Hello fellow human beings (or maybe you're a bot, idk),

I've had the urge to write recently, but I can't promise any frequent updates or anything else for that matter, seeing as how I function depends on my mental health, which as we all know, is unreliable af. A lot has changed in my life since the last time I wrote seriously, and while I won't go into the details, I think I'm a smidge better than what I used to be.

I still have bad days (and some very bad days), but I still feel I've gotten better at managing my mental health. So if any of you is struggling right now, just know that there'll be a few good days scattered in there as well. And sometimes, those good days are worth waiting for.

The plan as of now is write just one chapter of a story at a time. Once I finish that chapter, I'll move on to write a chapter of another story. I have this tendency to flit from story to story; write a few lines; then move to the next one — this has turned out to be ineffective because I don't end up writing much of anything.

So if you want to know what I'm working on, check the area below this post.

Thanks for sticking it out with me for so long, some of you are absolute dolls. I'm always extra grateful to those of you who say you're thinking of me, or hope that things get better for me. Your kind words are like thin beams of sunshine filtering through the dark jungle in my head. Thank you.

Regards,

gr8rockstarrox

30.03.21

What I'm currently working on: A new chapter of Playing Pretend, because the reviewers for this story are the absolute best!

(This section was last updated on 30.03.21)

Older notes:

Hi,

If you’re here looking for an update, I want to let you know that for the foreseeable future, I will not be updating any story. When I started writing seriously in 2015, the very act of escaping into my imagination used to bring me joy. I used to look forward to spending time clacking away at the keyboard. Three years down the line, things have changed a lot. I no longer get joy out of writing. Every time I post or update something, all I think of is whether it will be well received; whether people will like it or not. I no longer write for myself, and it’s become an incredibly stressful process.

There isn’t a single day when I don’t check for reviews. I’m plagued with thoughts like, “Oh, I posted this two days back but I’ve only got five reviews. Does this mean I no longer write good stories? Do people not like me anymore?” The thing is, I shouldn’t be seeking validation from the outside. It shouldn’t matter to me whether other people like my work, what should matter is whether I like my own work, and guess what. I don’t.

Life has not been too kind to me, and the last time I remember being genuinely happy is when I was four. It’s ironic, because my parents were broke af then. Over the past seventeen years, battling abuse, emotional neglect and body image issues has taken a toll on my mental health. I found writing when my depression took a turn for the worse, and at the time, it helped me cope—it helped me cope marvellously. In retrospect, I realise that writing was nothing more than as escapism. Nevertheless, it helped me survive then.

The point is, it no longer helps me survive, and I need to find a new coping mechanism to continue plodding on. I’m trying to take just one day at a time, to see how life goes—it’s the only way to keep the suicidal impulses at bay. Writing does not fit into the grander scheme of trying to find contentment anymore; it’s no longer a tool for survival.

None of my other stories are abandoned. I’d like to believe that I’ll come back to them someday, when I’m doing better. I don’t want to give up on my stories, and I hope you won’t too.

I hope you understand. Thanks for reading this, and may the force be with you.

Regards,

gr8rockstarrox

15.06.18

(This note is valid as of 28.12.20.)

Update (23.03.18): Does 2018 suck for you as much as it does for me?

Here’s to hoping 2018 sucks less than 2017.

P.S. I'm removing my old stories, sorry not sorry.

— gr8rockstarrox, 31.12.17

la solitude vivifie; l'isolement tue

Awards and Recognition:

Counting Stars - Parvati/Blaise - 1st place in the Popular Pairing vs Rare Pairing Challenge (2015) hosted by Angel N Darkness

Support Circle - Lily/Dorcas friendship - Judge's Pick in Round 9 of the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition, Season 6 (2018)

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