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"Good to see you back in one piece," Cayde said as Wren approached him in the hanger. With everyone around he wasn't willing to greet her with more than a gentle stroke down the back of her arm. "The Twins said you messed up your Sparrow real bad and need it repaired."

"Yeah some Cabal wrecked it on Mars. Franz and Beorn were going to help me but Ikora called the out this morning for some research mission or something."

"Makes ya glad to be a Hunter huh? I'll never call you at dawn to sit in a library all day. Unless it's a punishment. So let's see that Sparrow."

Kiran transmat the Sparrow in and Cayde's smile faded to see the mangled metal and scorched sides. He let out a long, low whistle and put his fists on his hips. A shadow crossed his face and she wondered where his mind had gone. He didn't say much as he hooked the Sparrow up to chains to lift it from the floor and even when he was done he still had a far off look in his eye.

"Cayde?"

"Hm? Sorry, Sugarbird. Just uh… thinkin' about what we need." He walked away to view the Sparrow closer. "Not gonna lie, kid, we're not getting' this thing up and running today. The fuel tanks are shot, left thruster is missing, plating on the side over here is shredded. I'll need to order a new one from Holliday."

"How long will it take?"

"Dunno. A week maybe? With you being part of Cerulean I'm sure Zavala will put you on a rush list for parts. He say anything about when your fireteam might be leaving again?" He pushed his stool toward her.

"Not yet. I heard some Hunters had to be quarantined for SIVA," she said quietly, trying to keep the conversation between them. She hopped up onto the stool.

Cayde glanced around, the stepped closer, fidgeting with an oil rag. "We've had a few. They went into the Cosmodrone while it was under restriction. I have some scouts patrolling to ensure no one else is infected but…" he looked away.

"What's going on?"

"The borders are growing. SIVA is pushing farther and farther across the Cosmodrone and my patrols are stretched thin. This virus is bound to get a lot worse before it gets better."

"You're worried."

"I told ya before I was afraid. Ain't changed."

"It scares me when you say that. I look to your for…" Wren caught herself and clenched her jaw. She needed him to be strong, but she knew it wasn't fair to him to demand that strength.

"Hey," he said, leaning a little closer until she had no choice but to stare him in the eye. "I'd do damn near anything for my Hunters. But for all I'd do for them, I'd do twice as much for you. I'm scared as hell to have you out there, but I also have to trust in your abilities and your team. I may not like sendin' you out there with this… this SIVA crap, but if push came to shove I'd go out myself before I sent you."

"I'm conflicted," Wren admitted. "I want to be out there. I want to be on the front lines with Cerulean. But I feel like something's coming and it makes me not want to leave the City. I've never felt like that before. Not even in the face of Oryx. I might have wanted to come home and I might have had bad feelings about what was happening, but I wasn't afraid to leave."

"We're gonna overcome this, kid."

Wren nodded, but she wasn't convinced. She couldn't fight the fear that grew in the pit of her stomach, but she couldn't explain it either.

"Now, let's get things started with this hunk a junk you brought me."

He sat on the floor and Wren got down beside him, sitting cross-legged while he laid on his back and slid under the Sparrow.

"Hand me that wrench on the bottom rack. Red tape on the handle, big knick on the back… yeah that one."

Wren grabbed the wrench and handed it over, but not before remembering the tools in the cache with the red tape. "You know you can just tell me you need a half inch."

"Sorry," he chuckled. "I forgot how much time you spend in the hanger with the Twins. They teach you anything worthwhile?"

"Only where to get those special parts you have on your Sparrow," she smirked, flipping a screwdriver like a knife. She glanced at him when the wrench clattered to the floor and he quickly peered out at her.

"Don't you say a word."

"And what do I get for my silence?"

"Whatever you want, just don't tell Holliday. Or big blue. Or… ya know, just don't tell anyone." He slid under the Sparrow again and Wren thought about it.

"Anything I want?"

"Anything. You want some ramen? Sure thing. You want round two of what happened in my ship, I'd gladly oblige."

Wren's cheeks burned and she gave him a playful kick. "Shut up you."

"Ya know what, I think that's enough to buy your silence. I think we're more than even now."

"I dunno," Wren sighed, leaning back onto her palms. "Cuz I also know about the extra parts on your ship that you acquired from a certain Exo near the East Gate."

"Alright alright, what do you want then?" He planted his feet and pushed, struggling with a bolt. "Damn this thing is stuck. I must have put these on here. Hand me that oil in there, would ya? Stubborn son of a bitch won't beat me."

"Can I… could you tell me more about the Queen of Hearts?"

Cayde grunted. "I already told ya, she was a pretty blonde thing with an attitude and a stubborn streak a mile wide. She kept me straight. Not much else to say."

Now Wren knew something was up. "Blonde?"

"Yeah." He held out a hand full of bolts for her to grab. "Keep up with these. And take this damn thing," he said, handing over the wrench. "Can I get that hand torch?"

"Sure," Wren replied, handing it over to him. She sat for a moment and stared at the wrench in her palm, red tape broken and dirty with grease. "Cayde?"

"Hm?"

"Is Holliday your Queen?"

Cayde sat up so fast he smacked his head on the bottom of the Sparrow, the loud ding followed by a stream of curses as he slid out from under the vehicle and sat up. "What are you talking about? Holliday?" he sounded confused, but his optics were focusing and refocusing. "I told you my Queen was from when I was human. She's been dead a long time."

"I know but… I'm confused because last time you said she had brown hair and the way you described her isn't the same and…" Wren glanced back at the wrench in her hand and Cayde stiffened.

"You went through my cache," he said, his voice low.

"I… I didn't think it would be a big deal and I wanted to know—"

"You could have asked. What were you thinkin' going through my stuff?"

"I didn't think you'd tell me if I came right out and asked about her."

"So snooping is a better option?" He raised his voice and a few mechanics from nearby started watching.

Wren's face flushed and her throat stung. "Well I'm asking you now and you're outright lying to me. So you either don't actually remember her, or you don't want me knowing who she is."

"I can't believe you'd do something like that."

"I'm sorry Cayde I—"

"I think you should go."

"What are you hiding?"

"I said you need to leave," he shot. "You don't know what you're talkin' about."

Wren's hands shook and the eyes of the mechanics on her was overwhelming. They were watching. Staring. Her heart beat a mile a minute and her throat was closing up. There was no way in hell she was going to cry in front of them.

"You're right." Wren stood, dropping the bolts and wrench into the bottom drawer of his toolbox. Let him have fun fishing through to find what he needed. "I don't know what I'm talking about and you're obviously not ready to tell me. So you know what? Keep your damn secrets Cayde. I don't need this."

She turned on her heel and stormed off, leaving her angry Vanguard and the prying eyes of mechanics far behind.

If only her own anger could remain. By the time she got to the courtyard the rage had fizzled out and she became heavy with guilt. What had she been thinking? Going through his things, only to push him toward an answer he wasn't ready to give.

Kiran floated beside her. "Well, that went well," he said, trying to sound cheerful but the line fell flat. "What do we do now?"

"I don't know. I knew what I did was wrong and I knew he'd be mad but… I don't like knowing he's angry with me. Don't get me wrong, I still think he's hiding something but I don't think this was the way to get to the bottom of it. Maybe I'll… I don't know. I need to apologize but I don't think he's ready to hear it right now."

"Maybe you're right. Why don't we go into the City and find something nice for him. He gives you stuff all the time, might be a nice gesture to give him something in return."

"Like what? I have no idea what he even likes besides illegal Sparrow racing, gambling, and ramen." She started toward the elevators. "Wait… the Ace. His old holster has been looking pretty bad lately. Doesn't get used enough and the leather looks like its cracking. Maybe a new holster would be good."

"I think that would be a fantastic gift," Kiran spun. "And I know just the craftsman to do it for you."

"Alright, lead the way."

The holster was beyond what she hoped for. The supple leather had been engraved with a simple but rustic design that Wren felt fit with Cayde's style. On in inside where the holster sat against the thigh, was a spade and a heart with the points touching. It wasn't requested, the craftsman had taken it upon himself to do and at first Wren's cheeks burned as she ran her thumb across it. He smiled at her knowingly and she praised his work and paid him.

"I wasn't expecting that add on," she said when she and Kiran were away from the leatherworker's stall. "I'm not sure how he'll react to that. All things considered…"

"Well, you did say you wanted to tell him how you feel."

"I know, but not now. Not when all of this is looming overhead. I need to apologize first. If he's even willing to listen."

"The weather is supposed to be nice tonight," Kiran said, drifting between people as they wove between civilians at stalls piled high with wares. "Maybe you should get some spicy ramen and a pretty new dress and ask him to meet you on the roof."

"You want me to ask him on a date?"

"No, just dinner."

"With a gift and a new dress," Wren raised a brow and Kiran spun in that way he did when he was amused but didn't want to laugh.

"I can send Sundance a message and just say that you want to apologize if he'll give you the chance. We can get everything else and wait and see what happens."

"I don't like this." Wren found a place in a small square to sit down at the edge of a fountain. Half of the top had broken off and water splashed outside the bounds of the basin on the other side and children were running around, playing in it. "Maybe I'm making a mistake."

"With what?" Kiran settled on her knee and she stroked his shell absently with her thumb.

"Everything around Cayde has been hard. It's been a battle from day one. I knew I didn't want to be with Koro, that one was easy. When he said he cared about me, I immediately knew it wasn't what I wanted. That I didn't feel the same way."

"But you do for Cayde and you feel like you're not supposed to."

"Something like that."

"It's easier now that it ever has been though," Kiran reminded. "Emelie is off your back, Flak is locked up, and the other Hunters finally accept you for the fantastic member to their ranks that you are. The only thing stopping you now is yourself."

"You're forgetting about Ikora and Zavala. Who's to say they'd be okay with it?"

"I think you're afraid and trying to talk yourself out of it," Kiran said flatly. "It's not against the rules for a Vanguard to be involved with a Guardian."

"But it's taboo."

Kiran sighed. "Only because he's in a position of authority over you. But he doesn't treat you like that and he doesn't use his power against you. I don't see a problem with it and if you think Cayde does, then you need to think about how he is with Zavala and Ikora. He doesn't exactly play by their rules."

Wren smirked. "True."

"So, you want me to send the message to Sundance?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Good because I already did. Now let's get you a cute new dress and some food and we're ready!"

"Sneaky little—"

"Ah, no no, don't go there. You love me and you know it."

Wren paced the roof of the Tower, golden flats long abandoned near a blanket and food that had gone cold. Her stockinged feet were freezing against the rooftop, but it only kept her moving. She chewed her nails, a habit she'd not exhibited before but as she'd cracked her knuckles until they were sore, fidgeted with the sleeve hems of her new dress to the point of wearing a thread loose, and was tempted to crack open the bottle of wine and down it by herself, nail biting was all she had left.

The problem was, Cayde never actually replied to Kiran's message. Sundance said she'd pass it along, and Wren believed her, but she couldn't make Cayde show up.

"I don't think he's coming," Wren said.

"He's Vanguard. Maybe he got caught up with something," Kiran tried to soothe.

"It's been an hour since the time you gave him to meet me."

"I know but—"

"Forget it," she sighed, heading to the railing overlooking the wilds.

She peered over her shoulder to the picnic she'd set up, with a blanket from the den, some Chinese lanterns that flickered red from the wind that threatened to extinguish their flames, and a basket with cannisters of ramen, sweet cakes, chocolates, dumplings, and a bottle of wine. She didn't have an appetite anymore. And the box in the middle, wrapped in parchment paper didn't help.

"It was foolish of me to think he'd want to talk about what happened," she sighed, sitting so her legs dangled over the edge of the Tower. She leaned her arms against the rail, feeling a gust of icy air on her face. Her dress was long and thick, made to withstand the coming winter, but it did little good up here. A chill raced up her legs with a stinging sensation.

"I'm sorry," Kiran said, resting on her shoulder. "I never should have gotten your hopes up before he even accepted the offer. I just didn't think he'd refuse…"

"I know. I was afraid he wouldn't come but now that it's happening… it's worse than I thought. I don't know how to rectify this. I can storm into a Cabal fortress right now and clear it but this? I'm lost."

"He'll come around."

Wren watched a few lazy snowflakes pass, reflecting back the pale glow of the lanterns and moonlight. She held out a hand and let them land on her palm, melting immediately. The scene blurred as tears formed and she squeezed her eyes tight.

"Let's go home," Kiran nudged, but Wren didn't move.

It was as if her body weighted more than she could manage to carry. All this for a chance to peek into his personal life. It wasn't fair. What was she expected to do? She knew next to nothing about him and when she asks he lies or avoids entirely. What she did was wrong, she was fully aware of that, but what about him?

"Gold's a good color on you."

Wren's head whipped around at the comment which fell from Cayde's mouth without sincerity. It was just a statement, nothing more.

"What's all this?" he asked, motioning to the picnic while she quickly wiped her eyes and sniffled. She couldn't get to her feet fast enough and smoothed her dress as she took a few steps closer.

"I wanted to apologize."

He glanced at her, then crossed his arms and look up at snow clouds that were moving in, threatening to block out the moon. A few flakes fluttered down to land on his face but melted instantly and sat there in tiny glistening drops.

"I didn't think you were coming," Wren said.

"I wasn't going to," he admitted.

Wren dropped her head to stare at her hands, clasped in front of her. "Oh."

"No I just… it's not you. Not really." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't do this kinda thing. Don't get me wrong, I ain't thrilled you went through my cache but…"

Sundance whirred and Cayde sighed. She vanished in a flash and Kiran followed.

"I knew my Queen would come up some day, I'm not ready for it right now. But I also know that if I don't talk about her, it'll create distance between us that just ain't worth it, kid."

"I don't want to force you into anything."

"You're not. Truth is, I'd never be ready. So... what do you wanna know? I'll try to answer everything best I can."

Wren hesitated, then sat at the edge of the blanket she'd brought. She shivered at the sensation of the cold fabric but tucked her feet under her skirts to ward off some of the chill.

"It's not hot anymore," she said, referring to the food.

"It's fine." He sat across from her, the red light of the lanterns reflecting from the plates of his face. He looked at the spread, but didn't reach for anything so Wren decided to collect her thoughts and ask the first question.

"Your Queen… she was your wife before you were an Exo, right?"

"Yeah."

"And you read the journal. Her name was Dovie."

He nodded but he glanced away, just enough for Wren to sense uncertainty.

"Cayde, when I asked you the first time I already knew what was in the journal and what you said wasn't like the drawings of the woman I saw. Then when I asked you again, it was wildly different. Why did you lie to me?"

"It's complicated," he sighed. "You gotta promise me this never leaves this roof." The way his optics seemed to intensify, the way his gaze bore through her, she knew he was serious.

Wren extended a hand, pinkie out.

Cayde's expression softened, and he hooked his pinkie in hers.

"The Queen isn't just one person. I mean, she kind of is? I don't remember Dovie. Seeing those drawings of her was like getting hit by a tank. Until then, the only thing I saw when I thought of my wife was a blurry face, the vague image of a woman with no real form or feature. And it changed all the time but I felt…" he put his fist to his chest and inhaled deeply. "I must have loved her with everything I had to not remember her face but to still want. Sometimes I miss her so much it hurts. Always been like that. Don't give me that look, kid. I don't miss her when I'm with you. Don't go plannin' to toss me off the Tower." He smirked.

"And the different physical descriptions of her you told me about?"

"It's because I don't really remember her. See, I had to make use of that pain or it'd put me under a long time ago. So I made her what I needed her to be. A beacon in the storm, so to speak. She's kept me straight all these years. I'm a good man because I wanna make her proud. And Ace. I wanna be a man that'd make them proud."

"How did you know I'd looked in the cache?"

"Couple things. I was already suspicious when you kept bringin' up the Queen but when I saw the way you were eyeing that wrench with the tape, that put me over. 'Course I didn't know for sure that you had, but it was too close for comfort."

"The wrench was Holliday's."

"It was."

"What about all that stuff in the cache. None of it made sense except for the journal."

Cayde smiled bitterly, then stood and held out a hand for her. "That's where it gets complicated and I don't know if you're gonna like what I have to say."

Wren took his hand and stood. He led her to the railing and the pair of them looked out over the wilds for a time. Snow was picking up a little and the wind from below was getting harsher. A white blanket had begun to cover the forest floor farther away and soon it would snow more heavily at the Tower. Wren shivered.

"I've been a Guardian for a long time," Cayde said at last. "Been in a few relationships in that time. Been in a few complicated situations too. Most of the time it ended alright. Good enough in some cases that we're still friends."

"That explains some of the stuff in the cache." Wren gripped the railing, teeth chattering. She felt sick at her stomach. Holliday's tools, Ikora's notes, items from some woman named Maya, not to mention the other things in the box.

"I didn't have relationships with all of them," he said, as if he could read her mind. "Some of them I just really admire. I take traits from them that inspire me and that's what makes up the Queen. I know now that she was real and Ace was real, which is better that I've known so far, but I still don't actually know who Dovie is. In my head, the Queen is the best of all the people in that cache. She's every person I've ever loved, cared about, or looked up to."

Wren nodded but it was sobering to hear. How could she possibly compete against the memory of a person that was his idea of perfection? Cayde grabbed his cloak, opening it to her.

"So what do you say?" he asked. "Can I still call you Sugarbird or would you rather walk away now?"

Wren took a step back. "This is a lot."

Cayde's shoulders dropped. He stared at Wren as she retrieved the package from the picnic blanket and handed it over.

"It would be stupid for me to be angry with you for being in relationships. That wasn't really what this was about. It was about being able to trust you to tell me the truth. I'm sorry I went through your cache."

Cayde opened the holster and Wren held her breath, anxious of how he'd respond to finding the heart and spade. He studied the holster in silence, drawing his fingers across the details, pausing when he reached the design on the back. He smirked.

"Might be hard," he said. "but I'm going to do my best to be honest with you. So I guess we're back on good terms?"

Wren smiled and nodded.

"Good. Now get in here. It's freezing." He opened his arms and Wren gladly accepted.