Authors ramblings (Note)
*looks at a calendar, Odd Sunday*
*tries to log to , fails, much cursing and panicking is being had*
*Finally manages to get in*
So here we are again. Originally I planned for a shorter bridging chapter but it turned out to be both too long and too impactful to the story to be really called that. So a Suite chapter it is, "Suite No.4,01 Sharing and shopping".
As its title suggest a "Suite No.4,02" is being finished, but it is not in a fit state to release by any metric. But I hope to finish it to a satisfactory state in time for the next release.
Obligatory: I do not possess depression capable of creating NGE thus I do not own it.
Definitely NOT obligatory: Thanks go to BrokenWingsHealed for being an amazing friend to both the story and the author. Has everyone in here checked her stories already?
Thanks also to the people who commented or otherwise showed their support. You people make it worth it for me to publish. But also if any of you feel like providing constructive criticism, I would appreciate (even if not necessarily incorporate) it.
Also Marty, I quite appreciate your pick and if you recall back Asuka mentioned in Suite No.2 she likes Shinji's take on Beethoven
Lastly, please take note that heavy subjects warning is still in full force. If you are in a bad place right now, I'd like you to consider if you can handle stuff from Shinji's and Asuka's past right now.
I'd rather you leave it for now and return back when in better shape than to make any problems worse for you.
Thank you for reading my note up to this point, if indeed you did, and enjoy the chapter please if indeed you choose to read.
Suite No.4,01 Sharing and shopping
Sunday morning came with the persistent rain from the day before finally getting the hint to bug off. To an uninformed observer, that might explain why Asuka Sohryu was almost smiling when sipping her "cup-dissolving acid" she chose to call coffee.
She would do nothing to dispel that notion either. 'Through at some point, I should probably tell Hikari: She would tell me for sure if that Ape of hers got two and two together and put on a move,' she thought idly as she watched Shinji making breakfast for everybody.
She had even offered to help, but the Baka just smiled, gave her her coffee cup with the coffee just perfect, and told her to sit down.
She actually got six full hours of sleep.
Asuka let that sink in.
Six hours of sleep…
And she had only ever woken up twice.
Shinji was humming Beethoven and slicing onions and salami for the omelette. Not even finding a short note from Misato saying only Gone out, unexpected work,I may be late for dinner managed to sour his outlook that morning. He was not completely sure he was not imagining the previous evening until he found a small and painful bruise where Asuka pinched him. The redhead was gone from his room by the time he woke up.
But she was there.
'She trusts me with her nightmares, she trusts me to hold her as she sleeps, she trusts me, period…' he realised. It was almost drug-like. And the best thing was that him being a pilot was not related to it, at least not directly.
Asuka trusted him because it was him, Shinji, and he was worth trusting.
Shinji's smile vanished when he remembered the second time Asuka's nightmares woke them both…
Shinji woke up stirred by motion. He was just about to say, "Alright, getting up, Misato," and to start getting dressed and ready to head to NERV when he realised that his guardian was nowhere to be seen - and that he held Asuka, who was trying to toss around while mumbling something in German. He did not understand a word except for "Mama" and "please".
He tried to shake her awake. "Asuka, you are safe, you are in Tokyo-3, it's a dream. Wake up, Asuka!" he whispered vehemently.
The girl woke up and looked at him, half-asleep. "Gomene, Baka, now neith… er… of us is getting a.. ny.. sleep tonight, I should have slept on the bedroll, not fair me costing you sleep," she gave him an apologetic look.
"You had a nightmare, I woke you up," explained Shinji, dealing with the fact that Asuka had just apologised to him first thing after waking up and was looking close to tears.
She nodded after a while: "Thank you Shinji, this one is…" she trailed off and held on to him tighter, "Exceptionally bad," she finished with a shudder.
She looked at him again after a moment: "If tomorrow, you will put a bedroll out for me, I'll understand. You did nothing to earn your sleep getting destroyed-" she would have gone on, had Shinji not shut her up with a kiss.
"Idiot, me waking you up helped? Right?" he asked when they broke off. Asuka only nodded, feeling too drained to go on with her attempt to not take advantage of Shinji's kindness.
Shinji smiled at her: "Then you are staying right the hell where you are and I'll wake you up as many times as you need."
This time Asuka did not need a kiss to be rendered speechless.
'Not that I will ever complain about getting one. Mein Gott, he means it. He does not say anything fancy, no "Forever and Always", no "Us against the Angels and anyone who would hurt us," but what he says he means. Just why the hell are you so good to me, Shinji?'
Choosing clothes was new for Rei, but she ended up picking a red pullover and jeans. Then she waited since she did not feel like getting in the kitchen before the others and was not sure if it was polite to do so.
When she walked into the main room, she saw Shinji and Asuka sitting at the table. They were just eating their respective breakfast, at peace with the world - and oddly, with each other. 'They were always fighting since the Second arrived, something must have changed recently, further observations needed,' Rei concluded and then she saw something odd: 'Why is Shinji eating with his left hand?'
She looked down his right and saw the Second, no, Asuka, lay her fingers on Shinji's. 'Are they getting closer?' she wondered.
Rei realised she was noticed when the two teens, in sync, reacted as if their hands got burned. Shinji got up and started fussing over her breakfast.
She still did not understand why she rated a special breakfast. If she was at "home" she would simply eat some bread with tea. Now she was staring at a bowl of Miso soup, fresh bread, and a plate of home-baked cookies, all set before her along with a cup of tea.
She smiled at Shinji and quietly said "Thank you" with a smile. Shinji told her to smile when she was happy after all.
"..hey, Wundergirl, You listening?" Rei looked up from her cookies and saw the redhead pilot leaning to her.
"I apologise, Asuka - I was distracted by food. You wanted to say?" she asked as she took a sip of tea.
That was enough to placate the German, who went and stole a cookie from her plate.
"Naturlich, and it's Baka's cooking, which is one of like two acceptable reasons to get distracted when I speak to you." Asuka grinned at her fellow pilot. "I was saying we will get you some more clothes. For one something comfy to wear around the home instead of jeans," she finished with a grin.
"The jeans are acceptable," Rei replied, vaguely aware that she ought to show being thankful for a gift - which she was. But she was also confused. Did she not receive all her property and sustenance from Commander Ikari and Doctor Akagi? Compared to that, two pairs of Jeans, half a dozen T-shirts and a pullover should not seem very significant.
'Yes, but what did they gift me? They provided me with stuff, but never anything personal, a budget column saying Rei Ayanami. Pilot Sohryu personally went through her clothes to find something that would fit me.'
Rei was not exactly sure why Asuka turned, very frustratedly muttering something about "injustices of the world" when they started burning through T-shirts that were almost plug-suit-tight fit on Rei while fitting a lot looser on the redhead.
When she suggested that she was alright with tight fits, Asuka gave her a glare. "Rei, you don't wear tight fits like that unless you really want to make a point, and you aren't making such a point unless it is for someone special, and you aren't making that point around here, period!" After that, Rei thought it impolite to further probe the subject…
She returned to the present just fast enough to notice Asuka glaring murderously at the ceiling: "You don't know what you are talking about, literally I mean, and someone will pay for raising you like that!" Asuka shook her head. "But just you wait till we get you some comfy home clothes!" she said with a forced cheer that did not quite completely mask the anger.
'The anger that is not aimed at me,' realised the bluenette. Asuka was angry on her behalf, and so was Shinji. It was a... nice feeling. She watched how the redhead turned to Shinji.
"Alright, Baka, we are going out shopping. We will be out for most of the day, so forget about lunch - we will stop somewhere to eat," she said, smiling.
"Uh, you want me to go with you? Is clothes shopping not a girl thing? Maybe try to get Hikari to join you?" he asked back, eyes flickering between both girls.
"Well, Baka, first we are going to need a full-time bag carrier with the shopping list I have in mind, second Hikari is visiting her mother's grave today, so no joy there… You are coming." Shinji nodded, he knew better than to argue now.
As they were going out, Asuka muttered, "Gott help me if I know what works with blue hair and red eyes," tossing her arms around. Shinji was just looking at her and smiled as Asuka glared in his direction, though her heart was not in it. "What is it, Third?"
"Oh, I just thought, why not take what works for blue eyes and red hair and reverse it?" he blurted out and fought back the urge to add an apology. 'Asuka surely thought of something that simple and there must be a reason why it will not work,' he thought.
He was floored when Asuka grinned at him. "Shinji, that's so simple it is genial." She trotted off, taking both the First and Third in tow.
'You are so getting a thank you kiss for that idea, Shinji,' Asuka thought before she started plotting what to get for Rei. And for Shinji too…
Somewhere in the depth of the Geofront, and well out of the mind and knowledge of the pilot trio, a single switch was pulled by an old man that would by itself suffice to derail the entire scenario.
Professor Fuyutsuki Kózo hit a play button on an ancient VHS recorder containing a tape he should have watched a long time ago.
The job of a dedicated packhorse turned out to be less backbreaking than Shinji would have thought, mainly because Asuka agreed to have five pairs of boots she picked for Rei delivered. Of course, this was only after sufficiently scaring the shop assistant, who protested that they only do deliveries for adults. At the moment, he was, much to his relief, left at the cafe when Asuka decided that the last thing Rei needed was a proper swimsuit that was not a school issue. He could vividly imagine Asuka taking every opportunity to tease him.
His phone rang with the incoming message. He immediately flipped the phone open and read it.
It was from Asuka. It read: "I have a surprise for you, you will like it."
Shinji felt hot all of a sudden as he remembered their disastrous swimming lessons. Of course, he could not tell her what swimming brought up for him back then.
He replied, "Will that mean more swimming lessons?" already fearing the answer.
"Not the way you think it will," came the reply. That did little to placate Shinji. 'It's not like I can tell her "No" if she insists,' he thought.
He did not have to wait too long before the two girls came to pick him up, though - so he did not have to dwell on the problem for long.
"Come on Baka, just one more shop, and you are going to like it," said Asuka as they looked out of the mall windows. The black sky promised a proper downpour soon.
Shinji followed her gaze with a frown. "Should we not go home? It looks like it is going to rain cats and dogs soon!"
"I agree with Shinji, we should not let ourselves get caught in that sort of weather outside," said Rei, almost matching his expression.
Asuka thought, 'Do they look alike, or is it that they make the same argument? In the same manner?' She made a mental note to think about that some more.
"We all need a bomber jacket, we are pilots after all, and I outgrew mine this year. Come on, let's go!" Shinji and Rei exchanged looks and fell in formation, both knowing it would be best to do as the redhead demanded.
Forty minutes later, the trio stepped out into the falling downpour and howling wind wearing near-identical leather flyer jackets - except for Rei, who insisted hers should be from fake leather. Shinji felt surprisingly proud of her for that little act of defiance.
As they waited for the train, Asuka grinned at them, apparently happy despite the weather. "See, guys, there are only wrong clothes, not bad weather!" She looked them over. Shinji looked good in leather - much less vulnerable, and Rei… for some reason, she looked outright mean and menacing. But Asuka decided she liked the mean-looking Wundergirl more than the doll-like one and it was not even close.
Asuka waited twenty minutes after Misato went to bed. She was not trying to sneak around. 'When she asks, I'll spill the beans,' she promised to herself as she got up from the couch and headed to Shinji's room. To her surprise, he was listening to his SDAT sitting at the table and scribbling on a sheet of notepaper. She sat on the bed looking at Shinji. He was completely lost in his pursuit. Asuka had a peek at the paper and smiled: Shinji was taking a piece of Haydn's and rewriting it for cello.
She thought about her late visits to Hikari. Asuka implored her friend to allow her to practice the flute at Hikari's. 'No way I am playing it here, having not touched it for three years,' she thought. But after some twenty hours of training, she felt like she was getting the hang of it again.
She put a hand on Shinji's shoulder. "It is past midnight, Baka, let us go to sleep." Asuka held her breath. 'He had a whole day to decide that he does not want to be woken multiple times a night by a mental wreck like me,' she thought.
Shinji smiled and set the SDAT earphones on the table. "Alright, just let me finish the line, Asuka," he said and turned his attention to the piece he was writing for a short while more. He almost missed Asuka smiling brightly.
Sometime later, resting her head on Shinji's shoulder, Asuka said: "Shinji, I got an idea about teaching you to swim. We'll go to Geofront tomorrow, alright?"
She frowned as Shinji went stone rigid in her embrace.
"What is wrong, Baka?" she asked, holding him tighter.
Shinji shook his head. "Nothing, Asuka, I am alright," he got out, managing not to apologise. He received such an angry glare that he would have recoiled, had he anywhere to recoil to.
"In case it eluded you, I'm holding on to you right fucking now, Idiot. And you went petrified. So something is wrong. Don't trust me with it, or just don't want to talk about it? Fine! But do not try to lie to me that everything is OK when I have you on "polygraph" - got me?!"
Shinji looked at her with a deer-in-the-headlights expression on his face. "You really care, I know I should tell you, but the idea that Someone cares is still pretty fresh," he said. Asuka chuckled. "Yes, I do - now apologise for being a dumbass and lying to me about being fine and spill it."
"I… I am afraid of drowning… Sorry for lying that nothing was wrong, Asuka," he let out after a moment.
Asuka was halfway to saying "Why did you not tell me?!" but she stopped herself in time. 'Why would he tell me? I played the perfect infallible prodigy a bit too well for someone like Shinji to share their fears.'
Instead, she looked him in the eyes: "Shinji, I think I have an idea that might help you get over that fear. If you trust me enough, we will try it. But if you at any point say anything, we are shelving it and I won't bring it up again."
"I think I can do that," said Shinji with relief. He hoped they would go to sleep, But Asuka nixed that.
"Shinji, what gave you the fear of water? You seemed to handle yourself pretty well at Over the Rainbow. But you do not have to tell me if you don't want to," she said, adding the last sentence hastily when she felt Shinji tense up again. Shinji wanted to shut up, but he remembered that evening when Asuka helped him get over his father. 'She shared her pain to help me, I can do no less.'
"Do you remember how I told you how I first ran away from Misato?" he asked.
"You went shell-shocked and ran away, Shinji, that's common in soldiers, even in soldiers who are adults without abusive upbringings," she said as reassuringly as she could. Asuka felt Shinji holding her hand. She squeezed his right back.
"Yes, the thing is, at one point I got to a lake, and I thought, no more fighting, no more problems, not for me, not for Misato…" Asuka felt a cold dread creeping up her spine. 'Whatever bullshit he tried, he is alive, now, I am holding him, now, and when I am done ripping him a new one for being an idiot, I will help him!' she reminded herself forcefully.
"You jumped?" she asked
Shinji shook. "I did, but I found the water at that spot was just too shallow, and I did not get enough will again… I was way too pathetic, I just crawled back to shore and sat there for hours."
"Idiot, Baka!" Asuka hit him in the chest. "No problems for you? No problems for Misato? You know how selfish that is?"
Shinji opened his mouth, but a single glare was enough to shut him up.
"Misato loves you, you moron, Rei depends on you for any hope of a normal life. Hell, even Pen-Pen and the stooges at school would miss you. You matter to people! Committing suicide to save trouble for your loved ones is the most idiotic thing you can do!"
Shinji looked at her and realised she was crying - not just a tear or two, but proper crying. "Asuka..." he started.
"Silence, Idiot! I haven't finished! I… I would miss you too!" Asuka was glaring at him with tearful eyes.
The logical side of Shinji's brain suggested that Asuka would never have gotten to meet him if he died on that day, but thankfully the self-preservation instinct kicked in before he said anything stupid.
Then it got to him… She would miss him. 'Asuka would miss me, and the others too,' he realised. Asuka was holding him tight and crying into his chest, mumbling in German.
Then she looked him in the eyes, with almost desperate force. "Shinji, you swear to me, on whatever it is you hold dearest, you keep on living, no matter what. Got me? That means no Selbmort, no heroic sacrifices, no giving up and letting anything kill you, no nothing, you fight like a cornered wildcat to crawl back home, you got me, mister?"
Shinji looked bewildered. "Uh, how does a cornered wildcat fight?"
"You swear that to me!" She held onto his shoulders.
He nodded: clearly a world depended on that and that was a reason enough.
"I will, Asuka, just give me a moment, I need to think what to swear on..." He relaxed slightly when Asuka nodded minutely, saying "Gut."
'My mother, it has to be my mother,' he thought almost immediately. Her grave came to Shinji's mind but he rejected it at once. It was the place his "Father" used to pretend he cared for Shinji at all for the last ten years, and it was empty anyway. But he felt fond of his mother, always - in spite of her choosing to marry Gendo Ikari of all people.
And Rei, the single most selfless person he knew, reminded him of her. In spite of not having a single actual vivid memory of her, he felt loved by his mother more so than by anyone else in his life… 'Well, maybe not recently.'
But he had it. Shinji smiled. "Asuka, I don't remember my mother, and she has no true grave, the place I went to earlier is only an empty tomb, but I know she loved me. I just know."
'You lucky bastard,' thought Asuka, but kept silent: she did not want to destroy even that for Shinji. 'I did enough of that already and he still can stand looking at me, maybe he would take that can of worms as well...' She shook her head. Sure it was one thing to drop on your - what the hell was Shinji to her by now anyway - a friend? - that your father had left you and was about as useful to you as tits on a fish. But telling him that your mother snuffed herself and killed "You" except the "You" in question was a rag doll was a few river systems worth of bridges too far.
"So you want to swear on her love for you?" she asked eventually. That would work for her, she could tell he believed in it. Shinji nodded, grateful that Asuka was back to something like her usual self, even if he was likely to have finger marks - and maybe a scratch mark on his shoulders - come morning. "Yes, I want to."
"Then say it: it does not have to be anything fancy, just, I will come back home to you, I will not do anything stupid like dying in any way mean or shape, and the wildcat. I insist on the wildcat!" she finished with just a trace of a relieved smile on her lips.
"I, Ikari Shinji, on the love my mother had for me, swear to you, Asuka, that I will always fight like a cornered wildcat, I will always fight all the way to stay alive, that I won't harm myself or even try that. And that I will always come back to you, Misato, Rei, Ken, and Touji. Come back home to you." The silence dragged on for a while afterwards.
'Don't be ridiculous Sohryu, he plays music for you, cooks for you, yes, but he hasn't just promised to get back to YOU personally. He just repeated the last part again,' said the cynical part of Asuka's mind. She tried her best to ignore it. 'He swore it, he will fight like a verdammt Wildkatze to always come back home, just ask him!' she continued to herself.
After a moment longer, she realised she was staring at a near-petrified Shinji. 'Gut, you musing on what he meant made him think he did something wrong - but at least he is not apologising, again.'
She nodded; if he went all out to actually swear that to her, she would receive the oath properly. She held his hand and nodded again. "And I will hold you to every word of that, Shinji, every goddamned word. You are done running. You belong to… Us," she finished with a pause.
She was very glad the room was near completely dark when he replied: "I would like that a lot, Asuka."
Asuka felt a swirl of emotions she just did not want to deal with at two AM: after hearing that someone who might just give her hope to never be alone again almost killed themselves, and after hearing something that damn near as well sounded like a confession…
So she kissed Shinji.
"What was that one for?" he asked. "The promise?"
She shook her head resolutely. "That would be cheap, don't you think? You get one when you carry on with it. This one was for coming up with the idea to invert what I wear to find something that would fit Wundergirl," Asuka said, laughing softly. She bit her lip for a moment and then spat out what was on her mind: "When you said 'Come back home to you' the second time, did you mean come back home to us - or just me specifically?"
For what was to Asuka the longest moment in a good long while, Shinji hadn't said a thing. Then he shook his head: "No, I meant to come back to you, Asuka."
It was a good long while before Shinji got his next words out: "Let's go get some sleep, Asuka..." She nodded and then she grabbed his hand and held fast. Shinji looked at her "What is wrong, Asuka?" he asked.
"Shinji, the things we talked about, and it is in no way your fault, but… this is going to be a bad night. I know that. If you want to get ANY sleep tonight, I should leave," she suggested, sounding almost fearful, so
Shinji just pulled her closer. 'And she calls me an idiot,' he thought. "Asuka, you aren't going anywhere unless you want to. If I have to, I'll repeat it every damn time. You are staying right where you are," he said tiredly. "Now come to sleep."
Asuka knew that this was one of the "Won't go sleep until morning" nights so when she realised she was drifting asleep, moments later, she almost panicked.
'No, you will not see it all again, Baka will shake you up in time,' she thought resolutely and dared to close her eyes and go to sleep.