Chapter Ten
For the next few months of school nothing really changed for Caroline, her father would call every now and then when he had a chance to, but mostly her days were filled with school. Elijah watched his daughter like a hawk when more people started going missing and showing up dead, especially after the incident with Logan. Yet, even with his heightened protectiveness, he never would have guessed what would come next. Things changed drastically for both Elijah and Caroline when Kathrine turned her. For Caroline her world was in shambles, she was learning how to control bloodlust, she was remembering what Damon had done to her, and she was trying her best not to let her emotions get the best of her. For Elijah though, all he had was anger, he saw red and all caution of his brother following flew into the wind the moment Caroline was harmed by the woman his sister fittingly called the dopple-bitch. Elijah immediately headed to Mystic Falls, he needed to be there for his daughter, and he wanted revenge. He had called Liz and asked about Caroline, all she had told him was that Bonnie was with her. He had no idea what that meant, but he knew his daughter, and he knew the things she would be remembering. He would be there, just like he promised. Then, when the time was right, he would make Katerina pay.
Caroline sat in her room with Bonnie, she had killed a man, she hadn't meant to but the bloodlust was so strong. Tears fell down her face as she pulled her knees to her chest. Bonnie was still cleaning up Caroline's bloodied outfit, she sang in a whisper one of the songs they had used to sing as children. And she prayed to whatever being was out there that Elijah Mikaelson would show up soon.
Caroline began to unload the bag of food as she, Elena, and Bonnie prepared to have a girl's night. They hadn't had one in a while, she was hoping it would go well, and that she wouldn't lose her temper. She was already upset, though, because of the necklace that Damon was trying to get her to get from them. He was trying to compel her, but since she had been taking vervain she had to pretend that he had some control over her. She wasn't as much angry at them as she was at herself. So she tried her best to act like she was angry at them, like she still liked Damon, and like she had no idea the world they knew existed, existed. It was beginning to become a pain in the butt, and sadly it meant that she had to be at least a little upset at her friends who were finally including her again. Yet, Elena kept making faces trying to get Caroline to apologize. So finally, Caroline put on her best acting performance and began to speak,
"I'm sorry. There. I said it. If you want the ugly-ass necklace, keep it. It's yours."
"Will you hate me if I tell you I threw it away?" Bonnie asked, skeptically.
"You threw it away!" Caroline asked in shock.
"I know it sounds crazy, but the necklace was giving me nightmares. I had to get rid of it." Bonnie explained.
"You could have just given it back to me." Caroline replied.
"Why? So you could give it back to Damon?" Elena asked. Caroline pretended it didn't hurt that her friends thought so lowly of her, she hated that they never seemed to actually care. She tried her best to swallow her hurt, though,
"Screw Damon. Are we doing manicures or what? Who has their kit?" Caroline asked, trying to take the subject off of Damon.
"Mine's in my bag." Bonnie replied.
"So, Elena…" Caroline began.
"Hmm." Elena replied.
"How long do you think this fight with Stefan's going to last? Is it like a permanent thing?"
"I don't know, Caroline." As Elena replied, Caroline pulled the exact necklace they had been talking about from Bonnie's bag. She took a deep breath, she hated the fact that she had to act like she cared that Bonnie lied to her. Honestly, Caroline had become used to their lies, and it didn't even bother her anymore. But she forced herself to speak, her act coming together perfectly after the years of practice,
"Why are you such a little liar, Bonnie?"
"What?" Bonnie asked.
"Caroline." Elena began, both paused when Caroline held up the necklace. Bonnie looked in fear, Elena in confusion.
"I'm not lying to you, Caroline, I swear." Bonnie explained.
"It's true. I watched her throw it into a field." Elena backed Bonnie up.
"Well, then explain it." Caroline replied, looking back at Bonnie.
"Emily." Bonnie answered, looking fearfully at Elena.
"Who's Emily?" Caroline asked.
"The Ghost." Bonnie once again spoke to Elena.
"Oh, the ghost has a name now?" Caroline asked.
"Caroline, please." Elena requested, holding her hand up to shush Caroline's questions.
"I wonder why she won't leave me alone." Bonnie questioned.
"Okay, what is going on? Why am I not a part of this conversation? You guys do this to me all the time." Caroline began, her temper finally breaking through.
"That's not true." Elena tried.
"Yes it is." Bonnie corrected Elena, before once again looking at Caroline, "I can't talk to you. You don't listen."
"That's not true." Caroline replied.
"I'm a witch." Bonnie replied.
"And don't we all know it?" Caroline answered, she realized too late that her friends would think she was being sarcastic.
"See? That's what I'm talking about. I'm trying to tell you something, and you don't even hear it." Bonnie replied before leaving the room upset. Caroline realized then that she had to tell Bonnie the truth, but to try and hold up the act to Elena, she turned back around.
"I listen. When do I not listen?" Then she took a sip of water, took a deep breath and followed calmly after Bonnie. To Elena, it would look like she was going to apologize, which in a way she was, yet to Caroline she also knew that Bonnie was now going through something that Caroline had been through. She was learning about the supernatural and all it included, and she was doing it alone. No matter how much Elena knew, she was removed, she didn't understand what it meant to have the supernatural run in your blood. Caroline did, and now Bonnie did, and Caroline also now knew that her friend needed her, just like she had needed a friend, and no matter how much it had hurt that her friends hadn't been there for her, she wouldn't make them go through the same.
"Bonnie. Would you go on a walk with me? There is something I want to show you." Caroline asked, once she made her way into the living room, where Bonnie was sitting.
"I guess." Bonnie replied before getting up to follow Caroline.
"Elena, Bonnie and I are going to go on a walk real quick, we will be back soon, if you want you can set up the movie!" Caroline yelled through the house before stepping out onto the porch. Bonnie was somewhat confused at the situation and as to where Caroline was taking her. As they began the walk up the road towards the entrance into the woods where the village was, Caroline began to talk,
"I do listen, Bonnie. I listen more than you know. I'm just really good at acting, because I have to be."
"Why do you have to be good at acting?"
"Do you remember when Elena's parents died?"
"Of course I do." Bonnie replied.
"Do you remember what you told me that night at the hospital when I wanted to see Elena?"
"I don't think so."
"You told me that it would be better for me not to see her, because I didn't know what she was going through, and you did, because your mom had left." Caroline explained. It had been one of the most hurtful things her friends had ever said to her.
"I said that to you?"
"Among other things through the years, all of which told me that neither you nor Elena thought I understood anything you went through. You acted like I had a perfect life."
"That's because you do, Caroline. You have an amazing mom and even though your dad left he still calls you and comes to see you. You have everything." Bonnie replied.
"You still really think that?"
"I mean, yeah."
"Mr. Forbes hasn't called me since he left, he hasn't sent a card, and he hasn't come to see me. Mrs. Forbes, tries her best and I know she loves me as if I was her own child, but…"
"As if you were her child? Caroline, you are her child." Bonnie interrupted.
"No, Bonnie. I'm not. I was adopted at nine months old, or the equivalent of nine months. My mother died in childbirth and my Father couldn't keep me, he found a family who would understand why, one that could protect me from the reason he couldn't keep me, and he gave me up. He didn't come back into my life until I was thirteen. That was when Mom explained everything to me."
"You were adopted? Caroline, I had no idea, but still, you didn't know your mom, I know growing up without one is hard, but it's not what Elena went through."
"That's what you don't understand, though. My father's name is Elijah Mikaelson, he was born December 22nd, 977 AD. He was turned into a Vampire by the original witch in 1001. I was born the day after he turned. He had a witch place a spell on me so that I wouldn't age, so that he could find a place for me to grow up happy. He and his siblings had too much bloodlust. He took me with him around the world, running from their father who wanted to kill them for the next thousand years. Then, when he found the Forbes he gave me up, leaving with me a book of information, letters, photos of the family, and his contact information to be given to me on my 13th birthday. Here we are." Caroline explained, ending with pointing at the village houses in front of them.
"Where is here?"
"When you said those things to me when Elena died, it almost broke me. I didn't understand why it hurt so badly, but when I called my dad crying he seemed to understand, he showed up that night and held me while I cried. The next morning, he brought me here. Then it was just a clearing in the woods, but he told me that this is where he had grown up. He also showed me this." Caroline answered, handing her book to Bonnie, opening to the page of the spell that had kept her young.
"This spell links you to someone else's life force, memories, and experiences. This would make you have every emotion, or personality trait, that they have." Bonnie read in shock.
"I was linked to my father, the emotions I was feeling were because you had said I hadn't lost someone I loved, yet I had never met the person I was spelled to love the most." Caroline paused, taking a deep breath and leading Bonnie over to the porch of her parent's house before continuing, "I do listen Bonnie. I listened when your grandmother used a spell to let me meet my mother, I listened when my father told me that you were a witch and with your grandmother gone you would need someone to rely on. I listened to you Bonnie, I listened to your pain, to your hurt, to it all. I know that I pretend like I don't, it's because nobody can know who I am. My uncle wants to find and kill Elena, and the moment he knows she exists is the moment he will come and start hurting the people I love. I can't tell anyone these things because people's lives hang in the balance, so I act. I act like I'm the typical blonde bitch, who has everything in the world handed to her. Then I come here, and I sit on this porch and I look out at the woods and I picture an image my father showed me. I picture my aunt picking flowers by that tree, and one of my uncles chasing after my father in a game of tag. I picture my mother carrying a bucket of water towards the house with a smile on her face as she watches my dad play with his siblings. I picture the world I was supposed to live in, the world I long for, and I cry. Then I go home, go to bed, wake up, and start over. Bonnie, I know what you're going through more than Elena ever will, and I'm sorry I've been such a jerk. I wasn't supposed to tell you all of this, and I didn't know how to be there for you and to hide something this big at the same time."
"You have known all of this since you were 13?" Bonnie asked, looking at Caroline from her place beside her on the porch. Caroline could see tears building in Bonnie's eyes.
"Yeah."
"Caroline, if I had known…"
"There is no reason for an apology, Bonnie. I have made peace with my reality, Bonnie."
"You definitely don't sound like yourself. I guess that's because I don't know you anymore."
"You do know me, Bonnie, you just didn't know everything. I am still the same I was, I just have a better understanding of the real world."
"You mean you have a better understanding of pain." Bonnie corrected Caroline with a sad look in her eyes.
"Everyone learns it eventually. Some more than others. Like I said, Bonnie, I have made my peace. I know who I am, and I know that I am worth something. Sure, I still ball my eyes out and long for another time, it still hurts when Elena pretends like I have no clue what life is, and it sucks that Damon treats me like a personal minion, but I can't fix that right now. I am where I am, I can't tell Elena the truth, or it would put her in more danger than ever before, and I can't let Damon know I know the truth. I am where I am, and I can't do anything about it, but it's okay." Caroline explained.
"How is that okay?"
"Because I don't have to have a perfect life. I have a dad who loves me, I got to meet my mom, and I have an adoptive mother who loves me as if I were her own. I am protecting those I love with each day that I keep up this act, and I am protecting my father from his brother's wrath by keeping my head down and my mouth shut. You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders Bonnie, and everyone treats you like their servant who has to do what they ask, but you are protecting those you love with every spell, you are keeping us all safe. You and your grams have both done that since the day I got here. Your grams protected me and my father more than I could ever thank her for. I know what it feels like to hurt day in and day out because of what you carry, but you have to remember that you are saving lives. And you are always welcome to escape here for a little while, no vampires can get on the property and nobody knows it's here."
"How did I luck out so much to get you as a friend, even after all I have done?" Bonnie asked, pulling Caroline into a hug as they stood to walk back.
"I'm the one who lucked out, I could have grown up not knowing you would ever even exist, but instead I get to grow up with you by my side.
As Bonnie finished cleaning up, she heard the door to the house open, so she walked out into the hall. When she saw Elijah, she was a little surprised to realize he looked familiar, and yet at the same time he didn't look much like Caroline.
"You must be Mr. Mikaelson." Bonnie asked.
"I am, and you must be Bonnie Bennett. How is she?"
"She is broken, she is beating herself up for killing someone, and she is trying her best to pretend like she can't feel the bloodlust, but I think we all know the truth. That spell you used couldn't have been worse for a transitioning vampire, she has all the emotions you ever felt when you turned, and now she has her own, all heightened." Bonnie answered.
"Is she in her room?"
"Yeah."
"Thank you for your help, I don't know what I would have done without you."
"You will never have to find out, I will always choose her, and I will never abandon her."
"You don't know how thankful I am for that, I am not sure that I will be able to repay you." Elijah replied.
"You don't have to." Bonnie could tell she was in the presence of a powerful man. He held himself with confidence, and he radiated his power and age with every move and word. Yet, as she watched she saw it all fall away the moment he stepped into the presence of his daughter, and the only thing Bonnie could see then was a worried and hurting father trying his best to protect an already broken daughter. She knew then, that this was indeed where Caroline had gotten almost everything she had, in that moment Elijah looked nothing if not like his daughter.