Kazuma's POV
"Kazuma! Kill it, kill it, kill it! Why are they attacking me?! This is no way to treat a goddess! Help me Kazuma!"
"Darkness blacker than black-"
"She's too close to it, you damn psycho! I'll just bind it-"
"Decoy!"
I watched as Darkness lept in front of the toad, getting swallowed in an instant. Why can't my party just… Hang on. The toad just spat out Darkness and from what I can tell, she's rolling on the ground, probably enjoying it. And the toad's chasing after Aqua. And I've used a good amount of magic.
"Argh… Lurk."
"Kazuma? Why'd you activate lurk on us?"
"I'm just gonna sneak attack it."
Chunchunmaru, don't fail me now!
"KWAHHHH!"
*thump*
"Hey, you did it Kazuma! Now I feel bad for stealing your expensive wine!"
"You did what?! You stupid useless goddess!"
"Hey, I'm a goddess! I deserve a reward for saving you from the devil king with my hair!"
"How do you even know about that?!"
"That stinky all-seeing unholy abomination told me."
"You're paying for it!"
"Wait, no! Kazuma, please! I just had a sip! That's all I had!"
"You're lying to me!"
"Fine! Please don't make me pay for it…"
"You're paying for it! And I am not changing my mind!"
"Uh guys? I hate to break it to you, but."
Why didn't I notice that frog coming up behind us?
*mmph*
You know, Megumin was right. The inside of a toad is stinky as well as comfy. Let's just cut this frog from the inside and…
"Kazuma! You're covered in slime and blood!"
"Gee, I wonder why, Aqua! Maybe it's because I LITERALLY JUST CUT MY WAY OUT OF A TOAD'S STOMACH! I swear, if you couldn't heal, you would literally be useless!"
"There's some frogs grouped up over there! Explosion!"
"Wait Megumin no!"
Hey, she got a good amount of frogs!
"Not bad, Megumi-"
"Ahn~ Kazuma?"
"Yep. Gotcha. Alleyoop."
Guess we should go now.
"Aqua? Can you jar up the slime?"
"No way! That isn't a duty befitting a goddess?"
"...Look, I'll forgive you for stealing my wine, ok?"
They stared at each other for a few moments before Aqua stormed off with a "hmph" and began jarring slime.
"Hey Darkness! You coming?"
"O-of course! I'll stay with Aqua and help her with collecting slime!"
"Alright! Hey Megumin?"
"Yeah?"
"Why'd you get on me? You probably could've got Aqua or Darkness to carry you. Plus, I'm covered in slime and blood right now."
"Well, Aqua always complained back when she took me for explosions and Darkness's armour is pretty uncomfortable. Plus, I like the feeling of being carried by you."
"What are you going on about?"
"Huh?! I m-mean, we're dating, aren't we?"
Why's her face so red? Didn't she walk right into this?
"Yeah. And?"
"Oh forget it. Say, we're actually pretty far away from Axel, huh."
"Yeah? And?"
"Kazuma? Could we head back to the mansion quickly?"
"Why is that?"
"W-well, Aqua wanted me to clean the toilets today since she does it most days…"
Come to think of it, her legs are squeezing against me awfully tightly.
Megumin's POV
This is bad. I already told him that crimson demons don't need to use the toilet so what do I do? It's not too bad right now, but still. I'd rather not walk all the way home.
"Megumin? Do you need to use the washroom?"
"I've told you a million times, crimson demons do not use the washroom!"
Why did I ever say that? To avoid a single moment of slight embarrassment that would've been almost completely pointless?!
"Look, I think I have just enough mana to teleport us home without completely collapsing. Do you want that?"
"R-really? Yes, of course! I thought that it'd be tiring to walk all the way home!"
"You don't seem to have a problem with it normally."
"Yes, but I need to clean the toilets!"
How do I wipe that skeptical look off his face?
"Welp, we're here."
"Uh Kazuma? It's kinda hard to move and I'm also getting kinda hungry."
"What are you suggesting?"
"We've got some leftovers in the cupboard. Just heat them up and set me on a chair, ok?"
I watched as Kazuma stood there, heating our food with tinder. You know what? Maybe I can endure this for long enough to enact my plan…
"Hey Kazuma?"
"Yes, I'm Kazuma."
Action!
"My arms are really numb right now… Can you feed me?"
"Wh-huh? Are you sure you can't move at all? I could use drain touch or something-"
"Forget about it, you don't have much mana yourself. Just do it, Kazuma."
With a sigh, Kazuma put out the fire and brought us our food. I smiled to myself as he shakily took a spoonful of the first bowl of fried rice the Darkness ever made.
"Well? I don't have all day~"
"Yeah, yeah. Sure."
Open my mouth and close my eyes. Wow, this tastes kinda bland… But it's not bad. At least, not… terrible. I think.
"Thank you, Kazuma!"
"N-no problem."
I really like it when he feeds me. I should ask him to do these more wholesome things with me. Still, I can't really ignore this much longer…
"Hey Kazuma?"
"I'm still Kazuma."
"Could you…"
"I thought that crimson demons don't need to-"
"You're right! I was just asking you to speed up since I really don't want you to be that embarrassed! Creep."
Kazuma's POV
Does this girl's pride have no end? She's gonna crack soon, but I'll admit, I'm kind of impressed? Still, even if I tell her to go, she'll probably refuse.
"Hurry it up already!"
"Ok, ok."
She's really fidgety right now… I kinda feel bad now. Well, this won't take too long… There. We're done. Now just to give Megumin an opening…
"I've gotta go get the payout for the slime. Catch ya later!"
"Wait!"
She seems oddly upset.
"I still can't walk, so…"
Ah. Yes. Right.
"I can take you upstairs. If you need me, just call my name."
"How do I move around?"
"Just army crawl or something, if you can."
Taking her upstairs was pretty easy. I'll just head to my room when she's done. Oh, that's the bathroom door slamming. Soon enough…
"Hey Kazuma? Can you-" *thud*
What is that girl doing?! Oh, she just… faceplanted onto the carpet.
"Uh… can you pick me up?"
"Yeah- hang on, your nose is bleeding."
Let's just grab my handkerchief and give that a wipe.
"Create water!"
I watched as Megumin closed her eyes and went slightly red, still wearing a slightly relieved expression.
She's enjoying this.
"This is just like last time, huh? Thanks, Kazuma."
"No sweat."
"Kazuma! We're home! I don't need to pay for that wine, right?"
"No, I guess not. Hey, bring up the jars, I'm gonna put them in my handbag."
"You have a handbag?"
"I learned how to tailor a bit ago and I managed to make a rudimentary handbag. Plus, I wouldn't want you to be pushed up against a backpack filled with glass jars."
I'm just gonna pack it all up and get Megumin on my back. The shop isn't far, so this shouldn't take too long. Maybe we should talk while we're going there.
"Hey Megumin?"
"Yeah?"
"Feeling relieved?"
Ha! Her face is all red right now! I could get used to being on top of things.
"Y-yeah! Now that I'm back up here!"
Well that was unexpected.
"What, did me saying that excite you?"
She's smirking? Well, I can't just take that lying down, now can I?
"Yeah. I'm super turned on right now. I love it how your little breasts-"
"Ok, shut up already!"
Nice try, Megumin! But I'm not one of those stupid manga protagonists! I'm me!
"By the way, I really liked it when you fed me, although it would've been even better if it was your food."
Huh?
"What do you mean by that?"
"I mean your cooking! Your food tastes so amazing! No offense to Darkness, but your cooking has way more flavour than anything she's ever made."
"O-oh. Now that's the case, isn't it?"
Well crap. You win some, you lose some, I guess.