Chapter 9- Deceased Donor
Surprisingly enough, Jay didn't wake up the rest of the day. Perhaps it was the way in which he returned to earth for the first time, or the energy that it took to utter a word was enough to send him back into a deep sleep the rest of the day, but Jay never budged the remainder of the day. He stayed awake long enough for everyone to help him get redressed and then answer a couple of questions, but there was definitely parts of him that were off. He answered them in such a quiet, awkward manner. There was no fire or poise and assuredness about him, that badass and able personality of his was still trying to find it's way back to things. It was a completely normal thing at this point, he'd been gone for so long and been through so much that it was natural for the true Jay they all knew to take his time in returning. While Will and Hailey were beyond excited that he'd woken up, at least one of them was worried about what the future might look like. Of course they'd love Jay in whatever capacity he'd come to be, but the last thing either wanted was a depressed Jay that was a shadow of his past, a man who looked behind him and relished instead of looking ahead to all that he could do once again. But Will and Hailey never talked about this, really they didn't do much talking the rest of the day. Whether it was reading, sleeping, or just staring at Jay asleep, very little communication took place. Again, it was normal. After all the excitement of the last few days and weeks, this period of rest and holding was needed, almost expected before they moved to the next stage of things. Jay was doing amazing, on the right path for the first time in a month with nothing but good promise ahead. So before they got on that exciting yet speedy train, it was okay to sit at the station and just rest in where they were on the journey.
"You want to stay with him tonight," Will asked Hailey just as the visitation hours were done for the day? She was still sitting on the floor, texting Kim back and forth on Jay, work, just life things in general. The ICU wasn't designed for visitation, most rooms didn't even have a place for family members to sit. It pained Will that Hailey had to sit on the floor every now and then, but both knew once they got to the transplant floor they'd all have a comfy place to land.
"What?" Hailey looked up from her phone, a little caught off guard by Will's question.
"I can go to the apartment tonight if you want to stay with him." Will was already up, packing up his bag as Hailey stumbled over words.
"But…Will, I. I…I don't know what to do? I don't have the medical expertise to know…anything." Will smirked as he zipped the bag up.
"Well lucky for you that's not required of family members in order for them to stay here."
"But Will, what if something happens?"
"Hailey, you're in a hospital on a floor where everything is very closely monitored. See the monitors in the nurse's station over there?" Will pointed out through the glass walls and in the direction of the station. Hailey stood up from the floor, turning around to face what Will was pointing at. Sure enough, there was over a dozen screens on the wall, each housing patient IDs and all their vitals and other important medical markers. Hailey was scouring for Jay's as Will spoke.
"Everything that's on Jay right now is being monitored on those screens. He's being very closely watched even if they aren't in the room. Plus, as you've seen, they come in every hour to check on things. You'll do just fine. Worst case just push the button on the bed for help." Hailey turned away from the wall and back towards Jay, taking in his sweet sleep sounds. It took no time at all for her and Will to get used to those once more. Gone was the hiss and whine of the ventilator in their minds, taking it's place the normal sounds of a human sleeping soundly. It was so beautiful.
"Where's the button?" Will stepped over to the bed, pointing out the blinking red button.
"There's one right here and then one in the exact same spot on the other side. Just hit that and they'll come running in." Hailey nodded, looking away from the buttons and to Jay. She had to admit, she was really wanting a night with Jay, a little update to the very last one they shared. Now of course, there were certain parts they couldn't replicate right now, but just being in the same room as him and the two of them trying to sleep would boost her spirts immensely. She took Jay's hand, ran her thumb on the side of his hand as she nodded.
"Yeah, I'll stay with him. But keep your phone on in case I need to call you about things."
"Of course! I'm just a phone call away. Oh, I'm going to run some laundry when I get home. Do you want me to bring you stuff?"
"Yeah! That would be awesome." They'd reached a new level of their friendship, Will having to pack a bag for Hailey that included toiletry items and under garments. Again, the things they all had gone through in the last month were things they never thought possible when the clock struck midnight on January 1. But here they were, what a crazy year. Will got his packing orders and was soon headed for the door. Hailey stopped him right there, hugging him a final time for the day, the two of them still quiet and somber. Hailey was so grateful it wasn't her leaving tonight, extremely grateful Will was allowing her to take his place tonight. Will on the other hand just wanted more of Jay's whiskey stash and a solid bed to fully sleep on. Soon he pulled away, promising to be there in the morning with breakfast and coffee in hand. Hailey waved to him as he walked down the hall and out of sight, eventually turning back to look at Jay still very passed out in bed. He wasn't able to sit up just yet, for some reason they wanted him flat on the bed through the night. Hailey had not a clue why. Someone had probably explained it all to her but she'd very much forgotten. She thought about sitting on the edge of the bed, but before she got the chance the nurse was at the door, pulling her computer cart into the room as she whispered that she was just there to check on things. Hailey took her place in the vacant chair, crossing her legs at her ankles and slowly swinging them back and forth. She felt so out of place, so unprepared and uneducated in everything going on, she had no clue what she should or should not be doing.
"Will went home tonight," the nurse asked as she put the stethoscope under Jay's gown? "Yeah, he was very kind enough to let me stay here tonight. Even though I feel very unqualified for any of this." The nurse smirked, moving the stethoscope around as she listened to things.
"Well don't worry, you're certainly not the first family member to stay who doesn't have a medical background. We've got him, don't worry about any of that."
"Thanks," Hailey meekly spoke, face reddening as she said it. Again, she was in very new territory, having no clue what was the proper etiquette. The nurse did her thing, looking everything over before making sure Jay's pain pump was stocked for the night, her last job being a couple meds that had to be inserted in an IV.
"Hey, we're going to order some takeout. Would you like anything?" Hailey's stomach growled at the mention of food, both her and the nurse chuckling at the sound. Apparently her stomach answered for her.
"That would be great. Just tell me how much and I can Venmo."
"Oh, don't worry about it." Again, more face reddening as Hailey nodded her thanks. They were being way beyond sweet to all of them, Hailey truly going to miss the hospitality whenever Jay moved on to other places.
"Oh, has he been eating," Hailey asked just before the nurse slid the door closed? The nurse stuck her head in the door, shaking it before she spoke.
"He's been off tube feeds since surgery. Right now we need his stomach to be calm as things start to heal. He'll probably go back on nutrient packs in a couple days, when the chest tubes come out."
"So what has he been having?"
"He's on fluids with some nutrients to keep him comfortable. But that's all he can have right now." Hailey nodded, now feeling incredibly guilty that she was going to eat, has been eating, in front of Jay and he can't have any of it. Hailey got up from the chair and took her seat on her little presumed spot on Jay's bed, smirking as she took his hand and just watched him. He looked the most peaceful he'd been in quite some time, just chilling in his little sleep world as all the medical stuff did it's thing. It was so odd, seeing him let IVs, machines, tubing, everything be on him and letting it all just work. His submission to the events truly a new thing for all of them, but Will and Hailey were so proud. Oh in time, they were certain that would all change. But in the immediate, when cooperation was so crucial, it was comforting that some part of Jay was well enough aware to know to just let things do what they were intended to do.
"Good evening, Jay. Hope you've had a very relaxing time in that head of yours." Hailey leaned over to kiss his very limp lips. She hadn't felt those in over a month now, the lifelessness a little strange, but in no time she was pulling herself back from really going at them, choosing to not slip a tongue in that mouth. More patience, more time, but right now they were most certainly not in that stage of things. Jay was already traumatized once today, best to not wake him up with her tongue down his throat. Instead she pecked his lips twice before pulling back and stroking his hair a few times. It was so nasty, in desperate need of a shower and haircut, but just to feel the thick, brunette, curly mop was doing so much for her.
"I love you. I really hope you'll feel the same after all of this," Hailey whispered. Her phone lit up on the chair's arm, the caller ID of Kim pulling her away from Jay for a moment as she reached for the phone.
"Hey," she quietly greeted as she returned to holding Jay's hand.
"So Will really let you stay tonight?"
"Yeah! It was very sweet of him." Hailey could hear the noise of a crime scene in the background, the guilt of her being here while they were down two people suddenly weighing heavy on her. She wanted to go back to work, wanted to help out, but the pull to stay with Jay far outweighed all of it. When he was more awake for sure Jay would tell her to work while he was stuck in this place, but they would see what happens.
"Are you at a scene," Hailey asked?
"Yeah, but we're just getting ready to leave." A car door slammed in the background, the once loud outside noises were instantly gone. Kim was in a car, waiting for someone to drive it sounded like.
"Big case?"
"I don't know. They always start off simple but you know how these things quickly unravel."
"Yeah," Hailey responded. She let go of Jay's hand, instead placing her hand on his thigh, noting how much smaller it felt. The muscle mass was just about out of him, leaving skin, very little fat and bones left. The toll this all truly took on his life was only realized at surface levels. It was going to take months, maybe a good year for him to get back to the shape he was in, at that was in sync with trying to regain all the lost weight while balancing his life as a transplant recipient. It was going to be a huge change, adjustment, different way of life in a lot of areas, Hailey concluded. But they'd help him. He'd get there. No doubt in her mind.
"But I figured you want to hear this instead of me just texting you. Hailey, Jay does love you…like a lot. We've all seen it over the years. This whole Covid event isn't going to change that." Hailey bit the side of her lip, hand shaking as she fought to not cry. She and Will made a pack and she was trying her best to keep it.
"But Kim, love is a fickle little bitch. One big thing and it's all gone. This is going to change him."
"Yeah, physically it has. And yes, he's going to have a new way of doing life. But Hailey, that's not going to change how he feels about you. No way. Jay is so stubborn it's insane. Remember, I've known him for a really, really long time. Once his mind is set on something or someone, he's not swaying. Yes, he might act different but's that totally normal and expected. Don't worry, Jay will come around to his old self. It's just going to take time." Another car door opened and shut, the sounds of Adam talking in the background as he got in his seat interrupted whatever Hailey was going to say.
"Adam says hi and say to tell Jay he needs to get his ass back to work," Kim joked, which made Hailey laugh.
"I'll tell him that when he wakes up again." The nurse quietly knocked on the door, Hailey turning around to see a bag of food in her hand.
"I've gotta go. Dinner's here," Hailey said as she got up to grab her gifted meal. She waved her thanks, took the bag and sat back down on the seat.
"Sounds good! Let me know if you need anything. And Hailey? It's going to be fine." Hailey did her best to assure Kim that she believed what she was saying, but some part of her wasn't on board just yet. Hailey sat in silent chewing as she thought about what life could look like. She was so certain it was all up and up from here. A few weeks ago she was picturing life without Jay. Now she could only envision a Jay who was alive but no longer loved her. The debate of which was worse kept her silent and wide awake the rest of the evening.
…
Jay had become somewhat of a night owl. All resurfaces had happened in the very late hours of the night into the early parts of the day. Perhaps this had to do with a very messed up circadian rhythm, or that was just a coincidence, but this night fell right in line with how things would go in the coming days. Jay slept the remainder of the evening, never once stirring for blood draws or just the countless doctors, surgeons, everyone that wanted to see him. They all would come in, chat in great length about Jay and his progress while Hailey would just smile and nod. She had not a clue what they were saying, would relay it all to Will for explanation. Hailey felt bad for Jay, trying to imagine how tired and exhausted he was and people just kept coming in poking him and talking loud enough to keep him awake. But the poor guy never budged, just snoozed away and breathed as normal and peacefully as he could. A couple times there would be shaky deep breaths, but everyone said that was normal, in fact a very good sign. His body needed to do that, especially this early in the healing process. Deep breaths helped open everything up, filled the lungs and pushed them just a little which was great. It was a little unsettling to hear him struggle through those deep breaths, but everyone swore that as the days passed he'd get much better.
Hailey was sound asleep when the nurse came in just after 1am, doing her usual routine of checking in and changing IV bags and stuff out. Unlike Will, Hailey had every intention of sleeping. She didn't find the struggle in sleeping through the sounds of that ICU room. If Jay, a notorious light sleeper, could do it, then she really didn't have a problem with it either. Plus, she was tired from a long day and her roller coaster of emotions that evening that she was very much wiped out. The nurse looked Hailey's way when she first entered the room, smirking at how Hailey was positioned in the chair. Hailey managed to get the chair three fourths of the way flat, allowing her to lay back but not be completely flat; kind of how Hailey wished Jay could be sleeping right now. She had a blanket thrown over herself at one point, but now it was gathered at her waist as she was turned on her side facing Jay. Hailey had one arm folded over her side with the other extended straight out, almost ready to reach out and grab Jay if she needed to. The nurse was extra quiet during this time, making very little sound as she worked her way through things. She was in the middle of listening to Jay's lungs, with her eyes shut for extra hearing power, when she noted that the heart monitor had increased just a little. Opening her eyes she found Jay looking straight up, blinking away watery eyes as he tried to grasp at things.
"Hailey," the nurse calmly, yet sternly called out to Hailey, who's eyes danced under her eyelids before one eyelid cracked open. Hailey still hadn't found the energy to move, just looked in the direction of the voice who dared to awaken her.
"He's awake," the nurse proudly announced, nodding her head in Jay's direction as she went back to listening. Hailey slowly sat up from her bed, sure enough finding Jay's eyes open and moving to find something to hold on to. Hailey was on her feet, at the side of the bed and leaning over to meet Jay's eyes in no time.
"Hey sleepy, welcome back." Jay's eyes roved around a little before finding Hailey. He was very mesmerized by the ceiling tiles and all their little dots, tracing them for a little bit before locking in with Hailey. His very confused, blurry self met a radiation of excitement, joy, relief. He didn't know how to react to that, choosing a very blank expression as she grabbed his hand and stroked his hair once more.
"How are you feeling," Hailey whispered? Feelings, that was a tough one for Jay to grasp right then. He had no clue where he was, why he was there, or how long it had been since the last time he could remember anything. He was a body of many questions and great confusion. Jay chose to just stare at Hailey, allowing the nurse to continue doing her tasks as he really strained to trace back time. Alas, nothing came to him. So naturally, instead of saying how he was, he chose to get some answers to things.
"Where are we," very groggily rolled out of his mouth. There was still that foreign, out of character quality to his voice. It sounded like him but didn't at the same time. Things were very mellow, monotone and just not him. Again, it was all part of him coming back, but still scared Hailey that they were this far out and he still was off.
"We're in the hospital, Jay. Do you remember why you're here?" Jay long blinked, going back through his history book of life and came up with nothing. Eventually he shook his head a couple times, squeezing Hailey's hand. That was a first ever during this whole thing, making Hailey beam with pride and excitement.
"You got pretty sick. Do you remember the whole thing about Covid?" Covid, now there was a lightbulb word. Instantly it all flooded back. The toilet paper shortage. The crazy trip to the store. The talk at the precinct with Trudy, everyone. The whole world shutting down because of this scary virus. Then his mind wandered to that night between the two of them. He could smell her scent again, feel her body against his and as he went in, hard. The body heat, the sweat, the closeness they shared that night. And then the next night was one of the worst nights he could remember.
"Jay, you still with us," the nurse called out to him as the heart monitor increased a little more.
"Jay," Hailey called to him, that being what got him to open his eyes once more. He wasn't even aware he'd closed them, but meeting her scared face made him scared. Short breaths were coming on, his chest tightening as he tried to find words but his throat was tightening way too quickly.
"Okay, we're going to give him a little relaxant," the nurse announced as she ordered the vials and waited for it to be delivered. Hailey just squeezed his hand, called his name again before asking him to open his eyes. The medication was delivered in under a minute, the nurse readying the syringe and plunging it into an IV before watching and waiting for the drugs to kick in. They did about a minute later and Jay opened his eyes once more in less than three.
"Feel better?" Jay nodded his head. Hailey now held his hand with both of hers, waiting till he found her to speak again.
"You don't have Covid anymore. You got pretty sick for awhile but you got through it."
"Did you.." Hailey shook her head.
"Nope, I never got it." That was enough for Jay right then. Before anyone could ask him how his pain was or what he remember of things, his whole body went limp. He got an answer to one of his questions and he could take comfort in knowing Hailey didn't suffer the same fate as his. Hailey watched the energy fall out of him, everything going still as he drifted back to sleep. Just like that, he was back to his usual state and everything resumed it's normal rhythm.
"So, what was that," Hailey asked?
"He just got a little excited. It can happen when they start remembering things. We just don't need him pushing things right now." Hailey nodded, still not letting go of Jay's hand as she looked on.
"When can he sit up a little?"
"Maybe tomorrow. We need to make sure we aren't putting too much pressure on him. So when he says the pain is fine on the cocktail he's on then we'll start sitting him up." Hailey nodded, thanking the nurse as she left the room. Hailey waited till she left to kiss Jay's cheek, telling him that she loved him and was proud of him before slipping back to the chair. Hailey used the watching of Jay's chest to help her fall back to sleep. Up and down, up and down, she was out in no time.
…
"Hailey…Hailey!" For a good five seconds she swore it was in her dream. Jay calling her name, something she hadn't heard in forever. She smiled in her sleep, dreaming about something far more precious and wonderful than Jay in the ICU. But when he called for her again she opened her eyes, finally seeing what was going on. Jay had somehow tangled the cannula around his face and it was pulling on his ear. Perhaps he'd tried to yank it off in his sleep, but regardless he was in a bit of a mess and Hailey was up and fixing it.
"Here, let me fix this," she spoke while trying to stave off a laugh. He was like a little kid, shaking his head as he fought to not have the thing put back on. His arms were now awake, moving to block her fingers from putting the cannula back under his nose.
"Hey! You have to keep this on. It's that or a mask and you'll really hate it."
"I don't want it," monotone Jay whined.
"Too bad. It has to stay on till the doctor says you can take it off." Jay gave up the battle, his arms collapsing back onto the bed as Hailey got everything back in place. She was quite proud of herself for being able to complete this little medical thing. Jay twitched his upper lip to adjust the cannula, sniffing a couple times before letting the tiny tubes rest in his nose. The oxygen that was flowing into his nose smelled awful. It was pure, fresh air and smelled like sterile things, Jay's mush mind concluded. The deep inhaling of the stuff made him cough a little, that being a cue for a lot of pain. Jay coughed once more cursing under his breath as he clutched his chest.
"Hey hey. Take it easy," Hailey soothed as she grabbed the bottle of throat spray that the nurse had left for her. Since Jay had been intubated for so long, his throat was going to be sore and scratchy over the next few days. Everyone swore his voice would return to normal, but between now and then he needed to use the spray religiously to avoid cough attacks.
"Open your mouth," she softly spoke and Jay just stared at her weird. When she held up the spray and said it would help did he finally open his mouth. Hailey sprayed three times, telling Jay to swallow as she put the bottle down.
"Better?" Jay nodded, things calming down.
"It hurts," he whispered a few moments later.
"What hurts?" Jay didn't have the strength to sit up and show her what he was referring to, but he'd been feeling the pain, strain, great discomfort the entire night. It's what woke him up the first time and it's what got him up this time. Jay moved his finger and pointed downward. At first Hailey thought he was talking about his chest, but when he shook his head kept pointing south did she figure it out. Now she was really trying to not laugh at him.
"It's gotta stay in, dude."
"It's hurts. Take it out." Hailey shook her head.
"No Jay. You can't even sit up right now, let alone get up and walk to the bathroom. It will come out at some point, but not tonight."
"But I don't want it," Jay plead, Hailey swearing she heard emotions behind him. She took his head, raised it to her lips and kissed his fingers. Jay just looked at her, still pleading for her to help him. He was in pain, why was no one coming to help him.
"Jay, there's a lot going on that you aren't aware of. I'm sorry, my love. But it has to stay in." Hailey watched with pained eyes as a tear dripped down Jay's face, another soon joining in the other eye. He was scared, that much was obvious. Again, this was a very new side of Jay that was taking Hailey aback. Out of the two, he was always the brave one, the comforter to her biggest fears. So to have the tables turned was strange, something that she now realized she never wanted to have happen again.
"Where's Will," Jay asked as Hailey wiped the tears away. Hailey was trying to not get upset over the fact that Jay was trying to use Will as a bypass to get what he wanted. He failed with Hailey, surely Will would listen.
"He's at home. He stayed with you last night and offered the babysitting duties to me tonight." Jay nodded, closing his eyes and letting out a quiet grunt and whine. He was in pain, but Hailey was beginning to suspect it was everything else. This was the most awake Jay had been the entire time, certainly the pain indicators were up and running once more.
"It hurts. All of it," Jay spoke through his still closed eyes.
"Do you want something for the pain? Maybe something to help you sleep?" Jay nodded as Hailey hit the red button of help.
"Ssssshhhhh. Sssssshhhhhh, try and relax Jay." As Will promised, help came running in no time. Jay's nurse and a second pair of hands were at the door and inside the room before Hailey could repeat the phrase.
"What's going on?"
"He woke up and said he's in pain." The nurse nodded, looking over the bed and right at Jay as she waited for him to open his eyes.
"Hey there, Jay. How bad is it on a scale of one to ten."
"Nine," his voice shook.
"Okay, sounds like breakthrough pain. We're going to up the epidural drip a little and then give him a couple boosters."
"Can we also get him something to help him sleep?"
"Would you like that, Jay," the nurse asked. Jay was in too much pain to do more than nod his head. Hailey never left his side or her focus on him during this time. She was silent as things were set up and inserted into his body, gently ran her fingers along his arm as everyone waited for the drugs to kick. In her mind she counted the seconds that everything was taking, getting nervous when she was in the 120s and Jay still hadn't opened his eyes. The only reason she knew he was still awake was because he was squeezing her hand, in pulse-like fashion. It was his way of silently combatting the pain, something pre-Covid Jay would've done. There was the first glimpse into the hope that Jay would fully come back to them. A little over five minutes passed before Jay opened his eyes. When asked the pain scale he said it had gone down a little, a good sign that the pain meds were kicking in.
"Okay, this will help you sleep. It's not too heavy so you'll pass out in seconds but you'll definitely start to feel drowsy here in a moment."
"Okay," Jay spoke, watching the syringe get attached to an IV, the contents getting into his system before long. There was a slight, slight chill to his arm as the drug got into his system, that was a new feeling for him. And as promised, the eyelids started to droop and things got very, very calm just as the nurse left the room. It was time for Jay to figure out what was going on. He had to know why he was in so much pain and why he was in this strange room and unable to get out of bed. But he had to be fast, get it all out before the drugs took him back to that dark place.
"What happened," Jay spoke, looking right at Hailey. She sighed, looked down at his hand before speaking.
"A lot. But we can talk about that later."
"No, I want to know." Jay was really fighting things now. He so desperately wanted to sleep, but the need for answers was the only thing keeping him up.
"Jay…I shouldn't be the one to tell you and it shouldn't be right now."
"Get…Will…on the phone," Jay trailed. Hailey thought he was out for good, his whole body going limp for a couple moments. She was just about to get off the edge of the bed when he jolted back to consciousness, startling her a little.
"Where's Will?"
"Jay, I promise you we'll tell you. But right now you need to rest. Will's coming later in the morning and we can talk then." Jay was now properly pissed, truly unnerved that things were being kept from him. Dammit, it was his body, his life they were talking about. He needed to know, now. But the drugs were too strong at this point, nothing could keep him awake anymore. He felt Hailey kiss him on the cheek and say something about love before he fell back to sleep. Next time, he'd get what he sought. Meanwhile Hailey slunk back to the chair, reached for her phone and called Will.
"Hey, did I wake you?"
"Yeah, but it's fine," Will's sleep voice spoke. He yawned as Hailey adjusted herself in the chair and pulled the blanket back up.
"What happened?"
"He's woken up a couple times tonight, the pain was pretty bad the second time."
"Poor Jay. Did they give him stuff?"
"Yeah, it's all been taken care of and he's back to sleep. But Will…he's asking what happened." She could hear Will sigh, totally understanding why. This was not going to be an easy conversation. It was one they both knew was going to happen, but something they were not looking forward to at all.
"What did you tell him?"
"That we'll talk about it in the morning when you're here." Will sighed again, rubbing his eyes as he spoke.
"Okay. This will be a fun morning."
"I know. But it has to be done. The sooner he knows the sooner we can get past all of this." Will promised coffee and bagels in a few hours before the two of them hung up. Hailey continued to watch Jay till she fell asleep. Meanwhile Will laid in bed, wide awake, trying to figure out how one tells their brother that the lungs they fell asleep with are no longer there. Try figuring that one out with a few hours before you had to deliver it all.
…
"Good morning," Will greeted with the following morning. He was there a little after 9am today. The reason for the later than normal arrival was partly because Starbucks took forever but mostly because he'd slept through his alarm. What was intended to be a 7am wake up time wound up being 8am. He made sure to text Hailey of the delay in case Jay was awake and asking before getting up and racing through things. But, looking at the room now it appeared his text was both not necessary and most likely unread. Jay was just as asleep as Will left him last night, the only difference this time was that his head had rolled to the left side, facing Hailey. The other fun surprise was that Jay was sitting up more than he had the entire time in Med. It wasn't a full ninety degrees, but Jay could definitely look around the room a little more and be more comfortable when awake. Hailey meanwhile was sound asleep, on her side and facing Jay. It appeared she slept right through morning rounds and whatever happened between the phone call. Her hair was a proper mess, tangled and all in her face. Hailey's body posture screamed a rough night on the terrible sleep surface. She was letting out very quiet snore sounds through her mouth, Will not sure if he should wake her or just keep things just the way they were. He chose the second option, setting the coffee cups down on the little bed table before softly landing the bagel bag next to it. Will was in the process of grabbing his cup, holding the brim of it to his lips to test the hotness when he noticed Jay's feet beginning to move in bed. He took his first sip as the rest of Jay moved itself out of sleep, the arms rolling left to right against the blankets as his eyes slowly opened up. Jay would blink, daydream a little, and then close his eyes and start the process all over again. He was so drugged, and drained, Will concluded.
"Good morning, Jay," Will spoke Jay's way, smiling at him when his brother finally found him at the end of the bed.
"Hey," Jay very tiredly responded. Almost out of habit, Jay went right for the cannula, fingertips just brushing the tubes when Will stopped.
"Nope, that stays on." Will pulled Jay's hand back, placing it on the bed. Jay just looked at him confused.
"What?"
"The cannula, it's giving you oxygen that you need right now. It'll probably come off in a couple days, but right now it has to stay on at all times. How's the pain? Any soreness or bad spots?" Jay shook his head, taking in his newfound sights. Now at his new height, Jay was able to put some pieces together. He most definitely was in a hospital room, the everything about it confirming that. He stared straight out the glass door and wall in front of him, noting the stillness and dark nature to everything. There was no one else awake here, nurses just on the other side of the door, he figured he was on some special floor that was for really sick people. It didn't help him figure out the secrets Will and Hailey were keeping from him, but at least it did confirm where they said he was.
"I'm fine," Jay eventually slipped out under his breath, he was still searching around, trying to find more clues into his sad tale. It was the detective in him, it never turned off. He didn't see anything in the outside world so he chose to stay in the room. Will had decided to give him some space, let him go through the process of fully waking up. Will was busying himself with his bagel as Jay slowly turned his head as he looked around the room. For starters it appeared he was on every drug the hospital would legally allow. Jay lost count of the number of IV bags and other devices that were hanging above the bed and coming down towards him. His eyes got locked on the heart monitor, not finding anything other then funny lines that made no sense to him with numbers that didn't tell a thing. Next stop was the machine looking things in the room, Jay still not finding anything besides the fact that he was on a lot of things that quite honestly scared him. His last stop before just flat out asking Will were the IV bags, certainly there was something on there that would give it all away. From previous trips to the hospital, Jay knew that some bags had things written on them, whether they were in print or done by hand. Especially since he was on so many things, what was written would help people know what to replace. He started at one corner and worked his way towards the other. At first it was all that he had seen before. Bags of IV fluids that were giving him saline, random meds that he couldn't pronounce, and other nutrients that were keeping him not be hungry. But then he found one towards the end of his search that made him gasp a little. At last, he found something he didn't know and the wording on it that helped paint a picture.
"Why am I on anti-rejection meds?" Will was mid bite when Jay asked, Jay looking on with inward victory as Will's eyes went wide. Immediately the bagel was put down as Will turned his attention to his brother. This was not how this conversation was supposed to go. He was in the process of clearing his throat when Jay asked once more.
"Will, what are those drugs for?" Jay's inquisitive and slightly stern voice seemed to have woken Hailey up, because Will looked her way before going back to Jay, the two of them looking at each other as to who would kick things off.
"Well…" Will began. Hailey was now upright, brushing her hair with her hands as she worked to put it in a ponytail.
"Hey Jay," she sleepily greeted. He could only look her way and nod before going back to Will. This was an interrogation and Jay was going to get answers.
"Okay." Will clasped his hands, taking a seat on the right side of Jay's bed, Hailey taking the left. Two people sitting at the end of his bed, this was never a good sign. You don't tell people they beat cancer or survived a vicious attack when you're standing two inches in front of them and certainly you didn't delay good news. Best case, he was about to be told he lost a limb to Covid, bad news was that he had something terminal and was looking at end dates. Jay rolled his eyes, mumbling something about just spitting it out as he took inventory of all his extremities and found comfort in still having them all.
"So you remember having Covid, right?"
"I remember being told I have Covid. After that it all gets fuzzy." Hailey bravely smiled at him, nodding as she looked to Will as he continued.
"Well the reason for that was because you were put into a medically induced coma and were intubated before going up to the Covid ICU."
"Is that where we are now?" Will shook his head.
"No, this is a normal ICU floor."
"Well why are we here?"
"Jay, I'm getting to that," Will sighed. Hailey stifled a laugh. Even in telling of major news, those two found a way to get under each other's skin.
"So Covid was very bad. You were diagnosed with Covid pneumonia, had blood clots and very bad fevers and even a couple seizures. It was looking really bleak for quite awhile. But, you did manage to pull through." Will paused, letting all that sink into the room. It was crazy to think that all those days of trying, praying, fear and torture could be summed up in a handful of words. There was so much more that they could tell Jay, but that would be for the coming days and weeks as he began to truly process everything. Right now it was just sticking to the facts and main points of it all.
"Did something else happen? I'm not hearing where anti-rejection meds play into all of this. Unless we're rejecting a virus?" Now Will was groaning as he threw his head back.
"Jay, just let Will finish," Hailey cut in, saying something to Will about hurrying up.
"Yes, something else did happen. The Covid pneumonia…essentially destroyed your lungs." Will paused, raising his eyebrows while biting his lower lip, somehow thinking that would make it all click for Jay. It didn't.
"Okay?! I'm guessing lungs are important and since I'm still here and not on a vent…did they get better?!" Will shook his head.
"No, they didn't. Right after you got cleared from the Covid floor and moved up to this floor did a couple of doctors, and myself, decide that you were in need of a transplant. Well, they decided and then told me. Anyway, you quickly went through the evaluation process, were put on the UNOS list, and two days ago successfully underwent a double lung transplant." Again, another pause because it was quite crazy to summarize life into a couple sentences. Will left out all the crying and panic attacks and the eternal day that was surgery day, but it appeared his summary of Jay's life did the trick. Jay just kind of stared at him, there wasn't any freak out or crying or really anything. Looking at him you could see that he was calculating something in his mind, trying to wrap his head around what was being told to him.
"So the anti-rejection meds are helping you stay alive and breathing essentially. You have to be on those meds for the rest of your life because it's going to help your body not reject the new lungs. I'm sorry, Jay." Jay nodded, looking back at the IV bag for a moment before he finally said something.
"Can we…go back to the whole lung transplant thing? So these aren't mine?" Will and Hailey shook their heads.
"No, those came from a donor in Iowa."
"Did they die?" Will and Hailey nodded.
"So someone died so I could get their lungs?"
"Well, that's not why they died," Will spoke up.
"But they passed away and their lungs were a great match for you." Jay nodded, looking down at his chest for the first time ever. The blankets and gown were preventing him from truly seeing things, but it was all starting to make sense. The sharps pains all throughout his chest region, the fact that movement was not possible and why they all were so concerned with his breathing and oxygen intake. When he gave Will his medical decision powers, this was not at all in his realm of understanding. Will was just supposed to give the okay for meds or preventing unnecessary procedures, not allowing surgeons to rip open his chest and take out his lungs and switch them with a deceased stranger's. None of this made sense, but at the same time Jay was just beginning to understand the magnitude of what he'd survived. The fact that they had to do that just to get to this point only faintly told of how harrowing life had been. So while there was still so much to learn, accept, and overcome, he was feeling his first emotion since waking up: gratefulness.
"Are you mad," Hailey interjected into things. The lack of speaking was making her uneasy and she had to do something.
"No, I'm not mad," Jay quietly spoke back, sniffing a little as he tried to adjust in bed, which proved to be a bad idea since it made everything suddenly hurt.
"Don't move, man," Will spoke as he got up and helped Jay get back to how he was. Jay was motionless behind closed eyes, breathing through his mouth as the pain swelled and spread, his whole body radiating white hot pain as he mumbled that it was terrible. He could not open his eyes, his body shaking as he tried to just ride out the pain storm.
"Go get a nurse," Will told Hailey as he clutched Jay's hand. It was shaking incredibly, Will looking with great intent at the monitors as Jay's heart rate kept spiking.
"Jay, I know it's bad but try and relax." Will placed a hand on Jay's shoulder, constantly coaxing him to breath and release. Before long Hailey and the nurse came in, seeing what had happened before she even asked. More pain meds, a little more relaxant were administered into Jay's system before the epidural pump was tweaked once more.
"Is it helping?" Jay shook his head, making Hailey sighing before grabbing his other hand and just praying for the pain to go away.
"Okay, we're giving you more stuff. I'm sorry, Jay," Will quietly spoke as another dose of pain meds were plunged into his system. Another round of questioning, more meds, and then finally Jay was able to pry his eyes back open. He wasn't out of the pain woods, but at last it was at a level he could see with.
"Do we know anything about the donor," Jay asked?
"Jay, we can talk about this later," Will responded, still holding onto Jay's hand.
"No, I want to talk about it now." Will looked to Hailey who just shrugged. This wasn't quite how they saw this all happening, but here they were. Will didn't say anything till the nurse left the room, a promised check in in a little while being her final words to them.
"It was a guy a little younger than you. It was at a hospital in Iowa and beyond that we don't really know a whole lot else. It's too early to ask about the recipient's family and I'm not sure they'd want to talk to us right now."
"Why not?"
"Jay, it's only been two days," Hailey said. Jay looked her way, in that instant the sound memory of something some time ago playing in his mind. It was her voice but it was rather crackled, like through a phone. She was saying she loved him and that she would be there when he woke up. Not too long after that Will was telling him to behave. He had no sense of time or when those voices spoke to him, but now knowing what he did, that had to be surgery day.
"You okay in there," Hailey inquired? Jay reopened his eyes, once again unaware he'd closed them. He nodded, looking between Will and Hailey as he spoke.
"What day is it?"
"April 12th," they spoke together. Jay's eyes went huge.
"It's April?"
"Yeah," Hailey replied, squeezing his hand as a way of being apologetic.
"When did I come in?"
"March 13th." A month, a whole freaking month he'd been checked out from life. He suddenly felt so behind, so out of reality, how could he move on with life.
"I'm sorry, Jay," Hailey spoke.
"Why?"
"Because you've been through so much. You lost something."
"It's okay." His voice was the most lost, confused, out of character that it had been since he woke up. She wasn't sure if this was a cover for something else, or that's just where they were with things. Hailey's natural and only reaction she could come up with was to lean and kiss his cheek. Touching him felt so wrong all of the sudden, the fact he didn't reciprocate the gesture or even react to it made her once kiss a quick peck on the cheek.
"Jay, why don't you rest for a little bit and we can talk later," Will announced, Jay accepting the idea without second thought. The small event and all it's fun little drugs that came with it were beginning to truly do their thing on him, sleep being a very welcomed thing right then.
"Love you, Jay. See you in a little bit," Hailey spoke, getting nothing more than a quick nod as Jay dozed off. He didn't say that he loved her, but he was still too out of it to really grasp that. Hailey knew that. Will knew that. But deep down Hailey was convinced that her greatest fear was coming true. Jay was different and not in the way she hoped for.