One of the most endearing traits of the man Shi Qingxuan had known as Ming Yi had been the way he'd acted like he didn't care about Shi Qingxuan's opinions or feelings, yet would always do what Shi Qingxuan asked of him, no matter how ridiculous, if he thought it would make them happy.
After that terrible day they found out the truth, beyond the pain, and grief, and fear, Shi Qingxuan had been forced to contend with the awful thought that maybe all of Ming Yi's kindness had been an act. The Ming Yi they'd known had never really existed. Maybe their friendship hadn't been real either.
He Xuan was not the same man as Ming Yi. His dark moods were deeper, his moments of anger much more intense. He had a cruel, bloodthirsty streak that was genuinely terrifying, not least because Shi Qingxuan had experienced its force directly.
Like Ming Yi, he was restrained, and hard to read. But he was less muted, somehow. His dark moods were darker, but his brief flashes of humour and happiness were brighter, too. And when Shi Qingxuan asked him for something, he would usually do it.
Was it guilt, or some other sense of obligation? Was it lingering affection? Was it just basic human decency, towards someone he knew needed help? Shi Qingxuan wasn't sure. With Ming Yi they'd just assumed it was a sign of affection. But when someone has spent two hundred years secretly plotting to destroy your life, it gets hard not to question their motives.
Shi Qingxuan wasn't friends with He Xuan, not the way they had been with Ming Yi. They still felt scared of him sometimes, and couldn't forget everything that had happened. But they found themself enjoying his company more and more, fear slowly giving way to tentative trust, and comfort. Whatever his motives, He Xuan was kind and friendly, in his way, and being around him made Shi Qingxuan happy. So for now Shi Qingxuan was satisfied to just enjoy it, and not overthink things.
"Get up." The voice in their head was familiar, and they smiled.
"I'm comfortable," said Shi Qingxuan, stretching out luxuriously on the new bamboo mat provided by "an anonymous donor". A few years ago they would have pitied any poor soul forced to sleep in such a frugal state, but right now it felt like the most comfortable bed they'd ever slept in. And Yu Yanli was right: spending money this way caused a lot less arguments and resentment. It wasn't a perfect solution: many people here had problems that could only be solved with cash, and lots of it. But it was a start.
"You want me to come in and get mobbed for money? Get up and come outside."
That was a fair point. And Shi Qingxuan was grateful for the mats. They sat up. "Are we going on an adventure?"
"No."
Shi Qingxuan laughed. That sounded like a yes.
He Xuan wasn't hard to spot, towering over the passers by and glowering at any man who stopped to stare at such a tall and beautiful woman.
"I knew you liked this form!" said Shi Qingxuan. "You look great!"
"You're the one who prefers it," said He Xuan. "I just want to avoid annoying gossip."
They stared up at him with wide, doe-like eyes. "But won't everyone think you're a dirty old woman, taking advantage of this innocent little boy?"
"You would rather we look like the old men we are?" said He Xuan. He held out his hand. "Here, I'll give you some spiritual energy so you can transform."
"No!" said Shi Qingxuan backing away. "Gross! I am not an old man! I am a six...seventeen year old youth, in the prime of my fleeting mortal beauty!" The fact that they had aged a whole year as a mortal was a tragedy they still hadn't entirely come to terms with. They didn't have any wrinkles or grey hairs yet but it was only a matter of time. But looking seventeen was still better than looking old.
"Fine," said He Xuan. "Don't transform."
Shi Qingxuan covered their beautiful face protectively with their hands. "I won't!"
"I'll just throw away these women's clothes, then," said He Xuan.
Shi Qingxuan lowered their hands slowly. "...what?"
A smile briefly flickered across He Xuan's impassive face.
The room he led Shi Qingxuan to was tiny, and smelled faintly of the sea. Did he own this room? Did he own the building? Shi Qingxuan was a little fuzzy on He Xuan's holdings in the land of the living, he always acted simultaneously like a powerful lord and like a pauper on the verge of bankruptcy. He definitely wasn't as poor as Shi Qingxuan, or as rich as Hua Cheng, but that middle ground was pretty broad.
Shi Qingxuan laughed as they felt their body rearrange itself into the familiar shape they'd been missing for so long. They generally tried not to think about it, but being a man all the time had really started to drag. Being a woman all the time would drag just as much, but right now they could think of nothing better than soft curves and narrower shoulders and feeling properly pretty.
"Right!" they said, from behind the screen. "I'm a woman! Give me my clothes!" It was kind of funny, He Xuan insisting on a screen. They'd seen each other naked plenty of times. But in the grand scheme of confusing things He Xuan had done it was pretty benign, so they'd let it slide.
"Don't expect me to buy you fancy clothing like your friend the Scrap Immortal," said He Xuan. He handed Shi Qingxuan a neatly folded pile of fabric. Shi Qingxuan started to unfold the robes but was soon drowning in black.
"These are your robes. They won't fit me!"
"You expect me to own a variety of women's clothing?"
"I suppose not," said Shi Qingxuan, feeling very sorry for themself. Looking like a woman was nice and all, but they wanted to look like a beautiful woman, not like a little girl borrowing her mother's dress. And black really wasn't their colour.
But He Xuan turned out to have adjusted the robes to fit. Just a simple size adjustment, from the looks of things, the sort of thing every cultivator learned as a growing teen. But Shi Qingxuan wouldn't have felt comfortable altering borrowed robes themself, and with the reduced length they fit surprisingly well.
"Look, I'm you, haha!" they said, stepping out again and spinning around in a happy circle. It felt so good to be a woman again!
"I remember being taller."
"And I remember being curvier," said Shi Qingxuan, with a sigh, looking down at their sadly reduced bosom. "I still look like a woman, right?"
"What else would you be?" said He Xuan. "Come on."
"Come on where? Are we getting food? I clearly need to eat more."
"No. Hurry up."
Shi Qingxuan stared at the women's clothing store and let out a happy little squeal, enjoying how high their voice was able to go in this body. "You're taking me shopping?"
"Assuming you can keep your extravagance in check," said He Xuan. "I'm not...I don't have infinite resources." I'm not your brother.
It wasn't a store that encouraged extravagance. All the clothes were second hand, and seemed aimed at women at the lower end of the merchant class. For a moment Shi Qingxuan wondered if this was a dig at their family, but then they remembered that He Xuan had been of even more humble birth. He probably just knew that it would cause Shi Qingxuan trouble to be seen owning anything too expensive. That or he simply couldn't afford anything fancier. Anyway, it was the first time in over a year that Shi Qingxuan had been able to shop just for fun, and the humble little store felt like a treasure trove.
Shi Qingxuan regretfully rejected anything in their old trademark colour, white, which stained far too easily to be practical these days. They also rejected anything too conservative or sensible. They weren't sure when they'd have a chance to do this again, so it should be as fun as possible.
He Xuan watched with a bored expression from the doorway. He could totally have gotten away with looking like a man today, he was certainly acting like a bored husband or brother. But it was sweet that he'd chosen to keep Shi Qingxuan company.
They eventually settled on robes in a rich gold, printed with pretty abstract swirls in orange and red. It made them feel like they were wearing a warm summer breeze.
After that they dragged He Xuan to various reasonably priced makeup and jewellery stores, and then to finally get some food. They tried not to think about how much this was all costing, and how the money could be better spent.
"Ah...I'm so pretty," they said, happily admiring their reflection in a canal. "Thank you, He Xuan. This has been the most wonderful day I've had in a very long time."
"That's not saying much," said He Xuan.
"True!" said Shi Qingxuan. "I guess you'll just have to take me out like this more often. You don't even need to buy me new clothes, just keep me company and give me a little spiritual power."
"You think I was offering to buy you new clothes every time?" said He Xuan.
Shi Qingxuan laughed. "So you're saying there definitely will be a next-"
"Shh," interrupted He Xuan, in a harsh whisper. "We've been spotted."
Shi Qingxuan instinctively stepped closer, thinking Ming-Xiong will protect me. He Xuan gave them an odd look.
Because he was He Xuan, not Ming-Xiong. A century of instinctive trust warred with the memory of the last time He Xuan had "protected" Shi Qingxuan from an unseen assailant in a crowd.
Shi Qingxuan stepped back. "Where?"
He Xuan tilted his head, and Shi Qingxuan turned surreptitiously. Who was it- yamen runners? Brigands? An angry ghost?
Shi Qingxuan was so focused on looking for threats it took them a moment to recognise the person He Xuan was referring to. They laughed. "It's just Yu Yanli. Don't scare me like that!"
"You want her to see you like this?"
"I..." It was a good question. Yu Yanli was a good natured, open-minded sort of woman, but mortals tended to be pretty rigid about sticking to the body you were born with.
The decision was taken out of their hands when Yu Yanli suddenly stopped and stared and then started walking over, tilting her head as if trying to decide if the woman in front of her really was the beggar Ol' Feng.
"Pretend to be someone else," said He Xuan in a low tone.
Shi Qingxuan snorted. "That's your solution to everything. It's fine." They waved. "Hi, Yu Yanli!"
"It is you!" she said. "Wow, you look amazing!"
"Haha, thanks," said Shi Qingxuan. That was a better reaction than they'd been hoping for.
"Did you do that makeup yourself? It's so good! If I didn't know better, I'd think those were real..." She stepped closer, looking them up and down. "Wait...That's not makeup. Your face is different! And your body, too! How did you do that?!"
"Magic," said Shi Qingxuan, with a dramatic wink.
"Whoa," said Yu Yanli. "Magic can do that? Can you make my body change too?"
"You want to look like a man?" said Shi Qingxuan, in surprise. He'd lived in close quarters with Yu Yanli long enough to know she didn't need any help to look like a woman, and she'd always seemed happy enough about being one.
"Oh, no!" laughed Yu Yanli. "I just want to look different. You know, perkier, less wrinkly, that sort of thing. Fix this." She waved the stump where her hand used to be.
"Aw, Yu Yanli," said Shi Qingxuan, "You're already beautiful!" Not the same kind of beautiful as Shi Qingxuan, to be sure, but there was more than one sort of beauty. When Shi Qingxuan did eventually start looking old they would be happy as long as they carry it off as prettily as Yu Yanli. Well, relatively happy, at any rate.
"That's very sweet, kid," she said. "But this is about business, not my self esteem. 'Mature beauty' has a limited market. And you really don't want to know about the market for ladies missing a hand."
"Ah," said Shi Qingxuan. "Well, I'd love to help you out, but I don't actually know any spells to look younger, or heal anything as major as a missing hand. And shape-changing is the sort of thing you have to cast on yourself." Shi Qingxuan had never actually seen anyone lose internal organs from a shape-changing spell gone wrong, but they'd heard enough stories not to want to risk it.
"Oh," said Yu Yanli, face falling. "So I'd have to be a god?"
Hey, she remembered I'm a god, they thought, cheerfully.
"No, no, just a cultivator," they said. "Really you'd just need a little cultivation training and the right spells. I'm not a real cultivator myself, haha, I only managed this because He Xuan here gave me some spiritual energy."
"Ah yes, you haven't introduced me to your friend!" Yu Yanli turned to He Xuan with an expression of charming humility. "Should I assume I am in the presence of the famous Lady Ghost He Xuan?"
He Xuan just sighed.
"This humble woman is named Yu Yanli," she said, bowing. "It is a great honour to meet you. You're truly as beautiful as they say!"
"I'm not giving you any spiritual energy," said He Xuan.
"Of course," said Yu Yanli, head still bowed. "What would be the point when I haven't had any training yet?"
"...yet?" said Shi Qingxuan.
Yu Yanli raised her head and smiled at them hopefully.
"Um," said Shi Qingxuan.
Yu Yanli kept smiling.
"I suppose could teach you the basics?" they said, cautiously. "But, um...the thing with cultivation is that not everyone can learn it. A real cultivator could tell you if you have that potential, and how best to unlock it. All I can do is tell you how it's supposed to work."
"A 'real cultivator' wouldn't be willing to teach me," said Yu Yanli.
"...probably not," said Shi Qingxuan. "Well, I don't make any guarantees, but I suppose I can give it a try. And I'll ask around for shape-changing spells." They weren't sure if any of the mostly male and uptight cultivators they knew would have any useful methods for attaining perkier breasts, but the process of investigating was going to he hilarious.
"Thanks, Ol' Feng!" said Yu Yanli. "I'll see you back at the temple. You two girls have fun!"
When she was gone, He Xuan asked "Are you sure that was wise?"
"You think I got her hopes up for nothing?"
"Cultivation is supposed to be taught from a young age, by an experienced teacher."
"She's not trying to ascend, she just wants to know a few spells," said Shi Qingxuan. "She probably won't get very far, but why not let her try? Honestly I think the whole cultivation system is stupid. Why don't we teach this stuff to everyone who wants to know? It's not as if teachers always choose the best and brightest. I got accepted, and I have no potential at all!"
"You think every idiot on the street should have that level of power?"
"Better than only the sons of the rich!" said Shi Qingxuan. "And all the really powerful spells require proper training. What harm would it do for everyone to learn to calm their mind, and control their body?"
"The cultivation sects would disagree," said He Xuan, but considering how much he hated the cultivation system, that was as good as admitting that Shi Qingxuan had won the argument.
"The cultivation sects can bite me," said Shi Qingxuan, cheerfully. "Speaking of which, I'm hungry! What's for lunch?"