Rod Serling stood in front of the camera like he usually did. He was one of the most well-known TV show hosts ever and for a good reason. Every word he spoke dripped like honey glaze off of a nice juicy pork.
Currently, he was narrating for the 800th episode of the Twilight Zone and things seemed to be going smoothly.
"There exists a place unlike any other. Where time is non-linear and down is up. This place is known to many only as, the Twilight Zo-"
Before Rod could finish his iconic quote, he felt his balls start to ache.
The camera man asked "hey Rod, are you ok man?"
Rod just said "I gotta go to the doctor" and then he jumped into his car and drove straight to the hospital.
…
Rod stood on a white hospital bed while a doctor looked him over and said "it would appear that your testicular glands have inflated to an abnormal size"
Rod nodded at this statement before saying "then I'd like to have a vasectomy please"
The doctor said "oh alright then"
Rod was then put under anesthesia and the doctors began to work on removing his testicles.
2 Hours later...
Rod Serling woke up and the hospital was in complete ruin. It looked like a tornado had come through the building with just how much had been destroyed.
Rod spied one of the doctors cowering in a corner and asked "what happened here?"
Before the doctor could answer Rod's question, his head exploded into a pile of red liquid as a giant, brown, football sized testicle stood over his dead body.
Rod then spied another testicle next to the one in front of him and he didn't have a hard time putting two and two together.
"Y-you're my testicles" said Rod
The first testicle spoke up and said in a British accent "that's right. Your nutsack was nothing more than a prison to keep us from escaping and wreaking havoc upon the human world."
The second testicle continued in a German accent and said "yah, that's right. With our newfound freedom, we will rid this world of humanity and there's nothing you can do"
The second testicle's eyes then began to glow a red glow, before he shot a bright red beam of heat vision at the famous horror host, sending Rod through the walls of the hospital and causing him to fall 2 stories.
Rod then landed on a hard concrete bed, defeated and bitter.
"No, I won't let it end this way" said Rod
A fire had ignited inside of Rod's heart as he stood up and began training to fight.
The following months, Rod spent every waking moment in the mountains training in every single form of martial arts and other fighting techniques until finally, he was ready to go and teach those testicles a lesson about messing with humanity.
...
The two testicles were waging absolute Armageddon among the people of planet earth and it appeared that no one on earth could stop these two harbingers of death from bringing humanity's extinction.
Bullets flew and tanks fired at the testicles but unfortunately, they seemed to be having no effect whatsoever on the testicles.
"You utter fools could not hope to equal a fraction of the immense power that my brother and I possess" said the British Testicle
This testicle then pooled both of its hands together before firing a blue beam at their adversaries, causing a fiery explosion and wiping out their enemies almost instantly.
The German testicle said "very good brother, your skills are growing day by day"
"As are yours my brother. Soon this whole planet will know of our strength" said the British testicle
"I don't think so" said Rod
The two testicles stared at their former adversary, Rod Serling.
Unlike before, he was a lot more jacked and muscular. His black business suit had also seemed to grow along with him and it seemed to fit him just like a glove.
The two testicles also sensed a great amount of energy coming from the horror host.
"Seems like you've grown stronger." said the British testicle.
"Why don't you demonstrate some of your new power to us? It will be a fantastic diversion before we exterminate your entire race" said the German testicle.
Rod smirked and said "gladly"
Rod then reached into his business suit's front pocket and pulled out a machine gun. He pushed down on the trigger and bullets made from black holes began to fly out at the testicle brothers.
The testicles bobbed and weaved through each and every single bullet with expert reaction time.
Rod continued firing these black hole bullets until his gun began to make a clicking noise to signify that it was out of ammo.
Rod threw his gun away and lunged at the testicles head on. The German testicle reached into the abyss of despair and pulled out a pizza cutter while its brother pulled out a plastic fork.
These two testicles began to swing their crude weapons with the expert precision of a surgeon and the speed of an Olympic track runner.
Any normal person would have turned to sushi by this but not Rod. Rod managed to dodge their attacks before punching them both in the face with force not seen in this world since Mike Tyson in his prime.
As the testicles flew into the sky, Rod reached into his business suit's front pocket once again and pulled out an American Football.
Rod then aimed it carefully before tossing it up into the air and kicking it with the force of a thousand suns.
The American Football flew up into the air and hit the German testicle. The German testicle managed to catch this ball in his right hand, but the force behind it caused his arm to shrivel up and decay within a matter of seconds.
The German Testicle screamed before the two brothers began to fall at a rapid pace, until eventually, they hit the ground, producing a massive crater in the ground.
The German testicle was furious at the loss of his right arm as he hopped out of the crater and fired an energy bagel at the horror show host.
Rod just chuckled at this attack, before he karate chopped the energy pastry in half and created a fiery explosion which was seen from outer space.
The German testicle then yelled out in anger before lunging at Rod in an attempt to punch the horror host.
Rod laughed even harder at this futile attempt on his life before he pulled out a plastic spork and a pineapple. He then stuck the pineapple onto this spork and this combination granted it the power to cut through time and space.
Rod then hopped into the air and whacked the German testicle on the head with this deadly contraption and obliterated the German testicle.
The German testicle screamed as his soul exploded and his body turned to ashes.
The British testicle watched in horror as his brother disintegrated before his horror turned to sheer rage and he said to Rod "I will make you pay with your life you insolent buffoon."
Rod absent mindedly picked his nose and said "if you would like to make a call, please hang up and try again."
That remark made the British testicle's rage multiply by ten times as he immediately pulled out a minigun and began firing bullets made out of supernovas at Rod in an attempt to shred the horror host to pieces.
Rod just plucked the bullets out of the air with speeds so quick that he was basically invisible and anyone who'd witnessed this would think that Rod Serling can just make bullets disappear with his mind.
Rod then tossed all of the bullets into his mouth and began to chew them like wads of bubble gum. He kept on chewing them up until he had gotten tired of this cycle and spit all of them back at the British testicle.
The British testicle then pulled out a tennis racket and hit the bullets back at Rod.
Rod then pulled out a tennis racket of his own and beat the bullets back at his former testicle.
The both of them kept this tennis match up for about ten minutes before the British testicle said "I grow tired of this tom foolery" and snapped his fingers to make the bullets stop existing.
The two warriors tossed their tennis rackets away and looked into each other's eyes with nothing but pure burning hatred.
The British testicle pulled out a katana blade while Rod pulled out an NES controller.
Rod swung his NES controller around by its wire as if it were a set of nunchuks while the British testicle took on a pose which looked like something straight out of a samurai movie.
It was all or nothing now.
The two cosmic fighters swung their weapons at each other and sheathed their weapons as fast as they drew them.
Rod coughed up blood and fell to his knees at the damage he'd taken. Fortunately, he didn't have it nearly as bad as the British testicle whose whole body began to spout blood in every single direction.
The British testicle screamed as his body soon burst into bright orange flames and he soon exploded with an incredibly loud kaboom!
After a few minutes, Rod began to stand back up. He then smiled, knowing that the world was safe from the wrath of the two testicle brothers.
Rod then began to casually away while whistling the G.I Joe Sigma 6 theme song to himself.