Chapter 3

Rose has been asleep for seventeen hours.

It had been even longer since I had seen her.

Once I returned to my room after arranging Rose's, I had collapsed in my bed, the exhaustion of the last two weeks hitting me. Even just the last twenty-four hours were draining, both mentally and physically.

Yesterday I had escaped from the room Rose held me captive, only for her to be restored to a dhampir that same day. And now I was worried that she didn't want to see me.

I told myself not to let it affect me, but it did. Her reactions to me being in the same room with her were apparent. Surely she wouldn't think I would hold something she had no control over against her?

Needing someone to express my thoughts to, I called my mother again.

It was a difficult conversation, not wanting to reveal too much about where I had been these last two weeks. I would have to speak of it at some point, but I couldn't dwell on it currently. When I told my mother that Rose was back, a miracle, she hadn't been as shocked as I had expected.

Of course, Babushka had known.

My mother cried in happiness, telling me not to waste this chance I had, reminding me to give her time to heal, to help her. And I promised I would.

I felt some relief, a semblance of a plan going forward. My mind calmed enough that I was able to sleep for a few hours.

When I had woken, I went straight to the guest accommodation, hoping to hear news about Rose and be able to see her. But when I arrived, Janine was leaving and informed me that she was still sleeping and Stan had taken over watching her.

There wasn't much of a discussion as to who would be taking shifts; Janine and I were a given, being that Alberta wanted Rose to have people that she trusted. Stan was a questionable choice given their relationship, but Rose has known him for most of her life, so he took the morning shift.

I was happy to be given from lunch until night; it meant I could make sure Rose was eating properly. And then Janine would stay with her overnight, claiming Rose would be more comfortable with her there. I doubted it but didn't say so.

Not long after Janine had left, Alberta found me sitting in the lobby of the building. I had no other commitments, with Emil taking over guarding Lissa while I was to watch Rose, and my next shift patrolling the wards wasn't for a couple of days.

She took a seat beside me, eyes studying me, "Did you even sleep?"

I eyed her, judging off the shadows under her eyes; she hadn't. "I did for a few hours."

Nodding, she lapsed into silence, appearing to take a moment to relax. Being the head guardian was a stressful job, especially these past weeks. I was not envious of her.

"Are you going to be okay being around her?"

Her question surprised me. My face, which I tried to keep impassive, revealed she had caught me off guard.

She leant forward, bracing her elbows on her knees, "It doesn't take a genius to figure out that she had been feeding off you. I didn't hear anything from you for over two weeks, and we found your empty hotel room. So I need to know, will you be okay in the same room with Rose?"

Her expression was sympathetic. But I knew her main focus was Rose, not wanting to put her near someone that could hurt her. I respected her for it.

"What happened when Rose was Strigoi was not her fault. I would never hold any of it against her." I told her confidently. As far as I was concerned, I had forgiven Rose almost as soon as it had happened.

Alberta dipped her head, reclining in the chair again, "Good. I want you to talk to Deirdre." She held her hand up to silence my objection, "I don't care if you think you are fine. This is an order, and I expect you to do so."

I clenched my jaw. Even I could admit that I wasn't unscathed from those two weeks, but I was going to work through it, as I had with many other events I had experienced as a guardian. This job was not for the faint-hearted. Many became traumatised from what they had gone through. I was prepared to work through any issues those weeks caused me, but I never planned to speak to a counsellor. Let alone the academy appointed one.

Alberta was waiting for my response, knowing I couldn't defy it as an order, so reluctantly, I agreed. "I will make an appointment."

The corner of her lips turned up in a rare smile, "Okay. Now that's settled, Stan has informed me that Rose is awake, and I'm sure she will be hungry. That girl has always had an appetite."

My eyes widened, on my feet before she had finished speaking. I slowed, composing myself, "I will make her something to eat."

She stared at me before nodding, "Take care of her, Belikov."

I was sure to prepare enough food for Rose and make a meal that would be easy to digest, considering how long it had been since she had eaten real food and her reaction to eating the day before. The tray had a couple of options, a plain piece of toast, apple sauce, and an egg-white omelette—also a glass of juice.

As I prepared the meal, I became more nervous. I was excited as well, but I couldn't help but stress over Rose's reaction to me.

However she reacted, I would be there for her as long as she'd let me.

I walked towards her room, on the second floor, away from others staying in the building. We didn't want anyone coming by and disturbing her. I wasn't even sure if Alberta was telling students for some time about Rose's return. We had decided to conceal the information about her turning, though there had been whispers about it. I wasn't sure exactly how Alberta would explain away all of this, especially if those from the Royal Court become involved.

Daniel was seated outside Rose's door, in charge of keeping the hallway clear. He and another two guardians were switching shifts throughout the day and night out here. Seeing me approach, he stood and opened the door for me.

Entering the room, Stan greeted me with a nod, standing from his seat and left the room. I was here earlier than I was supposed to be for my shift but was more than happy to have the extra time with Rose. I glanced around the room; it looked the same as I had left it. The only difference was the bed.

I couldn't see her, the blankets covering her form, just her hair was visible draped over her pillow. My mind instantly reminded me of two moments, one being of our time in the cabin; Rose laid under me, her hair spread out around her like a halo as she smiled up at me. The other was of her on top of me, hair hanging like a curtain onto my chest as she leaned down to bite me.

My breath caught.

I forced the memories away, burying them deep so they wouldn't affect me.

Rose comes first.

Just focus on Roza.

I crossed the room to place the tray on top of the dresser beside the bed. It wasn't the best set-up; she will have to put it on the bed once ready to eat.

She hadn't emerged from her blanket cocoon yet, so I picked up the glass of juice, figuring it would be best to start on, ease her stomach back into handling food.

I had turned to offer it to her when my eyes met hers.

I stared into her eyes, mesmerised by their brown colouring and the distinct lack of red. There was so much life in her appearance again. Gone was the pale, deathly skin and the cold look in her eyes.

But then I noticed her expression. She was afraid.

My heart broke.

I didn't want her to fear me.

I took a step closer, reaching for her but froze as she jerked away from me, pressing her body against the wall, trying to put as much distance between us as she could.

My grief returned, my fears became true.

I pulled myself back, gaining control of my emotions, reminding myself that taking care of her was my focus.

Shuffling back a little so I wasn't crowding her, I held the glass out to her again, "Please, Roza." I didn't mean for her name to come out, regretting it as she cowered even more.

"No, no, no…." She squeezed her eyes, hands raising the press against her head. I nearly dropped the glass when she first hit herself.

Quickly returning it to the tray, I reached for her, taking hold of her wrists, "Rose! Roza, stop!" I pleaded, "Please stop hurting yourself," I had promised myself that she wouldn't get hurt again, and now she was hurting herself because of me.

"I hurt you!" She yelled in anguish, sobbing as she struggled weakly in my grip.

I was right. Rose did blame herself.

I needed to get it through to her that it wasn't her fault. "That wasn't you. Please, look at me."

Slowly she opened her eyes and moved them up to mine, "Why are you here? You shouldn't be here."

The fight was leaving her, just as it had yesterday. I released her wrists, letting them fall to the bed between us as tears fell from her eyes. I didn't hold back this time, reaching for her to try to comfort her, wiping the tears, "Oh, Rose."

She turned her face away from my hand; I moved to follow but stopped. She needed time, and I shouldn't push her. As hard as it was to pull away, I did, standing up and grabbing the glass of juice again.

"You need to drink this. You need to give your body some nutrients." I offered it to her. Satisfaction spread through me when she took it. I watched as she sipped it, waiting for any adverse reaction.

"How long was I asleep?"

Hearing her talking to me, not in fear or with a harshness, was like music to my ears, even if it didn't have the same warmth it once had. "Almost eighteen hours, we were starting to get worried when Stan told us you woke up." At least I was.

"Well, despite what they say, I didn't sleep when I was dead." Her voice was flat.

I didn't want to dwell on the fact that I had lost her, moving the tray of food from the dresser to the bed and placing it in front of her. "You should eat. I made sure to get something that would be easy on your stomach."

She eyed it, "I don't think I can eat all of that."

I turned so she wouldn't see my face fall.

As Alberta had said, Rose always had an appetite; it was a constant. And now it was different.

I took a seat, making myself as comfortable as possible in the wooden chair, "Just do the best you can."

I watched in anticipation as she picked at the food, finally settling on the apple sauce. Pulling out one of my westerns to read, I know she hates when others openly stare at her. When she made a face at the apple sauce, I used my book to hide my smile.

I felt some of the tension leave my body as she ate, "Good."

When her friends arrived, she became more relaxed, more herself. But I could see there was a strain. Lissa continued her role as a caring friend and offered to do Rose's hair. Though I wish she hadn't mentioned that I had arranged the room.

Rose was already wary around me, and I didn't want her to think I was invading her privacy as well. When she looked at me with wide eyes, I looked down at my book, "Guardian Petrov did most of it. I just carried the boxes." I lied, hoping she wouldn't pick up on it.

She was silent, her eyes becoming cloudy again, losing herself to her thoughts. Her expression was bleak and drawn. The silence pulled the attention of the others as well, each holding our breaths in anticipation of what may happen next.

If I were to describe Rose, quiet was not a word I would use, and it was unnerving when she was. It usually meant she was either planning something or was deeply troubled.

Lissa leant forward, "Rose?"

Rose's eyes came back into focus, startled. "Sorry, I just have a lot of thoughts, and questions I guess."

I had been expecting that she would, waiting for when she would be open to talking. With everything she has experienced, she needed to so that she could start moving forward. "What do you want to know?" I asked carefully, trying to keep my eagerness out of my voice. I didn't want to rush or pressure her. A flash of disappointment went through me when she wouldn't look at me, and then again when she responded.

"Nevermind, I don't have any right now."

I tried to school my features when she looked up, leaning back in my chair. She was still so unsure, and I didn't know what to do to change that. All those weeks ago, laying in bed together, I had promised Rose that I wouldn't let anything happen to her. I promised to protect her and keep her safe, and still, I was failing.

A sudden motion caught my eye; she became stiff, face paling before becoming green. As Rose leant forward on the bed, I rushed towards her, the empty waste bin in hand, reaching her just in time for her to throw up the small amount of food she had ingested.

Her cries tugged at my heartstrings. "It's okay, Rose, I've got you," I whispered to her, not caring if the others in the room heard me. Our eyes met for a moment, long enough for me to see the sorrow in her eyes.

Once she had stopped dry heaving, sitting up again, I removed the bin, reminding myself to clean it in case she needed it again in the future. I also took away what was left of the food I brought so that the sight or smell wouldn't upset her.

Tears were slowly running down her cheeks; without thinking, my hand moved on its own to wipe them away, "Are you okay? Was it the food?" She shook her head but didn't move away from me. Not shying from my touch.

"Lissa… blood on her shirt."

Lissa quickly moved away to get rid of any blood that was left. While I was thankful it wasn't the food that had upset her; I was concerned that she again had an empty stomach.

Rose's eyes caught mine, voice waving, "Can… Can I use the bathroom?"

The question caught me off guard, not so much because of what she asked, but because she felt she needed to. "Of course, Rose, this is your room." I stood from the floor, offering her a hand, hoping she would take it, but was left wanting as she avoided me.

Panic built up in me, seeing the door to the bathroom close. While I didn't want to make her leave the door open, it hadn't been that long since I had opened the door to the room they were questioning her in, finding her crouched in the corner, her blood on her hands.

I swallowed around the lump in my throat, carefully making my way to the wall. Still, a couple of steps away from the bathroom, but close enough that I could react quickly should anything happen.

I heard the sink run and then silence.

I was about to relax when I heard the sound of an impact and the shattering of glass.