He Xuan didn't come to that Soup Night. Nor to the one after that.

Shi Qingxuan felt a strange mixture of relieved, annoyed, and disappointed. Especially when the Bureau of Granaries did approve their proposal, thank you very much. Ok, so, technically it was only approved to be discussed by a panel as a possible scheme to be shortlisted for future implementation, but that was basically the same thing. Shi Qingxuan had to settle for crowing to Xie Lian, and he said some very nice things, but it lacked that satisfying element of I told you so.

Life in the temple continued much the same. People came and went, some for happy reasons, some sad. A girl came to escape from abusive parents, while Sha Lizhong left to go stay with his aunt. The weather got a little colder, and all the sick people got a little sicker, but this year they had enough blankets and food that they might all make it through the coming Winter.

Shi Qingxuan had plenty to do, with their poetry and their politics and the important business of staying alive. But they still watched the faces of everyone who came into the temple, for a familiar face, or that familiar look.

And they still let out a little scream when they came face to face with Ming Yi.

"Still think you prefer the truth?" said He Xuan, holding out his bowl. He was as beautiful a woman as ever, even dressed in the plain robes of a common mortal. Shi Qingxuan's heart was still racing, and they were overcome by melancholy longing for a person who had never really existed. The ladle trembled in their shaking hand and they couldn't think of what to say.

"Enjoy your meal," they said at last, steadying their hand enough to ladle out some soup, and waiting for He Xuan to move on.

But he didn't. He put the bowl down on the ground and reached into a basket Shi Qingxuan hadn't noticed he was carrying. And then he pulled out...was that a fish?

"Um," said Shi Qingxuan, "I was only joking about-"

"IS THAT BRONZE CROAKER?" Shi Qingxuan found themself pushed out of the way by a wide-eyed Ning Mo.

"Yes," said He Xuan. "I brought some fish to add to the soup."

Ning Mo clutched at his chest in outrage. "Blasphemy!" What was his problem? Shi Qingxuan vaguely recalled having eaten Bronze Croaker a few times when they were a god, it had tasted nice enough.

He Xuan glowered. "It's perfectly good-"

"A fine fish like that deserves to be treated with respect! Not thrown in with all the other garbage!" Ning Mo waved a finger at He Xuan. "Young lady, you better be able to convince me this isn't stolen. We don't want any trouble with the guard!"

"I caught it myself," said He Xuan.

"You caught...an ocean fish...this far inland..." Ning Mo looked at the fish, and then at He Xuan, and then back to the fish, his eyes full of longing. "Congratulations!" he said at last. "Well done! Thank you for the fish!" He snatched the basket out of He Xuan's hands and walked away quickly as if worried He Xuan would snatch it back.

"Remember that fish was brought for everyone!" shouted Shi Qingxuan.

"And everyone will have some!" shouted Ning Mo, who was already crushing garlic on his tiny little chopping board. "Just give me a chance to cook it properly, for pity's sake!"

"Ok, ok, have fun," laughed Shi Qingxuan. He'd never seen Ning Mo this happy, not even when Xie Lian let him take home the leftovers from the temple opening.

"I'll let you get back to work," said He Xuan.

"...right," said Shi Qingxuan. Hopefully by the time they were done serving all the soup they'd be able to look at his face without wanting to burst into tears.

They found He Xuan sitting with Sha Lizhong of all people.

"Sha Lizhong! You're back!" said Shi Qingxuan, since at least he knew how to talk to one of them. "It's good to see you, but is everything ok with your aunt?"

"I'm fine," said Sha Lizhong.

"Then why are you-"

He smiled blandly. "You said you didn't want any more lies."

"What," said Shi Qingxuan. They'd said that to He Xuan, how did Sha Lizhong know...

Sha Lizhong looked up at them, and so did He Xuan, and then the two of them sipped their soup in perfect unison.

"AAHHHHHHH."

He Xuan winced. "Why are you always screaming?"

"BECAUSE YOU DO THINGS LIKE THAT," said Shi Qingxuan. "WHAT THE HELL? WAS HE ALWAYS YOU?"

"What's wrong, Ol' Feng?" asked Ol' Bao. He wandered towards them, looking around worriedly. "Is it bugs?"

"No," said Shi Qingxuan, "It's...it's nothing. Sha Lizhong played a prank on me, that's all."

"Ah, you kids, always playing pranks on each other," said Ol' Bao, even though Shi Qingxuan had explained multiple times that they were more than a century his senior. "Don't be too mean to Ol' Feng, Sha Lizhong. Some of his friends are gods, they might smite you!"

"Haha, I'll be careful," said Sha Lizhong (who was actually He Xuan?), with a gentle smile.

He Xuan was capable of a gentle smile?! Maybe he'd built it into this clone especially as an extra feature.

"And who's your pretty friend?" Ol' Bao smiled at He Xuan, who did not smile back, much to Shi Qingxuan's relief. They weren't sure they could handle two smiling He Xuans at once.

"We just happened to sit together," said Sha Lizhong, lying (He was the 'pretty friend'!) "But I think she knows Ol' Feng."

"I do," said He Xuan. "And I'd rather we speak alone."

"Alone?" said Ol' Bao. "Hehe. Got an older girlfriend, huh, Ol' Feng? Good for you!"

"Ahaha..." said Shi Qingxuan. Where to even begin.

Thankfully, Ol' Bao didn't press any further. "Come on, Sha Lizhong," he said, shuffling away, "Let's give these lovebirds some privacy. I think Ning Mo wants help with the cooking. You any good at gutting fish?"

"Yes," said Sha Lizhong. He bowed politely to Shi Qingxuan and...himself. "Goodbye, Shi Qingxuan, ma'am."

"Good...bye..." said Shi Qingxuan. Then they glared He Xuan and walked pointedly outside into the courtyard, gesturing for him to follow.

When they were sure they were out of earshot of everyone else, Shi Qingxuan hissed at him, "Damn you. I liked Sha Lizhong."

He Xuan gave a very small smile, more smug than gentle. "Should I take that as a compliment?"

"To your acting, maybe," said Shi Qingxuan. "He's so unlike you, so..."

"Servile?"

"I was going to say 'nice'." They glared at He Xuan and took a sip of their soup, which had started to go cold. It was a thick porridge tonight, white dotted with green, and sat heavily in Shi Qingxuan's stomach. It occurred to them that the courtyard was empty because it was freezing. They sat down on the edge of the fountain and shivered, feeling very sorry for themself.

"I had hundreds of clones in the heavens," said He Xuan. "Many of them junior gods or attendants. Of course I know how to make myself unnoticed and agreeable."

"I know that, I just...is he the only one?"

"Yes."

That was a relief. Even if there was no way to tell if He Xuan was telling the truth, since apparently Shi Qingxuan wasn't as good at recognising him as they'd thought they were. "If you can act like that...why did you act like...like you so many times? Did you want me to realise it was you, watching me in the temple?"

He didn't answer, which Shi Qingxuan took as a yes. Ugh! Shi Qingxuan had found He Xuan's tendency towards sullen evasion a lot more endearing when it was about what he wanted for lunch and not his reasons for stalking Shi Qingxuan.

"He Xuan..." Shi Qingxuan looked up at him, trying to read his face in the dark. "This really isn't part of some further revenge plot, is it? My life could be worse but I'd much rather it wasn't."

"I said it's not."

Shi Qingxuan sighed. "Sorry. I just...felt the need to double check. Though...I suppose you'd hardly admit if it was a revenge plot, haha."

"I can't make you trust me," said He Xuan. "I don't know why you'd even want to." He frowned, and clenched his fist. "But I'm telling the truth."

Shi Qingxuan had spent over a hundred years learning to read Ming Yi's moods. He Xuan wore something like Ming Yi's face, and had Ming Yi's voice, but he was not the same man. Still, if those instincts were any guide...He Xuan was sad, and a little scared. It was strange to think of him being scared of Shi Qingxuan, instead of the other way around. What did he want from them, if it wasn't revenge?

"I do want to trust you," said Shi Qingxuan. "But it's difficult."

"Don't strain yourself."

The two of them drank their soup in silence for a while. Shi Qingxuan started to shiver more intensely, and then He Xuan sat next to them, and silently cast a spell. Shi Qingxuan felt warmth slowly radiate through their bones from the solid earth beneath their feet.

"He Xuan," said Shi Qingxuan, softly. "Why did you pick that face?"

"It's my face," said He Xuan. "Would you have preferred the one I was born with?"

"N-no," said Shi Qingxuan. "Sorry, I..."

"Exactly. I thought this one would be different enough not to get screamed at."

"Haha, guess that didn't work out for either of us," said Shi Qingxuan. Was this another excuse? Thinking about all the possible hidden motives hurt Shi Qingxuan's head, and their heart. They took a sip of porridge, thinking. And then they stamped their good foot against the ground with a decisive thump. "Very well! I've decided to trust you! I don't have the energy to be suspicious all the time...and it's not like I could do much to stop you if you did decide to hurt me."

"True."

"So," said Shi Qingxuan, feeling much better about everything, "Since I'm taking you at your word- thank you for trying to avoid upsetting me. Sorry I still screamed, haha. It's...a little strange, seeing...that face. But it's comforting, too." Especially knowing that He Xuan thought of Ming Yi as himself in some way, even Ming Yi as a woman.

He Xuan looked down into his porridge to avoid making eye contact. That was comfortingly familiar too.

"It's so strange knowing that Sha Lizhong was you all this time, though," they said. Shi Qingxuan thought back on Sha Lizhong's behaviour in this new light, all the times he'd helped around the temple, all the little ways he'd been kind. That couldn't all have been to maintain cover. "He Xuan...you really are a softy underneath, aren't you? I was worried Ming Yi's subtle kindness was all an act...but that's just you."

"You think I'm kind?" He Xuan laughed. "I would hate to see what sort of behaviour you'd consider cruel."

"You're not always kind. I know...know that better than most. But...why did you make Sha Lizhong, if not to look after me? And having made him, why did you look after everyone else, as well? Wouldn't it have been more sensible to keep a low profile, hmm?"

"As you may recall," said He Xuan, "I have chosen not to let you die. Since you're so incompetent at being a mortal, I was forced to create a babysitter."

Shi Qingxuan was briefly overcome by the memory of begging He Xuan for death. Of him saying no. It certainly hadn't seemed like a kindness at the time. But maybe...ah! Too painful! It was so hard to reconcile that man with the person in front of them, with their friend. But they were the same person, somehow.

"No bringing up...painful things just to change the subject," said Shi Qingxuan. "Just say you worry about me!"

He Xuan stared at them for a moment, and then shook his head. "Nothing stops you does it? You question my motives for the length of a breath, but then you decide I must be motivated by wanting to protect you?"

"Aren't you?"

"That's...that's not the point!" said He Xuan. "I ruined your life! I tortured you, I killed your brother...you're terrified of me! But you're still...don't you hate me? Why are you acting like we're friends?"

"I know we're not friends any more," said Shi Qingxuan. "I'm not sure...not sure I even like you any more. Certainly not the way I did before." They looked over at He Xuan, but he had turned away, eyes hidden beneath the smooth dark loops of his hair. "I've decided to trust you. That's all. I'm still angry, and, yes, afraid. But you had reasons for what you did. And I don't think I hate you."

They thought about asking He Xuan how he felt about them, too, but they weren't sure they wanted to hear the answer. And it wasn't like He Xuan would answer honestly, anyway. In that respect he was entirely like Ming Yi.

"He Xuan...We were friends for over a hundred years. Best friends. Even despite everything...I guess some old habits die hard." They smiled. "Like you looking after me but pretending you don't care. When you do things like that, I don't hate you even a little."

"You're still afraid of me," said He Xuan, voice low and hoarse. "I can feel it."

Because he contained the Reverend of Empty Words, because he'd consumed it. What did that feel like? How did it affect him? How did Shi Qingxuan look to him? Like a tasty treat?

"Of course I'm scared," they muttered, "Who wouldn't be, when you say creepy things like that!"

"I'm a ghost," said He Xuan. "Creepiness comes with the territory." He sighed. "Hatred, too. I used to think the difference between us was that you'd never suffered. But look at you. You've changed, but you're still...if our fates hadn't been switched, there's no way you'd have become a resentful ghost, no matter how justified it would have been. You'd have just died, and moved on."

He was probably right. It was in Shi Qingxuan's nature to accept their limitations, and make the best of the situation they were in. It was people like He Xuan and their brother who became ghosts or gods, driven by a need for something better, for more.

"I'm not sure if that's a compliment," said Shi Qingxuan.

"It wasn't intended as one."

What kind of man had He Sheng been, before it all went wrong? Intelligent, of course, and determined. But loyal, too, to have spent two hundred years avenging the deaths of the ones he loved. And here was Shi Qingxuan, sitting with their brother's murderer, sharing soup. Feeling...if not affection, then certainly not the simple hatred that He Xuan had felt towards Shi Wudu.

In some ways, He Xuan was more like their brother than they were. If someone had hurt Shi Qingxuan, their brother would have hunted that person to the ends of the Earth, no matter how close a friend, no matter how good their reasons. For Shi Wudu, family was everything.

But Shi Qingxuan wasn't He Xuan, or Shi Wudu. And hating He Xuan wouldn't bring their brother back.

"I meant what I said, about being willing to switch our lives," said Shi Qingxuan. "But I don't enjoy imagining what that life would have been like. I only had to deal with the R-Reverend of Empty Words for a few years, centuries ago, but I'm still...still so scared of it. It's one reason I'm still a little scared of you."

"Of course you were scared," said He Xuan. "It literally lived off fear. I still remember how scared I was." He smiled, and his sharp teeth gleamed in the moonlight. "It got a lot less scary once I ate it."

Shi Qingxuan laughed. "So you're saying I should eat you?"

"I'd taste bitter," said He Xuan. He swallowed the last of his porridge. "Did you know it was Jun Wu who made it?"

"Made what- the Reverend? He made it?" Shi Qingxuan had always thought of it as a primordial evil that had always existed, not the sort of thing you could just make.

"He made all of them. While he was acting the kind, calm Emperor of Heaven he would vent all his repressed anger and hatred into Mount Tonglu. And every time he did monsters came out." He looked down into the empty bowl in his hands. "Or it opened, and even worse monsters went in." His voice was hard, and bitter. "I was just another tool to Jun Wu. A way to destroy your brother when he got too inconvenient. I thought it was all my own choice, but my destiny was never mine to command."

"He Xuan...you're not the same as that thing. And Jun Wu...ugh! I can't believe we all loved him so much! He always acted like this caring, protective father, but he saw everyone as a tool. He used all of us!" Just thinking about it made them so angry! "But you know what, screw him. We stopped him! You, and me, and everyone else. No-one gets to tell us our destiny now."

"I never liked him," said He Xuan. Which really wasn't the point, but Shi Qingxuan would take smug over bitter.

"You never liked any of the gods," said Shi Qingxuan.

"With good reason. Has a single one of them come to help you, to repay all of your generosity for so many years?" He snorted. "Other than your friend the Scrap Immortal, of course."

It was true. Ming Yi had always despised the other gods, especially the ones who claimed to be Shi Qingxuan's friends. Even at the time, Shi Qingxuan had known these 'friends' mostly liked them for the merits they could provide, it was why they preferred the cold but sincere Ming Yi. Well, seemingly sincere. But Shi Qingxuan had liked to think there was some real friendship there with the others, too, under the self interest. And maybe there had been. Just not enough to motivate anyone to visit.

"I prayed to Rain Master when a heatwave was making everyone sick, and it rained."

He Xuan rolled his eyes.

"And...Pei Ming came once. He very generously offered to make me his attendant."

"Ha. I bet he loved you saying no." Despising Pei Ming was one thing they'd always agreed on.

"But yes, fine, other than His Highness, or people sent by him, the only one from the heavens who visits me is you."

"Lucky you."

It was ironic, wasn't it? The only old friend to stay by them from the heavens was the man who'd dragged them out.

"I do feel..." Shi Qingxuan paused, to try and organise their thoughts. "Not lucky. But I'm glad I've had the chance to see you again. There was this mess in my head, not knowing how I felt about you, and how I should feel. It's still a mess, now but not quite as much."

He Xuan frowned, and muttered under their breath, "Lucky you."

"Your head's a mess too, huh?"

He didn't answer.

"He Xuan...we're not friends any more. But...if you want to talk, I'll listen. I owe you that much."

"You don't owe me anything."

Shi Qingxuan wasn't so sure about that. They might not have chosen for He Xuan to suffer in their stead, but it still happened. And as the only remaining member of the Shi family, they bore a responsibility for their brother's sins.

But beyond that...they just didn't like seeing He Xuan suffer. They leaned closer, and bumped their shoulder against He Xuan. He didn't pull away. "Well then...I want to listen."

He Xuan sighed, so softly that Shi Qingxuan could barely hear it. He said, "You'll stop talking long enough for that?"

"Hey! Of course I will..." They flipped their hair dramatically. "This is me! Saying nothing! Until you tell me what's wrong!"

Shi Qingxuan sat up straight, pointedly silent. When He Xuan stayed stubbornly silent for long enough that they could feel the urge to talk overcoming them, they kept their mouth busy by finishing their porridge. And then they sat very still! And didn't make a sound! Normally at this point they'd go back and see if they could get an extra bowl, but they were busy listening.

They heard nothing but the sounds of the people inside, and the burbling of the fountain.

And then they heard He Xuan sigh again. "I shouldn't still exist."

"You're a Supreme," said Shi Qingxuan. "Doesn't that usually mean..."

"I'm a ghost," he said, sharply. "A ghost is a spirit holding onto unfinished business. A Supreme just holds on especially tight. But I'm done. I had my revenge. The man who ruined my life is dead. The injustice that was done to me has been revealed to the world. The...the one who...it's all finished with." He looked up at the stars. "So why am I still here?"

He sounded miserable.

"He Xuan...You want to die?" The thought made Shi Qingxuan feel twisted up inside.

"I'm already dead."

"Um. Right. And I know ghosts are supposed to let go. But, uh, in the mean time...can't you just...find something else to do?"

The look He Xuan gave them was so dark Shi Qingxuan flinched.

"Ahaha...sorry...that sounds bad. But I mean...I used to be a god. And it was my destiny to be a rich merchant, or something like that. But here I am...neither of those things. So I just...found something to do where I am. And you're a Supreme Ghost King! You can do way more than I can. You're really clever and hard working, and now you're not busy...plotting revenge and pretending to be a hundred different people and all that. I bet you could do something amazing."

"I don't need life advice from you."

"Hey, I'm just trying to help. But fine, just sit around feeling miserable, waiting to disappear."

"As opposed to seeking my own destruction with optimism and good cheer?"

"...um...yes! Why not?" Shi Qingxuan would rather he didn't seek his own destruction at all. Too many people in their life were gone already. But that was what ghosts were supposed to do, and they didn't want to selfishly interfere with him finding peace. "Maybe if you do a bunch of things you'll happen upon whatever it is you need to do to let go. And if you don't, at least you've kept yourself busy." Shi Qingxuan was a very big fan of keeping busy.

"I'm not going to stumble into finding peace," said He Xuan. "Something's keeping me here, and I'm trapped in this miserable world until I figure out what." He groaned. "I don't know why I thought talking to you would help. I'm surprised you didn't just suggest I get drunk."

"Drinking is a lot of fun," said Shi Qingxuan, "But in my experience it's more likely to cause problems than solve them." Shi Qingxuan had learned that the hard way, during their first few months as a mortal. These days they generally avoided alcohol altogether, to be on the safe side. It wasn't like they could afford anything nice these days, anyway.

They considered He Xuan seriously. "Something's keeping you here...is it your original destiny? Maybe you need to become a god!"

"Little too late for that."

"Stranger things have happened. Apparently Crimson Rain Sought Flower ascended after becoming a ghost!"

"For less than the time it takes to burn an incense stick. And even if they'd let me back, which they wouldn't, I have no interest in being a god any more."

"Why not? You were really good at it. You made your believers really happy, they loved you!" Shi Qingxuan smiled, sadly. "They even loved you enough...not to destroy your temples, when you were gone." Shi Qingxuan had visited an Earth Master temple, once, after becoming a mortal. It had been cheerfully bustling, as if nothing had changed. The statue of Ming Yi hadn't even been replaced, just altered to look like the new Earth Master, Su Heng. Shi Qingxuan had met Su Heng a few times in the heavens, and remembered him being very hard working, very bald, and very fat. The statue didn't look much like him, but it had never looked much like Ming Yi, either.

"My believers love having their prayers answered," said He Xuan. "I doubt most of them even noticed the change."

"I'm sure that's not true!"

"Why would I want them to remember me? Being a god was a means to an an end."

"Yes, but-"

"Are you glad yours remembered you?" He gestured to the remains of the temple, to the scars left by Shi Qingxuan's believers when their gods stopped answering their prayers.

"Haha," said Shi Qingxuan. "Good point." They watched the fountain, once a celebration of the Mighty Wind and Water Masters, now just a broken pipe in a ragged circle of muddy stone. "But I know you like helping people. Becoming a god might have been part of your plan, but you didn't have to be a good god. I know Su Heng did a lot of the work for you, but..."

"You think what was driving me for all these centuries was benevolence?"

"Not the only thing. I know that. I remember..." They thought of the dungeon, of being chained, and pawed at by... "But maybe that just means you need to make amends."

He Xuan turned to them, eyes wide, but before he could say anything Shi Qingxuan added, quickly, "Not to me! To the innocent people you hurt! Like-like the original Ming Yi!"

"He's dead."

"...yes, but...but what about all those unlucky people you kept in a prison, just for being unlucky! They didn't deserve that. And it was a pretty gross prison..."

"I imagine they're all dead too, by now," said He Xuan. "My prison was a step up from the lives their fortunes had doomed them to."

"And that makes it justified?"

"No," said He Xuan. "But I'm not the one arguing that I'm good and like helping people."

"Fine!" said Shi Qingxuan, throwing their hand in the air. "Maybe I don't know anything! But maybe you should try helping people anyway! Think of what you could do, if you really used your power!"

"So all the work of a god, with none of the benefits."

Ugh! He was just being difficult now. "Do you have anything better to do?"

He Xuan just stared back up into the sky. Shi Qingxuan looked up too, but only saw the stars and some ragged clouds. The sky had seemed much more magical in their youth, before they'd actually lived in it.

"Maybe I'm here for you to hurt me," said He Xuan. "For you to get your own revenge, and finish the cycle."

"I don't want to get revenge on you."

"You don't make any sense."

"I'm not saying I've forgiven you," said Shi Qingxuan. "But...what good would it do? It wouldn't make my life any easier. It-it would't bring my brother back."

"Good." His voice was harsh, cruel. The voice of He Xuan as he had been on the day he killed Shi Wudu, higher now but still unmistakeable.

"Would you rather I wanted to ruin your life, too?" said Shi Qingxuan. "What could I even do, that you haven't already experienced?"

"Things can always get worse."

"Ha," said Shi Qingxuan. "I suppose I can't argue with that."

At that moment Ning Mo decided to come out and join them. He was holding a large plate of fish, and bowed very low in front of He Xuan.

"Oh most Holy and Exalted Lady," he said, in a stiff and formal tone. "Forgive this worthless and scarred little man for his earlier impoliteness, and please accept this offering. It was only as I was cooking this delectable array of seafood that I realised you must be a visitor from the heavens, come to bless-"

"I'm not a god," said He Xuan.

"Ah?" said Ning Mo. "My apologies, Lady-"

He Xuan smiled. "I'm a ghost."

"Ahhhhh?" Ning Mo nearly dropped the plate, but managed to catch himself just in time. "Then this fish..."

"Is fish." He Xuan took the plate and carefully picked off a few pieces to put into his bowl, before offering it to Shi Qingxuan. The plate was overflowing with a variety of types of fish. How much had He Xuan brought?

"W-well, Lady Ghost," said Ning Mo, regaining his composure. "You are as generous as you are beautiful. I hope you enjoy the way this unworthy servant has prepared the food you so kindly gave us. I have left the bronze croaker maw to soak, and once it is properly dried, you are of course welcome to-"

"You can keep the maw," said He Xuan. "But only if you leave right now."

Ning Mo's eyes lit up. "I can keep the-"

Shi Qingxuan had grown up in a house of merchants, and recognised the look of someone who thought they were getting a criminally good deal.

"The temple can keep the maw," said Shi Qingxuan. "With profits to be split evenly. Right, He Xuan?"

"Fine," said He Xuan, with a careless shrug.

Ning Mo frowned at Shi Qingxuan, and opened his mouth as if he wanted to argue.

"Right now," repeated He Xuan, darkly.

Ning Mo closed his mouth, bowed once more, said "Goodbye Lady He, thank you so much!" in one breath, and then fled.

"So, Lady Ghost," laughed Shi Qingxuan, taking some more fish. "Just how much is a bronze croaker maw worth?"

They hadn't entirely settled their interrupted argument. But Shi Qingxuan didn't feel like arguing any more.

"How would I know?" said He Xuan. "I'm not a fishmonger."

"Maybe you should become one," they said. "From the look in Ning Mo's eyes it was a lot. You could pay off your debt to Crimson Rain Sought Flower!"

"Doubtful."

Just how much did he owe? "Well, then you've probably paid off a bunch of our debts. And see, here you are helping people again!" They laughed. "Ning Mo is probably already setting up an altar to the Lady Ghost."

"Ugh," said He Xuan.

"He seemed quite taken with you," said Shi Qingxuan. "It's strange having you be the woman and me be the man. Do you need me to defend your honour from unchivalrous men?"

"You should more defend them from me."

"Haha, true."

He Xuan picked at the fish in his bowl. "I'm surprised you haven't had your friend the Scrap Immortal turn you into a woman permanently," he said. "You always seemed to prefer that form."

"He offered, actually," said Shi Qingxuan. It had been very sweet, especially since Xie Lian himself clearly didn't understand the appeal of changing gender at all. "But this life is dangerous enough without being a woman on top of everything else. Anyway, I don't want to be a woman, not permanently. I want to be able to be a woman, sometimes. But I want to be a man sometimes, too." They could theoretically still cast temporary transformation spells with borrowed power, but it would be a bad idea. Mortals were even more narrow-minded on the subject of gender than the gods. "Would you believe it's the main thing I miss about being a god?"

"From you? Yes."

He Xuan had never seemed to really understand the appeal of changing gender either. He was most certainly a man, and had always been very clear about preferring to look like one. Yet here he was, in the form of a woman, just because he'd thought it would make Shi Qingxuan more comfortable.

Shi Qingxuan took another bite of fish. It certainly wasn't the nicest fish they'd ever eaten, having been cooked quickly with limited ingredients. But knowing it was a gift from He Xuan made it...what? Precious?

Why was Shi Qingxuan so happy every time He Xuan did something nice for them? Because it made them feel safer? Because it proved their old friendship hadn't been a lie? Or was it because a part of Shi Qingxuan wanted to be friends again, despite everything?

"Thank you for coming," they said, heart heavy with feeling. "And thank you for the fish. Will you come again? You don't need to bring anything next time."

"Who knows," said He Xuan.

Shi Qingxuan smiled. "I'll see you then."