- I do not own the Vampire Academy world or any of the characters. All rights go to Richelle Mead. Only the plot is my own.

It's a bit later than planned and not exactly with what I promised to have, but I'm back. I have finally got around to writing Dimitri's POV of this story. Please do let me know what you think because writing this gives me a lot of anxiety haha.

Also, I have changed a couple of tiny things in the original story, just to clean up some of the backstory moments. So now it all lines up.

Enjoy! -

Chapter 1

I didn't want to be here.

I could think of many other places I would prefer to be than here. In this moment.

Though I had long since given up on the idea of wishes coming true, I begged with all that I had that my wish to be back a week ago did.

Before all of this happened.

Before the attack.

Before she was taken from me.

I wished I could be back in that cabin, my arms still around her, telling her, showing her, just how much I loved her. After all that time of ignoring my feelings, trying to conceal them from her. When I finally allowed my feelings to be known, I lost her.

This past week, I was numb, following orders as they were given, speaking only when required. Though I was still alive, I didn't feel like I was living anymore. The world that once had colour was bleak. When I had lost Ivan, I thought there was no worse pain.

But then I lost Rose.

My Roza.

No one said it to my face, but I knew it was my fault. If I had been better, she would still be here.

The events in the cave have played over and over in my mind; she was in front of me, so close to escaping. I remembered the way she looked back at me, her eyes telling me everything I needed to know. Everything that I felt for her. I love you. Soon we'll be together again.

And then Strigoi appeared from the shadows, taking us both down. I managed to fight the one on top of me, escaping from their clutches, though not before they hit me in the head. I had become disoriented. I heard my name being called, ordered to move, so I followed the order just as it had been ingrained in me to do.

I had been a fool, assuming that Rose was fine.

I wasn't given a chance to look back as hands gripped my arms and dragged me out into the sun. It wasn't until I saw Janine crying that I knew something was wrong. The look in Alberta's eyes confirmed it.

She was already pulling me away from the entrance of the cave before I could go back in. I was calling for her, for Rose. I should have gone back in to save my Roza. But I didn't.

And now she is gone.

When I was told her body was missing, I collapsed to my knees, the knowledge like a punch in the stomach. Alberta had helped me stand, managing to lead me back to my room, where I became lost in my grief.

After two days, I told Alberta to put me to work, give me something to do other than be alone with my memories, my grief, my guilt.

We all understood what it meant, her body missing. Roza wasn't just dead. It was so much worse.

Rose was Strigoi.

I had considered leaving the academy, leaving everything behind and searching for her. To save her from this fate. Rose had said it herself; if she were ever turned, she would want to be killed. But as I convinced myself to do it, I heard her voice in my head telling me to take care of Lissa. It was Rose's main goal in life, to protect her best friend, and now she couldn't. It was the last thing I could do for Rose.

And so I stayed, for Lissa, to do what Roza would have wanted.

But I didn't realise how hard it would be. Especially today.

There had been a large ceremony for those that had fallen during the attack, dhampirs and Morois. All those in the school gathered in the church, photos of each victim at the front. I stared at the image of Rose throughout the ceremony, not hearing anything that the Priest said.

I could only see her face, the large smile, her long hair thrown over one shoulder, the playful look in her eyes as she winked at the camera.

I had thought that was difficult to force myself through, but then a private funeral was held for her. Behind the church, next to Mason's grave, another headstone stood now for Rose. We had no body to bury, just an empty box that we each put something in, something that was Rose.

Our relationship was hidden from everyone, our real relationship. I didn't know what I could put in there that wouldn't give away those feelings. Not that I was worried about the truth being known, but because that was one secret I still had with her, a part of her that will always be just mine.

All I had was what was meant to be her birthday present. A simple silver necklace, I had had it custom made, her name engraved on the metal plate that the chain held. Roza.

I was going to give it to her so she would see it every day and know how much I loved her even when I wouldn't be able to show it whenever I wanted to. I imagined her wearing it, a warm smile on her face as her fingers brushed against it. And I would have told her I loved her over and over again.

I gently laid the red silk bag into the box, a single tear slipping out as I whispered, "Goodbye, Roza."

There weren't many of us standing around the grave. Lissa and Christian were standing beside Eddie and Adrian. Janine stood to the side with a Moroi man I had never expected to see here, let alone comforting her at Rose's funeral. And lastly, Alberta and I at the back.

As the box was buried deep in the ground, Lissa played Another One Bites the Dust. Though everyone was shedding tears, the song was so unapologetically Rose that it brought brief smiles to everyone.

But then the grief returned. The knowledge that this was goodbye, that Rose was gone from our lives forever. The warning Rhonda gave me came true—I have lost what I valued most.

I kept my emotion controlled, keeping the grief at bay until I was back in my room. I felt so alone, so empty. With shaking hands, I retrieved my phone and called the one person I could be honest with. I wasn't sure what time it was there, I would feel bad for waking them, but right now, I needed them.

It rang three times before a female voice answered, "Привет?"

A sob escaped at the sound of her voice. With a ragged breath, I spoke, "Mama…I lost her."

Lissa had been acting strange, as had Christian and Eddie, but I was more focused on Lissa. Doing as Rose would have wanted. It had been over a month since the attack.

Thirty-six days to be exact.

I had become withdrawn, returning to how I was after Ivan's death; I know those around me had noticed. Some tried to draw me out, but I ignored their attempts. Alberta would give me looks; they were more than the sympathetic looks I received from others that assumed I was still mourning the loss of a student.

She never says anything, and so I pretend that there is nothing there.

The only person I would speak to about Rose was my mother. She would stay on the phone with me as I worked through my grief when it became too much to hold in. She never judged me or questioned me; she just listened to me speak about Rose, about what we had. About what I lost.

I would push all my emotions away when on duty, never letting myself dwell on how much I am reminded of Rose when around her friends. The whole academy was filled with memories. It took weeks before I stopped expecting her to just show up at the gym one morning, yawning dramatically as she explained away why she was late again.

I should be more concerned by Lissa, realising that she was planning something, but as long as she was safe, then it was fine.

I cursed myself for not paying more attention, for not realising that whatever Lissa and her friends were planning was not going to be good. The fact that Lissa had disappeared from the academy wasn't all that surprising, but the last time she ran, it was with Rose and for a good reason.

But now she, Christian and Eddie have gone missing, and no one knows where.

It wasn't until we managed to gain access to her bank account that we found the transaction in Las Vegas. A team was sent there, myself included, to bring her back to the academy. We were keeping it quiet; not even the Queen was aware of Lissa's escape.

While Alberta and I agreed there would have to be a good reason for why they left, once I found them and dragged them back to the academy, they were all in serious trouble.

I found them in a hotel but also had a group of Strigoi. But I was not prepared for who I found amongst them.

Rose.

She was pale, red rings in her eyes, and the look of bloodlust in her eyes. Her attention turned from Lissa to me; the grin she gave me was one I had grown so used to seeing. One that told me she was planning something.

I did exactly what I told her not to. I hesitated.

She managed to get away.

Though I told myself I would stay and protect the Princess, seeing Rose like that, seeing with my own eyes. I knew what I had to do.

After making sure Lissa was safely on her way back to St. Vladimer's, I left to go after Rose. I needed to do the one thing I still could for her. I had to kill her.

It wasn't too hard to track her from the hotel, that should have warned me, but I was so focused on finding her that I didn't question it.

Alberta had called me. I had expected her to demand I return, but she had simply wished me luck. Give her peace.

I was in some town that I didn't know the name of in Idaho when I found her. Or, she found me. Her voice was the same, though it had an edge to it. I always thought she moved gracefully, but now she had an unnatural speed as she walked towards me.

She looked up at me with amusement in her eyes, "Have you come to save me, comrade?"

My breath caught in my throat. I had longed to hear her voice again, to hear her call me that again. But the red in her eyes reminded me that this wasn't her.

"I'm going to end it, Rose. I will set you free." I promised, tightening my hold on my stake.

A wide grin spread across her face as she laughed, "I already am free. Just you wait, I'll show you how amazing this is."

I lunged for her, knowing I needed to do this quickly; letting it drag out wouldn't help either of us. I was determined to complete this task, and then after, I will deal with the knowledge that I had killed the woman I had once loved with all my heart and soul.

Rose was a talented dhampir; her strength and skill were almost equal to mine. But as Strigoi, she was formidable. The fact that she knew how I fought made it more difficult. We were meeting blow for blow, each predicting the other's next move.

It was like a dance we had practised.

But luckily, I hadn't taught her everything I knew. I managed to catch her off guard, knocking her feet out from under her and gaining the upper hand. I straddled her body, pinning her down with my weight. The stake in my hand raised to deliver the final blow when her face shifted, a look of fear making her eyes wide.

"Dimitri, please don't!" She pleaded me.

And I hesitated again.

It was a second, but it was enough. She flipped me off and reversed the position; before I could react, her mouth had descended to my neck. I inhaled sharply in pain as her fangs sunk into my neck, my strength leaving as she drank from me.

I was feeling myself start to float from the endorphins, watching as she pulled back with a bloody smile. She brushed her fingers through my hair almost lovingly.

"Oh, comrade. You're mine now."

I was in and out of consciousness. Each time she fed off me, my mind would become hazy, the endorphins putting me in a false state of happiness. If I didn't think about it too much, I could almost pretend that she was my Roza again.

But then she would look at me with those eyes, smiling wide that I could see her fangs, and the illusion would be broken. She wasn't Roza anymore; this was just a monster wearing her face.

My Roza was gone.

I was kept chained to the bed, though it wasn't needed as she would feed off me to keep me weak. I hated it, but I started to want it, to enjoy the feeling it gave me. I would no longer groan in pain when she would bite me; it became a sound of pleasure.

She would ask me each day, "Choose Dimitri. Join me. Let me awaken you. We can be together forever."

Even I could tell I was hesitating more each time. The offer of us being together was tempting, but I knew it wasn't real. Rose didn't love me the way she used to. Forcing myself to push through the endorphins, grasping onto any sense of clarity I had, I would turn her down.

Rose thought I was giving in and lowered her guard, removing the chains that held me. She had left for some reason, sometimes to feed if needed, rather than feed on me every day. Nathan had shown up; he would appear to torment me, touching Rose when she was here. But when he knew she was gone, he would threaten me himself.

He didn't know of Rose's plans to turn me, of what she wanted to do after. She would speak of them to me sometimes, often saying how amazing we would be together. Another line she used while trying to convince me.

I had pushed through the haze the bites had given me, Rose not feeding on me for the last two days. It wasn't much, but it was enough to avoid his attack. I couldn't remember exactly how I managed to escape, how I evaded him. A combination of pure luck and timing, and Nathan underestimating me.

I locked him in the room I was being held, breaking the lock so he would have to break down the door. It gave me enough time to escape from the building and into the surrounding forest. As I ran, the sun rose, giving me the protection I needed.

When I managed to flag down a car to drive me back to civilisation, I was surprised to find out I was just outside of Missoula, which meant I was close to the academy, and so was Rose. She must be here for Lissa.

Once in town, I found a payphone and called Alberta. I was surprised when she came to pick me up with Janine. I knew I must have been quite the sight, wearing a torn shirt and black sleep pants, both Rose had given me, along with bites covering my neck and shoulders.

Janine had been emotionless, face pale and drawn, "Did you… Is she…"

I dropped my eyes in shame and guilt. I had failed Roza again. "No."

Janine didn't speak again after that, silently helping Alberta guide me into the car, lying across the backseat. I must have passed out; the next thing I knew, we were on the school grounds. My door was opened, and Emil was there, helping me to my feet and up the stairs to the staff wing of the dhampir dorm.

I was thankful that it was the middle of the human day. No students were out to witness me or my injuries. Or I had thought there would be no students. I honestly wasn't surprised to find Lissa, Christian and Eddie in the lobby of the dhampir dorms.

They were all wanting to know the same as Janine had. I shook my head as I passed, not having the energy for words.

Alberta and Emil got me up to my room and on my bed, Emil staring at the bites as Alberta fussed over what to do about them. I waved off her concern, wanting nothing more than to be alone and sleep. I still had to warn them of Rose's proximity to the academy, but I wanted to process everything myself first.

I had laid there for barely an hour before someone knocked on my door, letting themselves in before I could reply. I turned gingerly towards the door to see Lissa stepping further into my room, unsure of herself.

"Princess. I can't… not right now," Everything was still too raw. I didn't have it in me to conceal my emotions from her.

She was studying me as if she was confirming something before sadness filled her eyes. "I'm sorry, Dimitri."

I looked away from her, "I am sorry as well."

She approached me, hands outstretched to my neck. I tried to pull away.

"No, you don't need to do that." I knew of the darkness, and now Rose was no longer here to help Lissa control it. I didn't want to add to her burden.

She wavered for a moment before laying her palm on me, determination in her eyes, "Rose wouldn't want you in pain."

An objection on the tip of my tongue as I felt warmth flow through my body. It was amazing, and I couldn't help but wonder if this was what Rose would feel through the bond. And then the warmth was gone, as was the pain.

"There," Lissa stepped back, a flush in her cheeks from using her magic.

I sat up, throwing my legs over the side of the bed, my energy returning. I felt my neck which was smooth again, the marks gone. "Thank you, Princess."

She stood before me, wringing her fingers, "I'm sorry, if I hadn't have gone to Las Vegas, she never would have -"

I cut her off, "I chose to go after her," I wanted to save her, and I failed. I focused back on Lissa, "Why did you go there in the first place?" I had left before the reason was revealed and was curious what made them risk their lives like that.

"I was… I found out that there may be a way to restore her back to herself."

My eyes widened. It was too good of a thing to be true, shaking my head to rid myself of the hope that grew. It wasn't possible. "There's no way -"

"There is, though," she exclaimed, "we had to find someone in Las Vegas, they have done it before, and they told me how to do it."

So many thoughts were running through my head, "How did you even find this information? And who did you meet?" Surely if this had happened before, a Strigoi being restored, I would have heard about it.

Lissa paused. I could see her deciding if she should tell me or not. "If I tell you, you can't tell anyone."

The seriousness in her voice made me agree, "You have my word."

"We had to find Victor Dashkov's brother, and to do that, we needed Victor."

I was not prepared for her explanation, unable to conceal my reaction of disbelief, "But Victor Dashkov is in prison."

Her eyes dropped from mine, "Not anymore."

My disbelief turned to anger, "Lissa, what have you done?"

"What I had to do. I needed to find a way to save her!" Her own anger rose, "And I know how to do it now. Dimitri, I can save Rose!"

I shook my head, "Victor has lied to you again. There is no way someone can be brought back from that," I was telling her as much as I was telling myself. Don't get your hopes up.

"No, it's the truth. I know it," She stepped closer to me again, "I just need to find Rose, and I know I can do it."

"It's too dangerous. You don't even know where she is."

"But you do."

I drew back. This was why she came to my room. "I can't tell you that, Princess. It isn't Rose anymore. She's gone, and she isn't coming back." The words felt like a knife in my heart as I spoke them.

Determination in her eyes again, making me feel uneasy as she stared into mine. "I know you miss her as much as I do. That's why I need you to tell me where Rose is, Dimitri."

There was a pull in her words, something convincing me to tell her, and I did.

She took out her phone, texting as I tried to make sense as to why I had revealed that information. But then I realised, Lissa had just compelled me.

"Thank you. I need you to stay here for a couple of hours. Just you wait, I will bring Rose back." She told me with confidence.

I sat dumbfounded as she left. Part of me knew I should go after her, but I couldn't make my body move.

Alberta stormed into my room, eyes wide in concern, "Belikov, Christian and Lissa have disappeared again! The guardians at the front gate just let them out!"

I was instantly on my feet; the compulsions had worn off enough, "She must have compelled them. She's going after Rose."

Alberta paused, "How do you know that?"

I gritted my teeth, "Because she compelled me to tell her."

A hard look covered her face, "We have to find them first." She threw me my duster, which had been hanging behind my door. I was confused, knowing I had left this in the hotel when Rose had taken it, though I was grateful that it somehow worked its way back here.

I knew where they were going, so it was easy enough to catch up, but of course, as we reached them, as did Rose along with some other Strigoi. I tried to keep myself placed between Lissa and Rose, but I became distracted by another Strigoi, quickly taking him down.

I didn't know what was happening until I heard Rose's screams. I whipped around to face them, only to see Rose surrounded by fire as Lissa stood before her with a stake in hand, the tip going through her chest.

Her screams made my heart clench, a part of me wanting to run to her. But I could only stand and watch as Lissa staked the woman I once loved through the heart, praying that now she would feel some peace.

I wasn't expecting the shockwave that hit me, the blinding light coming from Lissa and Rose, sending us all to our knees, shielding our eyes from something we didn't understand. When the light had faded, what I saw made me freeze.

Lissa sat on the ground, and with her face laid on Lissa's knees, was Rose, crying.