A/N: I own nothing / apologies for mistakes I missed.

For V.

I wanna be alone

Alone with you, does that make sense?

I wanna steal your soul

And hide you in my treasure chest

"You coming, Cap?"

Olivia looked up at the sound of Fin's voice, to see him standing in the doorway of her office with his eyebrow arched in question. She glanced out the front windows and saw Amanda and Carisi throwing their jackets on over their shoulders as he waited for her to answer. They were all hitting the bar after a long week, needing to let loose a bit.

She removed her glasses from the bridge of her nose and folded them, setting them down on her desk. She rubbed her face, mulling her options over in her head. Go out, make an appearance with her squad and have a drink or two, or go home…sit by herself and have a drink or two alone.

Both gave her the same result.

Hell with it, she decided. Noah was at a sleepover for the weekend and it was a Friday night; she deserved to have some fun for once.

"Yeah," Olivia said, shutting her laptop. Her mind was spinning; it had been a crazy week. December was always a tougher month for her, juggling holiday festivities, Christmas shopping, an inevitable spike in cases, and spending quality time making memories with Noah. She felt stretched thin that week but deserved some down time.

"Good," Fin said, nodding as he watched her gather her things and sling her bag over her shoulder. She stood up and rounded the corner of her desk, breezing past him as he added, "I, uh…text Stabler to see if he wanted to join."

Olivia stopped dead in her tracks and spun back around to face him. "He's still under," she said, furrowing her brows.

"He didn't tell you?" he asked cautiously. "He got back a few days ago."

"No," she said slowly, her mind kicking into overdrive. "No, he didn't." She turned back around to leave the precinct, ignoring the pain in her heart.

It's not like me to be so mean

You're all I wanted

Just let me hold you

Like a hostage

By the time she got to the bar, she was seething. She stared across the hazy bar in a daze; the beer she drank burned the back of her throat. Jazzy Christmas music wafted through the air, wrapping itself around her like a scarf. She felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes – it was becoming too much, all too quickly. Maybe coming out tonight hadn't been the best idea.

The delicate gold chain around her neck felt a little too heavy, suffocating her as she squirmed on her barstool. Her clothes tugged at all the wrong places, making her hyper-aware of how uncomfortable she was growing. She threw her head back and let the rest of her beer run down the back of her throat, welcoming the new wave of fire she felt all the way down to her empty stomach.

She caught the bartender's attention and signaled for another, not letting a moment pass before starting her second. It wasn't long before the second bottle was empty, soon replaced by a third. She had just pressed it up to her lips when she felt him beside her. She took a swig, buying herself an extra moment or two before she faced him. The beer felt like a branding iron to her tongue, silencing the notion of grievances she'd wanted to say for so long.

"Hey," he said coolly, sitting down on the stool beside her. He shook his arms, letting the black leather jacket ride up to a comfortable position on his forearms.

Olivia glared at him as her fingers absentmindedly picked at the beer bottle label.

Elliot ordered a beer for himself and then turned back to her. "You know," he said with a laugh, "when someone says, 'hello' it is polite to say 'hello' back."

"Don't you fucking talk to me about being polite," she snapped, feeling the liquid courage's energy coursing through her.

He recoiled at her words, his smile slightly fading. Without his beard, she could see every miniscule expression on his face, every new line that age had carved on him.

"Why didn't you tell me you were back?" Her voice was quiet and suddenly she felt silly; ashamed that she was so hurt by his actions. "I thought we agreed no more secrets when you got back."

Elliot sighed and ran his fingers over the label on his own beer. "I meant to, I did, but time got away from me in the past couple days. With Mama and Eli…and Kathleen."

Of course he had valid excuses. His kids came first, she'd always known that.

"Oh, but Fin was important enough to know?" She hated how desperate she sounded but she couldn't help herself.

"Fin was there with Ayanna when I got back." He took a swig of his beer and set it back down on the counter, slamming it a bit too forcefully than he'd intended.

Heat flooded her cheeks and even through her buzzed mindset, the pieces connected and she felt embarrassed for her over-reaction. They sat in silence for a few moments before she quietly muttered, "I'm sorry."

It was loud enough for him to hear, but he shook his head to dismiss it. "No, Liv, I'm sorry. I should have called you. I just… I wanted to completely shed Eddie Wagner before I saw you."

She looked at him and slowly reached out to touch his now-bare face as Fin crashed between them, one hand hitting the counter and the other clapping Elliot's back.

"Stabler!" he said enthusiastically, "Thank God you got rid of that chinchilla on your face."

Olivia's demeanor changed as she broke out into laughter, throwing her head back at Fin's words.

Elliot glanced at her, the sound of her laughing was like music to his ears. He looked back at Fin and smiled, lifting the beer bottle to his lips again. "Funny, Ayanna said the same thing."

"I'm glad there's someone else around now to give you hell." Fin looked between them, sensing he was interrupting something. He grabbed another drink before glancing at the two of them again, adding, "I'll leave you two alone with whatever I interrupted."

Olivia and Elliot both opened their mouths in protest but their words fell flat as Fin was already striding back across the bar.

They sat comfortably in silence – well, as silent as you can be in a bar, nursing their drinks. She felt the wave of uncomfortableness wash over her again, knowing she had a limited amount of time to get home before she lost all control.

"Hate to cut this short, but I need to go." Olivia stood up, sliding off her barstool. She stumbled a bit as she found her footing; Elliot instinctively reaching out to steady her.

"Give me your keys," he said, his hands on upper arms.

"I'm fine, Elliot, it was just my ankle," she whined, struggling to get out of his embrace.

"Like hell you're fine," he huffed, "I'm not letting you drive. How many beers did you have?"

"Three." Though it felt like more, due to her empty stomach.

"Give me your keys, Olivia." Elliot stared at her, unrelenting in his gaze.

She sighed and handed them over, knowing it was a battle she was destined to lose. "What about your car?" she asked.

He shook his head. "Took a cab here and I'll take one home," he said nonchalantly. "Come on."

They said a quick round of goodbyes to their friends and slipped out into the night, watching their breaths appear in the cold air around them as they walked to her SUV. Olivia took a deep breath, forcing the icy air deep into her lungs. The sensation gave her temporary relief from the underlying panic in her mind.

The drive to her apartment was quiet; Elliot wove in and out of the Manhattan traffic, taking all the familiar twists and turns to get them home. He followed her instructions and pulled into her usual parking spot, shutting the vehicle off.

"Noah home?" he asked, taking her keys out of the ignition.

"No, he's at a friend's house this weekend." Olivia looked at him and reached across the console, swiping her keys from his hand.

Elliot opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted.

"I know, I know, blink your lights when you get inside." She smirked as she reached for the door handle behind her. "You'll stay out here until you see them."

"Nah," he said as he unbuckled his seatbelt. "I'm walking you up myself."

"I'm fine, Elliot," she repeated for the second time that night, "I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself."

"Humor me and let me do it."

The two of them walked into her building's lobby and towards the elevator, neither saying much. Elliot reached for her hand and interlocked their fingers, testing the waters.

Olivia didn't pull away.

The ride to the fourth floor was a quiet one. The ding of the elevator felt like a bass drum to her heartbeat as the doors slid open in front of them and she guided them down the hallway to her door.

"See? Home safe and sound," she said, turning around to face him.

Elliot smiled as he braced himself against the door with his right arm, effectively blocking her in.

"Happy now?" she teased.

"I am." He nodded.

Their gazes locked on each other for a moment, both drinking in the moment before Olivia arched up on her tip toes, her eyes flickering down to his lips as she leaned in. Their lips met; instantly falling into a rhythm as if it was their five hundredth kiss instead of their first.

They broke apart; her cheeks flushed and her lips plump.

"Liv-"

"Stay the night," she whispered, her fingertips toying with his tie. "Please. I don't want to say goodbye just yet."

Elliot looked down at their interlocked fingers still and then back at her. He stood up straighter and let her unlock her apartment door, following as she led him inside.

I don't know what to do

To do with your kiss on my neck

I don't know what feels true

But this feels right so stay a sec

Yeah, you feel right so stay a sec

They'd spent the night in her apartment together, just staying in each other's embrace. Elliot wanted to make sure nothing happened that Olivia would potentially regret, not because he didn't want to, but because she wasn't completely sober.

After waking up that Saturday morning wrapped in Elliot's arms, with sunlight spilling into her room, nestled between layers of sheets and cozy blankets, she wondered how she'd gone her entire life without this. She felt well rested and at peace, something she hadn't in a long time. She wanted to stay in their little bubble of bliss but the real world came calling; both of them needing to fulfill parental duties and other chores that kept them away from each other.

Elliot had text her Wednesday morning to meet him at the corner coffee shop, a block down from Noah's school. He stood outside on the sidewalk with their coffees in hand, knowing she wouldn't have much time. He watched as her black SUV came into view and pulled up to the curb next to him.

"Hey," he said quickly as he climbed into the passenger seat. Elliot pressed a quick kiss to her cheek without thinking, before she had time to protest. He handed her a coffee and smiled as he said, "Got you coffee."

"Thank you," Olivia said, her own smile appearing. She brought it to her lips and took a sip; the taste of mocha, caramel, and cinnamon swirling on her tongue. The man knew his coffee, she'd give him that.

"What was so important that we had to meet in person?" she prodded, inquiring about their sudden meeting.

Elliot smiled. "I'm taking you away this weekend."

"What?" she asked, choking on her sip of coffee.

He repeated himself. "We said no more secrets and we wanted to explore where this," he motioned between them, "would go. We're going to figure that out."

"Elliot…"

"Amanda agreed to watch Noah this weekend and Fin has been instructed not to bother you." He reached for the hand that rested on the console and rubbed small circles with his thumbs. "Just you…me….and thirty-six uninterrupted hours together."

Olivia was speechless at his words; her mind swirling with things they had not yet discussed.

"I'm picking you up at six Friday night and taking you to dinner. Then we have a reservation at the Plaza-"

"The Plaza?" she echoed. "Elliot, that is expensive, that is too much."

"No, it's not. I have a lot to make up for."

"El."

"It's non-refundable, so just humor me and go along with it."

Olivia sighed. "Fine."

"And that…is all you get for now. Pack an overnight bag. Though you won't be wearing much if all goes according to plan."

A laugh escaped her as she arched her eyebrow. Here she was, listening to Elliot Stabler plan out a romantic weekend for the two of them. "Is that a promise?"

"You bet your ass it is."

She chuckled again, running her finger over the rim of her coffee cup. She took a deep breath and then looked at him again. "Can you come over tonight? There's just…" She shifted in her seat. "There's some things we haven't discussed and I don't want there to be any barriers."

"Yeah." He nodded, confusion clouding his baby blues. "Liv-"

"Not now." Olivia shook her head. "Just…can you come over to talk later? I'll explain then."

"Of course," Elliot said as he ran his thumb over her skin again. "Whatever you need."

She smiled softly, mental images of the conversations they'd yet to have flashed before her.

"Thank you," she said quietly. She glanced at the clock and cursed herself; she was already running late this morning and Chief McGrath would be on her ass.

"Sorry to make you late, Captain," Elliot said, smirking as he got out of the car.

"Don't remember dismissing you, Detective," Olivia said sternly. She watched him straighten up, a shiver running down his spine, causing her to laugh. "I'll see you later."

Elliot watched as she pulled away from the curb and drove off, thinking to himself how grateful he was to have her back.

And let me crawl inside your veins

I'll build a wall,

Give you a ball and chain

He came over later that night, slipping in after Noah had already gone to sleep.

"Thanks for coming over," Olivia said as she sat her wine glass down on the coffee table. "I, uh…don't really know how to start this."

Elliot sat down on the opposite end of the couch, throwing his arm over the back of it. "Just start at the beginning," he said quietly. "Whatever you need, I'm here."

She took a deep breath and began recounting her tale.

The wine she'd used to calm herself that evening was having an adverse reaction. She was emotionally charged; feeling everything so deeply as she spilled her secrets to him. All of her broken edges and pieces ripped open old wounds she thought had healed a long time ago.

The panic attack she'd felt coming all week finally came to a head, bubbling to the surface and Elliot held her as she cried. Ferocious, bad-ass, Wonder Woman, fearless Olivia Benson sitting in his arms being rocked back and forth with tears streaming down her face… She looked so small, delicate, and fragile there as he held her.

Elliot felt a wave of nausea roll over him; he should have been there. He shouldn't have ever left. Had he not, she wouldn't have had a new partner, one who didn't notice immediately when she was gone.

He would have protected her from him.

"I shouldn't have left," he whispered. "I should have been here. Liv, I'm…..I'm so sorry. I never should have left you."

She looked up at him; eyes wide and cheeks stained with tears and he thought he would die right then and there. To see her so hurt, so raw, so vulnerable; feeling partially responsible for the pain she'd endured.

"I would have noticed; hell, I wouldn't even have let you be alone-"

"I know." She reached for him, cupping his cheeks.

"I shouldn't have left you," he repeated.

"I know, I know, but we can't change it. It happened, it's done. I just need you to know. Needed you to know about them….before you saw me. I'm not what I used to be. And this," She motioned at her head, "the panic… still creeps in sometimes."

"They're a part of you, Liv. They don't make you less than, they're proof that you're a warrior, a survivor, they're proof that you're alive."

She smiled. "Cassidy and Tucker wouldn't look at them. They just…ignored that part of me. And it worked, for a while."

Elliot grimaced at the thought of either of them looking at her like that; the two men having access to her soul, body, and mind and wasting it.

"That's not what real love is," he said angrily. God, he shouldn't have left. He should have stayed, for her, with her. How different their lives would have been had he faced his feelings years ago or if time had been on their side. She'd spent so much of her life not knowing what real love felt like; between her strained relationship with her mother and the trauma of her existence to the history of wrong guys that had paraded in and out of her life.

"You deserve to be shown what real love is, Liv."

"So show me," she said after a pause. Olivia was quiet but she knew he heard her.

Elliot reached out to wipe away one of the tears rolling down her cheek, catching it with his thumb.

"Show me what real love is," she repeated.

"To do that…" he trailed off. "There's some things I need to tell you, too."

Gold's fake and real love hurts

And nothing hurts when I'm alone

When you're with me and we're alone

They'd fought. After she bared her soul to him and explained what William Lewis had done to her, her relationships with Brian and Ed, he'd in turn shared his handful of regrets since coming back into her life. Angela and Flutura…they were mistakes. Costly mistakes, but mistakes nonetheless.

He'd hated to see her like she was that night, but maybe it was what they'd needed all along. To be so raw and emotionally charged; to lay it all out on the line and let the pieces fall where they may.

They'd fought. She'd cried. Cursed his name time and time again. He'd held her, cursing himself for the pain he'd caused her. They stayed awake until the wee hours of the morning, airing their grievances and laying all their shit out.

And as a new day dawned…they knew they would be okay.

Thursday passed in a blur and Friday did as well. It had snowed all day long; the city now blanketed in the first winter's snow; a lush, wet, messy kind of snow that was perfect for snowball fights and the kind kids long for when dreaming of snow days.

True to his word, Elliot picked her up right at six sharp. He drove them to the hotel and checked them in, dropping their bags off before he whisked her away to dinner down the street.

It was a scene out of a storybook – they shared wine, Italian courses, and dessert before leaving the restaurant and heading back to the Plaza.

It had started snowing again just as they stepped outside; Olivia's cheeks instantly flushed as she adjusted to the cold air. She pulled her gloves on and adjusted the beanie that sat atop her head before Elliot laced his fingers with hers and pulled her further onto the streets of Manhattan.

He'd missed Christmas in the city. There was just something extra special about it – an energy that couldn't be replicated no matter how hard you tried. They walked quietly along the crowded streets, hearing a live band playing Christmas music down the street.

Elliot stopped walking, his hand slipping out of Olivia's. She took a few steps forward before she realized he wasn't beside her and turned around to see him bent down, tying his shoe. She smiled and glanced at one of the shops to her right; studying the Christmas display in the front window. She was so lost in her own world that she didn't pay attention until she felt a clump of thick, wet snow hit her ear.

She turned back around and saw Elliot standing now with a playful grin on his face and snowballs already formed in his hand. He tossed another one her way; pelting her with snowballs.

"Elliot!" she screeched, her laughter and childlike wonder filling the streets as she scrambled to retaliate.

They ignored everyone around them as they tossed more snowballs at each other, letting go of their inhibitions.

"Okay, okay, I give up!" she yelled, throwing her hands up in defeat, unable to keep up with his pace.

"You asked me to show you what real love is like," Elliot said as he took a few steps closer to her, closing the distance between them. "This is it, Liv. It's wild, exhilarating, silly, goofy, good, bad, a million different facets at once."

Olivia stared at him, wondering when he had morphed into the poet standing before her.

"Don't look so shocked, Benson." Elliot wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to him; kissing her softly.

They separated; Olivia's eyes wide and her nose a delightful shade of pink.

"Come on," he said, taking her hand.

Their limbs felt heavy with numbness from the cold but Olivia couldn't have been happier. Here they were, together again, when she'd thought she'd only ever see him again in her dreams.

They were both breathing heavily by the time they reached the hotel; from anticipation or the cold, she wasn't sure which. They climbed into the elevator and Elliot selected their floor as she wiped a piece of her damp hair out of her face. Olivia took the beanie off her head and shook her head, water droplets falling from her hair. They arrived at their floor and he led her off the elevator and down the hallway towards their room.

Olivia immediately headed towards the bed and sat down, leaning down to remove her boots.

Elliot shook off his coat, letting it slide down to the tile floor. "Don't," he said.

She froze mid-movement. "What?" she asked, blowing another strand of hair out of her face.

"Don't take anything off. I want to undress you."

"I'm taking my coat off."

Elliot kicked his shoes off and left them in a pile by his coat before crossing across the room to her. She looked up at him as he reached for her, cradling her face between his palms. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and closed his eyes, savoring the moment.

His hands found the bottom of her sweater and he pulled it over her head; Olivia shivered as the cold air of their room hit her skin. She stood up as her hands found the buttons of his shirt and quickly worked to rid his body of it. She shimmied out of her skirt as he unclasped her bra, letting it fall to the floor.

It was the first time he saw her. Truly saw her. He knew of her scars' existence but this was the first time she'd actually allowed him to see them. His heart twisted as her words echoed in his mind from the few nights before, but he kept a straight face. His hand grazed the rough patches of her skin; the scar tissue that freckled her flesh. He drew special attention to each of them, knowing she was still self-conscious about them no matter how he reassured her. He knew she wouldn't see herself in the same way he saw her – a goddess walking amongst the earth, that she was heaven and hellfire, everything good in this life.

To him, she was gold.

His thumb followed the curve of the bumpy skin down her abdomen, leaving a trail of goosebumps behind his touch. Elliot felt tears forming in his eyes as he thought about the trauma they'd been caused by but pushed those thoughts out of his head as he fell to his knees and began kissing each and every one of them. Each imperfection that marked her turned perfect with the touch of his lips.

"Liv," he whispered, looking up at her.

"I know," she whispered back, biting her lip. "You don't have to-"

"I know. But they're a part of you…and I plan on loving every single inch of you." He continued his pass over her skin until he felt satisfied in the way he'd already loved her. He stood back up and laid her back on the mattress; her dark hair splayed out against the crisp white sheets.

Elliot removed the final obstruction, her tights and underwear, chuckling to himself as she came into view, spread out before him.

"You don't know how long I've waited for this. This for me?" he teased, running his index finger up her inner thigh and between her folds, already dripping.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh. "I'd hope so," she mumbled, her eyes rolling back at his mere feather-light touch.

"Ah, so we like to play." His eyes flickered up to meet hers, raking over every inch of her.

"El, please." She squirmed under him as his fingers trailed her inner thighs, desperate for friction. Her hands reached for his belt buckle but was slightly out of reach.

"Tell me what you're thinking," he murmured as he stroked her hair. "I want to keep an open line of communication here; if anything is too much, just say the words."

"I think," Olivia said as she stared up at him. "That you are entirely too dressed."

He laughed and guided her hands to his belt buckle, both of them working together to discard his pants and boxers. Elliot leaned forward, kissing her and she moaned against his mouth as she felt a finger enter her.

"Patience, baby," he said, "I'll get you where you need to go."

God, how many years had she daydreamed about this? Staring at him across their desks, in the interrogation room, watching him in the squad car; wondering how it would feel to have one of his thick, perfect fingers shoved inside of her.

She was rewarded with a second and felt like she would come from that alone.

"You always this eager?" he laughed.

"For you, yes." Her breathing was labored and her eyes hooded as she looked back at him.

Elliot removed his fingers instantly; the thought of her dripping like this when she was merely inches away from him at her desk all those years ago in the precinct made him want to explode right then. He had to get his cock inside of her right now.

Slowly, he entered her, watching as she bit her lower lip to suppress a moan.

"Make all the noise you want, Liv, no one knows us here." He brushed her hair away from her face, knowing securing the hotel was the right decision.

No one knows us here.

How fitting.

Here they were, twenty-three years into their relationship – partnership, friendship, whatever you wanted to call it. Twenty-three years in and no one knew them here. No one knew the history of waiting on the sidelines, the personification of "right person, wrong time"; the six children scattered between them, past betrayals and present victories.

Tonight, here in this room overlooking the city, they were just Elliot and Olivia. Two souls reconnecting and becoming one again.

He thrust into her slowly, building his pace, wanting to take his time with her. His first time with Olivia Benson and he wanted it to last longer than the three minutes it usually took to get himself off by thinking about her. Her hips met his thrusts, getting desperate for relief. He kissed her again as he felt her legs wrap around him, drawing him in closer. He snuck his hand between their bodies and his thumb found her most sensitive bundle of nerves, spurring her to jolt underneath him.

"El," she whined, "I'm close."

"Look at me, Liv." Elliot pressed his thumb down harder, sending her over the edge and shattering.

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut, seeing stars behind her eyelids. "I can't," the words died on her lips, replaced by a breathy moan.

She opened her eyes as her breathing slowed, her mouth still hanging open. Elliot's thumbs rubbed circles on the soft flesh of her hips as she came down from her high.

"Fuck," she panted.

"Good?" he laughed.

"Great." Olivia chuckled and palmed his face. "Haven't ever come that hard before."

A look of pride flashed over Elliot's face, taking pride in his handiwork. He relaxed and before he knew it, Olivia had them flipped and smiled as she stared down at him. She flipped her hair to the left and raked her hands over his chest as she sank down on him slowly, giving herself time to adjust to him. They fit perfectly; molded together as two halves of a whole. As if they'd been connected from the start, split down the middle when it was time to come to this life on earth.

She rolled her hips as emotions flooded her and tears formed in her eyes. She knew in her heart of hearts that it was him, it always had been. He was The One. The one she read novels about, heard love songs about, dreamed about. It was him, it always had been.

"In a parallel universe, it will always be you and I."

"Hey," Elliot said, noticing she was crying. "You okay?"

"Good," Olivia said, nodding her head. She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his, squeezing her eyes shut. Tears rolled down her cheeks as they kissed; two decades' worth of emotions flooding her senses. "They're good tears."

He moved his lips away from hers and to her cheek, catching a tear rolling down it. He tasted her as she whispered the three words he'd longed to hear from her.

"I love you," she whispered.

He came undone at her words, spilling into her. They lay together in silence for a few moments, their labored breathing in sync.

"Thank you," Olivia said quietly later that night. They'd lost track of time, spending all their energy devoted to exploring each other.

"For what?" he asked.

"For showing me what real love is," she said, her hands grazing his skin.

Elliot felt tears spilling down his own cheeks as he stared at her. Wild eyes, flushed cheeks, swollen lips, aching emotions…all for him. Twenty-three years down the wrong paths and they were finally on their way home.

Gold on your fingertips

Fingertips against my cheek

Gold leaf across your lips

Kiss me until I can't speak

Additional Playlist:

It's All Coming Back to Me Now – Celine Dion

Hiding – Florence + The Machine

Begin Again – Taylor Swift

Can I Get It - Adele