WTF
What the fuck did I do. My legs feel like cement blocks. I can't move, I need to go to Jackie. And then what, Red's right I am a dumbass. No matter how fucked up I was, I know I did not marry Sam. Yeah we screwed around for a few weeks but that's it. That's when it hits me, she has to be lying.
I walk to the door where Mrs Forman is still standing as if she too is in shock. I close the door for her and I quietly ask her if she can call my dad for me. He's the only person I can think of that might have enough resources to help me out of this mess. She just nods her head and walks to the kitchen, without saying a word.
"So Sam, what brings you all the way to Point Place? I mean when I told you that it was time for me to head back you never mentioned that we were married. I would think us being married would be something worth mentioning "
" Look Steven" Sam begins.
Pinching the bridge of my nose "It's Hyde," I growl at her. Only two women call me Steven, my pseudo mother and my chick, not this trick.
"Fine. Look Hyde. We are married, I can prove it. I have pictures plus I brought our marriage license." Sam's not backing down. She came here for a reason.
There is no way. I was pretty fucked up for most of my time in Vegas,but there's just no way. I need to talk to WB. I feel like the walls are closing in on me.
"Look Sam, I don't know what you are trying to do but I think I will remember getting married."
"Well I am not trying to do anything but spend time with my husband. You should just be happy I didn't make a big scene. I mean it's not everyday that a wife shows up and finds her husband with his trampy ex." Sam huffs.
"Sam, let's get a few things straight. First, Jackie is not a tramp, So please don't push your luck, again. Secondly, Show me whatever proof you want but there's no way we're married. I would remember that no matter how drunk I was."
Mrs Forman walks in carrying a tray with iced tea and some cookies. She has a fake smile plastered on her face. I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
"So Steven, don't you think you should introduce me to your new friend. I mean it's not everyday your son has a wife that just shows up out of the blue." Kitty says through clenched teeth. "Let's get some things straightened out before your father gets here."
"Oh yay! I can't wait to meet Mr Barnett!" Sam exclaims.
"How.." Hyde begins but Mrs Forman gives me a stern look and then turns to Sam.
"Steven, let's all have a seat and some refreshments. So Sam, what did you do in Las Vegas before you met my Steven."
"I was a dancer at the Sapphire club." Sam announces.
"Ooh I just love dancing!" Mrs Forman exclaims.
Hyde hangs his head. How is he letting the only mother who he's ever really had sit in her own living room talking to a stripper. Mrs Forman is going to kill him when she figures out exactly what kind of dancer Sam is. This is bad.
Two Dads Are Better than One
Red and WB walk through the swinging kitchen doors to see Kitty sitting in Redd's green chair with a tight smile, Steven hanging his head and a tall blonde sitting on the sofa by him. The only thing Kitty told him on the phone was to call WB and to hurry home. She told him that Steven needed them both right away.
"Kitty we are here" Red says, sounding out of breath.
"Oh good look who showed up, Red, WB look who showed up Steven's dancer friend, from Las Vegas. I was just getting ready to ask her what kind of dancer she was." Kitty was still speaking through clenched teeth.
Red bends down and whispers the words she is a stripper into his wife's ear.
Kitty does her nervous laugh and sits back down. She just found out that she's going to be a grandma, and that her dumbass son was married to a stripper. She was going to need a stiff drink.
"Oh you must be my father in law !" Sam says looking at a very confused Red Forman.
"Kitty, When the hell did Eric get married and what the hell does this have to do with Steven and WB?"
Kitty and Sam respond at the same time. "Who is Eric"
"Red,WB this is Steven's wife Sam." Kitty explains.
Sam jumps up grabbing Red by the hands,"It's so nice to meet you Mr Barnett."
"I am Mr Barnett, Steven, who is this girl and why is she here?" WB asks suspiciously. There's something going on here but he can't quite put his finger on it. This girl is up to something.
Hyde has had enough of everyone calling this chick his wife. "Look, I met Sam at a club in Vegas. There is no way we are married. The only chick I'm ever going to marry is Jackie. So just stop this Sam. I don't know what you want from me but for fuck's sake stop saying we are married."
"Hyde, your dad is black" Sam says, sounding so confused.
"AND, what's it to you?" Hyde snarls.
"Nothing, I'm just surprised. Look Hyde can't we talk in private, there are some things we need to talk about. Can we go to your house now?" Sam says giving the Foreman's house a look over.
"Sam, I don't have a house, this is where I live."
"But I don't understand, your dad is rich, why would you live here, in a house like this" Sam says bitchingly.
"Young lady, what do you mean house like this, just who do you think you are?" Kitty shrieks.
"Steven, I won't have this girl in my house insulting us." Red says sternly.
"Well I'm Mrs Hyde,and I don't see why we're going to live here. If we are so rich."
"Young lady you are confused so let me help you out. I'm Steven's father but Red and Kitty are his parent's. And for the record I am rich, but my son was raised by a good man who taught him to earn his way in this world so if you think by claiming to be his wife you are going to get your hands on my money, think again." WB says setting the record straight.
"Since no one believes me here let me show you all our marriage certificates, maybe then you will all believe me." Sam pulls out a marriage certificate and a polaroid picture of her and Hyde. She hands it to Hyde.
He looks at it all in disbelief. There he stands next to Sam whose wedding attire looks more suited for the stage than a wedding chapel. He's in a black AC/DC band tee and he looks so stoned that he barely has eyes open, Standing between them is an Elvis impersonator, and a bad one at that. He looks oddly familiar but he doesn't know why.
"WB and Red both reach out to look at this girl's so-called proof. To them both the picture proves nothing. They give the marriage certificate a good look over. There are a few things that come to their attention but they do not say anything out loud.
"Well son if you don't mind I'm going to have my lawyers look over this marriage certificate, just to make sure it's legit. I think I should hold onto that picture too. Lord knows Jackie doesn't need to see that." WB looks very disappointingly at his son and his supposed daughter in law, bad enough Jackie had to see this.
Jackie held a special place in his heart. When he first met Steven he wasn't very nice. He couldn't help but to think of Edna. She was always about the money, and so he wrongfully assumed that Steven would be too. Man was he wrong, not that Steven corrected his error in judgement. Jackie made her way to my office and walked in like she owned the place. She told me just because her Steven was poor did not mean that he deserved to be treated like he was looking for a hand out. She let me know that he had great parents, a good home, and a fabulous girlfriend. That I was the one that missed out on having a great son.
Jackie had been right too. After making up for the disastrous first meeting with his son, he got to know the real Steven. The one that constantly made Kitty smile and laugh. He saw exactly what Red Forman saw. A young man who had a rough start, but somewhere along the way learned that loyalty, hard work and a man's word were what made you a good man. Yeah he made mistakes, but he was young and it was to be expected.
He needed to get to his lawyers. This was one mistake he wasn't going to let happen. His son was not going to be tricked by this hustler. Because if there was one thing William Barnett was sure of was that this chick was up to no good. He didn't know exactly what was going on but this girl was up to no good.
"Red, I will be in touch. Kitty please don't hesitate if Jackie or Steven need anything please call me right away. Steven, I expect you to show up at work and clean up my store. Lord knows what that hippie has been doing in there." WB rushes out the front door. He is taking this paper to the lawyer today!
Sam turns to Hyde. She knows she should have grabbed the marriage certificate out of Barnett's hands but that would only raise more suspicion. Jimmy told her that this job would be easy, but so far nothing has gone to plan. All she had to do was make Hyde believe that they were married so she could agree to an annulment and obviously a payday. They had figured out who Hyde was when he pulled out his dad's credit card to pay for his hotel room. Jimmy had met Barnett at a poker tournament 3 years ago. He was going to get his money back one way or another.
"Hyde, can you show me to our room, I need to freshen up." Sam says reluctantly looking around.
"Sam you're crazy if you think you are staying with me anywhere. " This chick has lost her mind.
"Look Miss you claim to be Steven's wife and that is to be determined and I'm sorry but you can not stay here." Red states leaving no room for argument. "Look, there's a hotel on the other side of town. Steven here can take you and you can stay there until all of this mess gets straightened out. "
Like clockwork Kelso walks in. "Hyde, Fez said you had a hot blonde wife and I said no way! So I come over and there's a hot blonde!"
"She's not my wife! Dude do me a favor and take her to the hotel and get her a room for a couple of days. Don't forget you owe me." Hyde is not about to go anywhere alone with Sam. What he needs to do is find Jackie.
Sam walks up to Kelso and shakes his hand." Hi I am Samantha Hyde. Can you please take me to the nicest hotel in this town, I'm sure my husband can afford it. Tomorrow Hyde I will be back and we can talk about what happens next."
5 minutes later, Donna's bedroom door
Hyde is knocking on the door and begging Jackie to let him in. "Jackie, Doll let me in. Please. Remember what doc said, no stress, it's not good for you or the baby."
Donna screams, "What!Jackie, you didn't tell me!"
Fez opens the door and smacks Hyde, "You sonnabich"
Donna walks by him "Dillhole"
A very distraught Bob walks by Hyde, "I can not even look at you."
Hyde takes a tentative step into Donna's room and sees a very distraught Jackie. He feels people watching and turns to see Donna,Bob, and Fez all staring. He reaches back and closes the door.
Hyde doesn't know where to begin. How does he explain that although Sam claims to be his wife, he knows deep down she's not.
"Just don't stand there saying nothing, explain to me how you weren't ready to marry me after 2 years of dating, but you had no problem marrying that whore after three weeks." Jackie sobs. "Well say something Hyde!"
Fuck, not Hyde. This is worse than bad.