Disclaimer: I don't own the Grisha Trilogy and its characters – it belongs to Leigh Bardugo. I do not own the Shadow & Bone TV series, which was developed by Eric Heisserer for Netflix and based on Leigh Bardugo's books. Any recognisable dialogue is from the books or TV show – some lines may be included verbatim, others in an amended form.
AU inspired by Harry Potter and Tom Riddle's Horcrux Diary.
Warnings for grooming. Aleksander kisses Alina when she is sixteen.
Diary
Alina finds the diary at the start of her fourth year, slipped in among her school books.
At first, she thinks it's an olive branch from Mal, an apology for how he'd called magic freakish and told her she was changing into a girl he didn't like, as if there is something wrong with her embracing her power.
She spends almost three years at the Little Palace weak and ill from suppressing her magic, until a near-death experience at the top of the Astronomy Tower forces it out, revealing her in the process to have the mythical gift of sun summoning.
There is no hiding her magic after that, and her rapid improvement astonishes her professors.
Mal, on the other hand, takes it badly. He thinks magic users are dangerous rogues.
She regrets telling him, ever thankful for her magic's instinct to protect her even while she pushed it away, binding Mal to silence and preventing her from breaking the Statute of Secrecy even further.
The diary stays in her trunk for the first few weeks of term, until she pulls is out as she's searching for her favourite scarf.
The cover is black leather, with the silver letters A.M. stamped on the top corner.
She gets most of her school things second hand, thinks that maybe this diary was tucked inside one of the books she purchased at Diagon Alley, some long-forgotten Christmas or birthday present.
When she flicks through it, she finds the pages are all entirely blank.
She wonders if maybe it would be good to get her thoughts down on paper. Perhaps it would ease the frustration she feels about Mal's behaviour.
It isn't as if she's really got other friends to confide in. Genya is a year older, busy with coursework for her OWLs. Fedyor is in his NEWTs year and, anyway, his boyfriend Ivan is usually around and always grumpy.
She picks up a quill, finds herself scribbling away in the book, an outpouring of worries and hopes that she knows she'll never share with anyone else.
Three pages are filled before she pauses for a moment. And then the ink starts to disappear, as if being sucked into the book itself.
"What the –"
She goes silent as new handwriting starts to cover the page, elegant and old fashioned.
Hello, my name is Aleksander. Who are you?
Alina lets out a little shriek, tosses the book clean across her bed.
What had seemed like a perfectly ordinary muggle diary is clearly anything but.
She's not stupid. She knows the basic steps for detecting a cursed item.
The diary had seemed fine, though. Even now, she can't feel any malicious magic. In fact, it feels familiar to her somehow, like an old friend.
And she's curious, fingers itching to pick the diary back up and find out who exactly Aleksander is.
It can't hurt, can it?
She picks it up, opens it and sees the ink still shimmering on the page. Then she starts writing.
My name is Alina Starkov.
Hello, Alina. How did you come across my diary?
It was in with my books. I'm not sure how it got there.
Magic works in mysterious ways, Alina. It was always meant to find you. I've been waiting for the Sun Summoner for a very long time.
Alina almost drops the diary, wide-eyed as she re-reads the words in front of her.
How does the diary know what she has only recently discovered?
She stares at the page for a good few minutes before new words begin to form.
Alina? Are you there? I didn't mean to alarm you.
I'm here.
I just … how did you know?
There's no mistaking your magic, Alina. It's like sunshine itself.
What did you mean when you said you'd been waiting a long time for me?
No answer appears in his handwriting on the page.
Instead, tendrils of shadows converge on her from every corner of the room, dancing lightly around her wrists before vanishing.
"Shadow Summoner," she whispers.
Maybe she should be wary. After all, the darkest wizard in Ravka's history was a Shadow Summoner.
It doesn't feel like that to her, though. Instead, she is excited at the idea of someone who might understand her.
She puts her pen to the page eagerly.
Will you tell me your story?
I'd like nothing more, Alina.
Aleksander is descended from Ilya Morozova, the School's most controversial Founder, and also from the Black Heretic, the dark wizard whose terrible feats nearly destroyed Ravka five centuries ago and left a permanent, monster-filled darkness spread across a vast swathe of forest that is avoided by muggles and magic users alike.
He sympathises with her difficulties, her attempts to master her newfound power and cope with the pressure and scrutiny. And he admits to her that he suffered his own share of hardships.
I could never escape my family's reputation. I share the same propensity for shadows as my ancestor did. It scared people, I think, made them nervous.
Just because of your ancestor? That doesn't seem fair.
The wizarding world is rarely fair, Alina. I imagine you know that already.
Alina thinks of the prejudice. Against muggleborns like her. Against anyone with veela or goblin or giant blood. Against those infected with lycanthropy. Against anyone who was other, really.
She is curious. About Aleksander and his experiences and his powers.
Will you tell me more?
What would you like to know?
Everything.
Alina writes in the diary every day, sometimes scribbling late into the night and having to ask Genya to perform a glamour charm on her in the morning (Genya is a whizz at those, far better than Alina).
Her best friend worries, asks what has her staying up so long.
"It's not nightmares, is it?" Genya asks, clearly thinking of the immediate aftermath of the incident that had brought out Alina's powers, when she could barely sleep for two hours at a time without waking up screaming and crying.
She smiles at Genya, hopes it doesn't look fake, "just reading."
"You and your books," her friend shakes her head, "you're already the top of your year. Even Headmistress Baghra is impressed, and you know how hard it is to please her."
In fact, Alina catches the Headmistress watching her sometimes, suspicion mixed with worry.
She is practicing out by the lake with her light one afternoon, when the Headmistress appears, asking her where she'd learned the hand movements she's using.
Alina lies, mentions she's been reading a lot but can't recall the exact book she found them in.
Instinctively, she knows she shouldn't admit that Aleksander is the one teaching her, describing the most effective hand movements for summoning, his own practice with shadows assisting Alina with her light.
If she knew, Alina is sure that the Headmistress would insist on looking at the diary and the thought of losing contact with it for even a few days almost makes Alina spasm in pain.
The diary is hers.
Summer comes and Alina brings the diary back with her to her foster home.
If she was paranoid about it at school, she is even more so now.
Ana Kuya performs room checks occasionally, though she keeps a distance from Alina's things. As Alina's guardian she is aware that the school Alina attends is one of magic and that it might be dangerous for a muggle like her to meddle with magical items. Unfortunately, Alina doesn't entirely trust the other foster children not to snoop – her books are all charmed to look like normal muggle ones, but she is terrified of what might happen if they get hold of the diary.
She takes it with her everywhere, tucked into her bag. She likes to brush her fingers over the cover every now and then, just to check it is there, to feel the soothing spark of Aleksander's magic.
There are chores to complete during the day, but Alina spends most of her free time in her room, writing to Aleksander and completing her summer homework.
Aleksander likes to discuss her light, asks countless questions and gives her plenty of suggestions for texts to read, even if many of them are rare and centuries old. Even better, he seems genuinely interested in her, making her heart sing and her stomach swoop.
When she reveals that Mal is still avoiding her, still glaring and watching her as if she is some monster rather than a person, Aleksander is indignant on her behalf. He rants about unworthy otkazat'sya who don't understand what is right in front of them.
She has to look the word up, only to realise it is an old-fashioned term used to describe muggles, one that hasn't been in common use for centuries.
How old are you, Aleksander?
Older than I look.
His answer isn't particularly helpful, since she has never seen him, only read his words.
Come to think about it, she has no idea how he came to be in the diary.
At first, she'd thought that maybe he was a charmed item designed to be interactive, but the diary has far too much personality for that to be the case. She's never heard about a wizard being transfigured into a diary that can write to people, but that doesn't mean it can't happen.
She tries to ask, subtly, to get some information about what happened to him. No answers are forthcoming, though. He obfuscates and avoids until she knows better than to question him.
It must have been a traumatic experience, she thinks, one that he doesn't like to talk about.
Poor Aleksander. She feels so bad for him.
One day, two months into her fifth year, Aleksander asks Alina the question she thinks she has subconsciously been waiting for since the first time they communicated.
Would you like to meet, Alina?
How?
This diary is its own little world, in a way. I can show you, if you want?
Yes. I'd like that.
She wonders if she sounds as eager as she feels.
To meet Aleksander, to see him in person.
The anticipation is almost too much to bear.
So, one Friday evening, Alina claims a headache and goes to bed early, drawing the curtains around her bed and layering a number of charms around it to ensure no one will disturb her.
I'm ready.
Hold on, Alina.
The pages of the diary began to blow as if caught in a high wind.
When they eventually still, something begins to bloom on the page – not writing, an image of sorts.
Alina lifts the diary, trying to get a closer look. Before she can even gasp, she tilts forward, feels her body leave her bed as she is pitched headfirst into the page, a whirl of colour and shadow.
She falls and falls and falls and, when she finally finds her feet hitting solid ground, she realises she is in somewhere entirely new.
It's a War Room of sorts, she thinks. Bookshelves lining the wall, a desk overflowing with paperwork. And in the centre of the room, a huge table covered by a map of the world.
"Hello, Alina."
She jumps, startled, and turns to look at the man who has spoken.
He looks to be in his early twenties. Dark hair, pale skin, almost painfully handsome.
"Aleksander?" she whispers.
He takes a few steps forward, reaches out his hand to her. When she takes it, she gasps as light and shadows rise to meet, entwining together.
It's one of the most beautiful and magical things she's ever seen.
"Oh, Alina," he seems as entranced by the sight as she is, "my Alina."
"What is this place?" she asks, when she finally finds herself able to form words.
He seems to be considering his answer, "it is … a prison and a safehouse at the same time."
"What do you –" she begins to question him.
He places one finger over her lips, though, halting her queries, "not yet, milaya, it's not time."
There is an authority in his voice that she cannot ignore and she falls silent, watching him closely but trying not to be too obvious about it.
He lifts his hands and shadows suddenly rush towards them, snaking around her ankles.
She watches him shape the shadows into different shapes, first simple things and then more complicated images.
She gazes at a shadow dragon in awe, "how do you do that?"
"That is easy enough, my Alina, a parlour trick really. I'll show you so much more. There are things you can do that you don't even realise yet."
"I want to learn," she tells him eagerly.
"You will, milaya," he promises, taking her hand, brushing his thumb over her wrist and sending sparks of surety and power through her body, "you and I are going to change the world."
Now that they can meet in the diary's little pocket universe, it's even better.
Aleksander teaches her handy little tricks for both her normal spellcasting and her control over the light she summons. He can correct her wand movements himself, rather than her trying to describe what she is doing so he can figure out what is going wrong.
He's such a good teacher, so patient and clear in his instructions. She'd think he was a professor himself, if he wasn't so young.
Alina spends as much time as she can in the diary.
She feels strong there, powerful.
When she's back in her own world she always seems to be lethargic, tired in a way she hasn't been since before her sun summoning gifts were revealed.
And at some point, Alina realises she's losing time.
Thirty minutes. An hour. Sometimes a few hours.
The Headmistress announces some books have gone missing from the Restricted Section, asks anyone who has information to speak with her or one of the professors. Her gaze seems to linger on Alina, though she has no idea why Headmistress would think she'd steal from the library.
She finds a book open on her desk, at the page that details how to add an undetectable extension charm to a trunk, but can't remember reading it.
"I think there's something wrong with me," she tells Aleksander, when they next meet, "but I can't figure out what it is."
He wraps his arms around her, tugs her close, "I'm afraid that might be my fault, solntse. I just didn't anticipate the tether."
"That what?"
"We are each other's balance, Alina, two sides of the same coin. There are no others like us, and there never will be."
"And that is making me tired?"
He sighs, "there is a connection between us, but it cannot work properly because I am stuck in this diary. If I could get free once more then we can be together properly, and you won't be drained by the tether."
"Is there a way to free you? I could ask the Headmistress, or –"
"No!" he seems furious for a moment, before his expression softens, "I just don't think she would understand. This kind of tether … many people would consider it dark, even though it really is the purest form of magic."
"So, what would we need to do?"
"It was powerful magic that created this diary, Alina," he tells her, "and it requires a sacrifice to enable me to be free."
"Like a Samhain offering?" she asks.
She doesn't relish the idea of killing an animal, or spilling a bit of her own blood, but she can do it, if it will help Aleksander.
"A little more than that," he says gently.
"What … oh," she suddenly realises what he is saying.
She can't do that.
Murder is wrong. It's a fairly straightforward thing.
But … she can't leave Aleksander trapped. He deserves to be free.
"Of course, I couldn't ask you to do such a thing," he tells her, "I wouldn't want to impose on you like that."
"I …"
Alina doesn't know what to say. She's so desperate to help him, but she's terrified of the cost.
"Shh," he leans down, brushing his lips across hers, one hand gripping the back of her neck to pull her closer as the other caresses her waist.
Her first kiss. It's a little embarrassing that it's taken until she is sixteen to receive it. Saints, though, it's worth it to have this.
"Aleksander," she murmurs, "please."
She doesn't know what she's asking for, can't quite figure it out in her head.
He kisses her more intently, lips roaming across her cheeks and neck before returning to her mouth.
When they break apart, he's watching her intently and she blushes furiously.
"You've got OWLs coming up soon, haven't you, milaya?"
She nods. She hasn't been thinking much about them, fairly confident she will get through them alright. Aleksander teaches her a lot about how to summon and use her light, but he is also a mine of information when it comes to other magical subjects.
"I don't want to distract you," he says, "put the diary away for a little while. We can talk again in the summer, when you've had time to think about everything."
Alina is stricken, "no, I didn't mean to annoy you, please don't leave me."
He laughs a little, stroking her face, "such ideas you have, my Alina. I'm not angry, and I would never leave you. I just want you to be able to focus on your exams. I'll be right here waiting during the summer."
She nods hesitantly, lets him press a kiss to her hair and hold her in a warm embrace.
"I'll see you soon, solntse," he says as she leaves.
She manages to hold back her tears until she's back in her room.
Genya is the one that finds her weeping, who tries to get the story out of her.
But what can Alina say?
That she's somehow fallen in love (because that must be what this is, this feeling in her chest, the way she hurts so much when they're apart, the incandescent delight she experienced when he kissed her) with someone who currently exists only in a diary. That the only way to free him is to kill someone.
"Just worried about exams," she whispers, "got a bit overwhelmed."
Genya takes her to the Hospital Wing and collects a Calming Potion that Alina has no intention of drinking.
Eventually, she manages to persuade her friend that she's fine, all better now, and Genya leaves to find her boyfriend David.
Alina studies hard for her exams.
She doesn't want to disappoint Aleksander.
It's true that she does get stronger now that she's not visiting the diary so much, but it is poor consolation, not enough to make up for no longer being able to see him.
When she has spare time, she thinks about what he said.
A life was required, a human one. It is something Alina isn't sure she can provide.
Except … well, no one said it needs to be a good person.
There are so many criminals out there, and surely it isn't that bad to sacrifice someone who is slated for execution. Almost better, really, since there would be the added bonus of freeing Aleksander.
Yes, she'll suggest that in the summer. She's not entirely sure how they'll accompany it, especially since Alina still has the Trace on her, but she'll do it for Aleksander.
She arrives back at Ana Kuya's house for the summer, happy in the knowledge that her OWLs went well and she has a plan to share with Aleksander to hopefully free him from his diary prison.
Before she can lock herself in her room and finally go to visit Aleksander, though, Mal barges in.
He looks at her and sneers.
No words come out of his mouth, but she knows what he's thinking. A year hasn't changed his mind about magic. He still hates it, still wants her to be weak and quiet just to make him feel better.
She is so angry, so very, very angry.
And suddenly, as if summoned by her rage, Aleksander is there in front of her.
She knows immediately that Mal can't see him. He is still glaring at her, paying no notice to the figure in between them.
"You could do it now, milaya," Aleksander suggests, his voice echoing all around her, "he'll never understand, will never forgive you for being better than him, more powerful."
The next few minutes are a blur.
She grabs a heavy bookend from the shelf behind her and then she is lost to a frenzied fury.
When she comes back to herself, Mal is on the floor, head a mess of blood, skull caved in.
The bookend is on the floor, covered in blood, and her own hands are sticky and stained red.
Her body seems to move of its own accord, murmuring words that the shade of Aleksander standing behind her whispers to her.
There is a flash of light then, a pulse of power that knocks her back, dazed and confused.
Then, Aleksander is crouching in front of her, more vivid and real than he has ever been.
"Well done, milaya," he coos, "such a brave girl, doing that for me."
"I … I killed …" she stutters out.
"You freed me, Alina," his smile is wide, white teeth flashing.
He gathers her up in his arm, murmuring that she is so good, his good girl, his precious Sun Summoner.
She likes that, enjoys the warm feeling in her stomach at his possessive praise.
"Are you really here?" she asks, trying not to sound pitiful.
He kisses her forehead, "I'm really here, my Alina."
"You won't leave me?"
"Never," he swears, sounding more serious than he ever has before, "it's just you and me now, Alina. Forever."
Forever, she thinks happily.
That sounds wonderful.
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.