Chapter 11- Immunosuppression
"You ready," Will asked? Jay could only nod, not at all looking forward to what was coming next. The plan for today was a shower, and perhaps and couple laps around the room. The transplant floor was no joke. Unlike the ICU where things moved slow, were very meticulous and controlled by the patient's progress, the transplant floor wanted patients up and moving, progressing at a very certain pace. Now of course, the floor wasn't militant, if a patient needed a day of rest they were more than willing to give them that. But everyday, a goal was written on the information board in the patient's room, something they really, really wanted them to try before the day shift left for the day. So yesterday was all about Jay settling in, being able to sleep through the night without the use of the epidural, which he managed to achieve. Today's goal was a shower, Jay's choice, and the walking was the staff on the floor's decision. But before they could get to the long awaited shower, the epidural had to come out. Which is where we pick things up.
"Alright, we're going to help sit you up an then you're going to relax on Will," the doctor on the floor that day instructed. Jay nodded once more, quietly moaning as the wraps on his feet were completely removed before things were cleared for him to get in an upright position. This wasn't the first time he'd been moved, but knowing what was coming next made it all that much more dreadful.
"Count of 3. 1…2…3, push."
"Ow," Jay allowed to slip out as Will, and the nurse held Jay's back while the doctor took both his arms, the three of them moving Jay in one solid swoop. Jay closed his eyes when he began, opening to a world of dizzying sights.
"Super dizzy," Jay mumbled under his breath. Will took the back of his head and slowly pulled his brother to his shoulder.
"Just breathe, it'll be over in a second." Jay did as was told, counting random numbers as he waited for thing to level out. By the time he reached sixty he could see the window once more, the chair Hailey was sitting in, just staring at her as she looked on with such promised hope.
"Better?" Jay nodded, trying to adjust in his spot and immediately hating it. Part of him wasn't ready for the epidural to leave, assumed conclusion that he'd experience a lot of pain as he transitioned to more typical pain meds before going down to pill forms. He wasn't looking forward to that, but perhaps what he hated more was the truth that a needle was in his back, preventing him from being able to get up and walk around.
"Just relax, this won't take very long," the doctor spoke as he dropped Jay's gown to his waist. Jay tensed at that, mumbling something to Will about hating all of it as the IV line was undone from the port in the back. Hailey smirked, listening to the two of them go back and forth. It was classic Halstead brother's communication: one trying to talk sense into the other as they got properly upset. But it all stopped when the doctor took hold of the port in his hands, talking once again about that pressure Jay would feel as things were worked out of him.
"Here we go," was called out from behind Jay, who immediately shut his eyes as Will gripped him tighter.
"Ow," Jay painfully let out as the needle started to unlatched itself from his spine and work towards the surface. Hailey noticed that Jay had balled his once limp hands into tight fists. Out of instinct she lunged off the chair, taking both her hands and wrapping them around one of his fists.
"It's okay, it's almost done," she quietly spoke while stroking his fist. Just before Jay felt the pop of things being totally free, he gripped her hand. For once, Hailey thoroughly enjoyed the death squeeze that was coming from him.
"And we're done," the doctor announced as he put a bandaid on the insertion point. Jay breathed a very loud sigh of relief as Will relaxed his grip on Jay a little.
"Back down," Will asked? The nurse nodded, taking her supportive role once more.
"Wait…what happened to the shower," Jay asked as he was lowered back to his spot on the bed.
"You just had a needle pulled out of your back, Jay. You're gotta sit still for an hour or so before we can get you back up. If we move you too soon we could do something to your spine or give you a really bad headache."
"Fine," Jay exhaled, not looking forward to having to be moved again, but it was what it was.
"Hey, is he allowed to change into normal clothes," Hailey asked?
"Sure, if that's what he wants. He doesn't have the catheter anymore or anything that would be difficult to access with regular clothes," the doctor spoke. Hailey looked to Jay, eyebrows perked up a little as a way to try and talk him into the idea.
"Yeah, I don't want to be walking the hall in a dress," he joked. Hailey smirked at him, delighted to have Jay's sense of humor back right then.
"Well, I don't mind going back to the apartment. Aside from clothes is there anything else you'd like me to get?" Jay looked in the direction of the window for a moment, trying to come up with some distant memory of what of his was at Hailey's apartment. His mind came up with nothing, slowly shaking his head as he looked back at her. It was quite hard to hide her disappointment.
"Okay…what can he wear?"
"Nothing tight, preferably something that zips or buttons in the front." Hailey simply nodded, gathering her stuff before promising to be back soon, asking Will to text her when they were starting Jay's shower so she could be back in time so that Jay wasn't sitting in the room shivering and clothes-less. She didn't leave with the usual 'I love you,' did a little more than smile and wave to Will and Jay as she slipped out. Jay somehow failed to pick up on the change in her mood, but Will was very much paying attention to it all. The doctor and nurse eventually left the room, promising to be back later to clear Jay for his shower.
"So what's going on with.." Will began, turning to face his brother only to find him passed out. He wasn't one to pry into personal lives, but after all he and Hailey had been through and the challenges Jay had overcome to reach this point, he was not about to have fate ruined because of temporary things. But alas, it appeared he'd have to dig into things whenever Jay was awake and ready to chat again.
…
Ninety minutes later, because that was how long Jay's morning nap wound up being, Will and the nurse were once again getting him in the process of sitting up and ready to head towards the bathroom.
"Just like last time, if you get dizzy or anything else let us know," Will said as he slid his arm behind Jay's back, taking his hand before they counted down till the move.
"And go," the nurse instructed as the two of them pushed Jay up before quickly spinning him to the edge of the bed.
"Oh, that feels weird," Jay spoke as his toes brushed the ground for the first time in over five weeks.
"Okay, we're going to go slow. You're probably going to buckle a little but we're not going to let you fall." Jay nodded, his nose twitching as the cannula was removed from under his nose. At last, full independent breathing was happening. The next very tedious task was water proofing all the IV ports that were still on him. For reasons beyond what Jay could understand, those could not get water on them. He tried to not get annoyed as they wrapped plastic wrap around his arms and neck before taping everything into place. He didn't get why the things couldn't get wet, it was just plastic after all. But despite his thoughts he remained quiet, choosing to look in the direction of the window instead of what was happening on his arms and neck. He was a little proud of himself for not freaking out about the IVs yet, not wanting to change that now.
"Let me text Hailey real quick," Will mumbled as he reached for his phone, sent out the alert that the shower was happening, and then returned to Jay's side.
"We're going slow," he told his brother directly in the eyes. He knew Jay, he knew that he'd try to bolt for the bathroom to prove that he was the best, strongest, most incredible patient they'd ever seen. But what poor Jay never realized was that wasn't how hospitals rated patients, beyond the fact that they didn't really even rate. But Will wasn't going to let Jay start to hinder things at this point. He'd come so far, had been recovering so beautifully, he was not about to let a brisk walk to the shower slow things down.
"I know," Jay spoke back. Will raised an eyebrow, getting another word of reassurance from his brother that he would do as was told.
"Alright then, let's go take that shower." It was both the most freeing and strange experience he'd ever felt in his life. After weeks of not knowing what solid ground felt like beneath his feet, he was almost pained a little at the pressure points that were being activated under his heels and toes. Indeed, Jay did buckle a little under the weight of his own person, but the nurse and Will were right there to prevent anything from happening. It was in that re-gathering of himself that the truth of the weight loss was really driven home. Jay felt like he could lift off the ground, be plowed over by a puppy, he was so much lighter than however far back he could remember.
"When do we get on a scale," he asked as the very first step was made in the direction of the bathroom. Will chuckled over that one. In this very ceremonious, huge step in the recovery journey, quite literally, Jay was thinking about something completely different.
"We can go grab one and bring it in here. It's an at-home one so it'll be pretty accurate."
"You want to do that," Will asked? Jay nodded. The era of not knowing had to come to a close. He needed to know the final damage count of this virus, surgery, weeks of torture to begin figuring out where they go from there. The walk resumed, one very shuffled, together and apart and together again motion happening, but Jay was doing it. Will so wished they could be recording this moment. It was symbolic, a visual of Jay getting up, walking through the adversity and finally standing up to all that had taken him down for so long. They only stopped when they were at the bathroom door, the nurse sliding it open before revealing the very large, grey room.
This bathroom was probably twice the size of Hailey's, certainly large enough for a wheelchair or bed even, definitely could have a large shower party if that was ever a thing to do in a hospital. It was laid out very similar to the ICU bathroom, the toilet and it's scary cord over to the right with the sink in the middle with the very large, open shower taking up the whole left side of the room. The light was turned on, not really doing much since it was rather soft lighting.
"Hold up," Jay stopped them as they walked by the mirror above the sink.
"What, pain?" Jay shook his head.
"I want to see," he said. Now standing, he could really make out the weight loss. His head looked like the biggest thing on him, the hospital gown practically falling off his shoulders and not showing any kind of toned, body definitions. His whole frame looked and felt so small, the weight loss so bad you could start to see it in the face. He looked every bit as sick and weak as he felt, not at all pleased with how things had gone in the last few weeks. But despite all of it, he saw himself. What was staring back at him wasn't good, but it also wasn't permanent.
"I'm ready to eat actual food," he joked. Will smirked, gently patted his back as a way to get him towards the shower.
"We'll get there. Don't worry." So much easier for Will to say, he wasn't the one that looked like some survivor of a horror event. Jay was guided to the bench in the back corner of the shower. It was a fold down, metal material and was extra cold when Jay's ass finally touched down. But he was so relived to not be using his very sore abdominal muscles anymore that he didn't really care. From there the nurse went to grab the shower kit from somewhere down the hall, Will staying by Jay's side till she returned.
"Still doing alright?" Jay nodded.
"Is it okay if you just help me?" Will furrowed his brow.
"Jay, they don't care. They've kind of seen everything."
"Yeah, but I just would rather it be family that helped." Will sighed, he got what Jay was trying to say. He was scared, embarrassed, not ready for strangers to see him like that, even though they already had but Jay was too passed out to remember. So when the nurse returned Will asked about Jay's request and she was very happy to oblige.
"Absolutely! I'll grab that scale while you guys are in here. The towels will be right outside the door."
"Thank you," Will spoke as she closed the door. Jay kept asking if the door could lock, wanting to make sure no one could get in there while he was fully exposed. Will reminded him it was a hospital and they didn't lock people in places, but that no one would come in without asking first. Jay was very much safe.
"And here we go," Will spoke as the gown was fully pulled off, Jay immediately folding his arms and cradling them close to his waist as the water warmed up.
"I'm really cold," he shivered through his teeth just before Will held the shower head over the top of his head. Part of Jay was worried the weight of the water would feel terrible against the incisions, bruising, just everything that was still trying to heal on him. But much to his surprise, it was the most relaxing thing he'd felt in a long time. He closed his eyes, taking deep breaths as the water trickled down through his face, onto his torso and back before pooling on the bench and then dripping to the floor. Will ran the shower head all over his body, going extra slow around the abdominal and chest area before returning the head to its' holder. He was so ready to get all the nasty, sticky stuff they put on his brother before surgery, hopeful to get a lot of the marking off of him as well. But the most important thing was washing his hair because, let's face it, Jay smelled. He smelled like he hadn't bathed in five weeks.
It was in the pouring out of the shampoo into his hands that Will realized this was a perfect time to bring up the whole Hailey thing. It was just the two of them, no one else could come in and interrupt, and Jay was definitely awake enough to have a decent conversation. Jay would probably not like to have it while he was completely naked, but otherwise this was a great moment to try and sort things out.
"So what's going on with you and Hailey," he asked as the shampoo finally touched down on Jay's head.
"What? What do you mean?"
"Jay, I've been by her side this entire time. Literally, the first night you were here I went to her place and we've been sharing the apartment."
"You have?"
"Idiot, you asked me to."
"Oh yeah. Forgot about that," Jay smirked quietly.
"Anyway, we've both been through a lot. We've had our share of crying, celebrating, just trying to endure all of this and will you to keep going. And she's put on a great front, even when things were bad, she was right there trying to understand everything and wanting to help you so bad. But last night and now today, I've never seen her this let down and hurt almost. So, I ask again, what happened?" Jay sighed, allowing Will to rinse the shampoo out of his hair before he spoke.
"I don't know. Seriously I don't."
"Jay, do you still love her?" We love Will and his desire to just jump to the source of everything.
"Yes," Jay shot back immediately, a little ticked that his brother even had the audacity to even ask that.
"So what's going on?"
"I don't know. I've just got to work things out first. I'm…I don't know."
"Scared," Will cut in? Jay didn't say anything, very true to himself. Never would Jay Halstead admit to being scared, it was just not in him. So the silence was the confirmation.
"Jay, I fully understand that you've been through something traumatic. Out of everyone, you experienced the most. You feel asleep thinking you were going to die from some unknown virus and woke up to being told that you had major surgery and some very vital things were switched out for someone else's. That's a lot to wrap your head around and accept. We all understand that and want to help you. But, you also have to realize we went through a lot too. Did you know that Hailey didn't get to see you till after surgery?"
"Really?" Will nodded.
"Yes, for a month she could not come to see you, was only going by what I called and told her. She talked about, a lot, how you guys had this great plan of being together during lock down and it would be a trial run for what the future could hold, and instead she got one night that lead to the next day, something rather terrible taking over it all. She missed you so much, she really, really does care for you. Don't leave her hanging, Jay." Jay was quiet for awhile after that, letting Will continue to scrape the last few weeks off of him as he thought. Will was spot on, it wasn't just Jay who went through this crazy time, it was everyone involved in his story. He was being selfish, and rightfully so. It was very natural to look inward, see your hurt and pain and trauma that you had to overcome, but it was also very important to know that other people were experiencing the same feelings. Especially when everything was happening so fast and so unexpectedly, the trauma spread that much harder and farther. In an instant Jay felt like a total creep. His biggest cheerleader in life was getting kicked to the side. And that one stung.
"I'm sorry, I just thought people got that I need some time to just figure things out."
"Jay, we do get that. I know I do. You have a whole month of life to figure out and grasp what happened. But at the same time, I think you need to tell Hailey that. It's part of recovery, you have to recover to a point where emotions, sexual experiences decided to come back. You're just not there yet. But I think having her hear you say all of this will help a lot." Jay nodded, remained silent till the water was shut off and the very first shower was complete.
"Here, let's drape this over your shoulders," Will spoke as the towel landed on Jay's upper body. Then came the towel wrapped around the waist after Jay was successfully pulled into a standing position. Just like clockwork, Will opened the door to Hailey breezing into the room, Jay's overnight bag practically thrown onto the bed.
"Did I make it," she panted, hands resting on her knees as she gathered herself.
"Perfect timing," Will joked. Hailey sighed out loud, standing and breathing deep before she went over to Jay and helped him back towards the bed.
"You're walking so well! And…you smell like a shower." Jay smirked, the dilemma of how to get dressed taking over everything else.
"So how are we going to do this?" Will pulled the clothing out, thinking quietly as he picked the articles out one by one.
"Okay…I'm going to put the underwear down here, just step into them and hold onto my shoulders," he started to figure out as he dove towards the floor. Jay's face was reddening from embarrassment as he did what was told.
"This whole part is to be forgotten," he said as Will gently landed the boxer briefs on Jay's waist.
"I think we all get that," Will spoke as Hailey laughed for all of them. They did the same thing with the pants, Jay lifting his feet one at a time before they were pulled up to their appropriate position. The easy part was the zip up hoodie, just pulling his sleeves through and then bringing it all together. Hailey helped with that part, Jay feeling like a life size doll at this point.
"Wait, scale," Jay pointed just before the two of them tried to help him get back in bed.
"Oh yeah," Will remarked. Hailey breathed in, not fully ready to see the number because she wasn't really sure how she'd react, how Jay would react. But regardless, they all needed to know. It was just a number, and a number that could very easily change. Will and Hailey grabbed Jay into their arms, the three of them walking towards the little glass square sitting on the floor next to the bathroom. There was a collective pause and look around before the feet reached up to step on the scale of truth.
"You ready to find out?"
"Will, this is the least of my issues at this point. I'll be fine." Will shrugged his shoulders, enjoying this rare moment of confidence from Jay. All three of them watched as the scale blinked while it scanned, and then it stopped.
"Holy shit," Jay breathed out as the answer seemed to be beaming a ray of light back in his face: 143.6. Hailey gasped, Will's eyes way bugged out, the two of them looking right back at Jay with nothing coming out of their mouth.
"How much did you weigh before all of this," Will finally gasped out.
"170 maybe?" Jay had lost twenty-seven pounds in five weeks. This one ranked up there in the shock department.
"It'll come back. You'll get back there," Hailey encouraged. Will nodded his agreement. It was gong to take a lot of eating, work outs, and just time for everything to heal and settle, but Jay would get there no doubt. Before long Jay announced that he was tired, in need of some rest. Will and Hailey helped him get back into bed and tucked in before he passed out for awhile. It wasn't until Jay was out for a long time that Will decided to move his life coach moment to the next step.
"Hey, so I talked to Jay."
"About?!" Will just looked at Hailey with a most obvious face.
"I can see you're hurt."
"No, I'm not."
"Hailey, you are. You're worried about Jay and how he feels about you." Hailey could only nod, head going down towards her lap, both ashamed to even be thinking that and embarrassed that she was obvious enough that Will picked up on it.
"Talk to him tonight. I'll go home so you two can have some time together."
"But, you went home last night. I don't want to get things off track."
"Hailey, it's time you two had a good talk about things." She could only nod, both looking forward to getting things out in the air but also very worried what might come out of it all. To say it was a quiet, slow afternoon was an understatement.
…
8pm eventually rolled around, Will slowly rising from his seat on the couch as Hailey looked away from her phone. It was almost comical how she and Will had developed the same communicating through the eyes that she and Jay had established. It must've been a Halstead thing, this way of talking without speaking being the only way they truly shared things. For most of the day things were silent, only the noise of the TV in Jay's room being the constant sound coming out of the room. The news of the world was rather grim. The plan of fifteen days to flatten a curve was looking to be months, some even saying over a year before things to begin to return to some kind of a norm. Masks were going to become the new wardrobe staple, summer looking to be cancelled before it even got started. None of what was being reported was good, couple that with things being an election year, and you've made a very dismal afternoon of TV. Other than the occasional discussion of what the TV was telling them, no one in that room really tried to make small talk. They were a little jealous of Jay, who was still finding ways to sleep massive chunks of the day away. It appeared the goal of getting him to sit up in a chair would have to be tried again the following day, the shower doing enough to knock him out for the duration of the day.
"Should we wake him up," Hailey quietly asked? Will was in the middle to stretching his very tired self as he stared at her with a very puzzled face.
"Why would we wake him up?"
"Because he hasn't exactly gone to the bathroom and I'd assume he'd want your help."
"Yeah, but I think you and the nurse can handle that when he wakes up." Hailey just looked on at Will, almost silently pleading for him to play along with her idea. Will eventually shrugged. Waking Jay up wasn't going to be the worst thing in the world.
"Jay…hey bud. Can you wake up?" Will very gingerly jostled Jay shoulder, asking Jay once more before his brother groaned his way to waking up. Waking up was still a slow task, Jay's eyes taking a long time to blink and open fully before the rest of him tried to regain consciousness.
"Hey, I'm getting ready to leave. Do you need any bathroom help before I go?" Jay considered Will's offer for a couple minutes, eventually nodding as he rubbed his eyes. Hailey rose from her seat as Will pulled the blankets down and put his hand behind Jay's back. The two of them had done this so many times now they had it down to a science. The countdown happened, the one smooth push had Jay upright, and before they all knew it he was back on his feet.
"Now remember, tonight it'll be Hailey and the nurse doing this," Will reminded as they started the very slow march to the bathroom. Jay nodded, very quietly said something about all that being fine. Hailey stayed with them till they got the the toilet.
"I'll give you two some privacy," she spoke. It wasn't her place to stay there and watch. She was pretty sure later on it would be her task to help Jay, but for right now she wanted to respect his privacy and give him that time. As Jay did his thing Hailey tidied the room up a little, putting pillows back on the couch before lining up her and Jay's bags to where they weren't in the way of things.
"Hailey, we're ready," Will called from the bathroom before long. When she got in there Jay had managed to turn himself around, waiting for his right support system to return.
"I think the renal system is doing just fine," Will spoke as they made it back into the room.
"Yay," Hailey celebrated.
"Can we not discuss the topic of my urine," Jay groggily put in.
"Get used to it bro. It's a big topic in a hospital." Hailey smirked as she watched Jay's face redden, clearly he wasn't thrilled and couldn't do anything about it. In no time Jay was back in bed, once again asking about real food before Will reminded that it would start in the morning.
"Have a good night, you two. I'll be here at 8am," Will spoke in farewell. Jay and Hailey waved to him, watching till he disappeared from their sight to go back to whatever they were doing before. Jay chose to just close his eyes, breathing through the cannula and just taking in the sweet sounds of his own breaths. Hailey meanwhile was scouring her bag for a couple granola bars. Her appetite wasn't the best today, her stomach never having the desire for a large meal.
"Where the hell are they? I know I packed them," she spoke under her breath, now elbow deep in the bag when Jay finally spoke up.
"Hey…we need to talk." Hailey completely stopped in her tracks, head flying out from the bag and in the direction of him. She was the face of flustered, surprised it was Jay who had decided to start this whole thing.
"Oh…okay," she puffed out. The bag was put down, yet she didn't leave her spot on the couch. She wasn't sure if Jay wanted space or for her to move in his direction, but she felt any kind of movement would make this too much.
"You can sit over here. I don't bite," he joked as he put his hand on the bed. Hailey smirked, rising from the couch and landing on the left side of the bed. She almost reached out to touch his hand, but the fresh memories of Jay pulling back kept her twirling her fingers in her lap instead.
"Look…I'm sorry for the way I've been acting."
"Jay, you don't have to apologize…for anything." Jay waved his hand, shaking his head before he continued.
"No, I do need to. You've been nothing but here, supportive, amazing so far and I feel like I'm sending you the wrong messages." Hailey had to agree with that, almost ashamed to nod her head, but she did. Jay bit the inside of his mouth, now both of them not looking at each other.
"Hailey, I do love you. I hope you know that."
"I do," she quietly spoke back.
"But Jay, I just get this sense that things have changed. That maybe it's not the same as it used to be…or ever will be again." Silence fell over the space for quite some time, the two of them still not looking at other, now trying to not cry or freak out at each other.
"Well, maybe some things won't go back to the way they once were," Jay finally spoke up.
"And I don't know what that new normal looks like. But I do know that I want you there." Now Hailey found the courage to look up at him, noting how both of them were on the verge of tears. His tears were certainly from fear, letting her down, who knew what else. But Hailey was now crying because she felt nothing but relief. Jay was absolutely right, none of them knew what the future would now look like. But the fact was that Jay told her he loved her and still wanted her to be with him. That was more than enough for her right now.
"I want to be there too," she spoke through the tears. Jay nodded, wiping the single tear that was dripping down his face away.
"Hailey, I fell asleep one way and woke up to not knowing anything about myself anymore. I have a huge amount of time, life, and all this to figure out." Jay gestured to the room, himself as he spoke that.
"So, I just need some time to work through all of this. I do love you, but right now I just need some time." Hailey nodded, she totally got it. She knew all along this was the issue, that Jay had to find himself once more. As much as she wanted for him to wake up and they go back to barely being able to keep themselves off each other, reality was a reminder her that that wasn't the case. Jay was different, but it was rather comforting to know that his love for her appeared to be unwavering.
"Okay, I can give you that. And whatever else you need, Jay. You know I'd do anything for you."
"I do. I'm sorry that I lead to believe something else, but I'm just not ready for…you know."
"The sexual, emotional side of stuff. I understand," she finished for him. Jay nodded, extending his hand for her to grab. Such a big thing for him, Hailey beamed as she accepted.
"I love you, Hailey."
"I love you too, Jay." Oh how badly she wanted to reach over and kiss those perfect, freckled lips, but she had to respect his request for distance and time. Yes, being apart, in a way, was going to be strange. But when the time was finally right, it would all be worth it. Hailey squeezed his hand a little more as he tugged it in a loving way.
"Did Will talk to you too," Jay jokingly asked? Hailey laughed and nodded.
"Since when was he a relationship guru?"
"I don't know." In an instant it all felt so right, so normal once more. Jay loved Hailey, he was recovering, once again their time together had resumed. Take away the hospital and five weeks when they were apart, it felt like day two of quarantine together.
"Now go find whatever you were diving for in that bag," Jay teased, releasing her back to the couch.
"Granola bars. I hope you won't be mad if I eat in front of you."
"I'm going to be jealous of you eating those bars, but you can totally eat in front of me." Hailey smiled as she laughed, digging in once more before cheering in celebration of finding the bars. She may have really pushed how tasty and fulfilling the bars were in front of Jay, which earned her more teasing and insane jealously from Jay. They laughed together, talked back and forth like they always did, were once again enjoying being in the presence of each other. No matter the future in front of them, they were going to be okay.
…
"Good morning," Will extra excitedly greeted, earning an extra large smile and wave as he came through the door. It was almost customary now, whoever got the full night's sleep had to walk through the door with Starbucks, hot Starbucks in hand. Will waved back by lifting the drink carrier in his hand, handing off the bag of goodies to Hailey.
"How did he do," Will whispered? Jay was still asleep, head turned away from the two of them, hand resting on his stomach as he very peacefully and deeply slept. Hailey sighed, taking her venti cup of black coffee with sugar and mint syrup.
"It wasn't the best of nights. He's missing the epidural."
"Something I never thought I'd hear any of us say," Will joked. Hailey snorted through her sip of coffee, nodding in agreement.
"I know, right?! What a crazy year this is."
"So what, he kept waking up?" Hailey nodded.
"He said his back hurts a lot more and it hurts in inhale."
"Yeah, that's pretty par for the course at this point. Did they ever get it figured out?"
"Eventually, but he's super drugged now. He's only been asleep for a few hours." Will nodded, removing his cup and taking a sip. It was in this move that it clicked in Hailey's mind. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep or just the elation of their talk the night before, but she was kind of kicking herself for not spotting it right away.
"Wait, there are three cups here." Will perked his eyebrows up. Hailey dove into the food bag, immediately coming back up in excitement.
"There's food for three in here." Will smirked, trying to not laugh out loud as Hailey connected the pieces.
"He can finally eat?" Will nodded.
"Yeah, it was going to be a glorious moment of waking him up with coffee and food but…" Will pointed to Jay who was mouth snoring now. Hailey wasn't having him miss out on this long awaited moment. Hailey was out of the chair, at Jay's side and ever so gently, yet with effort, shaking Jay's shoulder.
"Jay…JAY! Dude, wake up." Will was full on laughing, watching her repeat things two times before Jay even decided to twitch. She shook him one more time before he opened his eyes, a little perturbed someone was waking him up from his pain medication high. But, it was in the looking around that he found Will, who was holding the Starbucks coffee cup up for him to see.
"You want this?" Jay was fully awake in the snap of a finger.
"You aren't messing with me, are you?" Hailey shook her head, a face of great excitement.
"We're not. And look! You have food too!" Will handed Jay the coffee cup as he raised the head of the bed up a little, making it easier for Jay to sip and eat in bed. As Hailey scoured the bag, her face went from elation to confusion, eventually holding up the covered bowl with a couple holes at the top.
"Will…oatmeal?!"
"What," Jay immediately shot back. Hailey slowly, in a very comedic and confused manner pulled the bowl out of the bag.
"What, am I ninety years old," Jay teased? Hailey just started laughing, apologizing as she put the bowl on the table before fully letting the laughs out. Will could only shrug.
"Hey, you need to start with something easy and isn't too hard on your system."
"Yeah, that would be cereal, eggs, like any other breakfast food other than oatmeal."
"Hey, you eat that without any issues and you get to walk around the floor today."
"Oh goodie, is a walker included with that," Jay joked?
"If you want that," Will spoke back.
"Okay okay, you two. Let's just enjoy this moment. Here Jay, I'll spice this up with some brown sugar and dried fruit," Hailey spoke as she gathered herself.
"Oh God," Jay spoke under his breath. Hailey was stifling the laughs as she assembled Jay's breakfast, handing it off to him as Will pulled out the two bagels for Hailey and himself.
"Wait, you two get bagels and I get oatmeal?"
"Sorry bro, we can try that tomorrow." Jay sighed, allowing Hailey to put the spoon in his hand as the bowl was placed in the other. He could not believe grey mush was his first meal in almost six weeks. His mind went back to the last meal he had before this all started, truly craving the meat and salad right about now.
"Pull out the phone for this one. We need to document this historic moment," Jay joked as he put the spoon into the bowl, pulled out the smallest amount he could get and aimed it towards his mouth.
"Are you serious," Hailey asked?
"Completely joking," was the final word before it entered his mouth. It tasted every bit as weird, old, and odd as it looked, but it was food in his mouth nonetheless. His desperate tastebuds were delighted to finally taste solid food.
"Look at us, all having breakfast together," Will announced. Hailey nodded, looking to Jay who did his best to shrug through the pain as he kept nibbling at his meal. In reality, they should've taken a snapshot of this moment. Peace and quiet, calm, a new normalcy was finally reached. It was a time they'd look back at with great fondness.
…
"Hey, do you want to change before we walk around?" After Jay's wonderful meal of oatmeal, coffee, and just plain old water, he was immediately doused with anti-nausea medication. It was expected, given that he hadn't eaten in so long his stomach was going to, naturally, freak out with having to digest real things. It took half an hour, if that, before Jay got really quiet. The once lively and talkative person was resting against pillows, gently holding his stomach and staring out at nothing. When Will hinted that he might be feeling sick, Jay could only nod before dry heaving in pain and nausea. In record time the big guns were brought in, the rather embarrassing shot in the very lower back, upper butt was inserted into his system. Five minutes was all it took for the drugs to completely knock him out. Good news, he was going to sleep through the desire to vomit. Bad news, walking around the floor that morning was put on hold till Jay decided to wake up and feel ready for it. He didn't come around till just after 2pm. Hailey was in the room when he stirred, Will out in the hallway talking to someone. All she had to say was, 'wanna see what's outside this room,' and Jay was fully coherent and ready to get out of bed. So we find them in the process of getting Jay in a sitting position on the edge of the bed, all the IV lines and IV tree being prepped for the big walk.
"I have more clothes," Jay quietly asked? The meds were definitely tampering things, but the good news was that he wasn't throwing up.
"Yeah, I brought you a couple days worth. Plus, I can go home tonight and either wash these or get you more." Home, a word that Jay hadn't heard in so long. He really wasn't sure what that meant or where that was at this point. Memories were playing in his head just then, images from a very long time ago and a very different life. Part of him wasn't sure if he'd ever get back there, the rest of him wondering if she was talking about Jay's or her place.
"Sure, let's change really quick." Hailey nodded, patting his shoulder before going to his bag and pulling out things that matched and would be easy for him to put on and off.
"How's the nausea? Need another dose," Will quietly asked.
"I'll be fine till we're done with this." Hailey returned with another pair of black joggers, a button down shirt, and hospital socks with gripping patches on the bottom.
"At least they're not purple," she joked as she placed things on the bed.
"What's wrong with purple," Will asked while slowly unzipping the hoodie? Hailey shrugged.
"Nothing. Just a different color." Jay immediately closed his eyes, out of habit, as the hoodie was fully unzipped and removed from his upper half. He was still trying to get used to feeling air on his chest again, which was something no one ever thought to even consider. The best way to describe it was strange, this weird force that was very gently, yet consistently blowing on your skin. Which, for most people, was welcoming and cherished when it happened. But when you're recovering from major surgery on your chest and you have many incisions and bruising, that is the feeling that can either be your best friend or nightmare. Right now things were odd but okay, but Jay and everyone knew that could change in the snap of a finger.
"Hey, some of the glue is peeling," Will pointed out while inspecting things. Jay opened his eyes, looking down as he followed Will's finger to the spot. Sure enough, on the right side of his chest, right at the end of the large incision was a small amount of the surgical glue sticking straight up.
"Is that good?"
"Yeah, that's a great sign. It means things are healing." Hailey, who had been looking at the bed, floor, everywhere but Jay couldn't resist anymore. She looked Jay right in the face, waiting till his eyes met hers before asking the question.
"Is it okay if I look?" Jay was truly touched by that. They both knew she'd already seen everything, but this was an extension of her being there for him, asking his permission to examine something very personal and sensitive on him. This was the distance, time Jay was looking for and he was both elated and touched that she was going on this journey with him.
"Yeah, definitely." She smiled a little before looking away. Oh how she wanted to reach over and hold his hand, but she knew that was going to send a signal that she didn't go along with his request. They'd get there, but they weren't there just yet. So instead she kept her hands clasped together, leaning in a little as Will fingered the edge of the glue.
"Do you want me to pull it off?"
"Can it come off?" Will nodded.
"When it starts doing this, it's best to remove it. Otherwise it'll get snagged on something and, from what I've been told, when that happens it feels like your skin is coming off."
"Please, pull away," Jay quickly responded. Hailey smirking at his desire to not be in pain if he didn't have to.
"Okay, I'm going to go slow. But if any of this hurts let me know." Jay held his breath as Will pulled things free. At first it didn't feel worse then when you slowly pull a bandaid off. But then, with no warning, his skin and nerves were freaking out, telling him to stop everything immediately.
"That hurts," he gasped.
"Stop stop." Will ripped off the section that was already free, apologizing for making things hurt.
"But this looks really good," Will spoke.
"With the glue it looks gnarly and bloody but underneath it's a very clean line. It's still a little red and raised but that will all go down over time." Jay turned his attention to what Will was talking about, very gingerly running his finger along the area Will was motioning. Will was right, the line was raised and it did look pretty red, but he was also spot on about the incision. It was nothing more than a line, like a summary of a very detailed, wild adventure. What lay behind that incision was a tale you could fill a volume of books with, but at the surface it was not scary and was very approachable. Jay couldn't help but feel this was very good imagery to summarize his hospital adventure. At first glance it was very scary, daunting, and no one knew what it was going to look like. But as time healed things, what would be permanent would be alright, something you'd be proud to show off and was nowhere near as bad as it all once seemed.
"Feels weird. I can feel my finger on the incision but I can't feel my finger."
"That's the nerves not working right now. Don't worry. That'll come back." Soon the inspection time was over, the button down being placed through his arms before getting pulled up to his shoulders and Will slowly buttoned everything up. Jay couldn't keep his eyes off his chest, not looking up till things were no longer visible. Progress was happening, Jay was rather pleased with himself.
"And now the pants," Will said as they stood Jay up, Hailey undoing the tie as Will helped pull the socks off. The bottom half was much easier to undress and redress, in no time the IVs were being put back into place and the blood pressure cuff was worked up his arm and tightened to it's normal spot.
"And the bluetooth pule oximeters have to go on," Will announced as he clipped the things on each of Jay's index fingers.
"Why both," Jay asked as he twitched his fingers under the devices.
"Just to make sure things are accurate." It didn't make sense to Jay, but he wasn't going to fight it.
"Okay, IV tree has to go with us so…how are we going to do this," Will thought aloud. He didn't have it in him to ask a nurse for help. They were already busy with other patient's and this part was usually left to family members to help with.
"Let's each hold a side of him and one of us holds the tree," Hailey suggested. Will nodded, grasping the tree in his hand.
"Okay, ready?!" Jay was born ready to walk out of that room. He nodded, taking the initiative and going the first step before anyone else. Will and Hailey were quick to remind him to slow down, that it wasn't a race and they had all the time in the world. Jay nodded, but hated having to wait for them to tell him when to step, pause, and go again. It took a lot longer then he wanted, but eventually the door was opened, Hailey stepping out into the hall first before taking Jay, Will, and all the IV stuff with them.
This was his first hospital hallway and he concluded it was a good one. Oh, he'd been in hallways before, but never as a patient. Typically he was in the hallway, in a room for a few minutes, and then right back out into the hallway without even thinking about it. But now, having only seen rooms for the last however many weeks, the hallway was so welcoming, inviting him to come on out and see the great new view of things. It was a very calm hallway, no sounds coming out of the rooms and no one was running in between places. Most of the floor was empty, thanks in part to Covid. But the walls were a welcoming shade of pale yellow, the sunlight cascading in from the window at the end of the hallway was encouraging everyone to step on into the light and bathe in the vitamin D rays. Jay was on the verge of being overcome with emotions as he took those initial first steps. It was all so beautiful, the independence he was experiencing in being able to walk, see a new side of things, he seriously was holding back the tears.
"Are you crying," Will lovingly asked? Jay, as usual, was quick to shake his head.
"Jay, it's okay if you need to."
"I'm fine," he was quick to shoot back. Hailey smirked, gripping Jay's arms a little harder as her way of hugging him.
"You're doing great," she encouraged as they made it successfully past two empty bedrooms. They'd stop at each open door, examine the room and decide if Jay's was better or not. They took into account the view, size, and proximity to the bathroom. A couple of the rooms were a little bigger, but Jay concluded that he had the best view. In reality he had no clue what his view was, given that he hadn't made it to the window yet, but Will and Hailey played along with it.
"Let's hold up a second," Will announced when they were about halfway around the floor. The floor was, in essence, a giant oval. In the middle was the nurse's station, supply closets and other locked rooms, leaving the hallway to wrap around everything; creating this racetrack style oval. Jay had made it to the second turn of things before the pulse oximeter was going off on his left index finger. Will looked down to read things as Jay rested his hand on the railing that outlined the hallways.
"It's at 95%. Let's just pause here for a second."
"Is that bad," Jay asked?
"No, it's normal for it to dip. This is the first time you're really moving in quite sometime so it's okay for it to go down a little. It means you're exerting yourself." Jay nodded, looking down the hallway at his next challenge of things. In all honesty, he was starting to get tired, the lack of energy and medication doing a lot to make him want to stop and be carted back to the room. But the ever stubborn side of him said otherwise. He got out of that room and he was going to do the full lap back, if it was the very last thing he did that day.
"Okay, it's back up to 98%. Let's get moving."
"Wait! Hold on a sec," Hailey spoke up as she let go of Jay, turning to face the brothers as she pulled her phone out.
"Let me take a quick pic. Everyone at work is asking for one." Jay just stood there frozen, the thought of this moment being encapsulated in time really scaring him. He felt like he looked terrible, the weight loss and weakness going to be the only thing that people saw. Plus, he had no clue what pose to make or how his face should look in the photo.
"Aw, you two look adorable," Hailey smiled as she turned the photo towards the Halsteads. Jay had gone with the very neutral face and thumbs up approach, Will right by his side trying to support Jay's left side. It wasn't going to win any beauty contest, but Jay was surprised how himself he looked in the photo despite everything.
"Alright, let's go," Hailey announced as the phone was put away.
"Have they been kept up to date on stuff," Jay asked? Hailey definitely nodded her head.
"Oh yeah, every step of the way. They miss you, a lot, and I know will love the picture update." Jay smirked, looking away from the floor and back to the rooms. It was on this side of the floor that things started to make sense, how he was just like every other patient on this floor. It appeared this side was where all the action was taking place. They passed a room for someone having donated a kidney, another where someone received a kidney. There was a heart recipient and someone who was waiting for a transplant miracle. While he never saw faces, and it was Will who was pointing out what the terminology on the doors meant, it was starting to sink into Jay that he was just fulfilling his role on this floor. Every room had a story to tell, every miracle adventure was just as precious and incredible as the next. He was the Covid guy that had lungs that were so bad a transplant was his only chance of survival, but Jay was sure there were other stories that were just as crazy and amazing, if not more, then his. All were worthy of what they received, all were given second chances at a life; all were granted incredible gifts that they could not pay forward. So while this walk was serving a moment to checking things off, getting him one step closer to being able to go home, this walk, and every one after this, would be a wonderful reminder to Jay that he was a miracle and that he was not alone in this. For a long time, he felt like this very foreign thing that everyone was so careful around. Yes, he did make medical history as the first double lung transplant as a result of Covid. But everyday, people all across the country, the world were experiencing their own historic moments. In an instant Jay felt so fortunate to be apart of such a special people group. It was something he never, ever saw being apart of his life, but now in it he was ever grateful to carry the banner of organ donation.
"We made it! Awesome job, Jay," Hailey and Will congratulated as they made it back to the room. Jay was escorted right back into bed, not making a sound. He just sat on the edge before the feet were lifted up and his whole upper body was planted on the back of the bed, his feet coming in and under the covers last.
"You alright," Will asked as Jay was tucked back in? Jay, who had been staring into nothing finally snapped himself out of his daydream, exhaling as he nodded.
"So how long was the surgery," he asked, surprising the room at his question.
"It…was, a little over ten hours," Will finally spoke.
"When did it happen?"
"Like the date?"
"No, like when during the day."
"Oh, I think it was after 10am and you were done sometime after 8pm. It was a crazy day."
"I cried," Hailey cut in.
"We both did," Will corrected.
"What did you guys do for all that time?"
"Well, we sat in Sharon's office the whole time. We got all the updates on surgery, we talked a lot. About you, about the donor, about really anything. We also slept a little, read, just waited. Yeah, it was a crazy time. But we did it and were very happy to do it." Jay nodded, resting further back on the pillows a little before speaking again. He had so many other questions, but time was running out. Sleep was on the verge of winning again and he had to hurry up.
"How did they do the surgery?"
"Why are you asking all of this," Will inquired?
"Because I want to know." Will nodded, taking a seat on the bed as he pulled out his phone.
"Well, they made the large incision first before working on taking the lungs out one at a time. I think you were put on bypass and you were definitely on ECMO. You were actually on that before surgery."
"What's ECMO?"
"It's a machine that helps oxygenate your blood and then puts it back in the body. A lot of people who are really sick like you were get on that while they're waiting for a transplant."
"So they did it one at a time?"
"Yup, and your surgery was a little harder than they expected because with Covid, you had so many areas of fibrosis and just really damaged lung tissue that some of it had fused to your chest wall. That's why you're missing a rib, it had so much dead tissue stuck on it it was just best that they removed it." Will finally found what he was looking for, handing the phone to Jay before he spoke.
"Those are your old lungs after Covid." Jay's eyes were glued to the phone in his hand, both not believing what he saw and now extremely grateful to be where he was today. What was looking back at him on the phone looked like roadkill. There was so much black, destruction, he didn't know what lungs should look like but he knew this was not it. As he scrolled through the photos, Will and Hailey were quiet. Both were going back to that day, and the days before it. Both were quite happy to be where they were today. But both knew this was Jay's time to experience it all, he needed that quiet and moment or two or absorb it all.
"Is the black stuff Covid?" Will shook his head.
"No, that's the tissue that was dying as a result of the Covid and the infection that came right after. But you can't see Covid and it was out of your system here." Jay handed off the phone, his eyes really becoming heavy by the blink.
"Damn, things really were bad."
"Yeah…" Jay pulled the blankets a little further on himself, giving in to the temptation to close his eyes.
"Thanks Will…for saying yes for me," Jay said farewell with.
"You're welcome," Will quietly spoke back. He turned to look at Hailey, who had to hands over her mouth as the tears were falling down her face and around the hands.
"Hey, what happened to no more crying."
"Sorry, that was too beautiful to not cry about." Will smirked, getting up from the bed and towards Hailey as he hugged her. She chuckled as the two of them held on to each other, so beyond grateful that things had worked out for the better.
"He's gunna be alright," Will said.
"Yeah, he is." It was a quiet rest of the afternoon, a moment of rest, peacefulness, acceptance that life was in the process of going back to a norm.
…
The following morning was another round of everyone eating together, all sipping coffee and enjoying the very grim tales of the global news. Except this morning, Jay was going back and forth between a shake and coffee. After the big nausea episode the day before, that and he threatened to chuck oatmeal across the room if he saw it again, they all felt it was best for Jay to enjoy solid food but in liquid form. He needed the high caloric intake of a shake and plus, it would help fill his stomach without making him want to puke. He willingly took the shake, reminiscing over all the times he ran into the local smoothie place close to home, bypassing all the super healthy stuff for the nostalgia flavors like PB&J, cake batter, cookies and cream, and all the other super sugary selections. Alas, this particular smoothie was a mere banana strawberry smoothie, but it was doing the trick nonetheless.
"Good," Will asked as he watched Jay practically inhale the smoothie with deep gulps. Will half wondered how Jay wasn't in pain from swallowing that hard, but then he recalled all the serious pain meds that were in his system right now. Will was sure Jay was in some kind of euphoric state, going to collapse before too long.
"So much better than oatmeal," Jay spoke with a full mouth. Hailey meanwhile wasn't paying too much attention to the brothers conversing, because she was completely fixated on what was happening on the TV screen. Her biggest fear of this whole pandemic was sadly becoming true in some areas of the country. In New York City, the streets were completely deserted. With the exceptions of sirens going up and down the desolate streets, the city was quiet, very much motionless, almost like something out of a movie. The reporter on the TV was talking about the anxiety, dread, great fear that was taking place in the city. Sirens meant another life taken down by the hands of Covid, another set of family, friends that had to play chicken with the virus; hoping they'd get to see their person alive and in person once more. Hospitals were at max capacity, bodies were being stored in freezer trucks because the morgues were overrun. The final piece of the news story was about the low supply of ventilators, how some hospitals were beginning to pull an Italy, deciding who needed them the most. She actually shuttered at that one, perhaps being in a hospital with a patient fresh off of this Covid story was too much for her. But as Will and Jay kept talking about whatever, her ears were only in tune to what was being said. A widow was crying on the screen, talking about how her last conversation was with her partner of fifty plus years, was him talking about how fearful he was about going on a ventilator. The ventilator was almost a cue that death was near, the grim reaper of medical equipment. At this phase of the virus, if you went on the ventilator, the odds of you coming off were low and even then, it would be a long time before all of that. But what made Hailey drop her food onto the floor was how the widow described the passing of her husband, how she had to stand in front of a glass door and wave to her husband as he took his final breaths. She could not go in to see him, for fear of catching the very thing that took her husband's life.
"Hailey," Will spoke as he turned to watch her go almost limp into the couch. Jay stopped mid sentence to just look on at her with great concern and wishing for a way to get out of bed and help her. Will managed to grab her just before she fell all the way back onto the couch, holding her tight and asking what was wrong. But her mind was scrolling through a recap of the last few weeks of her life. Everything from their last night to the following night where Jay's lungs were being choked to death by the virus. Then to the final time they saw each other, how quick and emotionless it all was, Hailey only be able to wave to him as he was raced into the hospital and almost never to be seen again. The late night cry sessions with Will, the FaceTime calls in Jay's room with the grimmer and grimmer reports on how badly it all was getting for him. It was so real, like it was happening right then. So when Jay called her name out, she could only open her eyes and just let it all out.
"Hailey," Jay sternly, yet with a lot of concern called to her. They made eye contact before her whole body started shaking with the tears, fear, just emotions of everything.
"Can we turn the TV off," she quietly asked? Jay looked at her confused, clueless on how a TV could be doing all of this to her, but as he turned to finally pay attention to it, he connected the pieces. Covid, somehow they'd all moved on from that little aspect of things. Of course, a double lung transplant was far more time consuming and more life changing than a virus, but it was so easy to forget that that was the thing that kicked all of this off. If Jay hadn't come down with that, he wouldn't be in the room he was in right now and he wouldn't be on all the medication he was going to be on for the rest of time. By now he'd either be at home, hanging out with Hailey, or the two of them would be on a case. Everyone would be talking about Covid restrictions and testing and reminding everyone to wear a mask even though they themselves weren't a fan of the things either. There would be the conspiracy theories and the rumors going around about who got it, what the best treatment option was, and of course they'd be hurting for those that had come down with the virus, thinking that was the unimaginable. But no, none of that was the case. Jay had been there, done all of that, was a very big exception to the rule of things. Because with the small amount of information he had, he'd figured out that he was very, very lucky. That things were quite bad before a miracle came in and rescued him. But he'd somehow not acknowledged the fact that while he wasn't aware of everything, those who were caring for him were. They knew every story, lived every part of the process. If anything, the Covid side of things was more their burden then his. So Jay didn't think twice about turning the TV off, allowing the screen to go black instantly. When he looked back at Will and Hailey they were holding each other, both silent as they all allowed Hailey to work through things, feel whatever she had to feel in order to get better.
"I'm sorry," she spoke sometime later.
"You don't need to apologize," Jay quietly spoke. Will nodded in agreement, giving Hailey a final squeeze before pulling away. Hailey collected herself, locking in with Jay as she wiped under her eyes. God, she couldn't believe he was here, talking to her and looking right back at her. Part of her mind said this was fake Jay, that she'd wake up in a second to her empty bedroom, a missed call from Will saying the worst case scenario had come to pass.
"Are you okay," Jay asked, melting away any fear of him not being real. He was every bit as real as her reality. Jay was present and okay. They had made it to the other side.
"Yeah, it's just…that lady talked about her husband dying from Covid. How he was on a ventilator and never came off. It just.."
"-Hit too close to home," Will finished for her. Hailey nodded, sighing as she sat back on the couch. Jay could only hang his head, feeling great ashamed of himself for putting people he loved through the worst event of their life.
"Jay, it's not your fault," Hailey spoke, seeming to be reading the guilt that was all over Jay.
"To this day, we have no clue how you contracted the virus. You didn't do anything wrong."
"She's right," Will included.
"Jay, it just happened. It's going to keep happening, unfortunately, to a lot of people before we get this all under control. We're trying out best to stop the spread, but it's just the reality of things. But Jay, you have to believe us when we say that none of this is your fault. No one would ever blame you for getting Covid."
"I just hate that you guys had to live it all. Yes, I got Covid. But I don't remember any of it. I don't know what happened, I don't know how bad it got. I fell asleep feeling awful and woke up feeling very lost. I don't have anything that got me from point A to point B."
"Well, we can help you with that," Will spoke. Hailey nodded, pulling out her phone as Will began to speak.
"The first night was really bad. You spiked a fever. You had a bad fever when you came in, but it got very serious before midnight. You had a couple seizures, everything was basically shutting down. You developed Covid pneumonia not too long after. It might've been within forty-eight hours. I really can't remember."
"And during that time we couldn't come see you. But I think we lasted about a day before we decided to come to Med anyway and sit on the parking deck and try to find your window."
"Really," Jay asked, finally looking up at the two of them. They both nodded.
"Yeah, those were actually kind of fun times. It made us both really miss human interaction. Which, coming from me means a lot." Jay smirked, allowing Will to continue.
"So after that night we came to visit I decided to work on the Cover floor. Sharon let me transfer up there and I stayed on the floor till you got moved to the ICU. It was a very heavy, hard time working, but I came and saw you everyday. You struggled for a little bit, but eventually you came around and allowed stuff to work."
"Well, you know how I like to push things," Jay quietly joked. Hailey rolled her eyes, muttering something under her breath as she got up from the couch.
"Can I sit," she softly asked? Jay nodded, patting a spot for her to take as she handed the phone off to him.
"Here are some of the texts Will and I had while you were in there." Jay nodded, hovering a finger over the screen as he read. Some of the talk was just simple words, quick updates with numbers that meant nothing to him. He would pause on the videos, pictures, truly staring and examining them. He could not recognize himself in any of them, was still trying to figure out how the person in that bed was the same person looking down at the phone. The person in that bed was close to unrecognizable, looking gravely ill and not like someone who was worthy of such precious gifts. Jay really took attention to the time stamps of the texts, his brain trying to recreate a timeline of life. At last, he had something to help connect things together. They weren't firsthand accounts and certainly weren't something he could hold onto and fall back on, but it was something, some form of evidence that what was reported was every bit real.
"I also found out yesterday that not only were you the second patient to leave the Covid floor alive and Covid free, you were also the only person from your day of admission that survived."
"What," Hailey gasped. Jay just stared at his brother in stunned silence.
"Yeah. Sharon told me yesterday. I didn't think you'd want to know that but…given this moment of sharing…" Will could only finish with a nod. Hailey turned back to Jay, who too was nodding. It was the only thing that made sense. He couldn't think of a word or sentence or anything that justified how he felt. He was so incredibly lucky, but even more grateful to be where he was. In an instant, he didn't care how long it took him to get home. The fact he was even able to was amazing in and of itself.
"There's nothing I can do to help? Don't people need antibodies or something? Don't I have those?"
"Well look who knows something about medicine," Will teased.
"Yeah, I paid attention that one day in biology class." Hailey smirked, claiming her phone back from Jay before returning to the couch.
"Unfortunately no. Because of the anti-rejection meds you can't donate blood. People don't need to be immunosuppressed." Jay nodded. It wasn't the answer he was looking for, but before long he'd come up with someway to help. Certainly. He had all the time in world to come up with his next move.
"Love you, Jay," Will spoke up.
"Love you too," Jay returned.
"And ditto, to both of you," Hailey finished.