In honor of my 63rd one-shot, here's a special gender bending Rule 63 chapter!
AKA I have writer's block.
Sheldon slung his gym bag over his shoulder as he stormed out of the locker room. His hockey teammates parted like the Red Sea to let him through, the way they always did when the team lost. Nobody was stupid enough to mess with Sheldon Marsh after a humiliating defeat.
For once I'm glad that Mom and Dad ditched my game, he mused to himself, making his way to the exit. He hoped that his mom wasn't too wine drunk when she arrived to pick him up. If she arrived at all.
Sheldon's ears pricked up as he heard the voices of two Middle Park players floating out of the visiting team's locker room.
"His name is Sheldon. Seriously. Sheldon. What kind of Melvin name is that?"
"And what's with the headgear? Dude should be on the chess team instead! What a fucking dork!"
Sheldon could only see red. Fists at the ready, he stomped into the locker room.
"What's this I hear about you getting kicked off the hockey team, Sheldon?" his father Shawn asked, as the Marsh family sat down to dinner.
"Those Middle Park turds started talking shit about my headgear," Sheldon replied. "Talk shit, get hit."
"This fighting has gone far enough, Sheldon," his father said sternly. "I've been talking to Geraldine Broflovski and she says that you're not too young to face legal repercussions. I don't want to have to bail you out of juvie, son."
Sheldon snorted. He wasn't scared of juvie. He could take on any of those pussies.
"You've been more aggressive than ever. Look, I know that you've been upset since Lori died, but-"
"DON'T TALK ABOUT HER!" Sheldon bellowed, pounding the table so hard that every dish rattled. He cringed as his voice cracked.
The family fell silent at that. Sheldon swore that he saw something odd flash through his mother's eyes. Almost like… guilt?
"You guys haven't said anything about my new t-shirt yet!" Randi whined after a few minutes, gesturing to her "It's Wine O'Clock" t-shirt.
Shawn pinched the bridge of his nose and turned to his daughter.
"How was your day, Stacey?"
"Fine. Can Kylie, Erica, and Kendra sleep over Friday night? The new Queef Sisters movie will be streaming."
Sheldon sent his sister a death glare. What was so funny about chicks blowing air out their vaginas? Babies came from there!
"As long as it's okay with their parents, I don't see why not."
Sheldon growled. The last thing he wanted was to spend yet another Friday night listening to the incessant screeching and giggling of his turd sister, the green hat turd, the fat turd, and Kelsey's turd sister.
"Ooh, let's make a night out of it!" Randi squealed. "We can do mani-pedis, talk about boys, play Truth or Dare!"
"Um, that's okay, Mom," Stacey replied quickly. "I'm sure that you're going to be busy and-"
"But I'm not like Geraldine and Stella! I'm a cool mom! C'mon, Stace! I can make us appletinis!"
Sheldon gnashed his teeth. His mother never begged to spend time with him. Not like he wanted to do any of that girly shit, but it was the principle.
"Um, Sheldon? Mom and Dad said that we could watch the Queef Sisters in here," Stacey stammered to her brother.
"Shut up, turd! I'm watching the game!" Sheldon barked.
"B-but the TV in here is the biggest and there's more room for our sleeping bags and -"
"No, turd! You can watch your stupid movie anytime! Now get the hell out of here before I turn you into a human pretzel!"
Erica climbed onto the couch and inched close to Sheldon. "Pweeze, Sheldon?" she pouted, batting her big cow eyes. "I know that a tough and handsome beefcake like yourself is man enough to let his little sister and her friends watch one little movie."
Sheldon looked at the fat girl disgustedly. How did an absolute chad like Leon Cartman and Jackie Tenorman, one of the hottest cheerleaders the Broncos had ever seen, manage to create… THAT?
"NO!" Sheldon cranked the volume.
Stacey's lip quivered and her eyes welled up. "It's okay, guys. Let's just go to my room."
Sheldon glowered at his little sister. There was no way that he was going to fall for her crocodile tears this time. Not when the Avalanche were winning.
Stacey started to sniffle. Then sob.
Goddammit, Sheldon swore to himself. "Just watch your stupid movie, turd! I got shit to do anyways!" He hurled the remote in the girls' direction and stormed off.