Disclaimer: I do not own CrossCode
Rating: for references to sexual activity (nothing graphic).
A/n: I appreciate there are hardly any fanfics in this fandom so this is likely doomed to obscurity but meh. I thoroughly enjoyed this game but when I got to the end and saw the length of the time skips between the ending, the epilogue, and again between the DLC, my immediate thought was: what did Emilie do for seven months when both of her friends weren't there? And so naturally... Hope you enjoy!
Lea is Not Online
The enormity of the day doesn't hit her when she logs out: she just rubs her eyes tiredly, stands, and stretches before grabbing some food from the kitchen.
As she eats, a housemate comes in.
"Did you do any work today, Emilie?"
She doesn't like this housemate and she hates this question. It's not like she spends all her time playing CrossWorlds. She missed one assignment because she didn't know about it – she obviously wouldn't have logged in if she'd seen the email. But it doesn't matter how many assignments she does on time – this housemate is convinced all she does is play games.
So, she doesn't try to explain about Lea and the Evotars and all the other madness that's happened today. Instead, she says, "All my assignments are done."
She quickly finishes eating and leaves. It's nearly time for bed anyway.
#
She doesn't log in to CrossWorlds immediately the next day – she wants a break and, OK, maybe she has some reading she's not done yet. So, she takes a walk, has coffee with a friend, and does her reading. Once everything in real life is done, she logs in. As she does every time she logs in, she checks whether Lea is online.
She isn't.
Of course Lea isn't online, Emilie realises. That Sergey guy has to convince Instatainment that Lea should be allowed to exist. She won't be online until he does that.
If he-
She refuses to finish that thought. Nerd guy will convince them. She just has to be patient. A few days. She can do that.
C'tron is also offline but Buggy's on, so she calls him and they spend a lovely couple of hours taking down killer plants in Gaia's Garden.
(Buggy attempts to mention Lea but Emilie pretends not to hear and they don't discuss it again. She's not sure why.)
#
One day passes. Then another. Then more and more until a week has gone by.
Lea has not been online once. When Emilie asks the First Scholars, everyone says they've heard nothing. Beowulf tells her that it's being worked on. Buggy teases her about being impatient and she laughs it off but afterwards, she climbs as high as she can up the Bergen Trail, and sits on the cliff edge.
She and Lea came here once. Lea had wanted to explore and for someone so quiet, her enthusiasm was infectious. Emilie remembers the Spheromancer pointing out amusing cloud formations and laughing at the Pentafist's names for them.
Impulsively, she checks her Party list but, of course, Lea is not online and nor, for some reason, is C'tron.
#
"Hey, Emilie?"
She turns. "Oui?"
Charlotte peers at her. "Are you OK?"
She looks at her friend and fellow student. "Oui! Why?"
"You've been quiet."
Emilie shrugs. "I've had a lot on."
"Well, we're going out for drinks later. You in?"
Emilie agrees because she's always up for the pub. For some reason though, she feels a little out of sorts. She's not sure why. Still, she goes and it's fun. Everyone's in high spirits and with the alcohol flowing, everything is ten times funnier than usual. At one point, her friends dare her to dance on the table so she climbs up unsteadily and gets out a few good hops and kicks before toppling off in a fit of laughter.
She thinks 'I should tell Tronny and Lea about this tomorrow' because Hlin gets so annoyed when people jump on tables so, maybe she can convince them to-
"Emilie?" says Charlotte. "Are you OK?"
Everyone's looking at her with concern. She puts a hand to her face; it comes away wet. For a second, she thinks it's blood, but it's oddly transparent.
"Did you hurt yourself?"
"Non, non!" she says quickly. She makes herself smile. "I'm drunk!"
It satisfies everyone except Charlotte. Emilie downs another drink and resolves not to think about CrossWorlds for the rest of the night.
#
Disgustingly early the next day, someone knocks on her door.
"Go away!" she shouts. Her head starts to pound and she wishes she hadn't hit the alcohol quite so heavily.
The door opens anyway and Charlotte, apparently let in by one of Emilie's housemate, walks in. With a sigh, Emilie sits up, wincing as the movement brings on fresh pain. Wordlessly, her friend holds out painkillers and a bottle of water. Emilie takes them.
"Why aren't you hungover?" she asks.
"I drank less than you did," Charlotte says, watching as Emilie downs the pills and water. "That's not why I came though. I wanted to ask if you … want to talk?"
Emilie frowns, then regrets it as a wave of pain hits. "About what?"
Charlotte sits on the end of her bed. "About whatever's been bothering you," she says. "Whatever made you cry last night."
"I'm-"
"Emilie."
Charlotte knows Emilie has been playing CrossWorlds but she's not a video game player herself and Emilie doesn't know if she'd understand. Still, she's one of the nicest people Emilie knows here.
She says, "I'm worried about some friends. One's in danger and I don't know what's happened to the other one."
Charlotte's gaze is focused on her. "What do you mean 'danger'?"
Emilie shrugs. "It's hard to explain. People are trying to help her. I … can't."
"And the one who's missing?"
"Not sure. He said he had stuff going on and nobody's heard from him so I guess he's busy. I haven't got a way to contact him anyway."
"Oh, Emilie." Charlotte hugs her. "That sucks."
"Oui," Emilie says. "It does."
#
Telling Charlotte sort of helps and sort of doesn't. It feels better, to have told someone and to say aloud what's bugging her. But now that she's said it aloud, she can't stop thinking about it.
It's just a game, she reminds herself. She's played plenty of online games before and lost track of friends. Besides, how long did she know Lea and C'tron for? A few weeks, if that. C'tron can make his own decision about when to come back. And Lea-
Lea will be back. She just knows it.
So, she logs in every day, exploring different areas with other guild members, taking on new bosses, making fun of Lukas just because. Hlin tells her about some new sidequests and they're pretty fun. Lots of instanced dungeons and opportunities to punch bosses in the face. She chats to whoever's online and easily loses track of time.
Until one day, she starts a sidequest that isn't instanced – in fact, the game actively encourages you to do it as a team. Schneider and Hlin ask if she wants to do it with them.
"I don't know," she says, bringing up her Party list. "Tronny, Lea, and I usually do these together so I should wai-"
The look of pity from Hlin is almost too much to bear as she closes her Party list. Because Lea, of course, is not online and neither is C'tron.
Still, she says, "I should wait for them to come back. At least C'tron!"
"Of course, dear," Hlin says gently. "Let us know if you change your mind."
#
She has a big assignment to complete so she cuts down on CrossWorlds, logging in maybe once every couple of days. Her friends are surprised – she's not normally so studious – but she laughs them off. Obviously, she needs to work on the assignment. She likes CrossWorlds but it's not her life.
"You know," says Denis as they walk from lectures one day, "it's nice seeing you so much recently."
"What does that mean?!"
He shrugs. He's on her course as well and is usually good for movie and game recommendations. "You were in your house a lot gaming recently. We missed our Emilie-time."
"Come on, I wasn't playing that much!"
He grins. "It's OK, Em. New games are exciting. I said you'd find your balance."
"Mon dieu, does everyone think I'd throw my degree away for a game?!" she says. "I've kept up with everything except one assignment!"
"That's true," he says. "Maybe we were just used to seeing you more before." He pauses. "You've not talked about it for a while though. You're not bored already, are you?"
"Non, non – just got to study!" But she wonders if she'd have cut down so much if Lea was still coming online or even just C'tron. Some nights, she really wants to vent about the awful reading and the stupid assignments to her friends. The First Scholars are nice but none of them listen quite so sympathetically as Lea does. And C'tron would probably tell her the answers which would be useful in itself.
"Well, you're going to ace this assignment, the way you're going," Denis says, jolting her from her thoughts.
She smiles sunnily. "Oui! That's the plan!"
#
Emilie completes the assignment. When she logs in next, the First Scholars throw her a surprise Congratulations party. It occurs to her that she's missed them. She's missed playing the game and seeing everyone.
"You'll be online more now, ja?" asks Schneider and she nods but finds herself looking around the room for Lea. Or C'tron. Neither of whom are here because, of course, neither is online. Her lips thin. This is the sort of experience they would have liked. Especially Lea.
Still. They can throw another party. They will throw another party. One day.
She smiles at the thought before turning to Buggy and wondering if she can get some kind of disco going in here. She has to set some standards for Lea and C'tron's Welcome back party after all.
#
It's been six weeks since Vermillion Wasteland and Lea is not online.
A lot has happened. She passed her assignment with flying colours. She went home for a bit to see her family. She went out drinking again and had a very fun one-night stand that Charlotte and Denis are still gently ribbing her about. She's applying for internships for the summer now, trying to get that all too valuable work experience. And in the game, she's explored what little new content has been released – all the instanced dungeons anyway. She found the PvP fields in Rhombus Square and has spent a few dedicated evenings punching her way through the Arena. She's even played with Joern and Grasshead a few times, making fun of how seriously Apollo takes the game, and feeling a little like an intruder on their dynamic.
But today, it's only after she's logged off that she realises that she didn't check if Lea or C'tron was online. She nearly logs back on to check but it would be futile and she knows it. Lea is not online and nor is C'tron.
It's been six weeks. Longer now that they've been offline than the time she spent with them.
She still misses them.
#
She's definitely playing less than she was before Vermillion Wasteland. She still logs on, still gets excited for new quests, but the rush of excitement isn't as strong as it used to be. She tells herself it's because she's played the main questline as far as she can, because there's only so much you can pummel the same enemies and walk the same tracks before you get bored, but she's not sure that's true. Lea had a knack for exploration and for making it interesting. Nerd boy had a way of making an area come alive with his gross facts. Now, she has neither.
On one session, Schneider sits with her on a bench in Rookie Harbour.
"We were thinking of doing the next part of that hedgehag quest tomorrow," he says. "Want in?"
Emilie frowns. "Hedgehag quest?"
"The one where the hedgehags are taking over …" He trails off at her confused expression. "You were going to do it with me and Hlin? You've done the first part, ja?"
"Non. I was waiting…" She trails off too because it seems stupid. "I've been busy," she says instead.
Schneider rubs the back of his head. "Lea wouldn't get upset, you know."
She shrugs. "It seems stupid to rush it when I can wait for her and Tronny. We can experience it together! They shouldn't lose out."
"Oh Japp," he murmurs under his breath, and she glowers at him. He raises his hands apologetically. "It could be months before we hear anything," he says.
"I know," she says. "But it's a team quest! I don't want them to miss out."
"They might never come back. Emilie, Lea might be erase-"
Emilie stands. "Don't!"
"Emilie-"
She's not in the mood. "Au revoir, Dork Lord."
She logs out.
#
She goes on a date the next day with Sylvie, the cute girl who lives in the student house next door. They watch a film then go roller skating, which Emilie hasn't tried since she was about ten. She falls a lot but she likes how Sylvie's eyes crinkle with her smile whenever Emilie gets back up, so it's worth it.
Afterwards, they sit in the park and eat ice cream. Tentatively, Sylvie puts an arm around her and Emilie leans in, revelling in the weight of that arm, the rise and fall of Sylvie's chest. She hasn't been on a proper date for ages.
"All OK?" Sylvie asks.
"Oui!" Emilie says. "Just thinking."
"Does it hurt?"
Emilie grins despite herself. "You're not funny!" she says and laughs as Sylvie does. When she looks over at her date, she's surprised – and a little pleased – to see Sylvie leaning down, lips slightly parted.
They kiss, slow and sweet. Emilie loses herself in the feeling of soft lips and a gentle hand cupping her face.
"Bien?" Sylvie asks, voice light and teasing.
"Bien!" says Emilie, and reaches up again.
#
That evening though, the conversation with Lukas replays in her head. She remembers the gentle apology in his voice as he started to say that Lea might never come back. That she might be-
Lea is real. Anyone who speaks to her can tell she's a real person, with her own thoughts and feelings. But Emilie can't help thinking how hugging Lea is nothing like hugging someone in real life. Which makes her think how kissing probably feels different too. Lea might never know what it feels like to kiss someone. To hold their hand. To do so much more. It might not even be something Lea is capable of wanting – ultimately, an instant matter body is not a human body.
If they erase her, she'll never-
Before she knows what she's doing, she's logged in to CrossWorlds. Defiantly, she checks who's online and, of course, Lea is not and neither is C'tron.
Buggy starts a D-Link call but she's not in the mood. She remembers what Schneider said, about how it could be months before they hear back. Suddenly, she's wondering – what if it's years? What if it's so long that everything about Emilie is different and Lea is the same, unchanged? What if it's so long that Emilie's given up on the game and Lea awakens to a world where she doesn't know anybody?
She throws herself into a herd of Pincerons but even punching them doesn't bring her satisfaction.
Eventually, she sits by the oasis in Maroon Valley and thinks about how even though it's night in the real world, here it's forever day. To experience night here, you have to go to Sapphire Ridge (and she's not going there alone!). Lea won't get to experience-
She logs off.
#
The pattern continues over the next week. The guild tries to contact her each time she's online and each time, she ignores them. She doesn't know what she's searching for in the game, only that she's not finding it.
After a week – eight weeks since Vermillion Wasteland – monsieur Grasshead corners her. She's not even sure how he found her but he seems completely unsurprised to find her in Autumn's Fall. Joern is nowhere around.
"I have come to challenge you to a duel!" he says very dramatically, finger pointed and scarf flying.
"Go away, Grasshead."
She expects him to splutter but he doesn't. Instead, he sits next to her, a careful distance maintained between them.
"Spheromancer Lea would be very unhappy if she saw you." Emilie looks at him. "She would tell you to get out there to fight for justice!"
"Mon dieu!" Emilie mutters under her breath. "She wouldn't. You'd say that!"
"She would tell you to stop moping and start playing."
The stupid thing is: he's right. Lea would want her to play. If Lea thought she was the cause of Emilie's mood, she'd probably be in tears herself.
She's not ready to give in though so she says, "Everyone's acting like she's taking a short break! Like she'll log in and everything will be the same. Or she's just got stuff on in real life and if she never comes back …"
Apollo nods. "People need hope," he says and it should be dramatic but he's speaking at slightly below room volume, which Emilie assumes is quiet for him. "We cannot worry all day."
"It's not worry!" Emilie snaps. "I'm worried about C'tron – he's not been online for weeks! But he can do what he wants! Lea … can't."
"Do you believe in justice, Pentafist?"
She groans. "Sacrebleu, I don't want to know!"
"Do you believe we fought for justice in Vermillion Wasteland?"
She considers how satisfying it would be to punch Apollo in the face but decides against it. Everyone thinks she's depressed, not violent, and it's probably better to keep it that way.
"I dunno," she says instead. "What that Sidwell guy was doing was wrong. That place was hell!"
"We fought to free them. Because we believed in right and wrong. Justice always prevails, Pentafist." Apollo looks at her. "Spheromancer Lea's fate is out of our hands but I believe justice will prevail. She will return and when she does, she will expect you to have grown. Don't let her down."
"D'accord," she says slowly. "And if justice doesn't prevail?"
Virtual teeth flash white in a grin as he says, "Then we take down those who champion injustice by any means possible! And for that, you must be strong."
Emilie regards him for a few seconds. Slowly, she stands. "D'accord," she says again. A pause. "Merci, Apollo."
He stands too, brushing off dirt that isn't there. "Now, about our duel…"
Her jaw drops open. "Sacrebleu, you can't be serious!"
"I will cancel it if you will join me on a mission. Hedgehags are dealing evil, and Joern and I need a third person to assist with stopping them. Will you join us?"
She gives him a flat look. "You've been speaking to Schneider."
"I have been following the sounds of-"
"I'm in, I'm in! Mon dieu, you never let up, do you?"
He smiles. Despite herself, Emilie smiles back.
#
"You seem happier today."
Emilie looks curiously at Charlotte and Denis, who are inspecting her back. "Pardon?"
"Happy. You. Today."
She makes a rude gesture at Denis. "I'm always happy!" she informs him though she knows that, just as her mood has been foul on CrossWorlds, it's been foul in the real world too.
"But today, you seem happier. And it can't be the paper we have to write."
She glances at the textbooks she's carrying and shudders. She used to like writing essays.
"No reason," she says. "Just happy to be alive!"
Charlotte hesitates. "Is it … your friends?"
"Non. Nothing's changed. I just decided to stop moping!"
"And are you going to call Sylvie?"
Emilie winces. Her slight meltdown occurred the day after her date with Sylvie and while she hasn't ignored the other girl, she wasn't in the mood to really see … anyone.
"I don't think she'll talk to me," she admits. "Probably thinks I'm ghosting her."
And she doesn't know how to explain. She can't explain, not the full story. She hasn't told anyone in CrossWorlds about Sylvie either. If Lea were there, she'd probably tell her but she hasn't tried talking about her personal life with anyone else. Maybe she should. Maybe it'd help.
"You don't know till you try," says Denis.
"True," she says thoughtfully. She grins. "What the hell? Let's do it!"
#
"So, it did not go as you hoped?" says Beowulf.
Emilie leaps carefully from one rock to another. "Nope!"
Beowulf watches as Schneider leaps after her. He claims he's already got the chest in this area but Emilie thinks he's just too dignified to jump on bamboo shoots. Emilie waves to him but he doesn't wave back.
"You're being awfully upbeat about it," Schneider says.
Emilie shrugs, nearly mistimes her next jump, and swears as she just about sticks the landing. Beowulf raises an eyebrow while Schneider guffaws.
"Thing is," she says, looking around for a hint of where to go next, "if it was just because I barely spoke to her for a week, I wouldn't mind. But she didn't even give me a chance to explain! Just said she'd heard I played a lot of games and if those were more important…" She finds a small ledge and hops up. "A friend told her about Lea and Tronny afterwards. She tried to take back what she said. But I was kind of like, well, if she's going to assume I was just playing games, why should I try again?"
Beowulf nods sagely. Schneider rubs his chin thoughtfully. "But you liked this girl, ja?"
She thinks for a moment of the softness of Sylvie's lips, the gentle pressure of her fingertips on Emilie's cheek, the crinkle of her eyes. "Oui," she says. "But at least give me a chance to explain, you know?"
"Two talkative people in a relationship would be a bad idea," Beowulf agrees.
Emilie makes a rude gesture at him, earning another guffaw from Schneider. She leaps again and falls onto the ground, near a Sun Beetle. Wordlessly, Beowulf attacks and kills it. Emilie grins at him, earning a nod back.
"So," she says to Schneider. "How's your love life?"
He groans and launches into a story of a disastrous date he went on recently. Emilie nods along. She likes this, she thinks. She likes talking to the rest of the guild and really getting to know them. And it takes her mind off her last conversation with Sylvie, which ended in some very icy words and expressions from the other girl.
She doesn't check her Party list for the entire conversation, even though she thinks Lea would find all of this hilarious and C'tron would probably get flustered.
But they're not online.
She knows that.
#
Somehow, it hits three months since Lea's last day online. She doesn't say anything to her friends in the real world, doesn't even give away that her mind is elsewhere but when she logs in, she goes immediately to the First Scholars' HQ. Beowulf is patiently waiting for her.
"There's no update," he says and she can't help deflating a bit. There's something gentle in his eyes. "I check frequently, Emilie. I will tell you as soon as I hear anything."
"Oui, I know," she says. "Merci," she adds belatedly.
Despite what Beowulf said, she checks her Party list. Hlin, Apollo, and Joern are online. Buggy and Schneider are not. C'tron is not. And Lea, of course, is not online.
She goes to the spot where she and Tronny helped Lea defeat the Hologram Frobbit in Autumn's Fall and then sits nearby, not wanting to disrupt new Seekers from their game. She, Tronny, and Lea came here before the raid to get Lea the Green Shade. Before everything went haywire.
It's strange. The three months have felt like the longest time in the world and like no time at all. She's been on a date and lost the girl she liked. She's secured an internship for the summer. She's taken up roller skating, despite the association with Sylvie. She's gotten to know Apollo and Joern a bit better. Gotten to know the rest of the First Scholars. Explored the crevices of CrossWorlds. Won a cup in the Arena. Gotten horribly, terribly used to playing without Lea and C'tron.
It's that thought that makes her walk to the cliff edge and look down at the water. Quietly, checking there's nobody around, she says, "I miss you guys."
She chucks two Season Apples even though they just disappear into the ether and don't fall into the water. Then she logs out for the day. She'll play in earnest tomorrow.
#
"Go left, dear."
Emilie darts left, narrowly dodging a burst of flame. She gasps out a thanks while silently thinking Hlin could stand to be a bit less polite. Then she dashes forwards, using a Dash Art.
The boss is effectively a giant snowman. She can almost hear Tronny's complaints about the implausibility of a snowman shooting fire but nobody else comments because nobody other than Tronny ever gets bothered by things like this.
If he comes back online, she'll redo this boss with him, she decides. She wants to hear his stupid commentary.
#
"Why don't you ever talk about that game anymore?"
Emilie sits back and shoots a disbelieving look at Charlotte. "When I talk about the game, everyone tells me I play too much!"
"You don't play that much," says someone else.
"I know! Why are you asking anyway?"
"I just find it weird you have this whole other virtual life and friends that we know nothing about now."
For a moment, she thinks about telling them they could play as well but she actually likes the set-up she has now. So, she smiles and takes a swig of Charlotte's drink, sniggering at her look of outrage.
"It's super cool so you'd never understand it," she says. "It's better than the next assignment anyway."
There's a rumble of agreement. Emilie sits back, smiling. For the first time in a long time, she realises she feels content.
Mostly.
#
And then one day, about fifteen weeks after Vermillion Wasteland, she logs in and immediately receives a call on her D-Link from Hlin.
"Bonjour?" she says, still trying to remember exactly where she logged off.
"Come to headquarters."
"Why? Is something wrong?"
"Sergey is going to contact us any minute now. He has an update on-"
But Emilie's already ended the call and teleported to Autumn's Rise.
#
"I'm here!" she says as she bursts into the meeting room. "Did he call already?!"
Hlin, standing by the projector, smiles her gentle smile at her. "Not yet, dear," she says, like this isn't horribly nerve-wracking. "We're still waiting."
"He should contact us any minute now," Beowulf adds.
Heart thumping, Emilie sits on one of the seats around the table, opposite Schneider. Buggy sits next to him, looking unusually serious for once.
Before Emilie can even think that the wait will be hell, the projector flickers on, and Sergey appears, looking just as he did over three months ago. Is that a good sign? He seems … not distraught.
"Hello, everyone," he says, voice quiet and mild and giving nothing away.
"Good day, Sergey," Beowulf replies.
"It is good to see you again," Sergey says. Now, he looks thoughtful – maybe even perturbed. Is that a bad sign? "It has been quite some time…"
She can't stand it anymore. "Bonjour!" she says. "Let's cut to the chase! What about Lea?"
Sergey closes his eyes and Emilie feels sick. "Well…" He looks up, eyes snapping open. "I have great news to share." He smiles. "Instatainment agreed on a research project within the Playground! We will be able to get Evotars back in the game in a few months."
For a split second, nobody reacts. Emilie stands, sure she's misheard, or that there's a catch. "Do-does this mean…?"
"Yes," Sergey says, smiling, "Lea will return!"
Euphoria, giddiness, relief spills through her. Unable to contain it, she jumps on the table, jumping up and down, muting herself so that her cheers only deafen her housemates (who yell at her to keep it down) and not the guild as well.
Lea is coming back.
Lea is coming back.
"Dear," Hlin says, actually sounding annoyed, "please get off the table!"
But she keeps jumping, unmutes herself, then realises she's so relieved, she's crying. Hlin guides her off the table and hugs her as she sobs.
"I thought she wasn't coming back," she whispers, knowing now that she's thought that for a long time. "I was so worried!"
Hlin rubs her back. "I know, dear," she murmurs. "I know."
#
There's a knock on the door, followed by a worried, "Emilie?"
Bemused, tears still running down her face, she steps away from the Cross Gear and opens her bedroom door to find all of her housemates outside, looking very concerned. Even the one she doesn't like very much.
"Ou-Oui?" she chokes out.
Her housemates look at each other. Tentatively, one says, "We thought we heard cheering but then it sounded like crying and we weren't sure if you were OK." A pause, seeing the snot and tears mixing on Emilie's face. "Are you OK?"
She nods. "Oui. I…" She considers just leaving it as 'I got some good news' but Lea is more than 'good news'. She says, "My friend's been nearly dead for months. I just found out she's going to recover. It'll take a few months but she'll be OK!"
Expressions of shock and even guilt cross her housemates' faces. One says, "Oh, Emilie. That's wonderful!"
Another, the one she doesn't like, says, "Why didn't you say anything? We had no idea."
"I didn't know how to explain," she says honestly. She smiles and rubs her eyes. "I'm just so happy!"
The first one smiles at her. "You should be. But don't keep that to yourself again!" A brief hug. "You can talk to us, OK?"
"D'accord," she says and lets herself be hugged.
#
Her mood the next day is so joyous, so light and free, that everyone comments on it. Several of her friends and professors ask if she's on drugs, which she'd be offended by if she weren't so happy. Instead, she laughs and says no, before almost skipping off to her next lecture.
When her friends ask, she tells them what she told her housemates. Their reactions are similar – they're pleased for her but exasperated, bemused, and a little offended that she didn't tell them. Charlotte stands up for her, saying Emilie's not the type of person to want pity. Her friends accept that, though some still look a little hurt.
"Is that what's been bothering you these past few months?" Denis asks in a quiet moment. Emilie nods. Denis is clearly sharper than she thinks because he says, "Someone in CrossWorlds?"
"Oui," she says. "She was the first person I met there. We played together whenever we could. And then one day … I was told she wouldn't be online. And that she might … die."
He smiles. "Maybe I'll try to get a Cross Gear. It'd be good to meet her."
Emilie thinks of Lea and how much she seems to love playing with people even if she can't speak. Suddenly, the idea of introducing Lea to even more people, giving her more friends, seems appealing.
"Do it!" she says. "You'll love Lea. I promise!"
He grins at her and she smiles back.
#
(After, Charlotte asks about her other friend, the one that's gone missing. For the first time, her smile slips.
"Still nothing," she says.
Charlotte rubs her shoulder comfortingly and she lets herself accept that sympathy.)
#
"You're going to ask me this every day, aren't you?" Beowulf says.
Emilie smirks. "Of course. I want Lea back!"
Beowulf shakes his head. "A few months means a few months, Emilie."
She sighs. "I don't understand what they have to do. Just put her back in the game!"
Now, Beowulf smiles slightly. "They are making a new area for the Evotars. You would like Lea to have somewhere to sleep and take time out, I assume?"
She stares at Beowulf for a second. Then she flings herself forwards and hugs him, earning some very startled noises.
"Merci!" she says. "Merci!"
#
(But amidst the joy and the jokes and the general feeling of Lea is coming back, she checks her Party list. Lea, of course, is not online but neither is C'tron. And nobody knows what's happened to him.)
#
Time passes quicker, somehow. She didn't realise how preoccupied she'd been with worrying about Lea until she no longer has to do it. Everyone comments on her mood, both in the game and outside it.
Still, she plays less than she did before. It's partly because she has exams coming up in the real world and additional assignments to complete, but when Lukas asks her about it, she admits it's also deliberate.
"When Vermillion Wasteland happened, Lea and I were the same level," she says. "If I get too powerful, it won't be fun for her to play with me. Remember, Dork Lord? That's what you said!"
"I remember." Lukas grins. "You've really missed her, ja?"
She stares at him. "Of course! Haven't you?"
He laughs. "Come on, Buggy wants to see what happens if you kill a thousand Frobbits in one streak."
Slightly bemused, she follows.
(C'tron is still not online.)
#
Her exams pass in a caffeine-fuelled haze. Lukas keeps in contact via email, just to assure everyone that she's OK.
When she returns, there's another party – but this time, Apollo and Joern are invited, and she finds she's glad Annoying as Grasshead is, they've both wormed their way into her heart.
In a quiet moment, she checks her Party list, even though everyone is here. Lea is not online (and Beowulf has stopped listening to her requests for an update) and C'tron-
C'tron isn't there.
She checks and double-checks but he just isn't there. Concerned, she calls Lukas over.
"Holero!"
"Bonjour! What does it mean if someone who was on my Party list isn't there anymore?"
He shrugs. "They might have blocked you. Or deleted their account." He pauses. "Is it C'tron?"
"How did-"
"He disappeared yesterday and Hlin says he's not showing as a member of the guild. Probably deleted his account."
"Oh," she says, not sure how to respond. She guesses C'tron must be OK but … why did he delete his account? Why didn't he say goodbye first? She thought they were friends.
"Em?" Lukas says. "Alles gut?"
"Huh? Oh. Yeah." She shakes her head, because if Tronny doesn't care enough to even say goodbye, she isn't going to waste any more time worrying about him. "Come on," she says determinedly. "Let's party!"
#
She thought she'd have more time for CrossWorlds after her exams finished but her friends want to take advantage of their now free time and she finds herself joining in. There's something great about being at college with nothing to do but laze around the city, go to parties, sit and talk. Something relaxing about just being.
She still logs in though and although she tries to stick to her policy of not levelling up until Lea is back, she finds herself being drawn into weird chest chases and dungeon explorations with the others. She's heard a new area will be released soon and part of her hopes it's not too soon because she doesn't want to test whether she'd do it without Lea and-
Without Lea.
She feels somehow impatient. They still don't know when Lea will be coming back and that's almost worse than not knowing if she'll come back. What if they change their minds? What if Lea comes back with amnesia again and doesn't know Emilie? What if Emilie's forgotten much of Lea and the Lea who comes back-
She's overthinking it.
She goes to find something to virtually punch.
#
She visits her family, since her internship is in the same city as her college so it will be her only opportunity to see them for a while. Her cousin gets engaged and Emilie finds herself being drafted in as a bridesmaid; her mother meanwhile buys fifty bananas because they were on offer, and makes them give them out to everyone they know – apparently and thankfully, all of her cousin's potential bridesmaids are fair game. All in all, it means she doesn't log on for about a week or so. When she does eventually do so, keen to do a particularly tricky sidequest, she's surprised to be quickly ambushed by Beowulf.
"Bonjour!" she says, blinking at him. "What's going on?"
He's as stoic as always. "Do you have anything you urgently need to do in game?"
"Non. Why?"
"Instatainment would like your view on something."
Emilie blinks. "Pardon?"
"It relates to Lea."
"Oh. Why didn't you say so?"
Beowulf sighs and asks her to follow him, so she obediently runs after him through Autumn's Rise, asking questions all the way. Eventually, they get to the part of Pathway 5 where you can't proceed further. She looks around curiously but Beowulf keeps going through the barrier.
"You have access too," he says, and after a second, Emilie dashes after him.
The new area looks much like the rest of Autumn Rise except it's basically one path going up and-
"Laser bridge!"
Beowulf raises an eyebrow. "I'd think you're used to them by now."
"You can't get used to laser bridges!" she informs him. Then she looks up past the bridge and sees-
"Is that a town?"
Now, a smile tugs Beowulf's lips. "Sort of. This is Homestedt. It's going to be Lea's new home."
She looks again at the structure. It looks warm. Friendly.
"What are we waiting for?" she says. "Let's go!"
Beowulf nods and strides off. Once again, Emilie dashes after him, through the gate and into Homestedt.
They emerge into a small village. She can see already that it's not finished – there's a slightly glitchy market in the south-west of the village, random platforms that seem to go nowhere, and quite a few oddly designed houses – but what's there looks nice. Like a quaint little town, decorated with flowers and near a small lake. She follows Beowulf up through the area to a large building that she's informed she can't go in yet. Outside the building is Lukas.
"Holero!" he says. "They want your view too, huh?"
"Oui!" She pauses. "Not sure what on."
Beowulf shrugs. "You know Lea best and Schneider-"
"Knows what I like." He grins at Emilie. "They want us to tell them if they think the Evotars will like this place. And to look at where Lea and … doppel me will live."
He looks a bit uncomfortable as he says that. They've never really talked about there being a copy of Lukas on the server. Someone who must be more than just a piece of software if he's like Lea.
But before she can think of something to say, he says, "Beowulf, what d'you want first?"
Beowulf tells them to walk around the village for a bit, listening to their suggestions. He explains that only certain people will be able to access Homestedt, to give the Evotars some privacy.
Lukas seems oddly focused on things like gnomes and home comforts; Emilie thinks some chests and little nooks and crannies to explore will make it more fun. Then they go to the house Lea will live in.
It's already partially decorated. A small kitchen; a living room with a bookcase, a picture, a sofa and red carpet; a tiny bedroom. There's even a living room upstairs with a TV.
"Shizuka gave them some ideas," Beowulf says from behind her. Emilie jumps and turns. Beowulf shrugs. "They thought she would know best."
Emilie only met Shizuka once and honestly, if it wasn't for the fact they looked so alike, she wouldn't have guessed Lea was Shizuka's Evotar. Whereas Lea is expressive, enthusiastic and cuddly, Shizuka struck her as very no-nonsense and harsh. Still, as she looks around the small house, she can't deny that everything Shizuka has picked is something she can see Lea appreciating.
But she can still think of more things she can imagine Lea liking. A fireplace in the living room to make it homey. A wardrobe in her bedroom and a small desk. A pot plant. A coffee table in the living room.
Beowulf seems to be noting all of Emilie's suggestions. Then she says, "Hey, uh, doesn't Lea get a bathroom?"
Lukas sniggers. Beowulf says, "Do you believe that Evotars need to use the bathroom?"
She's honestly not thought about it before. "Well, why a kitchen then? How's she supposed to cook?"
"You eat consumable items in the game."
"Oui, but they don't taste of anything! And you don't cook them!"
Beowulf just shrugs and ushers them out, towards Lukas's Evotar's house. Lukas looks uncomfortable again, glancing at Emilie, and Emilie realises that Lukas prefers to comment on this alone.
"Hey, I got to go," she says. "My housemate's been yelling for the last five minutes about it being my turn to clean."
Beowulf nods. "Very well. Thanks. You should log off outside here – there's no teleporter here yet and Instatainment may need to lock this place down to implement more changes."
After that, she has no option but to leave and log off, so she does. Ironically, she realises she needs the bathroom. Then she's hungry. As she makes herself a sandwich, she remembers her concern from a few months ago, about all the experiences Lea can never have. Suddenly, everything she picked in Homestedt feels stupid. What's the point of a wardrobe when Lea will have no clothes she can hang? A desk for notes she'll never write? Books she'll never read?
She itches to log back on, to talk to someone about it, but she can't.
(She wants to talk to Tronny because Tronny would understand. But.)
She goes for a run to take her mind off it.
She can't wait for all of this to be over.
#
By the next day, Emilie's mood is much better. Lea, she realises, will probably love having a space to call her own even if it's filled with things she can't necessarily use. And who knows? Maybe Instatainment will be able to change that in the future.
When she logs back on, Lukas is waiting for her. Without discussing it, they start wandering together. At first they make small talk, crack jokes, comment on the nearby enemies.
Then Lukas says, "I have to meet him, don't I?"
She doesn't ask who he means. "Oui," she says.
He runs a hand through his hair. "Is it weird that I'm nervous?"
She tries to imagine what it would be like to meet herself in a game. It feels weird.
"Non!" she says. "Not at all!"
"What if I don't like him?"
She makes herself smirk. "You'll know how the rest of us feel."
He shoves her into a nearby pond. When she re-materialises, he's smiling.
#
They aren't allowed back into Homestedt. Emilie feels like there's a countdown now. She starts her internship and the distraction stops her from getting too antsy. Some days, she's just excited; others, she's anxious that something will go wrong.
It's weird, she thinks. She only knew Lea for a few weeks and yet…
Her internship goes well – she likes the work, likes doing something useful and feeling like a proper adult. Some of her friends are also still around so she hangs around with them. But with each day that passes, she waits for the call. The one that says Lea is coming back. That Lea is online.
#
(She checks, stupidly, for C'tron, but he is still gone.)
#
But one day, one day, she logs on and Beowulf tells her that in three days' time, Lea will be put back online. They've already put Satoshi back in the game and want to add some finishing touches.
Three days.
She's never appreciated before how long three days actually is. Or even how long a minute or a second is, because each one of those seems to last a lifetime. Her internship supervisor comments on her clockwatching and she has to apologise. Her friends say she's unusually on edge. In CrossWorlds, the guild laugh at her because whenever she's free, she logs on and asks if there's any possibility that actually, Lea's coming online sooner.
Three days.
It's a long time.
#
On the day itself, Emilie logs on an hour early and heads to Homestedt. Beowulf is waiting and patiently takes her on another tour of the village, which definitely looks finished now. She's gratified to see a few chests around the place; she's even more gratified when she poke her head into Lea's house and sees that not only did they accept all of her suggestions but they look good.
Hlin joins them halfway through and then they stand outside the town hall and wait. Lukas and Buggy are running late apparently due to some real life commitments they couldn't cancel, while Joern and Grasshead are on vacation. Apparently, Satoshi and Sergey need to run some tests and make sure Lea comes back correctly. It sounds so bizarre that Emilie almost sniggers but then she worries that maybe something will go wrong.
Hlin and Beowulf are talking. Emilie taps her foot impatiently. It's been seven months, she thinks. In seven months, she's finished another year of college. Started an internship. Been on dates, learned to roller skate again, gotten to know Joern and Apollo and the First Scholars. She's discovered how good a friend Charlotte and Denis both are. She's been drafted as a bridesmaid for a wedding next year. She's lost C'tron. She's beaten several arena cups and explored every inch of the Bergen Trail and Autumn Rise. She's done all of this but there are so many sidequests and views and bosses and jokes she wants to share with Lea. New races and challenges and snarky expressions and enemy marathons. And she's so close.
Impatiently, she brings up her menu.
"Hi!"
She jumps and turns. "LEA!" she shouts before running forwards and catching her friend in a bonecrushing hug. "Chérie! Finally you're back! It felt like forever!"
In their embrace, Lea squeezes tighter, looking close to tears as she nods.
Emilie's arms tighten.
"I missed you sooo much!" she says even though that doesn't adequately explain how she feels. "Things were just not the same without you…"
Lea squeezes tighter, before Hlin welcomes her back and reluctantly, the Spheromancer lets go to dash forwards and hug Hlin.
Emilie brings up her Party list, smiling through barely contained tears at what she sees there.
Lea is online.
Finally.
Fin