It's been a difficult writing week, but I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Chapter 5

It took a lot of willpower to make myself leave Rose's room last night. Though we had settled into a comfortable silence after she had calmed from breaking down, I was concerned, watching her out of the corner of my eye, having used my book to conceal my face enough so she wouldn't notice.

We weren't alone for long, her mother coming in to join us with some broth for Rose, which thankfully she managed to keep down.

I wanted to stay with Rose but knew I couldn't. Telling myself that Rose would be safe with Janine, I forced my feet to move and left the room.

There was a different guardian in the hall by then, I hadn't had a chance to speak with him, being a new hire after the attack on the academy, and since then, I hadn't wanted to talk to anyone. I gave him a slight nod, which he returned.

Turning from Rose's door, I continued, leaving the building and Rose for the night.

Only the knowledge that I would see her again tomorrow kept me from running back to her.

It was difficult to sleep. A combination of nightmares and worries for Rose kept me tossing and turning; after a few hours, I had given in. The sun was still up; a couple of hours of daylight left.

Changing into running clothes, I took off at a steady pace, circling the wards that surrounded the school. I, like many other guardians, had become more paranoid about maintaining and patrolling the wards. While a stake didn't bring down the wards, I wasn't going to take chances that they wouldn't try again.

We had never tested out the theory Rose had told me about why they fell the first time, though I had informed Alberta of it. Students were now monitored closely for uses of magic outside of classes.

I had hated that the students that had been the ones behind the magic being used, the probable reason for weakening the wards, were still in the school. But without a way to prove it was their fault, they could only be punished for using magic against other students. Most of them had fairly well-off parents who could throw around their weight to keep their punishment minimal.

By the time I had completed an entire circuit of the wards, I was sweating. But my mind felt clearer, the memories pushed back, buried again where they can't affect me. With Alberta's request to speak to Deirdre in mind, I realised it might not be the worst idea.

It would be difficult to recount the events without giving too much away, but it may help somewhat. And the sooner I did it, the sooner I will have Alberta off my back about it.

I returned to my room to shower and change into my usual uniform, duster thrown over the top, feeling like myself again.

Those two weeks with Rose before she was restored had stripped me raw, exposing myself to feelings I had never thought I would ever have. Especially the need I developed for Rose's bite. I couldn't help but wonder if that was how Rose felt every time Lissa had fed from her when they were on the run. If Rose still craved it?

My hand came up to rest on the unblemished skin of my neck, remembering what it had felt like when she would lean over me, her fangs dragging over my skin before they would sink in.

I shook my head, breaking away from the memories that had a hold of me.

Composing myself, schooling my features, so they were blank, my thoughts guarded, I left the Dhampir dorms for the Administration building, hoping to make an appointment with Deirdre.

No one must be seeking counselling as of late.

When I had asked to make an appointment, I wasn't expecting Deirdre to pull me into her office straight away. It was still early in the day, to the point I was surprised she was actually here. Part of me had hoped that she wouldn't have been, and I could have put this off a day longer.

Instead, I found myself perched on the edge of the grey couch, staring across the room at the Moroi counsellor. Rose had briefly mentioned to me her experience in this room when we had all一wrongly一assumed she was having a mental breakdown, and this was exactly as she described.

Deirdre stared at me, notepad and pen in hand. She hadn't seemed surprised when I asked to make an appointment, no doubt Alberta had told her beforehand. That didn't mean she was going to start the session for me. No, she was waiting for me to start talking.

Expression remaining guarded, I cleared my throat first, "Guardian Petrov had requested I speak to you about my recent incident with Strigoi." I kept it to the point, not wanting to reveal too much if she was unaware of the details.

Deirdre nodded, as capable as a guardian at keeping her face impassive. "The Strigoi that was your student, correct?"

My jaw clenched, "That is correct."

She tapped her pen to her notepad, "Rose Hathaway. I heard you were both close."

"I had been training her every day since her return to the school. She and I will be working together as the Princess's guardians, and it is encouraged that we build some rapport between us." My tone was distant, maintaining a professional air as I spoke of Rose.

I have never enjoyed lying. From a young age, my mother had instilled that lying was wrong, and I had done my best throughout my life to do so rarely. But I knew that if there were any questions about my relationship with Rose, I needed to do all that was in my power to conceal it.

If people looked into it too much and doubt was cast on us, on me, then I would be sent away and possibly jailed. I couldn't risk being separated from Rose, not now when she needed those that loved her most with her. Not when I could help her move past the last two months.

"Do you think that is why she took you?" Deirdre asked, "Because of your relationship?"

I needed to be careful with how I answered, sticking close enough to the truth without revealing too much. "She wanted the Princess. She most likely took me as a way to get to her."

"And you went after Rose. Why?"

"I knew she was a threat to the Princess."

Deirdre raised her eyebrow, it was a subtle movement, but the most she had since we started talking. "That's a dangerous situation to put yourself into, and you left your charge."

"Novice Hathaway," I used her title, as a teacher would, "had once told me that if she were ever turned, she would prefer to be killed rather than have that fate. I am a close acquaintance to both her friends and her mother. I thought it would be a kindness to fulfil that wish for her and give the ones she cares for closure."

"That was very kind of you. Not many would." Her tone didn't sound accusing or like she was fishing for more. Instead, she sounded sincere. "I have been informed that you were held for almost two weeks before you managed to escape."

"That is correct," I wasn't looking forward to discussing this part.

"And now Rose is back, as a dhampir. How do you feel about that?"

I wasn't sure how much Alberta had told her about Rose, now knowing that she was aware of her being restored. "I'm grateful that she will have a second chance."

Her pen moved along the page of the notepad, the scratching of it amplified in the otherwise silent room. "What are your feelings towards Rose?"

My shoulders tense, unsure how to answer.

Deirdre mistook my silence for confusion, elaborating, "Do you feel anger? Fear?"

I shook my head, "What happened while Ros-" I caught myself, "Novice Hathaway was Strigoi was not her fault. They were not her actions. I hold no ill will towards her."

Silence stretched between us. Deirdre was studying me.

"I have read the reports of your return. Of the… condition, in which you returned."

I preferred to just move past this quickly, not beating around the bush. "She had fed off me, yes. And as I said, I do not blame Hathaway for actions that were not her own."

Deirdre leant forward in her chair, "I believe you, Guardian Belikov, but I also realise that experiencing something like that, for days, could affect you. How have you been coping since returning?" When I turned my eyes down to the carpet, she continued. "You have experienced trauma, and talking about it here can help you move past it. But I will not force you."

I clasped my hands together, eyes focused on them, "I have had some flashbacks," I was hesitant to speak about how those weeks were affecting me. But I couldn't help Rose if my mind would remind me of those days every time I looked at her.

"Nightmares?" Deirdre asked.

I nodded my head, unable to voice it. It was like admitting a weakness.

"That is to be expected."

I glanced up at her; her face was understanding. It made it somewhat easier to speak. "How do I make them stop?"

She paused for a moment before answering, "Talking about it, but I know what you guardians are like. If these flashbacks are happening when you are around Rose, I would suggest reminding yourself of what you said to me, that it wasn't Rose's fault. Separate the Strigoi and Rose in your mind."

I nodded again. I had been keeping Strigoi Rose and my Roza separate in my mind, though it had proved hard when I was first captured. But now, with her before me, life in her eyes again, it was easier.

"But unless you talk about it to someone, it will follow you." Deirdre implored. I knew from her tone that she had accepted that I wasn't going to speak much more on it. She closed her notepad, standing from her chair. "I will let Guardian Petrov know that you came to see me, and there is no concern for you to be around Rose."

I stood from my chair; I gave her my thanks, turning to the door. As I was leaving, she called to me.

"My door is always open if you do want to talk about it, Guardian Belikov."

I dipped my head in acknowledgement and then left the room.

I slumped onto the mattress of my bed, lying back against the tangle of blanket and sheet that I had ignored arranging this morning before my run. My mind had been too distracted then. I still had a couple of hours before I was meant to take over for Stan, contemplating sleeping some more. But then I pictured Roza's face, and the only thing I wanted to do was see her.

I stood back up, my mind was still running a mile a minute, but now it was because of my conversation with Deirdre. I moved around my bed, making it, and then tidied the rest of my room, hoping the mundane tasks would calm my mind.

I could see the merit in talking to someone about what I had experienced, but the number of people that I would be comfortable doing so with could be counted on one hand. And, of course, at the top of that list was Roza.

The one person I couldn't talk to about this.

My mother would be next, but I didn't want to tell her about it either. Not that I believed she would, but there was a part of me that worried she would hold it against Rose.

After that, the list becomes much smaller and less likely. So that just left me, moving past it in my own way.

After two hours, I had completed all the tasks I could do in my room, finding myself again left to my thoughts and needing to see Roza. I didn't want to risk raising some eyebrows if I kept arriving earlier than intended, especially if they noticed my excitement. At the same time, it was known that we had a close relationship as mentor and student. I had been asked multiple times to take care of Rose in the past, knowing that I could calm her.

So maybe it wouldn't be suspicious if I did arrive early?

Maybe if I had a good reason to show up before I was meant to bring her lunch.

Then I remembered my promise of bringing Rose a side table. It gave me some pride to provide something for her, despite it being a small thing. Before the attack, I had never been able to shower Rose with gifts as I would have liked to.

If we didn't have to hide our feelings, I would have courted Roza, giving her gifts and taking her out for dates. I always imagined surprising her with a picnic on a sunny day in a park. I loved seeing her basking in the warmth from the sun.

One day, I would do all of that and more for Rose. But for now, I took what chances I got to treat her, and right now, that was finding her a side table.

I could request one from storage or even from an unused room in the guest building, but I wanted to be the one supplying it. As my eyes darted to the side of my bed, the side I didn't sleep on had a table that I never used except for when I had too many books on the other.

Before I could change my mind, I removed the couple of items I had on it and picked it up, carrying it with me out my door.

"Ah, Belikov, can you picture Hathaway as a Girl Scout?" Alberta questioned.

I paused, one hand on the door handle to open it, the other holding the side table against me. Stan had mentioned when I passed him that Alberta and Lissa were in the room with Rose, though I had not been expecting this question when I entered.

I had barely comprehended Alberta's question before she moved on.

"My thoughts exactly."

Rose was on her bed, Lissa next to her. The latter, with an amused grin, Rose had crossed her arms in defence, "Hey, I am all for team building. I'm great at teamwork."

I had to conceal my own grin, knowing just how much Rose hated team building tasks. Not that she couldn't work in a team and work well, she just hated to be forced into them when others were less competent.

Lissa laughed, "It's true she hated it."

"Whatever," Rose grumbled in response, falling back against her pillow against the headboard; Lissa was quick to join her. I enjoyed watching them interact, their conversation, poking fun at each other again. It was a bit of Rose showing through again.

I managed to catch her eyes, raising an eyebrow in question, but she waved me off. "Nothing you need to worry about, comrade. Now, did you bring me a burger? I need food that will sustain me!"

I smiled again, this time not hiding it. She had more of an appetite again, another good sign. "No, but I did bring a present."

That had gained her attention. "A present?" I could read her questioning look, wondering what I might have brought her. Her face fell when I showed her the side table. "You know what makes a great present? Chocolates, burgers, coffee, candy. Oh! A chocolate-covered coffee candy." She smirked at me.

Lissa added in a playful tone, "With a burger on the side?"

"Exactly."

I didn't let her less than impressed reaction bother me; instead, shaking my head, "You were complaining you were too short, so this is to help," I explained, the playful mood of the room affecting me. Placing the table beside her bed, happy that it was a good height for it. "Will need to rearrange your furniture, but this should do for now."

She smirked again, the sight of it making my heart skip a beat, "Thank you for the table, and I will ignore the comment about my height."

I wanted to greet her properly, even sit on the bed beside her, but it wasn't possible with the current company, so I took position beside Alberta on the opposite wall. My body automatically settled in the same guardian stance as her.

I eyed Rose again, noticing the shadows under her eyes. I had seen the way her body had relaxed when I had entered the room, making me wonder if something had happened since I left the night before.

"Have you been feeling better today?" I asked.

The two women looked to Rose as well while we waited for her to answer. After a momentary pause, she replied, "I am."

"That's good to hear, Rose," Alberta replied happily. She was just as on edge as Janine and me.

"It is," Rose started, a hopeful look in her eyes as she spoke to us, "so much so that maybe I could leave this room for a little? Maybe even go for a run or two around the track?"

My earlier assumptions were confirmed. While having become used to it over time, Rose was not the kind of person to just go for a run. The only times she had been eager to do so have often been when she was trying to take her mind off of something.

I wanted to give in and grant her permission, knowing it was better to let her work through what was bothering her rather than letting her bottle it in. Also, to see her out and running again would be another part of her old life returning to her, and me.

Both of our hopes were dashed by Alberta shaking her head, "I'm happy to hear you are doing better, but we should take things slow. There are still some things we need to sort out before you can roam the Academy."

Rose's face fell, a darkness covering it. "People still think that I'm Strigoi." Her tone was dejected, so much contempt for herself.

I quickly disagreed with her, "No one thinks that."

Alberta tried to explain, "We have never had a situation like this before. We are all figuring it out as we go. Just bear with it for a bit longer."

Rose tried to conceal her emotions, but I could see she was disappointed, still believing her own words.

Lissa reached for her, "Is there something I could bring you?" Leaning in close to whisper in her ear, causing Rose to grin.

"I could use some coffee, maybe some entertainment. Just something that I could do in here."

I was again thankful that Rose had Lissa as a friend. She moved off the bed, excited to help Rose, "I can go get you some coffee and snacks now if you want? And I'll bring you my laptop. Then you can at least watch movies."

Alberta gave in, agreeing to Lissa's offer, not long after both of them had left the room, leaving just Rose and I. We both studied each other; a slight warmth travelled through me with her eyes on me.

I pushed away from the wall to her dresser. While I couldn't bring her the things Lissa was, I could at least make her room more comfortable.

I first tested the weight of it. It would be lighter and easier to move if there were no clothes inside, but that would take too long. I had confidence in my strength being enough to move it across the room.

"What are you doing?" Rose asked curiously.

I cleared the space around the bed and started to move the objects on top of the dresser, which was mainly water bottles and some other items of Rose's. "I'm moving the furniture," I explained.

"You don't have to do that."

I tried to lift the dresser, it was going to be a slight struggle, but I was determined.

Rose rolled her eyes, knowing I couldn't do it myself as I had hoped. "At least let me help."

I was about to tell her otherwise, but she was already up, finding a spot for her hands. Her added strength made the task much more manageable.

She let out a groan, "Damn, comrade. You really thought you could carry this yourself," She laughed, the top of her head barely peeking out over the top of the dresser, but with my height, I could easily see her face, the amusement in her eyes.

We moved it away from the wall by the bed until we were in the middle of the room, "I would have managed." I defended, making her laugh again.

"So, where are we putting this?"

I paused, glancing around the room. "Good question." As I pondered where it would be best to place, Rose lowered her side to the ground, raising her eyebrows.

"You know, typically, you decide where it is going before you move it." She deadpanned, though the amusement was still in her eyes.

I lowered my side as well, leaning an arm on the edge of the dresser, "Well, where do you want it?"

Rose sighed dramatically, "Have to do everything myself." She glanced around the room before pointing at the wall by the bathroom, "There."

It took some maneuvering to find a spot Rose liked. Standing in the middle of the room with her hand on her chin, eyes squinting at the dresser. "A little to the left."

I stood on one side and pushed the dresser as directed.

"No, a little more."

I huffed, surprised that moving a piece of furniture was turning into such a workout. I shifted it again, turning to Rose for approval.

"No, it's too far now. Back to the right."

I rubbed my brow, "Rose, you already said that. What's wrong with this spot?" I asked, feeling slightly irritated with how much I have already had to drag the dresser back and forth, Rose constantly changing her mind.

Though when I looked up at her, I noticed the large grin on her face. "I know. I was seeing how long I could make you do it. There's fine."

My jaw dropped. She had played me.

She laughed, returning to her bed. Though she hadn't moved the dresser as much as I had, I could tell she was exhausted. I wondered if what was bothering her was nightmares and if they were keeping her up as mine had. Granted, her's would be much worse than mine.

I picked up the side table and slid it in next to the bed, placing the water bottle on the corner so she could easily reach them now.

She gave me a tired smile, pulling her knees up and hugging them to her chest. "Thanks, comrade."

I smiled at her, "Of course, Rose." Careful to not use her Russian name in case it upset her again. I backed away from her, giving her space, taking my seat on the opposite wall.

Deciding that now we were alone and had a relaxed atmosphere between us; I opened my mouth to question her about what was bothering her. But before I could get the words out, Lissa had returned.

I sat back, realising it would have to wait. Instead, I settled in for the rest of the day, listening to Rose and Lissa talk as they settled down to watch the movies on Lissa's laptop, taking solace in hearing Rose's voice and seeing her smile.

Dimitri gotta be such a sweetie, giving Rose his side table.