It was more of a gesture than a real kiss, Shi Qingxuan brushing their lips against the He Xuan's mouth for only a moment before pulling back a finger's breadth. But it felt like taking the first a step through a door that had spent a hundred years waiting to be opened. Even with He Xuan's hands holding them steady, they felt giddy, like they were teetering on the edge of a high cliff.

He Xuan's lips had been cool, but not cold, and unexpectedly soft. He let out a soft breath, the air tickling the skin of Shi Qingxuan's face, and his mouth stayed open like he'd forgotten to close it. She Qingxuan kissed him again, letting themself linger this time, feeling a faint movement as He Xuan found the wherewithal to kiss them just a little bit back.

Now who's shy?

And then they really were falling, He Xuan's previously supportive hands forcefully moving to knock them off their feet. They had no choice but to grab onto He Xuan's neck as their body was shifted around like a sack of rice, back tipped over and legs raised in the air until they were sitting on He Xuan's lap. One of his hands stayed firm against their back, holding them still, while the other grasped the back of their head, pulling them forward.

"Hey!" they said "That's...ah..."

He Xuan buried his face into the crook of their neck, and mouthed at their throat, less a kiss and more a restrained bite, teeth scraping against their skin. "Yes," he whispered hoarsely. "Yes. I want this." His fingers buried themselves into Shi Qingxuan's hair and he nosed the line of their jaw. The felt cool air against their ear as he breathed, "Do you?"

"Yes," they said, "Yes, yes, He Xuan, I-"

It was hard to say who kissed who this time. Shi Qingxuan licked into his mouth delicately, tasting ginger and salt, and He Xuan responded with teeth and tongue, fierce and greedy. Shi Qingxuan teased at the skin around his collar and He Xuan pulled roughly at their robes, drawing their body tight against his.

He wants me.

They'd known it before, obviously, or they wouldn't be in this position, but it was one thing to know it and another to feel it. He Xuan had no heartbeat but his body pulsed with desire, hard and heady. And Shi Qingxuan felt the same, all second thoughts forgotten in the tide of want. The two of them wrapped around each other, kissing and grasping at each other until Shi Qingxuan had to pull away to catch their breath.

"Sorry," they gasped. "Us mortals...need to breathe..." They needed a moment to calm their heart, as well. It was all just so much.

He Xuan let out a derisive little snort and shifted his mouth to their neck, nipping at their ear.

"Ahah...that's not h-helping..." They bucked instinctively, body yearning for more contact, and he pressed down on their thigh, holding them in place. They had to stop themself reaching down to pull his hand higher. "You...you don't mind that I'm a man right now?" they asked, instead. The idea of becoming a woman wasn't unappealing in and of itself, but there was a part of them that felt the need to make sure that He Xuan would accept them in all their forms. Some of their past male lovers had not.

"Does it seem like I mind?" said He Xuan, running his hand down the flat plane of their chest and then pulling at their belt. "You're the one who's made their preferences clear. I imagine you're not going to tolerate me keeping this form for long."

"Noooo," said Shi Qingxuan. "I like your form. It's a very good form." They caressed the sharp, masculine edge of his jaw, down to the smooth shaved skin on the point of his chin. "Just because I generally prefer women doesn't mean I can't appreciate a good man when...when I fall in his lap haha. And since you are a man, it would feel wrong to make you be anything else."

"It would, would it?" said He Xuan, voice heavy with sarcasm.

"That was different!" said Shi Qingxuan. "Encouraging you to be a girl with me when we go shopping or whatever...that's just a bit of fun. But this...this is too personal, you need to feel like you're fully yourself. Unless you want to-"

"No," said He Xuan. Having undone Shi Qingxuan's belt, he took hold of their outer robes and pulled firmly at the thin fabric until Shi Qingxuan moved their arms to let themself be undressed, and then he pulled them close, one hand on the middle of their back while his other hand wrapped around the back of their neck. "These bodies are acceptable."

"Acceptable huh..." said Shi Qingxuan, with a sly smile. And then there was what felt like two little pops under each of He Xuan's hands, and Shi Qingxuan felt the fabric of their nei yi loosen and start to fall.

"What was that?" they asked, hand instinctively going up to stop the nei yi from falling off completely.

"You say you need to breathe," said He Xuan. "So breathe."

"Oh," said Shi Qingxuan, taking a breath. "Oh, that does help!"

He Xuan smiled smugly and ran his hand down to rest atop their own before grabbing at the fabric of the nei yi and pulling it off them completely and dropping it to the floor. He really wasn't wasting any time!

They looked down at their chest, now covered only by their hand, and felt their cheeks heat. "I, um, suppose I don't really need to worry about preserving my modesty haha." Though they were still half dressed, they felt naked under his gaze.

What did He Xuan feel, looking at them like this? Beyond the obvious attraction...did it make his heart flutter, too, to be so intimate? Or did he just see an attractive body, a little tanned and underfed but 'acceptable' for his needs?

"You have modesty?" said He Xuan, scratching his long nails lightly against the line of their collarbone, and then slipping lower. Shi Qingxuan shivered, breath coming faster for reasons that had nothing to do with their clothing.

"S-some!" said Shi Qingxuan, eyes fluttering shut. He Xuan's hand slipped beneath the waistband of their underskirt and all the blood rushed from their head so fast they felt dizzy. They wanted this so much, but it was also...too much, somehow, too sudden for their heart to bear. "A-ah, He Xuan..." They put their hand on his, stopping him before he could reach down any further. "Aren't you...uh, moving a little fast?"

"You tell me," said He Xuan, hand stilling.

Shi Qingxuan opened their eyes. "Oh, I don't mean too fast for me!"

He Xuan raised an eyebrow, as if to say you're the one who keeps wanting to stop.

"W-well, I am a little nervous," they said, as if their heart wasn't thundering like an avalanche in their chest. "But I...I also really want..." they trailed off, too embarrassed to finish their sentence. "If you're comfortable, I'm comfortable! I just know this must all be very...very new for you."

"I'm hardly some blushing maiden," said He Xuan. He'd stopped the onslaught for now, but his hands sat possessively around their hips in a way that made Shi Qingxuan very aware of how those hands would feel on their bare skin.

"No, of course not, but you haven't...um..." They stopped, and considered He Xuan's behaviour. He really wasn't acting like a blushing virgin. Quite the reverse. "Oh. I suppose I was just assuming that you haven't done anything like this before. But I...I can't assume I know everything about your life. I should know that by now."

He Xuan sniffed and looked away. "I will admit that my experience is not as extensive as yours."

"What's with that supercilious expression?" said Shi Qingxuan. "Are you calling me a slut?"

"I am calling you a person of extensive experience," said He Xuan.

"Hmmph," said Shi Qingxuan. They smoothed down the rumpled edge of He Xuan's robes where they'd tugged it free. "You know I don't do this sort of thing with just anyone, right?"

"Your standards have never seemed especially high."

"Maybe not compared to you," said Shi Qingxuan, remembering all the times He Xuan had rejected them, along with everyone else who'd ever expressed interest in him. But a secret, entirely hypocritical part of them was happy to know that He Xuan hadn't been off secretly doing all the sorts of things Shi Qingxuan had been doing openly. They got to keep him all to themself. As a friend, and nothing more, but that was something. "I am honoured to finally be considered worthy. Even if it took you a very long while. All those rejections hurt, you know!"

A little part of them was still convinced he would reject them even now, that he would turn around and decide they weren't worth the effort.

"You think I should have lain with you under false pretences," said He Xuan, "while I secretly plotted against you?"

He Xuan talking about laying with them made a pleasant shiver run down Shi Qingxuan's spine. "I suppose not..." they said. "Does that mean...you only turned me down because you thought it would be unethical? Not because you didn't like me? That's..." They smiled broadly, as so many decades of rejection suddenly changed from a sign they weren't good enough for He Xuan to repeated proof that he cared. "That's so sweet. I have to kiss you again!"

And so they did.

This kiss started out more gently, but quickly grew heated. Shi Qingxuan had always liked kissing, but kissing He Xuan was something else entirely. He was so focussed, intense with an edge of restraint, like there was something darker and hotter lurking beneath what remained of his self control, but he was forcing himself to be gentle out of concern for Shi Qingxuan. It was indescribably sexy, and the tenderness in his touch filled Shi Qingxuan with a needy yearning for more. If this was the most He Xuan could give them, they wanted everything he had to give.

And all they'd done so far was kiss! He Xuan hadn't even taken off any clothes yet!

Not for want of trying on Shi Qingxuan's part. Unfortunately it was hard to remove someone's robes when you were sitting on their lap. They tugged fruitlessly at his outer robes and made a sound of frustration. "He Xuan, would you mind if I ripped off your robes in a fit of passion?"

"Save your strength," said He Xuan, and his robes simply vanished, leaving him in nothing but a thin pair of trousers. She Qingxuan's hands fell lightly against his now bare chest.

"Oh," they said, smiling. "Alright then." They placed their palms flat against He Xuan's skin and pulled back to get a better view. "Let's have a look at you."

"Nothing much to see."

"I disagree," said Shi Qingxuan, as they took him in. Like Ming Yi, he was tall and lightly muscled, but more slim, almost gaunt, and his unearthly pale skin was branded with scars. Shi Qingxuan gently traced the tip of their finger along a rough-edged tangle of scar tissue, affection and attraction mingling with melancholy and guilt. But it was a sadness they could bear, now. "Is this how you looked when you died?"

"It's how I see myself," said He Xuan. Which was a very He-Xuan-ish non-answer. Shi Qingxuan briefly wondered if he had looked different in life in some significant way, but decided that wasn't what mattered.

"I'm glad I got to see you like this," they said. "The real you."

"My real body is ashes," said He Xuan. "This body has existed for a matter of days."

"It feels pretty real to me," said Shi Qingxuan. They traced the muscles of his back and kissed a line down his chest. "If you were attracted to me before...I'm glad that you waited. That we are together like this, without any lies between us."

He Xuan nosed the top of their head and let out a sigh into their hair. It was a tender gesture, soft and bittersweet, and made Shi Qingxuan's insides melt into jelly.

They'd seen He Xuan (or at least Ming Yi) topless plenty of times, but this was the first time they'd been able to touch him like this, skin to skin. Even though they hummed with desire, for now all they wanted to do was stay in this moment, enjoying the feeling of connection. Enjoying the knowledge that they were friends, that He Xuan cared for them, and wanted this, wanted to be here as much as they did.

"It's kind of funny, thinking about it," they said. "I spent so much of today worrying that you'd never see me this way, that it would make you uncomfortable if you knew what I was thinking. But you were thinking the same thing! Now I feel silly for spending so much effort thinking up ways to win you over slowly, haha."

"You did," said He Xuan.

"I did?"

"You cannot imagine how much I hated you at first," he said, the sharp words softened by his calm, matter-of-fact tone. "I could barely look at you."

"Oh." It wasn't exactly a surprise but still hurt a little. Shi Qingxuan rested their head against him. "So, um. When did you stop hating me and start wanting me?"

He Xuan let out a laugh that Shi Qingxuan could feel vibrate through his whole chest. "You act as if the two are mutually exclusive."

Shi Qingxuan's eyes widened. "Wait, are you saying I'm so sexy you did want me from the start?"

"No," said He Xuan. He traced the line of their cheekbone with one finger, and frowned. "At first all I saw when I looked at you was your brother."

"A...ahhh." Shi Qingxuan and their brother had hardly looked like twins, but there had been a noticeable resemblance. "But that stopped, after a while? And you saw me as myself?"

He Xuan gave them a look that said, if I hadn't, you'd be dead.

Shi Qingxuan looked up into his eyes and thought, Did you ever see me, then, when you looked at him?

If he had, it hadn't been enough to stop him. He Xuan's hatred and anger had been too strong.

Even if Shi Qingxuan's hotness had apparently been even stronger. It was quite a compliment, when you thought about it like that.

"You must have been so pissed off," said Shi Qingxuan with a weak laugh. "Of all the people to be interested in."

"You have no idea," said He Xuan, though Shi Qingxuan had a pretty good idea of how angry He Xuan could get when it came to themself and their brother, and how focussed he'd been on his revenge.

"But you liked me anyway..." The thought made Shi Qingxuan feel warm and special. They reminded themself that attraction was not the same as love. Countless people had been attracted to Shi Qingxuan over the years, and none of them had been willing to offer much in the way of meaningful connection, in the end. "Imagine if I'd realised. I wouldn't have known what to do with myself haha..."

Would they have slept with Ming Yi back then, if he'd been willing? It seemed likely. Would they have fallen in love with him as a result? Trying to imagine it was too painful. Because even if Ming Yi had put a stop to things before they got too intense, Shi Qingxuan would likely still have become more attached. And the sense of betrayal when He Xuan revealed himself...it would have been even worse. And it had been near unbearable already.

"It's fortunate that I'm such a good liar," said He Xuan.

"Mmm." Fortunate indeed, for Shi Qingxuan's heart. And in a world where He Xuan wasn't such a good liar...he'd be the one who was dead, his blood on their brother's hands.

But now really wasn't the time to be thinking about their brother. There'd be other times for that.

"So," they said, shaking themself out of thoughts of lost lives and might-have-beens. "When exactly did you realise I was irresistibly sexy? Was it before I expressed interest in you or after?"

"Who cares," said He Xuan, removing the few of their hairpins that hadn't already been shaken loose and putting them down on the table.

"What do you find most attractive about me? Is it my hair? Or my pretty eyes? Or my a-"

"It's definitely not how much you talk," said He Xuan, pulling on their hair as his long fingers scratched against their scalp.

Shi Qingxuan let out a shaky gasp and pressed closer. "Come to think of it," they continued, a little breathless, "When exactly did you stop hating me and start li-"

He Xuan kissed them, nipping at their lips until they let him in, and then teasing at their tongue with his own.

She Qingxuan thought about continuing their questions through the communication array, but quickly decided they'd rather be kissing He Xuan than interrogating him, or thinking about the past. Or thinking at all.

Shi Qingxuan wasn't sure how they ended up back in the bedroom. A distance shortening array may have been involved. All they could remember was He Xuan picking them up in his arms and then holding them tight and then the next thing they knew they were falling through the air as He Xuan dropped them lightly onto the bed.

"You like throwing me about, don't you?" they said, looking up at He Xuan's pale figure leaning over them all tall and pretty. We're really doing this, they thought. Their heart stuttered in anticipation.

"Are you going to pretend you don't enjoy it?" said He Xuan.

There was a soft expression in his eyes, gentle and warm. It was very hard not to read it as affectionate. To imagine this was something real.

They traced the lines of his beautiful face with their eyes, committing everything about this moment to memory, and then reached for his hand and tangled their fingers together.

I love him, they thought. I love him and this is the only way I can have him.

It felt good, to be so close, to feel the physical connection they'd wanted for so long. But it hurt, too. It hurt to be filled with so much affection and joy and to know those feelings were not returned. When He Xuan was touching them, they were able to forget, to enjoy the moment. But with He Xuan just standing there at a distance Shi Qingxuan's stupid brain had the chance to start filling up with annoying thoughts again.

Thoughts like What does he really think of me? What if this means nothing to him? What if it ruins everything?

Shi Qingxuan gave themself a little mental slap. They'd been through all this! Maybe He Xuan didn't love them, but he cared about them an awful lot. And from the sound of things he'd stayed celibate, or near enough, for hundreds of years. The fact that he'd chosen change that now, with Shi Qingxuan, proved that they meant something to him, that he trusted them with a part of himself that no-one else got to see.

That was enough, wasn't it?

Eventually it occurred to them that He Xuan had been standing there for an awfully long time. And his expression had turned cold and empty, as if he was as deep in his own head as Shi Qingxuan had been in theirs.

"He Xuan?" They tugged gently on his hand. "Are you having second thoughts? We don't have to do this if you don't want to." As much as they wanted He Xuan, and wanted more closeness, part of them faced the idea of stopping with relief. Every step close they got to He Xuan physically made them aware of how much they wanted to be closer emotionally, too, in a way they would probably never get to be.

"Obviously."

"Do you not want to?" Their heart twisted with some indefinable emotion.

For the briefest of moments, He Xuan's eyes met theirs, seeming to shimmer with pain. And then his expression shuttered and he turned away.

"He Xuan?" Shi Qingxuan sat up, concerned.

He Xuan sat down on the floor, facing away from them, leaning against the edge of the bed. He looked uncharacteristically fragile, with his chin on his knees like a beggar on the street. "My apologies," he said. "It turns out I have a conscience after all."

"What? Why would your conscience...is it because we're not married? Because I'm a man...ish?"

He Xuan let out a disdainful snort. "I can feel your anxiety."

"Oh," said Shi Qingxuan. Oh no. "Oh, don't worry about that. I was just being silly. I...I guess it started to feel more real! And real is scary haha."

He Xuan didn't respond.

They moved over to face towards him, resting their hands on his shoulders.

"I am anxious," they said. "But I'm happy too." They gently ran their fingers through his long black hair. "You can't feel that, can you? So I have to tell you." They kissed the back of his head. "You make me very happy, He Xuan." Even if the happiness was intermixed with melancholy, that didn't make it any less real.

"I don't need any special ability to see that," said He Xuan. "Your underskirt is quite thin."

"I didn't mean...I meant happy! The emotion!" They put their arms around him. "Obviously I do find you very attractive, I've never made a secret of that. But even more than that I..." They buried their face in his hair against his back, muffling their voice. "I just like you. I like being with you." Their voice cracked. "I think...I think, maybe, I love you."

He Xuan let out a high breath, like a sob or a sigh.

"Sorry, probably shouldn't have said that last part, haha." They slapped themself mentally again. Not helping, Shi Qingxuan! "Anyway, my point is that you shouldn't feel guilty. I'm here because I want to be. This is what I want."

"Don't lie to me."

"What? I'm not lying! Do I have to show you my underskirt again, haha..." He Xuan twitched irritably. Which was fair, that wasn't really the point. "Fine, yes. Like I already said, I'm anxious. But...you know me, I get anxious about everything! All the time! I was probably more anxious during dinner than I am now!"

"I do know you," said He Xuan. "I have spent a hundred years by your side. And I have tasted every flavour of your fear and pain. At dinner you were twisting yourself into knots over nothing. But now...now you are truly afraid. At first I told myself it didn't matter. But as your misery grew I realised I was lying to myself. It is clear to me now that this was a mistake."

"I'm not miserable!"

"I told you not to lie to me."

"I-I'm not! I'm happy!"

He turned to face them. "You're crying."

"I..." Shi Qingxuan put their hands to their face and realised he was right. "It's nothing!"

He Xuan didn't say anything, instead wiping their eyes with the tips of his fingers.

"I just..." Shi Qingxuan sniffled despite themself. "I just feel a little bit...a little bit bad. Because I know you don't...feel the same as me. You're so nice, and so a little part of me thinks 'well maybe he likes me! Just a little bit!' And then I realise I'm fooling myself and it makes me a little bit sad. But that's...it's not important."

"It is important," said He Xuan. "I promised myself some time ago that I wouldn't make you cry again."

"You did?" Shi Qingxuan looked into his eyes. There was that flicker of pain again.

"I was never any good at keeping my promises."

"He Xuan." They gave him a shaky smile. "This isn't your fault. You can't change the way you feel. And the most important thing to me is that we're friends. The other stuff...it hurts in the moment. But don't feel bad about it. I'll get over it eventually."

He Xuan sighed. "I know you will."

Shi Qingxuan's heart clenched painfully. "What. That's..." They stopped themself. It certainly felt like they would love He Xuan forever. But they'd been wrong about that sort of thing before. And even if they weren't, there was no point in making He Xuan feel guilty about something neither of them could change.

They pulled themself over to sit on the edge of the bed next to him. It was time to stop putting off the inevitable. "I should probably go, huh?"

He Xuan put his hand on theirs. "Stay." His voice was hoarse, insistent, like the idea of them leaving hurt him more than it did Shi Qingxuan.

"I don't mean go forever!" they said, squeezing his fingers between theirs. "Just to have a little bit of space for like...a couple of hours! Then I can calm myself down and be your friend and not be all weird about it."

"And how long until the thought that I don't love you stops giving you pain?"

"Ahaha...uh..." They looked up at the decorations around the canopy of the bed while they tried to come up with any sort of decent answer. "So, on the one hand, I don't want you to feel guilty. But on the other you're annoyingly good at being able to tell when I'm lying. So. A while?"

"A long while," said He Xuan. He really was annoyingly perceptive. That and he'd been the shoulder they'd cried on every other time they'd gotten their heart broken. A period of years or decades wasn't that long on the timescale of the gods, but it certainly hadn't felt short to Shi Qingxuan at the time.

He'd always told them to stop being such a sentimental idiot. He probably wished it even harder now that the one being cried over was himself.

"Sorry," they said. "I know what it's like when a friend falls in love with you, it's happened to me a few times and it was always so awkward."

"But not as painful as feeling unrequited love yourself."

"...no."

He Xuan let out a breath. "Alright."

For a few breaths more, nothing more was said.

He Xuan's hand tightened on theirs. "I wish I could lie to you," he said. "I wish I could pretend our feelings are the same. That I liked you a little bit. That I...that I could be what you want of me. But I can only be what I am, a creature of obsession without end."

"I understand."

How were they supposed to get over him when he kept being so kind?

"You do not." He Xuan let go of their hand and stood up, facing away from the bed "I thought I could escape this, that I could hold onto one last scrap of my dignity. My pride. But you are inescapable. You are my doom."

"Um." He Xuan had been right: Shi Qingxuan very definitely did not understand. Was he angry at them? Shi Qingxuan stared at the long line of his back, knowing he could feel the way their stomach twisted with tension.

"You have left your mark on every part of me," he said, voice low. "Every thought and feeling. You stole my family from me before we'd even met, and put your hooks in my heart without even knowing my name." His hands formed into fists. "You have undermined my every plan and twisted my very nature. Despite death and hatred, despite every attempt to escape you, to escape this...this obscene obsession. For so long..." His voice sank to a whisper. "There has only been and only ever will be you."

Understanding came like a slow wave, as a million little moments all slipped into place. Shi Qingxuan let out a gasp, heart so full of feeling it felt like it would burst.

They pulled themself up from the bed and walked over towards He Xuan where he stood in the centre of the room, rigid with tension. He made as if to move away and they grabbed his wrist. "He Xuan?" They pulled on his arm until he turned to look at them.

He Xuan's eyes were wide, his lips a thin line. Even without any special powers, Shi Qingxuan could tell he was terrified.

"Oh..." they said. "Oh, He Xuan. I'm sorry. I really have misunderstood you, haven't I?" They pulled him into a hug. "I'm so glad you told me."

He Xuan remained rigidly tense for a moment more, and then put his arms around them, softly leaning into their touch.

I'm so glad that you love me, too.

It felt too big to say out loud. Too new and uncertain. And maybe He Xuan's 'obsession' meant something different to Shi Qingxuan's 'love', something darker and more dangerous. The thought should have been frightening, but just knowing they were so important to him made them feel wanted and warm.

"You need not worry," he said. "I accept that you are not like me. When you are bored with me, I will step aside and feign indifference."

"He Xuan." They pouted up at him. "You think I'm going to become bored of you? You are the least boring person in the whole world."

He Xuan let out a scoffing noise that wavered into a sob. They gave him a pointed squish.

"I love you, He Xuan. And I intend to keep on loving you for as long as you'll have me."

His breath was a disdainful puff of air against their ear. "You've felt something for what, a day?"

As compared to what: decades? A century? Shi Qingxuan was deathly curious, but that was a question for later. What mattered now was how He Xuan felt in the present.

"I only noticed yesterday," they said. "That's when I put it into words. But I was lying to myself." They stroked along his back, taking strength from the connection of touching skin to skin. "I kept telling myself I just thought you were handsome, that I just wanted to be your friend. And then when I couldn't keep that up, I told myself it was a temporary infatuation. I didn't want to admit my feelings to myself, to you, I was afraid it would change things between us too much, that it couldn't work, that I would scare you away. And maybe it will, or maybe I'm misunderstanding you. Maybe I'm the one who'll have to step aside."

He Xuan didn't say anything, but his arms tightened around them, sending the clear message that he didn't want to let them go.

Good.

"Surely you've noticed the way I've always been drawn to you," they said, softly. "The way I've always wanted you. Wanted to be close to you. For years now, no-one else has even had any appeal. Even when I hated you I...I missed you, I needed you. I will always need you."

"You don't need me. You never have." Unspoken were the words, Not the way I need you.

And perhaps...he was right. When Shi Qingxuan was separated from He Xuan, they had missed him. But they'd also managed to move on, to some extent, and build a new life for themself. They were infinitely glad that He Xuan had come back into their life, and indescribably happier for his presence. But they'd have managed to get by if they'd stayed alone.

He Xuan had not created a new life for himself. He had created many new lives, and every one of them seemed to exist to keep watch over Shi Qingxuan.

When he said 'there has only been you', did that mean he had never loved anyone else for all this time, as he watched Shi Qingxuan take lover after lover?

No wonder he didn't take their feelings seriously. No wonder that, in the end, he'd feared revealing his feelings even more than Shi Qingxuan had feared revealing theirs.

"I'm not saying there aren't differences between us," they said, "and how we feel. Your love is a singular gift I do not feel worthy to be honoured with." They put their hand to his face. "But my love for you is real. And I'm never letting you go."

He Xuan didn't reply.

They brushed their thumb against the edge of his delicate cheekbone, so close beneath the translucent skin. "Do you believe me?"

"No," said He Xuan. And then he leaned into their palm and his eyes fluttered closed. "Persuade me."

Shi Qingxuan smiled and put their arms around his neck, drawing him closer. "I'll do my best."