Chapter 6- Emergency Use Authorization
"Well you look like shit…Will." It was after 2am now, Will having stumbled onto Hailey's front door quite literally. For the whole two hours of silent misery she'd been sitting on the couch, twiddling her thumbs while death gripping her phone for it to alert her of something. She couldn't move, couldn't fathom calling anyone from the team to spill what was going on. It's not like she had the full picture of everything so it made no sense to ring the midnight fire alarm. Certainly the tears and fears and awful thoughts of the worst danced in her mind during this time, along with images of Jay in much happier times. A few times she called out for him, thinking she could summon fake Jay to talk her off the proverbial ledge. But whatever was going on with the real Jay was so big that it was preoccupying both the real and fake person for either of them to come visit her. So when Will's giant thud bounced against her door part of her was relieved for the terrifying sound. Unlike the last time Will came calling in the early hours of the morning, Hailey kept the gun locked away in it's safe.
"Will," she called to him again, watching with pure fear as he was zoned out, focused on something, or nothing, just standing in the doorway while aimlessly rubbing his sore shoulder.
"You're really starting to scare me." Hailey reached out, touching his arm and gently yanking it into the apartment. That was the thing to finally snap him out of things. Will's eyes went wide, shaking his head before mumbling something about being so sorry and tired. Hailey noted the red eyes, the puffy eyelids and just exhausted state of Will. Jay was in trouble, that much was obvious.
"Can you tell me what happened?" Will made it to crossing the threshold before stopping once more, Hailey wanted to slap his ass she was so over waiting. But instead she pulled at his coat, sliding it off of Will as he kicked off his shoes.
"Let's go sit on the couch," he told her, walking before he was even finished. Perhaps Will was the drugged one, the super drunk one out of the two of them. He was closer to being a zombie than human, Hailey didn't bother asking if he wanted to drink for fear that that would knock him out. Hailey followed him to the couch, claiming her end while Will took the opposite. Hailey sat in a way that she wasn't looking out towards the TV, but straight in the direction of Will. Will meanwhile was facing the TV, staring at the black screen before jumping at absolutely nothing, now a very fake smile plastered on his face as he found Hailey.
"Will, you're officially scaring me," she calmly yet nervously noted. Will sighed, the fake happiness fading as he let things out. He took a pause, glanced down at his socks before looking up and starting.
"Well, uuummmm. I don't…really know how to say this." Hailey just nodded, swallowing as she folded her arms into her chest.
"I just met with Jay's ICU doctor. The one who's going to take over his care tomorrow." Hailey inhaled, trying her best to take it all in stride.
"Okay, I guess that's good, right? It means he passed the third Covid test and can get moved." Will held a hand up, shaking his head as he cut her off.
"Oh, but I wasn't finished. I also met with the head of the hospital's transplant committee whose also the head transplant surgeon." Will was quick to stop at that, seeming to be holding back a burp or round of vomit from coming out. But in his quick pause Hailey gasped quite loud, the once folded arms now clasping her mouth as her eyes went huge. Breathing was now becoming quite hard.
"Oh God. Oh God, oh Lord, Will. No." Will could only nod. The two of them allowed the silence to fill them, stop them from doing anything else. Oddly enough, neither one of them cried. Hailey was too shocked to do anything over than avoid passing out while Will was quite proud of himself for getting through that without lashing out at something. It was strange, verbalizing the bombshell news to someone. For the last two hours it had been told to him and run through his head thousands of times. But to now actually say it and hear himself doing that kind of put everything into gear. It really was going to be something happening to Jay, their person.
"What…how….holy shit," Hailey finally spilled out, Will nodded, clearing his throat before starting up again.
"Both the ICU doctor and transplant surgeon said we have a very small window where he's a good candidate for surgery. They said we could try other treatments but by then he'll be too sick to get approved. Based on the last scope and the fact that his blood oxygen keeps slipping is a sign that Covid and the infection have done irreversible damage to his lungs." Will chose to leave out the whole part about Jay dying and him having only a couple months left if he didn't get the transplant. Best to keep Hailey's hope alive as long as he could.
"Did you see him," she eventually whispered?
"Yeah…yeah, after they told me everything. That's why I'm so late. I cried… a lot. I held his hand. I finally got to listen to his lungs for the first time and…"
"And what?"
"They're bad. Definitely the worst I've ever heard." Hailey reached over, placing a hand on his arm as the emotions tried to slip out of Will. He shook his head, said something about not losing it right then. Will then placed his hand on Hailey's, looking at her and watching as the tears welled up in her eyes.
"And this was all in the course of two weeks. It's all the Covid stuff. That's all it took to trash his lungs." Will nodded.
"This is a bitch of a virus and Jay's case was certainly the worst anyone has seen up to this point."
"Damn," Hailey trailed off.
"Yeah." Again, more silence, disbelief, just very raw emotions and shock filled the space. They sat there for five, six minutes doing nothing but trying to not make the other one cry. But their efforts were in vain, eventually both of them were apologizing as they wiped tears away.
"I really wish I could see him," Hailey said.
"I know. I feel like it would help him if he knew it was someone else besides me with him. But rules are rules."
"Well they suck," made Will chuckle. At last, humor and something normal returned to that apartment.
"So, what's the course of action? Do they just sign him up for this?"
"No, there's a lot of testing, scans, approvals that need to happen before he could get put on a transplant list."
"This is just insane," Hailey spoke while holding her head in her hands, voice muffled a bit from the smooshed hands on her lips.
"Yeah, no kidding."
"Has this ever been done on a Covid patient? I know we're still early in this whole thing…but has it?"
"Nope, he'd be the first." Hailey sighed, slowly nodding as she twirled her bottom lip with a finger.
"Well, he always has a way of making things dramatic."
"Aint that the truth." Hailey rolled her eyes, sitting up a little more. It was amazing how accepting she was of all of this. Sure, she was still in shock and waiting to wake up from this whole nightmare, but somehow she was able to both feel all of it and still move forward. Jay needed a transplant and they were going to do everything to help him get to that point. What a crazy year 2020 was turning out to be. It was at this exact moment that the lightbulb went off in her mind, the little conversation she had with fake Jay way earlier in the day. This was the crazy thing Will was going to tell her. Did she really know it was coming? Was that why she was able to so easily move on with it all? She truly didn't know the answer, but before she could think about it she just spilled her mind to Will.
"So this is what Jay was talking about." Will scrunched his brow, literally making a confused sound before looking right at her. She could only shrug.
"This is going to sound insane, I'm well aware. But Jay…ugh…he's been visiting me." Hailey looked away from the couch and at Will, who looked genuinely surprised but allowed her to continue.
"Ever since he's been in the hospital. He came one time when I was in the shower, today when I was driving to work, and I swear I've seen him a couple other times. But today he told me that you were going to tell me something crazy and that I should let you do it. Does this make me crazy?" Will thought about it, or really how to answer, before shaking his head.
"No, I don't think so. When we go through extreme trauma, or just a lot of trauma, our brains just have their own way of processing things. He comes to you as a full vision?"
"Yeah, like he's standing right in front of me."
"Hm. Well, I think it's just that we've all been through a lot and this is just your way of processing things. But that's very interesting that he told you what was coming."
"Well, he didn't say what it was exactly, just that you were going to talk to me." Will nodded.
"Now this is going to sound crazy, but that actually helps me. If this imaginary Jay told you to let me do it, I have to take that as some kind of signal that he'd want me to sign off on this."
"Why wouldn't you?"
"It's not that I wouldn't, just that this is a huge, massive, super serious thing to have to make a decision on and I have no way of telling him or asking if he's okay with me telling surgeons to remove his lungs. His lungs, Hailey. That's not something you just agree to right away." He did have a point, Hailey had to admit.
"So what did you tell them?"
"That I'd think it over tonight and call in the morning. Which is in a few hours so we should probably get some rest." Hailey looked down at her phone, noting how close it was to 3am now. As much as she wanted to poke Will's mind about lung transplants and all other things that Jay was about to undergo, sleep stepped in right then and told both of them it was time to call it a day. Will was the first to stand, stretching himself before turning to offer Hailey a hand in helping her get up, which she accepted. Almost out of habit now, Hailey used his offer to get her up as a way for the two of them to hug. Hailey jokingly smirked as she wrapped Will up in a hug. He chuckled while accepting her gesture, the two of them sighing as they felt it all once more. Just when they thought things were in the clear, yet another mountain range lay at their feet.
"We'll get him through this," both almost said in unison, making them laugh over their stupid in-sync selves.
"Okay, we've got to sleep," Will pulled away with.
"I want to be there right after rounds and you have work." Ugh, work, it was amazing how quickly Hailey went from being elated to getting back out there to now wanting nothing to do with it all. Jay needed her so badly right now, the very last thing she wanted to do was solve someone else's problems. But knowing her person, he'd much rather have her out there doing her thing while he figured out his own problems. So for that alone, she knew she had to start the day at the job rather than sitting outside Med.
"Don't remind me," she replied. The two of them eventually made it to their own separate spaces, taking things one step at a time at a very sloth like pace. Will was the first to reach his room, Hailey standing in her room listening his door close before noting the thud of a body falling onto the mattress. Unlike all the other times that bad news came her way, Hailey chose tonight to actually ready herself for bed instead of just passing out in jeans. If she was being honest, jeans were not comfortable to sleep in. Plus, not brushing your teeth puts the grossest film all over your mouth the next morning.
She got lost in the spellbinding sound that was running water. As the water warmed up for her to run a washcloth through, her eyes brought her to the little cup to the left of the sink with the two toothbrushes housed there. She couldn't help but smirk, her mind bringing her back to the exact moment of those little items. Toothbrushes are such a common commodity that no one ever thinks of them, outside of when you need to actually use it. But for Hailey it was a symbol of letting someone in, which was a huge step for her. She could feel the mood of the bar, smell the aroma of expensive boos, sweaty patrons, and cheap perfume and cologne on those trying to score a one nighter.
"What is that," Jay chuckled as Hailey handed him the Christmas themed bag. It was the only bag she could grab from her gift wrapping stash.
"Just a little something," she replied, pushing the bag to Jay's side of the table. Jay polished off the rest of his drink before taking her strange, unexpected gift. One eyebrow was definitely cocked as he pulled the paper out of the bag, gingerly reaching in as he kept chuckling.
"Please don't let this be gross. If something jumps out of here I'm gone so fast."
"Shut up," she joked while reaching across the table to lovingly slap him. He darted away from her, saying something about being able to bruise easily before he found the item he was searching for.
"It's…a toothbrush?! You know, one can never have enough of these," he teased, looking back at her for some kind of explanation. Aside from the fact neither of them had talked about moving in or making slumber parties a nightly thing, Hailey had managed to buy him a Peppa Pig toothbrush. She couldn't help but laugh.
"If only you could see your face," she spoke between belly laughs.
"Help me out here," he shot back, still very perplexed about the whole thing and was starting to get a tad embarrassed that all this was happening in public. Hailey collected herself, taking a breath before explaining the whole gag/memento.
"Sure, you have a toothbrush, but it's at your place. I want you to have something at mine." A coy smile crept out of the corner of Jay's mouth as Hailey blushed epically. She could not believe she was doing this. Never had she had this much trust in someone that she asked them to stay at her place and keep their own things in her bathroom.
"Well what is a Peppa Pig anyway," Jay joked.
"I don't know. All the kids like it. It's some pig with a British accent."
"Oh, so you see me as a pig?" Hailey was much quicker this time in smacking Jay's arm. He over exaggerated his 'ouch,' smiling and laughing as she shrugged her shoulders.
"This is very sweet and yes, I will accept your…fun gift, and use it when I'm there." She then leaned across the table, closing her eyes as lips went to meet his.
And that was when she snapped out of her daydream, whole body shuttering at how long she'd been standing there doing absolutely nothing, other then waiting for the water to get warm. Now back in real time, she realized the temperature was near scalding. Now the cold water was turned on, things eventually reaching her ideal setting. Face was washed shortly after and teeth brushed and hair pulled back before she shut off the bathroom light and closed the door.
In the closet she paused on his section. It wasn't split fifty/fifty, but then again what closet was. She took up most of the space, leaving Jay with a couple shelves and a very small hanging space. Hailey smirked, looking at how neat all his space was compared to hers. Everything was folded tight and neat, perfect stacks of clothing while all her stuff was strewn all over the place. In a very humors way, it was how she saw the two of them. Jay was the stable, consistent one that had everything together while she was the hot mess of the relationship. Hailey grabbed one of his white t-shirts. She needed to feel him in any way that she could. Pulling it over her head she smelled the linger scent of him, closing her eyes and being overly stimulated by it all. She also felt a little silly to be turned on by a shirt, but then again she really, really missed her person; was truly feeling for him and wishing there was some way to rescue him from it all. Grabbing shorts and putting them on, Hailey was out of the closet and tucking herself into the bed.
"Goodnight, Jay," she spoke to the room, hoping the message got to him tonight. No more surprises, she wanted to add. Make it through the night and stay strong through the day, she finished with. The lights were turned off and she was on her side. Sleep was going to come so easily, after all it was well past her bedtime.
But that wasn't the case. She tossed and turned, loudly exhaling and groaning as she tried to get comfortable. Hailey couldn't shake the idea of some part of Jay having to leave him, that it was literally killing him as they all lived and breathed. Will hadn't said it, but she kind of got the gist of things. This transplant was a last ditch effort. If Jay didn't get approved then they were looking at all kind of grim decisions. Part of her was okay with it: cut out the damaged to save the good. It all made sense, the lungs had done their part and their time had come to a close; the rest of him still had some living to do. But the lungs, she kept going back to, they were so vital, crucial, like a huge massive part of him. She then wondered that if he did make it all the way to surgery, would he come out the other side of things still being him. She couldn't help but question if all of this would change, would he become another version of Jay that she didn't love anymore, or vice versa. This went on for at least another hour, the final straw was her swearing she felt a body in the bed next to her. For a split seconds her heart got excited, arm outstretching to that side thinking someone was there. She almost called his name again, but the coolness of an empty side put a stop to all that.
"That's it. And this is so stupid," she spoke to herself as she got out of bed. She kept telling herself this was a totally normal thing to ask, that it didn't mean anything romantic or violated any kind of promise to Jay.
"This is ridiculous," she told herself a final time as she was at Will's door. She didn't bother knocking, just flung the door open and stood there.
"Hey, are you also up?" Will was quick to roll onto his back, stretch himself before turning the bedroom light on. Based on the disheveled hair and baggy eyes and how alert he was, it appeared neither of them had gotten any rest yet.
"Yeah, I can't sleep." Hailey nodded, inhaling before just letting it out in great haste.
"I mean this in a totally friendly, not sexual way at all and you can totally say no, but can you come sleep with me?" Will just stared at her dumbfounded. He thought he wasn't doing well, but this was a whole other thing he didn't see coming.
"Please Will. I keep thinking he's in bed with me and I can't fathom being by myself right now." Will took a pause, thought about it before remembering the promise he made. Jay never mentioned keeping Hailey this level of company, but if him being there helped her sleep, then he could get on board with it.
"He's to never find out," Will said as he slipped out of bed, practically face planting on the floor.
"Nope, never." Will followed her to her room, letting her get in bed first before he slid under the sheets. His movements were so stiff, it was very obvious both were trying to overcome the hurdle of how awkward this all was. She waited till he was in his sleeping position before shutting the lights off.
"Thanks, Will," she whispered before shutting the lights.
"Sure," he grunted. As weird and different as the request was, it appeared to be the thing both of them needed. Both passed out in less than a minute.
…
She awoke to Will whispering, which she found odd since he wasn't speaking to her. Hailey blinked a couple more times, bringing herself out of sleepville and into a new day. The sunlight coming through the window didn't make things a whole lot better. If anything it was just shedding light on the situation. Jay was still alive, but still in need of a major, life changing surgery and the organs that came with it. Hailey rolled on her side to face Will, finding him upright and sitting on the edge of the bed, bent down as he spoke.
"Okay, I'll be there in about half an hour. When do they want him upstairs? Alright, don't let them move him till I get there. Thanks, bye." Will sat up, turned to look behind him and found Hailey sheepishly smirking at him. Here came the awkwardness once more.
"Sorry, did I wake you up?"
"No, not at all," Hailey half lied. She yawn before sitting up, rubbing her eyes as Will stood.
"Did you sleep well?"
"About as well as four hours can do." Hailey nodded, totally agreeing. Four hours, no matter how you slept, still makes you tired.
"So, who was on the phone?"
"Sharon, just checking to see how we were doing."
"Well that was very nice of her."
"Yeah, I also told her to get stuff rolling for the transplant." Hailey sharply inhaled, slowly letting the breath out as she nodded.
"So…we're doing this."
"Yeah, I don't think there's any other option." Hailey drifted for a moment, letting the weight and reality sink in. Jay Halstead was about to begin the process of a lung transplant, this was all so crazy and scary.
"I forgot to ask this last night, is it just one lung or both?"
"Both. I've seen the scans and x-rays. They're both really bad." Correction, Jay Halstead was about to begin the process of a double lung transplant. Now Hailey was really on edge internally. She pulled the hair tie out of her hair, running a hand through the blonde, long mop before putting it all back up in a messy bun. Will opened the bedroom door without speaking, just going through the motions of getting ready ASAP. He had very little time for chats and certainly didn't have time for food or coffee. Jay needed him, and if he was being honest Will just really needed to see his brother. Hailey made her way to the kitchen, firing up the Keurig and looking for a pod and cup as the machine gurgled its' warming noise.
"Do you want any coffee before you go," Hailey shouted?
"No, I'm good," Will fired back. Hailey watched the coffee droplets drip out of the spout and into her cup, the depression starting to slip in. She hated the idea of being alone in this place, especially with all that was going on at Med right then. She wanted to screw the rules so bad, just bullrush the building and see Jay. It had now been a full two weeks since she saw him. Two weeks since the two of them talked or held each other. It was two weeks since she really had any joy or positive outlook on life in her. Two weeks was all it took for things to go very sideways and dangerously wrong. And now, those two weeks looked to be turning into several more, or even eternity.
"I'm gunna go," Will announced, snapping Hailey out of her mind spiral. She whipped around to face him, mouth about to open up and say something but instead she could only nod.
"What," Will asked?
"Um what do I tell work?"
"Tell them the truth. That he's getting evaluated for a transplant and we're hoping he gets approved." Hailey nodded, the two of them taking pause of the moment.
"Do you think you'll be back tonight?"
"Yeah, visiting hours are until 8 so I'll be back after that."
"Okay," Hailey whispered. Will nodded his head before turning around and heading towards the door, Hailey in tow. Will managed to get out the front door and to the elevator before Hailey worked up the courage to speak her final words.
"Take care of him, Will." Will looked away from the elevator doors at her. Nodding as he climbed on.
"I'll call you later." And just like that, he was gone. Hailey spent the rest of the morning sipping, staring, pleading for fake Jay to come back into her world. He never did.
Meanwhile, Will did the exact midnight trip to Med, except this time it was daylight and along with that, all the usual people that preoccupied the L train. The party people and sleeping people were swapped out for the business people heading into the city for another work day. Unlike the last time, Will's little seat in the corner was taken, in fact all the seats were taken. It left him to stand in the middle, cling to the rail as everything rocked and swayed and came to abrupt stops for no apparent reason. But Will didn't mind, letting the adventure of getting to Med distract his mind from the reason he was on the train to begin with. He'd done so much thinking that the rest of him was ready to just get things going. The talking, shock, emotions had all happened, now it was time to put things into motion. Doing something, helping Jay, was going to ease everyone, Will concluded. As long as steps were being taken to save Jay's life, Will could accept the situation of everything. Soon enough he made it to Med's stop, this time not leaping out and sprinting to the hospital, but instead taking his time and enjoying the leisurely stroll. It was still cold out, the snow from the storm a couple weeks back was just about gone. You could see little piles around the edges of sidewalks or buildings, but for the most part the streets were clear and the sidewalks able to be walked on without the fear of wiping out. They were definitely in the doldrums of winter, everything grey, sad, sagging, longing for spring to arrive. Chicago always reached a point of seeming to be begging for relief. Once again it had endured another long, trying winter and it just wanted to breathe a little. Will smirked at that one, finding the similarity in it all. He contemplated stopping at the Starbucks in the hospital before getting up to Jay, but decided otherwise. Based on his sense of time Jay was getting ready to be moved, he didn't want to miss that for the world. Will clutched his growling stomach, telling it to knock it off and that he'd eat later, as the doors opened to the Covid ICU floor. Once again, Sharon was standing on the other side, waving him down as he made his way to Jay's room.
"Good morning, Will," she greeted. Will turned way from the glass door and to her for a second.
"Hey, good morning."
"Did you guys sleep at all last night?"
"A little. We both talked for awhile but I think we've come around to things."
"Good. Will, I just wanted to tell you that I'm taking you off the schedule till further notice."
"What? Why," Will spoke, this was something he didn't expect, concluding that every time he ran into Sharon now it was nothing but unexpected news.
"Will, your brother needs you. I can't pull you away from him when he's going through all of this. Just worry about him." Sharon didn't need to give an invite for that one.
"But what about the floor? They need doctors."
"Will, let me handle that. Just focus on Jay." Will was touched, truly, forever thankful for a boss that looked beyond the duties of a job. She really was looking out for her people in every aspect.
"Thanks, Sharon." The two of them nodded before Will slid the glass door open and made his way into the room. Jay wasn't by himself this morning, both a nurse and his doctor were in the process of getting things prepped for the transfer. It started with removing all articles of clothing. Nothing from the Covid floor could venture to another area, for fear that the virus was living on those surfaces. That meant bedding, gown, socks even, all of it had to be changed before he could be transferred to the gurney. Let's also not forget all the IV and wiring and machines that had to get detached and stored somewhere while they made the journey. It was a lot and a process, Will diving right in to help.
"Here, I can help with that," Will spoke as the new gown and socks were placed at the head of Jay's bed. The doctor and nurse didn't see or hear him coming in, but didn't balk at his desire to help. Will grabbed for the socks, taking off the odd fitting yellow ones for pale blue ones instead. Then came the reveal of everything else, Will getting his first real shot at what Covid had done to his brother's body. It was very upsetting, the slow reveal in pulling the hospital gown off and tossing it to the floor. So much bone was poking out in areas it never had before, the skin extra pale and sunken in so many places. Will's weight loss guess was well off whatever he thought before. It had to be closer to twenty pounds, perhaps more. All the medical stuff on Jay was probably also playing a role in his observation of things, but Will was scared for his brother still. The other thing that startled him was how Jay's breathing had changed. Instead of the normal up and down motion of his chest, Jay was doing the opposite. His chest would stutter and come in as he inhaled, barely going back out when he exhaled. It was a classic sign of lung damage and serious breathing issues, Will watching things a breath at a time solidifying what had to come next. He didn't want to bother listening to Jay's chest again, he didn't need further conviction.
"We're gunna get you help," Will told his brother as the clean gown was pulled up and over Jay's small shoulders. Will tucked the back as best he could under Jay, not bothering to try and tie the back. Hopefully the next time Jay was going to get changed it would be after surgery and they could figure out how to fully dress an unconscious person.
"Alright, he's ready to move," the doctor announced as all but the vent was removed and placed somewhere around Jay's gurney. Now things picked up a little. The transfer team arrived, handing off paperwork for Will to sign as the Covid ICU people cleared the room and the new people took over. As Will handed off the papers the vent was detached and a bag was clipped onto the end of Jay's breathing tube. Squeeze, count to three, begin again. That was how Jay was surviving.
"Here we go," the transfer team called out as the doors were opened and the locks on Jay's gurney was undone and he was rolled out into the hallway. A small group of the doctors and nurses had gathered, watching the rarity that was a living Covid survivor leave the floor. Will was the last to depart the room, very much overcome with emotions as everyone began clapping for Jay. Will could only wave, mumbled his thanks to everyone before turning back and catching up with Jay. He crammed into the elevator with Jay and his little crew, eyes glued to the whiteboard way down from his spot, smirking widely as he watched the 1 get erased for a 2. Will might've let out a tear or two just them, this time out of immense pride and joy. His brother was number 2. He freaking did it.
But all that joy and happiness vanished when the elevators opened up to the new ICU. This was now the big leagues, the real deal. People on this floor weren't battling Covid, but serious, life altering things. Brain injuries, heart issues, serious illnesses and Jay was now worthy enough to be a member of this place. The elevator opened up to a very dark, quiet, somber place. With no visitors allowed it truly was a floor of unconscious people and their nursing staff. Will felt very much in a middle of some weird, sci-fi movie. Patients all looked the same: passed out in beds on a ventilator with people in their rooms tending to things. Will was trying to figure out how that one worked out, since a lot of the time a patient could be in the ICU and also awake. But as they went room by room, that wasn't the case. Will looked away from the rooms then and to his brother, sighing at the fact that he still wasn't able to breathe on his own and that he was going to fit right in with this place. He hated it, was scared for Jay, but it was in an effort to save his life. As long as they got to a point where he could explain everything and listen to Jay freak out over what was done to him, Will was at peace with it all.
They arrived at Jay's new room, this time around he would be the only occupant of the place. The room felt to be even smaller then the one Jay just left, all the machines that he had downstairs were up here and ready for Jay to get connected. This room was entirely encased in glass, no window to the outside world. That was probably planned, given that a lot of patients needed to rest at all hours and didn't need the sun hindering that. Will took a seat in the visitors chair as Jay was transferred to his new bed. The chair was the usual awkward recliner, not at all comfortable and weighed a thousand pounds. Will listened for some kind of sound out of Jay, some noise of him not appreciating the jostle and movement he was going through for the first time in a couple weeks. But despite the fact that he was off the sedatives, Jay was still very much gone. He was nothing more than a rag doll, flopping about and still as people moved him and reconnected all his necessary things to him. Will looked on with a heavy heart as the monitors above the bed fired up as things were getting connected. The heart monitor showed a body that was trying, struggling, in desperate need of air, the blood oxygen had now slipped down to 74, pretty dangerous territory for anyone. The brain sensors were put back on his forehead as a precaution and measurement for detecting if the brain became starved for oxygen. One by one the IVs were dripping their meds and the clicking and whining of the ventilator rang out in Jay's life once more. The transfer was complete, now the real fun, you could say, was underway.
"Thank you," Will spoke on behalf of Jay as the transfer team filed out. Will decided to move the horrifically heavy recliner as close to the bed as he could, struggling and tugging at the monstrous thing before reaching his final spot.
"Sorry for all the noise," Will said as he took a seat.
"Good morning, Jay. How are you feeling?" Will giggled to himself, finding the question so stupid to ask. He looked right at Jay's cluttered, thin face, sighing at how lifeless it all looked. Jay did and didn't look like himself, so much going on that even being with him felt like he wasn't really here. Will looked up at the monitors once more, taking in all the sights and sounds that came with a life struggling to survive.
"Dude, you're in an elite group right now. You beat Covid, congrats." Will squeezed Jay's hand for that, still half expecting something to come back. It didn't.
"Listen, I know you're really trying in there and I appreciate it, but I need you to hang in there. Help is hopefully coming." Will paused at that, now fighting tears once again. He couldn't cry in front of Jay. At the off chance he could hear anything, he didn't want to scare Jay. So Will was quiet for a good five minutes, just letting the tears flow has his mind hung on the truth of 'hopefully.' Because the truth was, they were going to go through the process of getting Jay set up for a transplant, but the most pivotal, deciding factor was if he'd ever find a match, and that was the scariest part of all.
"Look, there's going to be a lot going on today and tomorrow but it's all to help you. I need you to just relax, hang in there, and just keep resting. I'd really, really love for you to be awake now, but I also know that you need a lot of rest." A knock on Jay's door was soon followed by two people coming into the room. It was Dr. Marsh and Dr. Peters, both looking like they got as much sleep as Will did.
"Good morning," they greeted with. Will kept holding Jay's hand and remained in his hunched over the bed spot, but he looked at them and nodded.
"Good morning."
"So, how are we doing this morning?"
"Who, Jay or I?" The two doctors chuckled.
"Oh, we know how he is. How are you handling the news." Will blushed in embarrassment, he really needed a good nap and a shot of coffee.
"Well that's embarrassing. Better, much better then last night. I think I'm ready to get this going."
"Great, excellent," Dr. Marsh added as the ICU guy was too busy being mesmerized by Jay's stats, writing them all down in his electronic chart.
"It's a lot and it's never something you can just accept and move on, but it's what he needs." Will nodded, clearing his throat before replying.
"So what is the game plan. How does this emergency authorization work?"
"Basically it means we're just speeding up the process of getting him approved for transplant and then rushing him through the UNOS onboarding."
"What's the timeline? How soon could he be approved?"
"Tomorrow? We're going to get all the labs and scans done today, present them to the committee tomorrow and if he gets approved, then a couple days after that he'd be active."
"Okay," Will swallowed. Tomorrow, two days at the latest, it was all moving so fast. But Will had to keep reminding himself that it was saving Jay; that potentially in two days Jay's life could be saved, changed forever and for the better. He had to hold to that as they all went through this whirlwind of a time.
"When do we get started?"
"Let's hold off till this afternoon," the ICU guy butted in.
"He's been through a lot this morning and we need to let him adjust before we put him through more moving. But despite his condition he's holding well. What do you think about ECMO?" Will looked away from Jay at that one, a little shocked they were talking about ECMO. It was another substantial machine and another big thing Jay would have to live with, but the more he thought about it the more he realized it was necessary.
"Let's get him through to approval. If he gets approved then we'll start it," the transplant surgeon responded. The two of them left not too long after, saying they'd be back after 2pm to get things underway. Will waited till they left to finally address what he really needed.
"I'm going to run downstairs and grab some coffee and food. Don't do anything crazy while I'm gone," Will teased. Transplant, scans, testing, new lungs and ECMO were filling Will's head. But first, coffee.
…
It began in the smallest of ways, but the needle driving into Jay's left arm was the green flag, they were in it now. Often, people began these kind of journeys with something symbolic: a moment in the middle of a rainstorm, a ride on a train, or some big celebration with family and friends. But for Jay, his journey began at exactly 2pm with his brother holding his hand while blood was drawn out of him. Will wasn't sure why he was holding his brother's hand, since he already had so many other IV needles in him he probably wasn't going to feel another, but still Will took up the role of comforter. If Jay were awake for any of this right now he'd be squealing over the needle going into his skin. So as vial after vial was drawn, placed on the bed, and then put in a hazardous material bag, Will just held on, gently rubbing Jay's arm once the bandaid was placed and the rubber strap thingy put away. He'd done it. Stage 1 of the evaluation process was complete.
"When does he go for the scans," Will asked?
"In a couple minutes," the nurse said.
"Transport is moving another patient right now but they'll be here in a moment."
"Moving someone in?" The nurse shook her head.
"Moving out. Down to the Covid floor actually." Will shook his head, sighing as he spoke.
"Damn. How did that even happen?"
"They're not sure. The patient was only here for twenty-four hours so they could've had it before coming in and just now contracted it. They're working on contact tracing for them." Will closed his eyes for a moment, sending out a quick prayer for that person, the entire family and all that they were about to go through. Now being just on the other side of it all, Will didn't wish that time on anybody. Soon the room was just the two of them again, Will pondering all that troubled him in life while Jay continued to blissfully sleep in unconsciousness. Will didn't like how accustomed he'd become to Jay not being there. He was beginning to forget what he sounded like, conversations they had and even the fights they dished out over the years. At this point Jay was like this living medical figure, this thing everyone was talking about and performing procedures on, but everything human and normal and living about him had somehow slipped away. Will hated to admit it, but it was true. The longer Jay stayed this way, the harder it was to remember that a person, a soul was underneath everything.
"Good job with the blood draw. See? Wasn't too bad." Will watched the heart monitor, brain waves, something that showed Jay was listening and trying to communicate with him, but nothing ever came. Before long the promised transfer team arrived with gurney in tow, Jay and all his components coming along for the ride with Will taking up the rear, pushing the IV cart. Thankfully the elevator wasn't necessary this time, this particular ICU floor having radiology right on the other side of the building. He didn't have it in him for another floor change and all the twists and turns that he knew quite well from the other radiology department.
They arrived in due time, with Jay getting right into the CT scanner thanks in part to zero wait time because no one else was needing it. Ah, another beauty to having your own radiology team, things were tailored to very specific people that the turnover from scans to results was hours, not days. It appeared Jay was VIP for all of this. On top of getting the head of the ICU doctor as his main guy, he had the head of radiology, the director of the transplant committee, and Sharon Goodwin waiting in the viewing room for Jay to get set up. For some reason Will was mildly concerned and nervous, not sure why all these top people had to watch his brother's scans. But then he reminded himself that Jay was potentially making medical history here, they all had to make sure he could make it to getting approved, then actually survive the surgery and recovery thereafter. Will helped transfer Jay to the CT scanner, just accepting the hard truth that Jay was so much lighter then he ever thought, before throwing a blanket on his torso and tucking it around his feet.
"Do you know if he has any allergies to contrast?"
"Not that I know of," Will said.
"But how are we going to know if he does?"
"Because he's unconscious we'll give them the contrast and then Benadryl. It'll make him drowsy but then again.."
"-He's unconscious," Will finished. They share a chuckled, Will staying by Jay's side till everything was set up and Jay was pushed into the machine. Time to join the viewing party in the other room.
"Hi…everyone," Will greeted, getting nothing more than a few grunts or waves, all were too consumed with the screens in front of them. Will took his place in the back, allowing all those who really needed to see things get their full shot of everything. It took some time for things to start to coming through, Will using the time to watch his brother. You could only make out his feet, but Will just kept himself glued to it. That was his trance, his escape from it all. And it all was going so well till Sharon Goodwin bumped him on the shoulder.
"What," Will whispered. She could only point to the monitors, eyes wide and breath held as things came through. It was bad as as they all said it was, things just as dead looking, deformed, and damaged as everyone had been claiming. Even in a 3D replica, black and white series of images, it was beyond apparent how bad Jay's lungs had gotten. It was grotesque, awful, one of the worst lung scans Will had ever seen. The experts in the room zoomed themselves in, the sure sign that they were rather intrigued with what they were seeing. There was the nodding of heads, the points and comments before moving back and waiting for the next set of things to come through.
"I'm sorry, Will," Sharon whispered as the horror images kept rolling through, Will could only come up with a nod and swallow. Jay was indeed in trouble.
"We're going to help him," Sharon spoke, rubbing Will's back as he nodded once more, looking back down at the floor. It was in this moment that fate was sealed, in Will's mind. Jay needed this more than anything else in the world. There was no other option. Transplant was coming, Will now hoping it was very, very soon.
…
"Aw, he changed," Hailey jokingly greeted Will. Will laughed as he set the phone up on a table so Hailey could get a full view of Jay while Will sat. He was too tired to hold his phone.
"Yup, I think solid pale blue suits him," he teased.
"Why did he change?"
"Standard procedure when getting off the Covid floor. Everything that he slept in or had on had to get switched out for new stuff. Trying to keep the spread of everything down. We don't know at this point if stuff lives on fabric so we're just airing on the side of caution."
"Makes sense." Will nodded, looking away from the phone because one of Jay's IV stands was going off, starting the alarm; which only made Hailey nervous.
"What's that?" Will got up, turned the alarm off as he took the empty IV bag off the stand.
"Just the alert that one of his meds needs to be refreshed. Everything's fine." Right then a nurse came in, thanking Will for saving her the step as she step up the new bag and drip rate.
"Do you need anything," she asked Will?
"Nope, I'm good. Starbucks is hanging in there."
"Well don't run yourself on empty. We have snacks at the nurse's station if you need anything."
"Thanks, I'll let you know if I need anything."
"Thanks," Hailey called out from the phone. The nurse waved to her, and the Halsteads, before ducking out of the room.
"Things look a lot more relaxed up there."
"Yeah, as relaxed as an ICU floor can be. It's super dark up here, way too quiet for my liking. Honestly I think they're being so nice because they finally have a visitor back on the floor. I can't imagine just dealing with unconscious people all day. That must get tiring…and difficult."
"Well speaking of unconscious, how's he doing?" Will thought about that one for a moment, trying to figure out how one sums up everything into a word or two. What happened today was enough to fill a lecture on how awful Covid really is and how quickly it can cause irreversible damage.
"He's…doing well. He made it up here without any issues and settled in fine. Blood draws were uneventful."
"But…" Hailey said.
"But, the CT scan wasn't good. Hailey, his lungs are really bad."
"Like how bad?"
"Like he's got a lot more of those 'holes' they talked about and a ton of dead or scarred tissue. It's kind of a miracle his blood oxygen is where it is. They're talking about if he gets approved they want to put him on ECMO till lungs are available."
"What's ECMO?"
"It's a machine that oxygenates your blood. It takes blood from an artery usually in the groin, runs it through the machine that filters it with oxygen and then the blood goes back into the body somewhere around the heart. It's often used for people waiting for a lung transplant."
"So basically it drains all the blood out, filters it, and puts it all back in?"
"Not all at once like that, more of a continuous thing, but essentially yes. But it will help him and his body stay oxygenated till surgery."
"When could he get approved?"
"They're hoping tomorrow, and then start the ECMO tomorrow as well."
"Damn, that's fast…this is all so crazy," Hailey moaned, rubbing her face as she looked on at Jay. He was still so peaceful, so lifeless yet so beautiful. The two of them just sat still and watched, listening to the sounds of the room and praying to hear breathing coming out of Jay's nose, lip, person soon. They needed their person back, like yesterday.
"He needs a shave," Hailey joked.
"Yeah, I was thinking the same thing. I can do it tomorrow."
"Really? You can do that?"
"Yeah, you just work around the breathing tube."
"Well don't make him clean shaven, I've never seen that way and I can't imagine what that looks like."
"Oh, it'll be fine. Plus they'll want that for surgery. He can have all of recovery to go back to his norm." That one Hailey perked up for, smiling as she nodded.
"Sounds like a plan." Will yawned once more, stretching his arms while keeping an eye on Jay. For some reason, he couldn't pull himself away today.
"I'm going to try and rest a little before I leave."
"Please do, you need the sleep. Love you, Jay! If you can hear me, don't pull anything crazy or stupid. I'll see you tomorrow."
"I'm sure he's rolling his eyes at us right now."
"I have no doubt." The two signed off, Hailey promising take out would be at the apartment when Will got there. Another round of farewells, more silence and strange huffs of trying to wrap their heads around everything, the two finally hung up.
"I'm going to sleep, man. Don't do anything exciting," Will yawned as he relaxed back onto the chair. In under five minutes, two Halsteads were sound asleep in that ICU room.
…
"Alright, we're doing this," Will spoke, setting up the phone once more as things were getting put in place for the ECMO machine and procedure that came with it. The decision was quick and unanimous, Jay was approved for a double lung transplant and in the process of being activated on the UNOS list. It wasn't a hard sell, aside from the Covid damage Jay was a young, healthy, thriving candidate who could certainly handle the post-op transplant lifestyle, the biggest thing was getting him to and through surgery. Once that was done, everything else was assumed to be smooth sailing. Will got the call on his way into Med that morning, Will both relieved and now worried about things. They were all now living by the phone, doctors, waiting for something that had no expected arrival. It could be tonight, in seven minutes, or months from then. It wasn't a life anyone expected, nor was it one anyone looked forward to or took lightly. But it was for Jay's betterment, all forces trying to help him earn a new lease on life.
"So how is this all going to work?"
"They're going to use a special ultrasound to find the best arteries for the ECMO ports in both his neck and groin area and then put things in place."
"Doesn't he already have a line in his neck?"
"Yes, but they can't use that. This has to be a whole separate system for the ECMO."
"Ugh, meaning he's going to have two lines in his neck?"
"Yeah, unfortunately." Hailey sighed, watching as the ECMO machine was placed on the right side of Jay's bed, balancing the ECMO with the ventilator to create this perfect balance of everything keeping Jay alive.
"I'm so glad he's not awake for all of this. He would seriously freak out."
"No kidding," Will said. Hailey pulled herself away from the big scary machine and the huge tubes that were coming out of it, finding herself fixated on Jay's face, smirking and rolling her eyes as she spoke.
"You didn't."
"Didn't what?"
"You gave him a clean shave!" Will laughed.
"I told you, it needs to be done for surgery, which could be any time now. So he has to be ready for it."
"Yeah, yeah. okay," Hailey joked back. The procedure cloths were set up around Jay's chest before his head was turned to the left. He was still in rag doll stage so there was very little movement needed to position him. Will kept believing he heard a grunt or sleep sound coming out of Jay, but as the ultrasound wand was gelled up and squished on Jay's neck Will knew his brother was still totally out. Because if any part of him was coherent now he'd already be up and fighting the whole thing. It took little time to find the ideal vein, a purple Sharpie X marked on his neck. A quick dash of disinfectant and a rub of alcohol and the extra large, thick, daunting needle was removed from it's sheath and aligned in its' proper place.
"Here we go," the doctor called out, both Will and Hailey holding their breath as the needle broke through the skin. Surely Jay would react in some way, a foot twitch at the very least. But all signs pointed to him still being very much gone; not even the heart monitor changed it's normal tune. The insertion took little time, before long the port was stuck and taped to Jay's neck, very little skin visible thanks in part to all the hefty lines coming out of that side. The tubing was connected to the port and then fed back into the machine. One part down, one more to go.
"Do you want to be here for this part," the doctor spoke in the direction of Hailey on the phone.
"Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I?" Will chuckled
"Because the groin region is…you know…the man stuff."
"The man stuff? Good Lord Will I'm not twelve. You can say penis, testicles, I'm a big girl."
"Okay, suit yourself." Without much warning the blankets were pulled down to Jay's feet, gown tossed up toward his stomach, revealing Jay's male anatomy to the whole world. Will and Hailey knew that if Jay were awake right now he'd be quite uncomfortable, but since no one else in the room was saying anything or acting like it was a big deal, they swallowed their weirded emotions and watched things chug along.
"Okay, I have to ask. Why is he erect?" Will looked right at the phone, shocked Hailey had announced that to the whole room. But once he took a look, seeing she was rather correct, he had to fill her in.
"The catheter. It can happen after it's been in for a long time."
"Ah. Well, I'm glad to see he's at least enjoying himself while he's out."
"Real professional, Hailey."
"What! I'm being serious." Will could only chuckled as he shook his head. Thank God Jay wasn't awake or able to remember any of this. Hailey watched on as the ultrasound was waved in the general area of Jay's groin, the X being marked on his left side, not too far down from his hip. Another round of disinfectant, more alcohol, and the next large needle was lined up and ready to go in.
"This one I can't watch," Will said, lowering his head as the doctor's hand started guiding the needle in.
"Baby," Hailey joked. Just as quick as the one in the neck, everything was in, secured and taped in little time. Will returned to watching as the gown was pulled back down and blankets were returned to Jay's body. The tubing was connected to the groin port before the ECMO machine was fired up and blood was flowing.
"Oh this is so unsettling," Hailey noted as the red, thick blood was pulled out from the groin, the lighter shade of red coming up though the machine and back into his body.
"I know, it's not pretty."
"It's like watching the life drain out of him."
"I know, I know," Will could only say. While he'd seen this machine work countless times, never was it on a family member. He now got why people always cried, some even passed out; it really was like you were watching something torture a loved one.
"Okay, antibiotics are going, blood thinners, diuretics, and a relaxant are in. I'm going to check back in in about thirty minutes and see how it's all going."
"Sounds good, thanks Dr. Peters." Hailey and Will looked on at Jay as the room filed out, long gone was the giddy, happier mood to the two of them. If there was a way, Will would've found something to cover the tubing. Seeing that much blood coming in and out of Jay was perhaps the most unsettling thing about him. They could accept the breathing tube and all the lines and wiring strapped everywhere on his body, even the thought of his lungs being removed wasn't that daunting anymore. It was the visual of his lifeline, his source of everything leaving him and coming back that really put into perspective how bad Jay was and how dangerous things were getting. It was then, even though both didn't say it, they wished the phone call would come soon.
"And now we wait?"
"Now we wait," Will numbly called back. He instinctively reached over to hold Jay's hand, rubbing his thumb against the side of Jay's fingers.
"Hang in there, bud. Help is coming."
"Hopefully soon," Hailey added. Will nodded. Despite the gruesome new addition to Jay's hospital life, the machine did it's job. In half an hour his blood oxygen returned to a solid 80%. By the time Will left for the day Jay was up to a great 85%. Things were finally looking up. Jay was officially activated the following morning, Will getting the instructions to always have his phone on, ringer up, and with him at all times. The waiting game had begun, Jay's entire support group on high alert and pins and needles as the minutes, hours, days passed. They waited, prayed, Will hardly leaving his side. They waited some more, certainly cried and pleaded for help to arrive. And then, on a drenched, cool, blustery April morning, the call arrived. Showtime.