Don't Own Borderlands, Only The Oc.

'thought'

"Speech"

System

"Speech through echo devices and Text via book, notes, or newspaper... when those are around..."

(Mid Chapter Authors Notes)

The back of a large robot slowly falls towards us as I blankly stare upwards. "Oh well. Za Warudo and all that."

Time freezes as I point at the large golem that is backhanding said large robot. Two large purple hands sprout from its back and grab onto its limbs as I walk over to Lilith, pick her up under my arm, grab Scooter by the scruff of his shirt, and pull Gaige close with my other arm.

Power begins to flow into me from the large vault monster as I turn and wander out of the destructive path of the golem.

I drop Lilith and Scooter, then scoop Gaige up into a bridal carry with a small smile.

The speed I am draining this beast is increasing steadily, at this rate I bet I could do it in... ten minutes or so.

Everything starts to move again, but I stop time again, this time I use quite a bit of my life force to extend the duration of the time stop... and just wait.

At the end of my wait, several things happen, Lilith and Scooter hit the ground, Gaige realizes she is being held by me and wraps her arms around my shoulders, the back of the giant robot smashes into the ground as the vault monster... screams...

*SCRAAAAAAAAH*

It staggers backwards, arms flailing wildly as it tries to reach the limbs on its back flutily, it teleports to the side, clearing one hundred feet in a single warp, its head crashes into a nearby mountain face as it staggers back.

The robot slowly gets to its feet and glares at the large vault beast.

The robot, looks a little strange, honestly, it has MASSIVE legs, but no feet, dinky little arms- compared to the rest of its body- and a face in the center of its torso.

It lets out a fairly cute cry as it rushes the large golem and punches it in the face, causing rocks to fly from its body as it staggers backwards.

"Heeey! I can do this!" The robot chirps as it hammers another punch into the large golem.

It raises a leg and smashes a kick into the rock monster's torso, pinning it to the cliff face.

The golem shrieks and throws the robot off, causing it to topple to the ground as it warps above it and stomps a foot down on it.

It's still being drained by my powers.

I shift my grip on Gaige and smirk down at her. "So. Robot versus giant vault beast? That's almost as cool as vault beast versus giant vault beast."

"It's a little... boring?" Gaige mutters. "Er, appearance wise, I mean. We've fought a bird made of fire, giant sand whale worm thing-"

"Which wasn't a vault monster." I cut in "It was merely a juvenile"

"We've seen a giant molten rock lizard, and then a three headed rock dragon."

We glow purple as Lilith teleports us onto a nearby cliff face, Scooter promptly vomits, but the sirens are okay, and that's all that matters.

"A sentient rock is a little boring, no?" Gaige continues, ignoring the teleportation.

"That's sort of what I'm thinking." I agree with a small nod. "I mean, it can teleport, but that's about it."

We watch the robot lock hands with the giant golem and kick its shin, trying desperately to wrestle it to the ground.

"Anyways, we've got like... maybe a couple more minutes before my draining kills it? The longer I drain the faster it goes, so really it could be shorter as well."

The golem knees the robot in the chest, then, as its grip loosens, it teleports behind the metallic being and pounds both of its hands on it, much like a gorilla might, it picks up a large hunk of rock and breaks it over the robot's body as it falls to its knees.

I slowly look to Gaige. "So, like, where the heck did this big ass robot come from, anyways?"

She shrugs. "No clue. It looks a little bottom heavy, though."

"True." I agree as I shift my grip on Gaige slightly. "It's actually doing surprisingly well against the teleporting beast... I bet Fluffy would have obliterated them both, though."

I let out a quiet sigh. "Damn it, fluffy. I still miss that big rocky idiot."

Gaige tightens her arms slightly and gives me a sad smile. "Yeah, fluffy was pretty cool."

We sit there, watching the giant robot fight against the warping vault monster for a while in silence, eventually, the robot wins against the swiftly dying golem and stands victorious on its corpse.

You have leveled up x10

A rocket hits the robots back as it staggers forwards, some white haired woman steps out from behind a rock and approaches with the rocket launcher.

"Oh? Is that the bandit boss for those fuckers who were in Scooter's garage?"

I sit Gaige down and pull out a longbow grenade.

I hold it atop my fingertips as I carefully aim it. "Let's see here..."

"You're going to kill her? Just like that?" Gaige quirks an eyebrow.

"Pfft- yeah." I snort. "She shot the robot... boy? Girl?"

"Fire in the hole!" I grin as I tug the pin out of the grenade.

With a shower of sparks the pointed grenade rockets from my hands and sinks into the bandit's back, then in the next moment she is engulfed in a fiery explosion.

The group of Gaige, Lilith, Scooter, and I gaze out over the landscape, a large archway containing a yellowish portal sits in the distance, I look to Gaige, then to Lilith. "Eh, I don't feel to strongly about going in there. It's a vault, sure, and probably has treasure, but I sort of feel like I did none of the work despite pretty much entirely killing the beasty... I didn't look for the key, I didn't have kickass adventures, eh, I'm just not feeling it. I guess I'm glad about getting vault beast's power, though."

"Eh, yeah." Gaige agrees. "There's no real point. Those girls we saw in scooter's garage are the ones who opened it, right? Let them have it. They seem sane enough."

Rock of Ages: (The Traveler)
Your Sixth skill tree has been unlocked.

Skill Tree 6: Traveling Tales

Phase-Warp: (600 Second Cooldown)
With this power you can teleport to any location you know of, swiftly traveling to the exact location you designate. You also have the ability to bring along any companions or items you are touching. In its base state you may bring up to 2 people with you, or items weighing up to 400 Pounds.

'Ah. So it looks like it has come full circle. I have phase warp now... the ability I used to disguise my time stop.'

I glance to the perks of this new tree.

Careful Packer: 0/5
The weight limit of your teleportation improves by 200, plus you can carry an additional 1 person.

Free-form Warp: 0/5
Your Phase Warp cooldown is decreased by 30 seconds

Astral Essence: 0/3
After completing a Phase Warp, you temporarily deal an additional 15% melee and weapon damage.

"Hm." I hum. "Anyways, see you around, Lilith. Gaige and I are going back to Sanctuary."

I swap out my action skill and with a purple flash, the two of us disappear off the face of pandora.

With another purple flash we reappear back in Sanctuary, within the room we have been staying in for legitimately all of our time spent in Sanctuary.

Gaige blinks the spots out of her vision and looks around slowly. "So... you can teleport, hn? That neat."

I sit her down and smile. "Yeah, it's pretty neat if I do say so myself... now I can legitimately Phase warp instead of simply using that name to disguise my powers."

"Oh, and that reminds me of a joke I told myself when I discovered my powers." I smile.

"hn? What is it?" She questions as she takes a seat on the bed.

I point both hands at her and give her finger guns. "The male Siren ability... Phase Cock."

She gives me a half-lidded stare for a long moment, she glances around the bed slowly, eyes eventually locking onto a pillow.

She grabs it and hurls it at me head as hard as she can, it bounces off harmlessly, but the message is still passed.

"Boooo! Get off the stage!" She groans.

"You're just jealous you aren't as funny as I am." I pout as I cross my arms.

"I'm not." She nods. "I far surpass you in funniness."

"Oh? Is that so? Tell me a joke, then." I demand with a impassive glare.

Gaige seems to think on it for a moment.

"…" I give her around thirty seconds to think of something.

"You!" She cheekily states with an impish grin

"I gave you an entire thirty seconds to think of something and you couldn't even come up with a knock knock joke?" I sigh and shake my head. "Looks like I must reluctantly bring the humor to our relationship. Shame."

She lets out a single huff of amusement and flicks my shoulder as I take a seat next to her.

"Soooo." I continue. "What were we talking about before we saw the space station falling from the sky? Something about... sex?"

"I distinctly remember saying no sex yet." The girl beside me pouts as she leans her head on my shoulder.

"Did you? Psshhh nah, I don't remember that, that was soooo long ago, maybe you are misremembering it."

"It was legitimately not even thirty minutes ago." Gaige deadpans.

"I can dream, Gaige. I can dream." I let out a quiet sigh.

It has been a pleasant forty or so hours, after we killed the vault monster and returned to sanctuary, we went back to our mostly normal life style.

*CRASH*

Gaige flinches violently as our door is flung open with a loud crashing noise, the Pandoran moonlight shines through our boarded-up window as we had both been asleep, spending a long night of watching movies with Tina occasionally dropping by to ask things like 'Are you winning my boy?' Or 'If you are fucking, I'm joining in' as she opens the door.

We both silently glare at the doorway to see Tina standing there with an impish grin, she steps back out of the room and returns a moment later as she wheels in Angel, who is still wheelchair bound, she is getting better of course, but it's a work in progress.

"Yes, Tina?" I ask with a low groan. "What is it that you feel the need to wake us up not even an hour since we first went to sleep?"

She grins Impishly. "Get on your coats, we've got some fun things to do!"

"nnnnnnnn." Gaige groans "Tina, please... let us sleep."

"But if you sleep, who's going to help us save Mercenary day?!"

I allow an eye to crack open. "Hn?"

"Everyone seems to have forgotten about mercenary day in all the excitement!" Tina growls as she clenches her fists. "We have to fix this!"

"…"

She points at me dramatically. "DAVID! I need your help! Your powers can right this wrong and save mercenary day!"

Gaige and I give her a long hard stare, I look to the wheelchair girl. "Hello, Angel, how are you today?"

"I'm fine." She smiles. "but... this would be the first mercenary day in almost a decade that I am able to spend out of my room... it would mean a lot to me if it actually happened."

She shyly looks at the floor and scratches the back of her head. "So, could you please help us?"

I glance to Tina. "Really? Getting Angel to guilt trip me? Seriously?"

Her smile grows, causing me to let out a long groan and fling the blankets off my body. "Fiiiiiine."

Gaige lets out a long sigh and releases me, sitting up from bed and wiping her eyes. "Damn it Tina. This is not how I wanted to spend the night."

"YES!" Tina exclaims as she hops and pumps her fists.

She turns, slowly wheeling Angel out of the room. "Follow me! The first thing we need to do is quite simple."

I look to Gaige, then to the two leaving girls.

"They're not even letting us put our shoes on, hm?" I ask slowly.

Gaige rolls her eyes but nods her head. "I mean, she does have a point thought... I had sort of forgotten about mercenary day. I had thought nobody on pandora celebrated it and put it out of mind. I'd sort of like to celebrate it."

I slip my sneakers on as Tina and Angel comes back, the latter looking slightly apologetic while the prior just asks. "Are you coming or what? We've only got so much time before people start waking up!"

"Yeah, yeah." I scoff. "We're just getting our shoes, Tina."

I get up and stretch, letting out a quiet yawn as I slowly approach the two girls, Gaige eventually coming to a stop beside me. "So where to first, Tina?"

"The quick change!" She smirks. "Come on my loyal elves! We have to save Mercenary Day!"

Gaige and I slowly follow the tiny bomber and make our way to the town square, not many people are up at this hour, only a couple people here and there, nothing like it is during the 'awake' hours.

We pause in front of the quick change as I cross my aims. "Now what?"

"Now please wait for me as I change into an outfit I have pre-purchased!" The girl grins as she disappears into the quick change.

Thirty seconds pass, then in the next moment she steps out, clothing now drastically different.

Instead of the dirty dress, mismatched shoes, socks, Psycho mask she normally wears, she is now wearing black boots, long red stockings with fluffy white ends, she wears a red mini skirt with white fluff around the hem, she wears a red tube top, with the classic Christmas themed white fluff around the collar, and finally, atop her head, she wears a simple Santa hat. She is showing off a frankly uncomfortable amount of stomach. "Awww yeah! Sexy Santa outfit!"

Gaige and I give her a blank stare, then look to each other.

Angel gives her a small golf clap.

""Stop Encouraging her."" Gaige and I deadpan at the same time with a light glare.

"Oh!" Tina grins. "I also got these for you!"

She steps around the three of us and slaps a Santa hat on each of our heads.

"Okay." I slowly blink. "So what's next?"

She swiftly walks over to a nearby mailbox and slips a letter into it. "Alright, that's my Mercenary day list sent."

She pulls out a check list. "That's step one and two, next is... decorations! David! Magic us up a tree!"

She points to the town square. "Right there!"

I let out a sigh and walk into the town square, then spend a little essence to summon a tree.

"Now we need some decorations! Don't forget the disarmed grenades, the lights, or the star!"

Several boxes of Christmas decorations appear on the ground as I let out another quiet yawn.

"Let's get decorating, Team!" The girl grins.

Gaige rubs her forehead to try and rid herself of any tiredness then grabs a spool of Christmas lights.

Two white-ish wings appear on her back, each turning multicolored near the ends. She slowly floats around the tree, wrapping the lights around it.

I follow along and sit a star atop the tip of the tree and secure it in place with a few strings as Tina skips around the bottom of the tree, placing grenades on strings wherever she can reach.

Angel is slowly wheeling around, placing the glass ornaments here and there.

I float back down and take my own set of Christmas ornaments and begin slowly placing them where Tina can't reach.

It takes a while, but eventually, after about thirty minutes, we fully decorate the tree and move onto other things... such as hanging up other decorations around the town square, by the time we are done 'mercenary day-ifying' the town square it has been over an hour, Tina lets out a couple tired pants from her near constant sprinting as Angel looks a little pale, sweat on her brow.

"It has been a while since I have exerted myself this much." The black-haired girl mutters.

"You get used to it." The blonde huffs.

"So, what's next?" I ask, not even slightly out of breath.

"W-Well, I had wanted to decorate the entire town, buuuut FUCK that. That'd take years! So, I guess we'll just have to settle for the town square!" Tina state as she pulls out a list. "The next thing on our to do list to save Mercenary Day? GIFTS!"

"Okay?" I mutter quietly. "That's... easy-"

"Also, we're gonna break into our friends' houses, decorate a little bit there as well and leave our gifts."

"And there it is." I correct. "The hard part... and you plan to use my powers to make the gifts, right?"

"Yep!" Tina grins.

"Greaaaaat." I slowly state. "Do you at least have ideas on what to give people?"

"I sort of hoped you would?" She mutters as she nervously scratches the back of her head.

I appear in the middle of an apartment with a frown, Tina under my arm, I drop her, then with a snap of my finger a small decorated Christmas tree in a plant pot appears in the corner of the room.

Its dark, the only light being from the moonlight peering through the windows, and the dim light appearing under the bedroom door.

*slap slap slap slap*

"K-K-Krieg! Don't stop! H-harder! Do it harder!~"

Tina wordlessly sits down a small wrapped box with a bow on it, then a slightly larger box that's almost bat length, written on a small tag is who it's for, Maya and Krieg respectively, and who it's from, a mysterious sounding 'Santa's Little Helper'.

"Maya I am about to- MEATSPLOSION!"

I sit down an unwrapped gift of birth control and then slap a bow on it.

I grab Tina and teleport back outside.

She casts a glance at me as she leans on me and wiggles her eyebrows up at me.

I give her an impassive tired stare.

"Pshhh." Tina waves off. "I don't need your help for this one, Brick's a heavy sleeper and the window is ground level. I can get in, set up a tree, and be out before the hour's up!"

She creeps over to the window and gives it a jiggle. "See? The window isn't even locked!"

She opens it and begins to clamber through.

The window slides down and traps her half way through the window sill.

"…"

I give Gaige and Angel a look as Tina is practically giving all of us a view up her skirt which should definitely be longer because of how cold it is.

She blinks and struggles briefly, slightly raising the window as she freezes, she turns and loudly speaks through the gap in the window. "oh no, I'm stuck! I sure hope no extremely hot male sirens decide to take advantage of me and use their throbbing meat wand to absolute demolish my petite pu-"

I open the window, causing her to flip forwards and faceplant on the concrete floor.

She gets up slowly and brushes herself off, then pouts at me, looking only mildly annoyed at what would have broken the nose of someone without a shield.

I glance inside to see Brick asleep cuddling a teddy bear.

With a wave of my hand a much larger teddy bear appears along with a potted Christmas tree that looks sad compared to the larger than man sized teddy bear.

Tina struts up to the bear and slaps a bow on it.

She walks back to the window and climbs out. "You can never let me have fun, can you?"

I close the window. "Not when you are causing me physical psychic damage with each word."

"Can you please stop flirting with my boyfriend when I am right here, Tina." Gaige growls.

"ooooh, someone's possessive!" Tina grins as she skips around Gaige. "Don't worry, your fine ass isn't forgotten either! I'd gladly spend a night of fun with you as well."

"C-Can we move on, please?" Angel asks, a now scarlet blush on her face.

"Please." I plead, shoulders slumping.

"Mnnn." Tina pouts. "Fine."

She pulls out a check list.

"Lets see here... we gave the lovebirds-"

She pauses and looks between Gaige and myself.

She looks back to the paper. "We gave Krieg and Maya their thing, plus found some juicy blackmail-"

"What do you mean by that?" Gaige asks.

"Oh, Maya and Krieg were fuckin'." Tina shrugs.

"No no- well, I mean, ew, but like what did you mean by lovebirds when you not so subtly glanced to us?"

"I mean, is she wrong?" I ask.

Gaige opens her mouth, then closes it. "Right. In my tiredness I forgot where I was for a moment. For about ten seconds I was back in high school. Ugh."

"I wish I went to high school." Angel mutters.

"No you don't." Gaige replies easily. "It is a soul sucking hell world only slightly better than pandora... at least here if someone hurts your feelings you can shoot them in the face... you can't do that on 'civilized' worlds. You just have to sort of accept it as people try desperately to ruin any and all of your social life, and all in all, it only teaches you things that you could easily learn from the internet."

"I... think you might have just had a bad school, Gaige." Angel states.

"Maybe. But that place still made me a mass murdering psychopath who is on the run from the law... or was until my case files mysteriously vanished a couple nights ago."

"Alright!" Tina grins. "We got Maya and Krieg, we gave Sal his loot to booze keg, then we got to Rolley Polley, Morde, those fiiine pieces of ass, Lillith and Moxxi, then we also got, Axtron, Scooter, and lastly, Bricky."

She looks up to us. "Now all we need to get is Zero, doctor Zed, and Hammylocks."

"What about Marcus." I ask.

"Pfft. Marcus deserves coal this year. That dude sells to whoever, even bandits." Tina waves off.

"What about claptrap?" Angel asks.

"What about claptrap?" Gaige asks with a raised eyebrow.

"I think that funny little robot deserves something." Angel pouts.

"Yeah." I scoff. "A bullet to the eye."

"Why are you all so mean to clappy!" Angel cutely seethes. "We could always get him that one wheel that let him climb stairs."

"He called me ugly." I state. "No."

"He's annoying. Has a horrible holier than thou attitude with a voice that sounds like nails being scraped across a chalkboard." Gaige nods. "Plus he called my boyfriend ugly."

"HE DID WHAT?!" Tina snarls. "I'LL KILL THAT LITTLE SHIT!"

We hear Brick's snores stifle slightly before returning to normal.

"We should probably move on if you want to finish all this before daybreak." I whisper. "So, who first?"

"Zed, then Hammylock, then Zero."

"Alright." I nod.

With a dull purple flash Tina and I appear in Zero's apartment.

"Hey, Davey, just put a tree this time, I wanna decorate it!" She whispers.

I roll my eyes and summon a mini tree with a box of ornaments beside it.

I look behind me just in time to see Zero peering around the corner with his classic laser katana.

Tina faces the corner and hums to herself as she sets up the tree, a question mark appears on Zero's face.

I put a finger on my lips and quietly approach as Zero looks between Tina and myself.

"Tomorrow is Mercenary Day, and Tina woke me up a couple of hours ago to go galivanting across Sanctuary with Gaige and Angel to prepare the town for mercenary day... please pretend you didn't see us; it'd make her day."

He stares at me for a long moment, then eventually gives a thumbs up and returns to his room.

I quickly return to Tina's side.

As I wait for her to add the finishing touches.

I digistruct a long rectangular box wrapped in as she finishes it and hand it to the blonde girl.

She props it up on the table with a nod as I create a second gift and slap it on the table.

"Two?" Tina asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Zero's been good this year, he deserves two." I reply easily.

"Fair." Tina shrugs as she stands up.

We teleport out of the building and meet up with Gaige and Angel, I can see the dark circles under Gaige's eyes, despite the cute Santa hat on her head, she does not look pleased.

"Are we done now?" Gaige asks slowly.

"Yep, we're done." Tina grins.

"Cool. I'm going back to bed." The ginger girl sighs.

"Wait." I suddenly state as I hold up a hand.

"Hm?" Gaige hums as she stops walking away and looks back.

Two gifts appear in my hands. "Happy Mercenary Day, Tina, Angel, now, I'm going to go join my girlfriend in passing out for several hours."

I walk over to Gaige and wrap an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close.

"Care if I join you?" Tina asks with a small smile, causing me to look back at her.

"Very much so. Bye."

*FLASH*

I take the Santa hat off my head and drape it on a nearby chair as I let out a long sigh.

Gaige tosses hers beside mine as I take off my shoes and slip under the blankets.

Gaige follows along after taking off her denim jacket and letting her hair down.

She wraps her arms around me and pulls me closer for warmth.

Her chin finds its place jabbing into the skin in between my shoulder and neck.

"So where's my mercenary day present?" Gaige mutters, voice muffled.

"I could always, take off my clothes and put a bow over my junk, but eh, I thought I'd let you sleep on it so you aren't sleep deprived when you decide what you want."

"mnnn thanks..." She mutters

She is quiet for a moment.

"For the second thing." She clarifies. "Please don't do the first thing."

"Don't worry, I understood what you meant." I quietly reply as I allow my eyes to drift shut.

I quietly yawn as Gaige and I enter Moxxi's bar, not much has changed despite it now being Mercenary Day, instead of Mercenary Day's eve.

The one change I do notice is the fact that instead of her normal top hat and regular clothing, Moxxi is wearing a green dress with red accents, she has a floppy green hat with a bell on the end, then one green and white striped stoking, plus one red and white, much like candy canes.

"Ah, hey sugar, happy mercenary day." The woman greets as Gaige and I take a seat at the bar.

"Hey Moxxi." I wave.

"So, what'll you take?" The woman in festive garb asks as she pulls out a pen and paper.

"I'll take the pizza." I shrug.

"I'll also have that." Gaige nods.

"Oh? That simple huh? Normally on mercenary day we have people asking for foods with a lot of complexities, like skag spinal roast, or bullymong liver."

Gaige looks a little green at the thought while I just frown.

"I know, I know, a little gross." Moxxi nods in agreement. "But most people just want something to remind them of home and family. I can't really blame them for it... we had almost forgotten about mercenary day due to all of the chaos recently. The war with Jack got pretty bad for a moment there."

She crouches down and pulls out an entire box of pizza and gives us a small smile. "Anyways, you can have this."

She winks. "On the house, Sugar, happy Mercenary Day."

"Oh wow, thanks Moxxi." Gaige smiles as she opens the box and takes a slice.

Moxxi continues. "Oh, and if you see your little blonde friend, can you tell her to come visit me? I've got something for her."

Gaige and I give her a long stare, eventually I speak up. "That sounded really suggestive, are you perhaps going to do anything... lewd... with said blonde?"

"Wh- NO!" The bar owner shrieks. *Ahem*

She takes a moment to regain her composure. "Er, no, Sugar, what would give you that sort of idea, I just wanted to... reward... her for her- damn it! The innuendos are a defense mechanism, ignore it."

"It's fine, frankly, as sad as it is, I'd probably be like, seventy five percent for that if it meant that the heat would be off myself and Gaige."

Gaige tilts her head, but shrugs and relents as she continues eating her pizza.

Moxxi stares. "That is... disturbing?"

"ohoho yeah it is. She doesn't stop. Nor does she take no for an answer, the most I can do is delay it further and further until she moves on." I agree.

Gaige nods along with me.

"Hm." The bar owner hums. "Hm."

"Hm." She hums a third time.

"Anyways." She continues. "if you see her, tell her to come find me, I'll be around-"

"DAVEEEY It's snowing!" Tina cheers as she enters the bar. "LET'S MAKE SNOW PSYCHOS!"

"Oh, good, Tina." State as I turn around on the bar stool and look to the girl who is back to her old dress, the only thing that she kept is the santa hat. "Moxxi had something she wanted to give you."

"Huh?" Tina questions as she looks past me towards the inuendo woman in question.

"Yeah." Moxxi nods as she fishes a small box with red wrapping paper on it out from below the counter, it has a green bow and white ribbon wrapped around it. "Some jolly fat guy in red said you should have this."

"Jolly-" the girl cuts off and tears open the packaging and tosses off the top of the gift box, she looks at a photo for a moment, her face turning red.

I lean over to see that it's a photo of me... completely nude in the shower.

Her head snaps over to me, and she sprints away as I try to snag the photo.

I turn to quickly chase after her but I pause, a much more important question on my mind.

"Moxxi." I seethe. "Do you have a camera in our fucking bathroom?"

"Wait what?!" The woman asks with wide eyes.

"MHHH?!" Gaige shrieks with a full mouth.

I sharply inhale, then exhale.

There are two possible solutions to this, either Moxxi is lying through her teeth here... or... in the world of borderlands... Santa is canonically real and VERY magical.

WELP! We're back for the Christmas Special! I hope you all enjoyed it, we'll be back to our regularly scheduled murder fest in the next chapter, (whenever it comes out). I just saw the mercenary day dlc, and I just HAD to do this. Originally, I was just going to post like, 2 chapters on Christmas day and call it a 'gift' buuuut I like this better.

You can think of this as a canon filler, originally this story was going to jump from David getting the traveler's powers and go right into phase 2, but two scenes does not a chapter make and all that.

Guest Reviews:

JusAFan123: Just, like in general? No. But he isn't immortal, he could realistically still be killed. Like, any torso shot? No. He'd be fine, the way you kill him is by obliterating his brain, and it's a little iffy about what you'd need to pierce his skull.

Distinctive Name: The problem with Framing Holloway, is that... he's rich. He can literally just toss money at any problems to make them go away.

Guest 001: I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'll see you all whenever.