The next days extended along in front of them like a long string of heavy molasses. Everyone was busy, yet none of the busyness seemed to truly matter. Erak and Svengal kept order among the Skandians, keeping fights down to a minimum and doling out food and medical supplies as fairly as possible. It was a strange sight, watching the huge half-giants relearn how to eat and treat their wounds after so many years of not needing to.
On the demigod side, Cassandra and Horace were usually among the Skandians, helping them. It was a strange twist of fate, the princess and knight of a country helping the country's attackers and pillagers, but Cassandra found that she did not mind. It was work, after all - work to take her mind off everything. And as she healed the Skandians, a small part of her was healed as well.
Unfortunately, the same could not be said of Alyss.
Alyss was spiraling further and further each day, and everyone was powerless to stop it. Even Cassandra, Alyss' closest - best - friend, not just there but in the whole world, was useless. Anytime Cassandra approached Alyss, suggesting a break or a nap or even food, Alyss would just smile the smile she'd learned from Pauline and cleverly evade the situation.
"We have a lot to do," she would say, "finding a way to get all these Skandians back to America in time to help the war. I'll take a break later, I promise."
If Cassandra had a drachma for every one of those promises Alyss had made and then broken, she'd be able to make 3 IMs a day for the foreseeable future, with drachmas to spare.
In all fairness, Alyss wasn't wrong. She never outright lied. Transporting the Skandians across the ocean from Greece to America was a big problem. She had made multiple IMs in the past few days about it, apparently trying to curry favors up in Olympus. Cassandra had considered making some calls herself, but the few connections she had would not be able to solve the problem.
It was one such day of boring, menial work and worrying about Alyss and desperately trying to forget everything else that they finally had a breakthrough. It was several days after they had escaped Tartarus - Cassandra was not keeping track of exactly how many, mostly because she could not bear to. Alyss, for the first time since Tartarus, approached her first.
"We have a way of getting back," she said without preamble, looking at least satisfied, if not happy. That was the most (genuine) positive emotion Cassandra had seen from her in days, so she'd take it. "I've been speaking with my mentor, Lady Pauline, and she said that the Diplomats aren't able to help us. But she used to work for a different caste in Olympus, Iris' Messengers. She was able to draw on some connections there. They said that they were willing to transport all of us via rainbow."
Cassandra frowned, hesitant. "Is that... safe? I mean, none of us are at all trained to deal with that, not to mention the Skandians aren't even demigods."
"It'll be fine," Alyss said. "I asked, and they all assured me that the worst thing that'd happen is some nausea, maybe some concussions or something similar, but nothing lasting. In any case, it's not like we can afford to be picky. I've talked to Chiron, and he told me that things aren't going well over there."
Cassandra's mouth pinched. "How bad?"
"The Temujai have organized into full armies by now. We've taken the Doors back now, but they were able to amass such a force beforehand that they have more than enough to destroy the whole of America if they wanted to. They've been attacking cities indiscriminately. It's all our forces can do to keep civilian casualties down. Usually, monsters don't care too much about attacking humans, but... Temujai just seem to want to destroy the whole world. Not to mention, as intelligent as they are, they're able to lead other groups of monsters as well, coordinating their attacks. It's a full-scale war over there, Cassie. And we're losing."
Cassandra's fists clenched. How unfair that was, she thought bitterly. After all they'd gone through - after what had happened to Will - and on the other side of Tartarus, there was no reprieve, just more suffering.
"How soon will we be able to go?" she asked. "And where will we be going? You make it sound like we're needed everywhere."
Alyss dipped her head gravely. "Yes, but remember what we got from that Tem'uj we took hostage?"
It'd be hard not to remember that. Cassandra nodded once, fidgeting.
Alyss looked away briefly, then sighed. "I asked Lady Pauline and she was able to confirm that, indeed, a large part of the monster forces are converging on Los Angeles."
Cassandra grimaced. "Where the Underworld is."
"We'll most likely be transported near there, wherever they decide the best point is. As for the time, we'll be moving out mid-afternoon tomorrow so that we arrive in California at a reasonable time."
Cassandra pulled a face. "Right, the time difference. What is it, anyway? 8 hours? 9?"
"10, I think," Alyss said, "and I think we're ahead of them. Anyway, it's getting late. We should probably get some sleep. There's a lot to be done tomorrow."
Cassandra nodded. Alyss went to move away, but Cassandra reached out, fingertips brushing over Alyss' arm.
Alyss stiffened, turning back. "Yes?"
"Alyss..." Cassandra frowned. She felt trapped, not knowing what to say to help Alyss. She'd already said everything she could think of - please rest, I'm here for you, I'll bring you anything you need, do you want to talk about it? - but nothing had seemed to work.
She sighed. "Never mind. Just... take care of yourself, okay?"
For a moment she thought Alyss was about to smile and murmur her usual, fake platitudes. But something in Alyss' cold, calm expression suddenly softened and she reached out towards Cassandra, linking hands with her.
"I will try," she said quietly. "There's a war to win, after all."
"You're worth more than a war."
"Am I?" Alyss shook her head. "Not when so much has..."
She sighed. She squeezed Cassandra's hand.
"You take care of yourself, too. Goodnight."
"Goodnight," Cassandra said, watching as her friend turned her back on her once more.
The final preparations to leave finished right on time. Cassandra let her tired body sag down on a small stack of provisions, wiping away the sweat on her brow as she took in the area around her. Although they didn't have much food - they had had little to start with, their only supplies coming from quick forays out from the House of Hades into the mortal cities nearby and not lasting long with an army of hungry Skandians - they had carefully packed what food they had, along with the medical supplies they had found from the monster camps.
"Tired?" came Horace's voice, in sync with his footsteps as he walked up to her. Cassandra looked up, managing a small smile when she met his eyes. She reached out a hand and he took it gently, intertwining their fingers together as he sat down next to her.
"Torsten's training sessions never get easier," she groused good-naturedly. The large Skandian - one of Erak's trusted men - had decided, against Cassandra's own will, that she needed to be taught better self-defense skills. "A seiðkona must know how to defend herself" he'd said, and despite protesting that she wasn't a seiðkona - just its Greek equivalent - she had ended up training anyway.
"I know what you mean," Horace said. "Being expected to fight Erak one-on-one is really not fun."
She giggled. "It just means Erak sees potential in you."
Horace made a face.
She laughed again, subconsciously leaning into Horace, and the two of them were quiet for a little. These quiet moments where it was just her and Horace, no one else around to disturb them, were the only thing keeping her sane anymore. Yet even the peace and tranquility afforded by Horace's quiet presence and determined protection wasn't always enough.
"Have you talked to Alyss today?"
Cassandra sighed. She had hoped to avoid the topic. "Have you?"
"Well... I said good morning?"
"My knight, as courteous as ever," Cassandra said. It came out flirtier than she had intended, and she didn't need to look up to know he was blushing.
"Well I- it's just, I was taught to-"
"You're adorable," Cassandra said, giggling as Horace sputtered out a litany of indignant, incoherent sentences. Finally, Horace settled on,
"If I'm adorable, what's that make you?"
"I dunno," she said dryly, "what does it make me?"
She turned her head to meet Horace's gaze, still flustered but filled with that familiar gentleness that made her heart swell.
"Beautiful, for starters," he said.
Both of them froze. Wide brown eyes met green and Cassandra wasn't sure who pulled away faster - herself or Horace.
"I- uh," Horace said quickly, stammering, "just mean that, uh, as a knight, who's uh, loyal to his princess-"
Loyalty. Yes. Loyalty, respect, honor - those were the only things Horace could give to her. Both now and in the future. Cassandra wasn't stable enough for more now, and later, her kingdom would not allow for more.
"Of course, of course," Cassandra said, trying to keep her composure but not able to keep her tone even or her hands still. "No need to apologize, I get it."
"Right. Right."
They were quiet again, this time an awkward one. Cassandra wracked her brain for any sort of conversation starter that would break the silence, when Horace broke it for her.
"Uh... back to Alyss, I was going to ask if you could check up on her."
Cassandra's expression tightened. "As though I don't already?"
She heard Horace sigh next to her and resisted the urge to mirror it. "I know you do," he said, "and I know... I know it must be exhausting, when you're not exactly... yourself, either. But, you know... at least we have each other, Cassie."
Yes. As much as it sometimes hurt more than helped, knowing that Horace would not - could not - be by her side forever, at least not in the way she wished... she did still have someone.
"She would have us if she just let herself," Cassandra muttered. "It's not my fault she doesn't want to."
"I know," Horace said again. He sighed. "Look, you know I'm no good with - all your complicated weird emotional stuff. It just seems to me that, well, she's having a tough time and... even if she doesn't respond the way you want, maybe that's not the point. Maybe it's just enough for her to know you still care."
Cassandra groaned, burying her face in her hands. "Fine, fine. You're right. I'll go talk to her. Again."
She stood, stretching her sore muscles and almost cracking her jaw with a yawn. "I'll be back soon. I hope."
It took her a few minutes, but she finally found Alyss. She was sitting by herself on the outskirts of the camp, tucked under a half-ruined building. Cassandra almost missed her entirely. She approached slowly, not sure what sort of mood Alyss would be in. Whenever she was around others, that practiced mask was always up, the one that never allowed Cassandra to extract the slightest real answer. But being out here, alone, Cassandra wondered if Alyss might not have the energy for the mask anymore - or the incentive to care.
"Hey, Alyss," Cassandra called softly as she got within a few feet of her, not wanting to startle her.
Alyss barely moved, which either meant she hadn't heard Cassandra or she'd already known she was here. Cassandra moved closer, tilting her head in confusion as she got a better look at her friend. Alyss was staring at her hands. Cassandra took another step, trying to discern why that was. Alyss was hardly one for vanity, and after Tartarus, no one's nails looked good.
As Cassandra took another step, Alyss looked up. Her face was drawn and drained, just like it had been ever since they'd gotten out of Tartarus. Cassandra wasn't sure if Alyss would ever rest again, at least not until they had defeated Morgarath and Gaia. If they defeated them. Cassandra was trying not to think about that if.
"Are you alright?" Cassandra asked, then bit her lip. That had to be one of the dumbest questions she could've asked. She opened her mouth to reword her question, but Alyss answered before she could.
"I will manage." She looked down at her hand again. She was quiet for a moment, then murmured, "I got this... down in Tartarus."
Cassandra sat down next to her friend, looking at the indicated hand. At first she couldn't see what Alyss was talking about. Alyss tilted her hand towards Cassandra, and then she saw her thumbnail - or what was left of it. She winced, letting out a sympathetic noise. It looked like part of Alyss' nail had been completely ripped off, deep enough that it would never grow back. It was no longer bleeding, but the flesh was raw and ugly, and Cassandra wondered if Alyss had even bothered to clean it. Despite being demigods, they were still vulnerable to infections and sepsis. She went to ask Alyss about it, but Alyss spoke first.
"Do you wish to know how?" she asked quietly, as the silence dragged on. "I can tell you're curious."
Cassandra flushed at being caught out, but nodded. "If it's not too painful to talk about."
Alyss half-smiled at that. There had been a time where Alyss' smiles had been a thing of beauty and light - the kind of smile everyone loved. This just hurt to watch. "It is painful. But I think... some pains are meant to be shared."
Alyss went quiet for a few seconds. Finally she nodded, as if to herself. "I got it because of Will."
Cassandra couldn't quite withhold her gasp. Alyss smiled at her, wry but genuine. "It's alright. I'm not so fragile that I can't talk about him without breaking."
"How... how did...?"
"When I tried to get to Will from the elevator..." Alyss paused, gathering her thoughts. It was strange to see the normally composed young woman searching for the right words. "Erak was holding me back, as you know. I was trying to pull free, but I had gotten my thumb stuck in one of the crevices of his armor. When I jerked it out... some of the nail stayed behind. I'll never get that part of my nail back again."
She sighed heavily, still staring down at her finger. "That's the price I paid for trying to bring Will back."
Cassandra laid a hand on top of Alyss' injured one, careful not to touch the wound.
"You know," Alyss continued after a moment, "I would've given the whole rest of my nail in a heartbeat if it meant I could have reached him in time. I would've - I would've given my thumb, my hand, my entire arm to bring him back safely. Even a lost limb could not possibly hurt more than this."
I'm sorry. The words hovered at the tip of Cassandra's tongue. She didn't speak them. What good would an apology do for this?
"I miss him," Alyss said after another moment. "Even though we didn't spend that long together, I knew him. And he knew me."
A deep pit of anguish opened up in Cassandra's heart, not just for Will but for Alyss. Seeing her friend in such grief was ripping her own heart out, and she wished with deep-seated desperation that she could do something, anything, to alleviate Alyss' pain.
I'm sorry, came the unspoken words again. I'm so sorry.
Cassandra drew an arm around her friend, pulling her wordlessly into a hug. Alyss let her. She turned to Cassandra, burying her face in Cassandra's shoulder. A moment later, her frame began to shake. Cassandra held her there for long moments, staring off into the cold, dead cavern around them and wishing more than anything that this had never happened.
"I miss him," Alyss said again after awhile, when her sobs had lessened but not ended. Her voice was shaky like a person's always was when trying not to cry. "I miss him, Cassie."
Cassandra had nothing to say. She only held Alyss tighter.
"I miss him. I miss him so much... why did he have to die?"
"I don't know," Cassandra said softly, running a hand over Alyss' hair. "I don't know."
"I wish..." Alyss' voice broke. "I wish... I wish he were still alive."
"I wish he was, too," Cassandra said softly. "I wish he was, too."
But he was not.
A/N: Was that depressing enough for ya? Yes? Yeah, I agree.
This might be the last of my weekly updates, although I'm not quite sure. The next chapter isn't finished yet, so it'll depend on if I end up finishing it before next week (and satisfactorily enough to publish). I do want to get it out relatively soon, though. The next chapter will be when things start to pick up again, so stay tuned!