"Tina-san, may I come in." A pleasant but thin voice asks from outside the bedroom door.
"Just a moment." I say hurriedly making myself presentable as I had just finished feeding and burping the baby. I wipe his face and fix my clothes before I call Rick's mother into the room.
She enters with a smile on her face. There is no fooling anyone though. Her face is stained with tears and her eyes are red. When she speaks her voice is weak and hoarse.
"How do you like your room?" she asks me and internally I correct her the room, this is not my room. None of this is for me.
"It's very nice, thank you for letting me use it." I say bowing my head.
"We're not letting you use it Tina-san. It's yours. I want you to think of this house as your own." She says and sits next to me on the bed.
"That is very nice of you Hizuri-san. I will do my best not to be a burden or make a mess." I say nervously as she scrutinizes my face.
"Call me Julie, please." She says and a genuine smile brightens her face. "I can tell you are a good girl Tina-san and I want us to get along. Don't worry about being a burden or making a mess. I think I'll like having you and the little one here with us."
Not knowing what else to say I simply say, "Thank you."
She continues to stare at me as I fidget with the blanket the baby is wrapped in.
"May I hold him?" she asks finally breaking the silence. I hand him over desperate to please her and avoid suspicion. "Kuu and I will make all the preparations for the," she stumbles over her words a moment before finishing, "for Rick."
"Thank you." I say remembering that I am supposed to be a grieving widow. I am sorry that Rick is dead and sad about Tina, but I barely knew them. Crying in front of her would feel too devious. But who am I kidding I'm already lying about everything? I drop my head to my hands and to my surprise real tears come spilling out.
"Oh sweetheart!" Julie wraps an arm around my shoulder, and I lean into her. When was the last time someone held me while I cried? I try to think of a time but come up empty. I want to be selfish and cry to my heart's content in Julie's arms.
"I'm sorry." I say and pull away ashamed of myself. "I'm tired." If my actions hurt her it doesn't show on her face.
"Of course, you are. You gave birth in a train wreck and woke up to a completely changed life surrounded by strangers, and now we've brought you to a strange place." Julie says standing up from the bed and carrying the baby over to his bassinet. "Thank you for this one." She says placing him down and turning to smile at me.
I am shocked when she comes back over and pulls the covers of the bed back. She instructs me to lie down. I comply and Julie covers me then places a kiss on my forehead. It is all I can do not to break down and cry myself to sleep.
"Goodnight sweet girl. You're safe now." She whispers and my heart drops.
A good person would say something now. If I were a good girl like she thinks I would end these lies. Instead, I whisper goodnight back to her and curl up under the blankets basking in the warmth that her kiss had filled me with.
The next morning Yashiro-san wakes me up for breakfast. He carries the baby as he leads me through the massive house to the dining room. At a long elegantly decorated table Julie and her husband sit before a feast of massive proportions. They have French toast, pancakes, and waffles pilled on plates in the center of the table. There is a plate piled high with sausages and multiple plates with varieties of eggs. I take the seat Yashiro-san has pulled out for me and he takes a seat across from me.
"Sorry we couldn't make more. I can't seem to find my recipe for French crepes. Then I forgot to have Yashiro-san pick up dashi for some soup and I didn't know what kind of vegetables you would like for a quick pickle. I promise tomorrow I'll make a proper Japanese breakfast. What are your favorite foods Tina-san?" Rick's father asks and he passes me a plate. "Eat. Eat."
"Kuu, let her pick her own food." Julie chides before he can pile pancakes onto my plate.
"Right. Pancakes or French toast? I also made waffles if you'd prefer." He says spreading his arms out over the food. "I could always attempt to make the crepes from memory."
"Thank you, Hizuri-san, I guess pancakes are fine." I say and watch his face fall.
"You called me Hizuri-san." He sounds heartbroken as he sits back in his chair. "Won't you call me Kuu, or better yet dad?"
"D…?" I nearly swallow my tongue due to his absurd suggestion. How could I ever call him dad? "Kuu-san," I stutter, "Did you make breakfast yourself?"
"Yes, I did!" he says and his face breaks into a smile again. "Julie loves home cooked meals so I try to cook as often as I can."
"What about the servants? Don't they do the cooking for you?" I had assumed that they would have chefs and maids to do all the work around the house for them. I was going to offer to work in the kitchen to earn my keep.
"We sometimes call in a chef but only when we go on business trips and leave Kuon by himself. He isn't big on cooking and Yashiro-san has other work to do so he can't be expected to cook for our adult son." Julie supplies. "Though Yashiro-san can cook for you if you'd wish. If you ever need something to eat, he would be more than happy to make you anything you'd like. Though he can only make every day Japanese staples and nothing more western."
"If you like fish or tamagoyaki I'm your guy. Omurice too, or curry rice." Yashiro-san adds proudly.
"Uh, no that's alright. I don't want to make more work for you." I say and the three of them frown at me. "I," I stop myself before telling them that I can cook. Did Tina know how to cook? Would that be something they would know about her?
"This is my job Tina-san. Your job is taking care of Eric-san and mine is to take care of you and Kuon." Yashiro-san says giving Julie and Kuu a start.
"Eric?" Julie asks and I am equally pleased and disgusted with myself at the instant joy on her face.
"Yes, I would like to name the baby Eric. If that's ok with you." I say beginning to regret the decision.
"Wow." A disgusted voice says from behind me. "That's perfect." Kuon continues to speak wryly as he walks into the room and sneers at me and the baby.
"Don't start, Kuon." Julie says as he plucks an orange from one of the many bowls of fruit.
"I'm not starting anything mother. I just think it's a little insensitive of her to take my brother's name for her baby." Kuon says and here I thought he was going to start being nice to me. "We're not even sure if it's his yet."
"Kuon!" Kuu says in a stern almost overbearing voice. It's enough to make me cower in fear with my shoulders hunched up to my ears and my arms coming u reflexively to protect myself. Kuon however barely bats an eye at his father's anger.
"Oh, come on father admit it, you thought the same thing when Rick told us she was pregnant. If he were alive, you two would be screaming your heads off at him. A girl he knew for barely two weeks tells him that her baby is his," he says rudely gesturing towards me. I want to stand up for Tina but I'm afraid to speak. "He eloped in Paris without even so much as a phone call beforehand then took her on a trip across Europe. My credit cards would have been cut off before my plane landed in France if I had pulled something like that." Kuon says setting the orange back in the bowl. I fixate on the orange recalling that he had vanished after bringing me here last night and hadn't joined me for dinner.
Julie is close to tears and Kuu is red with furry.
"I'm right and you know it. You seem like a perfectly nice girl, Tina-san, but the fact remains we don't know you. Rick didn't know you. Now he's dead and he's escaped any consequence that he might have had for marrying you without a prenup or verifying the baby is his." Kuon says and I hate that I partially agree with him. The fact that Tina turned out to be genuine and good doesn't excuse blindly jumping into marriage after two weeks. I knew Shoutaro my whole life and he had turned out to be a slimy cockroach. No, a squishy slug. A plague-ridden rat!
"I'm sorry." I say not knowing how else to make this right. If I don't placate Kuon-san and make him my friend, he may demand a paternity test. That could only result in me behind bars and my baby in an orphanage or worse sent home to my mother.
"Don't apologize to him." Julie says with a quiver in her voice. "You did nothing wrong."
"I got pregnant without being married. I wasn't raised that way, but I was dumb and in love." I say tears welling in my eyes. "He's right, we rushed into things, and we didn't even think to invite you. I'm sorry."
"Oh!" Julie exclaims and I find myself suffocated against her chest. "We know sweetheart. There is no blame on you, Rick probably didn't even think of it. He could be reckless like that."
"Please don't let it reflect on our parenting. Both our sons are reckless and inconsiderate." Kuu says appearing at my side to gently place pressure on his wife's shoulders reminding her to allow me to breath.
Kuon scoffs and I've had enough of his attitude.
"I don't think badly of your parenting. Rick could be impulsive," that was what Tina had said, "But he only ever did what he thought was right. He was one of the only people I ever met who was kind to me without wanting something in return. It may have seemed reckless to you but to me his impulsiveness made him more of a genuinely good person."
Kuu engulfs Julie and I in a bear hug as Yashiro coos telling my son to look at his happy family.
"Yes, he was a genuine guy. He was really generous too if the rock on your hand is any indication as to how much he splurged on the honeymoon. As for being kind without wanting something in return, didn't the two of you meet in a bar and hook up that night?" Kuon says. "I'm so sorry did I make assumptions about you being a gold digger? Did I unfairly judge you?"
I've really had enough of him. How dare he judge Tina like that. Before any of us can respond Kuon leaves. There really is no way for us to be friends. He is determined to hate Tina no matter what.
"Grief is a funny thing Tina-san." Yashiro speaks up as my baby begins to fuss. "Shh." He soothes holding the baby to himself and patting his back. "Kuon already felt left out when he wasn't invited to the wedding. Now his brother is never coming back and that hurt has been compounded on."
"Oh?" I say looking at Yashiro in awe.
He and Kuon must be really close friends for him to be able to read Kuon like that. I voice the opinion only to be shot down.
"I am merely his personal assistant." Yashiro says standing up to hand the baby over to me. "I think somebody is hungry."
"Me too!" Kuu says rushing back to his plate of food and the atmosphere loses all the tension that had built up when Kuon was in the room.
"So, he'll hate me forever because I came home instead of Rick?" I ask but the only answer I receive is an affectionate kiss on the temple from Julie.
I leave the breakfast table to feed my baby in private. Kuon isn't wrong though, I could be classified as a gold digger. It only makes it worse that I didn't even know Rick. I deserve Kuon's hatred. I welcome it even.