Chapter 20: Somewhere Warm
By the time he pounded his frozen fist on the cabin door, Garrus' teeth were chattering in his skull. He hoped to hell that Shepard was there and willing to open it, otherwise he might have to blast it down just to get near a source of heat.
He pounded again, though he was certain that if anyone was in there they'd heard him the first time. Finally, he heard movement inside and footsteps approached the door.
"Who's there?" Shepard's gruff voice was muffled by the wooden barrier between them.
"It's me, Shepard. Open the damn door. I'm freezing my ass off."
There was a long pause, and Garrus was about to speak again when he heard the doorknob turn and the door opened. The brightness of the day illuminated Shepard's tired face, and he squinted and recoiled slightly at the sunlight.
"Well...You look like shit," Garrus said.
"Yeah thanks," he said. He opened the door and motioned for Garrus to enter. He was holding his pistol in one hand.
"You expecting trouble, Shepard?"
"You've come a long way," he said. He put the pistol down and ignored Garrus' question. He closed the door behind Garrus, mercifully shutting out the frozen air. Garrus took a few seconds to scan the dim room. The fire was burning in an old stone fireplace, and a layer of dust rested on some of the shelves across the room. There were a few oil lamps placed around the room, but only a couple were lit even though all of the curtains were drawn. The counter at the kitchenette had a few empty whisky bottles lined up neatly.
"So," he started. "Nice place. You couldn't have chosen somewhere warmer for me to go mucking through the wilderness?"
"I don't remember inviting you." Shepard said flatly. Shepard grabbed a half empty whisky bottle and sat down hard on the couch. "I'd offer you something to drink, but I didn't think to pick up any dextro whisky on the way here." His voice sounded bitter, and it was clear he wasn't happy to see Garrus. That's too damn bad, Garrus thought. He wasn't going to leave here until he made sure Shepard was okay, and from the looks of it, he wasn't.
"Please Shepard, give me some credit. I brought my own rations. I figured you could use someone to have a drink with." He nodded to the empty bottles. "That is, if you still have anything to drink."
"This place is pretty well stocked," Shepard sighed. His beard had come in fully in the six weeks since he'd disappeared from Vancouver, and his eyes were bloodshot. It was clear that he hadn't bothered to bathe much either. "How did you find me?"
"Liara did."
"Of course she did," Shepard grumbled.
"You stopped responding to messages three weeks ago, Shepard. I'm surprised Liara and Williams didn't beat me up here."
"You draw the short straw on that?" Shepard took a drink from the neck of the bottle.
"No. I offered. I wanted to make sure my friend was alive and okay. Looks like I was at least half right."
"Garrus-"
"I'm not here to give you a hard time, Shepard, and I'm not here to drag you back to civilization."
Shepard pinched his nose and squinted, and Garrus guessed he either had a headache, was hungover, or both. "It's okay. It's probably good you came. I've been…"
"Yeah," Garrus said. It was hard to see Shepard the way he was now. Over the years as they had become good friends, they'd shared personal things with each other and had always had each others' backs, but he realized that he had never seen Shepard look so broken. Even when Garrus knew what a strain it all was on him, Shepard had never fully cracked in Garrus' presence, and was always ready to get up and fight harder. Garrus took a bottle of whisky out of his own pack, sat down next to Shepard on the couch, opened it and took a big swig. Shepard sipped his own bottle and the two sat in silence for a few moments.
"So," Garrus said. "Was this...helpful?"
"Maybe," Shepard said. "The good thing is I've had time alone to think about everything."
"And the bad thing?"
"I've had time alone to think about everything." He gave Garrus a half smile and nodded.
"Right. So what were you looking for exactly when you decided to come all the way out here?"
Shepard thought for a moment and took a deep breath. "I needed a few days with nothing else - no distractions, no obligations, no one looking at me or asking me to do anything."
"You've been here longer than a few days, Shepard."
"Yeah. I uh...didn't really mean for that to happen…" He shot Garrus a sheepish shrug.
"What the hell have you even been doing up here to pass the time? Just sitting in a dark room drinking whisky?"
"No," Shepard sounded just a little defensive. "I read a few of the books on the shelf there, cut firewood, did a little foraging and fishing. Some birdwatching..."
"Birdwatching huh? No hunting?" Garrus asked.
Shepard laughed. "The last thing I want to do right now is shoot something." He sipped the whisky again then furrowed his brow. "Wait, I thought you were on your way back to Palaven."
Garrus sighed. "Well I was…"
"Ah...sorry." Shepard cringed. "I know you need to get back to your sister."
"She's alright," Garrus said. "She's been coping like everyone else, and she's put her energy into relief efforts. She doesn't need me right now."
Shepard nodded and stared at the floor for a long time before speaking again. "It's good to see you, Garrus."
"Good to see you too. Not so great to smell you."
"Hey," Shepard said. "I wasn't exactly expecting guests. This is your own fault."
"I guess that's fair." Garrus put his feet up on the coffee table and sank back into the couch. "How did you find this place anyway?"
"My dad owns it. I used to come here as a kid."
"Well it's...cozy."
"It's a shack," Shepard corrected. "But it has some good memories attached to it. And at least it's warm."
Garrus nodded. "You had to have known one of us would show up when you stopped checking in."
Shepard shook his head. "I didn't really. I lost track of time I guess."
"That's bullshit, Shepard."
"I did," Shepard sounded defensive again. "I haven't exactly counted the days I've been here, and there's only so many times I can say 'hey I'm alive, back soon'." Shepard rested his head back on the couch.
"I guess it turns out there's no such thing as no obligations or distractions," Garrus said.
"I guess not," Shepard said with his eyes closed. "You said Liara sent you. I'm not sure I want to know how pissed off Ash is."
"Couldn't say," Garrus said. "I haven't spoken with her, but Liara tells me she's keeping busy, and already pushing The Alliance and Council to let her get back to work."
Shepard actually smiled. "I'm not surprised. We're clearly dealing with the aftermath of this war in...different ways."
"Clearly, though I imagine she hasn't grown an insane mountain man beard."
"That's Commander Insane Mountain Man thank you," Shepard added dryly. Garrus slumped down a little more into the soft couch. It was comfortable, and the more he looked around the cabin, the more he liked it. There were ancient structures on Palaven, but they were from a thousand years ago. This place was probably less than a couple hundred years old, and Garrus reminded himself just how far humanity had come in such a short time.
"So," Garrus said after a while. "I know I'm no therapist, but if you want to talk I'm here to listen...and get drunk."
Shepard chuckled. "Let's do that first. Then maybe I'll feel like talking." He took a big gulp of his whiskey.
"Fair enough," Garrus said and took a swig of his own bottle. He had half expected to show up here and find Shepard in even worse shape, but seeing him now he knew he would come out of this alright. He always did. Life could only get easier for Shepard - and everyone else - from here on in. He extended his bottle to the side of him and held it there. After a moment, Shepard did the same. The bottles clinked together and then they both drank in silence.
Ashley wasn't quite sure what to do once she reached the small beach house on a remote island in the Coral Sea. A few days prior, Shepard had sent her the first message she'd received in weeks. It's contents were simply the words "somewhere warm" attached to a set of coordinates. She assumed that meant she was supposed to find him there, though as she entered the small home she had the feeling she was trespassing.
No one was there of course. The island was remote, and had been nearly untouched by the Reapers though it seemed that almost all of the locals had evacuated save for a handful of shop owners she'd seen while getting supplies. She glanced around at the airy house. It was a cozy and simple one level square shape. The only door to another room she could see was the bathroom, and everything else adorned the main space. There were large doors on three sides of it that were open wide to the elements, and a warm breeze flowed through it with the scent of sea salt on it. There were no personal belongings that she could see, and she figured it must be a rental home of some kind.
She didn't see Shepard. She wondered if he was even there, if he'd made it or if he'd gotten delayed. She wondered if he was even coming given how unpredictable he had been lately. She thought of how angry she would be if he didn't show up. She'd been fairly pissed at him lately, especially after he'd stopped communicating. Ashley had wanted to leave it alone, mostly out of stubborn anger, but Liara convinced her that someone should check on him, and she was right. Ashley hadn't spoken with Garrus, but she was grateful that Shepard had a friend with him for at least a few days.
She plopped her duffel bag down next to the bed and walked toward the front of the house where a deck met the golden sand. As she stepped onto it, she let a small smile spread across her face despite her mood. Shepard was down near the water a dozen meters away, barefoot, and looking out into the open, turquoise ocean. The wind had mussed his slightly grown out hair and he stood with his hands in his pockets looking more relaxed than she would have expected. As she took a moment to watch him she felt her anger recede. She could put it aside, at least temporarily. For the moment, she was just glad to see him.
He seemed to sense her presence, and he turned around to find her standing there. They looked at each other for a long moment before he finally approached and stepped up onto the deck, stopping just an arms length from her.
"Hey," he said. The corners of his mouth turned up into a barely there smile.
"Hey," she responded.
"I wasn't sure you would come," he admitted.
"I wasn't sure either," she said honestly. She had toyed with the idea of making him come to her, but had ultimately decided it was petty, and she was more mature than that.
"I'm glad you did." He took a deep breath. "Thought I might start with an apology."
She knew they had a lot to discuss. He had hurt her, run off, cut ties. She was worried, angry and had questions, but none of that seemed to matter to her at that moment. She closed the distance between them and slid her arms around his shoulders.
"It can wait," she said. She pressed her lips to his and closed her eyes as she felt him kiss her back and slip his arms around her to pull her closer. She had missed this, missed the way his hand felt pressed to her back, missed the way he kissed her that made her feel like she was the only thing that existed for him. After a few moments they parted only long enough for her to see the need in his eyes that sent a flood of yearning through her body.
He kissed her again, slid his hands beneath her, gripped her securely, and lifted her to him. He'd regained his strength in his time away, and the way her body thrummed against his reminded her that it had been since before London that they had been together like this. She needed to feel him, and from the way his fingers gripped the back of her hair while he kissed her neck, she could tell the feeling was mutual.
They fell onto the soft bed and wasted no time before pulling at each others' shirts and casting them aside. He blanketed her body with his, hovered close to her, and then touched her face with tender reverence.
"I love you," he said quietly. She smirked and kissed him.
"Prove it," she whispered.
After another deep kiss, he parted only to let his lips and hands descend her body, leaving a potent current of arousal in their wake. She gasped when his lips found the ticklish spot he knew about beneath her ribcage. By the time his journey reached his intended destination she was lost, pulsing under his adept touch, and everything else fell away except the sounds of her own pleasured breath and the ocean waves.
Shepard opened his eyes and looked at the water. The sun was getting lower, and he realized that he must have dozed off not long after their fervent reunion. From the look of it so had Ashley. It had been a week since Shepard fled the frozen wastelands of Canada and headed for the balmy Coral Sea, but it seemed like a lifetime ago. Garrus' visit had shaken him out of his solitary stupor, and he was grateful for that. After a few, raw, cathartic days commiserating, drinking, laughing, and yelling with his friend, Shepard promised himself he would do whatever it took to face his demons. A hot shower, a fresh shave, and a few days in the sun had helped him feel like a new man, at least for the time being. The soft sea breeze and warm water were the opposite of the frozen, snowy cabin. He supposed if he looked hard enough he could find some deep symbolism there, but Ashley raised her head from his chest to look at him, and it pulled his attention away from his thoughts.
"You still need to apologize, you know," she said. She shifted her naked body slightly under the white sheet so she could face him better. She rested a hand on his chest, and he covered it with his and squeezed.
"I know," he said. He sat up slowly. She followed, and they turned to face each other. "I shouldn't have run off or dropped out of contact. I'm sorry, Ash." He tucked a bit of her hair behind one of her ears. Her brown eyes looked thoughtful for a moment and then she nodded slightly.
"Maybe...I shouldn't have pushed," she said. "I should have listened to you more about what you needed."
"No. You were right." He took a deep breath. "You were right, Hackett was right, and Dr. Rainier was right. I need the time off and the help. I know that now." She seemed a little surprised by his words, and she must have thought she was going to need to come here to convince him. But he'd had time to think, and he'd accepted what needed to happen.
"That's…That's good to hear," she said.
"It will take time... And it'll be hard. But I'm ready to get back to my life, whatever that ends up being."
She nodded. "So you're okay?"
"I will be. And what about you?" he asked. "Are you okay?"
"Been better," she admitted. She broke eye contact and looked down.
"I wasn't there for you," he said simply. "I'm sorry for that too." She gave him a small, sad smile in response.
"Well I did some soul searching of my own," she finally said. "Turns out I was avoiding dealing with anything too, just in a different way." She met his eyes. "But I guess we can't avoid it by losing ourselves in work or family or becoming a mountain hermit."
"I guess not."
"Speaking of...Heard you grew a beard," she said in a familiar playful tone.
"I did."
"Did it help?"
"A little."
"Well that's good," She chuckled and moved to casually straddle his lap. They smiled at each other and he placed a soft, short kiss on her collarbone.
He spent a few seconds just admiring her pretty face and her striking brown eyes. He'd seen a lot in them in the last few years - pain, joy, compassion, determination, fear, mischief. Mischief is what seemed to be there now, and that was his favorite.
He exhaled a sigh. "You know, I've been thinking about what's next for us too." He watched her playful expression turn serious, and she nodded.
"And what do you think is next for us?" she asked softly.
"I don't know," he admitted with a casual shrug. "But it doesn't matter."
"Oh it doesn't?" She laughed. "You mean for once you don't have a plan, Commander?"
"No I don't. And I don't think we need to, at least not yet. All I know for sure is that whatever is next, I want you there." He touched her face and grazed his thumb along her cheekbone. "If that's what you want."
"It is," she said.
He shrugged again. "Good. We'll start there. The rest will fall into place."
She smiled and tilted her head to the side questioningly. "So it's that easy is it?"
"No. But it's never been easy for us, Ash. " He raised an eyebrow at her.
"You... have a point," she conceded quietly. There had never been a time where anything had been easy for them. If they weren't fighting side by side in a brutal war they were either fighting each other or torn apart by tragic circumstances. He kissed her, and she chuckled as they parted.
"What?" he asked.
"We used to say we would just take off to someplace like this, but I never thought it would actually happen." She narrowed her eyes. "I don't suppose we could just stay here forever right?"
"At least a few days," he suggested. She kissed him.
"How about a week?" she urged. She kissed him again.
"Maybe two weeks." He said between her increasingly insistent kisses.
"Hmm. I didn't bring a swimsuit." She shifted slightly in a way that told him she was done talking.
"I don't think it'll be a problem, Williams." He smiled, pulled her close and kissed her in the waning orange daylight.
Shepard knew that starting a life with Ashley would have its challenges, both for their relationship and for each of them personally as they worked to put the pieces of themselves and the world back together. But Shepard wanted that. He wanted it more than anything. He thought back to the first day they met, and how neither of them knew how much their lives would change in the coming years. They had traveled the stars together, battled monsters, and even each other. But that was over now. And as the sun began to dip under the horizon, Shepard felt hopeful for the future for the first time in a long time.