Thank you for coming back!
Lots of after baby stuff is discussed in this chapter but my beta loved it and I hope you do too! And thank you sparklingdust4612 for your help!
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His lips—
Are on hers—
Kissing her back—
She pulls back with a gasp. "I need— I'm sorry—I've ruined everything—" she turns and walks as fast as she can after having major surgery five days ago.
"Rey—" he says, wanting to go after her. And for once, he does what he wants to do, not what is right or noble. He follows her into her bedroom. "I know, I know," he says as he holds up the hand that's not holding Jonathan. "You didn't ruin anything, if anything, it was my fault. I turned when I should have been still. But you take a shower. Take a long one until you run out of hot water. I'm going to heat up supper."
He turns but before he can leave the room, he hears, "Thank you."
He nods, even though she never sees it. "Come on, son," he murmurs to the newborn and returns to the kitchen. Jonathan's bouncy seat is still on the kitchen island, and Ben tries to set him back, but when the baby starts to squirm, "I'll hold you some more then," he murmurs.
With one hand, he takes out the Tupperware bowls and lines them up on the counter. "At least it's still hot," he says. He glances down at Jonathan and has to smile when he sees the baby fast asleep.
He knows he should put him in the bouncy, but the part of him that has missed Rey, so much that he's still paying rent on their old apartment, makes him continue to hold their son.
Then, in an effort to fill the quiet, he starts to talk. "I know you can't really understand me yet, but soon enough you will. I least want you to know my voice when you hear me." He pulls out the biggest bowl, and with one hand, wrestles the lid off.
"Roast beef. My mother's roast beef. Do you know how long it's been since I've had that? Did she make mashed potatoes too?" He pulls out the smaller bowl next and smiles. "Thank goodness for mashed potatoes."
"Did she make a cobbler?" Rey asks beside him. He jumps of course, so caught up in talking and drooling at the food, that he didn't hear her join him. "Sorry," she offers after seeing him flinch.
"No, it's fine. I'm sorry that I wasn't paying attention."
Her gaze shifts from his to the baby in his arms. He loves the look of love that comes over Rey's face. "How is he?"
"Asleep. I know I should put him down—"
"But he's so soft and squishy and smells so good—" she finishes for him.
"He does. how did you do that?"
"I'm not sure. I think it's so we'll love him more," Rey whispers as her eyes fill with tears.
"I already love him so much," he murmurs back, as the same new parents' tears fill his eyes.
"You do?"
"I do." Without realizing it, he'd wrapped his arm around her again in a side hug. He wants to move, but he's being selfish and loves how she feels next to him. But he also knows that she's probably hungry. "Are you ready to eat?"
She looks at the bowls scattered around on the island, and grins. "There were days where all I wanted was your mom's roast. And then there days it's all I could keep down. Thank you." He hands her one of the plates he'd found drying in the drainer. "Are you going to eat too?" She asks.
"Yeah, it's been a long day."
"What happened, or can you not talk about it?" He doesn't like how her tone changes.
"Did I keep a lot from you back in New York?"
She finishes filling her plate and waits until he fills his, before she answers, "Not really? I mean I know you couldn't tell me everything and that's ok. You have an information sensitive job, like I did. I couldn't tell you everything that happened in my classroom. Just like, even now you can't tell me. I wish you could because I want to help you and I don't know how."
"Just knowing that I had you to come home to—" he pauses and sits down beside her at the huge table. His heart melts as she takes his plate, her fork and cuts up the fork tender beef for him. "Thank you," he whispers, his heart humbled at what he gave up.
"Do you need more gravy? I can hold him so you can eat, or at least put him in the bouncy?"
He tries to look at his son, and smiles. "Yeah, I think so? But only because I don't want to drop mashed potatoes on his head."
She blinks, then smiles as she stands. But only so she can tug the bouncy over to them. "Ok, stand up, and I'll help you." Somehow, he leans the baby back and slowly, eases him into the leaned back seat. "Always buckle him in, I've heard funny and scary stories of them just sliding out."
They both watch their son with bated breath. But the little one doesn't move, grunt or wiggle. Ben goes ahead and reclaims his seat, while she says, "Huh. That turkey."
She sits back down, and he asks, "What happened."
"Today, everytime I set him down, he'd fuss then cry."
"He'll be ok. He's only a couple of days old. He might be missing you."
"True," she snorts as she gets a bite then she bumps her shoulder into his. "I'm glad you're here."
That reminds him. He swallows his bite and takes a deep breath. "I have to fly back to New York tomorrow." He looks up, but his heart falls when he sees that she's looking at Jonathan and not at him.
He watches her as she watches the sleeping baby. When she finally meets his eyes, it feels like his heart is galloping out of his chest as he waits for her. "I'm assuming that Snoke wants you there?" He nods and it feels like the almost healed parts of him are breaking again when all he wants to do is to hold her and never let her and the baby go. "Are you coming back?"
"Did I tell you that he's buying a ski lodge?"
"A ski lodge? You might have, but I'm blaming baby birthing hormones because honestly, the only thing I remember from giving birth is you walking in. And them having to do surgery. But why is he buying a lodge? Does he ski?"
"No he does not. He wants it to launder money through it."
"Well now it makes sense. Did he put you in charge?" He nods. "Where is this ski lodge?"
"Madison county."
"Oh wow, that's close. So, you will be back?"
"Yes, unless he puts someone else in charge. I doubt he will."
"Where were you today? Can you tell me?"
"I can. I had to go bail the guys out of jail. He wanted me to go back with them, but I made up an excuse. Besides Dad flew with me to Nashville—"
"Oh that's right, I knew he'd bought a plane. Was it nice?"
"It felt good to get back in the cockpit again." From where they sit at the table, it faces out towards the front yard, in fact Ben can see his truck. "When will your roommates be home?"
No telling. I know they're all at the brewery. Where are you staying tonight?"
His heart leaps in his chest. "I can go back to Mom and Dad's. My luggage is there."
"Oh ok. I was going to offer you a midnight and three a.m. feeding if you felt up to it." she smiles.
"Where would I sleep?" He whispers.
"In our old bed, with me, I guess. Or on the couch. But no worries, I still have I-just-had-a-baby massive period going on. I wasn't planning a grand seduction or anything like that."
He meets her hazel eyes. Those eyes that he loves so much. He wants to hope, he really does.
Does she still feel the same too?
"I can stay if you want me to—if you need me to help with the baby that is." He lowers his voice as he leans in, "and I'm being totally selfish when I admit that I'd love to hold you all night long. I've missed you so much."
"I still miss you," She mutters just as headlights shine through the kitchen windows. "Someone's home." She stands up and picks up their empty plates. "Do you want some more?"
"I'm good. Are they going to be alright with me—" he begins as the front door swings open.
"Shhhhh, he's asleep and if you wake him up I'm going to break your kneecaps," Rey threatens Poe and Finn. "Where's Rose and hux?"
"They went over to his house tonight," Finn whispers as he peeks at the sleeping Jonathan. "How did it go today?" Finn meets Ben's eyes, and even he can see the wariness in his eyes.
"Leia left about ten, Jonathan sensed my weakness and had me crazy until about six when Ben came over. He held the baby while I was able to stand in the shower and cry for at least twenty minutes.
"you were crying?" Ben utters, horrified. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"It's ok, it's left over hormones. I'll be alright one day. Maybe when I'm not having the period from hell. Anyways, did you two eat? Leia sent roast."
" 'm eating some now—" Poe says with a mouthful of food.
Rey chuckles at him. "Go ahead and get some Finn. She made plenty."
"Rey, are you sure you're alright?"
"Yeah, I think so. Hux explained it like some women would come down gently, like the ones who breastfed. Then others sometimes crash. I think I'm somewhere in between. And then you're here, which is actually amazing but then I wonder if we can get back to where we were before you decided to go save the world or if we're just wasting our time. And then what if Snoke discovers that you're there undercover? What if he kills you? Then I'll have to find someone to take care of the baby because I'd be going after Snoke to kill him—"
"Rey, you can't kill Snoke!" Poe adds from across the room.
"If he kills Ben, I get first dibs. Just make sure Jonathan is taken care of," she tries to finish, but when her voice cracks and her tears start, his does too.
"Finn? Watch the baby?" He mutters before he tugs her over to the couch in the living room. He was just going to sit down with her beside him, but she pushes him down first. Then the most amazing thing happens.
She crawls into his lap and bursts into tears.
Ben does the only thing he knows to do, he wraps her in a hug. Poe looks panicked, like he isn't sure if he should pull Rey from his lap or call someone. While Finn is standing there like this happens everyday.
He knows that there's nothing he can say right now. so he lets himself do what he's been wishing he could since June. He holds her. He tucks her under his chin and when he feels her tears on his chest, he starts to cry too.
Thankfully, Poe and Finn leave them alone until Jonathan starts to fuss. Rey doesn't say anything but tries to get up. He stops her with a hand on her thigh. "Finn? Can you bring the baby over?"
It takes a moment, but Ben moves Rey so she can still sit in his lap and feed the baby. "Are you alright?" He murmurs.
"Yeah, this is actually pretty amazing." Her exhale is deep and she lays her head back against Ben's chest while he watches Jonathan nurse.
He isn't sure what's going to happen next, but he's going to do everything in his power to make sure it happens quickly so can come back home to his family.
Brbrbrbrbrbr
One last look, one last kiss and he creeps out the door. He isn't at all surprised that at least one of Rey's roommates is waiting for him between him and his truck.
This time, it's Hux.
"When will you be back?" the OB asks.
"I thought– nevermind. Hopefully tomorrow, but it could be later. Will you watch over them? And not just as their doctor?"
"Rose needed clothes, so we came back. And that hasn't changed since I met them and I don't plan on stopping now." Hux mutters. "They are a part of our little family, too."
"Thanks man." Ben steps off the porch into the cold winter morning, leaving his heart behind him in the old farm house.
Brbrbrbrbrbr
"Where is Ren?" He hears even before he steps off the elevator. He can't wait for the day when he gets to watch Snoke being arrested. He wonders if he could stay late tonight and go through the files under Snoke's desk.
Is that where he's hiding everything?
"Oh thank God you're here. He's been screaming all morning," Bazine greets him. "I gotta take a break."
"What do I tell him?"
"I really don't care right now. I'll be back after lunch." She grabs her purse and rushes to the still open elevator. She doesn't even wave when she's answering her cell. "Meet me downstairs."
"Hell," he swears. Snoke must be in a mood. He stops at his office long enough to unlock it and takes his briefcase and coat off. It feels like forever since he's been in here, and his breath catches as he sees the hidden picture he still has of him and Rey. It's wedged in between two of his business law books.
His fingers itch to touch that little bit of her—then the pictures on his phone of Jonathan—his heart sings with longing to be back in North Carolina with them.
Even as he can still hear Snoke grumbling, he takes out his cell and sends a message.
b: I know I already said that I'm here, but I hate it. I miss you and I wish I was back there with you and the baby.
He tucks the burner phone back in his coat that he hangs on the back of his door. Taking a deep breath, he locks his office door behind him and walks the short distance to Snoke.
As soon as he steps into the room, Snoke begins, "Boy, you better have some amazing news about the ski lodge—"
"I do," he interrupts, not waiting for Snoke to finish. "We signed the papers, and closed. I have appointments starting on Friday with contractors."
I'm a father-
"But it's Wednesday. How are you going to make it back on Friday?" Snoke smarts.
"Leave tomorrow?" He says as he tries to keep hope out of his voice.
"I have meetings that you need to be a part of today and tomorrow. You'll have to catch the red eye back Friday morning. Then I need you back on Saturday."
"I have appointments then too. Can I ask why do you need me?"
"I need you to babysit the knights as they exterminate the pests that keep popping up. Well shit, I guess I'll have to find someone else. I wonder if Enric Pryde can go."
"He can't control the knights." Ben snorts.
"Perhaps I should send him to North Carolina then?"
"What about Cardo?"
"Send him to North Carolina?"
"No," Ben says. it's harder than he thought it would be to keep the frustration out of his voice. "Send me back to North Carolina. send Cardo to do damage control with the knights. I'll get the construction guys started and report back nightly. The ski season in North Carolina doesn't last as long as it does here. Are we just going to wait and aim for fall to open?"
"Yeah, talk to the employees who are still there. See what they think. But first, the Hutts are coming and Jabba is pissed."
Great, that's all he needs, a worm of an asshat trying to ruin his life.
Brbrbrbrbr
"Have you heard from Ben?" Rose asks at supper. She was the one who volunteered to come home early to hang out with her.
"He texted when he landed. He probably wont call—"
"Rey, he's still as much in love with you as he was before all this mess happened. It's just a matter of you deciding if you still want him."
"And I'm not sure I do." Rose grunts and Rey can't tell if she's agreeing or disagreeing with her. "I still want him to be a father to Jonathan, don't get me wrong, but not while he's dealing with Snoke."
"No, I don't blame you there. Just if you don't want him you need to tell him."
"But what if I still do?" Rey whispers.
"Then you need to figure out how to fix your relationship with him."
"I know, I'm trying." She looks down at Jonathan who has fallen asleep while nursing. "Then I look at him and I just want to protect him from all the bad in the world."
"I do too," Rose adds. "What do you think Snoke would do if he found out about Jonathan?"
"Ben hasn't told me too much, but I think our lives would be in danger. For some reason Snoke is crazy jealous over Ben is the best way I can describe it. You should have seen him at the Christmas party I went to with Ben." She can't stop the shiver that dances down her spine. "I've never had anyone look at me the way he did. It was pure evil. The scary thing? I don't think Ben even saw it."
"That is weird. But what made him realize that he needed to turn against Snoke?"
"I'm not sure. It might have been everything? He told me once that he suspected that he was trafficking kids. Many as young as babies." She pulls Jonathan closer as if the man was here. "Then he mentioned that he found the evidence. He knew about the money laundering and Snoke ordering hits on people. So it might have been everything just snowballing. Just sometimes I wonder—"
"You wonder what?"
"What would have happened if I'd told him about Jonathan before he left that day. Would he still had picked a fight? Or would we'd left town for somewhere far away?"
"No telling." Rose answers.
Brbrbrbrbrbr
"I'll do the dishes—" Rey begins, only to be interrupted by Jonathan's cry. "As soon as I feed him."
"I'll get the dishes, you go rest." Rose offers.
"Are you sure? I feel like all I've been doing is sitting around—"
"You just have major surgery, and a baby." His cry just gets louder. "Besides, isn't this why you're here with us? Can you imagine doing this alone?"
"Oh Lord no." Rey says before she rushes into her room. She has to chuckle because her newborn son is fighting against the blanket that she swaddled him in. And the more he can't move his arms, the more he scrunches his face and gets red. "Baby? What's the matter?"
He stills when he hears her voice and she falls in love with him a little bit more.
Then he mewls as if he's calling for her because if she remembers her child development classes from college, he can't quite see her yet.
"I'm here, sweetheart, Mama's little bit. I bet you need a diaper and some nums?"
He answers her with his little mewl like he's talking back to her. Unable to keep her hands off of him any longer, she scoops him up. She kisses his little chunky-monkey cheeks as she murmurs, "I love you so much." She leans back until she can look into his still baby blue eyes. "You've been so worth it."
She lays him down on the changing table, and unswaddles him. As soon as he can feel that his arms are no longer bound, he lifts them up above his head and does that sweet newborn curl. "I guess I don't have to swaddle you, I don't think I'd like my arms bound like that either. we can try it without it," she says as she quickly changes his diaper. "Is that better?"
He looks like he's watching for her the more she talks. So as she sits on the bed, and pulls his pillow close, she says, "Here you go, I know you're hungry. Are you already having a growth spurt?" Instead of cooing at his mother, Jonathan's answer is to latch. "Yep, you are a Solo male. Thinking with your stomach first."
Her phone chimes in the kitchen. "crap," she swears. That's probably Ben. Hopefully—
"Rey?" Rose whispers as she peeks into her room. "Ben texted."
"Thank you," she softly answers and holds out her hand.
Her old friend comes close and smiles down on the baby. "I want cuddles after he eats."
"Alright." Rey smiles and waits for Rose to go back before she swipes the screen.
Ben: Can we facetime?
Rey: Yes
She barely touches the send button when his song comes on and a swipe this way to accept his request. "Rey?" she hears.
"Hey, you," she says as she takes in his appearance on her little screen. He looks, well, bad. He now has bags under his eyes and worry lines crease his forehead. And she just saw him that morning "what happened?"
He runs his hand over his face. "I was in meetings all day with Snoke. What drives me crazy is, they are bullshit meetings. We met with some marketing company. The kicker, it's a fake company he formed to help the ski lodge launder money through." he tries to smile, but when he sees that she's feeding the baby—"There's the little man. Did he have a good day?"
"Yeah I think so? Your mom came over this morning, then Rose came home early." Before he can ask, she smiles. "And yes, I got a shower today. Jonathan even got a bath. He smells so good."
"Hopefully I'll get to smell him tomorrow." Jonathan finishes one side, and stops nursing. She quickly covers herself up, still holds the phone, and sits the baby up, so Ben can see him. "Wow Rey, you did that like you've been doing that for a long time."
She knows what he's talking about as her face heats up. She has to smile as his cheeks turn pink too. "That's good though, isn't it? Let's talk about something else. What time is your flight tomorrow?"
"Eleven I think." He looks off camera. "Here's the boarding pass. Boarding at ten-fifty, then take off at eleven thirty." His exhale is loud. "Sometimes I wish I'd become a pilot instead of a lawyer."
This is not the first time she's heard him say that. "Maybe after this you can go to flight school? Get your commercial like you've always wanted?"
"We'll see. I have a funny feeling that someone is going to ask me to join the FBI after this."
"So you'll just be a once a month parent then," her face heats up even more and before she can duck her head, she sees a kaleidoscope of emotion cross his face. "I'm sorry—I need to keep my mouth shut. You have your life to live, and so do we. Whatever you decide to do after this, go for it. Jonathan and I will be alright."
"Rey—I meant it the other night when I said that I was going to be there from now on for the both of you. and if I have to move to Asheville and work for the DA, then that's what I'll do." If she looks closely, she can see the tears forming in his eyes. "I don't want to lose you again, Rey. You mean the world to me, and that little man is just icing on the cake. You don't know how bad I wish I was there with you."
She looks down at the baby, and quickly gets him started nursing on the other side. "I do too," she's not sure why she admits that, but she does. "Are you in the apartment? Why don't you show me what you've done with the place?"