"...and that's why I really don't think it's a good idea…?"

"Shut the fuck up already, your constant nagging is giving me a headache."

Levi knocked briskly at the double door they had arrived at. No answer. Turning his head a little to the side, he leaned in closer - and could hear indistinct muttering and some telltale rustling on the other side. He knocked again, this time louder. Still no answer.

"See? I told you she doesn't want…"

Annoyed, Levi pushed open the door. Hanji, her hair a spectacular mess, was standing in the middle of an even greater chaos than two days ago, a pencil behind one ear and another between her teeth.

"Hanji," Levi addressed her, suppressing a shudder. The sight before him was like a major déjà-vu - only that the situation had gotten much worse.

Still no reaction. Hanji's face was glued to a sheet of paper she seemed to be trying to read. Why did she not light any lamps? The weather outside was gloomy, grey and heavy rain clouds had moved in earlier from the West.

"Hanji!" Levi said louder.

She startled and swiveled around, knocking over one of the larger piles in the process. The top part slid away sideways, escaping her hands that shot forward to prevent the worst, and the entirety disintegrated right after. Levi winced. Hanji frowned at who stood behind him and spat the pencil out of her mouth.

"Levi, what… is that Maria?"

"Told you so," Maria muttered darkly, "she hates me."

Not paying the blonde woman any attention, Levi moved forward gingerly so as to not step on scattered documents and other objects such as binders or hole punchers and… was that a shoe?!

"Hanji, Maria will be your new assistant."

Hanji stared at him. Her visible eye was bloodshot. With a frown at the sorry sight before him Levi wondered whether Hanji had slept at all since he had last seen her. He had brought her back to headquarters two nights ago at a decent hour, her and the brats, a happy bunch of giggling drunks who had temporarily managed to forget that the world was a shitty place. Apparently, he should have put her into bed personally and with force if necessary, Levi thought, instead of just accompanying her to the door of her quarters. A door she had slammed in his face after looking at him very intensely for a moment. In case he'd get the wrong idea, of course. Which he had not gotten. Of course not. No ideas at all about Hanji and himself dancing together like… like back then. About a closeness that overwhelmed him, a closeness he craved and at the same time...

He stood a little straighter to glare at her. It was good he was leaving. Staying away from her still was his best defense - his only defense.

Something new appeared in Hanji's bloodshot eye while he contemplated slammed doors and several sleepless nights in which thoughts about her had plagued him. With a bit of a surprise, he recognized the new expression as anger. Had he done something wrong? Uhm… he had not spent any time with women recently. In fact, he had not even looked at other women longer than necessary. Not that he was even tempted, he had other things on his mind. So… what could it be?

"Maria! Are - You - Serious?"

Levi frowned. "Yes, of course I'm serious. She will help you get a grip on... all this while I'm gone." He made a vague gesture with his hand. It began with documents in this office. It ended with meetings upon meetings to be had with the other commanders. No, wrong… it wouldn't end anywhere. This was merely the beginning and it would get much worse.

With a brisk motion of her head, Hanji got him to follow her to the side of the room. She didn't pay any attention to what crumbled or crunched underneath her booted feet.

"I have no time for shit like this," she told him under her breath. "Are you trying to mock me?"

Frankly, Levi had expected resistance - it was only natural, accepting someone to help her after Moblit, who had dedicated his entire life to fit perfectly into that role, was not going to be easy - but he had not expected this much hostility. He threw a look over his shoulder at Maria, who still stood at the door looking a little lost, her hands nervously twisting her brown skirts. She was no longer a child who had grown breasts too early but a woman who had grasped at a second chance with both hands and had managed to escape the hellhole by sheer tenacity. This was a good choice.

"What's the problem?"

"Maria is from the Underground."

Irritated, Levi scowled. "So am I. Besides, she's been living in Trost for years now. She got married to a baker."

"She had a part to play in…," Hanji's gaze flitted to his face, then away. "In the Uprising."

"So did you and me," Levi said gruffly.

They were not seriously going to discuss that? He did not want to dwell on the past, couldn't allow himself to, however strong its pull or its frequent attempt to trap the mind and force it to account for bygone decisions. No regrets, one of the key lessons he had learned from Erwin at the very beginning of their acquaintance. Memories of regret dulled future decisions. Every decision had to be taken freely, without the weight of regret. Let Erwin die. Let Armin live. Do not think about it, it's done.

"I don't trust her," Hanji said loudly so that Maria could hear. "She never told us why she and Annika were working together back then."

Maria's pout deepened and she threw Levi a challenging look. "Hedging my bets," Maria said. "Making sure I'd survive however the chips would fall. It's what we people in the Underground do, isn't it, Levi?"

It was. But no, they were not going to discuss what had happened five years ago because it did not matter now.

"She will help you sort this stuff," Levi told Hanji, "and then she'll take you to a doctor later."

Hanji took a step towards him. "I thought I told you not to meddle?"

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You do not order me around and tell me how to lead my life," she snapped. "Have you forgotten I'm your Commander? It's not the other way round. I decide - you follow orders."

Levi lifted his eyebrows at her. Huh? Was she serious?

"Do you have a problem with that?" She challenged him aggressively.

"Not at all, Commander Hange," Levi said evenly though he felt like walking out the door this instant, slamming it for good measure. "Maybe I misunderstood something," kinda bound to happen when someone tells you you're all they have left. "But I must insist. Maria has agreed to help. And you need to see another doctor, Commander. You didn't even hear me knock."

"Well, that's 'agreed'," Maria corrected him snippy, painting huge air quotes into the air with her fingers. "He bludgeoned me into it. I knew you wouldn't want me here."

"Then why did you come?" Hanji snapped.

Maria shrugged. "We like to pay our debts in the Underground. Kinda feels like I owe you for taking us in and helping Anni survive."

Hanji huffed angrily and stepped away towards the window.

"I want you to see this doctor, Hanji," Levi insisted, swallowing down his anger. "I asked around, he is one of the best, using Oriental Clan methods."

"When are you leaving?" Hanji changed the topic abruptly.

"Tomorrow," he answered.

A raindrop splattered against the glass, soon joined by others.

"I see," Hanji suddenly sounded very tired. "Alright, let's try this, Maria. We'll give it… half a day and then you and I will sit down to frankly assess whether we believe this can work."

She turned around to look at him. "Levi. House Hange has filed a complaint against you, for the assault of citizens under their protection. The letter came this morning."

Levi snorted. Of course they had.

"I'll talk to Historia about it," Hanji said. "She might be able to reject the motion."

"You can expect your father to employ the best lawyers there are," Levi shrugged. "Don't worry, Hanji. I'll appear in court and I'll be at my very best behavior for as long as necessary. Just stall them a little if you can. A few weeks."

"Sure," she nodded, her absentminded expression making it clear she had already moved on.

"See you tonight?" Levi said. He made it sound like a question though of course the Commander of the Survey Corps had no choice but to be there when the fallen soldiers were honored and the few that had returned were celebrated.

"Yes," Hanji nodded, turning back towards the general mess. "See you tonight."

###

It only took a throne room full of high-level Military Police and Garrison officers to bring Levi's mood from bad to very bad. Heroes of the Walls? What a sad bunch of leftovers they were in truth, he thought, spotting his freshly groomed brats plus sourfaced Floch huddled up together at the far end of the room like they did not belong here.

People reacted when he entered like they always did, it was like he carried an odor of dread before him. Heads turned and nodded politely, mouths uttered reverent greetings, yet bodies stiffened and moved a fraction away from him as he passed by.

Levi wasn't quite sure what people were afraid of when they saw him. That he'd bust out a sharp object and slit their throats on a whim? Well, there were quite a few people present he would not have minded to see dead. How many in the upper echelons of the Military Police had been on the nobles side at least until it was clear who would come out winning in the coup d'état? Sons and daughters of rich people… there were many of those hiding in the services. He wondered how many had silently rejoiced when the news of Erwin's death had reached them. The Survey Corps was all but wiped out - surely, many in this room were glad that the loony squad was decimated like this because they had always been a thorn in the side of the other branches?

Levi spotted Hanji up ahead and quickened his steps to assure himself she had done what he had asked of her - but then swiftly veered to the right instead when he saw Pixis and Nile Dok walk towards her too. She had reminded him of his place today and she was right: She was the Commander. He was a mere Captain. A mere Captain had no business listening in on what she discussed with other Commanders - even though he felt like taking position behind her to bare his teeth and growl at everyone who was giving her a hard time.

But no. This mere Captain was going to sulk in the shadow of the large pillars that adorned the room on the left and right instead until it was time to kneel and receive the Queen's blessing. And afterwards this mere Captain would sit dutifully through the banquet but not a second longer than required because he was decisively not in the mood to be nice tonight.

"Leviiiiiii!" someone suddenly squealed so loudly behind him he almost jumped behind a pillar.

He barely had time to turn around when someone's arms were slung around his neck and a body slammed against his, coming close to toppling him over.

"Hug me back," Annika whispered into his ear, slinging her legs around him, "I'll explain later."

Not that he wanted to, but his arms had already grabbed her instinctively to hold onto something so he wouldn't fall. A whole lot of woman stuck to him, pleasant like wet underwear. Hanji will kill me.

"Oh Leviiiii," Annika squealed again loudly, "I am so, so relieved you survived."

"Cut the crap," he hissed, "get off me."

"Just a few moments more," she whispered. "Is he watching?"

"Who?" Levi reached for her fingers around his neck to open her grip, ready to break them if necessary.

"Alessandro!" she said. "Small but just right, dark hair, beautiful face, great body. Oh wait…," she laughed and let go, putting her hands on Levi's shoulders instead once her feet were back on the ground. "I'm going to marry him. Jealousy always helps move things along, doesn't it?" she laughed her signature laugh again, turning male heads to the left and right.

Levi quickly scanned the room. This had to be about a man barely taller than himself in an MP uniform who was looking at them from a small distance away with eyes that looked to be on fire. A blush creeped up his neck when he found himself caught staring but he didn't avert his eyes.

"Marry him, huh," Levi scoffed, swatting a bit of her hair away that clung to his coat. "Congratulations. Does he know yet?"

"Hm, no," Annika grinned. "But he stands no chance against my determination. He's insanely rich, Levi. His family owns half the territory between here and Nedlay."

"How nice for them," Levi said. "Treibel not rich enough for you?"

"Treibel?" Annika pulled a face. "He's such an…" She spotted the man in question beginning to walk in their direction from the other side of the room. "Ugh, what a stalker. He transferred just to be near me again, that's so…"

"I think he transferred because he is suspicious of you," Levi pushed against her so she'd take another step away from him.

"Susp… why?" Annika frowned.

"He thinks you spilled Survey Corps secrets to the MP at an inopportune time for us."

"Huh?"

"About Eren."

"What if I have?" Levi had forgotten how quickly Annika's eyes could change from something resembling wholesome fields of nourishing grass to poisonous lakes of doom. All things he knew about her considering, it was surprising she had behaved so well for five whole years. "Fuck, Levi. You guys should be glad it's all out in the open. Would you have won otherwise?"

Won. They had not won. Winning wasn't even possible in this fucking game.

"I don't like that you've changed so much," Annika informed him coldly. "You're like… like a boring old grandpa whose only desire is to spend the rest of his life looking over his grandkids." She flashed Eren and the gang an angry look. "Those kids don't need you."

True. They don't.

"She doesn't need you." Annika stabbed an angry finger in Hanji's direction. "Couldn't wait to see Erwin buried, could she? Greedy, power-hungry bi..."

Levi caught her arm hard. "Insult her again and…"

"Oh right, I forgot," Annika pulled an amused face but her eyes continued to flash angrily as she shook his hand off. "You're her little rabid watchdog. You can calm down, I'm over trying to make you see reason at this point. You're so wrapped up in this… this… whatever you have going on with her, you've completely lost sight of what matters."

He had to give her points for putting her finger on his biggest problem. It was 'this… this…. whatever he had going on with Hanji' indeed. It had been possible to somewhat ignore it before because had their lives not been insanely busy with planning missions and not getting killed?

Shiganshina had changed everything.

It was just them now. They were going to need to spend a lot of time together in what lay ahead. It was going to drive him insane. One moment, he wanted to kiss her, the next, to throttle her. Hanji was sweet as honey one moment and hurt him with cold precision the next.

But no, Shiganshina had not changed everything. He still wasn't sure whether his choices were his own. He often deliberately challenged himself. If he felt like drinking tea, he made sure to get some ale instead. If he got curious about the ending of a book he was reading, he stopped himself from skipping over pages. If he felt an impulse to jump to Hanji's protection, he deliberately turned his back. But the one constant for five years? His inability to stop his heart from speeding up when he saw her. This constant ache in his chest when he thought of her. If her father had used a mindwipe on him, why had he never wiped that away? Simply to torment him?

"The time for revenge has come, Levi. Renzo is weakened, too many are unhappy about his methods. I'll do it myself - but I'd prefer to have you with me."

"You plan to take out Renzo."

"Don't tell me you really stopped caring?!"

Levi didn't answer. Today was the day the Underground past demanded his attention, was it? Yes, he had stopped caring. Or rather… Whenever the old rage wanted to surface he suppressed it until it died down.

"What's the matter with you?" Annika watched Treibel draw nearer with a deepening scowl. "I've come to tell you that I got a lead on those people who tried to kill you."

He suppressed it until it died down. But the Underground never gave up. It's what he loved about it so much. And hated with a vengeance.

"Fuck, Levi. You have to be aware they're still inside the Walls, right?"

He had… not thought about it. Rainer, Bertolt, Annie and Ymir… had they not come from the outside? That fucking Beast and his four-legged ugly friend - had they not gone back to where they had all come from? He had always assumed the Panther… why did I assume he was from the outside even before I knew there was an outside?

"Levi," Treibel said, his brisk stride faltering. "Annika," he grumbled.

"Treibel," Levi acknowledged the former squad leader who had transferred to the Military Police mere hours before the start of the Shiganshina mission. Talk later? his eyes flashed at Annika, but she no longer looked at him. She had a lead on the Panther? Had she been looking for one all this time?

"Levi," Treibel seemed to force himself to spit out these words before he lost courage, "I am very sorry I wasn't there when it mattered. You might think I'm a coward, but it's not..."

"Chances are high you wouldn't be here had you been with us," Levi interrupted this very unwelcome personal guilt trip. It didn't matter in the least for the outcome of their mission who had or had not been there. Which was a bitter pill to swallow for everyone who liked to believe otherwise.

"Did you… was Erwin… is there… a grave?" Treibel cleared his throat.

Levi shook his head. It hadn't been possible to carry back a rotting corpse on top of carrying an unconscious Blouse on the few remaining horses. "I'll have to go back to get his remains. We will have a proper burial."

"Let me join you when you go."

Urgh, no.

"I feel like I owe him."

Ah. Yes. Just say it already, Levi thought. But Treibel didn't.

"Read the report, Treibel?" Levi taunted him. "You want to know why I let Erwin Smith die?"

"In fact…," Treibel cleared his throat nervously. "Yes."

Cause I got emotional, Levi thought. Cause I'm an idiot. Cause a kid's dream of the ocean moved me. Cause death is a blessing. Cause I hope people will do the same for me in the future. Cause it probably doesn't matter. We're fucked anyway.

"All you need to know is in the report, Treibel," Hanji said sharply. "It was a joint decision."

Levi stiffened. He hadn't even noticed her coming over. Why would she lie? It had been his fucked up decision, she had wanted Erwin to live. Every single person in here thought he was crazy of course - rightfully so. Well, apart from Eren and the rest of the brat squad.

"Zoë Hange," Treibel saluted. "Congratulations on the promotion. It's well deserved, Commander."

"You're perhaps thinking of rejoining us?" Hanji asked, looking Treibel over slowly, her gaze lingering on the unicorn insignia over his heart.

"Pah," Annika scoffed.

"Or you?" Hanji acknowledged her. "We're a little desperate."

"I'd rather cut off my foot and swallow it whole before I follow orders from you," Annika hissed.

"I see," Hanji nodded gravely. "Come talk to me if you survive that. Levi?"

"Yes, Commander," he said, further straightening his back. She looked alright. Tired, but put together. Her uniform coat was spotless. Her boots were shiny. Her glasses had been cleaned. The bandages around her eye were fresh.

"A word before the ceremony starts. And stop calling me Commander."

"Okay," he walked after her to where they could talk undisturbed.

"Have you seen the doctor?" Levi asked before she could start the conversation.

She just looked at him, her expression guarded. He had asked Armin about Hanji's eye the day before. Apparently, it had happened when Moblit had pushed her down a well. Funny how jealous he had gotten of Moblit who had died protecting her. It just showed that something was seriously wrong with him.

"Have you?" he insisted.

"Yes," she nodded. "I have."

"And?"

"Drops."

"Huh?"

"For my ears and for my eyes."

"He gave you drops?"

"Yes."

"But not the same for your ears and your eyes?!"

"Uhm…" she tapped her chin with her index finger. "I don't remember."

"I don't believe this," Levi threw up his hands in frustration. "Did Maria come with you?"

"Of course not. She stayed back to sort documents. I think she'll do fine for a while. She's definitely grown up."

"Will you make sure to put the right amount of drops into your ears and your eye at the time indicated? You wrote it down somewhere, right?"

"Yes, of course."

"Hanji…"

"We seriously don't have time for this, Levi. Those drops are not important," she lifted her hand when he wanted to correct her. "Just listen. Pixis and Dok are a little concerned about the safety of the queen. There might be a group of people thinking of abducting her."

"Er, Hanji, you know I…"

"...yes, you are one of the few here who know where she lives when she's not in residence at the Capital."

They had agreed to keep it a secret right after the coronation. It was hard to know whom they could trust. It still was.

"It has to stay a secret, do you understand?"

"What are you…" Levi stared at her. She had gone back to not trusting him? Just like that? Overnight? Shit. Had she found something in her father's documents after all?

"I'm not implying anything," Hanji said with a frown. "Just that you be extra careful. We're discussing how to organize armed protection without drawing too much attention but it will take a few days at least until we can send someone."

"I talked to Erwin about that weeks ago," Levi nodded. "In fact, I even drew up a plan for…"

"I'll look for it," she cut him off.

"It'll take you months to find it in that mess you created at his office," Levi grumbled. "I'll write it down again."

"No need, I'll find it tomorrow."

Levi stared at her, then closed his half-ajar mouth forcefully. Had he just been dismissed? He wasn't going to feel like a boy who was neglected by his favorite teacher he happened to have a big crush on, was he? No. He refused to.

"I'm going to fetch the younglings," he said, pointedly turning his back on her. "The Ceremony is about to start."

###

Quite contrary to Zoë's expectations, the ceremony was a peaceful and serene event. Well, apart from Eren acting a bit strangely - again. The overall mood was subdued, as was fitting the occasion. What they had found in that basement - was it hope? Or rather despair? - was now part of their history. There was just one way open to them and that was going forward - forever forward.

"We will encourage our best to transfer to the Survey Corps," Pixis and Dok had assured her. She appreciated the gesture. The shock of their near annihilation ran deep. None of them knew how to start planning for the new threat. Defense was the game on the other two branches. Attack was theirs. The world thought they were a race of demons? The world might be right.

A gong had sounded a few moments ago - everyone was leisurely moving to the long tables in the banquet room chattering with friends and comrades. Zoë looked for Eren and his friends but they had skipped ahead and were already taking their seats of honor at the far end near the Queen who looked happy and animated.

Levi was right behind her. Zoë could feel his brooding presence trailing her like a dark cloud of doom. He was in an exceptionally foul mood. For which she was to blame.

Zoë sighed deeply. It was good he was leaving, she kept telling herself. She had to get her act together and that was impossible with him near. He kept pushing her and she started behaving like someone she didn't even recognize. Maria as an assistant? Maria?! And forcing her to see a doctor previously from the Underground, a point he had conveniently failed to mention, someone who prodded at her with uncomfortable questions, then claimed she was unbalanced and gave her tea to drink? Tea!

Zoë sighed again. Why did Levi think it was okay to meddle? Why did he pretend to care and then… and then… he claims that Historia wants him to help her so he can disappear?

There were place cards on the table. Levi's name was right next to hers.

"I guess switching these would be rude," Levi said gloomily and pulled back his chair. "Do we sit or wait for some kind of signal?"

"Wait for the Queen," Zoë grumbled and then jumped back in surprise when Levi pulled back the chair for her too.

"Don't men with manners do this kind of thing?" he sounded puzzled.

"They do," she said, suddenly very fed up with this shit. Why were they even fighting? "Thanks."

He nodded and looked straight ahead, giving her a chance to study his profile. I should just ask him what's on his mind, Zoë decided, it's clear that there's… something that needs solving. Something that doesn't involve the dead - but the living. Us.

Lying awake that night after they had come back from the tavern and she had felt like crying, she had realized something. That thing between them was like a ghost: Something monumental that hadn't been given a chance to take substance. Something they had barely spoken about - how could they have? There had not been enough time. And it was too late now to say all the things that should have been said.

"What is it that I'm afraid of?" Zoë murmured and his grey eyes caught hers. "Don't mind me," she quickly added, averting her face so he wouldn't see her blush.

What was she afraid of? It was simple and yet the most complicated thing in the world.

"... enjoy the feast!" Queen Historia smiled at the end of her little speech that Zoë had completely missed and everybody sat down at once, the large hall exploding into animated chatter and laughter. A load of servants appeared from a side door with trays full of food and drinks.

"The nobles would throw a fit if they knew we're eating away half of their "donations" in one night," Commander Pixis smiled to her right.

"I'd prefer investing the money into weapons," Zoë sighed but nodded when a handsome young servant stopped to spoon thinly cut meat onto her plate. The living had to eat. The more she ate now the less she would have to worry about food tomorrow.

Pixis engaged her in a discussion of defensive strategies against unknown threats. Soon, they were talking about ships that crossed the ocean. Levi barely touched his food. Zoë looked at him from time to time, feeling increasingly bad about the current mood between them, but he seemed to be in a world of his own, brooding darkly about whatever was on his mind.

"What do you think, Captain Levi?" Pixis leaned forward a little to address him directly.

"I think we're fucked," Levi, who had obviously listened to their conversation, answered immediately. "All your defensive plans are wasted."

"Hear, hear," Pixis smiled.

"Ask yourself what the price of freedom is and whether you are ready to pay it," Levi said and took a sip of wine. "Then plan anew."

The price of freedom. It had once been to end all the Titans. But now? To end all of humanity?

"We have to get to that thing called "the ocean" and see those ships for ourselves," Levi continued. "Once we have an idea about their size and how to operate them, we seize one using our Titans. And then we cross the ocean to gather information on how to smash our enemies."

"Aha!" Pixis exclaimed. "I see why Erwin valued your council so much. Should we have made Captain Levi Commander, hm, Miss Hange?"

Levi dropped his cutlery with a loud clatter and turned his head to glare at the Commander of the Garrison. "Are you one of those men threatened by women much smarter than yourself, Commander Pixis? I hope not. Because Miss Hange beats you on all counts."

"Ohohoho," Pixis chuckled, "I'm not going on to pick a fight with you, Captain Levi, I'm afraid I'd lose on all counts. I like your plan, what's stopping us from implementing it?"

"Titans," Levi said and leaned back in his chair.

"We never made it beyond a certain point during our expeditions outside," Zoë informed Pixis. "And we never got close to anything resembling the ocean. To have a chance, we need to decimate the Titan population as much as we can in the hope that…"

Pixis nodded. "That they don't dare send more right now. How long will it take to take them all out?"

"Hard to say," Zoë looked at Levi. "But we can start with those currently trapped inside the Walls."

Pixis nodded. "Regain the land? And then?"

Zoë noticed that he was speaking to Levi over her head instead of to her but Levi wasn't paying him any more attention. You are the only one I have left, she thought tenderly, watching his hands rip apart some bread, and I am so damn lucky to have you.

"We know they congregate where there's a lot of people," she told Pixis. "It is possible that the majority is already inside. Still… with only the nine of us…"

"Training new recruits isn't fast enough," Pixis chewed on a piece of meat. "I'll talk to Dok again and then Zackly. Maybe we could pay people to transfer, at least temporarily. We could loan the Survey Corps people that way."

"Much appreciated," Zoë nodded. And felt a familiar tension creep up from her shoulder blades towards her neck. Better be careful now - she got frequent headaches these days, many of them hit her out of nowhere, hurting so much she wanted to scream.

An ample selection of desserts was put on the table when it hit. The buzzing in her ears exploded. Pain followed suit, setting her head aflame. She groaned.

"What is it, Hanji?"

"No… nothing," she lied, trying to smile reassuringly at Levi who had grabbed her arm but the contents of her stomach threatened to come up and she had to fight them down hard.

"Out," Levi pulled her up. "Now."

The room was a blur of colors and for a moment it felt like she was going to suffocate, but then, fresh air flowed into her lungs and she could breathe again. Levi took her down a flight of stairs, steadying her when she stumbled, into a shadowy garden that smelled of wet earth and leaves. The voices and sounds behind them slowly faded away.

"You can throw up here if you need to," Levi stopped, pointing at some bushes. "But don't show any weakness in front of them for fuck's sake."

Perfect humiliation. Zoë let herself drop on a stone bench hidden in the shadows and groaned miserably. Thankfully, her stomach settled somewhat when she took several deep breaths. The gravel underneath his boots crunched as he stepped closer.

"Dammit, Hanji."

His hands cupped her ears, blocking out all sound. He crouched down before her, peering at her with concern. She took another deep breath. Better. She was feeling better. The buzzing in her ears died slowly down. Zoë closed her eyes. She felt Levi shift and sit down next to her, his hands still over her ears.

Don't leave.

It came down to this simple sentence. She was so damn angry with him for wanting to abandon her. What am I, a child? Didn't he need her just as much as she needed him?

She opened her eye to look at him but his face was erased by shadows, with darkness rising up around them fast. After the rain this afternoon, the sky was still overcast, large clouds moving slowly up ahead, swallowing up the last light of the day.

She wanted him to stay. Historia had told her before the Ceremony that she had not given Levi any orders. That she did not really need him. It was just a minor issue about the orphanage she had wanted to discuss with him when she had sent that message through Armin before Shiganshina. It felt like the Queen was lying. But still...

"I want you to stay," she whispered. "I need you."

He didn't move. Had he even heard her? The other Commanders believed the Queen was in danger. Of course he had to go.

"I'm sorry," she said and took his hands from her ears. "Forget what I said."

A lantern on the main path was lit by a servant whose footsteps moved by and away. It shone through the leaves around them, illuminating the left half of Levi's still face. She held his hands in her lap. Her thumbs slowly moved over his skin.

Let's stay like this. Just for a moment.

"I want to stay," he said very quietly. "I always wanted to, didn't I tell you before?"

Her heart stopped. What she feared? It was so ridiculous. She feared to fall in love and not be loved back. To fall in love only to lose him again. But enough was enough. Everybody was dead. The future only held dread. She couldn't take it anymore.

Zoë bent forward and kissed him. His lips were so soft, how could she have forgotten? Soft and warm and...

"What are you doing?" he pulled back breathlessly. His hands in her lap had gone tense.

"I kissed you. And I'm going to do it again."

"Don't play with me, Hanji."

She grabbed the back of his head and pulled his lips to hers again. It was that simple.

"Hmmm," he sighed and put his hands on her shoulders, slightly kneading the tense muscles there.

This kiss was gentle and tender, a tentative exploration of lips that remembered getting familiar with each other and were now marveling at how much better reality was. His tongue lightly traced the contours of her mouth. The tension in her body dissipated completely. Warmth spread through her limbs. It felt like she was falling through the softest of clouds.

"We should stop," he whispered against her lips.

They should. But they didn't.

A soft growl from his throat made the hair on her body rise. Her nipples stiffened when his tongue entered her mouth. Oh yes, she remembered. Every part of her did. A rooftop. A defiant song. Liquid fire in her core. Her tongue answered his, stroking it hungrily. More. More of this. The taste of him… how stupid had she been to forgo it for so long? She was falling faster now. It felt precarious, yet she didn't care. She would always be safe with him.

Her shaking hands went for the buttons of his coat. Whoever had designed their uniforms had blessed them with large ones that were easily opened.

"Hanji, are you sure?"

Sure about what? That she needed to feel his skin? Yes. Why was he talking? She nipped at his bottom lip with her teeth as she pulled his shirt out of his trousers with one hand. There it was. His skin. Had it always been this silky? She moved her hand, found the jagged edges of a scar. That scar. She traced it from his right hip to his fast beating heart, remembering almost losing him. But she hadn't. Her they were. Did anything else matter?

"Stop," Levi panted. "Stop."

"Why?" she pulled back. And instantly understood. "Is it something my father said?"

Of course it was. "Let me guess. He threatened my life?" she put her forehead against Levi's, breathing in the Levi scent fast and greedily like an addict. "My father has no power anymore. And he's a liar."

"I'm… I'm not sure," his chest was rising and falling rapidly. "Why would he tell me over and over that I can't sleep with you anymore or I'll lose you forever?"

It was hard to breathe for a moment. She hadn't known about this. Why had Levi never told her? She wanted to laugh but she was too angry. "To torment you, I'm sure. It's bullshit. What do you think will happen if you go against his orders?"

"I don't know…," Levi groaned. "I thought… Maybe something he planted in my brain…? Hanji, this is driving me insane."

"Let's go to my father and force him to tell us the truth about everything he knows, I'm so fucking sick of this."

"Could… could we do that?" Levi grabbed her hand and pressed it.

"Yes," she said a bit more assertively than she felt. It could be done. Just not right now. Or could it? It would take a week at the most. "Does that mean… no more kissing?"

"Hm," Levi cleared his throat, his eyes flitting to her lips. "I don't know. You're still alive."

"Yup," Zoë's heart sped up again. "Very much alive. Try touching me next and let's see what happens."

"You know I have no self-control whatsoever, right?" he said in a low, dangerous voice. "I can't touch you."

"I fucking hate him," Zoë exlaimed. "Will I have to go to prison if I kill my father?"

"I'll go to prison with you," Levi said, slowly moving his thumb over her lips. "I want to be where you are."

Fuck it all, Zoë thought and grabbed his head again, I don't give a shit about my father's threats. Enough is enough. We cannot keep living for a tomorrow that never comes.

There was nothing gentle nor tender about their kiss this time. It was pure need, born from a desire that had been suppressed for too long. Zoë drew him down with her onto the bench, the warmth of his hard body covering her like a blanket. Stopping would not be possible. Never again.

"... are you sure you saw them go out together?" Connie's voice drifted through the air towards them.

"Yes!" Armin declared. Footsteps were coming closer.

"Uhm, maybe they want to be alone," Jean muttered.

Levi lifted his head from her neck and looked down at her. His expression was almost amused. Well, stopping obviously was possible. It only took a bit of reality to hit you, a reminder of duties in the form of the 104th ex-cadets.

"But this is important!" Armin's voice was very close now. "Eren and Historia are both gone!"

"Maybe they want to be alone too," Jean suggested.

A muffled sound of outrage, someone running on the gravel, away from them.

"Mikasa! Wait!" Everybody else went after her, shouting for her to stop.

"Fuck," Levi sat up, bringing his clothes in order swiftly. "Can't turn my back even for a few minutes before Eren creates another problem! I clearly haven't smacked him enough recently!"

Zoë sat up too. "You have to promise me that we'll talk about this before you walk away."

Levi blinked and looked away. Getting him to kiss her was easier than getting him to talk? How typical.

"Promise me, Levi."

"Have you not learnt not to trust any of my promises, Commander? I kept not a single one when it truly mattered."

Without so much as a backward glance at her, he walked away to catch up with the search party. Zoë shook her head at his retreating back and reached up to retie her hair.

"You're an idiot, Captain Levi!" She called after him.

Yes, she had learned something alright. It just had taken her far too long to realize it.

They were both fighting the same ghosts from the past. They were both afraid of the same thing. But this time, she wouldn't back down. Enough was enough.