Chapter Fifteen - Sam and Dean don't need me. They never needed me.

.

Suddenly, Andrea finds herself inside her house in Salem. Confused, she looks around, trying to understand what's happening, and that's when Zachariah appears by her side.

"This is quite a nice house," He comments, passing a hand on the entailed colonial bannister "I believe some humans dedicate themselves to doing beautiful and somewhat long-lasting things to try and fight against their own fleeting lives and their mortality,"

Ignoring his philosophical rant, Andrea crosses her arms. "What are you doing? Why did you bring me here?"

"Oh, don't worry. We're not actually here. We're inside your head, and we're going to take a stroll down memory lane. Shall we?" With that, he starts walking and Andrea follows the angel. "Plenty could be said about your childhood and upbringing, all the hardcore education, the many punishments that were borderline abusive, the lack of love, but we're short on time, so I decided we should only look into what I like to call your key moments. Let's see the first one," Zachariah pushes open the kitchen's backdoor and as they step outside and Andrea sees a pathway of torches in the backyard, she instantly knows to which night he brought her.

Following the pathway, they end up at the cemetery in the back of the property. It's like watching a movie. There, inside a circle of torches and candles, her family stands proudly in ceremonial white clothes. A salt circle is on the ground, and in the middle of it, is an unconscious human girl, a symbol on her head. "Your eighteenth birthday," the angel says, pointing at the scene in front of them. "A normal family would've thrown you a party, maybe gotten you a car, or celebrated you getting into college, but your family was never normal. They wanted you to take part in a ritual that would bind you forever to the magic that runs in your blood,"

As if on queue, her aunt Joan appears, all but dragging her eighteen-year-old self along, as she tries to struggle against the hold on her arm.

"All you had to do," Zachariah continues as they watch the mute scene unfold. "Was bleed that girl as a sacrifice for your ancestors, and connect your magic to theirs, and become a part of the family. But you didn't do it. Why?"

"Because I never wanted to be part of the family," she replies, angrily, watching her family turn against her.

"Yes, but that wasn't the only reason why you didn't do it," the angel says, studying her.

"What do you want me to say?" Andy questions, the pain in the back of her head annoying her.

"Think, Andrea," He orders slowly, and she looks at the scene, trying to understand what he means. "That girl," Zachariah says, pointing at the human in the middle of the circle when she doesn't say anything. "She used to be your friend, but then she turned on you, and made your life miserable. Yet, when you had a chance to make her pay you didn't. Why?"

Taking a step forward, Andrea observes the blonde girl passed out on the ground. They used to be best friends in her early teens, and it had been around that time that Andy found out she liked girls in the same way she liked boys. It had been easy to fall for her best friend and to mistake cues and feelings in the mess that was teenagerhood. After Andy told the girl how she felt, everything went to shit, and if she had already been the weird girl from the creepy house with the awkward and satanist family, she was also now a freak herself, an aberration. High school had been hell, and most of it had been that girl's fault. But still, when she'd seen her in the middle of the ritual, she couldn't bring herself to hurt her. Turning around to face Zachariah, Andy crosses her arms. "Should I say it out loud or can we stick to you reading my mind?"

The angel smiles. "You can say it out loud,"

Rolling her eyes, she indulges the angel. "Izzy Johnson was a mean bitch to me, but she didn't deserve to be sacrificed like an animal in a ritual. Alright, maybe she did deserve it after everything, but the point is, I couldn't hurt her," She responds, looking back at the scene, where her family was now mutely arguing with her. The whole thing would end with her running away, and going to Ellis so they could finally escape all this, together.

Surprisingly, Zachariah smiles again, seeming satisfied. That's when the pain hits her again, her head feeling as if it was going to explode.

Opening her eyes, she's no longer in Salem and recognizing where they are, a wave of sadness hits her. "Why are we here?" She whispers, feeling Zachariah behind her.

"Open the door, Andrea," He says, and taking a deep breath, she does as she's told. They enter the living room of the apartment she'd rented with Ellis all those years ago, and the scene in front of her brings tears to her eyes. Ellis is lying on the couch, pale, sick, traces of blood still on his upper lip. She's standing by his side, holding his hand, and in front of them is her cousin, Finn. "Let's hear it, shall we?"

"So, this is why you turned your back on our family?" Finn demands with a hard and angry voice. "You betrayed us, for what? A shoebox apartment, a mediocre life? Is it worth it?"

"Please, Finn. Please," Her twenty-year-old self begs. "Just please, help me. Help me save him,"

Her cousin stares at her with disdain and shakes his head. "If only you hadn't walked away, maybe you could have saved him yourself,"

Suddenly, the pain returns, and at the same time the scene changes, and she's back in Salem, standing in front of her grandmother. "Please, grandma! Ellis doesn't deserve to die like this! There must be something we can do!"

With hawk eyes, Agnes studies her granddaughter coldly. "Your cousin was right. It's sad and even somewhat pathetic to see you, someone who had such potential, begging like this. We can't do anything, because there's no we. You're no longer one of us,"

"I can come back! I'll do the ritual and I'll join our family. I'll do anything!" She tells her with tears in her eyes. "Please, don't let Ellis die. Please, grandma."

"It doesn't work like that. You can't just be one of us when it suits you. You either are one of us, or you aren't," Agnes says in a harsh and definitive voice. "Besides, there's nothing to be done. Finn told me the hex already took root in Ellis' soul. You just have to wait it out. Say your goodbyes, Andrea. He'll be dead by the next full moon,"

The pain explodes again, and she's back at their apartment. It's night, and as she notices the light of the full moon entering the window, she looks away. "Zachariah! Don't make watch this!" She screams, and fighting against the pain, she's suddenly back in her body, at the warehouse.

The pain in her head seems to increase, and she takes notice of something warm in her nose. Zachariah is in front of her, and if she didn't know any better, she would say he looks tired. "You're strong," He comments, pointing a finger at her. "But we're not finished,"

"Don't send me back there. I can't watch Ellis die all over again! It was painful enough the first time!" She argues, struggling to hold back the tears forming in her eyes.

"Fine. But before you have it your way, tell me. What changed? You ran away and all but forgot your family, spending almost two years living a human life. You didn't even attend the funeral of your uncle and aunt. And suddenly, you were willing to do the ritual, and all it entailed, the sacrifice, the blood… What made you change your mind?"

"Are you dumb?" She shouts, angered at this whole thing. "Ellis was dying! The guy I loved was dying!" Remembering Anna's words from months ago, she stares at the angel. "I know you assholes have no idea what it's like to care, to love someone, but know this, I would have done anything to save him! Anything!"

"Good," He says, smiling. "But do mind your tone, next time," He puts his hand on her forehead again, and this time she screams at the pain.

The next memories flash in front of her eyes as if the angel was zapping through tv channels until it stops, and they're in an empty room. "The couple of years after your loss are unimportant and boring. Initially, you used your magic to cope with your grief, but then you turned away from it, going through extremes to suppress your magic until you ended up here," He walks a few steps and stops in front of the bathroom door, where a past version of Andrea is sitting by the toilet, dirty and dehydrated, in the middle of an abstinence crisis. "This was your lowest point," The angel comments, watching her puke yet again.

Like with everything the angel has shown her so far, Andrea remembers all too well what this day had felt like and she hates Zachariah for making her go through all of this again.

"But," he continues after a moment. "It was also when you realized you couldn't live completely without your magic, so I think we should call this your turning point, don't you think?"

Crossing her arms, and looking away from the scene, Andrea glares at him. "This whole trip has been quite interesting, but why are we here? Why are you doing this?"

Smiling, Zachariah shakes his head. "I told you, I'm doing this because you need to understand. Come on, we have a few other memories to look at,"

This time, she braces herself for the pain. When Andrea opens her eyes, they are in front of a large two-story suburban house. "Not long after you started using magic again, demons started hunting you. You tried to hide but it was pointless," At that, she sees herself jumping from the second-floor window. "They always found you,"

Pain hits her again, and the memory changes to a hotel room. "You nearly gave up your life this day," the angel says casually pointing at her form, sitting on the bed with a bottle of pills in her hands. "But you had a change of heart and you decided to fight the demons hunting you. It's when you decided to go after the Winchesters, the hunters you heard about while running away through the country. Why?"

Sighing, Andrea replies in a bored, monotone voice. "I learned why the demons wanted me, to break seals and bring the apocalypse, and I couldn't let them use me to hurt people and to destroy the world,"

"Very good," the angel says as pain involves her one more time. Images flash through her eyes again, and this time, Zachariah is no longer with her and Andrea only hears his voice. "You always knew the price of your magic, but still, you never refrained from using it after you joined the Winchesters. In fact, you used it more than you ever did in your entire life,"

The first memory he shows her is from last Halloween when she'd used her powers to track the witch, and fight the monsters raised by Samhain, to save the innocent humans caught up in the middle of that angel-demon-witch bullshit. Next, she sees herself channelling powerful elemental magic to fight Alistair after he'd attacked Dean and Sam in that barn when they were helping Anna. And then, she's back in Salem, to the day where the demons had come for her. She sees the demons holding them, and herself bleeding in the ground as she does the ritual, connecting herself to her family's magic.

"Why did you do it?" Zachariah asks, appearing by her side. "After Ellis and after all your family put you through, you swore to yourself you'd never do it, but then you did it. Why?"

His interrogation is an echo of the question Dean had asked her, and she gives the angel the same answer she'd given the hunter. "I did what I had to do to survive. I wouldn't have made it out of there if I hadn't done the ritual,"

"You're lying," the angel says, shaking his head.

"No, I'm not," Instead of arguing with her, the angel extends his hand, and the pain returns as she sees Dean bleeding in her lap and then lying on that hospital bed, just a couple of days ago.

"You knew what healing him would do to you, but you didn't hesitate to cure him. Why?" Zachariah questions and Andrea rolls her eyes.

"Why do you care?!" She yells, looking at him, but he disappears and with another wave of pain, she's back to the warehouse.

Her head is hurting badly and she feels weak. The wet and sticky feeling is still on her lips and face and looking down, she sees blood on her tank top. "What did you do to me?" She asks, finding it weird how tired and hoarse her voice sounds.

"Relax. I didn't do anything. It wasn't easy getting inside that thick head of yours, so that," he says pointing at the blood. "Happened. Now, tell me. Do you understand why I showed you all this?"

Struggling to think, Andy shakes her head no. "No! All I know is that you're a sadistic asshole that likes to make people miserable!"

The angel sighs. "Alright. Let me show you one more thing," He touches her forehead again, and although the pain is the same, it doesn't surprise her. In the blink of an eye, they're standing in a motel room, where Andrea sees herself and Ruby. "Let's hear it," He says again and the voice becomes audible.

"As long as you keep acting like some fearful, weak girl, who isn't sure of what to do, and needs to be rescued and protected all the time, that's how they'll see you and treat you," She hears Ruby say.

"Let's fast forward just a bit," Zachariah says and with a wave of his hand, it's really like he pressed fast forward on her memories.

"I'm saying that you need to stop being afraid of the magic inside of you," Suddenly, she grabs Andy's left arm. "This right here, this mark, it's part of you. So, use it. Properly. You're wasting your magic with defence spells when you should be using it offensively. You need to stop fearing your power. Own it. Show to the Winchester, to demons, angels and whoever that comes after you that you are not an easy target. You are powerful, and they should fear you. Not the other way around. It's a kill or be killed world, Andrea. Which one do you choose?" Ruby declares vehemently.

The pain returns as the angel bring her back to reality, and Andrea feels dizzy.

"Focus, Andrea," Zachariah says, looking at her. "Are you listening?"

She struggles to concentrate on his words. "Yes, I'm listening," she replies after a few seconds.

"Good. So, that wasn't a bad motivational speech, especially coming from a hell hag," The angel continues in what's supposed to sound like a compliment. "And I know she made an impression with you, but she was wrong. Most people would be enchanted by the whole 'You're powerful, own your magic' talk, but that's not what makes you tick," He walks around her, observing her with analytic eyes. "Despite all of your pose, your sarcasm, that sailor mouth of yours, and the bad girl attitude, what really makes you tick is how much you care,"

Everything becomes clear as day then, and Andrea looks away from his inquisitive eyes. "You cared for that human girl in the ritual, you cared for your boyfriend, you even cared for your cousin and grandmother and you mourned their deaths. You cared for people you never met when you decided to fight the demons. And now, you care for the Winchesters. Even if you say he's an idiot, you care for Dean Winchester, don't you? I could even say that you started developing feelings for him. Am I right?"

"Dean is an idiot," She spits out.

Her reply brings another smile to his face. "Being someone who cares, I know you want to help them and I know you want to keep them safe. Right? So here are your lessons: One. Use your magic. Be the witch you were born to be. It's the only way for you to help and protect the Winchesters from everything there's to come. And two, I hope by now you understand that a normal, ordinary life is not for you, so forget it, okay?"

"No." She says almost immediately.

"Excuse me?" The angel questions, not believing his ears.

"You heard me. No." She stares at him, defiance in her face. "I'm not stupid, I can see that everyone's trying to get me to use my magic, and play this role I'm supposed to play in this shitty show of yours. You think Ruby and you are the first ones to come and try giving me a wake-up call? My dead grandmother beat you to it a couple of months ago,"

Interest appears on his face. "Did she?"

"Yeah, she did. She too came in with a bullshit pep talk but you know what? I didn't buy what she was selling, just as I don't buy your bullshit. And you know why? Because, one, I don't give a damn about your apocalyptic problems. Two, I have authority issues, as I'm sure you know, so I'm not following anyone else's rules but my own. And three, no matter what you people say about me being a great and powerful witch, about me caring for people, or about me having a role to play in this, nothing changes what I know," She pauses, swallowing the knot that started forming in her throat. "I should've ended this a long time ago,"

The angel crosses his arms and stares at her for a moment. "Oh, so you're just going to give up everything, and what? Kill yourself? Is that what you're going to do? What about the Winchesters? What about the devil? What about Lilith?"

"I just told you, I couldn't care less for your apocalyptic issues and stupid prophecies. The devil? Last I heard he was an angel, it seems to me it's an angelic problem, not a witch problem. As for Lilith? The things she's doing, seals, freeing the devil, and etc, aren't my problem either, but the bitch ruined my life. Let's say it's personal, so here's what I'll do. I'm gonna do whatever I have to do to kill her. Once she's dead…" Andrea trails off, shrugging. She doesn't need to complete her sentence for the angel to understand what she's saying.

"And the Winchesters?" Zachariah repeats. "There will always be monsters and evil in this world. They might need your help,"

Andrea shakes her head again. "Sam and Dean don't need me. They never needed me," For a second the realization upsets her more than she imagined it would, but she pushes it down, continuing. "They hunted monsters and evil before me, they'll keep doing it after I'm gone. Besides, no matter what I do or how I try to help them, at the end of the day, I'm still a witch. I'm still one of the bad guys. I was naive to think I could stick around and use my magic to help people. That moment when I chose to give life a go? The one you called a change of heart? I wouldn't call it that. I call it my biggest mistake,"

Andy pauses, breathing to hold back the tears forming in her eyes. "Look at me, Zachariah. I'm not cut out to be the big bad and powerful witch I was meant to be, I'm not evil enough, brave enough or even smart enough for that role. But still, I am too much of all that to ever be normal. As you said, ordinary life is not for me. So, where does that leave me?"

The angel taps a finger against his chin. It seems like he's thinking, but in fact, he's looking into Andrea's whirlwind of a mind.

"Ah," He says after a long moment. "I see. I know what I need to do. Let's pull out the big guns," He approaches her again, and Andrea recoils under his touch. "I wish I could say this won't hurt, but that would be a lie," Zachariah says almost sweetly, running a finger over her forehead. "I'm going to make you understand, Andrea, how wrong you are. You're just who you are meant to be. As for the way people look at you? You're wrong about that too. Now, remember. You asked for this," With those words, the angel presses his palm to her forehead again.

All she'd known since Zachariah had brought her here was pain, but this time, much to her surprise, the pain is even worse than before, blinding and searing, as if her head was slowly being cracked open. A moment later, that feels like hours, blissful darkness involves her.

She wakes up to the smell of coffee, and a sore neck and back. Opening her eyes, she realizes she slept on the couch. Moving, she stretches, feeling relief when her bones crack loudly, easing some of the pressure.

"That's what you get for being so stubborn," a familiar voice says. Then, she hears footsteps, and when he appears by the large double doors, making a face, she rolls her eyes at him. "Don't roll your eyes at me. You should've called me to pick you up,"

"I know you're working your ass off at the office, doing late hours and shit, I wasn't going to bother you," she replies.

"You're my wife, Andy. Nothing you do bothers me," At that she laughs.

"Really, Dean? So it doesn't bother you that I'm about to drink all of this caffeine?" She teases, reaching for her usual large mug, that's filled to the brim with black coffee.

"Fine. There are things you do that bother me like you not caring for your health as much as you should, but picking you up at the airport wouldn't have bothered me," she nods, taking a sip of his delicious coffee. When she looks at him, he's watching her.

"What?"

"I love you," He replies, leaning in to press a kiss to her lips. "And I missed you," He says, pulling back. "How was Egypt?"

"Hot and dusty, but after over two long weeks of digging around all that sand, my team and I have successfully recovered some very interesting ceramic remains. We're working on dating and identification right now, but hopefully, they'll be what's left from some sacred artefacts, used thousands of years ago in a very important temple," When she finishes, he's staring at her with pride and something else in his gorgeous green eyes. Before she can say anything, Dean takes the mug from her and pulls her to his lap.

"Have I ever told you how hot you look when you turn all geeky and professional, Miss Indiana Jones?" She laughs at the old nickname, shaking her head.

"Every time, Mr Dean Smith. Every time," With that, she kisses him, but this time, she deepens the kiss, thoroughly caressing his lips and mouth with her tongue. Staying away from him was the only thing she disliked about her job, but as he'd said before and just like he is proving to her right now, as one of his skilled hands found their way inside her jeans and panties, sex after being apart was really, really good.

That night, she jumps awake, startled. Because Dean's arms were around her, he wakes up too, concern on his face.

"Andy? You okay?" She looks at him, putting a hand over her chest to try and calm herself down.

"Y-yeah. I think so. It was just a bad dream," Remembering some of the images she'd seen, Andy speaks again. "A really bad dream,"

"Want to talk about it?" Dean asks, running a comforting hand up and down her naked back. Andy shakes her head. "Okay," He replies. "Come back here, then, and let me do that scalp massage you love so much so you can go back to sleep, uh?" Nodding, she lays back, putting her head on his chest, and closing her eyes as he starts running a hand over her head.