The guitar felt heavy in Sayo's hands. As she practiced it only reminded her of the weight of the question she needed to answer.
Earlier in the week Hina had asked what was bothering her, stating that Sayo was way moodier than usual. Sayo told her about the rough patch the band was going through, the goal they needed to set, and her concerns about the band's future. Surprisingly, and for probably the first time ever, Hina listened without interrupting.
Their relationship had improved greatly over the last few years, largely thanks to Sayo joining Roselia. She'd learned what it meant to be part of a band, to value the guitar beyond what it can provide her. The current situation was frustrating, though telling Hina about it did temporarily ease some of Sayo's anxiety.
When Sayo finished, Hina asked Sayo what she wanted to achieve. Sayo had asked that same question at the meeting, to her bandmates. She finished both conversations without an answer. After that she went to her guitar.
All week she had kept practicing, to improve and bring the band out of its slump. Now there were only a couple days left until the next band rehearsal. A voice in the back of her mind whispered that this wasn't going to work, that she needed to focus on picking a new band goal instead, that the band was falling apart.
Sayo knew all that. Still, she practiced. She'd been playing for the last few hours.
She worked on as many songs as she could, to make sure that the guitar part was perfect. The band had worked so hard to get to this level; she would fight to keep them there.
As Sayo played one of the more complex guitar solos, at tempo of course, her right hand slipped against the strings. An unintentional chord rang out, a strange mix of notes in the solo. Sayo could recover and only be off by one beat, but the solo was ruined.
Sayo's right hand fell from the guitar as she stopped playing, coming to a rest by her side on the bed. She gritted her teeth as her left hand tightened around the neck of the guitar, the strings digging into the soft parts of her fingers.
This wasn't going to help. Even if she played every note of this solo perfectly, if it was the finest guitar solo ever created, that wouldn't change anything. Nothing would be fixed.
Her whole body felt tense, a coil that had been winding for the last two weeks. She inhaled slowly, holding it for a moment before exhaling. It helped, if only slightly.
Sayo slowly forced her fingers to relax, looking down at the neck as she cradled it. She used her other hand to lift the guitar strap over her head, so she could set the guitar down on her bed.
It would still be there later; for now she had something else to do.
At Sayo's desk, where it was already gathering dust, was a blank piece of lined paper and a pen. She had put them out the night of the meeting, to start brainstorming new band goals. The paper was still blank.
Sayo took a seat at her desk, taking that pen in her right hand. At the top she wrote 'Goals' in large letters. That was the easy part.
She held the pen over the first line, as she tried to think of something to write there. What should the band do, what were they trying to achieve?
The pen touched the paper lightly as Sayo forced herself to write down the first ideas she could think of.
Perhaps the band could try to perform for a crowd with over ten thousand people. Maybe they could set a goal to write and perform four new songs next semester. What if the band went on tour around Japan over the summer?
Sayo numbered these ideas as she wrote them down, then paused to re-read them. Her stomach churned; this didn't feel right either.
There was nothing wrong with these ideas, but this wasn't how Sayo supported the band. She strived to achieve, not to write goals.
Sayo had always worked to raise the band up, by supporting her bandmates and bringing their musical performances forward. She organized events, monitored performances, and supported the band in every way she could.
Sayo drew a solid line below the third idea, starting a new numbered list below it.
She should start recording songs during rehearsal again, so she could listen to them to give specific feedback. She also needed to talk with Yukina and Lisa. Though neither would admit it, their relationship issues were at least a small part of the problem. Sayo was under no illusions about solving their issues, but she could at least help keep them out of rehearsals.
Third on the list was the new goal. Whatever they decided it was, Sayo needed to throw herself behind it. She'd been distracted this year, mostly with composing music. She would do everything in her power to make sure that Roselia's new goal was a success.
Whatever the band needed, she would do her best to provide.
With three items above and below the line, Sayo set her pen down. She still grimaced as she looked down at the list.
It was different though; she had decided what to do. Sayo refused to give up.
Tomorrow, Yukina would go to Roselia's band rehearsal. Tonight, she lied on her bed; with the light off she could think in the dark. Lisa's window was dim tonight. The rehearsal tomorrow would be the first since their meeting, where they decided to set a new goal.
Yukina was completely in favor of that idea. With Future World FES as their goal the band had been focused, driven, and highly skilled. They still were those things, of course, but far less unified.
Yukina had led them to success in that goal, to their peak performance as a band. She worked for most of her life to achieve it.
Since then the band had stagnated, with the member's music drifting apart. They were all busier than ever, all learning different things. Even Yukina had missed rehearsals, to meet the many demands of university. If she hadn't, perhaps she would've noticed the discord sooner.
Maybe if things were easier with Lisa, if Yukina wasn't so hesitant while speaking with her, she would've noticed.
Regardless, the band was struggling.
Their performance at the summer festival, while not horrendous, had been embarrassing for all of them. It was a dark mark on Roselia's name. Yukina wouldn't let it happen again.
She'd spent all week thinking about new goals for the band. There were so many different possibilities, all sorts of different goals they could attempt. Yukina had a whole list in her mind, with one in particular that was her favorite. She knew what she was going to suggest at rehearsal.
What she didn't know was how her bandmates would feel about it. At the meeting last weekend they all agreed to choose a goal together.
Yukina wondered what kind of goal they wanted to set. She knew they were all making progress in their lives outside the band. Rinko was expanding in classical piano performance, Ako was growing in her second year of high school, Sayo was learning to compose for the guitar, and Lisa was branching away from music completely.
Did they still want to aim as high as before, to seek the top of the music industry? Did ambition still drive them, pushing them to be the best? Yukina didn't know.
With each member walking their own path, it was possible that they would want to set a smaller goal. What if they wanted to change the direction of the band, to match their new more scattered sound?
Would Yukina be able to go along with that? Could she imagine a Roselia that didn't aim for the top?
She had never felt insecure with the band before. When they were chasing her dreams, there was never any doubt. Even after they had conflict, the band came together stronger than ever. After all that time, this was a new feeling. It was an unwelcome one.
Yukina sat up on her bed, tipping her legs out onto the ground and peeking through her curtain towards Lisa's window. The light was still off, which it had been for over an hour now. Lisa likely went to sleep so she'd be well rested for the rehearsal tomorrow. Yukina needed to sleep soon too, if she could calm her mind.
Yukina brought her hands together in her lap, knitting her fingers together. It was pointless to fret like this, but it was hard to stop herself.
If Lisa wasn't already asleep, Yukina might've texted her to ask how she felt. She thought that, despite knowing that she probably wouldn't actually follow through.
She reviewed the list of goals in her head again, again telling herself that one of them would work for sure.
If they didn't, then the band would set a different goal. Even with a softer goal, they were still Roselia. No matter what they decided to pursue, this was Yukina's band. She had formed it around her goals, and it would remain no matter what.
Yukina lied back down, holding her conviction in her heart. Tomorrow, they would make a decision.
When Yukina arrived at band practice, Sayo and Lisa were already there. They had their instruments out and were playing together, riffing back and forth in a casual way. Despite the relatively relaxed activity, both looked tense. Lisa carried a strained smile, while Sayo frowned even as she improvised.
Yukina nodded at them in greeting, schooling her expression to one of careful calm. She was about twenty minutes early to practice, to get some extra time in before they started. Yukina put her bag down, before getting a mic stand to start warming up. They would wait to talk until everyone was there.
After only five minutes, Ako arrived. She had barely sat at her drums when Rinko walked in, the last member of the band to get there. Rehearsal still wasn't supposed to start for over ten minutes.
Rinko still set up her piano, like everything was normal. As she started to warm up, Ako did the same. Lisa and Sayo split off to retune their strings.
After ten minutes, right when rehearsal was supposed to start, they all stopped. Yukina turned to look around at her bandmates, her eyes moving to each of them. No one spoke.
"Let's continue our discussion from last week." Yukina took charge, as was her role. "What goal should the band set?" She asked, wanting to ask their thoughts before offering her own. This would help her get a feel for what they wanted.
Ako shifted in her seat, lifting one of her drumsticks over top of the drum kit. "We should play something first." She was almost frowning, far more serious than usual. Since she'd grown taller, it was easier to see her over the drums than before. "I promised to bring this song back if the band lost its way." That sounded familiar to Yukina.
Rinko's eyes widened with recognition. "Y-you mean…" Her voice faded away.
"Yes." Ako nodded. "We should play Louder." It wasn't a question, but instead a firm request.
Hearing the name sent a trill down Yukina's spine, running through her whole body. Louder, the song her father wrote, the song that Roselia held dear from their establishment through Future World FES. It was the song of their previous goals, of the dream Yukina led them towards. They retired it that day, to only bring back if they needed it.
Ako was right to suggest playing it. It could be what Yukina needed to finalize her decision.
Around the studio, each member seemed to be processing what they just heard. Sayo had looked back down at her guitar, left hand having shifted into position on a chord. Lisa blinked a few times, eyelashes flurrying from the motion. She turned to Yukina for a response. Rinko was the only one smiling, the corner of her lip barely curving up.
"We should." Yukina replied simply, turning back to her mic stand. She didn't ask if anyone needed a refresher on the song; she was certain that they didn't. "Get ready." She didn't look back.
Behind her, Ako counted them off, and Louder began. The guitar and drums washed over Yukina, the familiar tune blasting out into the studio. The other instruments soon joined in, along with the vocals.
The first chorus quickly hit, with the others singing their parts in the background.
That's right, this was their song. It carried Roselia's legacy, all of their failures and successes. While performing it, Yukina could see the top once again. Even though they weren't playing perfectly, she could feel the strength of Roselia behind her.
All of her doubts, which were quieted last night, dissolved completely.
The song continued on, passing through the verse and next chorus. When the pause came, when the whole band stopped for a few beats, Yukina could've heard a pin drop.
In that silence, she knew the band was going to succeed.
She sang the next line with all her soul.
The instruments kicked in with the same level of passion. There were still differences in their playing and points where the song tugged in different directions, but the mood today felt different. This rendition of Louder, played just for an empty studio and themselves, felt more like a performance than when they last played on the stage.
As the song wound down, the last notes fading away, Yukina turned back towards her bandmates. Like herself, each was out of breath. They looked around at each other, no longer carrying the tension they brought with them.
When Lisa's eyes met Yukina's, she smiled. It was an expression of unfiltered joy, one Yukina hadn't seen from her in months. Yukina's heart, already pounding from the song, trilled in her chest. She looked away, to her other band members.
Sayo was frowning, but not nearly as deeply as she had been. Her eyes glimmered with something new, a strength that only Louder could bring. Rinko was smiling softly, hands still on the keyboard. Ako was flushed from exertion, a satisfied grin on her face.
The song had done exactly what it was supposed to do. Yukina could feel the connection crackling in the air between them.
"Are we ready to set a goal now?" Yukina asked, drawing the band's attention to her.
Sayo nodded. "We are, yes." She still had her hands on her guitar.
"What did you have in mind, Yukina?" Instead of giving the answer Yukina requested earlier, Lisa turned the question back around on her.
Yukina remembered her list and the idea she chose from it. "Roselia should be seen around Japan. That is the goal I want to set."
"Like a tour?" Ako asked, tilting her head slightly.
"No," Yukina shook her head. "Broadcast, on a national stage."
"Oh, like on television." Lisa seemed to understand. Yukina nodded back at her.
Sayo had one eyebrow raised. "How could we achieve that?" Her tone was flat, carrying doubt.
"T-there are many… televised concerts… and shows featuring bands…" Rinko replied, her statement providing support to the idea.
"Hmm." Lisa brought one hand up to her chin. "I think it could work."
"It would be super cool!" Ako jumped up from the drum set, clearly excited to get started.
Sayo still wasn't completely sold. "I'll need to do some research." Her expression softened slightly as she looked between the other band members. "It certainly is a challenging goal."
"I like it." Rinko said with a nod. "It will help us… grow in performance… and gain more fans."
"Exactly." Yukina allowed herself to smile, relieved at how well the idea was going over. "We will focus on reunifying our sound in the process." That was something they desperately needed to do.
Lisa perked up at that, lifting one hand slightly. "Oh, right I had an idea about that. Yukina, can we talk after practice?"
Yukina's heart, the bloody traitor that it was, lurched at the request. It wasn't like that, she mentally scolded it. Lisa only wanted to talk about the band.
"Of course."
The band moved on to their regular rehearsal, putting Louder back in its locked box. Yukina was sure that someday, if they needed it again, they would take it back out to play it.
Now, they needed to start figuring out their new sound and how to adapt to it. They needed to relearn how to play together.
Whatever Lisa's idea was, Yukina was sure it would help.