A little Halloween treat :D

Chapter 4

I was moving before the others had even reacted to the sound of glass breaking. My hand was around the door handle, throwing it open with more force than needed. My eyes flicked from Rose to the broken mirror on the wall, and the shards littered around her feet, then back to her.

She was scared.

"Rose," I whispered. I couldn't contain my concern. Fear that she had hurt herself again, and I wasn't able to stop it.

Slowly she turned back to the mirror, or what was left of it. Her voice was eerily calm, "My eyes are brown."

Though she whispered, her words carried to me. I raised an eyebrow, trying to decipher what she had meant. The way she looked at herself, I couldn't help but wonder if she had a flashback.

The others that had been kept back by me standing in the doorframe pushed past me, "Rose, your hand!" Lissa's shocked voice snapped me from my daze.

I looked down at her wrist to see blood dripping from a cut, drops of blood now on the tiled floor at her feet.

Rose appeared bewildered as she stared at her wrist, "I didn't even feel it."

She moved to step forward, seemingly unaware she was about to step on broken glass. I reached for her, easily lifting her and carrying her away from the bathroom to her bed.

It wasn't much, but it was the closest I had come to holding her against me. Last night when I had held her, she wasn't even aware, too lost in her own mind.

I missed the feeling of her in my arms.

It was always a fight within myself to not touch her, hold her, for the months that I told myself that we couldn't, shouldn't, be together. Every time she had pushed me, the times my control would break, I cherished those moments, just as much as I scolded myself for giving in.

And now I knew what it was like to have her in my arms, to see her happiness as we laid close to one another. It was hard not to crave it again.

Her reaction was delayed, appearing numb to her own actions. It wasn't until I had her seated on the bed and was examining the cut that she spoke.

"Why did you do that?"

My mood had darkened, seeing the wound on her wrist, the same place she had hurt herself yesterday. I responded gruffly, "There is glass on the ground, and you're barefoot."

Eddie came to me with a towel which I gladly took, trying to clean up the blood enough so I could check for any shards of glass in the wound before pressing it against the cut to stop the bleeding. Luckily it wasn't too deep; the bleeding had slowed already. I explained it to the others as I went, trying to distract myself from my own emotions churning inside of me.

Fear, concern, anger, guilt.

Just focus on Roza.

I glanced up at her, freezing as I took in her crestfallen face, silent tears running down her cheeks. How I wish I could take away her pain, all I could do now is offer her my comfort and support and hope that it was enough.

I tenderly wiped away her tears again, "Rose?" Please talk to me.

Her expression changed, becoming hard, her body stiffening. Her voice barely carried to me, "Get out."

No one else heard, too preoccupied with her injury.

I didn't know how to respond.

Rose pulled back from me as if she hated my touch, "Get out." This time gaining the attention of the others.

Lissa tried to reach for her, "Rose, we just need to take care of this first." But it only made Rose withdraw more.

"I want you all out now."

"Rose?" Lissa pleaded.

"I want to be alone." Her voice became harsh, an edge to it. "Just get out!"

I regretted that I flinched. I wished I hadn't, but I didn't expect to hear such anger in her voice. Despite all the rage she had, as she shifted away from us, cowering against the wall, I only saw her fear.

Christian convinced Lissa to leave, and I was glad because it would be easier to get Rose to talk. I needed her to talk. She needs to. Holding it all in wasn't working; it never did for Rose. When her emotions became too much, she needed to fight it out, whether it be with her hands or with her words, so she needed to release it.

Once the three students had left us alone, Rose breathed again; it sounded painful, strained. Remaining pressed against her headboard, not moving. Her injured wrist was resting against her knees, blood starting to trickle down her arm again.

She gasped in surprise when I gently took it in mine, wiping it with the towel.

"What are you doing?"

I didn't let the harshness of her voice deter me, staying firm, focused on her wound, "I'm taking care of you."

"I'm fine. Just leave it. I don't need you to take care of me!"

Trust for her stubbornness to come out when I'm trying to help her. At least it was a piece of her coming back. I rathered her stubborn than scared.

I laughed though there was no amusement in it. "What about this looks fine to you, Rose? This isn't like you." I near whispered the last part, staring at the self-inflicted wound.

"Well, excuse me for not handling coming back from the dead well. But please do tell me how I should be acting! Should I be pleading for you to hold me and make everything better?"

It was her anger taking control, choosing to say things that would hurt me. I know that. But I still internally cringed at her words. "That's not what I meant."

She faced away from me, trying to pull back again. "Can you just leave me alone right now?"

I hated that she was trying to push me away. "No."

Her jaw clenched, tension rising, "I don't need you! I can handle it on my own."

My control slipped, "Can you not act like a child right now and just let me help you!" As soon as the words slipped out of my mouth, I regretted them. She was trying to draw a reaction from me, and it worked.

I wanted her to do what she needed to get her anger out, but I didn't mean to argue with her. I definitely didn't need to call her a child. Rose hated it when I mentioned her young age. Scolding myself for my words, I walked to the bathroom and took out the first aid kit that Alberta had placed as we unpacked Rose's boxes.

I had hoped it was just Alberta being overly cautious, but it turned out to be needed. I prayed it was just this once.

Returning to her, we remained silent as I pulled out a bandage and gauze, carefully covering the cut.

I wanted to know why she broke the mirror, remembering the look of fear on her face. "What scared you?" I asked, eyes still on what I was doing as I waited for her to answer.

"What?"

"What scared you so much that you hit the mirror?"

"What makes you think I was scared? Maybe it pissed me off." She was lying.

I finally moved my eyes up to hers, though she looked away quickly. "When I opened that door, you were scared."

Her voice became flat, "You're wrong."

I could hear a slight waver. I was right. "Roza," I pleaded.

She turned on me, anger flashing in her eyes as she yelled. "Stop calling me that! That name was for when you were talking to the girl you loved, that naive seventeen-year-old high school girl that thought she could handle anything! That thought that everything was going to be fine. Well, news flash Dimitri, I am not that girl anymore!"

I was taken aback. She was wrong. Even if she never truly found herself again, I would always love her even if she didn't want me. "You will always be my Roza, no matter what."

She laughed. The sound of it sent chills down my spine. Her eyes settled on mine, void of emotion.

"Really, even when I had you chained up. Was I your Roza then?"

Memories of that room flashed in my mind. I didn't want to think about that, about what had happened. That wasn't Rose anymore.

Her voice became sweet, making my blood freeze at the familiar tone. "Or how about when I fed off you even though you begged me not to."

That wasn't Rose anymore.

She leant closer, her breath fanning the side of my face. "You should just leave me alone before I hurt you again."

I closed my eyes, forcing the memories away, ignoring the feelings that surged within me. As her words sunk in, I knew what she was doing. I won't let her push me away. I looked back at her. "No. I will decide when I am done, not you."

"Dimitri-"

"It wasn't you! That wasn't you." I cut her off. She needed to understand. I held her chin with my hand so I could hold her eyes, begging for her to understand, "You would never hurt me like that on purpose. You are still my Roza. And I love you no matter what. I lost you once, and I will not lose you again." I vowed to her, one I intended to keep.

I could see her anger subsiding, "How could you know that? How could you possibly know!"

I cradled her face between my hands, letting my affection show on my face. My emotions were making it difficult to speak, "Because I know you."

And with that, something broke, all the rage in her eyes gone and replaced with sorrow. A tear fell. "I'm sorry…."

I panicked, not wanting to make her cry again. But she looked as surprised by the change in her emotions as I was, and by her words.

"I'm sorry."

I tried to soothe her, "Rose, it's okay." But more tears fell.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

This wasn't just about what was said today. She was revealing to me her guilt, releasing it all and trusting me not to turn her away.

I didn't need her apologises; I never blamed her.

But she needed this, so I gathered her into my arms, holding her close as she cried. Whatever she needed from me, I was going to give.

As long as she would have me, I would never leave.

My back was leaning against the headboard of her bed; Rose curled up on my lap. I held her until her tears dried, and when she didn't move from my arms, I kept her close—continuing to rock her and whisper to her in Russian. Telling her of my love for her, my forgiveness, and then what I hoped for in the future. She couldn't understand me, but it didn't stop me from declaring my feelings for her, taking pride in the fact my voice calmed her down.

Finally being able to comfort her as I had wished I could since Lissa restored her. It felt right with Roza in my arms. The world was starting to make sense again.

After some time, Rose shifted in my arms, her eyes rising to mine. They were red and puffy. I gave her a weak smile, trying to conceal the deep concern I had for her, watching her struggle. "Hi."

She responded in a rough voice, "Hi."

I took in her appearance. Her expression was drawn, exhaustion clearly showing, but she looked better. Like a weight had been lifted, just a little. I rubbed small circles on her back, "Are you feeling better now?"

"Honestly?"

I nodded, eager for her to be truthful.

After a beat, she replied, "No, but also, strangely, yes." She looked down at her injured wrist where it laid on her lap, "I'm messed up right now, aren't I?"

My arms pulled her closer as I denied her, "Roza, so much happened to you. You have had a trauma and need to process it."

"All I seem to do is have trauma lately. All I do is fight to overcome something. Will I overcome this, or will it break me?" Her voice sounded so lost. I dipped my head so I could catch her eyes.

"You will," I told her adamantly, not wanting her to doubt herself. "You just need time and to accept help from others without pushing them away."

Rose needed to realise that she didn't have to do anything alone. I saw understanding in her eyes, and I also saw it made her nervous. She climbed from my lap, letting my arms fall away so she could do so.

I watched as she paced, chewing her bottom lip as she thought. It was a habit of hers, I had always found it adorable, and when she had done it when laid underneath me in the cabin, I had found it incredibly alluring.

She stopped in front of me, facing me, "Will things ever go back to how it was before?"

There were a lot of ways I could answer this, but there was also a lot that I didn't know. Who knew what Alberta would tell the teachers and students at the school of what happened to Rose, how she was suddenly back after they all thought her dead. And then what would happen once the news travels.

There were too many what if's. But one thing was for sure; things would be different.

I glanced at her, deciding if I should tell her that. Or do I try to quell her fears?

I sighed, knowing I couldn't lie to her, not about something so important. She needed to be prepared.

"No," I finally answered. Carefully watching her reaction, she appeared unsurprised, so I continued, "Too much has happened to you and those you know to ever go back to how it was. You will have to find your place again and most likely have to fight harder than before to keep it."

I stood from the bed, moving closer to her.

Not many could make it back in this world, too many trials awaiting them in the future. But I believed Rose was strong enough to handle it.

And so I told her, my confidence for her showing in my tone. "If anyone could do it, it's you, Rose."

Her lip trembled, taking in my words, "You think so?"

I bent down, pressing my forehead to hers. "I know so."

I had complete faith in Roza. She had always amazed me, ever since I met her; her determination and dedication to Lissa surprised me and intrigued me. The way she was able to read me so clearly. Every single thing Rose had come up against, she went above and beyond. And I had no doubt she would do so again.