Shepard slammed her fist down on the comm console with a snarl. "Short-sighted, infuriating pain in my ass!" she growled angrily after the projection had disappeared from sight. She hunched over the terminal for a moment, fingers curled around its edges so tightly they turned white, and seethed. Exhaustion was weighing on her, and she hated having to play politics, hated having to try to cater to a dozen different whims at once in an attempt to make everyone happy and try to save the galaxy at the same time. She was already on edge, relying on caffeine and stim pills to keep herself going. And now the dalatrass actually expected her to sabotage the cure for the genophage and all but cement the krogans' extinction? She refused to be responsible for what would more or less amount to murder, even if it did cost her the salarians' help. More importantly, she wouldn't betray her friends- family- like that. Grunt, Wrex, even Eve, now… they deserved more and hell if she wasn't going to deliver.
How fucking dare she?!
With a frustrated grunt Shepard pushed herself away from the console and stalked out through the war room, ignoring the stares as she stormed through in silence. Her brooding steps took her through the conference room and the security scanner into the CIC, and without even acknowledging Traynor at the galaxy map she stomped into the elevator and hesitated for a moment before slamming her fist against the button for the cargo bay. She wanted- needed- to see Liara, but she'd do neither of them any good until she worked off some steam and could think straight. At least more than she could right now. Her bondmate had problems of her own, wrangling the Shadow Broker network, and Shepard didn't want to add to her burdens.
As she stepped off the elevator and into the cargo bay, the small part of Shepard's mind that wasn't exuding white-hot anger was glad to note that neither Cortez nor James were in their usual spots. She wasn't in the mood for conversation or to explain the reasons that rage was eating her from the inside out. She shrugged out of her hoodie as she walked into the small gym they'd set up in one corner, dropping it onto the floor next to the punching bag as she stepped up next to it. After a few quick movements to stretch the muscles in her shoulders and neck she laid into the bag, not even bothering to wrap her hands and knuckles before she started.
Jab, right cross. Right cross, left hook, right cross. Jab, jab, cross. Jab, cross, uppercut, cross. Jab, jab, hook, uppercut. Hook, uppercut, jab, cross. Switch stance, repeat from the opposite handing. High, then low. Repeat. Faster. Harder. Over and over and over again she poured her emotions out through her fists.
At some point Shepard's knuckles went numb and the curtain of exhaustion began to slip over her. She kept going anyway, pouring out her emotions through her punches, grunts of frustration slipping from her lips with each impact. Her arms started to burn, fire spreading through the muscles and up into her shoulders and back. Sweat drenched her- her hair, her tank top, dripped off her arms onto the floor, left wet smudges on the bag. But she kept on, losing herself in the rhythm, in the familiar. In something she could control. She couldn't control the council, couldn't stop everyone from wanting something from her, couldn't stop the entire galaxy from crashing down around their heads, couldn't even control her own fucking ability to sleep without nightmares. But she could control this.
Only when her eyes started to burn and her vision blurred did Shepard's punches begin to slow. And only then did she realize that the burning and blurriness wasn't from sweat… but from tears. Her grunts had changed to strangled sobs at some point, and she sagged forward against the bag, leaning on one arm while she used the other to scrub the tears from her face. God, if Cortez had come back down and seen her like this, or, God forbid, Vega…
"Shepard."
She stiffened for a moment before she registered who the voice belonged to, and then mentally chastised herself for not paying more attention as Liara gently laid a hand on her shoulder. She reached up and covered it with her own, squeezing it gently before turning to face her bondmate. "Hey," she managed to choke out, offering Liara a smile that she was sure didn't reach her eyes. The asari studied her for a moment before stepping in and wrapping her arms around her, though Shepard didn't return the embrace at first. "I'm all sweaty," she protested.
Liara was having none of it, though. "Then we'll take a shower," she said simply, and didn't move until the commander finally sighed and pulled her a little closer. Shepard tucked her face into the crook of her bondmate's neck while Liara's hands traced soothing circles over her back, and slowly she felt a little of the tension melt away. Liara didn't ask Shepard if she was all right, or if she wanted to talk about it, because she knew she wasn't, and that the words would come when Shepard was ready to speak them. Instead, they just stood there holding each other, until the chill of the ship finally seeped through Shepard's sweat-drenched clothes, and she shivered.
"Come on," Liara said softly, stepping out of their embrace and slipping a hand into one of Shepard's. The commander followed the tug on her hand as Liara pulled her towards the elevator, pulling her bondmate back into her arms to absorb some of her warmth as the door slid shut behind them and they made the ascent up to Shepard's cabin in silence. Liara palmed the door lock as they stepped into the room. "EDI, have Joker relay the message that Shepard's unavailable for the next ten hours, please," the asari instructed the Normandy's AI.
There was a moment of silence before a response came. "Done. Jeff says, 'it's about time,' and that he thought she gave up sleeping."
Normally Shepard would've protested, but one look at Liara's face paired with her own mental state forestalled that argument before it could even make it to her lips. Instead, she dropped into the chair to pull her boots off while Liara ducked into the bathroom and started the shower. Once her feet were bare Shepard stood again, wincing as her abused muscles protested, and peeled her clothing from her body before following her in.
Liara was in a similar state of undress, but she didn't give Shepard an opportunity to properly appreciate it as she gently pushed the human under the steaming water coming out of the showerhead. Shepard hissed briefly as the hot water hit her chilled skin, but then the warmth began to seep into her muscles, and she closed her eyes and tilted her head back to let the water soak into her hair. A breathy sigh of relief escaped her mouth, and she reached an arm out to grab Liara and tug her in with her. Eyes still closed, she wrapped her arms around her bondmate's waist and dropped her head to rest on her shoulder.
Liara chuckled softly into her ear. "Sometimes I think you were a fish in a previous life with as much as you like the water. Better?"
"Mhm," Shepard hummed in approval, turning her head to plant a few soft kisses on Liara's cheek. She could feel the unspoken question floating beneath the surface of their bond, and she sighed softly, gathering her thoughts. "I'm just… tired. Everyone needs something from me, and I get it, but I'm only one person. And the dalatrass had the nerve to "suggest" that I sabotage the cure for the genophage. It tipped me over the edge." Her voice took on an edge of pain. "Grunt's still at Heurta, and he's there because he was protecting me. What-" Shepard choked around the lump in her throat, and swallowed back the tears that were threatening her again. "What the hell kind of mom would I be to him if I fucking did something like that?"
"Shhh," Liara soothed her. "You never would do something like that, we both know that. The dalatrass is grasping at straws because she doesn't know how to handle her world being turned upside down." Liara pulled back from Shepard's embrace slightly, eliciting a disappointed whine from the commander, though it turned into a sound of consent when the asari gently started to work shampoo into Shepard's hair, the tips of her fingers massaging her scalp. "I know you've been worrying about him," she continued softly, "but the last report you got said that he was awake and asking when he could leave, so I'm sure he won't be there too much longer." Liara gently tipped Shepard's head back to rinse the shampoo from her hair, fingers still carefully combing through it, gently working out any tangles. She radiated love and reassurance through their bond, knowing that even without a meld Shepard would be able to feel it. "We're about due for a supply run… We could do it at the Citadel and you could check on him and Ash."
"It's a good idea," Shepard agreed, and smiled down at Liara before she leaned in to kiss her. "Thank you."
"Mhm," Liara echoed Shepard's earlier sentiment teasingly and sucked the human's lower lips into her mouth, nibbling lightly. She was rewarded by Shepard's sharp intake of breath and both arms tightening around her. She looked up at her bondmate, studying her face, noting the dark circles under her eyes. "I saw the empty stim bottle on your desk… When's the last time you slept, Krae?"
Shepard at least had the decency to look abashed. "I… don't know. Two, three days? The nightmares, and…" Her voice trailed off.
"And I've been busy with the network," Liara finished.
"It's not your fault," Shepard protested. "There's just… so much that needs to be done, and I'm guessing you haven't really slept either."
"I haven't," Liara confirmed, "but it's not an excuse for either of us. We won't do anyone any good if we're making mistakes because of exhaustion." She pulled Shepard's head down to hers,and they rested their foreheads against each other, just enjoying the nearness for a few moments. "We'll make the time to rest. Together. Deal?"
"Deal," Shepard agreed, and kissed her again.
Liara reached behind her and turned the water off, then snagged a couple of towels from the rack. Drying each other off turned into teasing touches and stolen kisses, and soon they were both in bed, safely cocooned under the blankets and in each other's arms. They slipped into the meld easily, lines between you and me blurring and turning into us, and they both took comfort in it, soothing away fears and replacing them with dreams of better things. Only when they both fell asleep did their souls separate again. And when they dreamed, it was of each other.
The buzzing of her omni-tool woke Shepard the next morning, and she had to stretch her arm up and around Liara to answer it since the asari was nestled into her shoulder.
James's voice crackled out of it before Shepard even had a chance to speak. "Hey, Lola… You left your hoodie down here last night. If you want it back you're gonna have to fight me for it."
Sleepy blue eyes blinked up at her in amusement, and Shepard gave her bondmate an affectionate smile before answering the taunt. "You're dead, Vega. Don't say I didn't warn you." She ended the call before he could reply, and let her head flop back against the pillow. "And now I'm gonna have to go kick his ass before I even get to eat breakfast."
"Mm." Liara propped herself up on one arm, looking down at Shepard. "Maybe you should give him some time to let the threat sink in," she suggested, running a hand down Shepard's side suggestively.
Shepard grinned, pulling Liara down on top of her. "I like the way you think."