Disclaimer: I don't own the Grisha Trilogy and its characters – it belongs to Leigh Bardugo. I do not own the Shadow & Bone TV series, which was developed by Eric Heisserer for Netflix and based on Leigh Bardugo's books. Any recognisable dialogue is from the books or TV show – some lines may be included verbatim, others in an amended form.
This chapter is a series of vignettes set when Alina is eight and nine years old.
Years I
Eight Years Old
Despite their fraught parting, Alina had thought she would miss Mal fiercely. They had been together so much at Keramzin that it seemed impossible that she wouldn't feel his absence deeply.
In the end, though, she found herself far too busy to do more than spare him a brief thought every few days.
Her lessons were difficult, even if they were interesting. At Keramzin, Alina had been one of the better-read children, her ill-health meaning she spent more time in the orphanage's sparse library than most of the other orphans. At the Little Palace, however, many of the children had come from comfortable or well-off families and had enjoyed a far superior education, so Alina found that she had to work hard to keep up with them.
The Little Palace library, thankfully, was far more inviting than the orphanage's. There were books on every topic she could think of, a choice of desks or comfortable seats, and it was always cosy and warm.
Baghra's teaching style involved an awful lot of whacking Alina in the leg with a cane when she couldn't do what was asked of her, and so she spent countless evenings sitting up late to practice with her light, making the glowing orbs grow bigger or smaller, and burn hotter or stay cool like moonlight.
Then there was time with Genya. It was easy to spend time with older girl – she never pressured Alina to talk about her powers and she was happy to chat about whatever Alina suggested while she tried out increasingly complicated styles on Alina's hair.
She was exhausted when she went to bed every night and distracted throughout the day with lessons and training. There really was just no time to think about her life at the orphanage.
Soon enough, she found she had settled into a predictable routine.
Five days a week she had lessons in the morning – she learnt History, Languages, Geography and Grisha Theory, as well as the basics of reading, writing and arithmetic – and then in the afternoon she saw Baghra and Botkin.
The other two days were meant for private study, training and relaxation. Students often met by the lake to test their powers and show off to each other, but Alina hadn't found the courage to go and join them yet, not comfortable with revealing her powers when she could barely summon a few flickers of light.
Still, as the weeks passed by she was pleased to find herself growing stronger, the combination of hearty meals (even if they did include far too much herring) and daily use of her powers turning her into a far more robust child than she had been at the orphanage.
Meanwhile, far away in Keramzin, a boy of nine years old was receiving a letter that he would carry with him every day for the years to come.
However, while Malyen Oretsev clung to the memory of his friend, Alina Starkov was in the process of forgetting her life at the orphanage, just as the Darkling wished.
She was Grisha, after all, and the Little Palace was where she belonged.
Eight Years Old
Ivan and Fedyor left to join the Darkling three weeks after Alina started her lessons.
She wasn't sorry to see Ivan go. He didn't seem to approve of anything she did unless it was her lessons or training. If she lingered over dinner to talk to Genya, he'd suggest her time was better spent in the library, and if she went for a walk in the gardens with Marie or Nadia, he'd insinuate that she was neglecting her training.
She was going to miss Fedyor, though. He was so cheerful, always ready with an amusing story or a comforting word if her lessons with Baghra hadn't gone well.
It was alright, though. She was getting to know the children in her classes better now, starting to understand her lessons a little more (apart from Fjerdan, that one was still a challenge) and becoming more and more familiar with the layout of the Little Palace (she almost never needed directions from her oprichniki anymore).
The Little Palace was starting to truly feel like home.
Eight Years Old
Alina's oprichniki rarely spoke. It took her three days to wheedle a name (Tomek) from one of them, and she had definitely seen a very brief smile on the face of another when she had managed to hold her light steady for a whole thirty seconds while practicing in a secluded part of the palace gardens. Apart from such brief moments, though, they rarely demonstrated much in the way of emotion.
Still, she was starting to be able to differentiate the six of them by the little glimpses of personality they let slip, and eventually she managed to learn all their names, mostly by asking so often that they got frustrated and told her.
Tomek was most likely to answer her questions. Viktor smiled the most, although it was still a rare sight. Igor was serious and watchful, always looking around for trouble. Leonid had a short temper, and while he didn't direct it at her, he had been known to scare Marie and Nadia away when he began to find their presence too irritating. Pavel was short and slender, like a gust of wind could knock him over, but Alina had seen him sparring with Botkin and he was light on his feet and quick with his punches. And, finally, there was Dimitri, who was in charge, and who had the uncanny ability to know exactly where Alina was even when he wasn't looking at her.
They shadowed her everywhere, always hovering on the peripheral of her vision or guarding her door when she was in her room.
At first, she found it odd and off-putting. The staff at the orphanage had almost never noticed when someone taunted her by calling her names like half-breed, or if she missed dinner to read in the library, or if she ran around with only one shoe because she'd lost the other one. Alina wasn't used to having people who watched over her so carefully.
She got accustomed to it soon enough, though. It became just another part of life at the Little Palace, one of the protocols put in place to ensure she was safe.
And if she could occasionally persuade Viktor or Tomek to sneak pastries from the kitchens for her to share with Genya, then that was just a bonus.
Eight Years Old
The Darkling returned from his tour of the army camps six months after Alina's arrival at the Little Palace.
She learnt this information from Genya, who always seemed to know everything that was going on in both palaces.
"Did the tour go well?" she asked, because this seemed like the polite thing to enquire about.
"Well enough, I suppose," Genya said, "no one seems jumpy so at least we know the Darkling isn't in a particularly bad mood."
Alina only nodded and then went back trying to make the light she had summoned split into two smaller orbs.
Troop movements and battle plans were important, she knew, but right now her bigger worry was impressing Baghra enough the next day that she wouldn't start using her cane as a weapon again.
-x-x-x-
Three days later and Fedyor turned up at the end of Botkin's lesson to bring her to the Darkling's receiving room.
She could hear her classmates whispering behind her back as she walked away with the Heartrender, her oprichniki following close behind. No doubt Marie and Nadia would be begging her for details later and would be sadly disappointed – Alina wasn't gossipy by nature and she was especially sure she didn't want to start now by talking about the Darkling.
It wasn't a long meeting, but Alina was pleased to see there was a plate of food waiting for her. She let out a sigh of relief when she saw there was no herring on the plate.
"Don't get used to this," the Darkling told her as she tucked in with relish to the Beef Stroganoff, "there is nothing wrong with herring."
Alina wrinkled her nose. She would beg to differ.
The Darkling quizzed her about her classes and her training with Baghra, looking pleased when she gave him a demonstration by filling the room with bright light.
He didn't keep her long after she had finished eating, sending her back to her room once she had confirmed she wasn't having any issues or problems that he needed to be aware of.
Four days after that and he was gone again, this time to the south, to deal with Shu soldiers that were encroaching further and further into Ravkan territory.
Stories filtered back about the horrors that were found in Shu laboratories and the atrocities committed by the enemy soldiers.
Thankfully, the news they received soon became more positive. The First and Second Army forces pushed the Shu soldiers back and it seemed like a victory, at least for the moment.
The Darkling went straight from the Shu Han front to the north, where Fjerda were causing trouble, without stopping in Os Alta.
Alina wondered how he kept going so tirelessly.
War, it seemed, was endless.
Eight Years Old
"Go away, Genya. I told you I'm not going to dinner."
"Sorry to disappoint, but I'm not Genya."
Alina wiped away the tears dampening her cheeks before she looked up and pierced Fedyor (recently arrived back from the Fjerdan front) with a mulish look, "I'm still not going to dinner."
"And why is that, malen'kiy?"
"Why couldn't I join the others when they went to see the ruins at the edge of the city?" she demanded, "it was a trip for History and I really wanted to go."
Fedyor came and perched on the end of her bed, his expression sympathetic, "you know why you weren't able to go. We couldn't be sure it would be safe."
"There were plenty of Grisha going," she protested.
"The Darkling was very clear, Alina. We cannot risk you leaving the palace grounds right now, especially when you aren't yet able to protect yourself."
Alina harumphed. It wasn't that life at the Little Palace was boring, and she truly did appreciate all the luxuries she received, but she was used to far more freedom. Back at Keramzin there had been fields and forests surrounding the orphanage to play in, and very little supervision.
"Now," the Heartrender added, "won't you come to dinner?"
"I'm not hungry," she insisted stubbornly.
Unfortunately, her words coincided with a loud rumble from her stomach.
Fedyor looked like he was about to laugh and she glared at him.
"Well, maybe you can eat here this evening," he said kindly, "Genya should be free to join you. But you must come to the dining room for breakfast tomorrow, and every other meal."
"Fine," she agreed a little reluctantly.
He smiled at her as he stood to leave, "I'll send Genya in with some food, and tomorrow at breakfast I'll tell you all about the cat that tried to adopt Ivan while we were down south."
It was only as he left that Alina realised she hadn't actually accomplished anything by refusing to go down for dinner, apart from the chance to eat in her room with Genya.
She made a note to try and bring the issue up with the Darkling when he was next at the Little Palace. Surely it wasn't too much to ask for, just to be able to go outside the palace gates every now and then.
And in the meantime, she'd have to content herself with Fedyor's stories and the amusing image of an exasperated Ivan being followed around by a cat.
Nine Years Old
"Happy Birthday, sunshine," Genya chirped as she swept into the room.
Alina sat up in her bed and saw her friend place a small parcel on top of the covers, "Genya, you shouldn't have."
"Of course I should," Genya smiled, "you made me such a beautiful scarf for my birthday."
Alina thought the scarf in question could not have been called beautiful by any stretch of the imagination. The wool had been a pretty amber colour to match Genya's eyes, but the finished product had been lumpy even if it would certainly be warm – knitting had never been one of Alina's strong suits.
She picked up the parcel and unwrapped it to find a little gold brooch in the shape of a sun.
"Oh, it's wonderful," Alina exclaimed.
"Dav – one of the Fabrikators helped me with it."
"Thank you so much, Genya."
"This is for you as well," Genya passed over a thick envelope, "Tomek gave it to me. He said it came from the Darkling."
Alina emptied the contents of the envelope onto her bed. There was no note, but there were about a dozen bookmarks, decorated with colourful patterns and delicate ink drawings of the sun. They would be perfect for marking her place in all the books she was reading at the moment, far more suited for the task than the ripped sheets of paper she currently used.
She smiled, "they're so pretty. What did he give you for your birthday, Genya?"
Her friend looked serious for a moment, "Alina, the Darkling doesn't give out presents."
"But .." Alina gestured to the pile on her bed that was proof he did.
"You're the Sun Summoner, it's different," Genya explained.
"I don't understand."
"Don't worry about it, Alina," Genya told her, "come on, let me do your hair for you, it looks like a bird's nest right now."
Alina allowed herself to be tugged over to the dressing table, where Genya twisted her unruly locks into a long braid.
Then there was a breakfast of pastries brought to them by Viktor, an amusing story told with great gusto by Genya about a failed Fabrikator experiment that had caused an explosion which left ten Grisha without their eyebrows and hair, a walk in the gardens and a trip to the library to collect some new books.
And in between it all, Alina's earlier curiosity over who the Darkling gave gifts to was entirely forgotten.
Nine Years Old
"Brighter," Baghra ordered.
Alina did as she was told.
"Now make it hot."
She aimed the beam at a piece of paper, which began to smoke as she burned a hole in the middle.
"Now remove the heat."
Alina felt a few beads of sweat gather on her forehead as she concentrated on making the light as cool as moonlight. She aimed it at another sheet of paper, breathing a sigh of relief when it simply lit the spot up rather than burning anything.
Baghra nodded, "good, now hold it."
Alina held it for one minute, then three minutes, then five minutes. When it got to seven minutes she began to falter.
She winced as Baghra's cane hit her shin. The beam of light vanished entirely, her concentration completely shattered.
The old woman shook her head, "you can't hold the light nearly long enough. Get out and don't come back until you can keep a steady light for ten minutes."
Nine Years Old
Alina watched out of her widow as a group of Squallers and Tidemakers practiced at the edge of the lake, some Inferni nearby throwing fireballs at targets.
"You could join them," Genya suggested.
Alina had been thinking the same for a few days now, ever since Dimitri had delivered a note from the Darkling, telling her that the King had requested (demanded) their presence at the Grand Palace once the Darkling returned so that the Sun Summoner could be shown to members of the Ravkan Court.
"They'll know soon enough," the Tailor added, "the Court is not known for its discretion. I'm honestly surprised the King lasted more than a year before making you give this demonstration."
"Will it be different afterwards?" she asked.
"Probably," Genya admitted, "there have been rumours about what you are ever since you arrived. Some of the students think you might be another Shadow Summoner. When they realise you're the Sun Summoner, they may get a little over-excited. We've grown up on the stories, you see, and Grisha believe them in a way many of the otkazat'sya do not."
"I just wanted more time," Alina sighed, "I can light up a room, but I'm no use against the Shadow Fold."
"Not yet," the Tailor admitted, "but have patience, Alina. You're only nine after all."
Alina didn't know how much being nine years old could bring relief. She still had far too many expectations weighing heavily on her shoulders, still knew that one day she would have to face the vast Fold, still worried about what would happen if she never managed to bring her powers to the required level.
However, she didn't want anyone to know quite how scared she was, not even Genya. So, she smiled, acted as if she was reassured and prayed to all the Saints that she would one day be equal to the task that awaited her.
-x-x-x-
The next evening, Alina ventured out to the lake where her classmates were practicing.
Her nerves were all in disarray and half a dozen times she nearly turned back. In the end, Genya grabbed her arm and dragged her outside.
"It will be good practice for when you are presented to the Court," her friend insisted.
"But what if I can't do it? What if I stand there and nothing happens?"
"You'll be fine," Genya told her, calm and soothing, "just relax and breathe."
As they got closer to the lake Alina could hear the other students whispering.
Genya stiffened as they passed two older Inferni. Alina didn't know what they had said but she glared fiercely at both of them and was pleasantly surprised when they actually looked a little abashed.
When she reached the water's edge, Alina turned away to face some trees, though she could still feel everyone's eyes on her even as they continued their own practice.
Genya gave her an encouraging smile and she felt grateful for the presence of a friendly face.
Alina took a deep breath, clapped her hands together and called the light.
Gasps echoed around her as she concentrated on making the light bigger and bigger.
She held it for as long as she could but, when she began to feel her focus wavering, she knew it was time to end her demonstration.
Another breath and then she pushed her hands out. The light exploded outwards, fading away and leaving only twilight behind.
There was a sudden silence and then raucous cheering.
Genya stepped forward and linked arms with her, letting Alina lean her weight against her without it being obvious. The demonstration had tired her more than she wanted to admit.
Marie and Nadia surged forward, laughing excitedly. Alina noted happily that, while they didn't speak to her, there were no sneers directed towards Genya, who seemed to have won a little respect by being the only person there who had clearly known of Alina's powers before her little show.
It took Alina about half an hour to escape. So many of the students wanted to talk to her or introduce themselves or tell her that, of course, they'd guessed ages ago that she was the Sun Summoner but they'd respected her privacy and not said it out loud.
"Saints," she said to Genya as they walked back towards the palace, "I guess I never understood just how overpowering their reactions would be."
The Tailor had warned her. And she could remember the awe the Grisha examiners had regarded her with, the way the Darkling had said he had been waiting for her.
It was still a shock, though. Almost scary, in a way. She'd felt rather a lot of pressure ever since she'd arrived and she imagined it would be even worse now, knowing how many people were watching her every move, waiting for her to deal with the Fold.
"I probably won't see you tomorrow," Genya told her, "the Queen has a luncheon and then a Dinner Party and she'll probably insist I'm close to hand all day. Still, there's bound to be some lovely cakes and she never minds if I take a few away with me – we can share them when I see you next."
"Have a good time," Alina smiled.
They parted at the door, Genya back to her quarters in the Grand Palace and Alina heading towards her room.
Unfortunately, Zoya was loitering in the corridor when Alina turned the corner. She hadn't seen the older girl down by the lake, but she assumed she had been there, probably hoping Alina would fail.
"It was a pretty light show," the Squaller conceded, once Alina had drawn level with her, "but I'm not sure how it will fare up against the Fold."
Alina knew well enough that her light wasn't close to being enough to make a dent in the vast Shadow Fold, but the Darkling hadn't seemed to expect that she would have to face it for a number of years yet. Still, it was daunting to be reminded yet again of the enormity of the task that awaited her and she didn't like it.
"Better than some wind," she retorted.
It was petty, really, but Zoya always seemed to know how to get under her skin.
The wind in question seemed to pick up for a moment, but then the Squaller clearly recognised it would be a mistake to attack her in front of her always-present oprichniki (Leonid already looked ready to chase her away, if only so he could get Alina back to her room and be relieved from his shift) and outside a training setting. With a slight huff, Zoya turned on her heel and marched away.
Alina sighed and went back to her room.
What she needed right now was a long bath and a good night's sleep.
Nine Years Old
The Throne Room in the Grand Palace seemed far more intimidating now it was crowded with curious lords and ladies who seemed to be scrutinising every inch of her.
Alina tried not to pay attention to them. She looked straight ahead at the King (who still didn't suit his military regalia), the Queen (whose beauty was just a shade too artificial to seem natural), Prince Vasily (almost handsome, but for his weak chin and the lidded eyes that suggested he might already be drunk, though it was barely past lunch) and Prince Nikolai (about twelve years old and the only one of them who looked cheerful, his eyes full of mischief).
The Apparat lurked to the side and she hoped that she wouldn't have to talk with him. His long beard, yellow teeth and ragged brown robes made him look more like a madman than the King's trusted spiritual advisor.
The Darkling stood next to her. When Alina caught his eye he gave her a tiny nod, as if to encourage her.
Still, her nerves rose. There were so many people watching – the Royal Family, the Court and a large contingent of Grisha arranged in their orders behind her.
A hush arose as the Darkling's shadows spread throughout the room, cloaking them all in darkness.
Although she could barely see him, Alina could sense his presence next to her. It was reassuring to know he was there, that he wouldn't let her fail in front of everyone.
"Now," he told her quietly.
She called the light, trying to ignore all the gasps and exclamations that rippled through the room.
She made the light bigger and bigger, until those closest to her had to shield their eyes. The Darkling, wrapped in his shadows, was the only one able to look directly at her.
When she reached a certain point, though, Alina started to feel the strain and she knew she was reaching her current limit.
Before she could panic, she felt the Darkling wrap his hand around her wrist. Her amplified light exploded outwards, banishing every shadow from the room.
The Darkling let go of her as the light faded away and the noisy applause nearly deafened her.
The King sat smug on his throne, looking as if he were personally responsible for her display rather than a spectator like the rest. The Queen and Prince Vasily looked bored, while Prince Nikolai seemed fascinated by what he had just witnessed.
The Apparat made her nervous. He stared intently at her, his mouth twisted into a crooked smile that Alina didn't like at all.
Thankfully, the Darkling headed towards the throne to speak with the King, and Alina was able to escape into the crowd of Grisha.
"You were wonderful," Marie gushed, "I still can't believe we have a Sun Summoner here."
"I think someone wishes we didn't," Nadia looked over to where Zoya was scowling so much she looked almost like Ivan's twin.
"She's just jealous," Marie said, "she's used to being the star pupil."
As far as Alina knew, Zoya was still the star pupil. Alina did well in History and Shu, but the Squaller was certainly the stronger one of the two of them when it came to academics generally, and she had a tight control and understanding of her power that Alina envied.
The three chatted for a few minutes and she began to relax. Most of the Ravkan Court seemed reluctant to try and accost her while she was surrounded by other Grisha, much to her relief.
Unfortunately, she soon spotted the Apparat moving through the crowd towards her.
"What's wrong?" Nadia asked, having noticed Alina's wide eyes and panicked expression.
"The Apparat is coming over here. He's just … I find him a bit creepy."
"Urgh, don't we all," Nadia agreed.
"He's always talking about the importance of suffering," Marie whispered, "as if he wants us all to bleed ourselves dry like poor Sankta Anastasia, or something equally gruesome."
"Well, we shouldn't just stand about waiting for him," Nadia said, "come on."
She plunged into a sea of red, blue and purple keftas and both Alina and Marie followed her. Being almost the youngest there, they had the advantage of being hidden by the taller students and adult Grisha milling around the room.
Alina wondered briefly if she should have stayed, but the Darkling had never mentioned that she needed to wait in the Throne Room after the demonstration was over. Besides, she got the feeling he didn't like the Apparat much either.
They ducked and weaved through the Grisha until they reached the doors.
Alina's oprichniki materialised as if out of nowhere, shortly followed by Fedyor.
"The Darkling says you can go back to your rooms now," he told them, "we don't want the vultures circling."
They left gratefully, talking on the way back about their most recent Grisha Theory assignment until they reached the Little Palace and Alina went towards her room, while Marie and Nadia headed towards the dormitories.
It was only later, after she was back in her room and tucked into bed following a long bath, that Alina realised she hadn't had the chance to speak with the Darkling and request permission to go and visit the city.
She muttered a curse under her breath, irritated with herself for forgetting. He would be with his aides all evening and this was truly a flying visit – he was leaving again the next day to go to Adena and she wouldn't have the chance to see him before he left.
At least this was meant to be a short trip. He'd be back in two months and she could ask him just in time for the festival that would be happening in the city.
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.