"Ol' Feng, you're a woman today, right?"
Shi Qingxuan turned and found themself face to face with two of their former students, both wearing nothing but thin inner robes.
"Um..." Shi Qingxuan looked around for Sha Lizhong and was relieved to find him 'sleeping' over in their corner. This was only the second time they'd tried dressing like a woman inside the temple, and while no-one had seemed to really care last time, it was still hard not to be a little nervous. Especially when faced with two young men in their underwear with hopeful looks on their faces. "Yes?"
"Great," said Li Shijiu. "Then you can settle this for us. Would women be more into the green, or the brown?" He held up two robes: a plain robe dyed a faded grey-green, and a beige robe decorated with a cheap brown blotchy print of...something.
Shi Qingxuan let out a relieved breath. They thought about trying to explain that gender didn't work that way, but life was too short to waste on knocking sense into teenagers. And as it was, these boys grasped the essentials of Shi Qingxuan's gender better than most of the fine thinkers in the Heavens had. Qingxuan had spent nearly two years as a mortal now, thinking they had no choice but to live as a man, but it turned out all they'd had to do is say "By the way, I'm a woman today" and everyone had just nodded and gone on with things as if it was no big deal.
Then again, these were the same folk who had adjusted to meeting gods and fighting the end of the world without too much trouble. Should it really be a surprise that they could accept something as small as a change in gender? Shi Qingxuan wasn't even the only person in the temple living contrary to the sex they were born as, though they were the only one whose body sometimes changed to match.
It was a little strange to think how happy Shi Qingxuan was with their life these days. Many things had improved from those early days on the streets: the beds were more comfortable, the food more palatable, and Shi Qingxuan had learned navigate the different rules of their new social position. They'd even finally made some headway with the government on getting a stipend of rice for the poor: It was only a trial run for now, a meagre portion limited to official citizens of the capital, but that was enough to make the difference between desperate starvation and mere hunger for many people.
Yet this life still had its many difficulties, and threats. And it was the people around them who made it bearable. Shi Qingxuan felt an intense gratefulness to the people who had helped save them when their life was at their lowest, and was determined to do everything in their power to offer what help they could in return.
They dedicated their full attention to the relative aesthetic merits of the two robes in front of them.
"Well," they said, after some thought. "The best choice would ultimately depend on the woman. I'm sure some girl out there is really into cows."
Li Shijiu made a face. "...so you're saying the green."
"I told you, ge!" laughed his brother. "I told you my robe is better! But you were all 'what would a blind guy know about colour, blah blah blah'. Now, you gonna pay me to borrow it for your date or not?"
"Yeah, yeah," muttered Li Shijiu. "Thanks Ol' Feng. I guess."
Shi Qingxuan gave a cheerful little bow. "Any time." And then they contacted He Xuan via his private communication array.
"Did you hear that?" Shi Qingxuan laughed to themself, lightly enough that the boys wouldn't hear. "Ah, youth."
He Xuan didn't reply, but Sha Lizhong let out a loud snore.
"Oh come on," said Shi Qingxuan. They walked over to Sha Lizhong's bedding and flopped down next to him. When this had no effect, they poked him in his pudgy little cheek. He rolled over, turning his back on Shi Qingxuan, and then let out another snore. Melodramatic ass.
Shi Qingxuan rolled over to match, putting an arm around Sha Lizhong's waist. This would just add to the rumours that the two of them were sleeping together, but eh. After the first few hundred times explaining that Shi Wudu was their brother and not their husband Shi Qingxuan had learned not to care too much about gossip.
"Wake up diidiii..." whined Shi Qingxuan, poking Sha Lizhong in the stomach. Thanks for the extra working arm, He Xuan, it's great for poking!
It still felt a little strange to touch He Xuan so easily, whatever his form. There was no returning to the pure trust they'd had in Ming Yi, leaning on his strength and playfully rough-housing with rock-solid certainty that their friend would never do them harm. Shi Qingxuan couldn't tease He Xuan without remembering what it felt like to beg for mercy, couldn't poke him without a jolt of fear at the thought of reprisal. And yet, they felt increasingly drawn to touch him anyway, to look their fear in the face and let it sit mixed together with annoyance and affection in their heart.
He Xuan showed no signs of being drawn to touch them back, but perhaps that was only to be expected. He didn't seem to mind, at least, and that would have to be good enough. Shi Qingxuan poked him again.
"Five more minutes, Aunt," muttered Sha Lizhong, without moving a jot.
"Aunt?" cried Shi Qingxuan, whacking him on the shoulders. "Who's your aunt?!" They kept hitting Sha Lizhong until he let out a sad little sound of pain so plaintive that Shi Qingxuan actually felt bad for a moment, only to remember it was all an act and hit him again even harder.
"Aw, leave him be, Ol' Feng," said an old man sitting nearby. "Poor kid's just sleepy."
This 'kid' hasn't needed sleep in centuries, thought Shi Qingxuan with fond exasperation. He didn't even have an aunt. But they didn't want this guy thinking they were a brute, so they stopped. Shi Qingxuan wasn't sure of the man's name, he only stayed here when he couldn't find work, but based on the thick bandages around one arm he might be here for a while this time. Shi Qingxuan made a mental note to send him towards the junior cultivators who sometimes came to visit. Yu Yanli and Xie Lian had managed to persuade some of the local schools that the poor folk of the capital offered a great opportunity for students to practice their healing on a wide variety of ills.
"You used to be such a sweet, obedient boy," pouted Shi Qingxuan, pinching Sha Lizhong subtly where no-one would see.
"I thought you wanted me to be my honest self, jiejie." He Xuan's voice beside their ear was cold and deep, about as far from little brotherly as it was possible to get.
Then Sha Lizhong rolled over and blinked at them with a soft, gentle smile. "Good morning," he said, his higher, softer voice husky with sleep. It was just like He Xuan to be extra cute on purpose just to mess with them, and Shi Qingxuan refused to be charmed. Much.
"I've had better," said Shi Qingxuan, pinching him one more time for good measure. "Don't think I've forgiven you for mistaking me for your aunt. How old are you supposed to be, anyway?"
"The same age as you," said Sha Lizhong, smile widening to show the slightest hint of teeth. "Eighteen."
"Uuurgh." Shi Qingxuan had been trying not to think about it, though New Year's had definitely been and gone. "Eighteen..." they repeated to themself, briefly overcome by horror at the inexorable passage of time. "I am an aunt. I'm a grandma."
"Better a grandma than dead," said Sha Lizhong, sitting up and stretching his arms.
"Ha, he's got you there Ol' Feng!" said the man. "Eighteen's hardly a grandma, anyway! Specially for a pretty little thing like you. Plenty of time to find a man. Eh, Sha Lizhong?"
"Probably," said Sha Lizhong, with an air of cheerful ambivalence.
The man thwacked him on the back of the head. "Tell her she's beautiful and any man would be lucky to have her! Don't you know anything about women?"
Sha Lizhong nodded, apologetic, and then slowly turned to Shi Qingxuan.
"I-it's fine," said Shi Qingxuan, "you don't have to..."
"You're beautiful," said Sha Lizhong, with the bland smile and flat, earnest tone you might use to compliment an ugly gift from your mother, "and any man would be lucky to have you."
"Ahahaha," said Shi Qingxuan, heart stinging more than it ever did at He Xuan's outright insults. "Thanks." They reminded themself that they were pretty, dammit. And if they ever decided they wanted a man, he would be lucky.
"Speaking of pretty girls," said the old man, "You uh...seen Yu Yanli lately? I know you two were friends. Haven't seen her round much in a while. Heard she's done good for herself."
"She's done very well," said Shi Qingxuan. "Got herself a nice place to stay and a bunch of fancy rich friends. She's a proper cultivator now." Wait, did they sound bitter? They probably sounded bitter. "And I'm very happy for her!"
"Oh," said the man. "So, uh...I guess she's not doing her old job any more?"
"I don't think so?" said Shi Qingxuan, with a sense of foreboding.
"Aww..." He let out a sad sigh. "I've been saving up, nearly had enough to hire her for a night. I heard she can do this amazing thing with her-"
"YES WELL ANYWAY TIME FOR BREAKFAST," said Shi Qingxuan, grabbing Sha Lizhong and dragging him away with them towards the doorway. They weren't a prude by any measure, but there are some things you just don't want to know about your friends.
"So what are we having for breakfast?" asked Sha Lizhong.
"I don't know! How are you always so hungry when you don't even need to eat?" Shi Qingxuan considered their options. They could always ask He Xuan for more money again, but they didn't like doing that too often. It was nice to be the provider sometimes. "I think I have a few chestnuts left from that big bag I got half price at the market, will that do?"
"For a start."
"Just don't eat them with the shells on again, it's so creepy."
"Is it?" asked Sha Lizhong, with a smile that said I know, and that's why I do it. Lately, the lines between He Xuan and She Lizhong's personalities had become increasingly blurry. After all, they were the same man underneath.
"Wait," said Shi Qingxuan, turning around and limping back a step the way they came. "Uuurgh. The chestnuts are back with my things, which would means going back near Mr-"
"Hey!"
Shi Qingxuan turned back towards the door to face this unexpected voice, and all thoughts of breakfast fell out of their head when they realised the man addressing them wore a yamen runner's card on his belt, as did the bigger man looming menacingly beside him in the doorway.
"Y-yes?" asked Shi Qingxuan, trying to look harmless and law abiding. Which they were! Most of the time!
The sight of yamen runners in the temple wasn't always a bad sign: Asides from those for whom thuggery was a sincere calling, the only people who wanted to work as underpaid enforcers for the city magistrate were those too poor to be choosy. Plenty of the stronger male inhabitants of the temple had tried their hand at the job.
But having largely come from the streets themselves didn't stop the low-paid runners from shaking down the few tiers of society below them for bribes, with the threat of prison or worse as inducement. Not infrequently they even had official sanction for doing so, their magistrate employer tending to see homeless beggars as nothing more than criminals who were yet to be caught.
And these men didn't look familiar, and didn't look like they were here to say hi.
The smaller runner looked Shi Qingxuan up and down, staring far longer than was necessary at their legs. Being a woman had its downsides. "What's your name?"
"Fe-"
"Fan Xi," said Sha Lizhong, "And this is my sister, Fan Qingyue."
"Didn't ask you," said the runner, with a suspicious glare.
"Th-that's right, A-Xi!" said Shi Qingxuan ruffling his hair. "Jiejie can speak for herself, you know."
"Sorry," said Sha Lizhong.
"Thanks for that," sent Shi Qingxuan, silently. "I was totally about to tell him my real name. Oops!" Not that Feng Qing was their real real name, but it had become real enough after all these years, a whole new life and identity built up around it. A life that might not benefit from the attention of the city magistrate.
"Of course you were," replied He Xuan.
"Hmmm," said the runner. "And what about him?" He gestured towards the old man.
"No idea!" said Shi Qingxuan, and it wasn't even a lie.
"We're just passing through," said Sha Lizhong, sounding as sincere and earnest as ever despite lying through his teeth. "So we don't know anyone here very well. Sorry we can't be more helpful."
"C-can we go?" asked Shi Qingxuan. "I have an appointment." This wasn't a lie either: Yu Yanli had invited them out to celebrate the unexpected success of their rice stipend proposal. Shi Qingxuan wondered if letting these runners know it was now easier to avoid such dangerous work would decrease the odds of getting arrested.
Probably not. There was a long, excruciating pause.
And then the runner nodded. "Sure."
"Thanks!" said Shi Qingxuan. They felt the runners' eyes on their back as they walked out, and had to force themself not to try to walk any faster. It wasn't like they could outrun the runners if it came to that.
Once they were out of sight of the temple Shi Qingxuan leaned against Sha Lizhong at let out a dramatic sigh. "That was so scary!"
"You scare too easily." Though he was wearing the body of Sha Lizhong, the tone was pure He Xuan.
"What are you complaining for?" said Shi Qingxuan. "Doesn't that make me delicious?"
"I've had better."
"Hey!" Shi Qingxuan whacked him in the chest.
"Would you rather I said I hungered for your terror?" said He Xuan.
Shi Qingxuan took a sharp breath, as a pang of fear made their chest ache. Even looking like sweet little Sha Lizhong, even now that Shi Qingxuan had mostly come to trust him...the fear Shi Qingxuan had of He Xuan was still there, under the surface. Maybe it always would be. "Of course not!" they said, whacking him again to dispel the pain in their chest and feel more like friends again.
What would a friend do in this situation? Shi Qingxuan rested their head against Sha Lizhong's solid chest. "I do scare too easily," they said, softly, knowing he would be able to feel the way Shi Qingxuan's heart still fluttered with fear. "You'd think I'd be hardened to fear by now, and yet." They hit him again, but lightly, and with affection. "Good thing I have you to distract me from it with a well-timed insult, huh?"
"And yet you hit me repeatedly," said He Xuan. "Hardly a sign of gratefulness."
"Do you even feel pain?" said Shi Qingxuan, leaning up to pinch his cheek and pull his flat frown into a distorted quasi-smile.
He Xuan put up with this in silence for a moment. Then he reached up his hand and placed it on Shi Qingxuan's cheek, and pinched them back.
"Do you?" he asked, voice cold.
He's touching me! said a silly little voice in Shi Qingxuan's silly little heart, as though a pinch counted as a caress. As though a caress from He Xuan was something Shi Qingxuan should even want in the first place.
"It'll be Yu Yanli hurting me if we're late, come on." Shi Qingxuan laughed and pulled away, rubbing their cheek.