like Chuck was equally infuriating to sitting in traffic on a hot summer day with no air conditioning. We played a total of twenty enraging hands - which were fairly quick because I had no chance - before I finally told him no more. And he was not a good sport about it at all - cackling loudly and pointing a finger at me in ridicule were just a couple of his not-so-humble reactions to winning.

Just after I stood and started gathering the cards to put them away, God perked up and stood. "I think the boys are back. I'm gonna have to sit this one out."

My mouth fell open. "You're leaving? Again?!"

"Yeah, Metatron gets on my nerves since he lost his wings. He's very fan-girly. Not what I need right now."

Before I could argue, he disappeared. Wherever he'd gone off to, it wasn't anywhere in the bunker because the thick air of power was gone and I felt my shoulders drop with the relief of its absence. "Such drama…" I said, aloud, hoping he could hear me wherever he might be.

The guys walked in, followed by a short, disheveled-looking man who was taking in the place with wide eyes as they walked down the stairs. When they reached the bottom, his beady little eyes landed on me and he sucked in a breath. "Oh, my…you're...you're…a Nephilim. I heard stories but…" Stepping closer, he stuck his hand out as if he were going to try and touch me but I slapped it away. He whimpered a little.

"Uh, you sit down here," Dean ordered, yanking a chair out from under the table, and glaring at the man. "And don't move."

The man obeyed, looking quite disgruntled. "I was The Scribe of God for centuries. I think that earns me a little respect."

"And don't touch anything," Sam added, glancing in my direction. "Or anyone."

"You guys want beers?" I asked. "And what happened to the food?"

Sam closed his eyes and cursed silently. "I forgot."

"I can run out…"

"Uh, no, no...I can go after we hear what else he's got to say. I'd like for you to be here too so you know exactly what's going on." Sam leaned in while Dean debated something frivolous with Metatron who apparently was going by Marv now. "I feel bad that I kinda left our conversation hanging a little before I left. I don't want you to think that-"

"Hey...Sammy...you two paying attention?"

Sam huffed, "Yeah, yeah..let's get this over with."

Metatron went into what he believed God's plan to be, which was to sacrifice himself. He was going to let Amara take her revenge on him, lock him away if it meant she'd spare the universe that he'd created. It was practically a suicide mission. And Marv was here to help if he could because he owed it to his former boss.

"I can't get a good read on God," Sam muttered softly. "It's like...yeah, he's here but is he really going to help us? I guess if he's planning on letting her just destroy him, that explains his lack of enthusiasm. I mean, the guy took off this morning and hasn't been back. Who knows where he is."

"He was here while you were gone," I announced, causing all three of them to stiffen. "As soon as you guys got back, he disappeared." I didn't want to add that it was because of Metatron that he'd left. The guy had done some shady stuff, sure, but it seemed he was trying to make up for that. Plus, he was just so sad-looking. It was hard to imagine him as a powerful angel, nearly becoming God just a year ago. "And I agree - he's not in any hurry to call out his sister and put an end to her terror."

"Why did he just leave again? Because he didn't want to talk to us?" Dean questioned, looking a little offended. "You'd think a guy with this much Chutzpah would have no probably being on the front lines of something like this."

I looked at Metatron. "Have you ever met Amara? My...I heard that she was like a child, having a tantrum if God set his attention on anything but her and that's why she kept destroying her brother's creations."

The former angel was still looking at me as if I were a rare gem. "No, I've never met her. She was locked up long before I was created but I wrote stories about her. I know what makes her tick."

"Dean, you've spoken to her right? Does she seem to have any emotions? Like, can she care about things? It seems that God has a conscience but does she?"

Dean shrugged, looking a little uncomfortable. "She-she is angry, for sure, so I can imagine she has the capability to feel other emotions too. I just think she can't see past the revenge to actually see things clearly. Her main focus is destroying her brother's beloved creation."

"Hmm...why can't we just set up a way for them to just talk. Maybe they just need to have a conversation with each other. A divine intervention." I laughed a little but nobody else thought my pun was funny. "It just seems that is something simple we should try instead of automatically jumping to 'how do we kill her?' or locking her back up."

"9 times out of 10, the talking stuff is just a precursor to the fighting. It usually never works," Dean grumbled.

"Never? I mean, what if we were able to just show her that this world does not equal her brother. That all the people she's willing to destroy have their own thoughts and feelings and-"

"Eva, I know you're trying to help but Amara...she's inside my head. I can feel how angry she is. I don't think there is anything we can show her or tell her about this planet that would make that go away." He took a long pull from his beer. "Trust me. I've been there."

Sam shot me a look that pretty much said the same thing - good try but Dean is probably right. It won't work. "Did God say when he'd be back? I mean, we have to talk about this with him."

Dean stood up. "I'm gonna go see if he'll answer my prayer. Maybe he'll let me talk to him even if it's not in the bunker."

"I'll go grab some food," Sam said, rising and looking down at me. "You want to come?"

I smiled, thankful for the offer. "Yes, absolutely."

We decided on an old classic - burgers and fries. I would have just whipped something up if they'd had something whip-up worthy in their fridge but it had been a long time since they'd been to the Piggly Wiggly for milk and bread. On the way there, Sam kept glancing at me from behind the wheel but when I'd attempt eye contact, he'd look away.

"What?" I asked, fed up with the secret glances.

He looked surprised but he had that look in his eyes that said he knew exactly what I was asking about. "Uh, what? I didn't say anything."

"Exactly. What? Just say what you want to say." When he pressed his lips together and started concentrating heavily on the road, I huffed, "Is it about our last conversation?"

"Yeah, I just don't know how to say it without you getting upset."

"What if I promise to not get upset?"

He shrugged. "It's not even that big of a deal."

"Then say it, Samuel."

Affronted, his mouth fell open. "Did you...did you just call me Samuel? You did not just call me Samuel."

I laughed at his overreaction. "So, you don't want me to get involved with this whole Amara thing until you really need me because…" When he didn't respond, I decided I'd try to guess. I felt like I still knew Sam well enough to watch his face change when I guessed right. "Because you think I'll screw things up?"

"No, that's not-"

"Because I'm weak?"

"No."

"Because...because I'm like the grand finale? The last big punch before we close up shop?"

"Mmm..yeah, that's possible…"

"But not it," I sighed, looking out the window as we turned into McDonald's.

He was off the hook for a moment as he ordered enough food for an army because apparently, Dean liked cheeseburgers for breakfast too. After he'd paid and rolled up his window, the silence was deafening. I was done pushing him because that had never really worked for us. Usually, our best conversations came naturally but they always came.

"I feel like...look, I know that you have this life in Missouri and I'm really happy for you. I'm proud of everything you've done," he started.

"But?"

"But I feel like I just got you back. And even though it's not permanent and we're not...we're not exactly how we used to be, I still missed you. And it's good to have you back in the bunker, close and talking. I don't want to lose you by diving into this fight with Amara too fast. I don't want to lose you again because of a stupid decision I make." He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat as I waited for him to finish. "I know you know this but she's powerful. Much stronger than anything else we've fought against including Abbadon. And I also know you can take care of yourself which is why I think she'd target you first. But I just...I want to know more before just marching in. The cost is too high."

I wasn't sure what to say after that. It was one thing about Sam - he always let me know how he felt about me. Maybe his feelings weren't so obvious about other things but he wasn't afraid to give me a meaningful glance if I was feeling self-doubt. Or a whispered compliment when I felt unkempt.

"That means a lot to me, Sam. Thank you. And I promise that I'll be careful, okay?" Hesitantly, I grabbed his hand and squeezed, grateful when he squeezed back. "But I'm ready to help whether that's to keep you guys safe or fighting. And if I happen to die and the world keeps turning, just know that it's okay." When his only response was a thick swallow and another squeeze to my hand, I added, "But I'm not going to let that happen."

Sam blew out a breath. "Yeah, me either."

~~WIWL~~

The next morning, I was coming in from my overnight nap on the water tower just as Sam was coming out from his room. God had come back last night with Dean which induced a rather tiresome conversation between Marv and him about the past. Nothing helpful - they just wanted to rehash good times as if they went to high school together and went separate ways afterward. God was much less adamant about me not finding Amara through him - before it was, "Absolutely not" whereas now it was more of a "Nope, not happening". Sure, they sounded the same but I could see the exhaustion in his eyes as he was constantly hammered with the idea.

"Oh, hey...did you go home last night?" he asked, his eyes more troubled than his tone.

"Uh, no not exactly." I didn't want to tell him that I spent the night on top of a water tower because Sam would somehow blame himself even though he had no control over it.

"Uh, oh, okay." He ran his fingers through his hair, sweeping it back. "Kevin called - he's still no closer to pinpointing Amara. Actually, I don't really think he's trying really hard."

"He's opting out of this one?" Sam nodded, disappointed. "Can't say I blame him after everything he's been through."

"Yeah, I suppose." He smiled tightly at me. "I'm gonna go grab some toast. Want me to make you anything?"

"Yeah, toast sounds good. Thanks. I'll be out in twenty."

After a long, hot shower and some slight grooming, I walked into the dining area and sat down beside Sam. Everyone was quiet, either surfing the internet or reading old books. It was funny to me that our greatest resource was sitting right next to us but books were our go-to. Sam smiled and pushed a plate with a couple of pieces of buttered wheat toast toward me.

"Thanks," I grinned and tore into it. "Did the Scribe of God depart our humble abode last night?"

"Uh, no," Sam whispered. "He's sleeping in."

"He took the last bedroom," Dean pointed out. "And it's right next to mine. Creeps me out knowing he's right next door, probably sleeping in his tighty whities."

"Or maybe he sleeps nude," I grinned as Dean's eyes widened in horror.

"Definitely nude," God agreed, not even looking up from his...was that a People magazine?

"Oh, shut up! What's wrong with you people?!" Dean accused, his entire body tensing as he looked over his shoulder in the direction of his and now Marv's room. "Let's talk about business before I start having a physical reaction to his conversation." To prove that was possible, he visibly shuddered. " Now, how else can we find her?" Dean asked, his shoulders dropping in defeat. "There has to be a way."

"I hate to say it but Rowena would come in handy right now. She tracked her before, she could probably do it again," Sam shrugged. "Or what about tracking Lucifer? Would we have a spell for that?"

God huffed, "I still can't believe you think he's going to help you."

"It's our only shot."

Chuck shot me a meaningful glance. "No, it's not. Is it, Eva?"

I froze with a mouthful of wheat toast as everyone turned their eyes to me. Quickly, I chewed and swallowed, dabbing my mouth with a napkin. "I'm sorry, what are you talking about?"

"Yeah, Chuck, what are you talking about?" Dean asked, fire in his eyes at the thought that maybe I'd had a solution the whole time but was keeping it from them.

"Eva might not know it but she has a direct link to Lucifer," he announced, pleased that the heat was off of him for once.

Finally realizing what or whom he was talking about, I narrowed my eyes at him. "But I can't."

"So, I'm supposed to just let you have your way with me but you can't lay all your cards on the table?" Chuck asked with a smile on his face that made me grind my molars together. "That's not very fair."

"She's your sister!" I exclaimed. "And you have a direct link to Lucifer too!"

"What's going on?" Sam's eyes darted back and forth between Chuck and me.

When he didn't respond, I stood up and sputtered, "Fine. I'll be back."

Since I couldn't fly off from the bunker because of the wards, it was very dissatisfying to run out of gas halfway up the staircase. Bolting up the steps two at a time would have been equal to slamming a door in a fit of frustration but I just wasn't able to do it. Give me a nice jog and I can conquer it but stairs…? It would have been okay if Sam's long legs hadn't caught up with my stubby ones with ease. As I stepped outside, he grabbed ahold of my wrist before I could make my feathered exit.

"Hey, Eva, you okay?" I noticed that he was not letting go of my wrist so I would have to take him with me if I was going to fly away. "You seem...tense."

"Yeah, that's because I am. And before you ask, no, I can't tell you why." I held up my wrist that still had his fingers wrapped gently around it. "You can let go. I won't take off on you."

He hesitated. "Then take me with you. If you can't tell me...can you show me?"

My father would absolutely kill me. Sure, he didn't specifically say that I couldn't "show" someone that he was hanging around in Clarksville, Missouri; he made me promise not to tell anyone. Was that the same thing? Of course, it was. The truth was ever since Sam and I had broken things off, I'd felt guilty for not trusting Sam with my reasons for not responding to him. But at the same time, I was pretty damn hurt that he didn't just trust me that my reasons were important and valid. But he'd apologized. Did that mean that I would have to do my part and justify my absence over a year ago? No, probably not. I didn't have to do anything. But how was Sam going to react if I told him no? Was he going to flip again? Give me a lecture on trust and abandonment. There was only one way to find out.

"No, Sam, I can't. I made a promise to someone. And if we want that particular someone's help, bringing you with me isn't going to speed that process along." I looked away, afraid to see that disappointment creeping back into his green eyes. "It's going to be hard enough as it is."

His fingers fell from my wrist and I braced myself.

"Okay, but if you need me, you'll call me, right? You have my number?" I nodded, watching my feet shuffle on the ground. "I know Dean makes fun of me for driving like a Grandpa but I can get somewhere pretty damn fast if I need to."

I blew out a breath and risked a peek at his face. I saw no disappointment or frustration - only concern. "Deal."

"And if you happen to find out where she is…"

"I'll come back here before I do anything stupid. I promise."

He nodded. "Be safe, Eva."

As he turned around, I said his name softly and he looked at me over his shoulder. "Someday, I'll tell you. And you'll understand why I haven't been able to talk about it."

"I know. Just be careful."

I landed in my backyard in Clarksville feeling nervous. It wasn't that I was afraid of my father; I just wasn't sure how I could convince him to help us. He'd already sworn off any and all involvement in locking Amara back up or helping us figure out a way to stop her. So, asking him to help me locate Lucifer in an effort to rescue him from her torturous grasp would be a long shot. But I was going to pull out every tidbit of info I have on him to try and convince him.

With a wave of my hand, I magically unlocked my back door and strode on in. The house was quiet and for a few moments, I thought I was alone until I heard some faint giggling. Female giggling. I scrunched up my nose, wondering if I should just wait for him to realize I was here or call out for him, feigning ignorance of his company. However, it would be typical of him to realize I was here but feign ignorance of my presence in order to continue his...business with his company. The whole ordeal was already giving me a headache so I called out for him, loud and clear, using the term, "Daddy!" when I did it. If I couldn't creep him out, I'd creep out the woman he was with.

It took several minutes for him to appear and when he did, he was disheveled and wearing mismatched clothes. But what really made my jaw drop was the fact that he was coming downstairs instead of up them. "Where did you just come from?!" My voice was an octave higher than it had ever been before. "Were you in my bedroom?!"

His mouth opened and then he snapped it closed, probably unable to come up with a believable lie. "Your bed is just so much comfier and bigger and-"

I slapped him on the shoulder, already feeling dirty about my dad and his woman of the week doing something really gross on my favorite flannel sheets. "That is unforgivable."

"I'll buy you a new bed," he reasoned.

"Why didn't you just buy yourself a new bed and leave my bed out of it?!" My voice was still high and screechy but I wasn't sorry even when he put his finger in his ear and wiggled it a little. Then an idea popped into my head. "I think you owe me a favor now."

His eyes narrowed. "I don't like that particular look that you have smeared across your face right now."

I tried to look innocent but failed miserably, rocking back on my heels. "What look? I don't have a look."

"That's the same look you gave me when you asked me to fly you to the moon because I'd missed your ninth birthday. And if you remember correctly, I never flew you to the moon in spite of that...that pathetic look on your face." He crossed his arms over his chest defiantly. "Now what?"

"How about you get rid of whoever was giggling up in my bedroom and we'll talk," I suggested.

"Already done," he announced proudly.

My eyes widened. "What did you do? You didn't kill her, did you? Zap her out into the middle of the desert in just her skivvies?"

He laughed in spite of my accusation. "No, I didn't zap her into the middle of the desert. I made her climb down that tree outside your window and high-tail it to her own house."

"Oh geez," I rolled my eyes, making my way to the front window to make sure there wasn't a half-naked woman on my front lawn in need of help. "What a gentleman you are."

"Oh, she's fine. She thinks I'm in the special forces and when you called out for me, I told her that 'Daddy' is code that I'm being attacked." He grinned big. "Elaine isn't too bright but what she doesn't have in brains, she makes up for in bust, know what I mean?"

This wasn't an uncommon occurrence - my dad talking to me like I'm one of his fraternity brothers. And each time, I'd react the same way: Rolling eyes and lip curled up in disgust. If he weren't my dad, I'd teach him some sort of lesson with my magic.

"So, what's the favor? But if it has to do with Amara, I'm already a no, kiddo."

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. I had to play this right or it wouldn't get past the first sentence. Now that he wasn't so afraid to leave the house, he could fly to Alaska after I got the third word out. "Do you remember how terrible it was to be chained up and tortured?"

His head tilted to the side as he wondered where this could be leading. "I'm not sure I'll ever truly forget, Eva."

"It was awful, right? The pain. The disgrace. The humiliation. Not to mention, the lack of freedom." I paced casually, picking up bits of trash as I went. "You wouldn't want someone else to go through something like that, would you? And if you could help by doing something as simple as just thinking about that person, you would help, right?" I smiled sweetly. "Especially if your favorite daughter, whose bed you just had...you just contaminated, asked you to do it?"

His upper lip curled ever so slightly. "What are you getting at, Eva?"

I swallowed. "Lucifer."

Now he was really confused. I was surprised that he hadn't already been able to feel that Lucifer was being tortured. I mean, he was his brother. "He's out?"

"You didn't know?"

"Eva, I haven't been tied to Lucifer in centuries. Not only do I not want to feel his petty, ridiculous, random, murderous anger at anything and everything, I also didn't want to feel him during his imprisonment. I chose to cut ties with him. It's like being around someone who constantly bitches and moans about how unfair life is. He's a real Debbie Downer."

"A couple of weeks ago, he was captured by Amara. And now she's torturing him." When he threw up his hands and he looked like he'd already made up his mind, I continued, "Debbie Downer or not, he's still your brother, Dad. And he's going through exactly what you went through with Asmodeus. Don't you wish he would have been able to-"

Anger burning in his eyes, he cut me off. "He wouldn't! I could be on fire and he wouldn't piss on me to put it out! He's the devil, for Dad's sake! Why in the hell would you want to…" Realization hit him. "You think he's going to help you defeat her?"

"If we can rescue him, we're hoping that he'll have enough hate for her that he'll actually help us with boxing her back up." I shrugged. "It's all we have right now."

"That's a whole lot of nothing, sweetheart."

Now it was my turn to fume. "At least we're trying! Did you know that God is back? He's at the bunker, at least trying to save the world. While you're here, doing God knows what, just waiting for everything to just go kaput!" I ground my molars together and took a deep, calming breath in through my nose. "All I'm asking is for you to tell me where he might be. I'm not asking you to get involved. No one but God knows where I am and who I'm talking to. Please, Dad."

For a few moments, he just looked at me and I didn't look away because I wanted him to see the desperation on my face. I wanted him to see just how badly I needed this...the whole world needed this. Finally, he plopped down in a chair at the kitchen table, his finger drawing an imaginary picture on the table. "So...you met Dad?"

"Yeah, I met God," I frowned. "He's charming."

"Did he threaten you? Is he going to try and kill you when this is all over? Because I warned you, Eva. I warned you that-"

"You know what? I'm tired of your I-told-you-sos. It gets old," I huffed. "I think I'm doing pretty damn good for someone with a dead mother and an absent father. And if you choose to walk away from this one little favor, I don't know if our relationship will ever be the same." The comment may have gone a little too far and it surprised me how honest it felt coming out of my mouth. I realize that his staying away was part of keeping me safe as a kid but that didn't mean it didn't affect me. "Will you help us? Please?"

I could tell that he didn't like the ultimatum or the nasty comment I let fly but he didn't respond right away. "I won't help you find Lucifer."

My shoulders fell and my eyes welled up with tears at his rejection. I hadn't asked for much from him - just a hug every once in a while and maybe a little affirmation of love a couple of times a year. "Okay. That's fine. But don't expect me to-"

"Eva…" He broke in. "I'm not done. I won't help you find Lucifer because tying myself to him once again would make me completely miserable. And we all know that my feelings come first, right?" His attempt at a joke fell on deaf ears. "But I will help you find Amara."

I straightened. "You can do that?"

His signature mischievous grin grew slowly across his face. "I just need a shot of whiskey, a roast beef sandwich, and a clear head, kiddo."

The hug I gave him was longer and tighter than I could ever remember giving anyone. "Thank you."

"Just remember - I'm doing this for you. Not for Sam or Dean. Not for the world. Not even for God. This is for you. So if you get yourself killed because of this, I'll torment Sam for the rest of my life as payback."

"You're just the sweetest father," I laughed, pulling away from him.

"I mean it, Eva. I'll make his life hell if you get killed and he survives this mess."

"I guess that's motivation to stay safe then," I smirked. "Now, do you really need whiskey and a roast beef sandwich?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "Uh, yeah! I can't mentally locate my evil Auntie Amara on an empty stomach!"

Rolling my eyes, I flew off to go to the cafe in town and then to the Piggly Wiggly for the finest whiskey I could find. And just so you know, I paid for it unlike what my dad would have done, which was grab and go before anyone even knew he was there. I may have been emotionally unstable but I wasn't a thief for goodness sake.

Turns out, the sandwich and liquor were just a smokescreen. Really, he just wanted an hour or so to get as much information out of me as he could without seeming interested. I saw right through it but didn't say anything; I simply answered his questions as honestly as I could and watched the way his eyes danced at my answers. I could tell he wanted to be in on the action but was too proud to say or do so. When he was done, he made a show of wiping the crumbs off his face, shirt, and hands.

"Ready?" I asked.

Looking a little regretful, he took a deep inhale through his nostrils as his eyes moved all over my face. "If I haven't said it lately, you know I love you, right?"

My throat tightened up and my vision got all blurry. "I love you too, dad." And even though he didn't care for it, I hugged him tightly for the second time that day. "I'll be careful. I promise."

"She's stronger than anything you'll ever face, Eva. You pop in and get out so fast that she'll confuse your whiff of power with a whiff of Lucifer breaking wind." The serious tone mixed with his words made me snort. "I'm serious. You figure out where she's at and you scram, kid. Let your Grandpappy and The Winchesters go through with the actual rescue."

"I promise." I pulled away and kissed his scruffy cheek. "You know, you could always join in the fight. I wouldn't throw any of your words back at you or anything."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Let's do this. You ready?"

"Yup."

Swallowing down my anxiety, I steeled myself and put my hands on his head. The first thing I saw was a woman's naked body and I yanked my hands away from his skin as if they'd caught on fire. "Dad! What was that?!"

"Sorry...sorry...I was focusing on the wrong brunette. Let's try again." Worried, I hesitated as my face twisted in disgust. "No, really, let's do it. I promise - I'm good now."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I replaced my hands. When the image of Amara popped into my head, I took off, landing softly on the balls of my feet, making sure to stay hidden by my magic. I opened my eyes to see I had landed in what looked like an abandoned factory or farm. In front of me was a tall, circular building that resembled an old water tower or grain silo. Mentally pinpointing my location, I was two seconds from flying away when the noisy metal door flew open, smacking hard against the metal side. Not knowing what to do, I froze as a tall, pretty brunette walked slowly out of the building. Her dark eyes moved around, knowing that something powerful was there but unable to find where it came from. I could feel her power, similar to God's in strength, emanating off of her in waves. Her dark, loose hair flew in the slight breeze making her look like a dark angel. There was also something else I noticed about her - she looked so damn lost. Angry, yeah, I got that too but that sad, lost thing really threw me for a loop.

And I, too, was lost on what to do - If I flew away, would she be able to follow me? If I revealed myself, would she blow me away before I even had a chance to speak? Or should I stay frozen and hope that she brushes off her instincts as paranoia? My answer was forced upon me as I saw her eyes slowly narrow in my direction as if she'd finally figured it out. Before I had a chance to flee, she held her hands out and squeezed the air around me until I had no choice but to use all my magic as a shield. When I became visible to her, she straightened in surprise but she didn't loosen her grasp on me. It felt like a python had wrapped its thick body around my torso, squeezing slowly until my lungs could take in no more air.

"What do we have here? Were you sent by Him? Does He know you're here?" Her head tilted as I choked on what little air I could suck into my lungs. Sharp pain in my side indicated that one of my ribs had snapped like a twig and I groaned. "I should send you back to Him in pieces."

Flashes of people I loved flew through my brain - my dad, Dora, Asha, Sam, even my mom. I thought of how it felt to see them after a long time away, my dad's ornery jokes, that dimple in Sam's cheek when he genuinely smiled at me. Those feelings, those memories, were powerful and for just a brief moment, I was able to push her off of me with a fierce growl. Surprisingly, she stepped back a few steps and it was air to allow me to spread my wings and take off. If I'd been thinking about anything other than the pain, I would have been smarter - I would have landed somewhere obsolete in case she followed my trail. But I didn't and I wasn't so I landed at the door of the bunker, collapsing on my knees and putting my forehead on the cool, metal door. My breaths were wheezy rattles that caused pain with each inhale. And even though I could heal quickly, I was still afraid to move - afraid that if I turned the wrong way, one of my broken ribs would puncture my heart or lungs.

Carefully, I turned onto my butt and leaned my back against the building, making sure I didn't block the door. Someone busting out from the other side would have been enough to kill me if I kept leaning against it. I closed my eyes, concentrated on breathing slowly, and healing quickly. Footsteps pounding upward had my eyes snapping open and as the heavy, metal door swung open, I braced myself.

"Oh Shit…" Sam muttered, leaning down. When he reached his hand out, I sucked in a breath and whined because I was terrified he'd try to carry me. "What can I do, sweetheart?"

"What do you need, Sam?" Dean asked from somewhere behind him. "Should I get some ice?"

"No, get Chuck," Sam demanded, almost angrily.

Sam moved his hands over me, not really touching me but in a helpless way as if he wanted to but knew it would hurt. "What happened?" I moaned, not really feeling like talking at the moment. "Yeah, yeah...don't talk. It's okay." Finally, his hand found a place to settle - on my knee, offering me a comforting squeeze. "I've got you, okay? You're gonna be fine, Eva."

Chuck wandered outside, looking bored with a banana in his hand. "Well, I guess you found her, huh?"

Sam stood, his chest puffed out. "Heal her." When God shot him a sideways look, Sam added, "Please."

Watching my face carefully, Chuck crouched down followed by Sam who watched his every move. Injecting the last bite of his banana into his mouth, he put his hand on my ankle. Things shifted and righted themselves inside of me in seconds, making me suck in a giant breath of air in relief. "Thank you," I whispered.

God smiled gently, offering me a wink. "I suppose she is my sister."

"Uh, yeah, thanks, Chuck," Sam offered, clearing his throat as Chuck rose off the ground. "I'm just gonna, uh, make sure she's okay, and then we'll be in."

"Just because we're going in and you guys are staying out here doesn't mean we don't get to hear what happened!" Dean yelled petulantly from halfway down the stairs inside the bunker.

Sam shut the door firmly and plopped down beside me. "You okay?"

I nodded, "Yeah, I think I am. Now. If it weren't for Chuck, it would have been a bumpy road."

Feeling his gaze on me, I bunkered down and met his eyes. I was met with that pesky disappointment that I so hated to face. "I know...I know...but it wasn't on purpose. I was supposed to just pop in, get her location, and pop out but she sensed me. I froze. I was stupid and I-"

Sam grabbed my hand, cutting me off. "I'm not mad, Eva. You just scared me, okay?"

I swallowed and my eyes went to his lips on their own accord. He was just so close and right there; I could smell the soap from his morning shower. I could see the bits of stubble on his chin that were a tad bit longer than the stubble on his cheeks. The softness of his hair. The sincerity in his eyes. I was hopeless. And I was meant to just moon over this man for the rest of my life no matter how impossible our relationship would be. He was my heroin and I don't mean that as in "female hero" - he was my shameful addiction but I wasn't ready for a twelve-step program. At one point, I think I'd gotten to step five but I'd fallen off that wagon the moment he stepped on my porch in Missouri to thank me for saving his life. I don't think I'd ever be ready to start the process again.

"My dad…" I started.

His face changed, eyes narrowed, and frown forming. "Your dad? What about your dad?"

I should feel bad - telling him this, breaking this promise. Especially since my father had just handed us Lucifer's location. But I felt compelled to do so. "My dad was being held prisoner by a Knight of Hell - Asmodeus. He was there for years, his grace being slowly taken away from him. When Dora said I was ready, she helped me find him. That's where I was when Dean was turning into a demon - rescuing my father."

Sam closed his eyes. "That's why you couldn't come when I called you."

"He was terrified, even of me. I had to coax him out of there after I beat Asmodeus." I looked away, the memory of seeing my cock-sure, rebellious father as a lump of whimpering fear was something I'd never forget. "He's been staying with me since. That's how I found Amara today."

Shaking his head, he grabbed my hand and held it over his heart. It didn't seem like a conscious gesture but he did it all the same. "I'm so sorry, Eva. I can't say that enough."

"It's done, Sam. It's over."

"No, it's not. I was selfish and I couldn't think past my own feelings to consider what you were going through." I felt like he needed to say this more than I needed to hear it so I let him continue, "I will never forgive myself. All this time...we could have...I could have…" He shook his head, angry at himself. "Remember back when Dean was in purgatory and we had just kind of started this thing? There was a day when you didn't have to go to your book store and we just loafed around all day, watching tv and eating so much junk food that it made us sick…" I smiled at the memory. There were a few days like that back then. "There was a moment then...I never told you this but I remember thinking for the first time since Dean was lost, that I would be okay. If he was lost forever and we couldn't find him, couldn't bring him home, I would be able to just...live." When his eyes met mine, I was taken aback by the emotion I saw there. "Because of you. And I screwed that up."

"Oh, Sam, I haven't-"

We were interrupted by pounding on the door coming from inside which was unfortunate because I was ready to just lay my heart on the line. I know I'd said that Sam and I could never work but I was willing to give it another shot. The past few days had made me realize that the heartbreak was worth the chance at love the first time and would probably be worth it again. But I didn't get the chance to say it because Dean's muffled voice was traveling roughly through the metal. "Come on! Let's do this, you two!"

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "As always, Dean has the grace and timing of a Gazelle."

Sam laughed, blinking away the emotion in his eyes as he stood up. "Here, let me help you."

I took his hand and he pulled me to my feet effortlessly. "Can we keep my dad a secret for right now? He's going to be mad enough that I told you. Probably not surprised but mad."

"Yeah, yeah, of course." Sam yanked the door open and motioned for me to go ahead of him.

"Thanks," I replied, hoping that he would be able to keep something this big from his brother.

After getting situated around the map table, as I liked to call it, I told them all how I had a source who had helped me locate Amara. Then about what happened when she felt my power close by even though I'd tried to mask it the best I could. How the strength of her magic was rivaled only by God's on the spectrum of power. I hadn't meant to bring everyone down but by the end of my short tale, even Marv looked like I'd just kicked his puppy.

"But you know where she is?" Dean asked, the only one looking excited out of the bunch. "You can tell us where to find her?"

"Yeah, I can but she'll kill all of you. If I come, she'll sense my magic; if Dean goes, she'll sense his presence. And Chuck...he refuses to even take part in rescuing Lucifer." My shoulders slumped as my eyes went from Sam to Marv. "It's impossible."

Dean tore a piece of paper out of a notebook and slapped it down on the table in front of me, followed quickly by a pencil. "You write down the location or as close as you can get and we'll handle the rest."

I glanced at Sam who looked just as lost as I did. "Okay."

Thinking of the old, abandoned farm, I couldn't pinpoint an exact address but I could get close enough. So, I wrote the part of Kansas it was in and as many details as I could think of on the paper while Sam and Dean walked to the kitchen to probably hash out the details.

"I'm surprised he helped you," God remarked after leaning toward me, as I jotted notes down. "I figured he'd turn you down."

"Who?" The scribe piped in. "Who are you talking about?"

"Nobody," I answered, giving Chuck a look. "Just a friend."

Marv frowned like the last kid picked for dodgeball. "I never get to know the good stuff."

"Were you not the one angel who knew it all first at one point?" I spat and his frown grew more dramatic but chose not to reply. "That's what I thought. So quit pouting."

"Okay…" Dean clapped his hands and I jumped. Sam avoided my eyes which meant I was probably not going to like whatever terrible, dangerous plan they concocted over their cheese sandwiches and beers. "Eva is right. She'll see us both coming so Sam and Marv are going to rescue Lucifer while I distract her."

I stiffened. "How are you going to distract her enough that she won't realize that you're a decoy?"

Dean looked uncomfortable with my question. "Uh, she's in my head and she's been trying to get me alone." I shot him a look and he backpedaled. "Not for...she wants to talk. Probably about finding God, burning up the world, blah, blah, blah… But I can keep her talking long enough for those two to get in there and get Cass...Lucifer out."

"If she's going to be gone, can't I go too?"

Chuck replied for Dean, "She'll be able to tell you're there even though she'll be hundreds of miles away."

"So, I just sit here and do nothing?" Now it was my turn to pout and I caught a look of satisfaction on The Scribe's face.

Chuck's face lit up. "We can play poker again!"

"No thank you."

Watching everyone walk out of those doors to go their separate ways on two equally dangerous missions was difficult. Especially since their two biggest weapons were staying put in a cozy, underground fortress. I'd wanted to take Sam aside, wish him luck, and maybe sneak a hug in but Dean was pushy when he was anxious. So, I only got a wave in as they walked up the stairs toward the big, bad world above.

"Monopoly?" Chuck asked, smiling big. "I promise not to control the dice."

"I guess," I sighed, plopping down at the common room table in the library. "As long as I can have the little dog."

"Ooh...I get the boot, then."

It was going to be a very long day.

Thanks for toughing it out with me! Please review and let me know what you think! I appreciate it! If I don't update before then, Happy Holidays to everyone, and have a happy New Year! Hopefully, I'll update before 2022 but if not, be safe everyone!